Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #574
Triple H (c) vs. Booker T
for the World Heavyweight Championship
WWE WrestleMania XIX - March 30, 2003​

So yeah... today's theme is RACISM! And when it comes to horribly racist WWE world title matches, this has to be right up there. Along with Jinder vs. Shinsuke, which we already covered. Booker T got a World Title shot, and Triple H responded to that by being a massive racist. "People like you don't get to be champs, now get my bags and dance for me" ughhhhhhh. And that culminated in a Triple H main event match! Those are always delightful and never boring slogs to watch! I'm ECSTATIC to be doing this!

Champ out first. Lawler compliments HHH on being reserved and well-mannered, which I can't not read as dripping with racial undertones given the context of this match. Lock-ups to start us off, then both guys take it in turns to do chops. HHH tries to go up top but Booker tosses him off. Guess he learned a lot more from Ric Flair than we thought. TO THE OUTSIDE for some BOTO, and to let Booker and Flair have a bit of a staredown. OVW Rope Running Thing ends in a Booker lariat for two. Booker ends up on the apron and eats ring post. HHH is gassed already. It's the most limited brawly shit while Lawler says "ha ha Booker went to prison". How many racists are in this match?? Booker rallies but eats a spinebuster for two.

HHH hits a corner clothesline that Booker does a nice spinny sell for. HHH tries a suplex but takes a DDT. Booker's face looks like he's going to his Spinaroonie place. He does his stuff with a spinning kick and forearm for two. HHH slaps on a sleeper, Booker gets him in the turnbuckle but eats a high knee. Booker hits HHH with a spinebuster of his own. HHH to the top rope again but flies into a side kick for two. Booker goes for the scissors kick twice but gets sent over the top rope.

Time for the inevitable Ric Flair Interference, which sees Booker's knee hit on the steps. And so HHH puts on an Indian Deathlock for a bit. At least he's not using a chinlock as a rest hold, he's actually working the body part. I feel later HHH would have just gone for a Generic Rest Hold there. Booker eventually gets a rope break. HHH now works that leg on the ropes. Booker can't even run off an Irish whip. HHH tries for a leg-trapped back suplex but Booker rolls him up for two. HHH teases a Pedigree, Booker drops off but HHH kicks Booker into the ref. Booker gets another roll-up. Booker gets a back elbow and scissors kick, but can't capitalise because of the bad leg.

Booker goes up top, fights off Flair and HHH, and hits the goddamn HARLEM HANGOVER! That's a move you never really saw from him after a certain point, when he became a WCW singles star. No pin because Flair puts HHH's foot on the rope. Booker collapses on the ropes, HHH hits a Pedigree, slow crawls, puts the arm over surely Booker will kick out... no. Three. HHH retains. And by my count, it was 23 seconds between the Pedigree impacting the mat and HHH draping the arm. So, not only did the racist win and Booker prove that people like him don't get to be champion... bur he was easily beaten. And by wrestling logic, that means racism is right. Great message, WWE. No wonder this company was dying in 2003.

Typically soporific HHH main event, married to truly abhorrent booking.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #575
Jinder Mahal (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura
for the WWE Championship
WWE Hell in a Cell - October 8, 2017​

Sure, I did Jinder vs. Shinsuke at SummerSlam already... but I didn't do their rematch at Hell in a Cell, so that I must. Thankfully, this wasn't "in Cell because October", that honour went to the actual good matches of New Day vs. Usos and (surprisingly) Shane vs. Owens.

God, Shinsuke was so cool. Even despite the wall of shit booking he was up against. The ropes are blue because SmackDown and pink because Komen. I'm so glad that the shilling for the company (not a "charity") that set cancer research back decades seems to be over. Jinder wants a test of strength but kicks Shinsuke. Jinder establishes a long wristlock. Shinsuke tries an armbar but the ref just stops him. If there was a rope break, the camera doesn't see it. Shinsuke does a few of his usual moves. He also does a cornered boot choke because he's just A Guy in WWE. Kinshasa tease but Jinder rolls out and wants to do some BOTO instead. Shinsuke's over the barricade and Jinder calls for a count-out.

Back in the ring, Generic Jinder Offense time, including a boot choke and a chinlock. The commentators are trying to explain Jinder's style without outright saying he's boring as fuck. Some morons are tying to start a pro-Jinder chant. 12-6 elbows and an arm lock. The only ones suffering more than Shinsuke are the fans. "Boring" chants ring out. Nakamura fights up and hits an enzuigiri. He then gets a kick that Jinder doesn't get near but sells like it hits anyway. Cornered knee for two. He makes sure to take out the Singhs while he's on the outside. He gets a knee lift to Jinder on the apron, misses a knee drop by a mile, and smacks against the floor.

Jinder heat, Khallas teased but Shinsuke rolls through. Shinsuke downs Jinder and sets up Kinshasa but the Singhs drag Jinder out of the ring. They then try to distract Shinsuke but he shoves Jinder into one of them instead. Singhs get removed from ringside which I love being a huge pop in the modern day. Kinshasa, but Jinder grabs the rope. Jinder tries to slink away and retain through a count-out, so Shinsuke has to drag him back. Jinder gets a boot up, tries Khallas, but is countered. Shinsuke tries Kinshasa but misses, so Jinder gets Khallas for the pin in The Same Match As Always.

I never thought I'd say this, but thank you Brock Lesnar. Not wanting to work with this fucking loser Jinder so they'd have to kill this run before the Brand Warfare Survivor Series. Rare example of based Brock. Made sure we wouldn't get more wank matches like this.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #576
Shelton Benjamin vs. Yoshi Tatsu
WWE ECW - June 30, 2009​

On the subject of anti-Japanese racism, remember when Yoshi Tatsu debuted and their way to introduce him was to have one of the new main guys on the ECW roster be incredibly racist? This is that. Hiroshi Tanahashi's less successful friend is here taking on Shelton!

"His name is fun to say" says Matt Striker, kicking us off with a good start. Shelton grabs a mic and puts on a shitty Japanese accent and speaks in broken English to his opponent. "Stand back or I call Godzilla" says Shelton. He then does a mocking bow to everyone. And then he does a fake crane stance. And then the sumo stomps. Are we trying to go through every Japanese stereotype in one match? He's got one more... and it's another bow. Tatsu kicks Shelton's fucking head in and wins the match with one move.

You may defend this with "at least the racist got humiliated" but... let's see how Shelton feels about this one.



Yep, he hates this as much as I do!

 

[Chris]

Yeah the thing about "the racist lost so it's okay" that doesn't work for me is when the talent was clearly not asked if they were okay with portraying a racist by the psychopath who scripted it that was known for firing people on whims or otherwise making their life miserable when they told him no.

Leonardo DiCaprio didn't have to worry about being blacklisted from Hollywood of he said he didn't wanna play a racist in Django, Shelton would have been gone for good if he said no to that.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #577
Power and Glory vs. Saba Simba/Paul Diamond
WWF from Huntsville, Alabama - January 7, 1991​

This one was a bit delayed because I struggled to find an actual Saba Simba match. But yeah, since our topic is racism, let's talk about this! Tony Atlas in African Tribal Dress because fuck that Mr. USA shit, he's a joke now! This was part of a WWF Superstars taping that never made it to air, but showed up on Prime Time a couple of weeks later. And since it features Paul Roma, I don't think this'll cover itself in glory.

Simba wanders into the wrong corner because being from Africa makes him an idiot according to this company. He does a series of shoulderblocks with Hercules, then a really weak looking chop. Splash, but Hercules gets the knees up. Paul Roma tries to crossbody a larger man. Simba gets some lame armdrags and brings in Diamond. Roma hits a dropkick that's pretty nice. Arm wringing galore! Diamond blocks a corner bash and bashes back. Diamond's good in the ring, just a shame he was always dull as ditchwater out of it. Hercules hits elbows "any way he wants to". I thought there were only like, two ways to drop an elbow. Diamond dodges a corner charge, hot tag to Simba, who demonstrates his only moves in the form of chops. He gets dropped out and Power-Plex to Diamond wins it, with Simba standing over his fallen partner being the last visual.

The biggest crime of this nothing match? Power and Glory were managed by Slick at this time, but we didn't get to hear Jive Soul Bro. Shameful stuff!

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #578
Hulk Hogan vs. Akeem
WWF Saturday Night's Main Event XIX - January 7, 1989​

Speaking of Vince McMahon's take on what Africa is like: Akeem! The "African Dream", as a shot at Dusty Rhodes, saw one of wrestling's more hardcore spheres, the One Man Gang, return to his "roots" and wear African dress and talk jive. He had a match against Hogan! No one asked for this. Probably not even Vince, he was probably just coked up that day.

There's that Jive Soul Bro I know and love. Boss Man is here too. Savage promises to have Hogan's back but stays behind because Hogan's got Elizabeth. Savage didn't need much acting range to play a jealous dick, did he? Akeem misses a corner charge and Hogan grabs Slick to slam him on to Akeem for an attempt at a cheeky pin. Hogan shoves his headband into Akeem's mouth before going to challenge Boss Man and slamming Slick into him too! Pure Hogan Antics. Hogan tries and fails to slam Akeem, so he dances about and goes for forearm clubs. They're meant to be elbows, but I don't think that guy has enough mobility to rotate his arm for an elbow.

Hogan comes back and slams Akeem into the posts. He cleans up Boss Man before clotheslining Akeem down. Akeem does some really bad looking hair-drags with a wristlock applied. Eventually Hogan fights back and topples the big man again. He whips Akeem into Boss Man on the apron. Hogan does some shit dancing of his own! Hogan goes for a corner splash but Akeem drags the ref in the way so we've got a REF BUMP of course. This lets Boss Man attack. Cut to the back, where Savage is just watching and not helping. The big lads take turns to splash Hogan. Liz goes to the back to beg Savage to come out with the save.

One ad break later, Liz is failing to convince Savage to come out. Turns out Hogan is fine, though, as he Hulks up! He cleans out the seconds, bashing Boss Man and Slick together. Finally he gets to slam Akeem, but Boss Man with the night stick draws the DQ. Boss Man goes for a choke with the night stick. Liz comes in and Boss Man handcuffs her, and THAT is what draws Savage out. He cleans out the heels, but then stops Liz from helping Hogan up.

Nice story, shame about the match.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #579
Sgt. Krueger/Col. De Klerk vs. Kaluha/The Beast
Pat O'Connor International Tag Team Tournament Qualifying Match
WCW Clash of the Champions XIII - November 20, 1990​

And to conclude this trilogy of turn-of-the-90s representations of Africa in wrestling, we turn to WCW! Starrcade 1990 was set to feature an international tag team tournament, but they needed an African representative team. So this qualifying match was sanctioned (no other qualifying matches were shown). And what were the two types of Africans on American wrestling TV? Racist South Africans and tribal stereotypes! So we've got one team of each (at least in theory - the black team didn't even bring the Saba Simba getup)! In true American style, none of the African participants was from outside the USA; the black team was Larry Hamilton and Bill Tabb, whilst the white team was Ray Apollo (shitty face Doink) and Rocco Rock! This got the probably-unique score of minus 1.25 stars from Dave. Let's see if it earns that.

I can't stress enough that the supposedly "African" black team has the general getup of pretty much any wrestler of their age, African-American or not. If you're going to do racism, do it right. It's Apollo vs. Hamilton to start, and Hamilton is grunting a lot in a vague attempt to play his role of a stereotype. His moveset doesn't reflect it at all, though. Literally the most "not a regular wrestler" thing he does is a knee to the gut. He then puts a wristlock on Rock, who rolls him up. "Boring" chants have begun early. Rock breaks out a moonsault block out of nowhere, and oh yeah, he's "Flyboy" for a reason. The whites go for a drop toe hold/elbow drop combo for two.

It's now Apollo vs. Tabb. Tabb hits a big flying clothesline. Rock offers a handshake, then gets on the fans' case for booing him. "That'll shake your Krugerrands!" -Paul E. Dangerously, regarding a slam by Tabb. Rock misses with a flippy flying nothing but hits a clothesline. He then goes for a double axe handle on two corners. However, he then tries to crossbody a larger man and gets slammed for two. Apollo in now, taking a very African atomic drop. Match breaks down into a bit of a mess, and then just finishes with Apollo dropkicking Rock on top of Tabb for three.

Heatless, pointless, doesn't even live up to its own gimmick.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #580
The Undertaker vs. Sid Justice
WWF UK Rampage - April 19, 1992​

RIP Sid Eudy, a truly awe-inspiring big man.

One might assume of the wrestlers that appear regularly in this thread, that I dislike all of them. That's definitely not the case (though it is for Hulk Hogan, obviously). For example, take Sid. In this era of wrestling workrate, it's easy for fans to underestimate the impact that a massive intense dude who could powerbomb the soul out of your body can have. It's why Wardlow was so over until AEW fucked him up. Sid was popular for a reason. There's a reason why WWF and WCW kept bringing him back, and kept giving him titles despite his apparent disinterest in the cutthroat world of backstage politics. So... I feel I should pay tribute, by knocking out a few Sid matches. Here's one on a UK-exclusive show.

Harvey Wippleman announces Sid, who enters with low angle Andre Cam and rants to the camera. Thanks to a relatively short entrance way, Taker's entrance only goes 1:50. Sid comes in and pounds away. He does a rope choke, which is immediately infinitely better than most rope chokes because he pulls the rope up as well as pushing Taker's neck down. He then makes the mistake of turning his back while Taker is no-selling. Leg drop by Taker missed, and then Sid does a forearm club across the ropes. He tries another but Taker snaps Sid's neck on the ropes. Taker goes Old School and topples Sid with the Bundy Killer clothesline. He's about to use the Tombstone but Wippleman gets on the apron for a distraction.

Sid misses a lariat. They go for mutual chokeslams and Sid's wins. We get a bit of a Sid heat segment with the usual stuff. Forearm clubs, rope chokes, knee to the gut, you know. Plus a move where Sid pushes Taker on the ground as he flops over. Taker blocks a club and does his patented throat thrusts. They go to the outside, where Taker stays out too long and just... loses by count-out. The fuck? Wippleman hands Sid a chair, and he uses it and does the neckbreaker. Taker sits up and hits Sid with a Tombstone. Sid gets up quite early and wants no part of the rest of this.

Really silly finish to a standard big dude match. Also this show was sponsored by The Sun, which soured me on it right away.

 

[Skyefire]

Entry #574
Triple H (c) vs. Booker T
for the World Heavyweight Championship
WWE WrestleMania XIX - March 30, 2003​

So yeah... today's theme is RACISM! And when it comes to horribly racist WWE world title matches, this has to be right up there. Along with Jinder vs. Shinsuke, which we already covered. Booker T got a World Title shot, and Triple H responded to that by being a massive racist. "People like you don't get to be champs, now get my bags and dance for me" ughhhhhhh. And that culminated in a Triple H main event match! Those are always delightful and never boring slogs to watch! I'm ECSTATIC to be doing this!

Champ out first. Lawler compliments HHH on being reserved and well-mannered, which I can't not read as dripping with racial undertones given the context of this match. Lock-ups to start us off, then both guys take it in turns to do chops. HHH tries to go up top but Booker tosses him off. Guess he learned a lot more from Ric Flair than we thought. TO THE OUTSIDE for some BOTO, and to let Booker and Flair have a bit of a staredown. OVW Rope Running Thing ends in a Booker lariat for two. Booker ends up on the apron and eats ring post. HHH is gassed already. It's the most limited brawly shit while Lawler says "ha ha Booker went to prison". How many racists are in this match?? Booker rallies but eats a spinebuster for two.

HHH hits a corner clothesline that Booker does a nice spinny sell for. HHH tries a suplex but takes a DDT. Booker's face looks like he's going to his Spinaroonie place. He does his stuff with a spinning kick and forearm for two. HHH slaps on a sleeper, Booker gets him in the turnbuckle but eats a high knee. Booker hits HHH with a spinebuster of his own. HHH to the top rope again but flies into a side kick for two. Booker goes for the scissors kick twice but gets sent over the top rope.

Time for the inevitable Ric Flair Interference, which sees Booker's knee hit on the steps. And so HHH puts on an Indian Deathlock for a bit. At least he's not using a chinlock as a rest hold, he's actually working the body part. I feel later HHH would have just gone for a Generic Rest Hold there. Booker eventually gets a rope break. HHH now works that leg on the ropes. Booker can't even run off an Irish whip. HHH tries for a leg-trapped back suplex but Booker rolls him up for two. HHH teases a Pedigree, Booker drops off but HHH kicks Booker into the ref. Booker gets another roll-up. Booker gets a back elbow and scissors kick, but can't capitalise because of the bad leg.

Booker goes up top, fights off Flair and HHH, and hits the goddamn HARLEM HANGOVER! That's a move you never really saw from him after a certain point, when he became a WCW singles star. No pin because Flair puts HHH's foot on the rope. Booker collapses on the ropes, HHH hits a Pedigree, slow crawls, puts the arm over surely Booker will kick out... no. Three. HHH retains. And by my count, it was 23 seconds between the Pedigree impacting the mat and HHH draping the arm. So, not only did the racist win and Booker prove that people like him don't get to be champion... bur he was easily beaten. And by wrestling logic, that means racism is right. Great message, WWE. No wonder this company was dying in 2003.

Typically soporific HHH main event, married to truly abhorrent booking.

That begs the question, "Does bad booking make a bad match?" because yeah it was bad booking, and the match itself wasn't good but it wasn't necessarily bad. And you say Triple H was married to bad booking, he was married to the boss' daughter, so of course he got a top spot.

 

[Skyefire]

Entry #577
Power and Glory vs. Saba Simba/Paul Diamond
WWF from Huntsville, Alabama - January 7, 1991​

This one was a bit delayed because I struggled to find an actual Saba Simba match. But yeah, since our topic is racism, let's talk about this! Tony Atlas in African Tribal Dress because fuck that Mr. USA shit, he's a joke now! This was part of a WWF Superstars taping that never made it to air, but showed up on Prime Time a couple of weeks later. And since it features Paul Roma, I don't think this'll cover itself in glory.

Simba wanders into the wrong corner because being from Africa makes him an idiot according to this company. He does a series of shoulderblocks with Hercules, then a really weak looking chop. Splash, but Hercules gets the knees up. Paul Roma tries to crossbody a larger man. Simba gets some lame armdrags and brings in Diamond. Roma hits a dropkick that's pretty nice. Arm wringing galore! Diamond blocks a corner bash and bashes back. Diamond's good in the ring, just a shame he was always dull as ditchwater out of it. Hercules hits elbows "any way he wants to". I thought there were only like, two ways to drop an elbow. Diamond dodges a corner charge, hot tag to Simba, who demonstrates his only moves in the form of chops. He gets dropped out and Power-Plex to Diamond wins it, with Simba standing over his fallen partner being the last visual.

The biggest crime of this nothing match? Power and Glory were managed by Slick at this time, but we didn't get to hear Jive Soul Bro. Shameful stuff!

Paul Diamond was pulling double duty that night. He wrestled as the masked Kato of Orient Express earlier in the night teaming with Tanaka and Mr. Fuji against the LOD in a match taped for Coliseum Home Video. And apparently after this match in a segment that never made it to TV, Diamond was attacked by the masked Mariner (Brutus Beefcake in a mask).

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #581
Sid Vicious vs. Van Hammer
WCW Slamboree - May 23, 1993​

After Sid's run in WWF ended (which was probably due to Vince wanting him to play a Hogan-esque babyface) he returned to WCW with this match. A match where he played the open challenge opponent against Van Hammer! This one earned a DUD from Dave.

Hammer in a black singlet looks so pathetic. He attacked Col. Robert Parker, so Parker brings on a stretcher, because Hammer will need it against Sid! Hammer gets a couple of punches in before Sid wrecks him and finishes him with a powerbomb. Sadly Hammer doesn't appear to do the stretcher job.

One of those squashes that only gets in this thread because Dave rated squashes in those days. Nice to see Sid, though. Wish he'd returned against someone who could sell worth a damn.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #582
Sting vs. The Prisoner
Bounty Match
WCW Slamboree - May 23, 1993​

If you'll allow me to divert from Sid for a bit, Slamboree '93 was also the scene of this crime! Sting against Nailz, another man who'd left the WWF fairly recently, though in much more acrimonious circumstances. It was meant to be Scott Norton originally, apparently, but he quit. Minus 1 star from Dave and a shocking 1.83/10 from the Cagematch hivemind. This won't be winning any awards...

"Bullshit" chants during the Prisoner's entrance, which means the fans have turned on this in MINUS 30 seconds. Sting is doing his best to get Nailz's limited offence over. That offence consisting primarily of chokes. I guess that if there's a bounty on Sting's head, if Nailz murders him he gets it regardless of any DQ, but that does not an entertaining match make. He ventures into the uncharted territory of a back elbow before returning to chokes and throat attacks. He can't even grip Sting properly for a backbreaker. Sting tries to get back into it but Nailz no-sells and rakes the eyes. To the outside where Nailz chokes Sting with a cable. Sting gets a flying clothesline which Nailz takes like shit and kicks out at one. This guy has no idea how to bump. He's no-selling again. When the ref tries to stop his bullshit Nailz chokes him which lets Sting get a clothesline of the top for the win.

I'll probably need to do a Nailz series just to reflect how fucking shit this guy is.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Entry #583
Diesel (c) vs. Sycho Sid
for the WWF Championship
WWF In Your House 1 - May 14, 1995​

Sid's second WCW run didn't last, because of something about scissors? I don't know. But he was back in the WWF eventually, and he was a Top Guy. And what's more Top Guy than main eventing for the title? Maybe holding the title in the main event. But that's no matter. Here's a tall-on-tall encounter with Diesel.

Big staredown until Diesel shoves Sid and starts going in. He even hits corner splashes like a 7-foot Sting. Vince on commentary is having 5 different kinds of orgasm whenever Diesel does anything, including a double axe handle to the outside. Sid rests outside after a Diesel jumping clothesline. He's getting annihilated, only getting offence when Ted DiBiase distracts Diesel. This lets Sid get a running knee which puts Diesel on the outside. There follows a bit of BOTO, with Sid lifting Diesel back-first into the ring post. Then a running PUNT TO THE SKULL, Sid going all the way up ringside for his run-up! That's a move I'd love to see against a jobber who knows how to sell.

Back in the ring. Sid's continuing to dominate. After downing Diesel he goes up to the corner and plays to the crowd. Commentary warns Sid that Diesel is standing up behind him but nothing comes of that. He's working the back with one forearm club or stomp about every ten seconds. Then a CAMEL CLUTCH! A few kids in the nosebleeds chant for Diesel, and Sid is screaming "SHUT UP" through it all. That;s crowd work. Diesel tries to break out but Sid butt-drops the back. Leg drop for two. Back to the camel clutch and it's a longun. Arm drop routine, Diesel survives. Sid tries the butt drop again but Diesel rolls away.

Diesel's trying to fight back but takes a chokeslam from Sid. The powerbomb connects, but Sid wastes his time posing and does a late cover, allowing Diesel to kick out. So, according to what WWF is telling me, Sid is not only Sycho, but Stupid. He misses a corner charge, takes Snake Eyes, a big boot, and the Jackknife connects, but Tatanka breaks up the pin for the DQ. Oh yeah, this was when Tatanka turned heel. Bam Bam Bigelow shows up for the save.

Anyway, that was a slow ass match. Still better than what these two would do in 2000.

 

[Grimoire Lenin]

Entry #501
The Bushwhackers vs. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers
WWF Royal Rumble - January 21, 1990​

Our next stop (the first stop of the next 500!) is the Royal Rumble of 1990 and SWEET JESUS THEY'RE RUNNING IT BACK. This wasn't even the match I was watching this show for, but I cannot believe they saw the awful Bushwhackers vs. Rougeaus match from Mania 5 and thought "yeah, we should do that on PPV again". How is this company still in business?

At least I get to hear All-American Boys and pretend the Rougeaus are facing a team that don't suck. We start with stalling, as the Kiwis are alone in the ring for a good while. Even as the Rougeaus come in, they just keep playing to the crowd. It's Raymond and I think Butch first. Raymond offers a handshake but brings the offence. He has Butch in a full nelson but Luke cuts off Jacques so Butch can... butt-bump Raymond's penis? I can see this won't be a classic. At this point, I see a sleeper by Raymond as a positive. Better than, say, Butch biting both his opponent and the referee on the backside. Jacques runs away from the Battering Ram and the Rougeaus are outside again.

Back with Jacques and Luke. Luke bites Jacques on the nose. Jacques goads Luke into going for a clothesline, but he ducks and Luke collides directly into Raymond. The Rougeaus out-comedying the Bushwhackers in a single spot. Jacques offers to let Luke hit him from behind but Raymond's right behind him. So begins a Standard Heat Segment that's legitimately refreshing just by not being an insult to my intelligence. Savate kick by Raymond gets two, just a shame that the camera misses it because of an awful angle. Luke on the outside and Jacques hits him on the apron, and the way he sells it just looks stupid. Luke slows the pace a bit by biting some shin, but the heat segment continues unabated.

Jacques hits a nice jumping back elbow, then kips up just because he can. I'm so sad he became a mountie. A ref distraction allows a double-team to drop Luke's throat across the ropes. Luke fights back with biting but Jacques cuts off Butch. Jacques applies an abdominal stretch, and Raymond uses a real chinlock, but at least that's wrestling. Jacques goes for a splash but Luke gets the knees up. In comes Butch with headbutts. Got to hand it to the Rougeaus for bumping for these guys. Battering Ram teased but Jimmy Hart grabs Luke. Jimmy Hart is about to take the crotch-splitter but the Rougeaus push the Kiwis into each other. Quebec Crab by Raymond but Jacques can't drop the knee because Luke trips him. Battering Ram into both Rougeaus, and despite both men's feet being under the rope, that's the pin.

I hate Bushwhackers matches. That went 13 painful minutes.

This is the "Quick Rub and Squeezie Squeezie" match right?

 

[Leon TrotSky]

This is the "Quick Rub and Squeezie Squeezie" match right?

nah that was the Mania 5 match which is also in this thread