Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #465
Marc Mero vs. Bradshaw
Brawl for All Tournament Quarter-Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 10, 1998​

"Where's Steve Blackman?" Injured in training. So, in all but one quarter-final matches, there was at least one competitor who didn't win their first match. Hey, at least Mero's presence means there'll be a punching focus. Spare a knockout? Spare just one knockout? Please?

This is a matchup of impressive moustaches. Not many punches, it goes into the ropes. Bradshaw gets a takedown, but Mero gets some well-aimed punches towards the end of the round, so it's even from here. Mero gets a good right in early on in round 2, but Bradshaw also gets a takedown. We're dead even as round 2 ends, and the crowd lets us know that it's boring. Bradshaw knows he needs to get ahead, and he gets a takedown. "GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK" -me Mero. I think he then gets another, but it's not clear. The final result... a draw? Crowd's burying this. Tiebreak round needed Why wasn't there one more round at Droz/Hawk? Anyway, that round sees Bradshaw get another takedown and win it.

Bradshaw/Droz and Bart Gunn/Godfather in the semis next week. The end is in sight.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #466
Bart Gunn vs. The Godfather
Brawl for All Tournament Semi-Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 17, 1998​

Semi-finals time! Bart Gunn against Godfather. There's a joke about "reaching a semi" in there, but I'm too broken to make one. They have phone audio of a Bill Clinton impersonator (sounds the same as the iFreeClub one you used to get downloading stuff) during Godfather's entrance. Apparently Bart's injured due to a match against Vader. Watch that not come up.

Godfather doesn't even bother making the sex bargain with Bart. Both men going for punches, but Bart also tries and fails to get the takedown. Bart's just barely ahead on punchiness after round 1. Next round it's more of the same, mostly focused in the corner, and complete with the failed takedown. Bart spits out his mouthguard, takes some shots from Godfather, and gets a knockdown just before the bell. On that takedown it looks like Godfather landed badly with his knee, and it seems to cost him in the third round as a right hook from Bart Gunn finishes it. He's through to the final.

Yet another Brawl for All match. Two to go.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #467
Bradshaw vs. Darren Drozdov
Brawl for All Tournament Semi-Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 17, 1998​

I'm going to hate this one, aren't I? Bradshaw's brawling (for all) style has been boring thusfar. Will that change? No!

Droz's background is described as "football, tattoos, puking". Yep. At least Bradshaw doesn't entirely focus on hugging this time. Droz staggers back avoiding a punch, and tellingly Bradshaw is up on the measure of who's fisting better. Second round is more of the same, but Droz gets a takedown for five. Bradshaw still has the edge on punches. Droz goes for another takedown in round 3, as does Bradshaw. Droz is close to taking Bradshaw off his feet, but the bell ends it and Bradshaw scrapes yet another win on points.

Yawn. Can this tournament be over now?

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #468
Bradshaw vs. Bart Gunn
Brawl for All Tournament Final Match
WWF Monday Night RAW - August 24, 1998​

Finally it's going to be over. And there's a crowd favourite here. Bart Gunn, knock-out artist extraordinaire, vs. Bradshaw, tough-talking but weak-punching. Will it go the right way? It's a shoot, so you never know!

Right out of the gate, both men are using their firsts, with Bart taking an obvious advantage and scoring a knockdown with a left hook. Bradshaw insists he's still good to go after that, but Bart knocks him out cold right away!

You know what? Worth. Green match. Not because of any actual merits, but because I enjoy seeing the big Texas dickhead get knocked silly. Thank you, Bart Gunn. You were the most interesting part of this tournament. Why the hell didn't WWF push you? How is this company still alive?

 

[Rosie]

How is this company still alive?​

STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #469
Avatar vs. Brian Walsh
WWF Monday Night RAW - October 23, 1995​

Wasn't planning on reviewing anything today but the TEW demo came out (1) late and (2) more broken than I'd have hoped so I'm going to knock out something quick based on something I was reminded of recently. Avatar! It was an early Al Snow gimmick! He debuted! It didn't go well!

One of the surprising things about Avatar Al's debut: he comes out unmasked! He puts on the mask mid-entrance, and suddenly he becomes a ninja. It's also important to mention that he stole his mask and poses from Hayabusa, though I feel he won't be pulling off Phoenix Splashes any time soon. "Looks like a Karate Fighter to me" -Lawler, having been told to plug MB's Karate Fighters less than 10 seconds ago.

Avatar gets a single leg takedown and Walsh kips up. Lesson 1 on your debut: don't be outshone by the jobber. A very ninja-like exchange of wristlocks ensues before they do the OVW Rope Run Thing and Walsh curls up to duck Avatar. Avatar misses a back kick, Walsh half-sells it, then stops and climbs out of the ring. Avatar's about to do a crossbody to the outside, but he loses his balance and drops down again. He manages it eventually though. He goes for a second rope moonsault but Walsh rolls away. Walsh hits some clotheslines and tries an Irish whip but Avatar just grabs the ropes and slides. Avatar hits a flying tackle and backbreaker. After a standing moonsault (honestly, impressive), Avatar does a splash from a position standing on his opponent's chest and wins it. He takes off his mask, apparently because it makes him blow spots.

What a shit debut match, gave him negative shine.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #470
Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin
WWE WrestleMania 35 - April 8, 2019​

Of course, there's something big going on in the world. That's right, it's 'Lympics! The time when everyone pretends there's not war and suffering to do sports for a bit. And what Olympic thing could I commemorate for this thread? How about pro wrestling's ONLY (definitely only) Olympic gold medalist? Kurt Angle didn't do things that sucked often, but sadly one of those things was his retirement match. Against Baron Corbin, a man with whom he had no history. Just because Vince wanted to get heat on him. This certainly wouldn't get the right kind of heat on him!

For some reason JBL gets a special introduction to commentate this match, because apparently they wanted us to remember SmackDown's lowest era. The "you suck" chants for Angle are nowhere near as loud as you'd hope, mainly because this crowd has sat through six consecutive hours of wall-to-wall wrestling.

Corbin gets dominated by Angle early, eating a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for the eyes, then slides around the ring post for no reason. "There's your Gold Medallist right there" -Corbin, trying to awaken the crowd for the first time since he was in NXT. He works the most generic heel heat you'll ever see, with things like turnbuckle bashes, forearm clubs, and rope chokes. And he SHUSHES THE CROWD, as if he needed to. Angle's draped over the rope, and Corbin goes for a double axe handle (of all the moves) before Angle dodges away and unleashes the rolling Germans. Slow rolling Germans, but still pretty cool. They get two.

Corbin drops out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a big boot. He teases a powerbomb but Angle back body drops off and puts on the ankle lock. Corbin kicks off, though, and hits Deep Six for two. Angle Slam, but Corbin kicks out. Straps down! Ankle lock applied, but Corbin survives long enough to send Angle to the ropes. He gets his first heat of the match... unfortunately, it's by doing the John Cena "you can't see me" taunt, reminding us who Kurt Angle's last opponent SHOULD have been. Angle recovers and uses Germans again, before teasing his inadvisable moonsault. As seemingly always, he misses, and Corbin hits End of Days to end it. The people in the crowd look offended by this.

Angle thanks everyone and gets one last playing of his music before going to his wife and kids (aren't they loyal to Jeff Jarrett now?). Anyway, fuck this match, it was just a slow playing of Angle's hits against some guy who gains nothing from it and only serves to piss off the fans.

 

[Storm Trooper]

Entry #469
Avatar vs. Brian Walsh
WWF Monday Night RAW - October 23, 1995​

Wasn't planning on reviewing anything today but the TEW demo came out (1) late and (2) more broken than I'd have hoped so I'm going to knock out something quick based on something I was reminded of recently. Avatar! It was an early Al Snow gimmick! He debuted! It didn't go well!

One of the surprising things about Avatar Al's debut: he comes out unmasked! He puts on the mask mid-entrance, and suddenly he becomes a ninja. It's also important to mention that he stole his mask and poses from Hayabusa, though I feel he won't be pulling off Phoenix Splashes any time soon. "Looks like a Karate Fighter to me" -Lawler, having been told to plug MB's Karate Fighters less than 10 seconds ago.

Avatar gets a single leg takedown and Walsh kips up. Lesson 1 on your debut: don't be outshone by the jobber. A very ninja-like exchange of wristlocks ensues before they do the OVW Rope Run Thing and Walsh curls up to duck Avatar. Avatar misses a back kick, Walsh half-sells it, then stops and climbs out of the ring. Avatar's about to do a crossbody to the outside, but he loses his balance and drops down again. He manages it eventually though. He goes for a second rope moonsault but Walsh rolls away. Walsh hits some clotheslines and tries an Irish whip but Avatar just grabs the ropes and slides. Avatar hits a flying tackle and backbreaker. After a standing moonsault (honestly, impressive), Avatar does a splash from a position standing on his opponent's chest and wins it. He takes off his mask, apparently because it makes him blow spots.

What a shit debut match, gave him negative shine.

Did he master all 4 elements? Did he bring peace to the kingdom?

If he didn't than he ain't my Avatar.

 

[Rosie]

Entry #470
Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin
WWE WrestleMania 35 - April 8, 2019​

Of course, there's something big going on in the world. That's right, it's 'Lympics! The time when everyone pretends there's not war and suffering to do sports for a bit. And what Olympic thing could I commemorate for this thread? How about pro wrestling's ONLY (definitely only) Olympic gold medalist? Kurt Angle didn't do things that sucked often, but sadly one of those things was his retirement match. Against Baron Corbin, a man with whom he had no history. Just because Vince wanted to get heat on him. This certainly wouldn't get the right kind of heat on him!

For some reason JBL gets a special introduction to commentate this match, because apparently they wanted us to remember SmackDown's lowest era. The "you suck" chants for Angle are nowhere near as loud as you'd hope, mainly because this crowd has sat through six consecutive hours of wall-to-wall wrestling.

Corbin gets dominated by Angle early, eating a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for the eyes, then slides around the ring post for no reason. "There's your Gold Medallist right there" -Corbin, trying to awaken the crowd for the first time since he was in NXT. He works the most generic heel heat you'll ever see, with things like turnbuckle bashes, forearm clubs, and rope chokes. And he SHUSHES THE CROWD, as if he needed to. Angle's draped over the rope, and Corbin goes for a double axe handle (of all the moves) before Angle dodges away and unleashes the rolling Germans. Slow rolling Germans, but still pretty cool. They get two.

Corbin drops out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a big boot. He teases a powerbomb but Angle back body drops off and puts on the ankle lock. Corbin kicks off, though, and hits Deep Six for two. Angle Slam, but Corbin kicks out. Straps down! Ankle lock applied, but Corbin survives long enough to send Angle to the ropes. He gets his first heat of the match... unfortunately, it's by doing the John Cena "you can't see me" taunt, reminding us who Kurt Angle's last opponent SHOULD have been. Angle recovers and uses Germans again, before teasing his inadvisable moonsault. As seemingly always, he misses, and Corbin hits End of Days to end it. The people in the crowd look offended by this.

Angle thanks everyone and gets one last playing of his music before going to his wife and kids (aren't they loyal to Jeff Jarrett now?). Anyway, fuck this match, it was just a slow playing of Angle's hits against some guy who gains nothing from it and only serves to piss off the fans.

If Corbin wasn't in a position where he had Go-Away heat, would have been a nice rub. And they did have history. Just sadly it was during an era of raw so bad, Vince, Triple H, Stephanie, and Shane had to go on TV to APPOLIGIZE to the fans. The match quality though is on Kurt for how rough he was physically at the time. He was not capable of a high quality match. But still, IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CENA! HE WASN'T EVEN WRESTLING THAT NIGHT BUT APPEARED! He should have faced John in an 8 or so minute match, do the hits, Cena wins (lol) then hand shake, raise. John leaves to let Kurt say "Thank you" and that's it. At least then people would have been able to not feel like shit.

 

[Storm Trooper]

Entry #470
Kurt Angle vs. Baron Corbin
WWE WrestleMania 35 - April 8, 2019​

Of course, there's something big going on in the world. That's right, it's 'Lympics! The time when everyone pretends there's not war and suffering to do sports for a bit. And what Olympic thing could I commemorate for this thread? How about pro wrestling's ONLY (definitely only) Olympic gold medalist? Kurt Angle didn't do things that sucked often, but sadly one of those things was his retirement match. Against Baron Corbin, a man with whom he had no history. Just because Vince wanted to get heat on him. This certainly wouldn't get the right kind of heat on him!

For some reason JBL gets a special introduction to commentate this match, because apparently they wanted us to remember SmackDown's lowest era. The "you suck" chants for Angle are nowhere near as loud as you'd hope, mainly because this crowd has sat through six consecutive hours of wall-to-wall wrestling.

Corbin gets dominated by Angle early, eating a belly-to-belly suplex. He goes for the eyes, then slides around the ring post for no reason. "There's your Gold Medallist right there" -Corbin, trying to awaken the crowd for the first time since he was in NXT. He works the most generic heel heat you'll ever see, with things like turnbuckle bashes, forearm clubs, and rope chokes. And he SHUSHES THE CROWD, as if he needed to. Angle's draped over the rope, and Corbin goes for a double axe handle (of all the moves) before Angle dodges away and unleashes the rolling Germans. Slow rolling Germans, but still pretty cool. They get two.

Corbin drops out of an Angle Slam attempt and hits a big boot. He teases a powerbomb but Angle back body drops off and puts on the ankle lock. Corbin kicks off, though, and hits Deep Six for two. Angle Slam, but Corbin kicks out. Straps down! Ankle lock applied, but Corbin survives long enough to send Angle to the ropes. He gets his first heat of the match... unfortunately, it's by doing the John Cena "you can't see me" taunt, reminding us who Kurt Angle's last opponent SHOULD have been. Angle recovers and uses Germans again, before teasing his inadvisable moonsault. As seemingly always, he misses, and Corbin hits End of Days to end it. The people in the crowd look offended by this.

Angle thanks everyone and gets one last playing of his music before going to his wife and kids (aren't they loyal to Jeff Jarrett now?). Anyway, fuck this match, it was just a slow playing of Angle's hits against some guy who gains nothing from it and only serves to piss off the fans.

It SHOULD have gotten Baron Corbin over. But he was overused by this point and the product as a whole was subpar. Also Angle's body couldn't do what his brain wanted it to do anymore.

Also they didn't really follow through with the Corbin thing. He desperately needed a Championship run at some point WWE, Universal, IC, or US didn't matter which) to get the character over long-term. Instead he kept doing big-time feuds and losing.

 

[Rosie]

Also they didn't really follow through with the Corbin thing. He desperately needed a Championship run at some point WWE, Universal, IC, or US didn't matter which) to get the character over long-term. Instead he kept doing big-time feuds and losing.

Except at that time:

His character wasn't over (Stupid waist-coat). People didn't want to see him as champion, and it probably would have done numbers similar to Jinder as WWE Champion. Hell, Stomping Grounds where he main evented was one of the lowest attended PPVs at that point. 2019 was the last year I watched WWE PPVs until Bray's return and a single rumble in between. The gut punch of the ending of MITB and then the follow up to an amazing Seth vs Styles match was Corbin made me not watch for a long time.

Oh, and a bonus to the War Raiders from NXT getting a main roster debut but immediately being rebranded as the "Viking EXPERIENCE*." Man that was a terrible RAM.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Man that was a terrible RAM.

Are we all just WrestleTalk 3 Count enjoyers here

 

[Storm Trooper]

Except at that time:

His character wasn't over (Stupid waist-coat). People didn't want to see him as champion, and it probably would have done numbers similar to Jinder as WWE Champion. Hell, Stomping Grounds where he main evented was one of the lowest attended PPVs at that point. 2019 was the last year I watched WWE PPVs until Bray's return and a single rumble in between. The gut punch of the ending of MITB and then the follow up to an amazing Seth vs Styles match was Corbin made me not watch for a long time.

Oh, and a bonus to the War Raiders from NXT getting a main roster debut but immedietly being rebranded as the "Viking Raiders." Man that was a terrible RAM.

I was at the Mania weekend. War Raiders were fucked over big-time there. Also they started as "The Viking Experience" because the guy in charge at the time was so old and stupid. Then they became Viking Raiders and were bleh (but they had an awesome feud with the Street Profits that led to the Viking Profits and a battle with Ninjas and a Ninja Omos).

I will forever argue that Corbin needed to win SOMETHING. How could he get over if they put him on TV all the time in higher profile things but he never wins a single championship? It's not like he's an AJ Styles or Nakamura whose name value alone will keep them popular even without wins or championships.

 

[Storm Trooper]

Are we all just WrestleTalk 3 Count enjoyers here

I've seen some of that stuff it's fun.

 

[Rosie]

I was at the Mania weekend. War Raiders were fucked over big-time there. Also they started as "The Viking Experience" because the guy in charge at the time was so old and stupid. Then they became Viking Raiders and were bleh (but they had an awesome feud with the Street Profits that led to the Viking Profits and a battle with Ninjas and a Ninja Omos).

I will forever argue that Corbin needed to win SOMETHING. How could he get over if they put him on TV all the time in higher profile things but he never wins a single championship? It's not like he's an AJ Styles or Nakamura whose name value alone will keep them popular even without wins or championships.

Yep, fixed the typo of the Raiders to Experience. It was a typo I couldn't fix right away since supper was ready. I think he did need to win something eventually.

But also he needed a lot more than something.

Like to remove that stupid waist-coat. A better gimmick.

To not use the SAME fucking arm and head hold in every match during that era.

To maybe not be so over-exposed.

Only thing he had at the time was a good theme and finishers.

I also say this knowing full well that Corbin as a person is well spoken, smart, and a good company guy and now he's got a lot of that stuff fixed (Gee, a change of regime helped him a lot in terms of quality)