Reach for the (Minus) Stars: Sky's Collection of Bad Matches

[Sky]

Entry #393
Vampiro vs. The KISS Demon
Graveyard Match
WCW Bash at the Beach - July 9, 2000​

After three matches we won't cover - one refreshingly acceptable affair between KroniK and Palumbo/Stasiak, and two matches that are good but with shitty Russo finishes - we get to the rotting, infected meat of this show. An on-location cinematic match, in 2000! What could go right? Especially since it's between Vampiro and the KISS Demon.

Predictably, it's dark. The Demon arrives with Asya and a ref, whom he orders to take care of a valet who can take care of herself. Asya opens a coffin expecting to see Vampiro, but gets nothing. Vampiro ultimately jumps out of a tree. Demon dodges it and is now winning the brawl. I think. I can barely see. No idea how Schiavone can see. Vampiro has already sweated half his face paint off, and slaps on a headlock. Asya kicks him in the lower back. Vampiro is in an open grave, but uses a foreign object and drags Demon in. Vampiro now goes to attack Asya, and drags her out. They keep calling the Demon by his shoot name Dale Torborg. I now longer feel positively about anything Russo does.

Demon's crawling out of the grave. He's following the direction Vampiro went. He finds Asya, who's looking traumatised. Vampiro uses the distraction to drag Demon into the river. They brawl a bit in the water, then Vampiro leaves him to drown. "This is really getting on my nerves" -Vampiro on this match the Demon. Ref Charles Robinson helps drag Demon to shore. They're going through stone gates, finding Asya again, this time knocked out near the coffin from earlier. Vampiro pops out (see, they had a plan for that all along), mists him, and asks if he's ready to live or die. Demon isn't joining Vampiro, so he gets a cinderblock to the face and dragged into the coffin. Vampiro rolls the coffin into the grave and tosses a torch in to set it alight.

This match ends when the wrestler gets to the ring, so... technically it isn't over. Though I wouldn't bet on Demon given that he's being cremated alive.

Spoiler: Do not read until entry 395

So, after all that, Vampiro comes back to the ring and is declared the winner. Then Sting turns out to be alive, through the medium of eight fake Stings carrying a coffin and a ninth one coming out and hitting him with a bat. So that storyline continues. Fuck it. This match is like the Wyatt Swamp Fight but worse. More impossible to see what's going on and more impossible to care.

 

[Sky]

Entry #394
The Franchise vs. Buff Bagwell
WCW Bash at the Beach - July 9, 2000​

Wow, I just looked it up and the Demon and Asya were shoot engaged and went on to be married legit. That's nice. Shows how much I care about this Shane Douglas vs. Buff Bagwell match, though. No idea why this is even happening, and Scott Hudson's explanation isn't helping.

Bagwell tries to start a "Franchise sucks" chant, and Douglas is angry at this. This is the sort of basic stuff that Russo wants to dismiss, but actually gets over. After a staredown, Bagwell comes in with rights and a dropkick. Douglas rolls out, and we're already into the Brawling On The Outside stage. Supposed babyface Bagwell uses an eye rake. Douglas kicks Buff in his Stuff. He exposes the concrete to attempt a piledriver, but Bagwell back body drops him off. Back in the ring... wait, no, they're going to the outside again. And BOTO continues. Douglas crotches Bagwell on the ring post. He goes for a chair, Bagwell steals it from him, but Douglas punches the chair into Bagwell's face.

Douglas is now working the neck that Bagwell had previously injured. At least he doesn't go for one of those lame Fiend/Kon neck snaps. Out comes Torrie Wilson, who slaps Douglas and allows Bagwell to get a roll-up. Bagwell's starting to get his big comeback on Douglas. Torrie is on the apron and Bagwell gets distracted. They go in for a kiss but Torrie kicks him in the nuts for a pointless swerve! Pittsburgh Plunge only gets... two? Could have sworn that would be the finish. Double-arm DDT by Bagwell gets two, he's setting up for the Blockbuster. Torrie grabs the leg but Bagwell shoves her off. This lets Douglas get the Franchiser (which is apparently brand new) for the win.

Very nothing match with a dumb swerve that wasn't even the finish.

 

[Sky]

Entry #395
Jeff Jarrett (c) vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan
for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship
WCW Bash at the Beach - July 9, 2000​

Unusually, we get a World Title match in the middle of the fucking show. Although, it's lucky that it wasn't the main event considering what happens in it. Jarrett vs. Hogan. You know this one. Let's get into it.

Champ out first... oh wait, no, Jarrett isn't here. Instead, after a good minute, it's Vince Russo with a bat. Only after that does Jarrett enter. Hogan's faceing it up. Jarrett heads back to the stage so Hogan grabs a mic and taunts him. He takes his sweet fuckin' time making his way back into the ring... and Jarrett just lies down! Apparently Russo put him up to this. Hogan just looks in disbelief, as Russo tosses Big Gold at him. Madden talks about not following the script. "Russo sucks" chants as Russo walks off. Hogan lets everyone know this is why the company's in the damn shape it's in, because of bullshit like this, and pins Jarrett, who just walks off.

(Fun fact, by the way, during Vampiro's return, we get a view of Hogan leaving WCW for the last time. Also, NOW you can read that spoiler back in entry 393.)

After Goldberg does an interview for what will be entry 396, Russo comes out again. He trashes the WCW backstage politics, talks up guys like MIA and Booker T (who had been working with utter dogshit for the past year, except Van Hammer who was the dogshit), and says Jeff Jarrett is really cool. The Hogan title win is apparently nullified, and we're getting a new main event of Jeff Jarrett vs. Booker T for the belt. He then immediately destroys any way this shoot could have become a work by calling Hulk Hogan "bald". Hogan would never appear again and would sue WCW, No idea what to say, this was stupid, really damaging, and sadly inevitable.

 

[Sky]

Entry #396
Goldberg vs. Kevin Nash
for Scott Hall's Contract
WCW Bash at the Beach - July 9, 2000​

After that bewildering mess, we're supposed to care about wrestling still, apparently. At least long enough for the last two matches. Jarrett vs. Booker T in the main event turns out to be decent, actually. This doesn't. Let's endure it.

Nash takes his sweet time to get to the ring. He wants Scott Steiner to have his back but gets blown off. "How to Telegraph a Heel Turn", Lesson 1. Speaking of heel turns, they're still trying to make heel Goldberg a thing. He's put the contract near his dick because why not at this stage. Nash pores over the contract to make sure it is, in fact, a contract. I'd have killed for Madden to say something like "Hey, wait a minute, this expired in February!". Because that's the last time we saw Hall.

Big staredown, big lad lock-up. Goes into the corner, ref tries to separate them, but Goldberg initiates the brawling. Nash does soon get the advantage, with elbows to the neck. He goes for the high boot choke (that reminds me, I should watch more classic Gail Kim) before Goldberg dragonscrews him and gets a butterfly suplex for two. The "Bret Killer" mule kick also downs Nash but he responds with a chokeslam for another two-count. Steiner and Midajah are out already. Goldberg takes out the legs and puts on a headlock, while Steiner dangles the contract.

Nash gets a boot up for a corner charge and hits a sidewalk slam which gets two. Goldberg misses a cornered spear and hits his shoulder. Nash takes the straps down and preps the Jackknife... until Steiner, inevitably, turns on him. While Nash is dealing with Steiner, that opens up Goldberg for a spear and Jackhammer in about six minutes.

See, late-reign Roman Reigns? Now THAT is how you do a main event. All the same level of finisher spam and overbooking, just a quarter of the length. It's probably better than the Tribal Combat match just because it's short.

 

[Sky]

Entry #397
KroniK vs. The Harris Brothers
First Blood Chain Match
WCW Fall Brawl - September 17, 2000​

For our next step on the WCW train, we return to the scene of Fall Brawl 2000. Aside from the horror of Paul Orndorff injuring himself from giving a piledriver, there's five matches of note for this thread. And we start as we mean to go on... with fucking KroniK vs. the fucking Harris boys. I can't wait for Russo to go away. Don't worry: I'll be doing this, then Havoc 2000, then just start picking and choosing until the international Network dies.

Helpfully, for this match, the Harris boys are in different shirts so I could maybe try to tell them apart the first time a commentator says which is which. Brian Adams grabs a mic and makes this First Blood rather than just a regular chain match. Maybe he didn't want to eat a pin. Clark and Ron are Brawling On The Outside, and Ron wipes out David Penzer. Mega heel right there. Meanwhile in the ring it's Adams and Don. Adams does a top rope fist drop with the chain. They go to the outside too, Don continuing the very basic brawling. Now Ron and Clark are in the ring. Clark hits a back suplex (that classic blood-causing tactic). Team Don/Adams harasses the commentators. Now all four are on the outside, and into the crowd. Don chokes Adams with the chain (really going to make his head bleed there).

Everyone's back at ringside now, and they switch from standard walk-and-brawl to WCW-style classic BOTO. Ron is fucking WORKING CLARK'S LEG. While Don is CHOKING ADAMS. Why aren't they trying to make their opponents bleed? Why are they wasting so much time? Adams is out cold and yet Don still doesn't try to bust him open. We get a ref bump! In a hardcore match! Clark crotches Ron with the chain, and twin chain punches by KroniK send Ron to the outside to not-so-subtly blade. Ron produces a chained baseball bat, unchains himself, and nails Clark in the back. He takes down Adams too, and Don busts Adams open. Don wakes the ref so he sees Adams and not Ron first, so the Harris Nazis win.

So many questions. Are the inmates really running the asylum so much that KroniK can make a First Blood match happen at a minute's notice? Why were they wasting time with things like limbwork in a First Blood match? Why do you need a ref bump in every match, regardless of rules? Why does Vince Russo have such a kink for First Blood matches ending in screwy ways? There's really no answer for any of that.

 

[Sky]

Entry #398
Lance Storm (c) vs. General Hugh G. Rection
for the WCW United States Heavyweight Championship
WCW Fall Brawl - September 17, 2000​

Poor Lance Storm. Poor, poor Lance Storm. He's doing the work of his life but being given garbage. Stealing Major Gunns from the Misfits in Action, and now he's at odds with the chucklefuck himself, Hugh Morrus. This has Jim Duggan as special guest enforcer, by the way. As if I didn't hate this enough.

Gunns looks miserable, and weirdly, it's not because of what happened in her last PPV match. Probably because she has to wear the Canadian flag on her breasts. Duggan gets his own entrance. Storm is going for chops but Morrus is no-selling. Absolute domination by Morrus, tossing Storm about and going for rights. Some of which don't even completely miss! Storm tries to apply a crucifix hold but Morrus just drops off. He does the HOOOO before hitting a corner splash, but misses the second one. Now Storm can take control... wait, no, Morrus meets him on the top rope and suplexes him off for two.

Storm hits a mule kick to Morrus's nuts, and the ref forgets to be looking away when that happens. It doesn't keep Morrus down for long. Neither does a superkick, which gets two. Duggan keeps trying to start USA chants. Morrus goes to the outside and Storm hits a springboard plancha. Who says he's boring, huh? Storm goes to taunt Duggan but turns into a kick to the midsection from Morrus. Morrus hits a powerslam for two. Storm tries to crossbody a (slightly) larger man and takes a gutwrench powerbomb for another two. He then gets a dragonscrew leg whip, Canadian Maple Leaf teased... Morrus counters and hits a German suplex. Morrus is setting up No Laughing Matter... Duggan clocks Morrus with the 2x4! Canadian Maple Leaf for the KO win! Jim Duggan is Canadian for some reason! He's wiping out MIA! Why?

Not a bad match, but has one of the silliest swerves I've ever seen.

 

[Sky]

Entry #399
The Franchise/Torrie Wilson vs. Billy Kidman/Madusa
Pittsburgh Plunge Scaffold Match
WCW Fall Brawl - September 17, 2000​

Those watching in real time, after that match, got the awfulness of Orndorff's collapse. They also got this genuinely funny moment with Mean Gene losing his rag.



Next up is a scaffold match! Certainly can't be worse than a certain other scaffold match in WCW. Even if it does involve the interminable Billy Kidman/Shane Douglas feud. Let's "enjoy".

Observation: they've dubbed Shane Douglas' theme, but to something that's obviously based on it. So it's a ripoff of a ripoff of "Perfect Strangers". Shane picks up a mic and hypes up the scaffold. Before referencing Orndorff's real-life crippling injury just minutes earlier. Ugh. Apparently the win condition for this one is to toss both opponents off and climb down on the other side. At least it's not Capture the Flag. And at least the scaffold is wider than usual. They raise it. Slowly. Shane is afraid of heights and wants it put down. Same with Torrie. They are granted no such mercy,

Let the brawling begin. Kidman back body drops Shane while Madusa gives Torrie a hair-mare. Shane goes for a throat thrust then challenges Madusa, who kicks him down. Shane's got one leg dangling over the scaffold but he survives. He catches Madusa's leg, ducks an enzuigiri, and locks her in an STF until Kidman breaks it up. Torrie tries to scramble for the ladder on Kidman's side, Kidman tries to stop her but Shane powerslams him. Kidman hits a back body drop. Madusa is going for the ladder, Kidman hits a sitout powerbomb. Madusa's leg is stuck in the ladder. Franchiser takes Kidman out and now Madusa is at Shane's mercy. "Given a choice, she usually goes down" FUCK OFF MADDEN. JUST FUCK OFF.

Shane tries to kick Madusa off the ladder, gets a shot to his nuts, and then successfully takes her down. She lands on an unconcealed crash mat. Okay. Now Torrie's back in, and it's 2-on-1. Torrie gets a shot to Kidman's nuts then Shane tosses him off, to land on a Convenient Collapsible WCW Stage. This lets Shane and Torrie climb down unimpeded for the win.

Well, that was fucking lame, wasn't it? The entire point of the scaffold match is the danger, and then Madusa landed on a crash mat.

 

[Death By Looch]

Yea... Lance Storm was dealt a weird, weird hand during this time. Partly an unbelievable push for the type of talent he is, partly an absolute pile of typical WCW garbage.

And Duggan... oh boy. I do like Duggan, I always did, but man... just think that exactly one year earlier he royally fucked Alex Wright over during Fall Brawl '99 and here he is, getting featured as the central point of kind of a big moment, if you think about it.

 

[Sky]

Entry #400
Sting vs. Vampiro vs. The Great Muta
WCW Fall Brawl - September 17, 2000​

Happy 400th! And fortunately, we're marking the 400th match with one of the last few Cagematch bottom 50 matches still to be reviewed. Unfortunately, it's part of the Sting/Vampiro feud. Here we go.

Vampiro comes out with ICP, because that's where we are. Fucking juggalo Vampiro. ICP is on commentary to talk about JCW. I wish the universe had a mute button. Vampiro attacks Sting mid-entrance, walk-and-brawls him (with Muta occasionally chiming in) and bulldogs him on a chair. ICP argue over what that move is called. Mark Madden is bonding with them. Kill me. They go into the crowd where Sting gets beaten up. ICP and Madden ramble about premature mist ejection. Vampiro smashes Sting's face into the table and Muta tosses a chair at him. Sting starts to fight back until Vampiro gets a clothesline. One of ICP tosses Vampiro a kendo stick, which he briefly uses.

Vampiro tells Muta to stay back and not bother working while he beats up Sting. Muta does come in for a bit, and I like the way he moves. Sting hits the weakest clothesline you'll see this show, but misses a Stinger Splash on Muta and eats a top rope clothesline from Vampiro. Muta hits the Muta elbow. Vampiro shoves him away to take Sting alone. Muta hits a moonsault for two but Vampiro breaks up the pin. The alliance between the Dark Carnival members is now dead, as they attack each other! ICP tries to pull them apart, which lets Sting come in with bat shots for everyone! One Scorpion Death Drop later, and Muta is pinned.

Really really weird, and really really shit.

 

[Sky]

Entry #401
Jeff Jarrett vs. Mike Awesome
Bunkhouse Brawl
WCW Fall Brawl - September 17, 2000​

We finish off our look at Fall Brawl 2000 with this oddity. A really divisive match, a brawl between Jeff Jarrett and the fuckin' 70's Guy. With Gary Coleman (even though Diff'rent Strokes was the 1980's).

Jeff Jarrett comes out in the shirt of Rival NFL Team to piss off the members of Local NFL Team in attendance. He references handegg in his promo, where otherwise he insists he is Going To Win The Upcoming Match. Awesome brings a table. Jarrett whips him into a wheelbarrow of plunder bit Awesome takes the edge again, whipping him repeatedly into the guardrail where the Buffalo Bills are. He drags Jarrett around with a bullrope until Jarrett takes the edge and starts using a leather belt. Finally we enter the ring and Jarrett breaks a (plastic) broomstick over Awesome's back. Awesome uses a branding iron and beats on Jarrett before taking it outside again. Chairs clash until Awesome wins the duel.

Awesome sets Jarrett on a table and goes up top, but Jarrett recovers and challenges him directly. Awesome Bomb teased from the top rope, but Jarrett back body drops Awesome through the table. Jarrett puts the barbed wire back on the front of the barbed wire table (who set this thing up??). Jarrett tries to whip Awesome into it but gets reversed and eats barbed wire twice. Sort of. The barbed wire is mostly on the back. Awesome Bomb for two. Awesome tries a frog splash but Jarrett rolls away.

Jarrett antagonises the Bills a bit... and they start to jump the barricade! They're surrounding the ring, they shove Jarrett, and one of them facebusts him on the ropes. Another Awesome Bomb, and Jarrett kicks out AGAIN! Awesome tries a crucifix powerbomb but Jarrett slips off and kicks Awesome in the nuts. Jarrett starts antagonising the Bills again. Gary Coleman comes in and hits Jarrett in the nuts again and again! Jarrett hits him with the guitar, and he's about to give Awesome the Stroke... but Sting comes out to hit a Scorpion Death Drop on Jarrett! Awesome wins after some of the most ridiculous interference I've ever seen.

I mean, really. Did you need to protect Jeff Jarrett THAT much? The entire Buffalo Bills, several nut shots, and then he can't even be put away until Sting shows up? Fuck.

 

[Sky]

Entry #402
Konnan/Tygress vs. The Franchise/Torrie Wilson
WCW Halloween Havoc - October 29, 2000​

I definitely don't enjoy the Generic WCW Style, even for a bad match thread, but I am intensely aware that I'm on a strict time limit. Soon enough all of the WWE archive just vanishes, forever. So, review Havoc 2000 I must. This starts out very strong by WCW 2000 standards, and that's even including a Hardcore Title match featuring the Wall! But then the shit begins, and continues without respite until the World Title match. And then there's a bonus match after that! In overall, that's seven match-shaped turds that WCW shat out upon the collective carpet of wrestling. And we start as we mean to go on. With Shane Douglas! He's becoming a thread favourite.

Torrie Wilson is in a Wonder Woman getup, and that's a positive start. Mark Madden immediately ruins it by referencing masturbation. Shane grabs a mic and is vaguely racist. Konnan was apparently injured by an attack by the Natural Born Thrillers earlier in the night, so Tygress has got to do this alone in a handicap match.

Tygress starts by trying for a low blow, but Shane catches it so Torrie can toss her down. And then he immediately positions himself so he can get low-blowed anyway. After all, what's he got to lose? That thing can't get erect to start with. Tygress does the worst, most embarrassing armdrag I've ever seen, followed by some awful kicks. She motions for the Bronco Buster but gets beaten down by Shane and Torrie. They set up a double Franchiser... but here comes Konnan! He's injured, though, with a bad back, which he sells... for about five seconds. He can run the ropes and do his rolling lariat just fine now!

Brawling On The Outside time! Schiavone calls the guardrail the "Rail of Pain", as over the past year it's become a bigger star than half the wrestlers. Stevie Ray on commentary notices no one's tagged anyone yet. Shane gamely sells Tygress' wristlock a few times. Torrie tries to come in and save Shane but gets tossed out. Tygress continues to do her only move (that wristlock) as Madden references Joyce Grable. Shane punches Tygress in the face and acts like he's been kicked in the dick again. Torrie seems to be going for the handspring back elbow but Tygress gets the boot up. Stuff Buster by Tygress for two.

Stevie Ray calls a camel clutch a Boston crab. Shane's crossface chickenwing on Tygress actually looks decently nasty. She does the Dink slip-through-the-legs spot and tags in to Konnan, who isn't really selling his back until he hits a DDT. Torrie breaks up the pin which leads to a CATFIGHT! Tygress sets up the Bronco Buster but Torrie drags referee Charles Robinson in front of him. Meanwhile, Shane hits Konnan off the ropes which lets Torrie hit a Franchiser of her own, in a pin which Tygress has to break up. Out of pretty much nowhere, Konnan and Tygress hit a double Stuff Buster on Shane for the three.

When 2000 Shane Douglas is the highlight, it's a serious problem. Tygress was truly awful, Torrie wasn't much better, and Konnan was allegedly injured but only sold it for a few seconds.

 

[Sky]

Entry #403
David Flair vs. Buff Bagwell
DNA First Blood Match
WCW Halloween Havoc - October 29, 2000​

Next up we have... oh FUCK no. Two of my least favourite wrestlers. In a very stupid storyline involving the paternity of a pregnancy that even in kayfabe was fake. And it will be decided by a First Blood match.

They notably only call it a "DNA Match", making it ambiguous what bit of DNA will be involved. Mark Madden immediately goes where I was about to go by suggesting cum. Bagwell grabs a mic and promos on David's tiny penis. David is out, DNA test kit in hand. He immediately proves he's off the pace. And that's the pace of BUFF BAGWELL. The first couple of minutes or so is David getting tossed around like an idiot while Bagwell taunts and poses. David tries to sunset flip an actual wrestler, does his dad's turnbuckle bump, and then tries and fails to go to the top rope. That's it. It's really nondescript otherwise. He even does a Flair Flop. Madden calls it as "doing all his father's spots". Every time Madden does an insider reference death loses a little of its sting.

Bagwell Weekend-at-Bernies David to do his own poses, until David hits an elbow to the gut. Time for Brawling On The Outside. David exposes the concrete and goes for a piledriver but gets back body dropped. The ref starts a count! How does a First Blood match end with a double down?! David swings a chair but finds only the ring post. Bagwell crotches him on the ropes, and gets a chair shot, before posing so David can conspicuously blade. Ref doesn't notice until David comes back in the ring and hits a Blockbuster. Bagwell's Totally Buffed teammate comes out to celebrate... and betrays him, handing David Flair the win! For no reason at all! Bagwell gets a ring full of post and David gets to test some DNA after all.

So, an utterly charmless match, without any highlights, and then the finish is botched, and the result straight up doesn't matter? Fuck that.

 

[Sky]

Entry #404
Ernest "The Cat" Miller vs. Mike Sanders
Kickboxing Match for the WCW Commissionership
WCW Halloween Havoc - October 29, 2000​

And now... the last remaining Flop 50 match in WCW. And naturally, it's a worked shootfight. For a role that's been shown to straight up not matter. Fitting that it would be decided among two shitty wrestlers, in that case.

Oh yeah, Sanders is also Cruiserweight Champ around this time, thanks to Kevin Nash. He continues the streak of wrestlers cutting an in-ring promo pre-match, getting cheap heat. Cat fires back, and he's Going To Win The Upcoming Match. Three rounds of two minutes each.

Round 1 begins, and after a long staredown, Sanders tries to engage and gets destroyed right away. He's down for a count of eight, but gets up to get destroyed by Cat again. He gets his leg swept and takes a nine-count to recover before the first round ends.

Round 2 now, and Sanders isn't getting a bit of offence still. Cat even has time to swing a kick at Shawn Stasiak at ringside. Cat sweeps the leg and Sanders is down for nine again. Cat catches Sanders' kick and does his overly stylish split-leg uppercut for another down. Sanders survives on nine, though I feel there was a bigger gap after nine than there was after eight. Felt poorly timed. Palumbo wants to throw in the towel but Stasiak stops him. They're now arguing during the break. Also, Shane Douglas comes out to watch.

Final round. Cat is hammering away at Sanders again but the ref is distracted by the Thrillers. A cartwheel kick downs Sanders. Shane encourages him to get back up but Sanders is getting murdered. Palumbo distracts the ref so Shane can get in a punch with the chain. The ref STOPS THE FUCKING COUNT when Cat gets an arm up, when he isn't even on his feet. Round 3 ends... but I guess this is still just going. Cat decks Sanders again then goes out to challenge Shane Douglas. The ref COUNTS CAT OUT. Despite there not being a round at the moment and the match being over. Sanders is commissioner, despite being murdered throughout.

I mean, what is there to say? There is nothing about this that isn't fucking stupid. A match that could hit my bottom 20 if everything above it weren't so mind-blowingly bad.

 

[Death By Looch]

You might say this match isn't quite above average.

Haha.

 

[Sky]

Entry #405
Mike Awesome vs. Vampiro
WCW Halloween Havoc - October 29, 2000​

And now we get to what seems to be a relatively normal match. That 70's Guy, who admittedly looks best with 70's hair, faces off against the questionably-facepainted loser Vampiro. At least Vampiro's using his best theme.



Vampiro continues the pre-match promo streak (why him? Why?) by encouraging Awesome to put his title shot tomorrow on the line. And so begins the brawl. And now starts the problem. Vampiro could not give less of a shit. Everything he does seems half-assed, and he's either half-selling or no-selling Awesome. He rests on the outside until Awesome goes for a dive to break the monotony. Brawling On The Outside time, and they soon go into the crowd. They walk-and-brawl up the stairs, and Vampiro's mistreating Awesome agaunst a rail. Of course when Awesome gets offence, Vampiro no-sells and grabs a microphone stand and stuff from the crowd to hit Awesome with. A fan tries to join in but is quickly subdued.

Back at ringside now and Vampiro hits a clothesline off the announce table. Stevie Ray almost jumps Vampiro for stepping on his equipment. Vampiro idly tosses a pair of chairs into the ring. Chair fight! Awesome finds himself de-chaired, but after a quick sequence with Vampiro... well, nothing changes, Vampiro remains the only one with the chair, and he does a chair-toss kick. He hits chops, Awesome brawls back (but is no-sold), and then Vampiro gets a foot up and clotheslines Awesome down. Awesome goes up top but Vampiro stops him with a gentle tap on the head, followed by a belly-to-belly suplex that he doesn't even bother going that high for. Or indeed holding Awesome, as the guy just flies to the other side of the ring. It gets two.

Vampiro goes up top for a Thesz press that looks badly timed - maybe it was intended as a move to be countered into the Awesome Bomb? Whatever it is, it's horribly clunky. Speaking of clunky, I just noticed there's ads for WCW Backstage Assault on the mat. Awesome fishes out a table. Vampiro goes for an eye rake and hits the Nail in the Coffin, but foregoes a pin in order to try and find something under the ring. He fails to find it. Now it's time for Awesome to fight back, and for Vampiro to not sell a lariat. Awesome Bomb on the outside for two... I guess this is Falls Count Anywhere now? This wasn't announced as a hardcore match, but it is apparently. Awesome goes up top, Vampiro seemingly tries to follow for a superplex, but this lets Awesome get an Awesome Bomb for the win! With Vampiro sandbagging him all the way.

Boring. Vampiro didn't care, so why should I?