Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Sky]

Entry #682
Goldust vs. Stardust
WWE Fastlane - February 22, 2015​

Cody vs. Dustin. The Rhodes brothers battling it out. A match that has the potential to be really intense, emotional, and memorable. And it was all those things. Unfortunately, the year that it was all those things was 2019, and we're 4 years before that. What we get is two guys in face-paint gimmicks (and Cody in particular was not doing at all well in his). Let's see why this is viewed as one of the lowest points of 2015.

Stardust is weirding it up and not even in his full body suit. He's in his regular tights with opera gloves. He goes to hiss in Eden Stiles' face, to make her wonder why she married him. A couple of lock-ups and shoving matches, which Stardust really oversells. He then panics when the crowd starts chanting "Cody". Another staredown. OVW Rope Running Thing. Stardust counters a hip toss into an armdrag. More staring. More struggling when the crowd calls Stardust by his real name. Goldust hits an inverted atomic nutshot. Both guys counter holds when Goldust looks like he's about to go for a Curtain Call but Stardust slips out. Stardust looks like he's about to do something but Goldust counters into a backbreaker and sends him to the outside to mope about the "Cody" chants.

They have a bit of a slapfight, Goldust sets up Shattered Dreams, but Stardust escapes. He then gets the boot up for Goldust's flying nothing. Stardust does some generic heat before taking it TO THE OUTSIDE to charge his brother against the apron. On goes a bodyscissors and Stardust briefly tries to roll into a pin. He hits a front suplex, tries a boot on the chest pin, but it doesn't work. He cartwheels to show off that he still remembers... Team Rhodes Scholars, I guess. Time for some generic Stardust heat, attacking the ribs. He keeps asking who someone's favourite is. The crowd doesn't really care. Goldust fights out of a waistlock but misses a back elbow. Cross Rhodes countered by Goldust, who gets a crucifix pin... for the three?? It's not really clear. Cody has his shoulders up ON CAMERA but the ref calls it anyway. Nice botch.

Incredibly generic match for the most part, and then a botched finish. The wettest of farts.

 

[Sky]

Entry #683
Ryback (c) vs. Big Show
for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
WWE Money in the Bank - June 14, 2015​

Today's theme will be 2015. As it's a year I've noticed I don't have much from, despite it being the Year of Roman Reigns. Actually, 2016-18 were also the Years of Roman Reigns. And 2020-24 and beyond. We're in the Reigns Era. But we're not talking about Reigns, we're talking about Ryback! He won the IC Title in that Elimination Clusterfuck, and now his opponent is friend of the thread, Big Show! Three quarters of a Dave star, and 2.38/10 from the hivemind. This'll fit right in here.

Oh, and Miz is on commentary, because he's always been around the IC Title scene. "It's Feeding Time" -Ryback, before he feeds all over the place. Ryback with the spinebuster right off the bat and then the Meat Hook (he hits hard!). He calls for the Shell Shocked early but Show fights out. Ryback clotheslines Show TO THE OUTSIDE so he can attack Miz a bit. Back in the ring though Show can take control with a shoulderblock. And so we get standard Show offence (one open hand slap per year). Ryback tries to fight back but gets shoulderblocked. He manages to get the boot up on a corner charge.

Chokeslam teased but Ryback puts on an incredibly unexpected ARMBAR! I didn't know he could even do that. Even with his big arms it takes Show a while to force a rope break. Ryback suplexes the giant before getting two with a Warrior splash. Meat Hook teased again but Ryback runs right into a chokeslam for two. Show's lining up Literally Just A Punch, Ryback ducks and tries Shell Shocked, but Show shoves him off and punches him right out of the ring. Miz wants to try things with Ryback but Show scares him off... until he attacks both men with his mic and fucks off. "Thank you Miz" chant for causing this mid match to end.

Because it was absolutely mid. It had the neat spot of Ryback getting an armbar but that's it.