Entry #185
Vampiro/Jack Evans/Aramis vs. Pagano/Bestia 666/Mecha Wolf 450
AAA TripleMania XXXI Tijuana - July 15, 2023
It's the final two, baby. Two more nominees for Worst Match of 2023, and we get this affair from AAA. Lucha old man matches are either good or really, really sad. This one features Vampiro, at an age where he really should not be wrestling. I'm ready for sadness!
The entrances in this one are weird. Bestia and Mecha Wolf come out with some self-performed metal (and their NWA Tag Team Titles), then Aramis and Evans, then Vampiro, and finally Pagano separately from his team. The main story is that Vampiro and Pagano are Not Friends Anymore because Pagano is bros with La Rebelion. They get in each other's face again and again during the pre-match.
We start out with Evans vs. Mecha Wolf. Evans gets an advantage early, hits a springboard enzuigiri, does a dive fakeout, then tags to Aramis. Bestia shoves Aramis over but Aramis does a sort of reverse kip-up. This is a good sequence, Aramis doing a lot of the kicking. He dodges all around the ring post, gets Bestia out... then does a dive fakeout of his own! Aramis is so cool. This makes me want to see more of him, which is not what a Bad Match Thread match should do. This is worrying me.
Pagano now, and he wants Vampiro! Vampiro wanders around like the old man he is, until Pagano grabs his shirt. I don't know what looks more unconvincing: Vampiro's brawling or his selling. There's a really weird collision that I think was meant to be a Vampiro takedown facebuster but Vampiro just stumbles. Pagano's trying a suplex, but Vampiro tosses him out. Vampiro also leaves, but the camera's more interested in him than in an Aramis dive on Pagano, because it completely misses that!
La Rebelion double-team Evans before starting to attack Vampiro, who hasn't yet managed to leave the ring. He's a 56-year-old Alzheimers patient, of course he'd not make it out of the ring in the space of a minute. Mecha Wolf does a dive while Bestia goes for a corner choke (but on camera it just looks like Vampiro's hugging his leg). Now Pagano's attacking, and commentary calls him "wrestling's answer to Doyle from the Misfits". I would have thought that would be the actual Doyle from the Misfits, given that weird Misfits in WCW run. I have to watch that too, fuck. Also, Estrellita interferes with a hip attack. No DQ called.
Pagano hits a leg drop, and Aramis makes the mistake of going for the save while it's 3-on-1, and gets attacked too. Ref holds back Estrellita for like 2 seconds and then lets her keep interfering. Time for a beatdown of Aramis, but at least he can (1) get in position in a timely manner and (2) sell. Same goes for Evans, with him actually having to sell for Estrellita rubbing her ass in his face, ending in a Rebelion double knee and a two-count. Aramis jumps back in but gets fucked right up too. All sense of structure has been abandoned.
Finally, Mecha Wolf splashes Estrellita by mistake. Time for the Aramis comeback. Poison Rana to Mecha Wolf! Bestia hits Pagano by mistake! Aramis kicks Bestia. Then Jack Evans does a springboard move that the camera misses. At least it doesn't miss his Asai moonsault. Oh fuck, Vampiro's back, and he can now pathetically brawl with Pagano. He does a spin kick but collapses. He goes for the pin but Mecha Wolf comes in and punts him in the face (reminder: dementia patient). Evans/Aramis vs. Rebelion brawl. Sick little tag move sees Evans moonsault off Bestia while Aramis has him in a fireman's carry, then Aramis drives Bestia down. Double pin, only a two-count.
Pagano/Evans, and now we have a semblance of normality... until Estrellita and Bestia drag Evans crotch-first into the post. Side slam backbreaker from Pagano to Aramis, but he really stalls it out. In the background Vampiro is fighting Bestia. This isn't even lucha tag rules, it's just anyone fighting whomever they want. Mecha Wolf hits a big lariat to Evans, then La Rebelion hit a double buckle bomb and a 3K (flapjack/flatliner). Aramis breaks up the pin. But then he eats a powerbomb/backstabber combo!
The beatdown continues until... Arez and Komander, the current AAA Tag Team Champions, show up? Why didn't they have a match? Who knows? "This match has come to a standstill", says the commentator, saving me time on thinking something original. Vampiro's just standing on the apron, no idea where or who he is. Arez and Komander hit dives that the camera misses. Pagano and Vampiro now... I don't know if Vampiro's selling a bad shoulder, or he has a shoot bad shoulder, or if he's just so mentally fucked up that he's moving funny. These two are allegedly brawling.
Suddenly, the SECOND run-in of this match, as Black Taurus comes out, with another man in a hood! They come out to attack both Pagano and Vampiro. The man in the mask reveals himself to be Texano Jr., making his AAA return. Estrellita slaps Texano so she eats a powerbomb. The two of them both beat up Evans and Aramis. Ref has no idea what's going on. Neither do I. Texano's here to reunite Los Mercenarios. No sign of an actual finish to this match, by the way. The referee's fucked off. All sense has fucked off.
I hate that there were such flashes of fun tag-team wrestling here. If we'd had La Rebelion vs. Evans and Aramis as a 2v2, we'd have gotten some good stuff, but of course Vampiro had to dodder around for a while before the random interference spots that are treated as somehow being completely normal. Where's the structure?
But it's better than what's coming up... I'm not sure if I'm ready.
) and I remember it sucking. But how does it hold up to the rest of the suckage? It's a worked MMA fight, so I imagine pretty well!
Gable fights back, hits a series of belly-to-belly suplexes, and clotheslines Corbin out. He then brings Corbin back into the ring just to toss him out again. Corbin puts Gable back-first into the apron and they brawl some more, involving the announcers' table. It's a double count-out.
