Random Thought/Joke of the Day

[Wang Chung]

My wife has been missing for a week and the police told me to prepare for the worst. So I went to goodwill and got all of her stuff back.

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[Swamps]

This guy once told me on a traffic stop, "I pay your salary ". My response, "Oh, so you're the cheap bastard I've been looking for".

 

[Kyle Gage]

"We're very much alike, you and I"

 

[Kyle Gage]

"The royal penis is clean, your Highness!"

 

[Wang Chung]

I ran out of toilet paper and began using old newspapers.

The Times are rough

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[Kyle Gage]

"Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listenin' to her enough, or somethin'. I don't know, I wasn't really payin' attention."

 

[Spider DKR]

There are 0.02 people named Spider for every 100,000 Americans.

 

[Kyle Gage]

"We get the warhead and we hold the world ransom for … one million dollars."

 

[Kyle Gage]

"You had me at ‘hello.’"

 

[Kyle Gage]

 

[Kyle Gage]

 

[Swamps]

I once asked my 400 LB friend what is the difference between him and an elephant . He says what? I say, "Not Much, fam. Not much"

 

[Kyle Gage]

"I'm in a glass case of emotion!"​

 

[Spider DKR]

 

[Kyle Gage]

“Excuse me while I whip this out.”