Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #509
Curt Hennig vs. Buff Bagwell
Loser Must Retire
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

Our third match of eight is this thing! A big retirement match. Can't both of these guys retire? Hennig's past it at this stage and Bagwell has never been good.

Jarrett and Co. assert themselves once again by attacking Bagwell pre-match, and he doesn't come out. Instead out come the Chosen One and his white supremacist men in black, who all come up to beat down Hennig too! What do the Powers that Be gain from this? Bagwell comes out with a 2x4 he probably stole from Jim Duggan to clear them off.

Hennig hits from behind, starting off by using Bagwell's chain to choke him for short periods. I'm disappointed in him, he should know that the DEADLY NERVE PINCH is more effective than an illegal move like that. A minute in Hennig can do no more and goes to the outside for a bit of BOTO. He gets on commentary's mic and trashes Bagwell but we can't really make out what he says. Trying to get back in, Hennig gets shoved into the barricade off the apron, and the BOTO continues. Hennig kicks Buff in his Stuff in full view of the ref. After brawling back to the ring, Bagwell gets the edge with the ropes. Hennig gets a boot up of a corner charge. Soon after that he does what I feel bad describing as a "Jeff Hardy leg drop" as he does it better, even flipping out of it.

On goes a sleeper. Bagwell's down, arm-drop routine (and some people trying to start another "boring" chant) but he fights out. Hennig shuts down with a knee lift, does another chain choke, and puts on the sleeper again. He then starts chopping Bagwell, and drops an elbow on his chest for two. Cornered... slap from Hennig. This puts the fire back in Bagwell, using an eye rake, slamming, but missing a splash. I guess that's what it's supposed to be, but Bagwell clips Hennig with his arm anyway. Hennig corners Bagwell and splashes him once, but Bagwell gets the boot up for the second. Blockbuster finishes it pretty much out of nowhere. Hennig takes in the thanks of the fans.

Really generic WCW stuff, Hennig's a shell of his former self. Why couldn't Bagwell have retired too, though?

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #510
Sting vs. Bret Hart
Mayhem Tournament Semi-Final Match
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

"Sting vs. Bret? How can that disappoint?" For one thing, it's 1999, and Bret's nowhere near the Bret he was, even if Owen Hart were still alive. You can see it as he enters. There's no soul behind those eyes. This'll be phoned in to hell.

Feeling-out, lock-up, into the corner. Staredown. Bret gets a good punch in and starts brawling. We quickly go to the outside for some classic WCW BOTO. At least Bret's using some moves, like a headbutt to the cock and an inverted atomic drop. Guess he's targeting the penis. Sting goes for the eyes and gets the edge back. I'm not seeing Bret at all. It's almost like Sting's wrestling a Hugh Morrus. Bret stops Sting in his tracks and hits a suplex for a two-count. Sting gets a nutshot in front of the ref's eyes, but Relaxed Rules mean thi match continues. Sting gets an elbow for two and puts on a chinlock. Bret fights up but Sting lifts the knee and hits another elbow for two.

The BOTO resumes. Sting goes for a Stinger Splash on the announce table but Bret dodges. Sting whips Bret into the railing. Back in the ring, Bret gets feet up for a corner charge. Bret goes up top but Sting uses the referee as a human shield and it's REF BUMP TIME! Out come Luger and Liz to destroy Sting's legs. Bret stops Luger, putting him in the Sharpshooter... and the ref wakes up and calls for the bell?? Bret, like a true babyface, points out the mistake and calls for a restart. Stupid finish averted.

Anyway, on to the real finish. Bret hits his punches and a stomp to the cock. Russian legsweep for two, backbreaker, he's going to go for the second rope elbow but Sting gets the boot up. Scorpion Deathlock applied but Bret attacks the leg and reverses into the Sharpshooter for the tapout win. It's going to be an all-Canadian final in the main event. (Don't worry, that turns out to be a good match.)

It's just sad to see Bret in this state. He's competent but he's not the same.

 

[Rosie]

Entry #510
Sting vs. Bret Hart
Mayhem Tournament Semi-Final Match
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

"Sting vs. Bret? How can that disappoint?" For one thing, it's 1999, and Bret's nowhere near the Bret he was, even if Owen Hart were still alive. You can see it as he enters. There's no soul behind those eyes. This'll be phoned in to hell.

Feeling-out, lock-up, into the corner. Staredown. Bret gets a good punch in and starts brawling. We quickly go to the outside for some classic WCW BOTO. At least Bret's using some moves, like a headbutt to the cock and an inverted atomic drop. Guess he's targeting the penis. Sting goes for the eyes and gets the edge back. I'm not seeing Bret at all. It's almost like Sting's wrestling a Hugh Morrus. Bret stops Sting in his tracks and hits a suplex for a two-count. Sting gets a nutshot in front of the ref's eyes, but Relaxed Rules mean thi match continues. Sting gets an elbow for two and puts on a chinlock. Bret fights up but Sting lifts the knee and hits another elbow for two.

The BOTO resumes. Sting goes for a Stinger Splash on the announce table but Bret dodges. Sting whips Bret into the railing. Back in the ring, Bret gets feet up for a corner charge. Bret goes up top but Sting uses the referee as a human shield and it's REF BUMP TIME! Out come Luger and Liz to destroy Sting's legs. Bret stops Luger, putting him in the Sharpshooter... and the ref wakes up and calls for the bell?? Bret, like a true babyface, points out the mistake and calls for a restart. Stupid finish averted.

Anyway, on to the real finish. Bret hits his punches and a stomp to the cock. Russian legsweep for two, backbreaker, he's going to go for the second rope elbow but Sting gets the boot up. Scorpion Deathlock applied but Bret attacks the leg and reverses into the Sharpshooter for the tapout win. It's going to be an all-Canadian final in the main event. (Don't worry, that turns out to be a good match.)

It's just sad to see Bret in this state. He's competent but he's not the same.

People complain about Bret's bitterness. And I get that he should probably chill out, but I point to this. I point to WCW beating him down mentally. I think of Owen's passing and how the only times Bret seemed to shine in these final months of his career was when he was allowed to just wrestle and use that as his therapy, not screwy BS from Russo (Who took over as head booker in this time). Then add his concussion. Then his stroke later. Dude has been beat up mentally and physically by an industry he gave his life for and it cost him his trust, his brother, his heart, and health in the span of several years. In some ways, it is refreshing he isn't one of those "Back in my day" folks, who make it his main goal to shit on everything modern. Sometimes I think he could use therapy (We all can) as an outlet to help, but considering everything he's been through, he's lucky to be alive still, and it's a surprise he didn't shut out wrestling forever.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #511
Vampiro vs. Berlyn
Dog Collar Match
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

You can just smell the shit all over that matchup, can't you? Vampiro and regimmicked Alex Wright cost each other in the World Title tournament, and so they're feuding now. And Vampiro's palling around with the Misfits, as if enough time weren't being wasted on non-wrestlers in WCW.

And the SHITS JUST KEEP ON COMING as we hear the music Jim Ross uses, and that can only mean one thing... OKLAHOMA! "Oh no", says Schiavone, already hating this from the off. It's somehow even MORE disrespectful than you'd expect. He's constantly doing the droopy face, while Dr. Death follows behind him, regretting every decision in life that brought him to this point. He's going to be on commentary fucking Christ why. Why are we on this earth.

Berlyn rejects the dog collar and bumps the ref before the match begins, which is a new record. He tosses Jerry Only and lets the Wall attack Vampiro. Snake Eyes by Wall but Vampiro crotches him with the chain. Berlyn's got Only taped to the guardrail. Wall drags Vampiro off the top rope, while Oklahoma does the Stone Cold Stone Cold thing but with Vampiro's name. There have been zero offensive moves between Berlyn and Vampiro until he stops Vampiro from slamming the Wall. The commentary becomes even more ear-bleeding as they make lazy German jokes.

The dog collar is now attached to Wall. Vampiro tries to go up top but Wall drags him around. Chokeslam, Wall pins... THE REF COUNTS?? I have officially given up on trying to understand WCW. Berlyn breaks it up and wants to take credit, so Wall takes the collar off and passes it to Berlyn. In the background Jerry Only briefly tries to interfere, but gets bumped again. Spin kick by Vampiro, and I envy the deaf not having to hear Oklahoma. Vampiro does a superplex but gets zero elevation off the corner so it just looks like shit. Vampiro and Jerry Only do a really uneven double suplex. Nail in the Coffin, then Vampiro gets the dog collar chain (which is attached to NOBODY at this point) and chokes Berlyn out in a Camel Clutch for the win. Dr. Death runs in and tosses Vampiro and Only around.

God is dead. Truly soul-crushingly awful stuff. This only got minus 1 star from Dave, rather than the minus 5 it deserves.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #512
The Total Package vs. Meng
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

It clearly doesn't get any better, as here we have Luger vs. Meng! What year is it? 1999, apparently, and not the New Generation era.

Luger's out in a neck brace, and he's been forced into this match with Meng because Russo said fuck you. We've got a "boring" chant even before the match begins. Meng starts beating down, tearing Luger's clothes off as he goes. Luger hits a suplex but Meng gets right up, and we go to the outside for some more lazy BOTO. Crowd is SILENT. Back in the ring Luger gets a clothesline but Meng pops up again. He tries the Tongan Death Grip but the neck brace won't allow it. So he goes for chokes, as if those don't target the neck too. Luger gets a clothesline but Meng still gets up. Luger hits a powerslam for two.

Luger tries to bash Meng's face on the turnbuckle but ha ha Polynesian head resistance. I thought we were past that in 1999. Meng's just no-selling everything. He rattles Luger with headbutts, knocking him over again and again. Savate kick for two. Liz tries to spray Meng in the eyes but hits Luger by accident. Meng rips off the neck brace and wins with the Tongan Death Grip.

At least it was somewhat coherent. Not like either man was trying at all.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #513
David Flair vs. Kimberly Page
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

David Flair, the man who permanently looks like an 10 year old boy who just had his PSP confiscated, is battling a non-wrestler woman because Vince Russo is amused by intergender violence. That's it, that's the lead-in. Let's endure it.

Ref has to ask David nicely to put the crowbar down. He goes over to Kimberly, she kicks him in the dick... but he no-sells it, because he's got a cup. And he BUMPS THE REFEREE because of course. Kimberly tries to stop David from bludgeoning her to death with the crowbar by... seducing him? Not saying Vince Russo has a problem with women, but... yeah. It's all a ruse to tear out the cup, and kick him in the dick again. Then he shoves the cup in David's face treating him to his own dick smell. Catfight offence by Kimberly until David corners her. Kanyon shows up and prevents a crowbar-based murder (he's been filming Ready to Rumble, according to commentary). DDP shows up as David clears Kanyon and gives him a Diamond Cutter. DDP's about to use the crowbar but Arn Anderson stops it. So David hits Arn. The match just... ends with no winner.

This was on PPV. It was devoid of anything I'd call wrestling.

 

[Chris]

David foreshadowing his future tag team partner

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #514
Goldberg vs. Sid Vicious
I Quit Match
WCW Mayhem - November 21, 1999​

We finish off our trip to Mayhem with a look at a feud we've seen before! We last saw it at Halloween Havoc, where Goldberg claimed the US title from Sid by referee stoppage. Now we want to make sure that we have a definitive winner. Hopefully that's not foreshadowing of another fuck finish!

This match starts about as Halloween Havoc's did: mindless brawling. Canada HATES Goldberg. He ducks a clothesline and hits a clean slam. To the outside for a bit of BOTO! Maybe that's unfair, there's only one whip into the railing and it's mostly Goldberg with forearm clubs. Sid uses some of his own back in the ring, then a cobra clutch slam. Rope choking and fish hooking from Sid as the crowd chants "Gillberg". And now a boot choke! I'm tired of the inane WCW Style, and yet there's so much more of it. Sid hits two chokeslams in a row. "ASK HIIIIM" says Sid as he uses a grounded choke. Crowd trashes Goldberg as he reverses into an armbar. Goldberg sucks, says Toronto. Goldberg hits a series of clotheslines, goes back to the basic brawling, as Sid's selling that shoulder. Cobra clutch by Goldberg, Sid's knocked out. So the match ends, even without Sid saying he quits.

The fuck? The fans clearly think this is dumb like I do.

 

[Rosie]

Vince, first thing he does is rip off a WWF angle he did with an I Quit Match without the story, or drama related to it and no excecution.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #515
Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Sheamus
for the World Heavyweight Championship
WWE WrestleMania XXVIII - April 1, 2012​

Going to quickly knock out the three matches of note for WrestleMania 28. A main event that was built for a year, of Cena vs. Rock one on one, once in a lifetime (except when it happened twice). The majority of the acclaim, though, went to two other matches: Taker vs. HHH End of an Era (it didn't end) and Punk vs. Jericho (at least there wasn't false advertising there). But there was, because it's 2012 WWE, some rubbish. And this got a DUD from Dave. How's that possible? It features Daniel Bryan! And even though Sheamus is in boring babyface mode before he discovered stiffing dudes, it should at least be competent. (I'm playing dumb. I know how this ends.)

Bryan's enlisting AJ's help to take off his jacket. The YES chant is already super over. Bryan beckons AJ over after the bell rings for a quick kiss... then turns right into a Brogue Kick and gets pinned. Match time: 18 seconds. Eighteen.

It's not clear what this was meant to achieve. Bryan just looked like a loser. Sheamus became a dickhead in the pursuit of WWE's idea of making him a pure babyface (because it worked for Cena, and for Hogan, and it'll work again in future for that Roman Reigns guy...). It buried a guy so many people wanted to see for the sake of "fuck you, we have your money, you'll like what we tell you to like". They say it was cut for time, but... why not cut the MGK and Flo Rida concerts that went a total of TWELVE MINUTES? The weird Deadliest Catch plug segment that was just an excuse for Ron Simmons to say DAMN? The interminable Brodus Clay mama dance? No. This was specifically designed as a fuck you to the fans. On the grandest stage.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #516
Kelly Kelly/Maria Menounos vs. Beth Phoenix/Eve Torres
WWE WrestleMania XXVIII - April 1, 2012​

And we move on to a time-dishonoured tradition in WWE - in fact, two. Celebrity matches, and women's tag matches involving the current champion because the women's belt(s) isn't important enough to defend. Beth Phoenix, clutching the butterfly belt, and the Hoeski (name given to her by John Cena, who kissed her consensually in front of her boyfriend) against Worse Lacey Von Erich and a celebrity. Let's see how low it can go.

Kelly vs. Eve first. A Daniel Bryan chant begins. Kelly manages not to botch anything early on, even hitting a hurricanrana for two. Eve keeps bashing her face on the buckle even after Kelly stops. She gets the knee up for a handspring back elbow and tries for the moonsault, but Kelly knocks her down. In comes Maria, who joins Kelly for a double stinkface (and gives herself a noticeable skidmark with Eve's spray tan). Beth gets a cheap shot in so Eve can get a (lack of) heat segment involving rope choking and a bodyscissors thing. Daniel Bryan chants ring louder, followed by a Yes chant.

In comes Beth who targets Maria's ribs with a waistlock. She taunts Kelly while stomping Maria. A double arm snap targets the ribs further. Eve twerks on Maria but Maria kicks her off. "Fake tan skidmark" chant. So the fans noticed it too! Hot tag to Kelly who wipes out Eve, fails to run the ropes, and uses a mistimed headscissors. Neckbreaker and Kelly goes up top for a flipping Thesz press. Eve breaks up the pin. Glam Slam teased but Kelly counters into a bulldog. Not giving her credit for that one because that was all Beth. Tag to Maria, who shakily goes up top but gets wiped out by Beth. Beth has a gorilla press on Maria, Kelly shoves them, and the resulting uncoordinated pile-up of women ends in Maria rolling up Beth.

Had rock-bottom expectations, and only barely cleared them.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #517
Team Johnny (The Miz/Dolph Ziggler/Mark Henry/Jack Swagger/Drew McIntyre/David Otunga) vs. Team Teddy (R-Truth/Kofi Kingston/The Great Khali/Zack Ryder/Santino Marella/Booker T)
for Control of Both RAW and SmackDown
WWE WrestleMania XXVIII - April 1, 2012​

We finish off our look at Mania 28 with a bunch of lads in a match for an accolade that will go to their manager and functionally means nothing to them. It's also the Glass Ceiling Match. There are five former WWE world champions in this match, as well as three who'll go on to be champ in future. And yet all of them are faces in the crowd. It's WWE saying "Look at these people. We had faith in them, and now never again". It's why people cry burial whenever someone loses a big match, even to this day. Because for the longest time, that was the WWE Way. You get one push, then back into the shuffle you go. I already hate this match and I haven't started rewatching it.

You know how I said these are just faces in the crowd? Yeah, they all come out in T-shirts of someone else's face to Nickelback. Brie Bella is the special ring announcer for RAW/Johnny while Vickie Guerrero waves a flag. Meanwhile Nikki Bella is the SD/Teddy announcer and Hornswoggle waves the flag. Also, Eve and Aksana are there. At least Teddy gets the classic Thuggin' and Buggin' theme.

Kofi vs. Ziggler start off, as if it's the 2019 WWE Title scene. Kofi gets a crossbody for 2. Truth comes in for a double hip toss and hits a stylish leg drop. Tag to Drew who gets messed up by Truth and his spinny shoulderblock. Now Khali, who... let's just say is very different from Kofi and Truth in terms of mobility. Booker in to do his thing, including a side kick and sidewalk slam for two. Otunga goes for a cheap shot on the outside so Booker starts decking guys in the Team Johnny corner until Otunga hits him again. Now Swagger, who brings the high-impact offence like a waistlock. Swagger clothesline for two. Henry comes in to slam Booker. Otherwise he mostly stands around.

Miz chokes Booker in the corner from the outside, then tags in and does Miz things. Until ten seconds later, when he slaps on a chinlock. Booker blocks a suplex to hit one of his own. Ziggler comes in with ground-and-pound, and a screaming jumping elbow. Miz now with another chinlock. Team Teddy tries to hype up the crowd but fails. Side kick from Booker, but then he immediately eats a World's Strongest Slam. Khali with a brain chop, then Ziggler and Swagger with a double flapjack. Kofi and R-Truth clean out the entire ring of Team Johnny members. Then comes one of the most mismatched cases of "never crossbody a larger man" in history, as Hornswoggle jumps on Mark Henry. Triple dive by Kofi, Truth, and Ryder to clear out the red shirts.

Catfight between red women and blue women now, as it's a double down between Booker and Miz. Booker gets the hot tag to Santino. Santino does his sequence: do the splits to duck a clothesline, hip toss, salute, diving headbutt, and the Cobra is ready. Laurinaitis dodges a Cobra but Miz takes it. Tag to Ryder who starts cleaning up Miz and Ziggler. Sitout neckbreacker, and then over Miz for a Rough Ryder to Ziggler! I actually really like that spot. Eve comes in and they tease a double Broski Boot on Miz... but the ref's clearing Eve away, and the distraction lets Miz catch Ryder with a Skull-Crushing Finale to give the win to Team Johnny.

Post-match, Eve commisserates with Ryder, but then kicks him in the dick and turns heel. I have a lot of problems with this. Number one, Eve was already publicly a heel, openly talking about using men to get where she wanted. She'd already betrayed Ryder before. Why was everything fine for this match only? Number two, there wasn't a proper betrayal during the match itself. It's not Eve screwing Team Teddy (which would make perfect sense, given that Eve went on to be in Laurinaitis' stable afterwards). It's just Zack Ryder losing clean and then WWE humiliating him further. And finally... it's another humiliation of Zack Ryder. Between this and Bryan/Sheamus, this Mania has the theme of "fuck your favourites".

Indefensible booking all around.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #518
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Brian Knobbs
Hardcore Match
WCW Monday Nitro - November 8, 1999​

I can fit in something quick, a one-off, so here's a WCW TV match. Those are usually over quickly and stupid. I can't remember why I put this one on my backlog.

If I'm right, this is what they showed top of the third hour. It's a hardcore match, so falls count anywhere. Knobbs and Jimmy Hart come out with a wheely Surge can full of weapons. Norman Smiley is on commentary. Knobbs crumples a garbage can over Bigelow then tosses the Surge cart at him. Off we go into the crowd, with Smiley following behind with a mic. This is pure walk-and-brawl for a bit with Bigelow hitting forearm clubs. Knobbs uses a chair in the back, and then sets up a table, tossing Bigelow into it. He challenges Smiley briefly. Bigelow sends Knobbs into a basketball backboard. He no-sells Jimmy Hart's weapon shots.

Suddenly, Kimberly shows up, asking for help. Bigelow follows her, and he's away from the match. The referee... starts counting? Oh no. They've just COUNTED OUT BAM BAM BIGELOW. In a FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH. No idea how that works, no idea why. Just... WCW. Smiley has hijacked a laundry cart for some reason, and Knobbs is in a crate. Camera missed all this. Instead of letting any of this breathe, we cut IMMEDIATELY to the Outsiders with Nash dressed as the Grand Wizard for some reason. Some things don't need an explanation. I know this is just WCW insanity.

No words. I found a clip of Bryan Alvarez and co. losing their minds at this, which you should watch along with me.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #519
Meng vs. The Barbarian
WCW Road Wild - August 8, 1998​

Can't believe it took us this long to get to a Road Wild! All of the same shitty WCW matches, just with fewer lights and with the sound of constant bike engine revving deafening us all. Anyway, the Faces of Fear explode or something. Dave called this a DUD. Let's see why.

Someone in the crowd has a sign saying "Lodi wannabe". Well, who wouldn't want to be Lodi? Meng charges but Barbarian tosses him a few times. Meng trowing around chops and a corner clothesline. Belly-to-belly by Barb who tries to set up a powerbomb but gets back body dropped. Sitout piledriver by Meng. Jimmy Hart creates a distraction briefly. Diving headbutt but Barb rolls away, but he can't avoid the savate kick. Meng's up top but Barb hits a belly-to-belly superplex! Rope break means this isn't the finish.

Powerslam by Meng for two. Jimmy Hart goes to create a distraction and now Barb and Meng are in a battle of chops and headbutts. Barb goes outside and tries to drag Meng out, succeeding after a while. He bashes Meng into the steps. Back in the ring Barb's teasing the Kick of Fear but Meng gets a quick Tongan Death Grip to down his former partner. Jimmy Hart tries to attack, and then Hugh Morrus runs in and beats on Meng. The First Family begins! Jimmy Hart gets a top rope double axe handle and Morrus hits No Laughing Matter on Meng, but then Jim Duggan comes in for the save! 2x4 shots for everyone!

Perfectly fine match. Two tough bastards smacking each other stiff. In fact, I'll call this a green match, partly because the post-match elevated it a bit and partly because I know for a fact Dave would have given this at least 3 stars if it took place in Japan.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #520
The Public Enemy vs. The Dancing Fools
WCW Road Wild - August 8, 1998​

And we now move on to this minus 1 star affair between two teams that like to party and have fun. I have to say the Cagematch ratings strongly disagree, having this as a mediocre 4.08/10. Who's right? I'll be the judge of that.

Oh hey, this is the time when Magnum TOKYO was with them! There's so much "what-if" you can apply to WCW and Toryumon's sorta partnership, because a lot of their early guys showed up on the C-shows. Imagine Stalker Ichikawa on WCW. The world wouldn't be ready. Anyway, Disco and Wright are stalling on the outside complaining about the personal hygiene of the bikers.

Wright (who's a lot taller than you think) is up against Rocco Rock to start. BIG "Dsco sucks" chants early on. Wright and Magnum do the Wunderkid dance and Rock just looks on with sadness. Exchange of arm wringers, but Wright uses his athleticism to get out. He kips up like three times in a row. I love this dude. And as soon as I say that he tags in Disco, who gets a quick roll-up for one and then bails. Now big Johnny Grunge who comes in with forearm clubs but eats a Disco jumping forearm. Wright missile dropkick, and Rock breaks the pin. Rock on the outside gets tired of Wright's dancing and decks him, and the PE give Disco a double flapjack.

Magnum gives Alex Wright a garbage can full of garbage, and he uses it on Grunge. Rock knows exactly what this is now, and comes out with a ladder! Ladder levels both Fools, and they go to the back for a table. Disco grabs a mic and changes the rules to a Street Fight, letting Public Enemy get some plunder of their own. Including a TOILET SEAT! Rock starts smashing a baking tray over Disco's head as this is now just a weapons-fest. Grunge clocks him over the head with a postbox. Wright suplexes Rock on a bin for two, then Grunge claps his ears with baking trays. Table set up with Wright on top, the Flyboy goes for a big dive, but Disco trips him.

More baking sheet shots to the head, jeez. We've seen everything but the kitchen sink, but Alex Wright has come in with one and smashes Grunge's back with it. And he does the dance again! He starts choking Grunge but Rock uses a bin lid. Fans want a table bump. Magnum enters the ring as Rock smashes Disco's ankle with the toilet seat. The Fools try to whip the PE into each other but both get reversed. Wright holds Grunge as Magnum comes in for a forearm, but you know how this spot goes. Rock drops a ladder on Disco's head. Wright's walking off with Magnum behind, and now Disco's left alone.

The PE stack a trio of tables, bring Disco to the top of them with the aid of a ladder... then Rock comes off the scaffolding through all three tables! Back in the ring, the three is academic... but Magnum's back, tries to break up the pin, but splashes Disco by mistake! Grunge tosses him off and completes the win.

TWO GREEN MATCHES IN A ROW! This is the sort of dumb bullshit I can get behind. Alex Wright's random dancing, a well-executed table stack bump for once... I just enjoyed this.