Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Sky]

Entry #465
Marc Mero vs. Bradshaw
Brawl for All Tournament Quarter-Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 10, 1998​

"Where's Steve Blackman?" Injured in training. So, in all but one quarter-final matches, there was at least one competitor who didn't win their first match. Hey, at least Mero's presence means there'll be a punching focus. Spare a knockout? Spare just one knockout? Please?

This is a matchup of impressive moustaches. Not many punches, it goes into the ropes. Bradshaw gets a takedown, but Mero gets some well-aimed punches towards the end of the round, so it's even from here. Mero gets a good right in early on in round 2, but Bradshaw also gets a takedown. We're dead even as round 2 ends, and the crowd lets us know that it's boring. Bradshaw knows he needs to get ahead, and he gets a takedown. "GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK" -me Mero. I think he then gets another, but it's not clear. The final result... a draw? Crowd's burying this. Tiebreak round needed Why wasn't there one more round at Droz/Hawk? Anyway, that round sees Bradshaw get another takedown and win it.

Bradshaw/Droz and Bart Gunn/Godfather in the semis next week. The end is in sight.

 

[Sky]

Entry #466
Bart Gunn vs. The Godfather
Brawl for All Tournament Semi-Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 17, 1998​

Semi-finals time! Bart Gunn against Godfather. There's a joke about "reaching a semi" in there, but I'm too broken to make one. They have phone audio of a Bill Clinton impersonator (sounds the same as the iFreeClub one you used to get downloading stuff) during Godfather's entrance. Apparently Bart's injured due to a match against Vader. Watch that not come up.

Godfather doesn't even bother making the sex bargain with Bart. Both men going for punches, but Bart also tries and fails to get the takedown. Bart's just barely ahead on punchiness after round 1. Next round it's more of the same, mostly focused in the corner, and complete with the failed takedown. Bart spits out his mouthguard, takes some shots from Godfather, and gets a knockdown just before the bell. On that takedown it looks like Godfather landed badly with his knee, and it seems to cost him in the third round as a right hook from Bart Gunn finishes it. He's through to the final.

Yet another Brawl for All match. Two to go.

 

[Sky]

Entry #467
Bradshaw vs. Darren Drozdov
Brawl for All Tournament Semi-Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 17, 1998​

I'm going to hate this one, aren't I? Bradshaw's brawling (for all) style has been boring thusfar. Will that change? No!

Droz's background is described as "football, tattoos, puking". Yep. At least Bradshaw doesn't entirely focus on hugging this time. Droz staggers back avoiding a punch, and tellingly Bradshaw is up on the measure of who's fisting better. Second round is more of the same, but Droz gets a takedown for five. Bradshaw still has the edge on punches. Droz goes for another takedown in round 3, as does Bradshaw. Droz is close to taking Bradshaw off his feet, but the bell ends it and Bradshaw scrapes yet another win on points.

Yawn. Can this tournament be over now?

 

[Sky]

Entry #468
Bradshaw vs. Bart Gunn
Brawl for All Tournament Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 24, 1998​

Finally it's going to be over. And there's a crowd favourite here. Bart Gunn, knock-out artist extraordinaire, vs. Bradshaw, tough-talking but weak-punching. Will it go the right way? It's a shoot, so you never know!

Right out of the gate, both men are using their firsts, with Bart taking an obvious advantage and scoring a knockdown with a left hook. Bradshaw insists he's still good to go after that, but Bart knocks him out cold right away!

You know what? Worth. Green match. Not because of any actual merits, but because I enjoy seeing the big Texas dickhead get knocked silly. Thank you, Bart Gunn. You were the most interesting part of this tournament. Why the hell didn't WWF push you? How is this company still alive?

 

[Rosie]

How is this company still alive?​

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!