Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Sky]

Entry #742
"Barack Obama" vs. "Hillary Clinton"
WWE Monday Night RAW - April 21, 2008​

Yes, I was saving this one for Election Day. As America decides whether or not the world's going to end within the next four years, my mind goes to this encounter from 2008. That time WWE brought the Democratic primary to RAW (at least in the form of impersonators). Notice that they didn't wheel out John McCain for this one. Guess Republicans are off-limits.

Of course, before the match, we get the unfunny character skits. Hillary Clinton is described as a Hulkamaniac and comes out to Hogan's theme. Alongside her valet/husband Bill, who stumbles in the ropes. The two do Hogan poses forever. Hillary cuts a terrible promo while Bill steals her thunder with more Hogan poses, so Hillary scolds him for a bit. This is dying on its ass. And it dies even worse when "The Rock Obama" comes out. Yep, Obama doing Rock poses. And they've got him to wear massive fake ears, to the point that it feels genuinely racist. I can hear Vince saying "give him monkey ears". Again, race is fine, but Republicans are off limits to him. He does a terrible Rock impersonation, complete with "it doesn't matter".

Ref checks Hillary for foreign objects, and Bill says "she doesn't even let me touch her". Hillary does a double-leg and some Diva-esque catfighting. She slams the whatever-pound giant Obama and does a Hogan leg drop, but Obama kicks out. Obama hits a Barack Bottom, and teases the People's Elbow, but Bill trips him against the ropes. Double down, ref starts counting, but then Umaga comes out and gives Obama a Samoan Spike to end this horrid charade. At least Bill tries to play nice before Umaga chases him away and gives Hillary a Samoan drop. I guess he's voting for John McCain. Who, I will remind you, was treated with utter reverence compared to this.

Truly painfully bad... wait, holy shit, Lexie Fyfe played Hillary?