WWE Raw, Smackdown & PPV's 2003

[Crippler]

WWE No Mercy 2003
Baltimore

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE U.S. Champion: Eddie Guerrero
WWE Tag Team Champions: Los Guerrero’s
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri

Pretty Epic video package to open the show, just a shame I still give -99 fucks about the Father/Daughter match.

WWE Cruiserweight Championship: Rey Mysterio vs. Tajiri
Cole says Noble and Rey are buddies and say’s don’t be surprised if Noble gave him a call saying give him one for me wat! I can just picture it now, redneck Noble and Rey speaking Spanish on the phone Real good feeling out process to start, as Rey targets the knee with some great unique holds but Tajiri counters and works the arm. It’s just a shame neither man really sells, as they are two of the best at it. After some cool spots, Tajiri counters an Old School type of move and drops Rey arm/shoulder first onto the top rope. That allows him for the 2nd time to target the arm and bend it and better yet kick the living shit out of it. Rey’s comeback is great as usual but it just pisses me off that he just refuses to sell the arm and just dive all over the ring like the match just started. Cool spot sequence, with Tajiri goes to throw Rey to the floor but instead Rey counters with a 619 to the gut, but when he goes for the West Coast Pop, Tajiri catches him in mid-air for the powerbomb for two. Seconds later Tajiri elevates Rey overhead but Rey leaps to the top rope and connects with a moonsault for two. The match would end when Rey hits the 619 and as he hits the West Coast Pop and covers for the pin, two Japanese marks hop the rails causing the ref to stop the count allowing Tajiri to hit a sick kick and cover for the win. Damn good opener. **3/4 - ***

Backstage: Vince McMahon is interrupted by Josh Mathews, who asks him a stupid question, and Vince say tonight is personal business and he knows people are rooting against him and if anyone who interferes tonight will no longer be employed. Not just in the WWE but ever

A-Train vs. Chris Benoit
5 seconds into the match A-Train says Benoit ain’t shit and won’t do nottin’ that leads to some vicious strikes with Train using the power to keep throwing Benoit to the floor. Benoit would use the quickness to stick and move but Train gives no fucks and hits him harder. I love that this is just a back and forth fight, stiff shots and clubbing blows. Amazing bicycle kick leads to Train gaining the advantage who begins to viciously go after the neck. At one point he ties Benoit arms up and begins to clobber the shit out of the neck with short lariats. I love that Benoit just would quit any time Train would leave an opening Benoit would kick, punch or chop from off him back. That would piss Train off and Train would hit this fuckin’ amazing looking chest breaker that would lead to Benoit having a bloody nose and blood out the mouth Benoit’s selling was tremendous, as always, and that aided in making Train’s offense look even stronger. Train did a good job heading off Benoit’s comebacks but things almost got ugly when Train pressed Benoit over his head and then dropped him awkwardly on a chair. That further killed millions of brain cells, Benoit shakes it off and locks in the Crossface, but at soon as Train gets to his feet Benoit hits the triple Germans and the crowd is awake He heads up for the Headbutt but Train throws him to the mat and runs right through him. Double Chokebomb gets two but when he goes for a boot his foot collides with the steel chair allowing Benoit to lock in the Sharpshooter and Train is forced to tap this was fuckin’ awesome. ***1/4 - ***1/2

Backstage: Matt Hardy is looking for his piece of shit MF’er when he finds Heidenreich attempting to murder Shannon Moore when Matt Hardy breaks it up. Heidenreich says they were supposed to give his tryout tape to Stephanie. Matt says it was a mistake Little Johnny made when making it, because it was a tape of Shannon Moore's matches. Heidenreich lets go, and asks if it's true. Matt says it's true and they'll give the new GM a tape if he gives them one. He says he'll go talk to Little Johnny. UGH!

Zach Gowen vs. Matt Hardy (w/Shannon Moore)
Mattitude.com says, Matt cannot be grossed out, Matt has survived five car wrecks. Didn’t Gowen get thrown down a flight of 30 steps like 2 weeks ago. How is he still alive, let along limping his crippled ass down the ramp. Gowen no longer is taking insane bumps trying to get himself killed so he further shows his uselessness to life. Matt did what he could, and Zach would hit a moonsault for the win. *1/2

Backstage: Linda storms into Vince's locker room to try and talk him out of the match tonight. He refuses, but meets her halfway saying Stephanie can now also win by pinfall. So I guess it's not an I Quit match anymore?!?!?! Vince then makes it No DQ as well. SINCE WHEN DID I QUIT HAVE RULES?!?!?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME.? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The Basham Brothers vs. APA
NO! NO! NO! Why are you doing this to me? Bradshaw hot tag was the highlight until Ratchet Shaniqua returns with some cheap boobjob allowing the smurf twins to win. FUCK MY LIFE! FUCK THIS SHOW! EVERYTHING HAS GONE TO SHIT! Only 4 months until the debut of JBL still fuck this.

Backstage: Shaniqua and her far apart new tits tells the smurfs, the Clothesline from hell made her tits swollen and the doctor said it’s permanent HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I take it all back, greatest gimmick ever.

Taz’s Keys to Victory. Taker; Use his big punches, use his experience, and get the chain first & Brock; Use his mat skills, channel his anger well, and get the chain first.

NoDQ, I Quit Match that Stephanie can also win with a Pinfall, and no one is allowed to interfere or they will be fired. If Stephanie loses she will be removed as GM but if Vince loses he will no longer be Owner of the WWE Match: Vince McMahon (w/Sable) vs. Stephanie McMahon (w/Linda McMahon)
Steph has this awful sparkles pants top old woman attire that doesn’t show her cleavage, fuck this family. This was not as bad as expected, I mean it’s no classic, but holy shit that Steph comeback even had me going. I'm not going to lie. Vince beating up his own daughter in front of his wife is hilarious. Taz and Cole do a really good job selling, especially when the led pipe become a factor. Shit even the crowd byes into this. I think if it wasn’t for the wedding in 3 days Vince would have bladed worse than the Vengeance and Survivor Series match. Hell, Steph would have at last got a black eye for the good of the company. But instead we got a wrestling match The match would end with Steph was being choked out by a lead pipe, and Linda threw in the towel giving Vince the win. Post-Match: Vince throws down Linda in the ring, and he leaves with Sable. **

John Cena vs. Kurt Angle
Cena cuts a pre-match rap, as he calls himself a prostitute with herpes. He then implies Kurt has a small dick. He then says Kurt new tee should say I don’t suck, I swallow Both guys are really over, it’s 50/50 in terms of crowd support. This was such a vintage Kurt match. You can tell he pretty much laid the whole thing out. Started off with some mat wrestling in which Kurt as expected out classes him with his background and experience. I love that Cena realises that he could not win the wrestling so he baits Kurt into a fight, and that backfired on him hard. Cean would take over when he uses the quickness to dodges a shoulder block and Kurt goes right into the ring-post. Cena’s heat segment was gold, this young Cena was so good when he would just stick to working on one body part, trying to get himself over while learning from the vets. Kurt doesn’t sell shit during his comeback and the comeback was weak too, IDK if this is when the neck starts coming into play but he’s not the same. The match breaks down as Kurt tries to German off the apron, but Cena counters and DDT’s him on the apron instead. Cool, Cena uses this time to take a breather allowing Kurt to get back into the ring. Cena’s moves now target the neck, which kinda make all the arm work look like weak filler stuff. Kurt is no selling everything, jesus. Until I swear Cena goes fuck this and straight up knees and kicking Kurt in the head and before killing him with a bucklebomb. FU gets two, as I should point out Cena’s facial expressions are amazing. UGH! They kick out of each other's finishing moves as they hit it out of nowhere because why not. Cena tries to use the chain, but the ref catches him. But as he takes them away Cena had the medals and punches Kurt with them, that only gets two. Kurt counters the FU into a victory roll, before locking in the angle lock with the added leg lock and Cena is forced to tap. Even though Kurt barley worked the fuckin’ leg C’MON! Match was pretty bad, Kurt’s formula is terrible. **3/4

Jobbers Ravens are in the crowd after jobbing to the Bangles.

WWE U.S. Championship: The Big Show vs. Eddie Guerrero
Eddie’s back is a mess, it’s still red and you can see the cuts on the back still. The big gashes have plasters on them but i doubt those make a difference. Eddie wastes no time going right at Show. Show would quickly get the advantage doing the usual giant moves, chops, clubbing blows to the back and stepping on Eddie. Very uninspiring effort by Show, Eddie out smarts the ref as he throws a chair in the ring to distract him long enough for him to pull out a trash can lid to nail Show with it. Show gets pissed and murdered Eddie by throwing him back first into the ring post, the cut up back I might add which boy IDK how Eddie is even moving let along take a match with a 500lb man. Show pretty much beats the shit out him, so bad that some of the cuts on the back seem to have been opened up. The slow beatdown would end up killing off what had been a rabid crowd. Show’s heat had been dissipating since earlier in the year and as over as Eddie was getting, a long, sluggish beating by Show was not enough to keep the crowd involved. Eddie would try to cheat his way to win and I thought he was going to after using the belt and hitting a Frog Splash, but Show stayed alive. The finish was anticlimactic as Show would just hit a simple Chokeslam for the win. Post-Match: Chavo comes down to help Uncle Eddie, but Eddie is too upset. Chavo tries to calm him down by saying they’re still the tag champs. But Eddie is having none of it. RIP US Title. **1/2 - **3/4

Backstage: Show cuts promo saying, he’s a giant and nobody will be able to take this title away from him.

Biker Chain Match for the WWE Championship: The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar
Brock stalls early and does whatever he can do to not get punched by the best pure striker in wrestling history. Taker dominates, beating Brock in and around the ring until Taker takes that steel steps spot destroying his knee. Brock is so off here, he just wants to punch and kick. The whole match is I’ll do some shit, then we brawl. Then you do some shit then we brawl again. I did love the first time Taker goes for the chain the light go out and Taker jumps down just encase. Late in the match, Taker would hook the triangle choke but in a neat spot, Brock hoisted him up and dropped him with a stiff powerbomb. The crowd was a bit sedated early but they picked up after a top rope chokeslam then when the FBI interfered as Taker fought them all off. He hits Brock with the Last Ride, and gets the chain, but Vince McMahon comes from the crowd to crotch Taker up top. Brock gets the chain, wraps it around his hand, and nails Taker with it for the win. Oh boy did these two take the night off; this might be the worse Taker/Brock match ever. It went on far too long like 10 minutes too long. I looked up the time and they got 24 minutes, which in a match based on a steel fuckin’ chain is way too long. This was a utter mess, It was sloppy, boring and had no psychology whatsoever. Shit, they don’t even do their big bumps, strike exchanges that they did on that dark match on SD. This could pass as some shitty Cleveland house show. This was No Mercy 2002 *3/4

 

[Crippler]

WWE Raw 10/20/2003
Wilkes-Barre

WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rob Van Dam
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly

Video Package of Triple H putting the bounty on Goldberg’s head, along with the Shawn Michaels/Goldberg drama for their match tonight.

Stone Cold Steve Austin comes down to the ring and gets on the mic; He says he’s in such a good mood because when he went into his office he found a note “it says, stone cold. Me and you in the ring 9PM” Austin thinks this is some wanting to provoke him. Suddenly, Test and Stacy come out and Stacy is looking top 3 all time hawt tonight. I would eat the booty like groceries without hesitation. Test points out the obvious that he wrote the note; he says he would love to kick his ass but he can’t. Because of his foot, and seeing how it’s Austin’s fault he wants an apology for him and for Stacy. Austin flips them both off and says injuries happen, and Test needs to shut up and go home. Austin tells Stacy that he stunned her to teacher her a lesion, the lesion is when stone cold offers you a bear…..what do you do? Test doesn't allow her to speak, and then begins to talk shit asking if he would beat up a crippled man and Austin says he would. Austin begs him to provoke him again, and Test refuses. Stacy pushes Test into Austin, and he hits him with a Stunner Bischoff comes up on the titration; he says what just happened was really sad. Bischoff makes a challenge to Austin in a 5 team Survivor Series match, if Austin’s team wins the rule about him having had someone provoke him is gone but if Eric Bischoff’s teams wins Austin is out as GM. Bischoff says he already has 2 guys who want to be on his team, Jericho and Steiner are standing next to Bischoff. Austin says OH HELL YEAH! Austin goes to celebrate with beer when Stacy intercepts one and DRINKS IT thus proving beating a bitch up works.

Backstage: Shane McMahon is pacing back and forth.

WWE World Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz vs. La Resistance
The Dudleyz are dedicating this match to Hawk, brehz Sadly the Dudleyz are washed at this point and the French fucks are never was so this is shit. Heat Segment sucked, just boring mediocre stuff. Bubba’s hot tag was weak too, Dudleys win the match with the Doomsday device. Allergies. *

Backstage: Chris Jericho and Scott Steiner argue about who's in charge in their match against RVD & Lance tonight, until Eric tells them how important the match with RVD and Storm tonight is, and they need to get along to get rid of Austin. Not even 30 minutes in and there is dissension already

Backstage: Terri interviews Randy Orton and Ric Flair, Flair says this is bounty money and Orton is not allowed to play. Orton grantees’ the bounty will be collected tonight. Flair tells Hurricane to get ready. Booker suddenly appears, he says he’s back to make a statement when Orton returns and says he can make a statement by collecting the bounty. Booker says he's not the one of the two that has yet to win any title and yet walk around all cocky and says Orton's the one who has something to prove. Booker slaps him and says to go prove himself in the ring, against him, and Orton accepts

Booker T vs. Randy Orton
Back from the commercial and the match has already started, Orton connects with a clothesline before hitting his awesome side-backbreaker as he works the back. Booker makes his comeback off a weak rest hold. Booker would her a series of kicks before nailing the spin-a-rooni and Orton bails for the count out. Booker gets on the mic, and tells him he better run. Because Booker T is and back, and volunteers to be on Team Austin.

Shawn Michaels in his full Texas tribute attire comes down to the ring; it was the one he wore at the ’97 Rumble when he beat Sid. Goldberg comes out of the lockeroom, when he is blindside attacked by Mark Henry who throws him through a door knocking him out, Teddy Long says “It’s time to go and collect the money. MO’ MONEY!”

EMT’s are working over Goldberg, when Austin comes up to ask what happened, and Shawn gives him the run down. Shawn wants to know if the match is happening and Austin say’s he’s gonna throw the son of a bitch out the building.

Chris Jericho & Scott Steiner vs. Rob Van Dam & Lance Storm
Scotty and RVD start as they trash talk one another until RVD punches him in the face repeatedly. I was shocked that this wasn’t as sloppy as it should have been. RVD doesn’t sell anymore; it’s like the only thing that make him watchable at this point. It’s like all the use to bee greats had a meeting and was like fuck it. First RVD then Rey and now Kurt, Lance and Jericho get in now and after some terrible showboating but equally great counters Lance is murdered when Jericho shoves him off the apron and into the rails. Scotty then throws him into the steps and tells the fan to sit down. The heat on Lance was good, but it was too I’ll do some shit and you do some shit until we decide it’s time for RVD to get the hot tag. RVD gets the hot tag and cleans house. Steiner hits him in the back with a chair as he comes off of the ropes, and Jericho hits the Lionsault for the win. **

Backstage: Eric Bischoff checks on Goldberg, and they say he might not be able to wrestle. Bischoff asks if he's faking this to stay safe from the title match and bounty. Goldberg grabs him when hearing this, and says he'll fight tonight.

In the past 5 days we lost Stu and Hawk RIP! ​

Backstage: Ric Flair is on the phone with Teddy Long who is with Mark Henry, so I guess Austin got him ejected from the building. Flair says there's no money since Goldberg is still going to wrestle. He says he's got somebody who will collect tonight.

Backstage: Chris Jericho walks up to Trish, he says last week wasn’t a big deal, Trish says she knows he was only trying to prove a point to Austin last week but she still wants to say thank you, Jericho says last week wasn’t about Austin, he really respects her. They exchange looks, before awkwardly walking away to do other stuff.

Backstage: Orton is hanging out and Jindrak and Cade come in. They say they're here for the bounty, and Orton says all they have to do is take out Goldberg. They say that's not true, and deck Orton! They steal the briefcase and run out with it, and Orton chases after them Orton is looking and Flair comes up. He says to come for the match, and Orton says Flair has this on his own. Flair asks if he has the money, and Orton lies and says yeah, so Flair says he wants to show it to Shawn one more time before the main event, and he'll see him after the match. Orton takes a deep breath and keeps looking.

Trish Stratus & Lita vs. Molly Holly & Victoria (w/Steven Richards)
Yeah, not happening but wait after the match; Molly and Victoria attack Lita post-match too, targeting the neck and now Christian runs out to save. CLB MAKING CLB MOVES.

Ric Flair vs. Maven
Flair dances as he gets in the ring, taking off his robe, while doing this Maven attacks him. Flair bumps trying to make this kids offense watchable. It kinda works, this is such a vintage Flair match. Bump, bump, bump cheat throw in a chop before bumping like a mad man again. Flair would win this short match by pulling the tights. I swear Flair only offense was cheat moves I wish more wrestlers would do that.

Backstage: Orton tells Flair that Cade and Jindrak jumped him from behind and stole the money, and Flair says they'll get it. As police officers run past them, they surround Kane who has arrived.

Survivor Series is in 4 weeks, Dallas Texas

Kane is in the ring, and security is blocking the ramp. Kane tells Shane not to come out and just listen. He talks about what it was like to Tombstone Linda, and says Linda kept screaming, "no" as he looked in her eyes, all he saw was fear. Kane says he learned a long time ago that no means yes Inflicting pain turns him on, he lists all things Shane did to him and says nothing can stop him. But he’s willing to give him one last chance. He says there’s nothing we won’t do, or line he won’t cross to end Shane McMahon. Survivor Series will be the end for him, but the pain has just begun.

In the parking lot, Cade and Jindrak try to leave with the briefcase, but they're hit with a 2x4 by someone. He picks up the briefcase, and it's Triple H! He walks back into the building with the briefcase. GOD SAVES THE DAY!

Backstage: Flair and Orton freak out at them leaving with it. Triple H walks in, and Flair blames it all on Orton who apologizes over and over. Hunter reveals that he has it, and tells Orton not to lose the money again and hands it to him. He guarantees that someone will take the money tonight.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Shawn Michaels vs. Goldberg
Goldberg wins the power game early, so Shawn slaps him. Shawn throws some epic forearms which pissed me off. ‘Cause I’ve never seen him do them before. All he does is throw shitty chops and punches. DA FUCK! Anyway, Shawn begins to kick at Goldberg’s legs trying to chop the big man down. He tries a double axle handle but gets caught in a press slam before getting clotheslined to the floor. Goldberg powers him back in, but a boot to the guy leads to shitty chops. Shawn couple counter and shove Goldberg to the floor before shoving him backfirst into the steps and post twice. More epic forearms that get ruined by chops. Goldberg reveres a whip and does the kick onto the top rope. Shawn would hit the flying forearm and connect with the top rope elbow for two. Sweet chin music is blocked with a clothesline. Powerslam connects as Goldberg begins to show signs of the injured arm is worse than expected. Shawn ducks the spear and the ref gets killed, that allows Shawn to connect with the superkick. Shawn backs into a corner then out of nowhere BATISTA returns to pull him out, he slams his head into the steps before throwing him into the crowd. Batista then spinebusters Goldberg and hits the sit-down powerbomb. But wait he’s not done, he grabs the steel chair and Pillmanizes Goldberg's ankle, maybe breaking it. Evolution come out. Triple H hands him the briefcase, and Batista hugs them all. Batista is back in Evolution, and they pose to end Raw, EVOLUTION IS MYSTERY! **3/4

 

[Crippler]

WWE Smackdown 10/23/2003
Albany, New York

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE U.S. Champion: The Big Show
WWE Tag Team Champions: Los Guerrero’s
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri

That amazing video package from the opening of No Mercy airs, but now they add pictures and commentary sound bites of the match between Steph and Vince.

The show opens with Vince and Sable making their way down to the ring, UGH! Sable is covered up which is nice I guess. Vince gets on the mic, and begins to brag about beating “snot” out of his own daughter. He says he knows where he’s going; he knows he’s going to hell. But he’s not dead. He then further brags about shoving his wife after the match, before bragging about going all night long with Sable after EWWWWWWWW! He then mention that Steph is now unemployed and Brock is still the WWE CHAMPION! Vince begins to talk about all the shenanigans that happen in the title match, slowly giving away he was the mastermind behind the lights going out, the FBI showing up and then him finally shoving him off. Taker has the learn you don’t cross the boss, and you have to have sex with the boss that signs the checks lolwat. He then moves on to the next GM role, he then introduces the new GM a guy that tried to put him out of business and if you stay longer than 5 minute with him you want to strangle him…………….PAUL HEYMAN!!!!! He and Vince shakes hands. Heyman says things are gonna change around here, but Takers music hits and he slowly walks down to the ring as Vince hops the rails and bails Heyman says he knows Taker can kill him but he’s the only hope he has. Vince isn’t going to give him what he wants, but he will. He knows Taker wants revenge and tonight he will give him a chance. Tonight it will be The Undertaker vs. Brock Lesnar & The Big Show…………….But; Heyman then says if Taker wins he gets to name any match he wants. Any match at any time, whenever he wants. Taker grabs the mic and says he knows he’s not doing him any favours and the fact that he’s standing in this ring is like someone took a huge shit in his yard. Taker then says this plan will blow up in his face, and he will get his revenge. Taker then says nobody knows how sick and twisted he can be.

John Cena comes down to the ring and gets on the mic, he fake shows respect to Kurt before saying he would rather spit in his face. He knows people hate him because he’s better than them. He then says he only tapped because Kurt kept grabbing his nuts

John Cena & A-Train vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit
SIGH! This does not even go 3 minutes before the fucker happens; nothing impressive really happens. Benoit takes a chair from A-Train, and swings, but he moves and Kurt is hit. He gets up and shoves Benoit. They start fighting, and the ref calls for the bell. Fuck everything.

Backstage: Hass and Benjamin are talking about how good it is to have Benjamin back, and the big comeback in the matchup vs. the Guerrero’s for the tag team straps. Haas then mentions the resurfacing of the new GM Paul Heyman. Suddenly, Heyman shows up. He says as an agent, he put together the world's greatest tag team, and as a GM, he has the world's greatest liars. Nobody says anything out of awkwardness, and Paul says it's the same uncomfortable silence he heard on his telephone since March when Brock Lesnar took him out. He says in case they thought he was bitter, vindictive, or vengeful...HE IS! SO THEIR TAG TITLE SHOT HAS BEEN TAKEN FROM THEM AND GIVEN TO THE BASHAMS! GOD FUCKIN; DAMMIT! Heyman says they have a match next, as he's reformed one of the most entertaining tag teams in WWE history for them to face.

Web Cam Footage: Noble talks about how Nidia use to like going on line and looking at stuff he then talks about how the doctors say her vision is still bad and they are looking into the different surgeries. He then says if Nidia doesn’t come out of this, then so help me god Tajiri.

Vince and Sable settle in to the skybox.

Taz and Cole talk about Stu Hart, RIP

Worlds Greatest Tag Team vs. Rikishi vs. Scotty Too Hotty
NO WHY HEYMAN WHY! Rikishi is super washed, Scotty is washed. WGTT bumps for every shitty move and lose. FUCK YOU HEYMAN, FUCK YOU SMACKDOWN.

In the skybox: Taker barges in and grabs Vince by the collar. He says this isn't about the title, it's about him. He asks if he's supposed to be a big man beating up his daughter and throwing around his wife. He says Vince isn't a big man, he's a pathetic coward, and if he was a big man, he wouldn't have to pay that pathetic old slut to sleep with him. He says he better pray there's no funny business tonight, because if there is and he loses, there won't be any talking

Backstage: Eddie is getting the cuts on his worked on, when Chavo walks in and says he needs to suck it up and stop being sad. Show only won because of that cheap attack on the car, but Eddie says he still lost the US Title. Chavo says to forget about that title, because they're still tag champion and he needs Latino Heat out there and needs him focused, Eddie says he's right and it's in the past.

WWE Tag Team Championships: Los Guerrero’s vs. The Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why Heyman, Why WWE? Why would you reward smurfs? They are arguably the worse tag team of all time. Not even the swollen tits line can make me even remotely watch them; I’m on the edge of quitting these year in reviews. RIP SMACKDOWN, RIP Tag Titles and RIP US title in the span of 5 days. FUCK MY LIFE!

Post-match: Black bitch and the twin fags celebrate as Eddie is depressed, Chavo talks down to him about it and not being focused and walks off.

Tajiri vs. Zach Gowen
Tajiri pretty much kicks the shit out of him with Gowen doing some shitty moves and not bumping like he use to, fuck him to death. Zach tried a tornado DDT, but it's countered into a vicious powerbomb by the Japanese Buzzsaw kick for the win. Post-Match: Two Japanese men in black suits come from the crowd and congratulate Tajiri. Tajiri sees Gowen trying to get up, tells the two individuals to get Zach, and they combine to spike rock bottom Zach.

Backstage: Brock Lesnar and Big Show are expressing some dissension among the ranks. Lesnar doesn't want to defend the title against Undertaker again, and Show believes that if Lesnar questions his performance, he'll take the World title and have it join with his newly won US title.

A video package from Hardcore Bob Holly is shown, when Brock broke his neck Holly told Brock he didn't finish the job, and that Hardcore is coming back to end your career, Brock Lesnar. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And Smackdown continues to get worse, why Heyman why?

Brock Lesnar & The Big Show vs. The Undertaker
Show and Taker start, until Brock gets a few cheap shots in so Taker grabs a chair to clean house or scare both men out. Brock tags him and begins to work on Taker. It seems to be the game plan is to go after the mid-section. Brock his this amazing trapped arm belly to belly before going back to the mid-section. Show and Brock begins taking turn beating on Taker until Brock tells Show to get his big ass to the top rope for a spike piledriver. Taker fights out and hits a massive chokeslam on show off the top. Post-Match: HEYMAN comes down and says he’s sorry he screwed up, first day on the job. This match is it's actually Best 2 of 3 Falls. Taker fights them on the floor, but slides back in to win by count-out. Paul says OOPS I DID IT AGAIN! It's No Count-out, Show hits Taker with a chair for a DQ. Heyman says he messed up again, and he's used to being an agent. He apologizes and says it's also No-DQ. Taker gets his chain and hits both men. Taker grabs the chain and wraps it around his fist before punching Brock with it, covering him for the win.

Post-Match: Show hits the Chokeslam, and Brock hits the F5 into the post. Vince applauds and says he's going to come down and congratulate him. He walks down as Show & Brock leave. Taker crawls to the stage, and Vince mocks him. He asks what kind of match he wants Brock to kill him in, and Taker says it's at Survivor Series in a Buried Alive Match! Vince says Brock's gonna bury him alive, and Taker slowly stands up. Taker says he's got it all wrong, and his opponent in Buried Alive isn't Brock...IT'S HIM! SWERVE!

RIP Smackdown's run of being the best show.

 

[Crippler]

WWE Raw 10/27/2003
Fayetteville, North Carolina

WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rob Van Dam
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly

A video recap of last week’s events featuring the bounty on Bill Goldberg’s head; and the return of Batista collecting the bounty on Bill’s head by crushing his ankle. YAY!

A Steel Cage his hanging over the ring

EVOLUTION THEME MUSIC Ric Flair, Randy Orton and Batista all make their way down to the ring. Flair gets on the mic and asks if everyone is excited to see Goldberg tonight and they all boooo. Flair says it won’t happen because last week he was eliminated at the hands of Batista. Batista says he doesn’t want him to think of his beating as a negative; he wants him to think of it as an honor. He says as good as Goldberg it he’s that much better. And when Triple H put the bounty on his head he knew he was the one to collect and all the past stuff it was all him. He then says it was too easy for him last week. Randy then says it’s time to get back to business, the championship he asks now that Goldberg is out whom does the title go to. He then says call him crazy but the title should go back to the previous champion Triple H. Eric Bischoff comes out now with the belt, he acts like he’s pissed before saying they made him the happiest man on the planet. Normally he would be pissed but because Goldberg speared him. SCREW BILL GOLDBERG AND SCREW ALL THE PEOPLE. He jokes that Goldberg left the title at ringside so he picked it up, he says he knows Goldberg is watching so he pulls the World title out of a bag and says this was his title but as CO-GM he wishes…..But suddenly Stone Cold’s music hits and down comes Austin. He says he think he left something in the bag so he sticks his hand in it then pulls out the middle finger He says he can’t strip Goldberg of the title because he talked to Goldberg over the weekend he doesn’t care how bad his ankle is and he’s coming back. Austin then books a match at Survivor Series Goldberg vs. Triple H. Flair is pissed; Austin says if Goldberg is not 100% the match will still be a go. Austin leaves, but Batista follows him up the ramp. They go face to face, but Jindrak and Cade run from the crowd to attack Flair and Orton! Batista runs back down to save, but they bail through the crowd again.

Backstage: Trish and Lita are getting changed, Lita asks who was on the phone and baits her into telling her it was Jericho. Lita says she’s known them for a long time and she knows they’re up to something.

Booker T vs. Rico (w/Miss Jackie)
Pretty much a Booker showcase, Rico gets a few kicks in before kills him with the Scissors Kick for the win. Post-Match: Just as Booker is about to do the spin-a-roonie Jericho interrupts. He says he has one question for him how can he be so stupid? To join Team Austin, he says it’s a stupid move and he’s got some friend in the back that also wants to know why. Outcome Scotty and Christian as Jericho calls for the cage to be lowered. It’s a 3-1 beatdown until RVD runs down with a steel chair nailing all three of them as they bail out before the cage lowers. RVD gets on the mic and says he’s now a part of Team Austin.

Backstage: Chris Jericho is complaining to Eric about what just happen, when he says if they want to send a message to Austin give him an IC title match tonight and when he takes the title the message will be loud and clear.

Mark Henry (w/Theodore R. Long) vs. Lance Storm
Teddy gets on the mic and says Mark is angry because of that cracker snake Austin cost him his bounty last week and he will take his anger out on any Stone Cold loving white boy Mark pretty much kills Lance until Shawn runs down and nails him with Sweet Chin Music for the DQ.

Backstage: The Hurricane is with Heidenreich, he says Austin gave him his tryout and gave Hurricane as his partner. He says he is so happy and so is Little Johnny WHAT? He would be here but he got held up. Rosey comes up in his Rosefell gimmick aka his Clark Kent and asks if they would like to take a picture for the daily globe.

Backstage: Lita walks up to Christian, who asks if he’s trying to one-up Jericho for saving him last week. He shows her a picture from her book of them hanging out years ago, and he says that there's no need to hide their friendship anymore. Lita says he has the wrong idea, but she has a match soon.

Backstage: Coach runs into Shane O’Mac and tries to intimidate Shane about his match later saying he hopes it isn’t Kane but Shane says he hopes it is.

The Hurricane & Heidenreich vs. Rene Dupree & Robert Conway
So fuckin’ bad, poor Hurricane

Shane McMahon vs. ????
Shane McMahon comes out for his match, well out comes Test on crutches along with Stacy Test says he’s probably wondering why he’s here but tonight he gets the honor of introducing who he will be facing tonight….HIM!!! Test tries to swing the crutch but Shane ducks and Shane unloads with punches, Test bails to the floor and keeps asking for Kane to comedown but he doesn’t Test pulls Stacy in front of him blocking a drive from Shane. Stacy slaps him which leads to Test getting in a far bit of offense but he keeps begging Kane to come down saying they had a deal. Shane is so washed by this point his strikes aren’t 2016 level but he looks like back yard wrestling champ without the great bumping and selling from 99/02. As for Test he a one legged geek, who is washed from that one good 6 month run he had from 2001. They do some trash hardcore spots; Shane goes for the coast to coast but Kane pyro hits stopping Shane from hitting the move. The match would end minutes later when Shane does hit the coast to coast for the win. Post-Match: Shane called out Kane and kept beating on Test’s broken foot until he shows up. Shane then challenged Kane at Survivor Series to an Ambulance Match, and Kane accepted.

#1 Contender's Match: Trish Stratus vs. Lita vs. Gail Kim vs. Victoria (w/Steven Richards)
This is what it is, moves after moves with no real story like the heels try to isolate one of the woman. Lita did hit a nice powerbomb for two, then minutes later hit a DDT for the win.

Backstage: Coachman is getting makeup put on his face, as he tells the makeup lady to make him look pretty because he’s going to review Stone Colds book tonight.

​

Coachman comes out on the stage, he has his own podium he says he read the book and says the stone cold truth doesn’t have one stared of truth. He brings up the WCW firing, and says Eric called him dozens of times and even went to his out but he wasn’t there. He then tells people to buy the book not because it’s good because it’s gonna be a collectable because after survivor series it will all be over. Austin comes out; as Coach complains about not being on commentary so Austin tries to gloat him into provoking him. Coach mocks him about not being able to hit him, and Austin says that after his team wins at Survivor Series and he can beat up people again, he wants Coach to interview him immediately after.

Backstage: Terri is interviewing Jindrak and Cade, they hype one another up. Until Shawn Michaels comes over to further hype them up. Once they leave Teddy comes over, and tells Shawn. Mark wants a match with him next week. THE WORLDS STONGEST MAN VS. THE HEARTBREAK CRACKER As Michaels leave Eric has cops with him and he says to protect him and the main event he has cops with him to escort him of the arena.

Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak vs. Ric Flair & Randy Orton (w/Batista)
As the bell rings MAVEN comes out to even the odds. This match is pretty much all Orton and Flair, mostly Orton who is looking awesome and has improved leaps and bounds since his return. Jundraks hot tag was fun, while it lasted. The match ends when Maven runs in to clothesline Flair back into a roll up by Jindrak and he holds the tights while Batista is just on the floor watching smh. Post-Match: Batista remembers he’s Batista and kills Maven, Jindrak and Cade with spinebusters and Batista Bombs.

Survivor Serises is in 3 weeks brehz, GET HYPE!

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam
I like that Jericho didn’t want to do the traditional feeling out and just wanted to punish RVD like he said he wanted to so he just right in with strikes. After a good back and forth Jericho hits the pretty enziguri and begins to take over. RVD fights out of a back stretch and makes his comeback. Jericho connects with the bulldog but misses the Lionsault. RVD then misses the Five Star and Jericho rolls him up for two, low blow behind the refs backs and Jericho applies the Walls Of Jericho. RVD begins to crawl but Eric runs down to distract the ref. Once RVD makes it to the ropes that allows Jericho to pull him to the middle of the ring and RVD taps.

Post-Match: Jericho celebrates but here comes Stone Cold Steve Austin; he says he can’t change the refs decision but he can make Jericho first title defense right now. And it’s against RVD in a steel Cage for the IC title. Austin then makes the match everyone is banned from ringside.

Steel Cage Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Chris Jericho vs. Rob Van Dam
We return from a commercial with the match in progress, Jericho begins to focus on the lower back working over it. RVD fights back and refuses the sell the back because he’s turned into a piece of shit. He flapjacks Jericho into the cage and sends him face first into the cage 3 times. Awesome spot as RVD sandwiched Jericho in between the ropes and the cage before delivering some shoulderblocks. Then he just propels himself right into Jericho head. After several failed escapes RVD tries the slingshot Jericho into the cage but Jericho counters and runs the turnbuckle to the top. RVD cages him and fights him back in but Jericho connects with a top rope bulldog. Jericho again tries to escape but RVD pulls him by his hair back in. A side kicks takes Jericho down as both men try to race once another out with RVD going over the top and Jericho through the door. The match ends with Jericho poking his head out the door and RVD kicking it shut before falling to the floor for the win. Post-March: Team Bischoff (Christian and Steiner) runs down and attacks him; Steiner throws him into the steps and back into the cage. Bubba and D-Von run down to make the save. But here comes Mark Herny and teddy long that locks the cage shot with a steel chain. Jericho is busted open in the corner as Mark kills everyone. HOLY SHIT BOOKER T RUNS DOWN AND CLIMBS THE CAGE! HE CONNECTS WITH A CROSS BODY TAKING EVERYONE OUT. Mark recovers and kills him as Team Bischoff continues the assault as Raw goes off air. Great double match with a great finish to the cage, even better beat down and reveal of whom with be on the teams. ***1/4

 

[Deezy]

I love when Goldberg and his marks would go back to this era and act like he was sabotaged and politicked out, when it was just a case of the fans not liking him.

When people cheer the reign of terror Triple H over....you know you're fucked.

 

[Kiffy Lube]

Nice fake retirement when it comes to reviewin'. You pulled a Mark Henry on me. Inspirin' me now when I have free time to just get back in. You still got it, dawg.

 

[Crippler]

Had to man. GoT ended, no sports. Shit i've been forced to read books and work more smh

 

[Crippler]

WWE Smackdown 10/30/2003
Atlanta, Georgia

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE U.S. Champion: The Big Show
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Basham Brothers
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri

Opening Video Package airs of Heyman being introduced at the new GM; Followed by the Main Event highlights and post-match SHOCKER!

During Kurt’s entrance, it is announced at Survivor Series it will be Team Kurt vs. Team Brock; Kurt much choice 4 other partners and so will Brock.

Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit vs. John Cena & A-Train
Hopefully, this gets time this time around; Cena gets on the mic and says Benoit and Angle use to get along so great but it looks like they ran into a bad date. And after last week he saw that they kissed and made up. Cena says he and A-Train are the winning team, he’s like Han solo and A-Train is his Wookiee Train gives him the side-eye but Cena says it’s OKAY! Chicks dig it. Cena and Benoit starts; it’s good shit. Kurt then tags in and takes the fight to Cena, Kurt manages to fight off both Train and Cena but he has his back turn too long and Train kills him with a clothesline. The heel team iso Kurt and Kurt bumps great for them. Cena is on fire too, his dick heel tactics are great and all his moves are coming along smoothly. Train is good too as the muscle, Benoit tho his hot tag is amazing as he tries to break down Train and begins flying at him in all different directions. He connects with a German but misses the diving headbutt; All 4 men hit their finishers. Benoit chops Cena in the corner and sees Train coming charging in and avoids leading to him accidentally splashes Cena. Benoit hits 3 Germans on Train and follows up with a Diving Headbutt for the win. Post-Match: Benoit and Angle shake hands and walk back together. In the ring, A-Train blames Cena for that, and Cena points out that Train hit him. A-Train shoves him, so Cena kicks him in the balls and lays him out with the FU before walking off. Good Match. **3/4

Mr. McMahon is in Paul Heyman's office. He beings raging and shouts at Heyman does he have any idea what he did to him? You put me in a match at Survivor Series against the Undertaker in a buried alive match. HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO ME? Heyman tries to get him to calm down, but instead, he rages more. Vince says they will be no match because there will be no Undertaker. The plan tonight is to have Taker not be able to walk out. Heyman says that’s not possible because he gave Taker the night off. And not just tonight but he gave Taker the night off every night until Survivor Series. VINCE BEGINS TO HAVE A STOKE! VINCE THEN SAYS “TERRORISTS ARE GONNA BURN DOWN THE UNDERTAKERS HOUSE. YEAH! HIS CHILDREN ARE GOING TO BE KIDNAPPED. HIS WIFE WILL BE RAPPPPPED! BY A MOTORCYCLE GANG RIGHT INFRONT OF THE UNDERTAKER” and that’s the plan he wants, and he better do it in 15 minutes/ Because if not he’s going to choke the life out of him in front of everybody.

Backstage: Torrie Wilson is in a towel YES!

Backstage: Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle are taking, Kurt says they hardly ever see eye-to-eye but when they do, they’re pretty unstoppable. Kurt then asks Benoit to join his team for Survivor Series. Benoit says of all the people he could ask 1st he wants him? Kurt says yeah and Benoit accepts. Benoit says they’re not friends and Kurt says he doesn’t want friends he just wants to win.

Backstage: Heyman walks into Vince’s office; Vince asks what he has for him, and Heyman says coyly, "Nothing." Vince repeats himself, and Heyman response, "Nothing, I got nothing for you, Vince." Vince then retorts that he is a man of his word, and he will choke out Heyman in the middle of the ring, and then fire him. Heyman says PLEASE, do so. Fire him. Because he doesn't want to work for the Vincent Kennedy McMahon that beats up on the one-legged athlete, his daughter, and himself. He wanted to work for the Vincent Kennedy McMahon who, when boxed in, is the most ruthless, evil, sadistic, vindictive maniac. He wanted to work for the Vince McMahon that took all of the competition in this business and put them all out of business. Heyman asks Vince where is the ruthless aggression? McMahon stormed out of the room.

Cole & Tazz ask what type of game Heyman is playing, trying to play mind games with the master motivator that is Mr. McMahon.

Tajiri comes out with Akio and Sakoda to do commentary.

Rey Mysterio vs. Ultimo Dragon
Rey has this Incredible Hulk inspired attire on today, this is the eve of Halloween so it makes sense. Hilarious moment; during Dragon’s entrance Taz asks Tajiri what he thinks about Ultimo Dragon and in broken English, he just says “okay” then like 5 seconds of dead air this gets like 3 minutes and never got a chance to get going. Tajiri interferes and kicks Rey in the head to give Ultimo the win. Post-Match: Tajiri tries to have a word with the Ultimo Dragon. Dragon declines, he shakes his head and leaves the ring. **

Backstage: Brock Lesnar and Big Show are arguing about who's fault it was last week; A stagehand comes in and says Paul Heyman wants to see Brock in the ring, right now.

Paul Heyman comes out with Nathan Jones and another huge guy. Heyman says money it time, and time is money and he’s not gonna waste either one of them tonight. Not on Paul Heyman’s Smackdown. First, he introduces Nathan Jones the single most notorious inmate in the history of Australian Prison system. A man feared and more importantly given some terrible advice by the Undertaker. He then introduces who he called the #1 draft pick of Paul Heyman's Smackdown, Matt Morgan. Heyman called Morgan, 6'10", 328 pounds the new 'Next Big Thing.' He then calls out the WWE champion Brock Lesnar.

Brock Lesnar comes out and cuts Heyman off, he says he hasn’t forgotten about him and says he’s not stupid. Heyman tells Brock he just wants to talk business. Brock doesn't trust him and brings out Big Show to even the odds. Brock tells them to back off and says he has a lot of history with Show and Heyman, he then says he can make history out of Morgan and Jones if he wanted. Brock says he hates Heyman's guts and always hated his guts. But, if Heyman wants to talk business, talk fast. Heyman then proclaims that Jones, Morgan, and Show are on his team at Survivor Series. He also makes the main event tonight a tag match between Lesnar and Show against 2 people that have been calling his phone all week insulting them. Tonight it will be Brock/Show vs. APA. Brock says he likes the sound of that but asks why should he trust him, Heyman says he shouldn’t trust him instead trust his greed.

Backstage: Paul London and Orlando Jordan are playing WWE Here Comes The Pain when Dawn Marie shows off her costume. Jordan fakes being aroused and questions if she’s gonna wear that tonight like a gay best friend London then turns back and continues to play HCTP GEEKS!

Funaki is dressed as Undercover Brother as his Halloween costume he’s apparently the moderator for this trick or treats contest. It is underwhelming as Torrie is a mediocre bunny and Dawn is a shitty Wonder Woman. Torrie wins, Funaki says they need to bob for apples in the tub of chocolate, Dawn volunteers to go first, and gets in the tub of chocolate, entirely. She comes up with no top on. Funaki almost faints, Taz hits the ring. Taz says since Dawn was the treat, let's show Funaki the trick. Torrie begins to seduce Funaki to set him up for the dip in the chocolate tub, but at the last minute, pushes Tazz in the tub of chocolate

Backstage: Cena is about to leave when Brock stops him and congratulates him, Cena asks for what and Brock says he doesn’t know for a fact but Heyman might be naming him as the 5th member of his team.

Taz who is still covered in chocolate hugs Cole and they both laugh about it.

Backstage: Chavo tells Eddie he’s disappointed in him, he has no idea what’s going on with him. First, he loses the US title okay, that’s got nothing to do with him but no they lost the tag title which is half his. Chavo says he let the family down, him down the most. He believes Eddie is sinking like he was when he was on drugs and alcohol. Chavo demands a public apology from Eddie Guerrero about what has transpired recently.

Eddie Guerrero comes out, depressed, he doesn’t even come out with a low rider so you know it’s real. Eddie says, Chavo you want an apology? You’re right. I have a lot to be sorry for. I lost 2 titles in one week, he let Chavo down. He let La Raza down. I le famila down, I’M SORRY! When I come out in front of you people I give my heart out here and if that is not what I have down lately, I apologize. Chavo you said something back there that hurt, and if anyone has seen me in my dark days with drugs and alcohol it was you. THIS IS NOT A GAME FOR ME! THIS IS NOT MATCH! THIS IS LIFE! I can’t seem to bring myself to understand, at that moment a fan shouts “YOU SUCK, EDDIE” Eddie stops and says you’re right ese, right now I do suck I deserve that. Eddie questions why Chavo would bring that up, maybe it’s because he feels he’s weak and maybe he is. Two titles one week; that’s okay because it brings back a lot of memories. Eddie says he didn’t get out of that with hope, or by feeling sorry for himself. I see hope and that’s all he’s got and he’ll hold on to that and words by his father. CHAVO I’M NOT GOING TO GIVE IT UP! NO! I’M GONNA FIGHT BABY! I’M GONNA FIGHT FOR YOU CHAVO. I WILL BE CHAMPION AGAIN! I’LL DO IT FOR ME, I’LL DO IT FOR YOU, I’LL DO IT FOR THE FAMILA! Shaniqua comes out with the tag belts to ruin it, and The Bashams come from the crowd to attack. Eddie takes them out, and Shaniuqua too when she gets involved. He goes up top, but they shove him off to the floor. They choke at him until Chavo makes the save. EDDIE IS GOD, POOR GUY HAS TO CARRY 4 PIECES OF SHIT EVERYNIGHT.

Backstage: Eddie's getting checked out in the back by the trainers when Paul Heyman comes in. Eddie wants a tag title shot after what the Bashams did to him. Heyman says he has to earn it. A handicap match, next week. Eddie Guerrero vs. The Basham Brothers. If Eddie wins, he gets a tag title shot.

Josh Mathews interviews Kurt Angle about Team Brock, Kurt says that’s one big ass team. But his team is better. He not only has himself and Benoit, but he just got off the phone with someone who has waited to get his hands on Brock for a whole year……Hardcore Holly NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Kurt then goes on to say he also got the two toughest wrestlers in history THE APA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY! FUCK YOU HEYMAN! FUCK YOU WRITERS!

In a pre-tape interview; The Undertaker talks about talks about was the beating worth it for the match he got, Taker says yes and Brock and Show will get theirs some day. Taker says he wants nothing more to be a 5 time WWE Champion, but Vince said himself as long as he’s breathing he will never be the WWE Champion. So this was Vince’s doing.

Brock Lesnar & The Big Show vs. The APA
This goes about 4 minutes it’s good brawling, like really good. Shockingly good brawling until Brock has had enough and kills Faarooq with a chair for a DQ. Show then chokeslams him and Brock nails him in the back with the chair and places the chair on his leg. Show then goes to middle rope and leg drops the chair. Bradshaw tries to make the save but Brock kills him with a chair shot to the head. They try to do the same to Bradshaw but Kurt and Chris make the save. Kurt Angle Slams show, and Benoit Germans Brock. They both apply the Crossface and Anklelock until Matt and Nathan make the save. TEAM BROCK STAND TALL TO END THE SHOW!

 

[Crippler]

WWE RAW 11/03/2003
Cleveland, Ohio

WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rob Van Dam
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly

Tonight: Mark Henry vs. Shawn Michaels, Contract Signing between Team Austin and Team Bischoff

Booker T & Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho & Christian
During Jericho into Christian and Jericho run through the crowd and pear Harbor them as the bell rings. The heels bump around for great in the early portion of the match until RVD distracts the ref long enough for Christian to drop Booker throat-first onto the top rope, they iso Booker bring shades of BookerDust/Victim C goodness from 2002 RVD hot tag is alright, but he’s pretty much washed at this point so it ehhhh. The match breaks down and everyone does a bunch of stuff, Jericho is bleeding from the cheek as a result of one of RVD stiff kicks; Booker connects with a double scissors kick and throws Christian out of the ring, and Jericho takes him out. That allows RVD to connect with a leaping kick off them top, but when he goes to cover Christian has the ref distracted. RVD takes him out and Jericho hits this Swinging Sleeper Slam and Christian held his foot down from the floor so he couldn't kick out and Jericho/Christian win. YAY! **1/2

Backstage: Austin is watching this on the monitor and leaves in disgust; Coach laughs at him and says after that match, he's taking Austin up on his offer to interview him after the match at Survivor Series. Austin says if he’s done running his mouth, and to think about it when his team wins he’s gonna get his ass whooped, but if his team loses and he’s got nothing to loose he’s still getting his ass whooped.

Backstage: Terri is interviewing Molly Holly, she asks how she’s feeling about her upcoming match against Lita at Survivor Series. Molly says she’s sick of hearing about Lita, and she’s sick of hearing his Lita inspiration story. BUT THAT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! Molly then says she does have something she can interview Lita about and that’s getting beat up by the Women's champion. Molly then slaps her and beats her all the way from the back into the ring; She beats her down to the ring, but Lita runs out to save. A "fan" runs in to help, and it's Gail Kim, so a 2 on 1 happens, and they lay her out with a Double DDT.

Backstage: Stone Cole Steve Austin walks into Shawn Michaels locker room; they have this awkward convo and Shawn plays dumb about not knowing that Team Austin/Team Bischoff is a thing He tries to give Shawn the hint that he has 4 and needs 5 and Shawn say well the locker room is filled with guys Austin then outright asks him, Shawn brings up all their bad history, and Austin says he's not here for a history lesson, he's here for a fifth man. Shawn pretends to leave then comes back and says yes.

Backstage: Christian runs in and checks on Lita in the trainer's room.

LEBRON JAMES IS IN THE CROWD!

Batista (w/Ric Flair) vs. Maven
Batista KILLS Maven and it’s was great.

Replays of Mark Herny murdering Shawn Michaels and Shawn getting his revenge; Mark Henry/Shawn Michaels FIRST TIME MEETING!

Backstage: Kane is standing next to an ambulance; he says this is Shane’s future. He asked for this, Kane gives us a run down of the rules. We even get this shitty POV video of someone being lifted into the ambulance Kane then closes the doors and laughs.

Backstage: Cade and Jindrack are hyping themselves up and saying this is their night, they need to keep making an impact and they will tonight against the Dudleyz in this non-title match.

The Dudley Boyz vs. Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade
I’m guessing fuckery will be involved because you can’t beat Orton and Flair last week and not get a title shot. Neither team can really gain full control and go back and forth; for the entire match. It’s weird like really face paced and both teams seem to just rush through moves. IDK Cade and Jindrak are heels by default and sucked cause they’ve never played heel and the what was suppose to be 30-second heat looked like rookie heat. Bubba’s hot tag was shit, thankfully Scott Steiner comes out to distract them by lifting Stacy high in the air press slam style, he acts live he’s gonna throw her off the stage which allows Bubba to distracted long enough for Cade Lariat Bubba for the upset win. Bubba claps post-match at this shocking finish.

Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out for the contract signing; Austin says he’s got things to do and beer to drink, so can we get this over with. Here comes Eric; Eric then introduces his 5th man, the man who beat Shawn Michaels at Unforgiven………RANDY ORTON! Orton comes out on the stage and says he and Evolution have not forgotten the way Austin has messed with them in the past. Randy then says he prides himself on being a Legend Killa. And at survivor series he thinks it’s time to add another Legend to his list. Austin says his hearing isn’t what is use to be so he’s gonna walk up that ramp and he can tell it to his face, Eric stops him and tells us Austin can’t blah blah blah. Bischoff points out that Austin will FINALLY have to trust somebody, and HBK, Booker, RVD, and the Dudleyz' hands. Austin says if Eric keeps repeating himself, he'll keep giving him the finger. Austin says he'd rather take the risk to get the shackles off and get to be Steve Austin again as GM than not accept the challenge.

Backstage: Stone Cold is walking when Batista stops him, he says he saw him running his mouth again, Batista says Austin makes him sick. And the real reason Austin doesn’t put his hands on anyone anymore, not because of that stupid physicality rules, but because of guys like him. Batista says he lose his nerve and calls him a coward. A GOD DAMN COWARD!

Val Venis comes out with 3 hoes.

Rico (w/Miss Jackie) vs. Lance Storm
Lance does hat dance happy go lucky shit on his entrance, JESUS! As for the match. Lance does what he can, it’s terrible. Lance wins with the half Boston crab then leaves with Val and the hoes.

Backstage: Chris Jericho sweets talks Trish; he then questions if she really wants John Heidenreich as her partner.

John Heidenreich & Trish Stratus vs. Victoria & Steven Richards
TERRIBLE!

Backstage: Coachman mocks Austin about being punked out by Batista and not being able to do anything. Austin then makes himself the special enforcer for Shawn/Henry, meaning that if someone came down to ringside before, during, or after that, he'd consider it an act of physical provocation, and that's an open invitation.

SURVIVOR SERIES HYPE!
Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff
Triple H vs. Goldberg
Lita vs. Molly Holly
Shane McHahon vs. KANE

Backstage: Kane is walking when Sargent Slaughter runs up to him, he hands him a note from Shane. Kane reads it and laughs. He says if he sees Shane tell him I accept his invitation next week.

Shawn Michaels vs. Mark Henry (w/Theodore R. Long) [Special Enforcer: Steve Austin]
Mark brutalizes Shawn in the early going, but Shawn uses the stick and moves offense to get Mark off his feet but when he does Shawn is all over him live a pitbull with shockingly amazing punches. Mark then comes back and runs Shawn over with a shoulder tackle, more amazing Shawn jabs but when Teddy gets involved Austin kicks him out. Mark blocks a crossbody and rams Shawn’s back into the ring post. Mark then viciously attacks Shawn back with clubbing blows. Mark's offense all looks nasty and Shawn has great selling and bumping, no one works a big man vs. little man offense like Shawn it’s fuckin’ amazing. And for the 2nd show in a row, a bear hug looks nasty. This time, it looks legit as Mark is the strongest man in the work and Shawn sells it amazingly. The way Mark cuts off Shawn attempt at a comeback with a simple backhand Shawn again has a comeback but gets crotched on the top rope. Shawn avoids the Vader Bomb by getting the knees up, kip up and Sweet Chin Music gets the win. GREAT FUCKIN MATCH. ***

After the match, Austin congratulates Shawn on the win and thanks him for joining his team. But says he has some business to take care of right now. Shawn leaves; Austin calls out Batista. Batista comes out, and they brawl. Austin wins that and at the same time Henry gets up, but he walks into a Stunner. That allows Batista to jump him from behind. Batista puts the boots to Austin taking him out. Suddenly, GOLDBERG IS SHOWN BACKSTAGE LIMPING! Goldberg walks out with a chair! He destroys Mark with a chair shot to the head and spears Batista. Goldberg tries to break Batista's ankle in revenge, but Flair runs out and gets killed with the Spear allowing Batista to escape. Austin then books Goldberg vs. Batista next week, and Austin and Goldberg drink to end Raw.

 

[Crippler]

WWE Smackdown 11/06/2003
Buffalo, New York

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE U.S. Champion: The Big Show
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Basham Brothers
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri

Rey Mysterio vs. John Cena
Cole tries the hype up the potential Cena joining Team Brock and how huge that is; Cena gets on the mic and does his thing. He says the chances of him losing to Rey is like the Big Show going to a buffet and ordering one cheerio. He calls himself a box office like the matrix, and he ain’t losing to a midget Dominatrix Cena says he doesn’t believe Rey is a grown man and doesn’t know if he should spank him or breastfeed him then calls him the Mexican Gary Coleman. CENA IS OVER HUGE NOW! Cena trolls Rey by getting on his knees and Rey goes the blowjob taunt Rey uses the quickness but gets murdered with a shoulder tackle in the ring. Rey then goes to the air one time too many and Cena lays him out with a huge right hand. Cena’s offense is mostly kicks and punches here before he connects with a sweet delayed suplex for two, Rey’s comeback wasn’t on point to IDK what it was either he was gassed or for the first time in like months he’s selling without holding a body part. The match would end when Rey hits the 619 but Cena bumps into the ref taking him out for the moment, Rey springboards but in mid-air Cena low blows him, he then finishes him off with the FU. Fun. **3/4

Paul Heyman along with Brock Lesnar, The Big Show, Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones come out to some Shitty Paul Heyman song, which is not the ECW song or even “Let the bodies hit the floor” shit I would have preferred here comes the pain. Anyway, Heyman applauds Cena and begins trolling the Cena chants. He applauds Cena for taking what he wants but says tonight, he's going to give him something. Not the WWE or US Titles, because Brock & Big Show have actually earned those, but he's giving him the opportunity of a lifetime as he tells him that the 5th man on Team Lesnar at Survivor Series. Cena says asks if he's telling him that, and Heyman says yes, so Cena says nobody tells him what to do, and he's not doing it. He says he won't fit in on Team Sasquatch, and A-Train runs from the crowd to attack Cena from behind. Here comes Team Brock to make it a 5-1. Jones and Morgan kill Cena with a double team big boots, Show gets in and hits him with a chokeslam. Brock throws in a chair and absolutely murders Cena with a chair shot to the head. HOLY SHIT! IT LOOKED AND SOUNDED SICK!

Backstage: Team Brock surround A-Train and Train says he didn’t mean to ruin their plan out their he just had a score to settle with Cena. Heyman says with Brock Lesnar’s blessing he’s here to offer him spot number 5 at Survivor Series. HANDSHAKES ALL AROUND!

Clips air of Eddie Guerrero's recent problems.

Backstage: Eddie is warming up when Chavo walks up to him, he says Eddie has to do it alone tonight because Paul Heyman has banned him from ringside. Chavo tells Eddie not only has to do it for family, the fans, and himself...but he needs to do it for Chavo. Eddie is confused and says it's a team, and Chavo says Eddie's the one who's been messing up, not him. Chavo says he was always there for Eddie during his problems, and now, Eddie needs to do this for him, and Eddie says it'll get done.

The Big Show vs. Bradshaw
Cole says they're not sure if Faarooq will compete at Survivor Series after the beating he took last week, Bradshaw is pissed and bum rushes the ring. This was fun, it’s a slobber knocker and just a fight. Show’s bumping is great and to a degree so is Bradshaws. This becomes a money match in about 2 years Bradshaw's babyface comeback is great he’s just beating the shit out of Show. At one point Bradshaw clotheslines Show to the floor and rips off the protective covering of the barricades and throws show into it. Back in the ring, Bradshaw goes for the clothesline from hell but runs into a chokeslam and show covers for the win. **1/2

Backstage: Paul Heyman is hitting on Torrie Wilson, DAMMIT PAUL. He says she’s gonna learn that he’s in control now and she’s gonna learn to do things his way.

Backstage: Kurt Angle is in the locker room on the phone, when Benoit walks in. Kurt hangs up and says that was Faarooq's doctor, and he won’t be able to wrestle at Survivor Series. Benoit tells him to take it easy, Torrie comes in and says Heyman made her tell them that the main event tonight is the two of them vs. Brock Lesnar, Big Show, Matt Morgan, & Nathan Jones.

Another Awesome Taker pre-tape interview airs; Taker says this goes beyond the WWE title. On Survivor Series night, I will have worked for this company for 13 years. And in those 13 years, Vince has screwed with him professionally and personally. Vince doesn’t respect him or anyone and when he walks into the locker room guys show him respect because he shows them respect. It’s a mutual respect. Vince, on the other hand, respects no one. For all the years he’s gonna have to atone for it. Taker says he’s a firm believer that in every man's life, there comes a time you have to be accountable for your actions even if you’re Vince McHanon.

EARNEST THE CAT MILLER IS COMING SOON!

Eddie Guerrero vs. The Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua)
If Eddie wins he and Chavo get a tag title match next week. Shaniqua whips Doug and Danny on the ass with a whip to motivate them Eddie is on fire early, he’s relentless until Doug does some gay shit backing his ass onto Eddie dick. Doug whips Eddie into the ropes and Danny knees him in the back allowing the Faghams to take over for like a minute until Eddie makes this great comeback which is made better as the Faghams bump huge for it. But after a plancha to the floor, Doug distracts the ref long enough for Shaniqua to kick Eddie in the face. Basham take over again and it’s basic 101 heat, they don’t work a body part instead just do stuff until Eddie makes his comeback again which I guess would be his own hot tag without the tag. He connects with the three amigos’ he heads up top but Shaniqua gets on the apron, that distracts Eddie and the ref allowing the Faghams to use twin magic; Shaniqua is still jawing with Eddie so he pokes here in the eyes Eddie then grabs her whip, whips the Danny who is faking in the ring and spanks the ref with it framing him as Eddie is laughing at the ref being framed he school boys Danny for the win. Post-Match: Chavo tries to steal Eddie limelight as the leave in the low rider. Eddie is the best. **1/2

During the break: Eddie and Chavo are celebrating as they leave the arena.

Vince McHahon comes out and gets on the mic, Vince is walking differently very slow and tense. He grabs the mic and cuts one of the GOAT never remembered promos ever. He says he comes here tonight not to be afraid of him or what he’s about to do or say. He asks the fans not to snicker no be scornful of his genuine sincerity. We all know this match at survivor series hang over his head, he says he came here to ask for their understanding. He came here to ask for their forgiveness. And as for such, he wants every head not only in this arena but around the world to bow their heads and clothes their eyes as he would like to offer everyone his personal invocation. Vince then gets on one knee and the lights go dim with the spotlight only on him I KNOW THE DAY OF RECKONING IS COMING AT SURVIVOR SERIES, SO THEREFORE I ASK THAT MY SOUL BE CLEANSED. I ASK FOR MY HEART BE PURGED. I ASK THAT I HAVE THE ABILITY TO PIERCE THE VEIL OF RIGHTEOUSNESS! EN ROUTE TO MAXIMUM ABSOLUTION! I MUST FOLLOW THE LIGHT. I MUST FOLLOW IT TO ULTIMATE VICTORY. I ask not for your understanding and forgiveness for what I’ve done in the past, I only ask for your understanding and forgiveness for what I’m about to do. For you see I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN I have been chosen by a higher authority, a greater higher power I’ve been chosen to take this quest, I have been chosen to slaughter the infidel I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO BURY THE UNDERTAKER ALIVE. AMEN! HOLY SHIT! Preacher Vince is amazing, totally makes up for all the other fuck shit he’s been doing since June or even May with Sable.

Tajiri & Nunzio (w/Akio & Sakoda) vs. Ultimo Dragon & Jamie Noble
This was basically an angle advancement match, we pretty much get every pairing apart from Noble/Tajiri cause I guess they’re saving it for the PPV. I mean not much to say I guess, Nunzio is the real weak link here. Tajiri/Knoble do eventually touch and it's during the hot tag that ends abruptly after 30 seconds with Noble cradle pins Tajiri to win. Lame.

SURVIVOR SERIES HYPE!
The Undertaker vs. Vince McHahon
Tajiri vs. Jamie Knoble
Team Brock vs. Team Angle

Brock Lesnar, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan & A-Train vs. Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit
Brock joins commentary Cole wonders why he isn’t in the ring with his team and Brock says he’s the damn champion he can do what he wants. Brock makes jokes about Benoit not having teeth and his team having all theirs. Brock then makes another joke that Nathan Jones is a psycho, cause all people from Australia are psychos BROCK Kurt/Jones start and Kurt wants to wrestle but Jones is just about power moves, he's still so green that Kurt outsmarts him and Benoit gets him and is immediately killed. I guess this match is just to show how nasty Jones and Morgan are and try to get them familiar with the crowd. Brock makes farm jokes and math jokes, this guy is amazing. Taz also sucks up to Brock so they both shit on Cole. Benoit bumps amazingly for everyone, Train/Benoit is great as always and again for the 4th show in a row the bear hug is used correctly. After what is like 6/7 minutes Brock finally gets involved only when Benoit is weakened, he jumps Benoit twice but every time Kurt goes after him Brock runs. Finally, Brock tags him and he begins to throw Benoit around, and it’s glorious. IT’S ALSO COMING SOON! AND I CAN’T WAIT! Team Brock continue to absolutely brutalize Benoit for several more minutes, Train tries to go for the Vader bomb but Benoit counters with double boots, shame thing Shawn did. He German’s Train and hot tags Kurt who cleans house. It’s fuckin awesome, granted all Kurt's offense is Germens and Angle slams, he counters an F5 into the Ankle lock and at the same time, Benoit locks Train in the Crossface. But here comes the Big Show who breaks it up by kicking Kurt in the face, He chokeslams Kurt, Benoit counters the Chokeslam attempt and Bradshaw takes him out with a clothesline from hell. Nathan Jones boots Bradshaw in the face and Morgan nails Bradshaw with a sit-down powerbomb. But CENA’S HERE AND HE HAS A CHAIR. He kills Jones and Morgan with chair shots, but Show punches it out of his hands leading to Train planting him with the double handed chokeslam. BROCK THEN KILLS EVERYONE WITH CHAIR SHOTS!!!!! TEAM BROCK STAND TALL AS THE SHOW GOES OFF THE AIR. **3/4 - ***

 

[Crippler]

WWE RAW 11/10/2003
Boston, Massachusetts

WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rob Van Dam
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly

Tonight: Batista vs. Goldberg and Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton

Lita’s music hits and she comes down to the ring, but as soon as she grabs the mic she says all she hears is coming back from a serious neck injury that she head is a pretty big accomplishment. And maybe it is, but nothing compares to the feeling she will get when she wins the woman's title this Sunday. Suddenly, Triple H’s music hit and god is back from his honeymoon vacation is YES! TRIPS HERE TO MAKE ME CARE AGAIN! AND HE GOT A GOOD POP, NOT 2002 RETURN. Lita says can she help them and trips says “Randy give me a dollar, you see I was nice enough to let you come out here and say your piece. So, now unless you plan on getting naked and dancing for this dollar. He suggests she take a hike” TRIPSGOD! He then replays the footage of Batista breaking Goldberg’s ankle. He says Goldberg has a broken ankle and challenges Batista tonight, then he has to face him at Survivor Series. Triple H says their’s a fine line between bravery and stupidity. He says Goldberg is a man with more guts than trains, he’s a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest and baby I wrote the book on ass kicking. Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music hits and out comes Austin; Austin then tells them to take a hike, Triple H says he sees what he’s trying to do here. He’s trying to give the fans one last Austin/HHH moment before he loses his job this Sunday. Orton then gets on the mic and says he wants to be the one to take full responsibility for killing the legend of the rattlesnake. Austin asks Triple H if he plans on wrestling tonight, Triple H says nope. And Austin tells him to get the hell outta here. Batista then cuts in and again calls him a coward. Austin, says he can’t wait until Survivor Series is over so he can deal with them all 1 by 1, Austin then calls security to escort Triple H out of the building if he doesn’t plan on wrestling. Triple H then gets on the mic and says he’s not leaving because Austin, is making him but because he wants to and he has a card with him and if any security touches him he will sue them

Backstage: Team Eric are laughing at Austin and begin to taunt him until Team Austin even the odds, Booker tells them they’re gonna kick all their asses tonight SUCKAS’

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Rob Van Dam vs. Christian
Christian bumps like crazy for everything RVD does, RVD is busting out everything monkey flip, backdrop to the floor and even the apron leg drop to the barricade all in the span of 30 seconds. Christian weathers the early storm before murdering RVD with a DDT and RVD does the top of the head spike bumps He begins to work the head and neck area wearing him down setting up the unpreittier. RVD doesn’t sell shit because he clearly doesn’t care anymore, his comeback was the usual kicks and flips, he did bust out the senton flip followed by the moonsault off the middle turnbuckle. The match would end when Christina brings in both the IC title and a chair, the ref would take the title away by leaving the chair. RVD sweeps the leg and connects with the five-star frog splash for the win. **1/4 - **1/2

Shane McMahon arrives at a restaurant and orders a table for two.

Jonathan Coachman comes down to the ring wearing a New York jersey, he says Eric has sent him down here to do something noteworthy. He walks up to Lilian a says Eric has decided that for her own safety he is now going to replace her for the rest of the evening. GET TO STEPPIN, GIRLFRIEND

La’ Resistance vs. The Hurricane & Rosey
The match starts as brawl on the floor as Hurricane hit a really nice Crossbody Plancha wiping the FrenchFucks out, back in, French fucks take over after one of them dropkicked Rosey’s knee. They legit no joke holds his leg and back and forth kick away at it, that was their entire heat. Hold the leg kick it twice then tag out, they did it 4 fuckin’ times before Rosey just shoved them away and Hurricane hot tagged in the match breaks down and Conway hits a swinging neckbreaker for the win lmoa fuck off.

Backstage: Terri is telling Lita that she has no gear, she's not a wrestler and she’s scared to death. Eric comes on. He books them both vs. Molly/Gail tonight; Eric trolls her says he feels bad for her, the way Triple H treated her. He mentions that he fired her about 7 months ago, and when Austin's gone after Survivor Series, she better learn to play ball with Mr. Bischoff.

Backstage: Chris Jericho is giving Team Eric a pep talk, he says Christian would get all the girls and Lita if Austin didn’t start calling him a CLB “CREEPY LITTLE BASTARD” He says Mark Henry would be $100,000 richer if Austin didn’t kick him out the building, And Big Poppa Bump was the first to provoke Austin and knocked him down with one punch. Scotty said he did it because “HE DOES NOT LIKE REDNECKS” Orton shows up. Jericho thanks him for showing up on time, and Orton blows it off and says if anyone has trouble during the match on Sunday, tag him in and it's no problem. He says he'll go show them in his match vs. Shawn Michaels, and they all look in disbelief as Orton walks off. TEDDY THEN SAYS “DAT'S ONE COCKY CRACKA” lmao

Backstage: Val Venus is with some thots, Lance is in the shower and Val gets him to come out apparently naked and apparently he has a big dick, I don’t buy it.

Shane is still at the restaurant, he refuses the chief special and says he’s waiting for his guest.

Lita & Terri vs. Molly Holly & Gail Kim
Coach jokes during the introductions that Lita/Terri are coming in at a combined weight of 310 pounds This is pretty terrible, heels beat up Terri for a the entire 2 and a half maybe 3 minutes of the match until Lita gets the hot tag cleans house but a Gail kick to the face and Molly rollup with a little help from the middle rope gets the win lol Post-Match: Molly and Gail rip Terri’s dress off and throw her to the floor.

Footage from Orton vs. Michaels at Unforgiven airs

Randy Orton vs. Shawn Michaels
Young Cocky Arrogant, Legend Killa Orton is the best Orton uses speed and power to totally knock Shawn off his game, Orton also connects with his mid-card amazing punches but once he gets cocky that allows Shawn to fight back. Shawn tunes up the band early but Orton bails to the floor, Shawn doesn’t get suckered in into the cat and mouse game and main in control after the chase. Orton would later use Shawn own momentum against him and sends him to the floor, Orton targets the lower back ramming it into the apron. Back in, Orton kinda forgets about it and just goes to the chinlock rest hold. Shawn would fight out and hit his usual comeback flying forearm, atomic drop but Orton shoves him into the ref and connects with the Randy backbreaker. Orton head to the floor and Coach gives him a chair. Orton sets up the chair seated and he goes to do the triple h side walk slam but Shawn turns the tide and does it to him before hitting him with sweet chin music for the win. Good match, really short and felt a bit rushed. **1/2

Shane is eating dinner when KANE walks in wearing all back. WHAT? Shane says whoever gets thrown into the ambulance this Sunday will not be coming back, Shane tells him he has lost all emotion and will have no remorse towards him. KANE asks how’s his mother Kane says he still can hear Linda screaming and can still hear the thud her skull made when he dropped her onto the steel; and since their being so open the reason he electrocuted him was to make sure he could never start a family and wanted him to think of him. Kane says for all Shane's bravado and guts; he can't stop pure evil. Shane calls him pathetic and a son of a bitch, he says Kane is afraid of living in the real world everyone knows it especially his brother. This Sunday at Survivor Series I’M GONNA PUT YOU OUT OF TOUR MISERY!

The Dudley Boyz vs. Scott Steiner & Mark Henry (w/Theodore R. Long & Stacy Keibler)
This wasn’t good at all.

Backstage: Stone Cold and Eric have pretty much the exact same promo they had backstage with Austin having to know trust 5 guys.

Backstage: Chris Jericho snaps at one of the stagehands for giving him the water he asked for 15 minutes late and it’s not even cold. Trish asks what that was. He says he's all stressed out about tonight and Survivor Series, and she says he can talk to her about it. Jericho asks her out on a date, and Trish accepts for tonight.

SURVIVOR SERIES HYPE!
The Undertaker v. McMahon
Tajiri vs. Jamie Knoble (GET WELL SOON KNOBLE)
Team Angle vs. Team Lesnar
Goldberg vs. Triple H
Shane McMahon vs. KANE
Lita vs. Molly Holly
Team Austin vs. Team Bischoff

Booker T is reading a WWE book when Heidenreich comes in and starts geeking it up, their is a knock on the door and Heidenreich opens it. He says no one was at the door but this note was stuck to the door it read “I STILL REMEMBER” Booker says he ain't got time for this because he has a match.

Booker T vs. Chris Jericho
This never got a chance to get going, back and forth moves with good bumping but then it just ends when Booker botches his cradle out of the corner that wins the match. After the match, Jericho jumps him and the rest of Team Bischoff join in, Team Austin makes the save and cleans house. The Dudleyz then hit coach with the 3D

KANE/SHANE HYPE!

Goldberg vs. Batista
This is super fun for 2 minutes until Triple H runs down to clip Goldberg's knee for a DQ. Triple H hits him with the Pedigree, and he brings a chair and the sledgehammer in the ring. He wraps the chair around Goldberg's ankle and holds the hammer up, but Goldberg low blows him and on one leg spears Triple H, he grabs the sledgehammer and nails Batista in the mid-section with it allowing Triple H to bail out.

 

[Crippler]

WWE Smackdown 11/13/2003
East Rutherford, New Jersey

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE U.S. Champion: The Big Show
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Basham Brothers
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri

Kurt Angle vs. Nathan Jones
Matt Morgan comes out with Jones, but Nick Patrick being the fine official that he is, sends him to the back making this a 1on1 match. Kurt tries to use his speed to combat Jones power but that doesn’t work so Kurt plays into Jones game of brawling; kinda weird that Kurt didn’t try to break him down and out wrestle him but It’s a Kurt carry match so whatever. Kurt goes on to be Lucha Kurt by flying all over the ring, as cole makes a great point that the only weakness he can see in Team Brock is the inexperience of Jones and Morgan. Jones is shit and his big man offense is terrible, thankfully it doesn’t last long and Kurt busts out the Angle Slam out of nowhere and locks in the ankle lock but Matt Morgan runs down for the save. Post-Match: Fuckin’ Hardcore Holly is back, and he straight up murders Jones and Morgan with steel chair shots to the head. He grabs the mic and calls out Brock saying he’s waited 13 months.

Backstage: Holly tries to intimidate Heyman into giving him Brock, Heyman says he will suspend him if he doesn’ calm down. Heyman says he’s not even cleared yet. Holly tells Heyman to tell Brock what happened to him is what's going to happen to the WWE champion at Survivor Series.

Backstage: Sable and Vince are in Vince’s office when Sable is reading the WWE Unscripted book; Vince says deep down in his soul he knows he is protected by this higher power, but last night he had this dream but his brain was alive. He was buried alive and maggots kept eating him alive, and finally, he was able to get rid of them out of his body but they again started eating him and so on. Vince then says he finally woke up and looked down and saw he shit himself WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?!?!

Jamie Knoble comes out and grabs the mic, he says Hardcore Holly had the right idea. He doesn’t want to wait he then calls out Tajiri. He comes out with Akio and Sakoda, and Jamie fights all three until it turns into a 3 on 1. Rey Mysterio runs down, and he and Noble clean house as we go to a commercial

Akio & Sakoda vs. Rey Mysterio & Jamie Noble
During the break Cole lets us know Heyman set this up, this was alright nothing special. Akio and Sako’s heat on Rey was alright. IDK not much to say really it was just good. The match would end when Tajiri who ran to the back when Rey came out, makes his return to ring-side; Knoble makes his hot tag and cleans house but Tajiri kicks him in the back allowing Akio to pin him. **1/2

Backstage: Eddie and Chavo are psyching themselves up for the tag team championship when a police officer enters the room, HOLY SHIT IT’S DARREN YOUNG! Wait, it’s a bald Darren Young. Wait I don’t want to sound like a racist. This is Darren Young, right? Anyway, he informs Eddie of an accident that happens to his wife’s sister back home in El Passo. Eddie says he has to go, and Chavo asks about the match. Eddie yells at him for thinking about the match, and Chavo says he's right, and he'll try to take care of it.

Backstage: Chavo tells Paul about what just happen and he asks to postpone the match until Survivor Series. Heyman says on Smackdown family comes first The Bashams come up and complain and say they want a match. They challenge Chavo to fight them, unless he's not as tough as uncle Eddie, so Chavo immediately accepts.

In a pre-tape, The Undertaker is in a graveyard he says it’s been a long time since he’s been here. There’ a part of me that never wanted to come here again, he says this is on Vince and since he was the one that brought him here, he’s gonna have to pay.

The Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua) vs. Chavo Guerrero
This was clearly not on the level of the Eddie match, but that’s because Chavo is inferior to Eddie in every way. It’s still not a bad match though. Chavo gets the better early but the numbers catch up to him eventually. The FAGHAM still suck but they’ve finally added some tag team double teams and do a good job cheating, so I applaud them for that. Chavo’s comeback is meh but the Faghams use twin magic and Danny cradles Chavo for the win. Post-Match: 3-1 beatdown on Chavo. **1/2

Backstage: The Bashams thank their friend DARREN YOUNG! For pretending to be a cop, HOLY SHIT IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! The faghams like to get spanked by a woman who looks like a man and Darren young is gay. HOLY SHIT! HEYMAN IS A BOOKING GENIUS!

Bradshaw vs. A-Train
This was good, really good. It’s just two big guys beating the shit out of one another. Fuck the rest holds fuck the slow methodical big man offense, it’s just beat the shit out of you, then we brawl then you take over. The match ends when Bradshaw kicks out of the Derailer and then nails him with the Clothesline from Hell for the win. **3/4

Backstage: Chris Benoit and Kurt Angle are talking; Benoit says he thinks Kurt has lost his damn minding picking him to be his partner tonight, and to be the 5th man at survivor series. Benoit says he's made a career on tearing them down, and says that he can't be trusted. Kurt says the same can be said about both of them, and they're going to get along to win at Survivor Series, and that's why the 5th man is who he is. The camera zooms out and its JOHN CENA! Cena says that the only reason he's with Kojak and gap tooth here is to get at Team Sasquatch. Cena walks off, and Benoit says if he tries anything, he'll take Cena's head off, and come back for Kurt's.

Backstage: Sable brings in a priest to see Vince Vince does his creepy voice trying to intimidate the priest, Vince offers him a seat and says of all people Sable is the one to bring a priest to help him. Vince questions how he will help him. They pray together and Vince cuts him off wonder if he always prays with his eyes open or is just mesmerized by his presence Vince again cuts him off and says he thinks they should pray on their knees together. For a 3rd time Vince cuts him off saying he doesn’t feel it, and asks him to pray harder as the priest prays Vince bust out the muttley laugh and says he’s praying for the wrong man, he should be praying for the Undertaker.

ERNEST “THE CAT” MILLER Is coming

John Cena & Chris Benoit vs. The Big Show & Brock Lesnar
Cean and Brock start and it’s good, Cole makes another amazing point that the WWE champ is the smallest on his team and he’s built like a brick house. Early 2000’s Cole was great, I miss that guy. BENOIT/BROCK interactions, but it’s short because Brock keeps backing Benoit into his own partner and Cena would blind tag in Brock sorta fearing Benoit IT HAPPENING SOON! Show and Brock iso Cena with the crowd chanting subway at show which pisses him off and he chokeslams Cena as we go to break, once we return Brock and Show continue to iso Cena working on the back, chest and mid-section area. Benoit’s hot tag against Brock is amazing and Brock being the amazing man that he is during a Benoit German he looks like he wants to do the belly bump on it but doesn’t fully and lands on his neck and shoulder. IT’S HAPPENING SOON! Benoit keeps knocking Show off the apron frustrating him which leads to Brock dropping him throat-first onto the top rope. The heel team now work on Benoit as the subway chants get louder and Show gets more violent Show and Brock work on the once broken neck of Benoit with Show doing power moves and Brock trying to rob Benoit of his air with the rear naked choke. Benoit’s comeback against Brock ruled, they even do the false tag as Show distracts the ref so the tag isn’t seen YES! Brock out of desperation connects with a DDT but both men are dead tired, Benoit finally makes the tag and Cena cleans house on both Show and Brock; the match breaks down with Benoit locking in the crossface on Brock but at the same time Cena counters out of the chokeslam with a low blow and the steel chain punch on Show to pin him. Great fuckin’ match, and good way to set up future matches and feuds. *** - ***1/4

 

[Crippler]

WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar
WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rob Van Dam
WWE U.S. Champion: The Big Show
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Basham Brothers
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Tajiri
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly

WWE Survivor Series 2003
Dallas, Texas

Traditional Survivor Series Match: Team Angle (John Cena, Chris Benoit, Bradshaw, Hardcore Holly & Kurt Angle) vs. Team Lesnar (The Big Show, A-Train, Nathan Jones, Matt Morgan & Brock Lesnar)
Holly bum rushes Brock during his entrance and the match has turned into a brawl, Holly shoves a ref and the ref DQ’s him. Back in the ring, Train misses the Vader bomb and Bradshaw nails him with the clothesline from hell eliminating him. Show comes in immediately chokeslamming him and Bradshaw is eliminated Team Brock begins to isolate Cena, but Cena fights back and gets two close school boy near falls on Brock. Cole then lets us know that Tajiri/Knoble was moved to heat and Tajiri won. Team Brock continue to work on Cena until Benoit tags in and me get Benoit/Brock goodness IT’S HAPPEN SOON! Brock out of desperation hangs Benoit up on the top rope and follows up with a clothesline. Team Brock now work over Benoit, show applies the abdominal stretch is made to look violent due to Benoit’s yelling selling and just the size difference. Cena and Angle has had enough of Brock’s team cheating so we get this fun little 30 second brawl before everyone calms down, that allows Benoit time to break Morgan down and hot tags in Kurt. Kurt cleans house, as he avoids a Jones boot and he wipes out Morgan allowing Kurt to angle slam Matt Morgan eliminating him. Kurt goes for another Angle slam on Jones but he sees Show coming and avoids show leading to Show clotheslining Jones. Kurt throws show out and applies the Ankle Lock to Jones and he has no choice to tap lol at your “potential” two monster guys getting beat clean. Brock then comes in and F5’s cutting and pins him for the elimination. Benoit/Cena vs. Brock/Show. More Benoit/Brock goodness, and Benoit begins to target Brock arm for the crossface; Benoit keeps trying to apply the crossface and on the 4th attempt he does and BROCK TAPS! Benoit does this amazing flying headbutt to show who was out on his feet He then tries to apply the crossface but Show shoves Benoit into Cena who blind tags in, Show has Benoit by the throat and chokeslams Benoit but Cena nails Show with the chain and picks him up for the FU and the win. Good stuff, but far too rushed. **1/2 - **3/4

Backstage: Vince walks into Shane locker room; he says wanted to let Shane know how he’s feeling. It’s father and son facing the two brothers. It must have been fate, he says he’s feeling protected by a higher power and asks if Shane is protected. Shane says he feels sorry for him. Vince then leaves and bumps into Austin who laughs at him and leaves.

WWE Woman’s Championship: Lita vs. Molly Holly
Lita hits all he moves she can think of in the early moments but she goes to one high risk too many and Molly shoves her to the floor below. Molly begins to work on the once broken neck, Lita has a nice comeback as she no-sells all the neck work. She would hit this sweet looking powerbomb for a near fall and heads up top for the moonsault that misses. Molly then heads up and hits the Molly go around for two. I forgot how awesome that move was. Molly’s pissed and removes the middle turnbuckle but Lita rolls her up for two. Molly then sees Lita charging in and uses her own momentum against her and she sends Lita face first into the exposed steel for the win. Meh. *3/4

Ambulance Match: Kane vs. Shane McMahon
So yeah this was terrible and predictable, they brawl on the floor early and within minutes Shane does he elbow drop from the top turnbuckle through the Spanish announce table. Kane sits up after 6 seconds and they run to the back, Shane outsmarts Kane which doesn’t seem too hard to do but he then backs a truck into Kane who goes through a security booth Shane calls for another ambulance to be backed in. Shane tries to pull Kane on top of a stretcher but KANE is faking it, he grabs Shane by the throat and begins to throw him into a wall, and the camera outs out they brawl to the entrance way by the original ambulance. Both guys use the ambulance as a weapon and tease both men getting thrown in until Shane hits a tilt-a-while DDT on the floor, Shane fins a trash can uses it to smash Kane’s brains in. But Shanes not done he grabs an empty box and uses it to place on Kane leg “trapping it”, it’s just a black cardboard box. Anyway, Shane does the coast-to-coast wiping out Kane. He then lifts up Kane dead weight and places him in the back of the ambulance but Kane drags him in with him. Kane finally has had enough and rams Shane’s back into the side of the ambulance before finishing him off with a tombstone on the floor, he then drags Shane dead broken body into the Ambulance for the win. So long Shane, see you in 3 years. Kane did come out looking strong as he took all of Shane big moves and kept coming back for more. **1/2

Backstage: Josh Mathews is interviewing Brock Lesnar, Brock says he didn’t lose. Josh tries to call him out on it saying he tapped out. Brock says he didn’t tap out and he didn’t lose, he says line anyone up in the fricken world and he will beat them single handily because he is the WWE Champion…. But Goldberg walks up to him, he says it nice to meet him.

Johnathan Coachman comes out wearing a neckbrace after the 3D on RAW; Coach says he knows everyone is concerned about is well being. But he’s here to let everyone know he’s okay. He thanks everyone for the support. Coach then goes to leave but he sees Mark Cuban in the crowd, he says he’s got sometimes can he have a quick interview. He asks Cuban what he’s looking forward to the most and Cuban says he’s looking forward to Austin beating Eric’s ass, Coach tries to troll Cuban about refs and Cuban says all refs suck. Eric then comes down and invites Mark into the ring for this interview, Eric says he rented this building to tonight this is his building so he can make security take him out or do it himself, and Mark Cuban shoves down Eric, but Randy Orton runs down and drills Mark with the RKO! FUCK YES!

Backstage: Evolution is with some whores and Triple H takes his shirt off for the thots, but Flair being the adult of the group WAT! says we can’t have the game being weak at the knees already. They then toast and Triple H says tonight is a just formality. Orton comes rushing in and brags about taking out Mark Cuban, and he says he’s got something in store for AUSTIN.

WWE Tag Team Championship: The Basham Brothers (w/Shaniqua) vs. Los Guerrero’s
Bashams putting that title money to good use because they’ve added this dominatrix vest looking thing in their entrance gear. Eddie and Chavo come out in a low rider but no hydraulics and no smiles it’s all games once you try to bring the Guerrero family into it. All 4 men brawl in and out the ring, but it’s the Guerrero’s who take the fight to the champs early hitting all their signature spots, Eddie then gets caught after Chavo has the ref distracted. They hang Eddie up on the top tope, they throw Eddie to the floor allowing Shaniqua to run interference. Back in, they iso Eddie for like a minute before Chavo has this okay hot tag but a double flapjack puts an end to that. The match breaks down, with Eddie getting thrown to the floor but Chavo holds his own for the time being until the numbers catch up to him. Shaniqua distracts the ref long enough for twin magic to happen, Guerrero’s have had enough of her and Eddie hits the Frog-Splash on her, Chavo then spanks her as the Bashams take Eddie out allowing Danny to roll Chavo up for the three. It’s alright, seemed to be a bit rushed. I would have preferred to see this on Smackdown where they would have gotten more time to tell the story more. **1/2 - **3.4

Traditional Survivor Series Match: Team Bischoff (Chris Jericho, Mark Henry, Christian, Scott Steiner w/Eric Bischoff, Theodore R. Long, & Stacy Keibler) vs. Team Austin (Booker T, The Dudley Boyz, Rob Van Dam & Shawn Michaels)
You know the stipulation by now if Austin’s team wins the no contact rule is lifted and he can raise as much hell as he wants, but it Eric team wins Austin is no longer co-gm and Eric gets 100% of Raw back. This is a tale of two matches, the first just being a regular match and then it turns into something epic. Almost everyone gets ring-time to start with no quick elimination fuckery; it’s a slow build as the match breaks down after Booker T tag, but Scotty low blows Booker and applies the camel clutch but Stacy gets on the apron and distracts Scotty. That allows the Dudleyz to hit the inverted 3D. Booker then finishes him off with the Bookend and the elimination, 10 seconds later Booker tries a crossbody but Mark catches him and hits the world’s strongest slam for the pin. 4/4 now. Mark looks amazing as he just runs over RVD and the Dudleyz with ease but he makes one mistake and walks into a 3D and an RVD 5-star-frog splash from RVD eliminating him. RVD/Jericho and Orton is a good time; Orton absolutely kills RVD with a clothesline. RVD tries to go for a Frog Splash but Jericho punches RVD off hanging him up on the top rope and he stumbles into an RKO for an elimination. D-Von/Orton has a good exchange and so does D-Von/Jericho, D-Von runs into Jericho’s Swinging Sleeper Slam eliminating him. I just realized it took Shane 10 minutes to finally get tagged in Orton/Jericho isolate Shawn for a bit but Randy misses a dropkick and Bubba tags in he cleans house, as Christian bumps like a mad man for him, Shawn is just casually chillin on the apron and watches as Christian, Jericho, and Orton all beat on Bubba Bubba goes for the Bubbabomb on Jericho but Jericho low blows him and Christian finishes him off with the unprittier YES!

NOW THE REAL MATCH BEGINS! It’s Shawn vs. Christian/Orton/Jericho. Christian/Shawn is good like really good, until Jericho low bridges the top rope sending Shawn to the floor for an Orton/Jericho double team. Orton distracts the ref allowing Christian to catapult Shawn into the ring post and Shawn busts out this amazing blade job, puddles of blood on the floor, it’s pouring out his head an onto Christian arms who does the Shawn pose and looks totally like a CLB doing so Shawn has this amazing heart as he throws these amazing punches and punches his way out of the unprittier and suckers Christian in and he runs into sweet chin music pinning him. Jericho runs in and begins to beat on Shawn, Orton comes in and is aggressive af as he’s beating on Shawn he yells “BLEED! BLEED! BLEED! YOU SON OF A BITCH” but out of desperation Shawn locks in a sleeper but Orton counters with a back suplex and tags in Jericho, Shawn gets this 2nd wind but the numbers catches up to him, Jericho hits a bulldog but gets the knees up during the lionsault, Jericho ducks the superkick and tries to lock in the walls of Jericho, but Shawn uses Jericho momentum against him and rolls him into a cradle to pin Jericho. It’s down to Orton and Michaels, Jericho is pissed and he grabs a steel chair. He whacks Michaels in the head and flips out Austin as he heads to the back. Orton slowly crawls back into the ring and covers Shawn for two, Orton heads up top for the crossbody but Shawn dodges and the ref gets whipped out. Shawn being the bloody mess slow to get to his feet tunes up the band but Eric kicks Shawn and AUSTIN LOSES HIS SHIT! He beats up Eric and nails Orton with a stunner. Austin drags Eric to the back, as Shawn is crawling to an out Orton but Batista runs through the crowd and Batista bombs Shawn and Orton covers for three. Austin runs out and is shocked as Shawn on the mat, Austin slowly climbs back into the ring as he has words with Shawn who is still goat selling on the mat. Shawn says he’s sorry, as Austin helps him to his feet. They shake hands and have words as Shawn keeps saying “I’m Sorry, I Let You Down” Austin and Shawn walk to the back. This might be my favourite Shawn performance ever, this or the HIAC match with Taker. ***1/2 - ***3/4

Stone Cold Steve Austin’s music his and Austin comes back out; He grabs the mic as he looks down at the stained mat with Michaels blood all over it. He says he started his career in 1989 right here in Dallas, Texas. And I wasn’t looking forward to ending tonight, but if it’s gonna end. It only right it ended here in Dallas, Texas. He then says he appreciates everyone in this crowd has done for him. Austin then says he loves the SHIT out of you guys…. But here comes coach singing Na Na Na Oh Coach has security with him, he says he's here for that post-match interview Austin wanted. Coach says he’s got one question, how does it feel to be through and Austin hits him with the Stunner. He lays out the security and throws them out, and pulls Coach back up. He hits Coach with another Stunner and drinks some beer. He leaves cans of beer in the ring in tribute and walks out for the last time.

Buried Alive Match: The Undertaker vs. Vince McMahon
Taker doesn’t come out with a bike it’s all business tonight, Vince has his hands locked as in he’s praying no joke Taker punches Vince with a right hand and Vince is already busted open lmao he makes Shawn blade job look like shit this one is just gushing not as bad as his match with Zack but is just flowing Taker then just proceeds to beat the shit out of Vince with his goat punches, he methodically stalks Vince and pulls him balls first into both ring posts, before beating the shit out of him around ring and Vince is just bleeding everywhere it’s so bad it looks like you know when you’re lost and you leave a trail of stones to find your way back well Vince’s blood is everywhere so you can see the steps he’s made In getting his ass kicked. Taker goes to the grave and picks up the shovel, comes back and absolutely kills Vince the sound is sickening but glorious. It’s on par with Shawn’s chair shot from Mania 22; HOLY SHIT Taker does the callback spot to 1998 with Taker crushing Vince's ankle with the steps. Taker finally decides this is enough and he picks up Vince and proceeds to carry him to the grave, Vince with his one offensive move throws dirt in Takers eyes and Low blows him. He whacks Taker with the shovel sending him into the grave, Taker fights out and throws him in and tries to climb into the loader but pyro and fire strikes, but Kane attacks! He throws Taker into the grave, and Vince gets in the machine to dump dirt down on Taker to win.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Triple H (w/Ric Flair) vs. Goldberg
JR lets us know Triple H is 0-5 in title matches at Survivor Series; they brawl before the bell even rings and Goldberg spears trips, Flair tries to get him some but is taken out with ease. Goldberg is in full control early as trips does his best Flair impression of bumping all around the ring. Goldberg goes for a press slam but his ankle gives way and Triple H turns his Flair impression up 100 on working it, he does the thing I miss most when taking over the heat he uses a steel chair and nails it onto Goldberg’s ankle which was laying on the steel steps. The sound is hilariously loud and Earl pretends like he never heard a thing Flair now gets involved and slams Goldberg’s ankle into the ring-post. The work on his ankle was reasonably okay it’s not as vicious as I’ve seen from Trips in the past or future but at least Flair involvement made it better, Goldberg's selling was great. They kind of shitty transitioned into a finishing run from the ankle work, Triple H first nails Goldberg with a pair of brass knuckles for two. He then tries to bring in the sledgehammer but is cut off and Goldberg grabs it, he nails Flair with it then Batista and then Orton. Goldberg blocks a pedigree and picks up the hammer again but instead He tosses it out, and hits Trips with a Spear and Jackhammer to win. This wasn’t bad and it totally wasn’t passable either, I just can’t wait till this is over. **1/2

 

[Keith]

The battle of sexes was one of the best feuds of late 03 for me. I know Coach's heel turn wasn't to everyone's liking but I enjoyed it and it freshened up his character no end. I even enjoyed tuning in to Heat to listen to his cockiness! Small mencies from a pretty rotten year on the whole.

 

[Crippler]

WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Goldberg
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rob Van Dam
WWE World Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
WWE Women's Champion: Molly Holly

WWE RAW 11/17/2003
Beaumont, Texas

The show opens with Eric Bischoff spray paints over Austin's photo in the GM office; we then get a video package of Austins run to the promo he cut after the Survivor Series match.

In the ring, the camera is zoomed in on the two beer cans that Austin left in the ring, Bischoff with Team Bischoff behind him to welcome us back to solely Eric Bischoff's Raw! He stomps on the cans and gloats that Austin is gone for good Bischoff says he's going to show his thanks by giving each member of the team a favor of their choice, for anything they want at any time. But here comes Triple H along with Ric Flair and Batista. Hunter congratulates Eric and says it’s great to see him in charge again, but Eric and says speaking of those favors, if not for Orton and Batista, and thus, Evolution, Austin would still be here. Eric says he gets it, and says he can have a title shot whenever he wants. Triple H says that’s awfully whitty of him, then turns to Mark and Teddy and says no offense I should point out Mark and Teddy are in all white outfits Triple H says Goldberg doesn’t respect the rules and doesn’t respect him or Eric. He says Goldberg cheated by using a sledgehammer. Triple H then covers the mics and begins talking to Eric about something, Eric likes it, and books Goldberg vs. Triple H/RandyOrton/Batista tonight.

So Flair has used his favor to challenge Rob Van Dam for the IC title tonight.

Booker T vs. Mark Henry (w/Theodore R. Long)
This fuckin’ ruled Booker uses quickness and smarts to combat Mark brute power and ruthlessness. Booker’s bumping is insane, he even does the inside out bump on a clothesline. He dies on every bump and even makes a fuckin’ neck vice (my 2nd heated move ever after the bear hug) look vicious. Booker's comeback is great as he uses his long legs and strikes take Mark off his feet, amazing counter as Booker goes for a leg lariat but Mark catches him and running power slams him for two. Booker gets a schoolboy out of the corner with his feet on the ropes to win. **3/4 - ***

La Resistance vs. Mark Jindrak & Garrison Cade
Cade says he’s sick of these French guys crap and dedicates this match to the troops. This was short and straight to the point, French fucks have the usual shitty heat segment that goes for about a minute and accomplishes nothing. Cade has a nice little hot tag and ends the match with some Elevated Dropkick double team move for the win.

Backstage Tommy FUCKIN’ Dreamer is talking to Shawn Michaels, wait Tommy is still on the roster

JR and Jerry Lawler talk about how much they miss Austin, well JR does. He then interviews Michaels but Eric cuts it off and says theirs no need for this. Michaels then says Austin and he were never friends, but over the last few months, he got to know Austin better. They both love this business but to Eric, this is just a job. He then blames Eric for taking away the one thing Austin loves the most in this world wrestling, but Eric says NO! think about the truth, he wasn’t the one that got beat. Shawn Michaels was, Eric tells him to go home and look in the mirror because he’s the one to blame. He says he has nothing for Shawn tonight and has him escorted out.

Recap of Shane/Kane from last night. Lawler announces Kane will be a special guest of Mr. McMahon's for The Undertaker's eulogy on Smackdown.

Backstage: Test says Scott did a great job getting them this tag title match tonight, Scotty says it his favor for what he did last night, he had Bubba where he wanted him so it’s a little personal. Test says Scott's free from his contract now and says if Stacy does what she's told, they'll be tag champions.

RVD is warming up.

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Rob Van Dam vs. Ric Flair
During RVD’s introduction, the ref tells him per Eric request, the five-star-frog splash has been banned for the match. Randy joins commentary, yeah! This was like 4 to 5 minutes and was all filler crap. These two don’t have any chemistry at all together. RVD doesn't bother selling anything at all, thankfully Orton comes does his amazing RKO from the top turnbuckle for the DQ. Post-Match: Orton picks up the IC title and nods his head. *1/4

Backstage: Coachman sees Hurricane and Rosey and says’s this S.H.I.T they have going on is never going to fly, he then walks into Eric office. Eric Bischoff announces that since Raw is in Utah next week and it's such a boring place, RAW ROULETTE! will return.

The Highlight Reel is set up in the ring, with Jericho in it Jericho gloats about he being the one to get rid of Austin, he said even though Orton got the pin. He was the one to start up the protest. He was also the one that nailed Shawn in the head with the steel chair sealing Austin’s fate. He introduces his guest tonight….Lita; Jericho says he feels so bad for her, she had a neck injury and became so close to being the woman’s champ. Lita says she didn’t come out here to be insulted by a jackass like him. Jericho says she's got the wrong idea here, but he knows someone in the back that can bring her UP! Jericho says it's someone who's SD contract just ran up and is returning, it's Matt Hardy. They hug, and Matt teases proposal, but Molly Holly comes out to ask why this is happening when she actually won last night. Jericho offers a match of Matt & Lita vs. Molly and a partner, and Molly picks Eric Bischoff.

Backstage: Molly explains to Eric that they could end Lita like he said last week. Eric accepts but adds a stipulation. If they lose, Lita gets a title shot at Molly, but if they win, Lita is fired and will stay fired without Austin here to hire her back.

WWE World Tag Team Championships: The Dudley Boyz vs. Scott Steiner & Test (w/Stacy Keibler)
This is pretty terrible everyone is washed but poor innocent Stacy; Bubba/Scotty interactions are hilarious. Stacy refused to help Test, and he gets the 3D’d and pinned.

Backstage: Matt and Lita are talking, Matt leaves as Trush enters and they wonder if Matt will propose.

Matt Hardy & Lita vs. Eric Bischoff & Molly Holly
This is not a mix tag match, it’s now an intergender match so man can beat up woman etc. Molly and Lita do things for like a minute, Matt refuses a tag, and Eric rolls her up for the win. MATTITUDE V.1 Post-Match: Matt berates her for being selfish and not joining him on Smackdown when she was fired the first time. HOLY SHIT LOGIC THAT MAKES SENSE! He yells at her for putting her career ahead of their relationship, and that's fine because he's dumping her.

A Val Venus/Rico match happen, I didn’t watch.

Backstage: Christian tells Lita that he used his favor to get her job back, and she thanks him. He says she's had a bad day, so they should go talk about it, and they walk off. CLB MAKING CLB moves

Backstage: Evolution are getting ready for their match, Orton says he cashed in his favor and at Armageddon, he will be facing RVD for the IC title. Triple H says that all cool, but tonight we are gonna take Goldberg out he doesn’t care he wants the 1.2.3

Backstage: Chris Jericho bumps into Trish, Trish asks Jericho about setting up that match. He denies knowing that Matt would do what he did, he wouldn't disrespect her friend like that. He says he wouldn't jeopardize their connection and says he can't stop thinking about her. He then makes out with her JeriGOAT!

Evolution (w/Ric Flair) vs. Goldberg
This got about 5 minutes and was below average, felt rushed and no one looked like they were trying. Match ends with Randy hits Goldberg with the RKO, Batista follows with the Batista bomb and Triple H ends it with the pedigree and pins him FUCK YEAH! 2 PINFALLS OVER GOLDBERG! After the match; Triple H grabs a steel chair but sits on it. He says this isn’t over between them, it’s only over when he says it over between them. And next week he’s cashing in his chips. He and Goldberg for the title. And if he thought it was over between then tonight, wrong again. Triple H then goes to hit him with a steel chair but KANE’s music his and Evolution bail. Kane then picks up Goldberg and chokeslams him.