Entry #98
Los Villanos (III, IV, V) vs. Los Psycho Circus
AAA TripleMania XXIII - August 9, 2015
Once again, we're watching a lucha match. Lucha matches tend to be not as terrible, but when they're bad... hoo boy. This one earned the dishonour of being Worst Match of the Year 2015. And it's an old man match, thanks to the Villanos all being on the wrong side of 50, the worst being Villano III who is 62. Luchadors tend to have long careers (it's something to do with the different way of bumping) but that means we get a few cases of old man matches. Is it really that bad? Let's find out!
Before the match, we get a tribute to Pepe Casas, who's also old as fuck, and is in his final year as a referee. Villanos III and V have already been unmasked at this point in time, but they've been allowed to put the masks back on for this special match apparently.
Pretty much off-camera, Monster Clown gets knocked on his ass by the Villanos. AAA production, you've gotta hate it. We kick off with Psycho Clown vs. I think Villano IV? Don't know which is which, their masks and gears are identical so I can only go off their physiques. I at least know Villano V is the spherical one. Lock-up that the ref breaks, then Psycho comes in with armdrags. Psycho chops IV to the mat, which leads III and V to come in and make the save (slowly and weakly). Structure quickly breaks down. Murder Clown gets tossed out, and all three Villanos unite to crash Monster into Psycho.
(It's now I notice that Psycho Clown is wearing a silver armband, because his father is Brazo de Plata, and this is a callback to the great Villanos/Brazos rivalry. Nice touch.)
The Villanos all go for an assisted mask rip spot (two of them holding Psycho down). Then they get him on the apron and slowly walk him to the ring post, which he sells as if the spot had been done properly. Then Monster comes in and tries to fight back, but is overpowered in the corner. They do a leg split spot before IV (I think) does a Jeff Hardy leg drop into Monster's balls. Monster's on the apron now too, and they do the same walk-to-the-ring-post thing. Now it's big Murder Clown, who has a relative hoss fight with V (if by "hoss fight" you mean "Villano V tossing punches that miss by miles"). They all stand around Murder before one decides to kick him to the outside. IV and V slowly battering-ram him so his head grazes the ring post.
Psycho and Monster back in now, and what ensues is slow-motion and structureless brawling. IV and V go off to run the ropes but Murder pulls them out so Psycho and Monster can do a double tope suicida. Murder is with Villano III alone in the ring, and gorilla press slams him. Sorry, that should be: he gorilla presses him, then gently lays him down. I get that he's a recent stroke victim and you have to be gentle with him, but maybe don't have him in a match? The clowns then team up to do a spot I'm pretty sure they did regularly, with Murder performing a falling splash with both his teammates on his back. However, gotta be gentle with III, so Murder just bridges his body over him and doesn't touch him while the others roll off.
In comes Villano V, who's moving slow as fucking molasses. The two larger clowns flapjack throw him and Psycho gives him a "wazzup" style headbutt. IV's back in, but he starts getting smashed about by the clowns too, culminating in an assisted Thesz press against the ropes from Murder. They then go for a mask rip on IV while the other two Villanos are just... sitting around, waiting. They're not even selling. They're just slumped over, watching and waiting. Psycho Clown goes for a kick on III and just walks over him. Murder accidentally attacks Monster, then picks up Villano III and gently lays him down again.
Murder goes high but IV and V stop him. Monster and Psycho both come in with metal baking trays (borrowed from under TNA rings), hit the Villanos with it (which they don't seem to notice), and do their best on a Tower of Doom. III pins Murder who gently pushes him off for two, and the other two clowns then roll up IV and V for two. IV and V attack Murder, make Psycho look stupid, and toss Monster out, before going for a double tope suicida of their own. Only problem is: they can't go faster than a brisk walk, and they both undershoot. IV (diving at Murder) pretty much eats concrete, while Monster at least does a better job of catching V.
III's about to grab a chair but Psycho stops him by hitting him with... a ribbon(???) and grabs the chair himself. He teases a chair shot but refuses out of respect. So, instead, they have a really weak slapfight. Psycho goes for a lariat and III just slowly falls backwards under him. Psycho hits a diving headbutt but lifts away from the pin at two. He calls IV in and the two start nudging each other with their fists. V tries to make the difference but the REFEREES HOLD HIM BACK?? What the hell are they doing? Why didn't they do that for any of the other multi-person spots? While the referee's distracted, IV gives Psycho a big fat kick in the Psycho Plums, and that's three. III and V are annoyed by this sudden rudeza on the big retirement match, but everyone celebrates in the end and the sons of Villano III join in the celebration of their father's last match. (He wrestles two matches after this.)
Very much an old man match, with the clowns having to be extra careful to not kill one of their opponents. The younger men weren't great, either. This is essentially a reminder that nothng lasts forever. That one day, we will all be old and broken and shadows of our former selves. Sobering.
