Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #500
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. The Butcher
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
WCW Starrcade - December 27, 1994​

And now we come to the 500th entry in this thread! Five whole hundreds of entries! And who could it be but Hulk Hogan? I thought it would be the wrestlers like Buff Bagwell, Jim Duggan, Van Hammer, maybe even Kelly Kelly. But no, the star of this thread, making his face-melting TWENTY-SIXTH ENTRY (a full ten ahead of the runner-up), is the Hulkster! And I don't see him ever being beaten unless someone wrestles more bad matches on a grand stage, which will likely never happen. And how to celebrate him? Show him at his most egotistical! Dragging his less talented friend into a major PPV main event! So yeah, Hogan vs. Ed Leslie. Why is it so badly thought of?

I just wanted to point out that Kevin Sullivan's stable theme sounds like a ripoff of Bret Hart's. Butcher tears up a Hogan shirt, as if Hogan himself doesn't do that every show. Someone's printed out "HULK RULES" on a big roll of paper with a dot-matrix printer. That's what 1994 was. Hogan's out with a chair. "The King of Hulk Mania" -Michael Buffer. They play Hogan's theme again and use even more pyro, just so we know who matters.

Hogan's overpowering Butcher in the lock-up but Butcher comes in with chops. As Butcher does a headlock Heenan makes Andy Griffith Show references. To the outside for a bit of BOTO. After bashing Hogan's face into the furniture Butcher chokes him with a mic cable. As well as some Greco-Roman back raking. He's about to use a chair but Jimmy Hart takes it away. Atomic drop by Hogan, who immediately resorts to WCW-style BOTO and babyface eye rakes. Now Hogan's got the chair, and he's using it to hit and choke. No DQ being declared. I get it, WCW relaxed rules, but it's so often used to give a crutch to guys who can't wrestle.

Back in the ring Butcher uses some questionably legal moves like rope chokes. And boot chokes. He hits a slam but doesn't stay on the pin, then misses a diving chop. Hogan bites Butcher's face (he'd fit well in TNA today) "You ain't nothing" -Hogan, honest about Ed Leslie for once. He hits a martial arts pose then does an eye rake. Butcher gets a punch and applies a bit more neck trauma. And the dreaded DEADLY NERVE PINCH! Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Schiavone tries to sell this as Butcher trying to make the sleeper more effective, rather than just being a sign that he can't wrestle.

Hogan fights up, but gets shoved while running the ropes and put in the sleeper. There's hope spots for about a minute before Hogan does the arm-drop routine. Three limp arm drops... but Butcher breaks the hold before the ref can call the match! What? He celebrates like he's won, when he's just thrown away the win. Hogan's up, but fakes being out, inviting Butcher to cover him. Of course... two-count, Hulk up, punch a lot, fight off Sullivan and Tenta who are here to interfere, leg drop, win. 3-on-1 beatdown, but with the help of Randy Savage, Jimmy Hart, and the chair, Hogan clears them off. Post-match Vader challenges Hogan but we know how that ended, right? Well, we know how it STARTED. Hogan no-selling Vader's finish. How very Hogan of him.

Absolutely interminably dull.

 

[Chris]

Actually amazing they recovered from putting that out in a Starrcade main event, worst than when it was used for Battlebowl

 

[Death By Looch]

I mean... especially in the 90s their track record when it comes to Starrcade Main Event is, when you look back at it, atrocious.

Sting vs. Black Scorpion in 1990, then two Battlebowls. We got this one in 94, then in 96 Hogan vs. Piper, which in itself wasn't bad, but the fact the title wasn't on the line killed it. Then fucking up their biggest storyline in history with the 97 Main Event and they finished the decade with Goldberg's streak getting finished in 98 and the shittiest Montreal Screwjob parody of all time in 99.

When you just look at Starrcade, their supposedly biggest show of the year, one does wonder how they could even make it as far as they have in the end.

 

[Chris]

In those late ones the match on paper was at least good tho, the booking just sucked lol also I forgot there were two Starrcade Battlebowls

 

[Rosie]

Entry #500
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. The Butcher
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
WCW Starrcade - December 27, 1994​

And now we come to the 500th entry in this thread! Five whole hundreds of entries! And who could it be but Hulk Hogan? I thought it would be the wrestlers like Buff Bagwell, Jim Duggan, Van Hammer, maybe even Kelly Kelly. But no, the star of this thread, making his face-melting TWENTY-SIXTH ENTRY (a full ten ahead of the runner-up), is the Hulkster! And I don't see him ever being beaten unless someone wrestles more bad matches on a grand stage, which will likely never happen. And how to celebrate him? Show him at his most egotistical! Dragging his less talented friend into a major PPV main event! So yeah, Hogan vs. Ed Leslie. Why is it so badly thought of?

I just wanted to point out that Kevin Sullivan's stable theme sounds like a ripoff of Bret Hart's. Butcher tears up a Hogan shirt, as if Hogan himself doesn't do that every show. Someone's printed out "HULK RULES" on a big roll of paper with a dot-matrix printer. That's what 1994 was. Hogan's out with a chair. "The King of Hulk Mania" -Michael Buffer. They play Hogan's theme again and use even more pyro, just so we know who matters.

Hogan's overpowering Butcher in the lock-up but Butcher comes in with chops. As Butcher does a headlock Heenan makes Andy Griffith Show references. To the outside for a bit of BOTO. After bashing Hogan's face into the furniture Butcher chokes him with a mic cable. As well as some Greco-Roman back raking. He's about to use a chair but Jimmy Hart takes it away. Atomic drop by Hogan, who immediately resorts to WCW-style BOTO and babyface eye rakes. Now Hogan's got the chair, and he's using it to hit and choke. No DQ being declared. I get it, WCW relaxed rules, but it's so often used to give a crutch to guys who can't wrestle.

Back in the ring Butcher uses some questionably legal moves like rope chokes. And boot chokes. He hits a slam but doesn't stay on the pin, then misses a diving chop. Hogan bites Butcher's face (he'd fit well in TNA today) "You ain't nothing" -Hogan, honest about Ed Leslie for once. He hits a martial arts pose then does an eye rake. Butcher gets a punch and applies a bit more neck trauma. And the dreaded DEADLY NERVE PINCH! Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Schiavone tries to sell this as Butcher trying to make the sleeper more effective, rather than just being a sign that he can't wrestle.

Hogan fights up, but gets shoved while running the ropes and put in the sleeper. There's hope spots for about a minute before Hogan does the arm-drop routine. Three limp arm drops... but Butcher breaks the hold before the ref can call the match! What? He celebrates like he's won, when he's just thrown away the win. Hogan's up, but fakes being out, inviting Butcher to cover him. Of course... two-count, Hulk up, punch a lot, fight off Sullivan and Tenta who are here to interfere, leg drop, win. 3-on-1 beatdown, but with the help of Randy Savage, Jimmy Hart, and the chair, Hogan clears them off. Post-match Vader challenges Hogan but we know how that ended, right? Well, we know how it STARTED. Hogan no-selling Vader's finish. How very Hogan of him.

Absolutely interminably dull.

There is only ONE Butcher I support.

 

[Death By Looch]

In those late ones the match on paper was at least good tho, the booking just sucked lol also I forgot there were two Starrcade Battlebowls

Yea, that's true. On paper they worked big time, of course. Makes the booking and outcome of those last 3-4 even worse though.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #501
The Bushwhackers vs. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers
WWF Royal Rumble - January 21, 1990​

Our next stop (the first stop of the next 500!) is the Royal Rumble of 1990 and SWEET JESUS THEY'RE RUNNING IT BACK. This wasn't even the match I was watching this show for, but I cannot believe they saw the awful Bushwhackers vs. Rougeaus match from Mania 5 and thought "yeah, we should do that on PPV again". How is this company still in business?

At least I get to hear All-American Boys and pretend the Rougeaus are facing a team that don't suck. We start with stalling, as the Kiwis are alone in the ring for a good while. Even as the Rougeaus come in, they just keep playing to the crowd. It's Raymond and I think Butch first. Raymond offers a handshake but brings the offence. He has Butch in a full nelson but Luke cuts off Jacques so Butch can... butt-bump Raymond's penis? I can see this won't be a classic. At this point, I see a sleeper by Raymond as a positive. Better than, say, Butch biting both his opponent and the referee on the backside. Jacques runs away from the Battering Ram and the Rougeaus are outside again.

Back with Jacques and Luke. Luke bites Jacques on the nose. Jacques goads Luke into going for a clothesline, but he ducks and Luke collides directly into Raymond. The Rougeaus out-comedying the Bushwhackers in a single spot. Jacques offers to let Luke hit him from behind but Raymond's right behind him. So begins a Standard Heat Segment that's legitimately refreshing just by not being an insult to my intelligence. Savate kick by Raymond gets two, just a shame that the camera misses it because of an awful angle. Luke on the outside and Jacques hits him on the apron, and the way he sells it just looks stupid. Luke slows the pace a bit by biting some shin, but the heat segment continues unabated.

Jacques hits a nice jumping back elbow, then kips up just because he can. I'm so sad he became a mountie. A ref distraction allows a double-team to drop Luke's throat across the ropes. Luke fights back with biting but Jacques cuts off Butch. Jacques applies an abdominal stretch, and Raymond uses a real chinlock, but at least that's wrestling. Jacques goes for a splash but Luke gets the knees up. In comes Butch with headbutts. Got to hand it to the Rougeaus for bumping for these guys. Battering Ram teased but Jimmy Hart grabs Luke. Jimmy Hart is about to take the crotch-splitter but the Rougeaus push the Kiwis into each other. Quebec Crab by Raymond but Jacques can't drop the knee because Luke trips him. Battering Ram into both Rougeaus, and despite both men's feet being under the rope, that's the pin.

I hate Bushwhackers matches. That went 13 painful minutes.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #502
Brutus Beefcake vs. The Genius
WWF Royal Rumble - January 21, 1990​

The hits just keep on coming as I endure another Beefcake match. Has he ever done anything decent? I don't know. It's Hulk Hogan's friend vs. Mr. Perfect's friend!

Pre-match the Genius recites one of his non-poems about how he is Going To Win The Upcoming Match. Beefcake comes in not only with his shears, but with proper-size scissors. Is he trying to shank Genius?? Genius offers a handshake but retracts it and minces away. Oh yeah, because in the Reagan-Bush America, if you were smart you were also gay. Genius continues to flounce about, avoiding all contact. As soon as they lock up, Beefcake's just too powerful. They do a bit of a pose-off before Genius rakes the eyes and now gets a bit of edge. He mounts the corner but eats an inverted atomic nutshot.

Genius goes again for an eye rake, but he misses a cornered dropkick. Test of strength, which Beefcake completely dominates, and he stomps Genius' hands. Beefcake then crotches his opponent on the rope. Genius resting out again, and the crowd seems to have spotted a bundle of sticks. Or something. Ventura is acting like that chant is in support of Beefcake. Because he's from San Francisco. And he has a bit of an obsession with male ass. Genius does some corner charges, then goes for a back body drop but gets booted. Beefcake does an inverted... crotch neckbreaker? No idea. Genius gets a dropkick for two, and flies off from the kickout so hard that he lands neck-first on the bottom rope. He's wasted in this.

Genius goes up top but Beefcake recovers and hits him in the gut. Now it's time for the big face comeback. For some reason the camera becomes a lot darker for one shot. Beefcake tries the sleeper but Genius rakes the eyes. Beefcake shoves Genius into the ref, bumping him. Not much happens until Beefcake gets another sleeper, and Genius is out. No fall declared, but it's time for Beefcake to try for the haircut. Mr. Perfect comes out to save Genius' locks, and the ref calls the match off. Perfect uses a chair to split Beefcake's ribs. Notice Hogan doesn't come out to help Beefcake? Some friend.

Again. Lanny Poffo is wasted with this fucking loser. I like his bumping a lot, and he deserves a more convincing opponent.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #503
"Hacksaw" Jim Duggan vs. Big Boss Man
WWF Royal Rumble - January 21, 1990​

Okay, here's the match I'm here to see, because it's the last WWE-verse match that earned the astonishing MINUS 2.25 STARS rating. Let's see what's up with it! I think I can guess, because it features Jim Duggan!

I once again must sing the praises of Jive Soul Bro each time it pops up in a bad match watch. Expectedly from these two, it starts as a pure brawl. I notice that at this stage Boss Man has a Confederate flag on his sleeve. Duggan shoulderblocks Boss Man out and they go to the outside, where both men eat ring post in quick succession. Duggan has Boss Man cornered but Boss Man reverses and soon hits an honest-to-goodness enzuigiri. Duggan's stumbling around, sort of selling, but not really. Boss Man uses a body guillotine, then the camera forcuses on the nightstick and handcuffs for some reason.

Duggan starts to no-sell and teases a comeback before eating a double axe handle from Boss Man for two. Slick contributes with a bit of family-friendly garrotting. Boss Man uses a chinlock until Duggan recovers. A knee lift kills a Duggan hope spot. Duggan's slugging away, but Boss Man clatters him down, and back to the chinlock. Boss Man puts the knees in for two. Bearhug (because it's the 70s!) which gets the arm-drop routine, but Duggan's surviving. Boss Man headbutts Duggan down but he gets his foot on the rope. Duggan's firing back up, and he hits a clothesline that sends Boss Man out.

Back in the ring, Boss Man misses an elbow and Duggan punches right across the ring. He misses a corner charge, though, and Boss Man just lariats him down. Boss Man tries a top rope splash but Duggan rolls away. They crash into each other for a double down. Slick holds Duggan back so Boss Man can charge into him, but you know how that spot goes. Slick recovers enough to pass Boss Man the nightstick, which he uses for the DQ. Post-match Duggan brings out the 2x4 and whacks both Boss Man and Slick with it, then celebrates America. Like a good face. But a shit wrestler.

Why couldn't we have had Boss Man vs. Lanny Poffo? That would have slapped.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #504
Kane vs. Snitsky
WWE New Year's Revolution - January 9, 2005​

I skipped this battle of the shocking hairlines earlier. Then I noticed it has a DUD rating from Dave, so watch it I must. Ugh. Snitsky. My mood tonight... that IS your fault.

Oh yeah, this was right in the middle of the Kane/Lita/Snitsky miscarriage storyline. And Lita legit had her knee destroyed earlier. We're a-brawlin' to start off. Kane's throwing hands, and using throat thrusts, in the corner, then starts dropping body parts. This is very pedestrian for a blood feud. Snitsky gets a boot up for a corner charge but Kane blocks it and hits a powerslam for two. Snitsky gets a sidewalk slam in what is closer to "outta nowhere" than we'll likely see all match. After a bit more beating Snitsky strips the mats on the floor and we go to the outside. Kane back body drops Snitsky on the concrete.

Kane goes to the top rope but Snitsky kicks him out of the air. Coach tries to sell the crowd's lack of fucks to give as them being stunned into silence. Snitsky bends Kane's back around the ring post, which at least is slightly more original. He drops an elbow for two, then puts on a BEARHUG! Because God is dead! After a long, long time, Kane breaks it by clapping the ears. Throat thrusts, and the crowd finally wakes up at the prospect of a chokeslam, but Snitsky counters. Snitsky does moves but Kane does the sit-up three times in a row. Fourth time's the charm, though.

To the outside where Snitsky tosses Kane into the steps. He then grabs a chair but Kane gets the boot up to stop him using it. Snitsky goes for a corner charge but Kane catches him and beats on him. Sidewalk slam, big boot, then Kane goes up top and hits the clothesline. Snitsky shuts things down by grabbing the ropes, and flapjacks Kane into them. Big lariat by Snitsky but he can't capitalise. Double down, both men goozle each other, Kane seems to be winning the test of strength, but Snitsky gets a knee up and bites the ear. Kane sits up again and gets Snitsky up with a Tombstone for a kind of out-of-nowhere win. Oh, so that sidewalk slam wasn't the peak. Good to know.

Anyway, truly boring stuff.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #505
Shelton Benjamin vs. Viscera
WWE New Year's Revolution - January 8, 2006​

Poor, poor Shelton Benjamin. After going through that waste of time with Maven on the previous New Year's Revolution, he's got to deal with Viscera this year. And this was the year he became a Mama's boy, with his mother being played as a lazy stereotype. And anti-wrestler Viscera is still the World's Largest Love Machine. In other words, it's an absolute nexus of shit! Minus two stars for this, let's see why.

Pre-match, Shelton wants Viscera to apologise but Mama wants Viscera to take the beating, screaming at air-raid-siren levels until he comes out. Once the match has begun, Mama does not shut up, shouting constantly at Shelton. Viscera overpowers early on and... threatens to shove his penis in Shelton's face? I think? Shelton tries to establish a hammerlock but Viscera tosses him off (in the ring (wait no not like that)). A Viscera butt-bump, and eventually Shelton rolls out. Shelton's now hiding behind Mama to get a cheap shot. It doesn't help him much and Viscera gets a big chop. Back in the ring Shelton uses kicks to Viscera's head and then to his knees to take them out. Flying forearm by Shelton topples Viscera again for two.

Mama still won't shut up. Shelton tries to snap Viscera's leg with the help of the ropes and his own rear. Viscera kicks off a submission and sends Shelton to the floor but the camera misses it. Shelton tries to attack but Viscera gets a Samoan drop. Mama threatens to get the belt during the double down. Viscera keeps punching Shelton out. He hits his elbow (armpit) drop for two. This is closely followed by the Whirlwind of Love, but Viscera can't capitalise. Instead he says "This is for you, Mama" before using Vis-agra. That move never gets any less stupid. Vis misses a splash and Shelton can now get on top. On the ropes, Mama hits Viscera with her handbag and Shelton topples his opponent with a spin kick for the three.

At least Shelton tried, but this storyline and his opponent were irredeemable.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #506
Ashley Massaro vs. Candice Michelle vs. Maria Kanellis vs. Torrie Wilson vs. Victoria
Bra and Panties Gauntlet Match
WWE New Year's Revolution - January 8, 2006​

Fun fact: there were two women's matches on this show. Mickie vs. Trish, a real high watermark for women's wrestling in WWE, and this match where five women try to take each other's clothes off. In gauntlet format, so it drags on even longer. I know exactly how I'll feel about this one!

We kick off with Maria (whose legs are 100 times more covered than usual) and Candice (who has an awesome shiny outfit that I'm sad is set to be removed). Candice apparently breaks a nail which leads to a bit of offense. Maria's top is already partly gone very early on, and it's completely removed a few seconds later. If I'm not commenting on the moves, it's because there's even fewer than usual. We're teased with the leg-catch enzuigiri thing but instead Candice just clotheslines Maria down. She tries to do a headscissors choke over the ropes but Maria takes the opportunity to rip Candice's shorts off.

Out comes Torrie, who does not age. She's 49 now and identical to her WWE career. "We want puppies" says the crowd, who have already received puppies. Torrie hits some actual moves, including a snap suplex, and tries to stack Maria up and tear her bottoms off, then Maria tries to do the same. Monkey flip by Maria, then Torrie does her handspring back elbow. Maria kicks through the ropes. Back in the ring, she takes Torrie's top off. Torrie tackles Maria down for a catfight that rolls over the ref (they loved doing that spot). Torrie accuses the ref of touching her inappropriately, goes in for a slap, but this allows Maria to get her down to B&P for the win.

Victoria's in now, and she's a heel (you can tell by the tempo of her entrance music!). Her shirt says "let's get this over with". Yep. Victoria puts Maria on the top rope and gets a fireman's carry but Maria slips off. Victoria hits that awesome standing moonsault before eliminating Maria by clothing rip. Our final participant... wait, MAE YOUNG? She and Moolah come out, and stripper music plays as they threaten to show us biddy titty. The world's most geriatric striptease lasts entirely too long. People have turned their "WOO" sign upside down so it says "MOO". Victoria beats on Mae so Moolah grabs the hair and the two get together to relieve Victoria of her top. Out comes our real last participant, Ashley. Victoria teases the Widow's Peak but Ashley rolls through and removes Victoria's shorts. "Okay, now can you actually train me now?" thinks Ashley, but for the cameras, she strips anyway. She deserved better.

All these women deserved better. Insulting stuff.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #507
Disco Inferno (c) vs. Evan Karagias
for the WCW Cruiserweight Championship and $25000
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

Welcome to Mayhem! We're live from the Air Canada Centre and a new WCW Champion is going to be decided. Except we'll only be watching one of the three tournament matches! Instead we'll be kicking off with Disco. This sign of the times in the Cruiserweight division got minus 1 star. Let's see why.

Disco's just been beaten up backstage by Jeff Jarrett and the Mother Fucking Harris Boys and now he's struggling to make it to the ring. Karagias attacks him in the aisle which surely cannot be helping. Tony Marinara is on commentary. Karagias is looking fairly bright to start with, notably not botching anything just yet and demonstrating his favourite facelock takeovers. OVW Rope Running Thing, and they botch an armdrag HARD. Karagias hits a spinning crossbody for two, then does a headscissors takedown... thing that seems to attack his own leg more than it does Disco. He tries it again but Disco sloppily dumps him down. Obviously-rehearsed atomic drop and clothesline for two.

At this point Disco seems to have mostly recovered from being attacked backstage, only occasionally remembering to sell. He does vertical suplexes but Karagias counters the third. Unclean crucifix pin by Karagias for two. Disco tries a powerbomb but gets sunset flipped, then Karagias hits a back elbow. Disco reclaims control with a Russian legsweep before going up top for something that's not quite an elbow drop and not quite a double axe handle. Karagias gets tossed out. Madusa comes to his aid, helping him to recover enough to hit a dropkick on Disco jumping to the outside. Marinara is now talking about selling the title belt.

Karagias hits a powerslam for two. There's supposed to be a spot where Disco gets his knees up for a splash, but Karagias puts his knees down and it just looks stupid. Crowd calls this match boring. Botchy, maybe, but not boring. Disco hits a DDT for two. He then goes to challenge Madusa and eats the SLAP OF DOOM! Karagias comes to brawl Disco back in as Marinara comes off the desk to try it on with Madusa. She's not interested. Karagias is doing weak worked punches to Disco, and he stands up for Madusa. Disco comes in with a chair, but hits Marinara by mistake! Karagias rolls back in and hits a springboard crossbody (struggling to get into the pinning position) for the three.

I think minus 1 is a bit harsh, but it's absolutely not a cleanly worked match. After this Karagias traded a title shot to Madusa for a bit of hanky panky. He lost it to her, who lost it to Oklahoma. But that's a depressing tale for another day.

 

[Death By Looch]

I think minus 1 is a bit harsh, but it's absolutely not a cleanly worked match. After this Karagias traded a title shot to Madusa for a bit of hanky panky. He lost it to her, who lost it to Oklahoma. But that's a depressing tale for another day.

Depressing and devastating. I hope you'll watch some good matches to balance out that horrible, horrible shit...

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #508
Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs
Hardcore Match for the inaugural WCW Hardcore Championship
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

This is a first, and probably a last, as I can't think of another time a belt's first ever match sucked. Hogan's hardcore friend takes on a guy who screams.

Jimmy Hart comes out with Knobbs and a big trolley of plunder. Smiley's in full Leafs gear with a hockey stick. Knobbs downs him with a broom and delivers some unprotected garbage can shots to the head. HARD shots. And there's much less give than usual wrestling garbage cans. Knobbs tries a top rope garbage can shot but Smiley rolls away. Jimmy Hart tosses another bin to Smiley by mistake, and now he gets some offence. Hockey stick shots, Smiley tries the Big Wiggle, but Knobbs elbows out of it. Knobbs starts yanking off Smiley's oversized shin pads but Smiley kicks off. On the outside Jimmy Hart tries to jump on Smiley, which lets Knobbs get another bin shot. He's using the lid on Smiley. Talk about Garbage Wrestling.

They're headed to the back where Smiley tosses Knobbs into furniture. Knobbs gets another really nasty shot with a garbage receptacle. He sets up a table and whips Smiley into it. Smiley wheels Knobbs on a cart into a PS1 advertising hoarding. Knobbs then smashes a crutch over Smiley's back. They're now in the store room and Smiley's getting buried under boxes. Jimmy Hart gets on a stepladder and tosses food over Smiley's head. He then opens the service lift, and the participants are in but Hart's closed out. He tries to open the door again, and when it does, he hits Knobbs by mistake! This lets Smiley get the three. Knobbs does get the shoulder up at 3.1 because fuck the finish I gotta look good.

Not bad. Empty hardcore plunder match but not worthy of being called bad. I would have made this a green match if it took place entirely in the store room. Imagine the spots!