Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Emb]

I once saw someone say this about David Flair in a thread from 2012 where they compared various wrestlers to HHH.

"I actually saw a couple of USA pro shows where Flair looked respectable. I mean HHH was clearly better, but Flair's suplex was better and I think he might have turned into a pretty good chickenshit heel if he hadn't been such an embarrassment out of the gates."

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #705
Wade Barrett (c) vs. Ezekiel Jackson
for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
WWE Over the Limit - May 22, 2011​

Oh, this is a show that stinks just by looking at it. Much like Over the Limit 2012, the previous edition had one really good match (that being Orton vs. Christian in this case) and nothing else. A few mediocre matches, and then four prime candidates for this thread. We start with this one! Barrett vs. Jackson, in the wake of the Corre split. God, the time before the Pipe Bomb was awful.

Champ out first. There's cars on the ramp and I don't know why. Crowd doesn't give much of a shit, which means the only real noise is the ear-bleeding commentary of Josh Mathews and heel Michael Cole. Barrett has a front facelock but Jackson tosses him off it. He prevents Barrett's escape to the outside. Barrett takes control with some typical brawling stuff and tries to whip Jackson but Jackson stands firm and tosses Barrett out. Boot catch and Jackson hits a clothesline. Jackson wrestles like it's the 80's. Case in point: Irish whip as offence, followed by a short elbow drop for two. Barrett takes a back elbow and complains about an injury, but uses this to jump Jackson. He sends his shoulder into the ring post, followed by a boot into the post. Barrett hits a second rope elbow for two.

On goes the chinlock. Oh good, I was concerned too much was happening. Jackson recovers but get clocked. Wasteland teased... Jackson fights out. Barrett gets a boot up and hits a pumphandle slam for two. Jackson punches Barrett TO THE OUTSIDE and gets some shots in, sending him into the post from the apron. Jackson is REALLY wrestling like it's the 80's. The days when a scoop slam was a high spot. So when Jackson does several in a row, like he is, it's mind-blowing. (Not to 2011 audiences, or to me, though). Gabriel and Slater interfere for the DQ so This Feud Can Continue, but Jackson keeps slamming them all until Barrett hits a surprise Winds of Change. NOW it's a Corre beatdown.

Fuck finishes on PPVs so the feud can continue to a different show. It really must be the 80's!

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #706
Brie Bella (c) vs. Kelly Kelly
for the WWE Divas Championship
WWE Over the Limit - May 22, 2011​

Next up, we take yet another look at the PG Divas Era. When the women's wrestling was as limited as the pre-PG Divas Era, and they weren't even allowed to make soft porn disguised as matches any more. The result was matches that appeal to no one. And you can't say "appealing to no one" without thinking of Kelly Kelly! She's challenging for the title vs. the lesser Bella Twin.

Champ out first again. Notably, this was before Nikki got her implants, so it's way harder to tell them apart. Cole buries the Divas on commentary. He says what Vince means. Nikki gets a cheap shot from the outside but Kelly quickly recovers and does the hanging headscissors thing. Crossbody for two, followed by a stinkface. Kelly almost botches going over to the apron. She's left on the outside so Nikki can get in another cheap shot. Brie snaps the arm over the ropes for two. She then does a move which I think is meant to be a sitting armbreaker but she says her plan is to put her ass in Kelly's face. She achieves neither. It's at this moment I notice that's GUIDO as ref! He looks great. He worked Ring Ka King later this year.

Anyway, Brie's working the arm and Kelly's just taking it. This at least has the principles of wrestling, even if Brie isn't really bending the arm. Kelly recovers with a Thesz press and Shane-esque punches, So many of her moves are facebusters involving hair-pulling. Ref distraction allows a Twin Magic moment to happen and an X-Factor sees Nikki get the pin.

Very typical PG Divas match. Models who can't wrestle, being asked to.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #707
Michael Cole vs. Jerry "The King" Lawler
Kiss My Foot Match
WWE Over the Limit - May 22, 2011​

This feud never stops. Never, ever, ever stops. Fuck me. And we're going to get at least one shot of dirty feet in this match. I no longer fear death.

Cole is out in a suit... limping, and with a doctor's note. He has infected athlete's foot. If Lawler kisses it he might get foot and mouth disease (even though that's not how you get foot and mouth disease you fucking moron). Ref tears up the doctor's note and allows the match to go ahead. Worst ref ever. Allowing this match to happen.

So anyway Lawler punches Cole a bit, Cole tries to crawl away like a little baby so Lawler tears his trousers off. Dropkick TO THE OUTSIDE. Cole bashes Lawler into the steps a few times and takes his shoe and sock off to reveal his infected foot and immediately fuck this match. Lawler tosses Cole into the Cole Mine which collapses. Back in the ring, straps down, top rope fist drop, it's over. Post-match, Eve Torres comes out with a moonsault, JR covers Cole in barbecue sauce, you know. Cole tries to escape his foot-kissing fate and declares Lawler a loser, before Bret Hart comes out (a man who knows Kiss My Foot matches). Sharpshooter on Cole so Lawler can shove his foot into Cole's BBQ-filled mouth.

Surely that's the feud over, right? Nope. Cole just feuded with Jim Ross for the rest of the year. So it wasn't worth seeing Cole's infected foot. Nothing is.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #708
John Cena (c) vs. The Miz
I Quit Match for the WWE Championship
WWE Over the Limit - May 22, 2011​

And we move on to the final match on Over the Limit 2011... and it's Cena vs. Miz. Was there ever a good Cena vs. Miz singles match? I can't think of one. It was all just trash after trash, from start to finish. This one is an I Quit match, involving a guy whose gimmick is that he never gives up. Wonder how this one will go, eh? It wasn't received well, except by Dave who gave it an inexplicable 2.5 star rating. I trust the Cagematch hivemind more, who gave this slog a 2.42/10 rating.

Miz is out with Alex Riley who's carrying a briefcase. Ever since Miz cashed in MitB Riley's been carrying a generic briefcase. Maybe he just likes briefcases. Right after the bell, Miz grabs a mic and comments on how Cena chose an "I Quit" match.



That's it. Miz said "I Quit" during the match, so surely the match is over. He actually says it again. Would have been funny if the ref had just called for the bell. He offers Cena to quit (otherwise it'll be a 2v1 with Riley involved) but Cena says hell no. Cena starts to dominate and puts on his typically awful STF, but Riley attacks. Cena clears off Riley and does his finish sequence on Miz again. He preps the AA but Miz counters into his Not-Particularly-Lethal Combination. Skull Crushing Finale teased, Cena counters into the AA. No finish though as Riley hits Cena with a ton of briefcase shots. Together Miz and Riley get Cena up top for a double powerbomb. Ref ASKS HIM but Cena doesn't quit.

So begins the beatdown of John Cena. He's sent into the barricade, they ASK HIM but no quit. They strip the barricade and send Cena into it. Still no quit. They then strip the announce table and grab monitors to hit Cena with. Cena manages to get a lariat on Riley but Miz sends him into the steps. Then a snap DDT on the steps. It sounds like a lot's happening, but with like a lot of these main events, you have to add about 20-30 seconds between moves. Riley picks up the steel steps and Miz threatens Cena with a beating. Cena: "go to hell". So Cena gets steps dropped on him. They do the same spot where Miz threatens Cena with a kendo stick shot. Cena: "you hit like a girl". He starts tanking kendo stick shots, including one that seems to be to the nuts. No quit. Miz lays in even more.

One more bash into the barricade, and up the ramp we go. Miz and Riley bash Cena back-first on the ramp. Then Miz hits a snap suplex on the stage. No quit. Miz kicks Cena in the head, and he falls off the stage on to concrete. Which sounds gnarly except when you consider it's only about a 3-foot drop. No quit. Riley drapes Cena on a camera rig while Miz grabs a leather belt. Time to threaten Cena with another beating to no effect. Cena: "you got a leather strap but you got no nuts". Are you kidding? His balls are massive! Cena seems to be considering it after the leather strap, but he doesn't quit. "Uncomfterability" -Josh Mathews' one-word summary of this match so far.

Miz drags Cena back to ringside when Cena gets a surprise punch and takes out Riley again. Riley succeeds in passing a chair to Miz, who ravages Cena's ribs with it. Back in the ring, Miz misses another chair shot but Cena gets up. Riley bumps the referee because... of course. Cena tries an AA on Riley but eats a reverse DDT from Miz. Miz props up a chair in the ropes and hits a Skull-Crushing Finale into it. Sort of. The chair falls out of its prop halfway through. Still no quit. Miz asks a young Cena fan if he wants Cena to quit. Cena kid isn't convinced. Miz blames the Cena kid for the mic shot that follows. Another Cena kid wants Miz to quit. He already did. Another mic shot, Miz traps Cena in an exposed barricade and threatens him again. CHAIR SHOT TO THE HEAT IN 2011. They ask him... and Cena quits! New champ!

Wait, no. Cena doesn't quit. It's the recorded voice bit from Rock/Foley. The ref realises that Riley just held up his phone to the mic and calls for a restart. How's this going to end? Well, Riley's got the belt while Miz is holding Cena back. You Know This Spot! AA to Riley through Chekhov's Announce Table. They were going somewhere with that all along. Cena pulls off his belt and gives Miz a whipping all the way to the entrance way. STF on the stage and Miz quits.

SO. FUCKING. BORING. And SO. FUCKING. LONG. It's just Cena getting beaten up 2-on-1 while the fans sit on their hands and wait for the inevitable Super Cena rally and win. And it was so one-sided that the aforementioned rally just comes off as ridiculous. I admire the audacity to do the recorded-voice spot after the twenty tedious minutes of nothing that preceded it, but that's more of an indictment of what preceded it.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #709
The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
WWE WrestleMania XXX - April 6, 2014​

Full disclosure: I'm only doing this because it's the worst-rated match on the "Worst in the World" list that I haven't covered yet. I can tell immediately, though, that it'll be an absolute atrocity to watch. A typically-glacial late Undertaker match, where he gets hurt and then loses for the first time at Mania. It's going to be pain.

Stopwatches at the ready. Lesnar's entrance: 3 minutes, 13 seconds. Taker's entrance... featuring 22 coffins symbolising the victims of the Streak, the 22nd of which sets on fire, it lasts, in total, 7 MINUTES AND 5 SECONDS. That, I believe, is a career record. At least it's not a case like Mania 34 where the entrance was 6 minutes long and the match was half that. Staredown before it begins, for instant Big Fight Feel.

Taker comes in with his strikes (so weird to call him the Best Pure Striker vs. a guy who's done legit MMA) but Lesnar counters and hits German Suplex #1. Taker's clotheslined out but lands on his feet. Knee lifts and Sheamus forearm clubs by Lesnar until Taker snaps his throat across the ropes. He then wraps Lesnar's arm around a rope before ramming him into the ring post. TO THE OUTSIDE and Taker puts Lesnar into the post again. Back in, Taker tries to go Old School but Lesnar gets a punch in. Cornered stuff but Taker ducks a corner charge to put Lesnar into the post again. Outside again for steel step bashing and a push against the barricade. Taker does his apron leg drop.

Snake Eyes, then chokeslam teased... Lesnar counters, F-5 teased... Lesnar shoved into the corner again! Taker goes for a cornered big boot, misses, and clips his right leg. Guess that's the limb Lesnar's going to work for this match. They fight a bit on the outside until Lesnar sweeps the leg, and you can hear the thud as Taker's head lands on the outside. Destination: concussion. This is what tanks the match. Back in the ring Lesnar's waiting for a floundering Taker to get back up and strikes to keep him down. BOOT CHOKING! And STOMPING! Taker clearly can't get up. He can't even roll out of the ring properly. And when he does manage it, he can't walk in a straight line.

Speaking of on the outside, a brief BOTO ends with Taker stumbling over the steps and into the barricade. Back in, Lesnar hits Vertical Suplex #2. Taker's out on his knees and Lesnar's just gently kneeing him to keep the illusion of a match. He gets some shots to the midsection of a seemingly defenseless Taker. Taker somehow has the presence of mind to do his DDT off the ropes. Taker gets the boot up in the corner, still visibly legit dazed. Corner clotheslines, Snake Eyes, big boot, leg drop for two. Taker still doesn't look all there. He can't stand up properly while teasing a chokeslam. Which he hits for two. He can hardly stand as he tries for the Tombstone but Lesnar counters into F-5 #1 for two.

Taker's trying to do a Hell's Gate outtanowhere spot but he's so unsteady that it looks really sloppy. Lesnar eventually lifts Taker up with a slam. Double down. They do the same spot again, but this time Taker makes it look worse. Another double down. Lesnar proves the rule of three by getting a surprise kimura... but Taker eventually reverses into a hammerlock. Lesnar gets it into the corner. Now Taker's propped in the corner, clearly dead behind the eyes. Taker tries to go Old School (fuck me, he could break his neck doing that on his unsteady legs). Thankfully Lesnar cans that with F-5 #2 for another two-count.

Lesnar does German Suplexes #3 and #4, and I don't think it's a wise idea to do moves that land Taker on the back of his neck in this state. After waiting for Taker to stir in the corner, Lesnar does the mounted punches but Taker counters into a somewhat weak-looking Last Ride. Tombstone, eventually, but Lesnar kicks out. Taker does the sit-up. He goes for another Tombstone but Lesnar counters into F-5 #3. That's it. The Streak is over. Heyman looks genuinely shocked. No music. The fans are stunned. That one guy in the crowd does that shocked face. Still no music until like two minutes later. Lesnar wins.

I get the strong feeling that this was not the finish. Taker got concussed and he couldn't wrestle a proper match. As I predicted, this was an absolute nightmare to watch. I was genuinely considering it making the dreaded red match for a long while, during the time where Taker was crumpled up after the concussion blow. Ultimately, it's too much like a normal match to be that, but good fuck was it harrowing.

 

[Chris]

Didn't you hear? Taker wasn't concussed, he was just in so much shock about the streak ending that he doesn't remember anything

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #710
William Regal (c) vs. Naked Mideon
for the WWF European Championship
WWF No Mercy - October 22, 2000​

Yet another entry in "how did it take me this long?!" is this one from No Mercy 2000. This only got minus half a star from Dave, which isn't bad compared to the absolute pelters he gave other matches we've already covered. However, the Great Hivemind of Cagematch deems this one of their most hated matches, with 0.86/10. As to why? It's Naked Mideon. Already-rubbish wrestler Mideon saddled with a streaker gimmick. And Regal - a legitimately funny guy - sinking down to this level of crass nonsense. Let's go.

Champ out first, to cut a promo on Naked Mideon. He basically says that he demanded the champion wrestle clothed. Mideon chooses an Undertaker merch tank top (BSK for life, they all have awful matches against each other!) and tracksuit bottoms. He's trying to be a babyface, and it's cute. Standard feeling-out, OVW rope-running thing, and then a hip toss. Mideon teases taking off his shirt which Regal treats with the horror it deserves. Regal's wrestling a much bulkier than usual broomstick. He does a drop toe hold. Mideon does a dropkick that visibly doesn't land, even at an angle from behind Regal. There's a gulf of difference. Regal rams Mideon face-first into the post and starts to work his head and neck area. JR calls Regal's style "unusual" because in the WWF in 2000, actual wrestling was unusual.

They do a back-body-drop-over-the-top spot but Mideon gets no height on his jump. It's pathetic. ON THE OUTSIDE Mideon takes his top off. He then begins the Generic Big Dude Movez and bites Regal's face. Regal does a butterfly suplex for two. I say "Regal does" it because Mideon in no way co-operates with it. He deadweights Regal again. Brief headlock and TO THE OUTSIDE for a bit of punching. Mideon dons his bum-bag and takes his trousers off. On the Network his leg region is pixelated, probably because it's too obvious he isn't actually naked when he's wrestling. He even plants a kiss on Regal! It's an exotico match! Only without the actual good wrestling. Mideon does his comeback spots and goes up top but Regal crotches him. Regal Stretch but the sight of bare man-ass is too much for Regal, so instead he uses the Regal Cutter to win.

Mideon has a bad day and Regal is wasted on this nonsense. Where are the good opponents for him?

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #711
Goldberg vs. Lord Steven Regal
WCW Monday Nitro - February 9, 1998​

Speaking of Regal and not co-operating, there's no time like the present to deal with this mess! The match where, according to some, Regal was unprofessional and deserved to be fired ten times over, and according to others, Goldberg was exposed for the fraud he was. Who's right? Let's find out.

Regal isn't in the shape of his life. "This has to be among the stiffest tests yet" -Tenay being a prophet. Regal counters a headlock into a snapmare and starts punting Goldberg. REALLY hard. He's trying to go hold for hold with a man whose only hold is an arm wringer. This feels like an actual battle for control in a way Goldberg matches don't normally do. Goldberg even breaks out a heel hook, a move he'd actually start using in competitive matches going forward. He's trying to no-sell uppercuts but Regal no-sells the no-sell and keeps doing them. Goldberg goes for a schoolboy but Regal not only keeps one shoulder up, he finds the ropes right away. THIS IS BRITWRES. He even gets a cheeky little boot to the face during the rope break.

Goldberg looks lost. Regal does a headlock takeover, absolutely deadlifting this man. Goldberg counters into a headscissors which is a surreal move to watch. Goldberg counters a front facelock and backs Regal into the corner but gets pie-faced. Goldberg manages a nice armdrag and works the arm (though Regal gets a few kicks to the face). Regal tries to sweep the leg. Deadlift-looking back suplex for Goldberg. Regal actually STOPS mid-Irish whip. He keeps going for uppercuts and Goldberg keeps no-selling them. Regal sweeps the leg and Goldberg legit trips, not wrestling-style trips. He's legit had his leg swept. Goldberg tries a spinning neckbreaker but slips off him so Regal just lands on his back. Regal's laying his stuff in in the corner, but they go home soon after that. Spear, Jackhammer, done.

Bizarre match. I was either expecting a fascinating encounter where Goldberg was effectively forced to wrestle a new style or a Tenta/Kitao-esque farce. I got neither. What I got is two people pulling in opposite directions but still somehow managing to have something that can be called a match.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #712
The Invitational Battle Royal
WWF WrestleMania IV - March 27, 1988​

Today's featured event is WrestleMania IV. You know, the tournament one. Live from Trump Plaza (well, actually the Boardwalk Hall across the road), there's a big tournament for the vacant title, and that's what's going to dominate this event. But we've got a battle royal as well, featuring the guys that could have gotten an actual Mania match if they hadn't been unlucky enough to be on the roster in 1988. This isn't talked about enough as one of the worst Manias, fuck me. Who are the 20 men who were invitationaled into this one?

• The Hart Foundation: Bret Hart/Jim Neidhart
• The Young Stallions: Jim Powers/Paul Roma
• Sika
• "Dangerous" Danny Davis
• The Killer Bees: B. Brian Blair/Jim Brunzell
• Bad News Brown
• Sam Houston
• The Rougeau Brothers: Jacques Rougeau/Raymond Rougeau
• Ken Patera
• "Outlaw" Ron Bass
• Junkyard Dog
• The Bolsheviks: Nikolai Volkoff/Boris Zhukov
• Hillbilly Jim
• King Harley Race
• George "The Animal" Steele (outside the ring)

And I remember why I don't like writing up battles royal. They're too chaotic to keep track of. Especially for the cameras, apparently, as Sam Houston gets tossed off-screen. Sika's out quickly, proving Afa was always the better Wild Samoan. The Killer Bees survive. Steele is still outside the ring. Neidhart swings at him... and Steele drags Neidhart out! Harley Race, Paul Roma and Boris Zhukov are together in an incredibly 1988 three-way fight. Both Bees and Raymond Rougeau are gone. Bass is out and gets into it with Steele. The refs think Steele's out but he's never been in. Hillbilly Jim is out. Davis and Powers too.

Race tries to get into a headbutt battle with JYD like a moron. Volkoff out too, and Zhukov and Patera are out in a battle. Jacques R and Race are both gone. Roma too, so final three is JYD, Bret, and Brown. Bret holds JYD back but You Know This Spot. Still, Brown has formed a rare alliance with someone else. Especially a white guy. Bret gets a forearm off the top to daze JYD. He's refusing to yield and go off the top... until he does. The finale is heel vs. heel, and Bret and Brown declare each other the winners. Bret's clearly the most babyface though, because he's an idiot who doesn't see the Brown betrayal coming. Beatdown and toss, Bad News Brown wins! But as he's celebrating with the oversized trophy Bret dropkicks him in the back and smashes up the gilded plastic.

Honestly not an awful match, but really dull until you got to Bret/JYD/Brown. I'm going to have to track the lineage of this trophy, aren't I?

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #713
Don Muraco vs. Dino Bravo
WWF Championship Tournament First Round Match
WWF WrestleMania IV - March 27, 1988​

And so we get into the tournament. After a somewhat acceptable for the time it got match between Ted DiBiase and Jim Duggan, this happened. The Rock vs. Canada's Strongest Man. This doesn't bode well in terms of match quality, but we'll give it a shot.

Muraco comes out of the crowd accompanied by "Superstar" Billy Graham, a man who at this point looks more like Master Roshi than a wrestler. Starting with some lock-ups but Muraco comes in with some power. He absolutely hideously botches what appears to be planned as a Vader Bomb spot. Sure, Bravo was too far away anyway, but why not do a different move? He tries an armdrag but Bravo avoids it by... standing up. A series of elbows and a gutwrench suplex by Bravo. He misses a cornered knee so Muraco starts working the knee a bit. He does a non-dragonscrew leg whip, and later does a spinning toe hold a few times. Eventually Bravo kicks off and Muraco's neck gets caught in the ropes.

Bravo steals Muraco's piledriver for two with a delayed pin. He goes for another but Muraco drops him off. Clash of clotheslines for a double down. Muraco hits a flying forearm. He then tries for another but Bravo pulls the ref in front of him. Ref bump in 1988! Bravo hits his finisher, the dreaded SIDE SLAM, but instead of counting, he calls the match. Bravo thinks he's won but it turns out the ref DQ'd him for bringing him into the line of fire.

Short match with little in the way of athleticism, some noticeable botches, and a flat finish. How very 80's.

 

[Chris]

Easily a top 5 worst Mania for me

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #714
Bam Bam Bigelow vs. The One Man Gang
WWF Championship Tournament First Round Match
WWF WrestleMania IV - March 27, 1988​

After a decent match between Ricky Steamboat and Greg Valentine and Macho Man performing an extended squash of Butch Reed, this is the fifth tournament match, and it's the first in a string of four Meltzer-certified crap matches on this show. This one earned a DUD. I wonder why.

We start with Bigelow selling for Gang's brawling. Forearm clubs galore! Bigelow dodges a corner charge, and cartwheels into a splash for two. Bigelow tries to crossbody a larger man... and succeeds, because he's just that big. He goes for a few shots to the head. Make that... a lot of shots to the head. Bigelow hits a falling headbutt and tries to come off the ropes but Slick pulls the ropes down so he falls out. Ref starts counting Bigelow out quite quickly, continuing even when they're trading blows on the apron. Bigelow just barely misses the count and Gang progresses.

Two matches, two screwy finishes that served only to confuse the crowd. Actual wrestling was a bit poo too.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #715
Jake "The Snake" Roberts vs. Rick Rude
WWF Championship Tournament First Round Match
WWF WrestleMania IV - March 27, 1988​

Now, this is an odd one. Two guys who are pretty well known as being good wrestlers, putting on a match that's rated MINUS TWO STARS. That's worse than Regal vs. Naked Mideon! How's that possible?

By the way, Donald Trump is a Hulkamaniac; the feeling's mutual. Rick Rude does his stripping routine. They exchange lock-ups then Rude does a couple of scoop slams, then Roberts counters into one of his own. Rude realises he's in the same corner as the snake bag, and scrambles into Roberts' hands. Roberts works a series of wristlocks. Rude punches him down but Roberts clings on to the wristlock and leaves Rude teetering and falling. I actually love that spot. Now Roberts has a bit of an armbar going. Rude fights out and Roberts is on the corner, but he comes off with a knee lift. DDT teased but Rude rolls out for a bit of a rest. Back in, Roberts continues on that left arm. Criss-cross spot, OVW rope-run, then Roberts slams.

Rude dodges a knee, trips Roberts, then beats him down. Clothesline, hip-swivel, and fist drop for two. On goes a chinlock for Rude. Ventura alerts us to the fact that this is a 15-minute time limit match, and ohhhhh no I just remembered what the finish of this match is. Oh no. Might I as well just copy/paste my review of Koloff vs. Eaton and call it a day? Heenan distracts the ref so Rude can go for a grounded choke. Roberts fights up but gets tossed and Rude hits an axe handle. Rude clotheslines Roberts down for two and the chinlock is back! One guy tries to start a "boring" chant. Roberts fights up but gets tossed again, and Rude hits a flying fist drop for two. "GET IN POSITION AND COUNT!" -Heenan, coaching the ref.

Another chinlock! Camera keeps focusing on the face on Rude's tights. Roberts hits a side suplex but can't shake Rude off him. Rude goes for pins but Roberts won't stay down. Chinlock again! The "boring" chants are back. Arm drop routine but Roberts is living... and pulling hair! Another arm drop routine, but Roberts is still going. He finally fights out and hits a Stunner (the irony). Time for Roberts to rally. Back body drop, short clothesline, DDT teased but Rude rams Roberts into the corner. Roberts gets the knee up though. Gutbuster by Roberts, back suplex by Rude, neither gets pins. Double down as the time limit begins to expire... Rude takes Roberts down, pins with feet on the ropes... and the time's up as the ref counts two! No winners this time.

And you know what? This was nowhere near as infuriating as I was expecting, remembering that this was going to be a time limit draw. If Rude had gone for things other than chinlocks and not dragged out the middle third of the match, I could have called this a green match. In reality, though, it's a not-as-bad-as-Meltzer-said match.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #716
The Ultimate Warrior vs. Hercules
WWF WrestleMania IV - March 27, 1988​

As a bit of a break between the tournament rounds, here's the Mania debut of Vince's new favourite steroid monkey, the Ultimate Warrior! And you know it's going to be a bad career when your Mania DEBUT is minus 1 star. How bad of a howler will this one be?

Staredown to start, followed by a shoving match. This is Herc's main event, he's going to treat it like one. Warrior does some chops. Herc ducks a clothesline and uses three in a row to drop Warrior. Both try to short-arm clothesline each other and Warrior succeeds, They somehow manage to botch a Snake Eyes. Herc tips Warrior out but he lands on his feet and drags Herc out by the tights. Some bashing into stuff. Heenan has something in his pocket. They do slugging moves which are meant to seem strong but look weak. Mounted punches by Warrior but Herc gets an atomic drop. Warrior misses a charge and Herc slaps on a full nelson. Warrior kicks off the corner and they both drop down with shoulders down. Warrior gets one up, Herc doesn't. He thinks he's won until the ref clarifies.

Wow. Great way to push your shiny new toy, Vince. Have him put on a match that's only 4 minutes but feels like a waste of time, then have him only win by a weak screwjob finish. How is this company still in business?