No Surrender 2010 - No Surrender to EV2.0 Extreme-ism
Bound for Glory is going to be super important, and TNA wants us to know this. Which is why this last PPV before BFG is divided pretty evenly between "throwaway randomness" and "building to something at BFG". Case in point? Cold open to when the four semifinalists in the World Championship tournament arrived at the Impact Zone. Huh. I never took Mr. Anderson as the "first in, last out" type.
Opening video package is interesting. "I want to do something no one else has done, go through the top 10" -Angle. There'd only been a top 10 for about an hour before you had the idea, so that's not an achievement. Anderson acting pretty heelish, which feels about right as an Orlando crowd could never boo Pope. Hardy is an apologist for Hogan and Bischoff putting them through hell - foreshadowing? Angle gets the final word as well as the first one, letting us know how he is Going To Win The Upcoming Match. Opening graphics are quite gritty. It's interesting how next year, Victory Road and No Surrender effectively switch aesthetics.
We open with the Tag Team titles - and an announcement that apparently happened already. London Brawling are out of the match because of a personal issue. As we know now, this was Desmond Wolfe's Hepatitis B diagnosis that ended his career. I'll miss him. He was always the Brit in TNA with the most personality. Turns out they've got a replacement, and it makes a match on a previous Impact actually matter. Feels like a while since a match involving these two mattered...
Match 1: Motor City Machine Guns (Alex Shelley/Chris Sabin) (c) vs. Generation Me (Max Buck/Jeremy Buck) - for the World Tag Team Championship
It feels sad, honestly, that the Bucks can only get a tag title shot as a last minute backup. JB doesn't even announce their surnames. "You can sense the buzz out here" -Taz, on a crowd who can't really decide on what chant to open with. Eventually they settle on "Motor City" with literally one guy responding with "Let's go Bucks". This starts with a surprising amount of mat-based chain wrestling from two teams who are usually high flyers. Douglas Williams would be proud, if he hadn't run off the entire X Division so badly they're getting Sabu to face him tonight. How do you tell the Bucks apart? I have no idea. Double missed dropkick and a staredown draws TNA chants, because apparently anything can get TNA chants now.
Tenay uses the name "Generation Me" as an opportunity to take a shot at entitled millennials. The first flip of the night comes from the Bucks when one tumbles on to Alex Shelley's outstretched arm while the other's holding it. That's actually a cool idea for a move! They then do something similar, but with a double stomp. We're four minutes in before the Guns bring out one of their stock double team spots. Shelley breaks out a rocking horse hold, which looks theoretically unbreakable. I don't get how you don't just pass out from the pain in one of those. You can't even move your arm to tap. "His brother was getting contorted, like a pretzel that was contorted" -Taz.
Sabin's clothesline appears to be avoided by one of the Bucks temporarily phasing into a different dimension. Shelley gets hit with a neckbreaker on the apron, which is cue for commentary to talk about his neck issues. The ridiculously one-sided dueling chants are back. The Bucks engage in actual storytelling, going for repeated head and neck moves on Shelley. Who says they're just spot monkeys? I get the feeling that this was the storytelling for the London Brawling match before that was called off. Finally Sabin gets a hot tag. Alex "neck issues" Shelley inexplicably goes for a suicide dive. Bucks botch some sort of double team move and commentary can't make any sense of it.
Eventually, Skull and Bones finishes this very good match. Certainly better than watching 2010 Magnus wrestle. Bucks are now officially heeling it up, going for the extended beatdown, DDTing Shelley on to the floor and causing him to be carried off by medical staff. I'm actually afraid that that might be legit for a good second. Tenay essentially goes "Speaking of injury-causing attacks, RVD's injury caused this tournament". Wow. "Kurt Hangle" -Tenay. Next up is "the lone singles championship match tonight at No Surrender" - two reactions to that.
- Why isn't AJ vs. Dreamer for the TV Championship?
- So you're telling me there's still a chance for a Knockouts Tag Team Championship match?
Match 2: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Sabu - for the X Division Championship
They struggle to come up with a backstory for this match beyond "one of them is Fortune, the other is EV2.0". Sabu's theme doesn't even sound like I remember Sabu's TNA theme sounding. Doug Williams, for that matter, has a new theme, which sounds like it's ripping off "Pretty Fly for a White Guy" or something like that. Taz calls it "Techno-Euro-Englo" music. "USA" chants for a guy who dresses as an Arab Sheik for a living. It's literally 2:30 in before anyone starts moving at more than 1 mile per hour. Maybe that HardCORE Justice match and that bizarre early elimination on Thursday completely removed the zip from Sabu's step.
Sabu flies to the outside, and the camera zooms on his face as he visibly calls a spot. He then brings out a table, and at no point is a disqualification mentioned other than that Earl Hebner isn't happy. Maybe it's ECW rules, where DQs only happen when you want them to happen. Sabu visibly botches a hurricanrana and commentary sell it as a counter. Chair comes out - Earl Hebner is fine with some chair spots, but not others. Also: an open nut shot from Williams that Hebner doesn't give the DQ for. I genuinely chuckle at Williams' extremely delayed sell of a springboard DDT.
Crowd is uncharacteristically dead for an X Division match. Maybe that's the problem with turning your excitement division into a slow paced mat division. And ye gods, is this ever slow paced. The biggest heel in this match is the referee for denying a springboard crossbody with a chair step-up. Sabu tries to leg drop a table that Williams is barely even on, and looks stupid (and probably destroys his tailbone) for it. Finish involves a denied chair shot by Williams followed by a belt shot while the ref's back is turned. Williams retains. Thank fuck that's over.
Time for Christy to interview Mr. Anderson. It's a very weird one from Anderson - he admits he doesn't care about Pope's mistrust and brushes off this match in favour of the final at BFG, which feels heelish. But then he appeals to the fans, which is face. I think he may have turned twice in the same promo. Ken "Big Show" Anderson. Christy is suitably disturbed - only partially because Anderson's shouting in her face.
Match 3: Madison Rayne vs. Velvet Sky
Crowd pops for the Beautiful People's theme, until they realise it's heel Madison coming out on Tara's bike. Got to say: leather does a lot for Madison. And she and Tara kiss! This is interesting, because TBP themselves only teased the kiss. Being more solidly heel causes you to PDA more, I guess. The theme continues to run as TBP Classic come out together. Where's Lacey Von Erich? What happened to her? Commentary compares Velvet Sky's entrance to Lou Thesz as the match starts. There's a "Masturbation" chant, I think? I hope I didn't hear that right. "That's one hot gopher" -Taz. One other thing I hope I'm not hearing right - mild piped-in crowd to hide the fact that the real crowd is dead.
Taz remarks how Andrew Thomas (the widow's peak ref) always gets the Knockouts matches. There's a reason for that - they don't trust Slick Johnson to do them anymore. Velvet does what can be charitably described as a spear. Story of this match is pretty much defined by Tara's interference stopping Velvet from winning. Of course, by the time I notice the pattern, it's taken out from under me, as a helmet shot is denied by Angelina. A simple DDT finishes it and brings the victory. So, Velvet "The Snake" Sky., I guess? Maybe this will finally settle the issue of who gets to use TBP's music from now on. And bring Madison's best entrance music.
Christy interview number 2, and it's with Jeff Hardy. Teenage girl demographic pops for this. He keeps it short, informing us he's doing it for the Rob and also lets his wet hair drip down. Maybe that's the secret of why he's found so attractive. Teen girls dig wet hair.
Match 4: Abyss vs. Rhino - Falls Count Anywhere
Rhino has always looked like his limbs are too short for his body. He's also blessed with the advantage of knowing how a Falls Count Anywhere match works, attacking Abyss outside the ring. They almost immediately brawl to the back, and soon after make it out on to the grounds of Universal Studios proper. Sadly, this really creative concept isn't explored, as they punch each other a bit in the shadow of a rollercoaster before making it back in. Trust 2010 TNA to tease something actually interesting and then snatch it away from us. Rhino gets hit by the garbage can he'd propped in the corner before they brawled to the back. There's a Scottish flag in the crowd. I feel bad for my fellow countryperson, having watched the last two matches.
We get our first "holy bleep moment" as Tenay calls it, as Rhino successfully tosses Abyss through a less solid part of the set. They're crawling around deep under the stage, when it soon becomes Abyss 2, Cameramen 0. Crowd absolutely HATES that they can't even see half this match. Like, there's open revulsion while Tenay and Taz try to talk through it. "We can't see" chants are dissuaded by Rhino getting absolutely bowled through the other side of the stage. Abyss has his ECW limp in full force. He does something I've legitimately never seen before, and picks up a guardrail to use as a weapon.
Abyss eventually goes to get Janice (but never uses it), and when he gets back, gets hit by the Gore and... kicks out. Huh. Thought the Gore was a protected finish still. Apparently the Black Hole Slam isn't protected either! We really are just burying finishers here. Commentary tries to sell the idea that Abyss is thrown off by the crowd rooting against him. This unstoppable monster is insecure about fans chanting for Rhino. Anyway, teased Gore into the propped-up guardrail sees Rhino rush right into it instead, Black Hole Slam, Abyss wins. That's about right. Seems that "they" are going to be booked better than EV2.0 (though that isn't an achievement).
We've got a video package for a match I'm pretty sure wasn't announced in advance. "Hogan's got the power, he's got the stroke" -Nash. Wait, I thought Jeff jarrett had the Stroke? jarrett thinks Nash and Sting suck in the ring. One out of two isn't bad.
Match 5: Kevin Nash/Sting vs. Jeff jarrett/Samoa Joe
Nash and Sting out to the Band's porno music. Wait, is Sting a member of the Band now? I hope not. He's in a T-shirt, anyway. One of the teenage girl demographic is
very happy with jarrett's entrance. There's an extended sequence where the referee tries to remove the big black bat from Nash and Sting's possession. As for the match, I'll be honest: there is absolutely nothing interesting about old ex-nWo guys arguing about the same thing ten years later. I'm completely unable to get invested, especially when one of the teams is a 50 year old guy and a guy who couldn't even wrestle in his heyday. And their opponents include Jeff jarrett. Commentary recognises this, talking at length about the wider storyline rather than the match.
This is atrociously slow-paced, especially when jarrett's in the ring. To make matters worse, just when we think there's going to be a hot tag to Joe, turns out the referee was distracted so he couldn't see it. And once Joe does get in legally, he takes himself out of matters with a suicide elbow to Nash. It's as if they want us to suffer. A possible botch between the two men with a combined age of 94 does what it needs to and gets jarrett into the corner, where he uses the bat. Heel foreshadowing? The crowd likes it, though. Joe - the legal man, remember? Why wasn't he counted out? - comes in with the Coquina Clutch to finish. Thank fuck that's over. That's the second time I've said that this show.
Video package time again, and it's all about EV2.0 vs. Fortune. So Dreamer vs. Styles next. At least Dreamer doesn't have to work a proper wrestling match this time. Why should we be rooting for EV2.0 anyway? They're all a bunch of old guys who keep losing. Oh yeah, because nostalgia wins every time. Sigh.
Match 6: AJ Styles vs. Tommy Dreamer - I Quit Match
It's not lost on me that since this is an I Quit match, a PPV titled No Surrender is pretty much guaranteed to feature someone audibly surrendering. Unless it's a swerve like that Velvet/Angelina match a few months back. Again: why isn't this for the TV Championship? Styles hides in the side of the stage so he can jump Dreamer with a belt shot, but fails... Way to book your TNA Original heels strong. "I don't think Dreamer has ever said I Quit" -Taz. I've checked, and this is true. He was 4-0 in I Quit matches at the time. Dueling chants are disturbingly even (disturbingly for Russo). Our first "ask him" moment causes AJ to shout "You suck, Tommy Dreamer" into the mic before landing an elbow shot that he could have landed several seconds ago.
AJ tries to drop an elbow but misses and looks stupid. I've got to be honest: I dislike I Quit matches compared to regular hardcore matches. Especially when they don't lean into the no-DQ stip like this match isn't. There's too much pissing around with a microphone. AJ calls himself the "Prince of Phenomenal", as if he didn't have a good nickname already. Dreamer actually does something hardcore, unplugging a light and beating and choking AJ with it. Styles Clash across the concrete floor is teased, which is potentially terrifying. Imagine if the move was botched Yoshi Tatsu-style. "They're all confused" -Taz on the fans chanting for AJ.
Dreamer tries to Pillmanize AJ's arm with a leg drop, which I imagine must hurt the user more if it's done on a steel chair. He's visibly clutching his tailbone afterwards. I like the attention to damaging AJ's shoulder, though. AJ's innovating some violence of his own, providing a bit of guardrail-based offense. If you're keeping score at home: that's 2 bouts of guardrail offense to 2 cameraman bumps to 2 painfully slow matches. AJ stalls forever on the Figure 4 and looks silly when Dreamer fights him off. Then he goes for that old classic: the ring post Figure 4. After so many Figure 4s, Dreamer's legs are practically gone. Actual psychology!
Both of these guys' bodies must be so fucked up. Dreamer gets a fork. "Use the fork" chants, as opposed to "use the Force" from last PPV.
...but AJ manages to Pele it out of his hands while I struggle to get that song out of my head, and then suicide dives into a kendo stick shot. That looked fucking nasty. Dreamer strips down to actual ring gear for some reason. Eventually, AJ has the fork and stabs Dreamer in the eye, which looks scarily close to being legit. You can see him actually dig the fork into Dreamer's eye... and Dreamer quits for the first time in his career. Fuck, that was distressing. And it also makes EV2.0 look even more pathetic.
Christy interview number 3, and now it's Kurt Angle. He just tells us how he is Going To Win The Upcoming Match. I'm left wondering how they handle the stipulation for this match if Hardy's so over and Angle won't be made to retire.
Match 7: Jeff Hardy vs. Kurt Angle - World Title Tournament Semi-Final Career Threatening Match
Strange that this doesn't main event, with how much more open it seems. "Massive ovation" for Jeff Hardy, even though no one outside the teenage girl demographic seems to give a shit. Crowd feels dead for Angle too. They seem exhausted after matches that, outside of Guns/Bucks, have been either bad or extremely uncomfortable. Speaking of uncomfortable, there's a very long shot of Dixie Carter in the crowd in which she expresses no emotion at all. Or maybe we're supposed to infer the emotion from what she's looking at. (Apparently this is called the
Kuleshov effect - thanks to
@Christian Cage for helping me out.) Commentary says there's a security risk to Dixie, despite her never having been attacked, unlike Ric Flair.
Early dueling chants are the male contingent chanting for Angle and the teen girls chanting for Hardy, which sounds about right. Opening two minutes is just headlocks, which makes perfect sense considering what Angle's strategy should be. Sorry if this is sounding really dry. When matches are actually well-structured and don't have high spots, I don't have much to say. Angle's powerbomb looks like he's tossing Hardy to the ground as hard as he can, which is frightening... Referee seems to be checking legitimately whether Hardy's OK. Taz actually manages to fit in some good commentary about how Angle's strategy involves wearing down the neck.
The crowd chants something involving the word "fuck" or "shit" or something. I don't know, except that my video of the PPV has turned instantly into a storm of bleeps, even chopping up the commentary. Hardy walks into a belly-to-belly suplex like an idiot. We get an overhead shot of a superplex and Taz gives a shoutout to the director, calling him by name. I'd agree - it looks cool. I feel like I legitimately hear Hardy whoosh through the air when he misses a Swanton. That's how you know he's sober. If this were the Hardy at Victory Road '11, you'd probably hear a slide whistle sound as he fell.
Hardy hits a Whisper in the Wind where his foot goes straight into Angle's face, very visibly at that. Commentary notices. Then Angle takes a Twist of Fate and Swanton on the outside. "Our audience, half of them don't realise what they just saw" -Taz, trying to explain away the oddly quiet crowd for such a ridiculous spot. We get another look at Dixie Carter, and Taz interprets her neutral face as concern. There's that Kuleshov effect, right there! When they eventually get back into the ring, they do that stock "punch each other while looking exhausted" spot, before Hardy rushes into an attempted Twist of Fate. Playing possum, or just a failed attempt at psychology? You could argue either way.
14 minutes in, we get our first successfully hit finisher in the middle of the ring, a Swanton... and Angle kicks out. Another Swanton... and Angle kicks out. A third... Angle gets the knees up. Way to protect your finishers. It makes me wonder: why didn't Angle put his knees up the first time? This allows a series of ankle locks, with Hardy countering repeatedly, but eventually getting grapevined. One single ankle lock continues for two minutes solid until...
...the bell rings for a time limit draw? That's odd, considering that there was no announced time limit for this match, but there was for AJ/Dreamer. "The referee has declared this match" -JB, who doesn't clock that the referee looks every bit as confused as I do. The crowd
hates this, having their perfectly good match interrupted like this... The cameras try to get a shot of Dixie emoting, but instead just get a shot of SoCal Val emoting. "Five more minutes" chant, telegraphing Eric Bischoff coming out to announce that exactly that will happen.
When the bell rings again, Kurt continues to attack that ankle that must be made of fucking powder by now. Angle's attempt to perform an over-grip ankle lock causes a pinning predicament. I love that - when a submission attempt puts your opponent's shoulders down and it turns into a pin attempt. Feels very real. How can Hardy stand up at this point? We get a ringside shot of Bischoff, who's probably explaining to Dixie Carter what a "wrestling match" is. An extended period where Angle looks like being counted out ends with him coming in, a double clothesline, and both men lying pretty much dead on the floor - aside from a brief arm-drape pin attempt by Angle - before the overtime ends.
"Five more minutes" say the crowd again, and Bischoff agrees with them, continuing to insist that we have a winner. How long can this go? This has to be my longest single match writeup yet. Hardy's pretty much a ragdoll. We get another sequence where Angle gets beaten up on the outside and almost counted out. The difference this time is that he gets a cut on his forehead. Hardy gets in a Boston crab, and the blood is fucking pooling around Angle's head. Jeez. Despite that absolute gusher, he ends up putting on one more ankle lock, but Hardy holds on until the end. But Bisch informs us that there won't be a third overtime, because Angle's bleeding too badly. So that's how they're going to handle this. A cop-out. That was a hell of a match, but it ends so flatly.
Christy interview number 4 is for the poor bastard who's expected to follow that up - the Pope. "Christy, you fine red-haired piece of porcelain doll" -Pope, a man of taste. He uses Anderson's "asshole" imagery to make a bit of toilet humour that I won't repeat here. The tale of the tape and buildup gives me a good bit of time to think: why is this main eventing over Hardy/Angle?
Match 8: Mr. Anderson vs. D'Angelo Dinero - World Title Tournament Semi-Final Match
Anderson forgoes the pre-match promo, which is a strange choice given that the crowd needs to be re-hyped. Pope's money rain rating: agreeable. Crowd feels dead on their feet after the absolute stunner of a match we've just witnessed. Only three or four people guy can muster up the "asshole" chant for Anderson. This match between two guys who were absolutely nurtured in the mid-2000s sanitised WWE style starts with a surprising amount of mat grappling. "That's a sitout, by Anderson" -Taz, who thinks we are blind. Pope pulls off a flying armbar, which looks cool and could have been a finisher not long ago.
Anderson pulls out spin kicks which are very RVD-esque. Fitting. Taz talks about having won a TV title with a shoulder issue, and it inspires me to write about the time I fell off a bunk bed and injured my shoulder. I'm okay now, but sometimes my right shoulder slides out of its socket just a little bit. Pope does a really lame kickout which I only realise is meant to be selling the shoulder injury when commentary talks about it.
It's so obvious that these two are trying to have a worthy main event, but it's just not possible, not after Hardy/Angle. A flying shoulderblock gets mild TNA chants. Pope attempts to perform a high spot to the outside, but... even commentary says that it looks like it hurts him more. I lose count of how many Mic Check and DDE teases happen in the latter minutes of this match - including a Mic Check by Pope. The one that eventually hits is kicked out of, but a missed DDE into a Mic Check eventually finishes it. This... wasn't anything to follow the last match, so why was it made to?
Anderson calls out his mic and does a quick promo to make sure the crowd is sent home happy as Pope becomes an afterthought. I think this is the last time he's even considered worthy of a title shot. Anderson almost says "Asshole" instead of his own name, which is rather amusing. Overall? Some really good matches, and some matches involving Kevin Nash and Sabu. See you on Impact.
