Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Sky]

Entry #500
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. The Butcher
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
WCW Starrcade - December 27, 1994​

And now we come to the 500th entry in this thread! Five whole hundreds of entries! And who could it be but Hulk Hogan? I thought it would be the wrestlers like Buff Bagwell, Jim Duggan, Van Hammer, maybe even Kelly Kelly. But no, the star of this thread, making his face-melting TWENTY-SIXTH ENTRY (a full ten ahead of the runner-up), is the Hulkster! And I don't see him ever being beaten unless someone wrestles more bad matches on a grand stage, which will likely never happen. And how to celebrate him? Show him at his most egotistical! Dragging his less talented friend into a major PPV main event! So yeah, Hogan vs. Ed Leslie. Why is it so badly thought of?

I just wanted to point out that Kevin Sullivan's stable theme sounds like a ripoff of Bret Hart's. Butcher tears up a Hogan shirt, as if Hogan himself doesn't do that every show. Someone's printed out "HULK RULES" on a big roll of paper with a dot-matrix printer. That's what 1994 was. Hogan's out with a chair. "The King of Hulk Mania" -Michael Buffer. They play Hogan's theme again and use even more pyro, just so we know who matters.

Hogan's overpowering Butcher in the lock-up but Butcher comes in with chops. As Butcher does a headlock Heenan makes Andy Griffith Show references. To the outside for a bit of BOTO. After bashing Hogan's face into the furniture Butcher chokes him with a mic cable. As well as some Greco-Roman back raking. He's about to use a chair but Jimmy Hart takes it away. Atomic drop by Hogan, who immediately resorts to WCW-style BOTO and babyface eye rakes. Now Hogan's got the chair, and he's using it to hit and choke. No DQ being declared. I get it, WCW relaxed rules, but it's so often used to give a crutch to guys who can't wrestle.

Back in the ring Butcher uses some questionably legal moves like rope chokes. And boot chokes. He hits a slam but doesn't stay on the pin, then misses a diving chop. Hogan bites Butcher's face (he'd fit well in TNA today) "You ain't nothing" -Hogan, honest about Ed Leslie for once. He hits a martial arts pose then does an eye rake. Butcher gets a punch and applies a bit more neck trauma. And the dreaded DEADLY NERVE PINCH! Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Schiavone tries to sell this as Butcher trying to make the sleeper more effective, rather than just being a sign that he can't wrestle.

Hogan fights up, but gets shoved while running the ropes and put in the sleeper. There's hope spots for about a minute before Hogan does the arm-drop routine. Three limp arm drops... but Butcher breaks the hold before the ref can call the match! What? He celebrates like he's won, when he's just thrown away the win. Hogan's up, but fakes being out, inviting Butcher to cover him. Of course... two-count, Hulk up, punch a lot, fight off Sullivan and Tenta who are here to interfere, leg drop, win. 3-on-1 beatdown, but with the help of Randy Savage, Jimmy Hart, and the chair, Hogan clears them off. Post-match Vader challenges Hogan but we know how that ended, right? Well, we know how it STARTED. Hogan no-selling Vader's finish. How very Hogan of him.

Absolutely interminably dull.

 

[Chris]

Actually amazing they recovered from putting that out in a Starrcade main event, worst than when it was used for Battlebowl

 

[Death By Looch]

I mean... especially in the 90s their track record when it comes to Starrcade Main Event is, when you look back at it, atrocious.

Sting vs. Black Scorpion in 1990, then two Battlebowls. We got this one in 94, then in 96 Hogan vs. Piper, which in itself wasn't bad, but the fact the title wasn't on the line killed it. Then fucking up their biggest storyline in history with the 97 Main Event and they finished the decade with Goldberg's streak getting finished in 98 and the shittiest Montreal Screwjob parody of all time in 99.

When you just look at Starrcade, their supposedly biggest show of the year, one does wonder how they could even make it as far as they have in the end.

 

[Chris]

In those late ones the match on paper was at least good tho, the booking just sucked lol also I forgot there were two Starrcade Battlebowls

 

[Rosie]

Entry #500
Hulk Hogan (c) vs. The Butcher
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
WCW Starrcade - December 27, 1994​

And now we come to the 500th entry in this thread! Five whole hundreds of entries! And who could it be but Hulk Hogan? I thought it would be the wrestlers like Buff Bagwell, Jim Duggan, Van Hammer, maybe even Kelly Kelly. But no, the star of this thread, making his face-melting TWENTY-SIXTH ENTRY (a full ten ahead of the runner-up), is the Hulkster! And I don't see him ever being beaten unless someone wrestles more bad matches on a grand stage, which will likely never happen. And how to celebrate him? Show him at his most egotistical! Dragging his less talented friend into a major PPV main event! So yeah, Hogan vs. Ed Leslie. Why is it so badly thought of?

I just wanted to point out that Kevin Sullivan's stable theme sounds like a ripoff of Bret Hart's. Butcher tears up a Hogan shirt, as if Hogan himself doesn't do that every show. Someone's printed out "HULK RULES" on a big roll of paper with a dot-matrix printer. That's what 1994 was. Hogan's out with a chair. "The King of Hulk Mania" -Michael Buffer. They play Hogan's theme again and use even more pyro, just so we know who matters.

Hogan's overpowering Butcher in the lock-up but Butcher comes in with chops. As Butcher does a headlock Heenan makes Andy Griffith Show references. To the outside for a bit of BOTO. After bashing Hogan's face into the furniture Butcher chokes him with a mic cable. As well as some Greco-Roman back raking. He's about to use a chair but Jimmy Hart takes it away. Atomic drop by Hogan, who immediately resorts to WCW-style BOTO and babyface eye rakes. Now Hogan's got the chair, and he's using it to hit and choke. No DQ being declared. I get it, WCW relaxed rules, but it's so often used to give a crutch to guys who can't wrestle.

Back in the ring Butcher uses some questionably legal moves like rope chokes. And boot chokes. He hits a slam but doesn't stay on the pin, then misses a diving chop. Hogan bites Butcher's face (he'd fit well in TNA today) "You ain't nothing" -Hogan, honest about Ed Leslie for once. He hits a martial arts pose then does an eye rake. Butcher gets a punch and applies a bit more neck trauma. And the dreaded DEADLY NERVE PINCH! Why are we still here? Just to suffer? Schiavone tries to sell this as Butcher trying to make the sleeper more effective, rather than just being a sign that he can't wrestle.

Hogan fights up, but gets shoved while running the ropes and put in the sleeper. There's hope spots for about a minute before Hogan does the arm-drop routine. Three limp arm drops... but Butcher breaks the hold before the ref can call the match! What? He celebrates like he's won, when he's just thrown away the win. Hogan's up, but fakes being out, inviting Butcher to cover him. Of course... two-count, Hulk up, punch a lot, fight off Sullivan and Tenta who are here to interfere, leg drop, win. 3-on-1 beatdown, but with the help of Randy Savage, Jimmy Hart, and the chair, Hogan clears them off. Post-match Vader challenges Hogan but we know how that ended, right? Well, we know how it STARTED. Hogan no-selling Vader's finish. How very Hogan of him.

Absolutely interminably dull.

There is only ONE Butcher I support.

 

[Death By Looch]

In those late ones the match on paper was at least good tho, the booking just sucked lol also I forgot there were two Starrcade Battlebowls

Yea, that's true. On paper they worked big time, of course. Makes the booking and outcome of those last 3-4 even worse though.