Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Death By Looch]

Entry #548
Candice Michelle (c) vs. Beth Phoenix
for the WWE Women's Championship
WWE No Mercy - October 7, 2007​

How the fuck was Candice Michelle on PPV? How did she stay employed? Genuine botch machine.

I'm pretty sure you know the answer to those questions.

Could do a whole series of just WWECW PPV title defenses tbh

Yep, pretty much could be a thread on it's own.

 

[Sky]

Entry #563
Wahoo McDaniel (c) vs. "Superstar" Billy Graham
for the NWA United States Heavyweight Championship
NWA Starrcade - November 22, 1984​

Instead, the match Dave liked the least was this. And I can tell why! Karate man Superstar was being exposed as a fraud of a wrestler pretty quickly, and I'm pretty sure this is his last title match. He's in house show hell after this.

Test of strength spot, and the man with the 23-inch pythons is overcome by Wahoo. That's when you should have known that his push was dead. A guy with a bodybuilder gimmick who couldn't win a test of strength spot. Series of lock-ups where Graham shoves Wahoo. Wahoo rakes the eyes to escape. It's the 80s, even the babyfaces were heels. They start to do whip spots until Graham gets the full nelson. Wahoo gets a rope break. Graham gets a karate chop and on with the full nelson again. Graham goes for the cover for two. A back elbow and elbow drop also get two. Wahoo gets his Tomahawk Chop and Graham topples over for a really out-of-nowhere underwhelming three. Wahoo grabs the belt and gets outta there.

Big man match that didn't click, didn't interest, and just ended.

 

[Sky]

Entry #564
Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes
Tables Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship
WWE Extreme Rules - April 29, 2012​

I am going bananas with this thread. Not having to go through 2000 WCW for a while has been a rush. I'll certainly come back to it, but for now, here's Extreme Rules 2012! Why is this match in this thread? You know why. And not just because it features Big Show.

Champ out first. It's Show's beanie hat era. Heel Cody, post-Undashing but still a prick heel, looks so wrong. It's like heel Thuganomics Cena, or Stunning Steve Austin. Just like every Show vs. smaller guy match, it's the smaller guy trying to make that slow offence look good. Including by going high on a back body drop. TO THE OUTSIDE where Show does his big slap. Show sets up a table, tries to put Cody through it but Cody clips the leg. Cody gets shoved over the barricade for another open hand slap. Back in the ring, Show puts a table in the corner but Cody PARKOURS OFF IT WITH A DISASTER KICK! Cool fucking spot.

Cody tries to spear a larger man through a table. (He fails, in case you wondered.) Crowd breaks out in YES chants. On the outsde, Show gives Cody a big clothesline. Show puts another table into the ring, gets on the apron... Cody dropkicks him, which causes him to step back and break a table. The trademark Look of Oops on Show's face as he realises he's just botched so hard he lost a title. Because I REFUSE to believe that was the intended finish. You can't tell a story of "Big Show embarrasses himself all the time" going into WM, have Show overcome that, then have him embarrass himself again. That HAD to be a botch. Show decks Cody and chokeslams him through a table to reclaim his heat.

Had one cool spot, but that does not a green match make. It was just another Big Show match that ended early because of a big old fuck-up.

 

[Sky]

Entry #565
Nikki Bella (c) vs. Layla
for the WWE Divas Championship
WWE Extreme Rules - April 29, 2012​

Extreme Rules '12, in addition to having some good matches and a stupid botch, also had this certified DUD. PG Era Divas is only barely better than Ruthless Aggression Divas. They wrestle, but only slightly. Basically, Nikki's scheduled opponent Beth Phoenix is kayfabe injured so she can't make this show. "I will be the longest reigning Divas Champ in history" -Nikki, predicting the 2015 reign of terror. Her opponent is the returning Layla! Who comes out to Michelle McCool's music because apparently LayCool never ended. If she'd debuted with Insatiable she'd have gotten a bigger pop.

Or maybe they wouldn't have, because the first thing we hear is "we want Kharma". Layla does some armdrags, and then an armbar fakeout spot that is more World of Sport-like than the entirety of that Toni Storm/Saraya match. Nikki distracts the ref with a fake wardrobe malfunction so Brie can shove Layla off the top. Nikki targets the knee. Layla gets a small package for two. She's doing a decent job selling the knee, until she hits a clean crossbody for two. She baseball-slides Brie off the apron. There's a bit of a scramble of pins. Layla gets a spin kick but can't capitalise. Twin Magic sees Brie in the ring and she's the one who eats the Lay Out for the three. Wait a minute, Layla pinned the wrong Harris brother! #JusticeForNikkiBella

Anyway, this was a nothing match.

 

[Sky]

Entry #566
ShoMiz vs. John Morrison/R-Truth vs. Mark Henry/Montel Vontavious Porter vs. The Hart Dynasty
Tag Team Turmoil
WWE Extreme Rules - April 25, 2010​

I noticed there were basically no entries from 2010, so here we fucking go I guess. Tag Team Turmoil! A match between all the tag teams, but there's only four tag teams. Basically, ShoMiz are the champs and complaining that there's no challengers, so Teddy Long sets them a task: beat all the other teams. All three of them. Tag team wrestling in 2010, everybody. Think you can escape by switching to the other guys? Matt Morgan is solo champ at this time, and he's about to drop it to Kneeless, Legless, and Brainless.

First out are the team that was popularly called (but never named) Truth and Wisdom. It's interesting to see Miz on the opposite side of both Truth and Morrison. Morrison hits a really awesome armdrag. Double hip toss and double kip-up for the faces, and then a leg drop/STANDING SSP combo! How are you not pushing both these guys to the moon? In comes Show who instantly overpowers Truth by Being Big. He helps Miz hit a big boot for two. Rest hold until Truth fights back and hits a heel kick for a double down. Hot tags, but Show overpowers Morrison by Being Big. He goes for the chokeslam but Morrison drops in into a triangle choke over the ropes. So as not to break his neck on the outside, he has to hold on... and get DQ'd. Come on, ref. It was keep the illegal hold or die. Anyway, now the fun ends.

Henry and MVP now, and MVP tries to get a cheeky pin on the choked-out Show early. Henry starts to dominate by Being Big, but misses a corner splash. MVP hits a kneeling facebuster and then the Ballin' elbow. That's SO over. Show's recovered enough to break up the pin and give Henry a boot. Ref's distracted so he doesn't see MVP hit the Playmaker for a visual fall. Show gets a cheeky right and turns things over so Miz gets the pin. And now it's Bret Hart, leading out Davey Boy Jr. and Tyson Kidd. Hart Attack wins it, and they'll go on to beat ShoMiz for the belts tomorrow on RAW. After which Show decks Miz, because Tag Teams Must Split.

The sad state of tag team wrestling in 2010.

 

[Sky]

Entry #567
Shad Gaspard vs. JTG
Strap Match
WWE Extreme Rules - April 25, 2010​

Speaking of Tag Teams Must Split... CRYME TYME EXPLODE! Seriously, who wanted to see this? This failed to muster anything better than half a star from Dave, so let's see if it earns the dishonour of "second worst match on the show". This is a touch-the-corners strap match, and so I scratch two stars off this match's ceiling right away.

JTG starts strong but Shad trips him with the strap. Shad gets to three corners before JTG stops him and starts whipping him. Shad drops JTG to the apron and whips him out. This makes him unable to reach the corners with JTG deadweighting him on the outside. JTG hits a top rope leg drop and reaches three corners but Shad draws him back and hits a back suplex-position slam. Shad separates JTG's shoulder on the ring post and whips at it a bit. STRAP CHOKING! Shad starts touching corners, but JTG cheekily gets corners right behind him, then JTG fights out and hits the Box Cutter before getting the fourth! That was surprisingly short for a strap match.

Honestly? On the better level of corner-touch strap matches, mainly because they didn't drag it out. Still not in any way good, though, no one wanted to see this.

 

[Sky]

Entry #568
Michelle McCool (c) vs. Beth Phoenix
Extreme Makeover Match for the WWE Women's Championship
WWE Extreme Rules - April 25, 2010​

Last one from Extreme Rules '10. And WOW, this match is insulting. It feels like it was a dig at Beth Phoenix wanting to be a serious women's wrestler, so she'd have her title match among a pile of beauty and housekeeping supplies. I don't know how you don't just walk to TNA, Glam Slam Madison Rayne and flip Vince off live on camera at that point. Yes, that's my second comparison of WWE 2010 to TNA 2010 today. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Champ out first. Beth backs Michelle to the ropes but Michelle gets in with strikes. Guess she learned to be the Best Pure Striker in the Divas Division from Taker. Beth does a rolling bodyscissors pin and then a top rope clothesline for two. Layla tries to come in with a broom, but Beth counters and threatens Layla and Vickie Guerrero from the outside. Michelle uses hairspray then brings in an ironing board and starts attacking with it. I guess the advantage of an ironing board is that it's like a table but smaller so you can do that with it. Bodyscissors by Michelle for a rest hold. Vickie passes Michelle an iron but forgets to let go of the cord so she can't use it. This lets Beth roll her up for two.

Michelle dropkicks the ironing board into Beth in the corner for a two-count. She tosses a water bucket over the makeup table for no reason. Now it's Beth's turn to dropkick the ironing board, taking Michelle on the Concussion Express via the makeup table. Vickie and Layla hold Beth back while Michelle prepares to use hairspray, but You Know How This Spot Goes. Both heel seconds are blinded, Michelle's face is getting busted by the makeup table, and Beth tosses it over. She bashes Michelle with the bucket for two. Beth's about to hit a superplex on to a pair of ironing boards, but the heels bash at her ankles with a mop and broom. This lets Michelle drop her on the ironing boards. She comically overreacts to that only getting a two. Faith Breaker gets countered and Beth hits the Glam Slam for the win. New champ!

Yeah, felt really nasty. Let the women use actual weapons. You can still do the hairspray spot because hairspray makes sense. A mop does not.

 

[Sky]

Entry #569
The 1995 Royal Rumble Match
WWF Royal Rumble - January 22, 1995​

To close off this marathon of bad matches I did today... it's time for a Rumble! I may have said there were only two "bad" Rumbles, those being 2015 and 2022 Men's. I stand by that. But many more Rumbles commit the crime of being "bad Rumbles". That is, mediocre by most match standards, but really bad by Rumble standards. The shining example of that is 1995, which suffered from a lack of star power, realistic winners, and gravitas. The main problem: only 60 seconds between entries, the fastest-moving Rumble yet. The plan was to make us all forget about how overfull of jobbers this match was. And the winner got a World Title shot AND Pamela Anderson on his arm. Who's going for it?

Number 1: Shawn Michaels
Number 2: The British Bulldog

Okay, good start. Shawn has "TK" on his gloves, not a reference to Tony Khan but to former RAW girl and future politician Themis Klarides. I guess politicians gotta stick together. Shawn starts punchy-punchy and Bulldog uses his power. He uses a gorilla press but doesn't try to put Shawn over the top. Shawn's bumping like a damn maniac early on.

Number 3: Eli Blu

Okay, that's a bit of a downturn. I'm reliably informed that that's Ron Harris and not Don. Either way, it's a Harris brother, when he was a mountain man Nazi before being a biker Nazi or a... Creative Control Nazi. He comes in with stomps on Bulldog. Shawn mounts the corner, gets lifted, and somehow doesn't get thrown out because Eli is an idiot.

Number 4: Duke "The Dumpster" Droese
Number 5: Jimmy Del Ray
Number 6: Headshrinker Sione

Duke gets into it with Shawn, and becomes the third man to have Shawn lifted and not bother trying to toss him. The Heavenly Body, the Harris, and the garbage man start brawling until Shawn battles Del Ray. Jimmy Del Ray is somehow the first person to try and eliminate anyone. Shawn survives on the apron. Captain Lou and Afa come out with the non-Samoan Headshrinker. Del Ray is first out.

Number 7: Tom Prichard
Number 8: Doink the Clown
Number 9: Kwang
Number 10: Rick Martel

No Heavenly Bodies team-up, I guess. Sione becomes the first man to lift Shawn AND try to convert it into an elimination. Doesn't work though. Shawn is hiding in the corner. Dink is out with Doink. Shawn and Droese are mutually rope-choking each other. Four guys try to eliminate Bulldog at once, but Doink wipes out Shawn like an idiot. Bulldog and Kwang both almost have Shawn out but Kwang fights off. You'll notice I'm most often mentioning Shawn and Bulldog, because nothing of interest is happening with the other seven people in the ring right now.

Number 11: Owen Hart
Number 12: Timothy Well

Finally, someone who could viably win this thing! Well, not if you ask Bret Hart, who attacks his brother mid-entrance. A fat load of nothing happens in the ring as Bret beats on Owen and is apprehended by security. A huge pop as Timothy Well enters... but it's not because of the popularity of one half of Well Dunn, but because Owen's been eliminated off-screen by Bulldog during the entrance. Great job, production crew! On-screen this time, Shawn drops Droese out, making him land right on Earl Hebner. That's the best spot from this match. Not "one foot". The garbage man bumping a ref. Well's bumping like a maniac and Bulldog tosses him too. Martel's gone! Prichard's gone! Doink seems to be eliminated but is safe on the apron... until Kwang kicks him down.

Number 13: Luke Williams
Number 14: Jacob Blu

Thankfully, Kwang and Sione eliminate each other, simplifying the match greatly. It's now just Shawn, Bulldog, and a Bushwhacker. Shawn takes his time out of hitting Bulldog to toss Luke out. Shawn's trying to take the air out of Bulldog. Now it's Don Harris' turn to go in and quickly go out. He gets a lariat in but is dumped by Shawn.

Number 15: King Kong Bundy
Number 16: Mo
Number 17: Mabel
Number 18: Butch Miller

Sadly, Bundy is among the top 4 most viable winners so far. Third was Owen, and he's gone. Only now do we get a look at Owen's elimination, by the way. Shawn tries to stop Bundy eliminating Bulldog for some reason. Mo is out in three seconds like Owen. Bulldog tries to slam Bundy. Vince tries to make the "No one can eliminate Bundy" the original "No one can eliminate Big Show". Mabel challenges Bundy to a bit of sphere-shoving, and tries to eliminate him. Veeeeeery slooooooowly. It happens during Butch's entrance, and yep Butch is gone too. Even the combined forces of Bulldog and Mabel can't eliminate Shawn.

Number 19: Lex Luger
Number 20: Mantaur

Finally some fucking STAR POWER! Luger eliminates Mabel like it's nothing then starts unloading All-American clotheslines. He has Shawn lifted but once again DOESN'T TRY TO ELIMINATE HIM. The Allied Powers both try to remove Shawn but can't. Mantaur makes his PPV debut and goes after Luger, but gets distracted by Bulldog.

Number 21: Aldo Montoya
Number 22: Henry O. Godwinn
Number 23: Billy Gunn
Number 24: Bart Gunn

Justin Credible with underwear on his face! Shawn lets the three big men do their thing and targets Montoya. HOG is in it with Luger and Bulldog. Pamela Anderson looks on bewildered. According to Vince, the Smoking Gunns weren't in the tag team tournament that concluded at this show due to a "rodeo injury". If that isn't a euphemism... For the first time in this Rumble, a tag team is in the match together. And yet, they don't do any tag team moves. I know it's every man for himself, Gunns, but at least give yourselves a bit of an advantage by working with someone you can trust.

Number 25: Bob Backlund
Number 26: Steven Dunn

Mr. Backlund is somehow the first former WWE Champion to enter, 25 entrants in. Bret Hart comes in to attack Backlund too, seemingly not wanting any actual threats to his title. Bulldog is tangled in the ropes by his foot. Luger eliminates Backlund with a clothesline, but not before he punches Dunn out of the way of the elimination spot. Bret and Backlund continue to scrap in the aisle, which sets up their I Quit match at Mania 11, of course. "WHAT DO YOU SAY???" please no, not again.

Number 27: Dick Murdoch
Number 28: Adam Bomb

And the white supremacist contingent in this match increases to 3. Murdoch starts walking and brawling before going into it with Shawn. The big atomic bastard is attacking Dunn. (I've got a bit of a soft spot for this era of Bryan Clark because he did amazing for me in a TEW save once.) Shawn's dangling after HOG tries to dumb him.

Number 29: Headshrinker Fatu
Number 30: Crush

Billy Gunn survives Fatu's initial assault. Luger jiggles the ropes to aid his elimination of Mantaur. The Smoking Guns try to eliminate each other for no reason, which lets Edgy Black Facepaint Crush dump them both. Dunn's gone thanks to Aldo. The future KroniK are battling in the corner. Lawler can't make up his mind with who his pick is, and makes the valid point that two men won last year. "Never again will two men go out at the same time", says Vince. "Or may my quads explode" he sadly doesn't continue. Dick Murdoch almost eliminates Shawn but Luger makes the save for no reason. Murdoch tries using crawling headbutts as if it's the '70s.

Crush finally manages to complete his (Adam) Bomb disposal. Shawn takes out Montoya. Luger saves Shawn from elimination again. Lawler speculates Luger made a deal. "Lex Luger does not make deals", says Vince. "Except with WCW later this year" he sadly doesn't continue. Murdoch uses an airplane spin on HOG and it knocks over Shawn. They both go over the top but HOG survives, skinning the cat in a way that puts Shawn in five minutes or so to shame. There's a big Final Five standoff. It's like the Final Four, but the Allied Powers are standing next to each other. Luger eliminates HOG now.

Shawn caresses Luger's thighs for no reason. He goes back and forth between decking Bulldog and taunting Luger. Luger survives and mounts the top rope for punches... Shawn tips him over! Shawn and Crush agree to battle Bulldog together. It goes well until Crush attacks Shawn. He tries to gorilla press Shawn out and matador Bulldog into eliminating him. We're down to numbers 1 and 2 again! So basically, this is what would happen if Shawn and Bulldog had an Over the Top Rope Challenge, but 28 other goobers showed up to join the party for a few seconds at a time.

Bulldog counters a back body drop attempt with a FORCEFUL high knee. Shawn's an amazing seller. Bulldog is booting Shawn, and then crotching him on the rope, but accidentally pushes him back in each time. The spot that made the match famous now... Bulldog puts Shawn over, Shawn doesn't have both feet touch the floor, clinging to the ropes, Bulldog thinks he's won the match. The trouble is, the crowd is not fooled at all. They see Shawn still living. Vince seems to believe Shawn's gone though, as does the sound guy who plays Bulldog's music. Bulldog mounts the corner and Shawn dumps him out. One foot! One foot! Although I'm pretty sure, watching the replay, Shawn forgets which foot had been on the floor! #JusticeForTheBritishBulldog

That ending is a LOT flatter than the video packages and retrospectives make it look. Add that to the jobbery stink of the thing... and yeah! This is a "bad Rumble". Maybe even approaching the level of a "bad" Rumble.

 

[Storm Trooper]

Entry #548
Candice Michelle (c) vs. Beth Phoenix
for the WWE Women's Championship
WWE No Mercy - October 7, 2007​

Going to do a couple more from No Mercy, as it leads in to what I REALLY wanted to talk about today. But first, some token Diva-era suckage. Less sucky than usual, though, as it's featuring Beth Phoenix.

Candice is out in an angel-inspired robe. Beth starts out overpowering Candice early and tossing her about. Candice floats over in the corner and makes a really sloppy attempt to do a bridging pin. Crowd wants puppies. Candice dodges a corner charge and unleashes some kicks for two. The gulf in quality, in smoothness, is so obvious. Candice tries to crossbody a larger woman. Beth locks the head and arm, Candice tries to do that thing where she goes off the corner into a front cutter pin but she botches and falls backwards. She breaks the submission by charging into the corner, screaming all the way.

Everything Candice does looks like shit, including a kick that doesn't hit Beth at all. She finally succeeds in hitting a crossbody for two. Beth is doing the thing where she catches Candice and goes into the corner but Candice deadweights her so she just stumbles into the corner. Sunset flip for two. Beth hits a backbreaker and the Flying Phoenix Suplex to win it and she's so happy to win it. She promos about having won the previous match while not being a supermodel.

How the fuck was Candice Michelle on PPV? How did she stay employed? Genuine botch machine.

Reasons Candice Michelle was employed:

1 and 2. Boobs.
3. GoDaddy.com. She was the spokesperson who was in multiple Super Bowl ads during this run (and after she left).

 

[Skyefire]

The '95 Rumble Match came in at about 38 minutes making it the shortest 30-man Rumble and only five minutes longer than the 20-man Rumble in 1988. By my research the only other Rumble match to come it at under 50 minutes was 2010 at 49.

 

[Sky]

Entry #570
Norman Smiley vs. Jimmy Hart
Hardcore Match
WCW Monday Nitro - November 15, 1999​

Today's theme is... well, it's going to be something related to what happens on this Nitro. But there's four matches on this that particularly stick out as stupid, and I'm going to look at them. First off: Jimmy Hart wrestling! This is part of the build to Mayhem and Smiley vs. Knobbs for the Hardcore Title, of course.

Hart tries to counter Smiley's football gear by coming out in a SUIT OF ARMOUR! That's an even better gimmick. He's got the First Family cart of plunder with him. He's no-selling most everything, but the problem is he can't see through the helmet. Smiley takes him out by the legs and then Big Wiggles nothing. Hart gets some powder and uses it to blind his opponent. Smiley eventually has to take off the helmet to scream a bit and aerate his eyes. Hart waddles about and hits Smiley with stuff, then wiggles. He gets rolled up for 1. Out comes Knobbs to whack Smiley on the head... but he kicks out at 2! Knobbs sets up a table and chases Smiley around it with stuff, crashing him into Hart for two. Smiley's on the table, Hart tries to smash through it but Smiley rolls away and pins him for three. Knobbs beats him up some more.

That's actually a good gag. Why didn't we see Hart doing a suit of armour match during his run with the Saturday Night book? I'm sad that that run ended.

 

[Sky]

Entry #571
Psicosis vs. Juventud Guerrera vs. Silver King vs. Villano V vs. El Dandy
Pinata on a Pole Match
WCW Monday Nitro - November 15, 1999​

Okay, here's today's theme: RACISM! Good old fashioned racism, on our TV screens. Vince "if you want Lucha Libres go to Japan" Russo sees five talented Mexican dudes and thinks "PINATA!". So he's basically roped them into a match that is like a birthday party for the type of child Russo doesn't let his kids visit because "they ain't like us, bro".

No entrances for anyone. There's apparently 10 grand in that pinata, which falls down immediately. And yet no one thinks to pick it up. Not even Psicosis who's RIGHT THE FUCK THERE. Oklahoma and Dr. Death are here too, and the pain never ends. Villano hits a really clean backbreaker on Silver King and no one cares. Juvi picks up a stick and actually goes to PUT THE PINATA BACK UP so he can knock it down again. He's taken down, completely off-screen because the camera's on FUCKING OKLAHOMA.

Dandy's at his most Jack Black-like in this moment. Psicosis has the pinata and now it's Villano's turn to try and put it back up. Camera is barely on the match. Juvi hits a move which the camera misses and does his Muta elbow. He shakes down the pinata but Dr. Death crotches him and the match is called off. Eventually Silver King ends up with the cheque but it gets him wrecked by Dr. Death. It was a slobberknocker, according to Oklahoma.

A complete farce, burying some genuine talent in favour of a shitty Jim Ross impersonation.

 

[Sky]

Entry #572
Berlyn/The Wall vs. Vampiro/The Misfits
WCW Monday Nitro - November 15, 1999​

Yes, the Misfits. The actual band, the Misfits. Represented tonight by - I'm told - Jerry Only, Doyle Wolfgang von Frankenstein, and Dr. Chud. They all count as one person against the Wall. Maybe I'd be able to tell them apart if they wore different coloured face paint, or had different hairstyles. They're more like an edgy Blue Man Group as it stands. I'm mixed on Berlyn. This is a fine new look for Alex Wright, except for the new hairdo and the fact that his character is now Generic Foreign Heel. Give him leather jackets and sunglasses at night and let him imply that he's sadistic because he's German, rather than giving him a shitty haircut and screaming that from the rafters.

They're chanting USA for a match where the babyface is a Canadian. Berlyn is indeed good at this. They do the rope running thing and then Berlyn tags out to the Wall. Misfits start to swarm Wall but he starts fucking them up. He drops two guys right on their necks with a chokeslam. Now Vampiro is going to have to fight both guys. He clears out Wall but eats a spin kick from Berlyn. Missile dropkick/suplex combo should finish it, but Berlyn is mad that Wall's going for the pin. So Wall just watches as Vampiro hits Nail in the Coffin. He teases a frankensteiner, but gets powerbombed! Wall stops Berlyn's pin! Vampiro tries to roll up an arguing Berlyn and gets chokeslammed for the loss.

They've been together for what, a month? And you're teasing breaking them up? Insanity. Russo insanity.

 

[Sky]

Entry #573
Kimberly Page vs. Asya
WCW Monday Nitro - November 15, 1999​

God, remember Asya? She was Bigger Than Chyna. Yes, that was her entire reason for existing. This is certainly interesting, in that I don't think these two can actually wrestle. We've had two matches involving non-wrestlers already, though, so why not one more?

Special ref is Torrie Wilson. In a ref-print bikini, just in case this was some sort of empowerment of women or something. Asya drags her around by the bikini string and challenges her. Actually when I look at it, Asya is shorter than Torrie! Torrie's rolled out of the ring, so I guess this is a ref bump. Out come Kidman and Eddie Guerrero to cover Torrie and take her away. Kimberly backpacks Asya then starts choking her. Out comes David Flair in a ref shirt to threaten Asya, but takes a sidewalk slam and elbow drop to the cock. Asya shittily boot-chokes David and tries to use the crowbar but David escapes and suplexes her. In comes SHANE DOUGLAS to take the crowbar shot. Malenko and Saturn come out to tend to Douglas and Asya.

No bell rang, and yet they found room for a special ref and SIX non-participants to stick their oar in. Vince Russo.

 

[Storm Trooper]

Entry #573
Kimberly Page vs. Asya
WCW Monday Nitro - November 15, 1999​

God, remember Asya? She was Bigger Than Chyna. Yes, that was her entire reason for existing. This is certainly interesting, in that I don't think these two can actually wrestle. We've had two matches involving non-wrestlers already, though, so why not one more?

Special ref is Torrie Wilson. In a ref-print bikini, just in case this was some sort of empowerment of women or something. Asya drags her around by the bikini string and challenges her. Actually when I look at it, Asya is shorter than Torrie! Torrie's rolled out of the ring, so I guess this is a ref bump. Out come Kidman and Eddie Guerrero to cover Torrie and take her away. Kimberly backpacks Asya then starts choking her. Out comes David Flair in a ref shirt to threaten Asya, but takes a sidewalk slam and elbow drop to the cock. Asya shittily boot-chokes David and tries to use the crowbar but David escapes and suplexes her. In comes SHANE DOUGLAS to take the crowbar shot. Malenko and Saturn come out to tend to Douglas and Asya.

No bell rang, and yet they found room for a special ref and SIX non-participants to stick their oar in. Vince Russo.

That line about 6 non-participants sticking their oar in... Not sure for certain but as far as I know only one of them did that, but with the ref not the combatants. Billy Kidman was a lucky man.