Sky "enjoys" the TNA Immortal Era

[Sky]

Impact April 7, 2011 - Anderson's an Asshole, Pass It On​

Opening package is about how Christopher Daniels is back, and the show is saved. Is what I would say if they weren't still featuring Gunner.

Naturally we head right into Fortune making the big opening promo. We get an appearance from those 2011-era Impact Zone plants, who are totally disinterested but pop when the camera is on them. Daniels is front and centre, and he's clear that he didn't do this for TNA, who dumped him again and again. He did this for AJ Styles who is a brother to him, whom he totally won't betray in a few months. This is all to set up, as expected, Daniels as the fourth man in the Fortune team in Lethal Lockdown. So far, so good.

Out comes Immortal, with Old Man Flair rambling and burying Daniels for being small and not being a star in the 80s. He offers Daniels an opportunity to leave now and not be murdered. While showing off his WWE ring and talking about how he survived a plane crash. Apparently the ever-nebulous Network wanted Daniels on TV, so Hogan and Bischoff come out to say that... they're fine with it. They want to see Daniels get wrecked in Lethal Lockdown. Also, he's up against Bully Ray later, who is allegedly the baddest man on the planet. Bully wants Daniels to put on mascara and lipstick and watch Oprah. Local man thinks too much about crossdressing cruiserweights for it to be a coincidence.

Anderson's pulling out his laptop, presumably for a mid-show wank, until he notices a little note from Sting. "Tonight, it's showtime", allegedly.

Hogan's Office Watch: Hogan is angry about the Network getting wins over him, and he suspects someone who has wrestled. Bischoff is going to fix this. X to doubt.

Match 1: Mexican America (Hernandez/Anarquia) vs. Devon/Tommy Dreamer​

Taz has a verbal erection over Sarita and Rosita. Team ECW kick it off with a big old punchfest, and dominates at first, wiping Hernandez out on the floor and bullying Anarquia with double-team moves like the Wazzup. Devon is setting himself up but Rosita hops on the apron, so Devon forces a kiss on her. Sexual assault: it's what babyfaces do! A Rosita/Sarita distraction lets Anarquia use a chair for Hernandez to get the pin. Post-match the women strip the mats and Hernandez teases Border Tossing Dreamer over the ropes on to concrete Jesus Fucking Christ why. Thankfully Matt Morgan saves Dreamer from literally dying. Morgan can't get his hands on Hernandez but Anarquia keeps getting wrecked.

Winter berates Angelina for partnering with Velvet, and is full-on abusive girlfriend about it. Angelina's in zombie mode and drinking out of that same red cup.

Match 2: Samoa Joe vs. Murphy​

Wonder how this goes? Pope's here to sit on commentary, not even bothering with the headset and sticking to his blingy mic. The distraction lets Murphy jump Joe for a good 20 seconds but Joe starts no-selling. Coquina Clutch finishes it. Pope rushes away from commentary to make sure Joe can't catch him.

Camera guy's following Anderson around and there's another love letter from Sting. Anderson is pissed and starts tossing things around. "I DON'T LIKE LOVE NOOOOTES!"

Match 3: Mexican America (Sarita/Rosita) (c) vs. The Beautiful People (Angelina Love/Velvet Sky) - for the Knockouts Tag Team Championship​

Champs out first, and Rosita is not feeling Sarita's affection. Angelina has to be dragged out. What if she's not in zombie mode and it's just all the work on her face that's made her unable to emote? She can't even let the pigeons loose, she just stares on the apron until Sarita attacks. Velvet's basically 2v1, while commentary talks exclusively about men's feuds. Angelina is too dazed to tag in. Winter shows up and does a "snap" motion so Angelina starts attacking Velvet! Neck snap over the ropes and ground and pound. Rosita gets the pin, yep.

Anderson's looking around for Sting, and finds EY and OJ. EY (still carrying around the old design World Title) suggests looking in the rafters, while OJ is into Anderson's asshole (gimmick).

One break later, and Anderson's up there. He's looking to commit Cluedo murder (it was Major Asshole, in the rafters, with the lead pipe) but he gets beaten down by an entirely different man with a trenchcoat. It's RVD! "It's 4:20, buddy" says RVD, at about 8:45 p.m. on the 7th of April. It's so weird to see RVD being intense and giving a shit about anything. I do like the filming of this, very raw. Anderson gets choked with the pipe.

Recap of the Anderson/RVD/Sting shenanigans. Anderson claims that at one point he was nice and did things the political way. RVD brags about refusing to drop the belt. Then they replay the beatdown.

Out comes World Champion Sting, who reckons it's a good night to call out RVD. He calls out RVD for being a dick, to which RVD responds with a reminder that Sting beat the shit out of him on his TNA debut. RVD basically thinly-veiledly calls Sting old and says he's the whole fucking show now. His theme didn't give that away? Out comes Hogan and Bischoff, who decides to make Sting vs. RVD in non-title tonight. We've just barely kissed the second hour and only now do we have the main event of this show! Wonder what got bumped for that, in kayfabe.

In the back Madison demands Tara do an unspecified thing and they're constantly arguing. Have we seen two women that don't have problems with each other this show? Winter/Angelina, that's it.

Anderson is being a big old grumpy guts in the back, tossing pictures around, and starts to get ideas when he sees a Hulk Hogan pic.

Match 4: Robbie E/Max Buck/Jeremy Buck vs. Brian Kendrick/Chris Sabin/Suicide​

Okay, so who's Suicide now? This is a preview of the Xscape match at Lockdown. Oh yeah, there's an Xscape match at Lockdown, something not mentioned on TV until now. Taz compares Robbie E's hair to a Russian hat. Cookie screams advice. Suicide does his stuff but the heels get him in their corner and isolate him. Robbie uses an X Division boot choke. Brian Kendrick has the hot tag. Nick blind tags in and goes on the top rope but Matt attacks him and hits a DDT. That's two matches where tag partners attacked each other! Matt takes off the Generation Me Armband (which has been totally relevant thusfar) and throws it at Nick.

Hogan's in his office with the Immortal goon squad, and he trashes Murphy and Terry for sucking. Terry makes an incredible constipation face when Gunner slaps him. Anderson clears them out to ask Hogan to ref Sting/RVD. In exchange he'll... support Hogan? What an anticlimactic heel turn, if that's what this is. "It's a good day" is the catchphrase for this episode.

Backstage it's implied that Madison and Tara ran over Mickie with their bike. She's selling it harder than she sold getting thrown in front of a train, at least. One break later, the TNA agents are trying to get medical attention for her. No shit.

Match 5: Christopher Daniels vs. Bully Ray - Lumberjack Match​

Fuck yeah, Daniels' theme is back. Lumberjacks are Fortune and Immortal members, so it's one of those lumberjack matches. You know the ones. The ones where the clashes between Facejacks and Heeljacks make the match a sideshow. At least these two can wrestle worth a damn, unlike some of the worse lumberjack matches I've watched. Bully teases using the chain but referee Jackson James takes it away, forgetting he's supposed to make dumb pro-Immortal mistakes. Daniels hits the BME but Flair yanks the ref out and everything breaks down. Out comes Hogan who now uses the chain! Hogan just did more to help Immortal in one match than he did in the past month.

Oh, fuck me, here's the jarrett vs. Angle feud again. Jeff's ordered that they put the cage up, for a bit of a fun visual. And also because he wants to know how Angle feels in jail. They've only got three walls up though (presumably because Russo keeps breaking the fourth one). Shame that match isn't going ahead anymore, says Jeff, as if he'd beaten Angle like he wants to, the pigs would have come for him instead. He calls for a Karen entrance, but we get Angle's music. And he comes in on Suicide's zip wire through the missing cage wall! That's awesome. As the fourth wall starts coming up, Angle locks the door! Karen does a high-heel run-in and Jeff has to climb to safety.

Angle explains how he got out of jail: he got the cops to watch the show, so they could see the jarretts conspire to pervert the course of justice on national television. Angle teases a stipulation for his match at Lockdown. Oh yeah, looks like you'll see one of my favourite one-off stipulations.

Match 6: Sting vs. Rob Van Dam (Special Guest Referee: Mr. Anderson)​

RVD does his thing, and does the Rolling Thunder that beat Sting last year, but only gets two. Sting dodges a corner charge so RVD hits his shoulder, but doesn't even bother to work that limb. Scorpion Death Drop, but before Sting can do anything else, Anderson hits the Mic Check on him! He starts counting for a double KO (very unevenly) but RVD gets up and wins with a Five Star Frog Splash. Post-match Anderson blasts RVD with the belt and the Immortal goons show up to celebrate with him and they milk... but it was all a ruse, a trickery! Anderson beats them up! I should have known that it wasn't real, because they would have brought out someone who actually mattered. Anderson taunts Hogan (on the ramp) a bit, to which Hogan responds by saying fuck.

And then we finish off with an extended version of that Sting/RVD/Anderson package from earlier. So far, so TNA ReAction. Remember when that was a thing? See you next Impact for the go-home!