Entry #437
Dustin Rhodes/King Kong vs. The Equalizer/Awesome Kong
Lethal Lottery Match
WCW BattleBowl - November 20, 1993
I could be satisfied and say that's enough bad match for the day, but I'm on a tight schedule here! So let's take a look at mother fucking BattleBowl! One of WCW's silliest recurring ideas, it paired the "Lethal Lottery" of randomly-assigned tag teams with a two-ring battle royal. After it stank up Starrcade a couple of years in a row, WCW decided to quarantine it to its own show, and it did about as well as you'd expect. An estimated 55000 buys is a value that wouldn't even be matched until Mayhem 2000. That's right, even Russo WCW drew more than this show. And what do you expect, given a card full of TBD vs. TBD? Three matches went sub-zero here, including this one, a match involving Dave Sullivan and famously shit WCW team the Colossal Kongs that got minus three stars. Does it earn them? I bet it does!
Poor Dustin Rhodes. We start with an exchange of wristlocks between the non-Kong wrestlers. Equalizer gets a bit of momentum and starts throwing clotheslines (less like his idol Hogan, more like Warrior) until Dustin shuts him down with a drop toe hold and armdrag. Equalizer swings forearms about and responds to a back body drop attempt by kicking Dustin in the chops. Awesome Kong in now, who stumbles about. Dustin goes for the eyes and rolls him up for two. Awesome rakes the eyes for two and waddles about doing standard shitty big guy offence. I hear this guy taught Mabel everything he knows. Dustin tags in King Kong, and the crowd briefly pops for the idea of two fat fucks facing off, but he doesn't want to and tags Dustin in again. Bullshit!
Awesome's tactics involve truly awful brawling, and Equalizer isn't much better. Dustin gets a wristlock and FINALLY tags in King Kong, and it genuinely sounds like this match is taking place in an anechoic chamber for how quiet it is. This is all just brawling that doesn't even land. Equalizer can't even run the ropes right. He gets a boot up for a King corner charge, hits a shit shoulderblock but misses a legdrop. Hot tags to Dustin and Awesome Kong, and Dustin gets a Bionic Elbow for two. He somehow manages to sunset flip a lager man. Equalizer breaks it up, the match breaks down, and the Kongs sandwich Equalizer. Dustin bulldogs Awesome and finishes it. Jesse Ventura misidentifies Awesome as King during the replays, implying in the process that Dustin pinned his own partner. He might as well have. Not like you can tell. I don't care. It's over.
Poor Dustin Rhodes. Had to deal with these useless fuckers.
