Entry #187
Sal the Pal/Gaagz the Gymp/Dak Draper/Mims/Koa Laxamana vs. Judais/Max the Impaler/"Magic" Jake Dumas/Cody James/Alex Misery
Devil's Last Dance Ultimate Hardcore Team War
NWA Samhain - October 28, 2023
Okay, we need to get past that unpleasant experience. I don't want to think about it anymore. It wasn't the finish. But we still have unfinished business with the year 2023! NWA Samhain was voted by this site, unanimously, as worst show of the year, and is also a Gooker winner! It's due, in no small part, to the matches that took place on it. We're running a five-match gauntlet here, one chock-full of stipulations. And the first stipulation is in the first match! In a match hosted by the often-brilliant Father James Mitchell, it's a 10-person tag team hardcore match, where if the heels win, Sal and the gimp are spiritually bound to the wrestling equivalent of Satan. Let's see why people didn't like this show, shall we?
James Mitchell's up on the stage, with women in skimpy outfits and James Mitchell masks for some reason. One knocks over the set. There are no rules in this match. Let's hope that doesn't mean New York Rules. He forgets to announce Alex Misery. The babyfaces come out to a piano lullaby. There actually are rules, apparently. A team gauntlet with elimination by pinfall, submission, or top rope, but when one side is completely out, one more member gets a last chance.
Max vs. Dak at first. Max's first forearms leave a bit of space, but become a lot more snug when Dak responds. I don't want them to be the heel, almost. I care more about them than most people in this company. After both competitors bounce off the ropes again and again and fail to shoulderblock each other down, Max tries to toss Dak but he saves himself at the last minute. Dak then just tosses Max over, and absolutely fuck this match. Fuck it with a rusty cactus. You just eliminated the only one worth caring about.
CJ (Magic Jake's manager, not Cody James) comes out of nowhere to give Dak a top rope headscissors. Alex Misery is the heels' second entrant, with a headscissors of his own that doesn't even look scissored for most of it. Commentary tells me Alex Misery is the son of Gran Apolo from old NWA-TNA? News to me, but I think he's more over with me now that I know that. He's an agile dude, hitting a nice cornered knee. Dropkick by Misery for two. Commentary wonders if the rules of the actual match are legal. Misery goes for a quebrada but Dak catches him, deadlifts him into a gorilla press, and tosses him out. Two things I like: flippy doos and feats of strength. Now the heels are at a real disadvantage.
Now in is Cody James, who attacks Dak from behind but gets a kneeling facebreaker for his troubles. Dak takes off his belt and gives a good ol' country whipping. James then breaks a cane over Dak's back, then hits a Big Ending (worse than a regular cutter) to eliminate him. Koa comes in like a real house on fire, telegraphs the spear, but eats a chokeslam. Koa rolls under the top rope while James celebrates with CJ... but goes for a dive over the top rope, and eliminates himself! Boy, these heels are looking stupid early on. He doesn't even sell it as a strategic sacrifice, he just didn't know the rules. "You fucked up" chants. CJ kicks Koa in the nuts, then Koa's valet Kallies, comes in to fight with CJ. With actual wrestling moves. Koa and Magic Jake come out to break it up... but Jake kicks Koa in the same place! DDT, and Koa's out.
Mims comes in, Jake spits whisky in his eyes, then hits a spinning neckbreaker on to the flask. Jake pulls out a cigarette and has a drag, then threatens to jab the cig into Mims' face. Mims counters and burns Jake's tongue, then hits a Big Strong Slam to finish Jake. Judais has to fight 3-on-1 now... but Max is coming back in? They get clotheslined by Mims. And then Judais comes in. It was just a distraction, and yet they sell it as Max not understanding the rules. To be fair, Cody James didn't either. Judais does somewhat weak-looking brawling, a series of slams, then sets up a powerbomb... but Mims headbutts him in the cock, converts it to a jackknife pin, and Judais is out!
Team Heel gets to choose their last chance entrant now, and it's Max of course! They lariat Mims' soul out of his body, then goes for a spear but eats a butterfly suplex. Commentary points out that it's TV Champion vs. Women's TV Champion. Judais brings out Max's TJPW International Princess belt, Mims catches it but refuses to use it. This gets him lariat'd to death. Gaagz is tossing plunder in the ring. Max wipes out the faces with a garbage can but gets their leg taken out. Gaagz pulls out a keyboard (Digital Destruction Match real?) hits Max with it, then TYPES WITH IT. Such a fun stupid spot. There's an IRONING BOARD under the ring. Gaagz sets it up like a table, gets his tongue out, then hits Max with a kendo stick. Max recovers, tosses Gaagz into the board, and lariats him out.
Sal the Pal is in and gives Max the comedy run-around, then uses a headbutt and some dropkicks which are no-sold. Max goes for a dropkick of their own, which is, shall we say, like when Jerry Blackwell tried to do it. It hurts Sal's wrist, though, which is enough for a lariat, then another with a chain, to take out Sal. Gaagz comes in to mourn his fallen friend... which means he's volunteered himself! Does no one here understand the rules? Max hits a Wasteland and pins Gaagz, taking the match for the heels.
And later in this show, James Mitchell would take cocaine live on air, and the rest is "stupid wrestling idea" history.
Anyway, this match. It's quite hard to rate. There are a few fun spots, and some of these people grew on me when I saw them (Alex Misery, for example) but the structure of this match was all wrong. You don't have the faces dominate early and the heels make a brave 3-on-1 comeback. It felt like too many people looked stupid in this match, as well. Too many people not getting what the rules are meant to be.