Hello fellow Smarks from all around the world, it is I, the "Icon".
(What?)] The Texas Rattlesnake.
(What?) The writer of the most talked about, most read wrestling article.
(What?) And YOUR UWF Champion for at least one more day, the "Purveyor of Punk"(backyard wrestling days reference for the win), Chris Dresden!
I know that all of you have been anxiously waiting for me to post this, the Blue Version, and have probably been wondering why I haven't by now, or at least Rey is probably wondering since he marked out on MSN, earning himself the distinction of being my number one fan, at least for the week. Anyhoo, you can thank Angry Birds and Sonic the Hedgehog 4 Episode 2 for delaying your weekly Thursday night fix. Yes, Smackdown is in fact regularly on Thursdays now, which makes all the jokes I made regarding the debut edition being an early show in this week's Red Version obsolete. So, joke's on me there.
Speaking of the Red Version, I didn't include something I normally go over, next week's Raw card. Well, that's because it isn't up yet so that all of us can focus on Starrcade. However, I'm sure that it will appear not long after the Starrcade dust has settled, then we can all get TT'ing for the June 26th edition of Raw, for those of us on the brand, that is. While I'm on the topic of shows people are looking forward to, the status update on Showdown of Dreams is that it is basically in development hell, which means there are plans to do it at some point, but no one knows when.
So we will have to wait and see who won out of Austin and JBL, Dinero and Rock, and the participants of the Hell in a Cell, and watch MVP and Miz stomp the Hardyz since only one side is represented. Also, we must wait to see who it is that is going into the Hall of Fame. I'm not complaining, just giving a status report. Anyhoo, I've kept you guys waiting long enough, let's dive right in! I'm not a doctor but I play one on the internet and this is my prescription for all your wrestling needs, The Dresden Dose!
Smackdown opens up with...wait, something feels different about this show. *Looks over at the user that posted the thread* Gentlemen, if this isn't an invasion, I do believe Cwalker just turned heel. All these weeks of booking the NWO has finally got to him. That or EoR got hurt playing football and the blue brand needed someone to step in, it's probably that one since that's what I was told on MSN. I'm watching you though, C.
Anyhoo, Smackdown opens up with the usual pyro and intro video and whatnot before heading over to "Rowdy" Roddy Piper and Jim Ross so we can be properly welcomed to the show. They allude to the fact that they caught some flack last week for posting an early show(uh oh, someone's shooting) but J.R. turns his focus to hyping the show to come, and the two of them talk about that instead.
The most important thing of note is General Manager Wolfe planning to announce the stipulations for Sunday's 2 out of 3 Falls WHC match. Piper resorts to bathroom humor to get a dig in at J.R., who brushes it off and announces it's time for the first match of the night!
ZACK RYDER VS. BULLY RAY VS. JEFF JARRETT
What's up, Zach, it's me, Blastoise. Not just any Blastoise, I'm the Blastoise, cuz I'm the mascot for Smackdown's version of the Dresden Dose. Fan chosen? You know it, bro! Listen, I know you've got a match going on right now but something upsetting happened the other day, and I just wanted to make sure we could still be broskis. I wanted to learn Fist Pump, but I can only know four attacks, so I'll just stick with Hydro Pump. Hope that's alright, Hydro Pump's just more suited for my type. Oh man, bro, look out for that guitar!
Yes, this week's opener looked promising for the man looking for a United States Championship match, but victory was not to be as Jeff Jarrett unloaded on the Long Island native with his trademark guitar when Ryder wasn't looking. It's good news for Jarrett fans, especially those that enjoy him using the guitar, but it's a sad day for broskis everywhere. When Zach comes to, he'll certainly be coming for revenge. But until he does, your winner in his debut match, "Double J" Jeff Jarrett.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: TODD GRISHAM W/ROB VAN DAM
As Jarrett celebrates his victory, Smackdown heads to the backstage, where Todd Grisham is standing by looking to get a word from Mr. Thursday night himself, Rob Van Dam. As RVD begins to give his thoughts on Starrcade, WHAM! He's attacked with a steel chair at the hands of Batista! The "Animal" absolutely brutalizes the man, enjoying every bit of it, leaving when he feels satisfied enough with the pain he's inflicted. Grisham, having fled at the beginning of the attack, returns to check on Rob, horrified by the very dominating message Batista just sent him in regards to Sunday.
COMMERCIAL ONE
Smackdown's first commercial of the night is a simple statement that expresses SBS' and EoR's liking of Cwalker helping the blue brand. I knew it, heel turn.
RETURN FROM COMMERCIAL: JEFF HARDY VS. REY MYSTERIO
Back from commercial, it is time for the second match of the evening! This match is, hold for hold, what you would expect a Rey Mysterio/Jeff Hardy match to be, minus the Swanton because heel Jeff Hardy doesn't do the high-flying stuff. A valiant effort put forth by Mysterio, but it simply wasn't enough, as a well-timed "Twist of Hate" proved to be the difference maker, sending Jeff Hardy to a victory. So far it's a good night for people named Jeff, and a dominant night for heels. Jarrett won his match, heel. Batista beat down RVD, heel. Hardy won his match, heel. Cwalker helped put together a so far nice show, heel.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: DANIEL BRYAN
Now we find ourselves with another heel in our midst, the "American Dragon" and former Hardcore Champion, Daniel Bryan. Bryan chastises Ambrose for disappointing him, resorting to weapons instead of following the "Code of Honor" they're both familiar with and giving him and the world a wrestling clinic the likes of which has never been put on before. Bryan calls Ambrose a fake, and claims that he's afraid that Bryan will expose him for what he truly is, a coward.
Daniel reminds everyone that this Sunday will be match number three, a contest that both men are heading into with a win and a loss a piece, that it's time to put up or shut up.(Cliche' but true) He asks Dean if he's willing to do what it takes to win, then hypes himself up and explains why he'll win, then ends by telling Ambrose the only word he'll be able to say is "Yes!" when he's asked if Bryan's the better man.
I like how Hoov captures the confidence of Bryan, plays the guy to a tee. That's what makes this feud so great, each man plays their character so well, each man has participated with a slew of TT's, each of them quality stuff. Honestly, I know bigger and better things are in both of their futures, but I'll be sad to see this feud end.
IN-RING PROMO: BATISTA
As Bryan concludes his promo, Smackdown cuts back to the arena, where the entrance music of a man mentioned earlier, a man that's a heel, Batista, is playing as the "Animal" comes out. Batista gets a chair and a microphone, as well as his spotlight as he takes a seat in the chair. Batista lets Bryan have it for cheating to beat him, then expresses his frustration with losing two matches in a row thus far, and goes off about the fans and the guys backstage doubting him and making jokes.
From this he finds his way to Rob Van Dam, and rips him apart with verbal viciousness as cringeworthy as the steel chair attack from earlier, with gratuitous use of the word "frickin'" and claims that Rob is a waste of human life that has never been successful once in his entire career. He reminds everyone of the assault from earlier, claims he is the face of the company, then demands he be given an opponent tonight, vowing not to leave the ring until he gets one.
Batista waits forty seconds, no one comes out, so he throws a fit and then leaves.
If he hadn't attacked Rob earlier, I would've questioned why you didn't book Batista in a squash like Bray Wyatt last week as it would make him look strong heading into Starrcade. Then again, it still couldn't have hurt. Could've made it a recurring theme through the night where Rob gets his revenge later, but this is okay too. Makes people more excited for Starrcade, and makes those that predicted a Batista win more anxious to see him wreak more havoc, while simultaneously making those that predicted an RVD win more pumped to see him kick Big Dave around.
COMMERCIAL TWO
Smackdown's second commercial of the night is the solidification of the heel turn in my book, as it features Raw's official Diva, AJ Lee. Now you've gone too far!
RETURN FROM COMMERCIAL: SHAWN MICHAELS VS. DAMIEN SANDOW
Well, well, stablemates on Raw and opponents on Smackdown, how very interesting. Before the match, Sandow cuts a promo on how he has taken on the task of saving the fans of Smackdown from the deplorable, insult to his passion he deems it to be. After talking himself and his mission up for a moment in a way that only he can, he goes on to denounce HBK as an unworthy opponent and then announces that he is elected not to compete in this match.
As he turns to leave however, General Manager Wolfe appears on the titantron screen. Desmond informs Damien that if he doesn't compete in the match, he will be fired, and that he better get in the ring before he is counted out. After cutting it close with what follows this announcement, Sandow gets in the ring and the match begins. Gotta say I'm surprised by how much Piper talks smack about Shawn Michaels during this contest.
It's a good match, but I'm a bit surprised by how short it is. But, the finish is a stroke of brilliance, reversing Sweet Chin Music into a figure-four leglock. Didn't know Sandow used that, clearly I need to watch more WWE Smackdown. By the way, another heel victory.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: JOSH MATHEWS W/PAUL HEYMAN
After the match is finished, Smackdown returns to the backstage area where Josh Mathews, as Grisham is still hiding from Batista, is standing by with Paul Heyman. When Josh asks where Miz is, Paul tells him he is relaxing in his own private locker room and studying the tape of his first match against Cesaro, looking for weaknesses, that, according to Paul, are high in number therefore easy to spot.
Mathews then asks how confident Heyman is that his client will be victorious and win the European Championship. Paul insults Josh's intelligence and explains that not only should Miz already be champion, but he is very confident that he will win, and announces that he will be speaking on Miz's behalf until the fans learn to appreciate the "Awesome One". Josh asks what if he doesn't win, inspiring Heyman to push him down. Another heel dominating, in case you aren't keeping score.
IN-RING PROMO: JOHN CENA
Things return to the arena as John Cena comes out to the ring to cut a promo. He, unlike Rob, is able to get more than one word out so perhaps the faces' luck is turning around. I doubt it. Cena reminds everyone that Orton re-formed the New World Order and his desire to get to the top of UWF and stay there, not to mention his desire to get rid of the NWO, but he reminds everyone also that he suffered a concussion at the hands of Orton and therefore can't compete tonight. But, he never backs down or quits, so a concussion won't stop him, and as a result, he wants Randy and Christian to come out!
Christian comes out and states first and foremost that he is absolutely disgusted by the fact that he's had to lower himself to Cena's level and appear on Smackdown. That fine will have him feeling even more disgusted, but I'll let Teddy Long cover that when the time is right, playa. Christian berates Cena and explains to him why he is the NWO's first victim, and makes it seem as though things will get physical, only to inform the leader of the Cenation that it will have to wait until Starrcade.
Cena isn't willing to wait as he exits the ring and gives chase to Christian, only to get laid out via a steel pipe at the hands of Randy Orton. The NWO gains momentum heading into Starrcade and chalk up one more point for the heels on Smackdown. I have to believe that with all the abuse Cena has sustained, he's due for a win at Starrcade. But wait, we aren't done with Cena, as Bray Wyatt's comin' ta' get him some, whether Cena's been cleared to compete tonight or not.
Showing that he truly doesn't ever back down, Cena gets ready to go through with the match.
JOHN CENA VS. BRAY WYATT
Despite the beating he just suffered at the hands of Orton, Cena manages to put up a fight and then some, coming close to victory several times throughout the contest. However, as evidenced by Christian denying his request and the assault by the pipe, tonight isn't John's night as Wyatt crashes down on him with a running senton, securing himself the victory.
After the match is over and the announcers play up the brutality that's just occurred, Smackdown returns to commercial.
COMMERCIAL THREE
Smackdown's third commercial of the night is for the impeccable feud between Dean Ambrose and Daniel Bryan, posing the question of who will be the World Heavyweight Champion. It also teases that the feud may not be over on Sunday night.
RETURN FROM COMMERCIAL, BACKSTAGE PROMO: TODD GRISHAM W/DEAN AMBROSE
Back from commercial, Smackdown returns backstage to show us someone else has returned, Todd Grisham! This time he is standing by with Dean Ambrose, who also gets out more than one word without being attacked, so where RVD failed, Dean and John have succeeded. Unless Ambrose gets attacked at the end of his promo, in which case all three men have something in common, they were dominated by heels tonight.
Ambrose plays up the psychologically instability by pretending not to know what Grisham is talking about, before going on to explain why it is that he's going to be the World Heavyweight Champion this Sunday, stating that he's not doing anything to prepare for this match that he doesn't do to prepare for any other match. Beautiful promo, and he wasn't attacked, so Dean Ambrose earns the Face of the Week award for being the only one left unscathed by evil at the end of the night.
TED DIBIASE VS. STING
After the promo is over, Smackdown returns to the arena because it's now time for the maaaaiiiiinnnnnn event, the "Million Dollar Son" Ted DiBiase taking on yours truly, The Stinger. The result of this match turned a few heads and I'll admit, took a bit of the wind out of my sails as I felt I was either being punished for what was perceived as an attempt to bully Prod into a third TT, or being shown my Sting's not up to par anymore. Well, neither was the case, the match was completed before I posted my third trash talk and since EoR got hurt, he was in no condition to rework the match.
Anyhoo, stuff happens I guess, congrats to Prodigy for winning the match. Three Stinger Splashes with an attempted fourth was cool, I will say that.
COMMERCIAL FOUR
Smackdown's fourth commercial of the night is for Tuesday Night Raw, their competition and the other half of what makes UWF so great. Maybe C's a face after all.
RETURN FROM COMMERCIAL: MAIN EVENT SEGMENT
Honestly, this segment speaks for itself. If you want to know what happens, go and read it in the thread for the show. I'm not being a jerk, I'm just saying, it speaks for itself. It's a great segment, I just don't feel I can do it a service by recapping it. I will simply leave it at this. The first fall will be Bryan's specialty, a Submission match. The second fall will be Ambrose's specialty, a Hardcore match. And the third will be a Ladder match, Desmond's choice.
This makes things all the better. I know it'll go to three falls, it has to. Will they make it obvious and Bryan gets the first fall with Dean getting the second, or will they do the unpredictable with each man getting the better of their opponent at their own specialty. Who knows, whichever route they go though, the third one is still anyone's game.
However, Smackdown ends leaving the reader thinking that it'll be Bryan that's victorious. Spoiler alert? Swerve? The answers are coming soon!
OVERALL THOUGHTS
Smackdown's on a positive roll, in my opinion. This edition was very promo heavy, but that's to be expected since it's the go-home show to the pay-per-view. The promos were very strong though so it didn't hurt the quality at all. As I made reference to numerous times, the heels ran roughshaw. Jeff Jarrett, Jeff Hardy, Damien Sandow, Bray Wyatt, and Ted DiBiase all won their matches. Batista attacked Rob Van Dam with a steel chair, Randy Orton attacked John Cena with a steel pipe, Paul Heyman pushed down Josh Mathews, and technically the end of Smackdown revokes Dean Ambrose's Face of the Week award, because he got beat down as well.
All of the faces were defeated by heels in one way, shape, or form tonight. Not sure if that was planned or not, I'd like to think it wasn't. Let's talk Starrcade one last time, shall we?
I am very pleased with the TT'ing session that Lewb and I had, it gave me the same type of challenge as the TT'ing sessions I had with Chriss, which were also phenomenal. I'm enjoying my time at the top, and am doing my very best to be an active champion(trash talking, promos, etc.) and do Raw proud. If Starrcade is the end of my reign, rest assured that I will take the belt right back at the next pay-per-view, whether it's Austin/Barrett, Austin versus Barrett versus MVP or Anderson, or Austin vs. Barrett vs. Austin Aries vs. MVP or Anderson.
But, I don't plan on Starrcade being the end of my reign, far from it in fact. But all I can do is hope the trash talks I put forth were quality enough to retain, the time for fighting is over, and the waiting game is now. In terms of what you, the readers, think is going to be the end result of this match, several of you could not decide, and understandably so. But for those that were able to choose, three of you picked Stone Cold retaining, and none of you chose Barrett winning.
The Randy Orton and John Cena feud is the classic battle of good and evil. Orton, as part of the New World Order, proclaims that he and his stablemates are here to rid UWF of what is wrong with it, while Cena feels he and the NWO are out for their own selfish wants only and
are what's wrong with the UWF. After weeks of the Viper striking at every opportunity, Cena finally got a measure of revenge when he cost Randy his match against MVP.
There are no titles or contenderships at stake, all Randy wants to do is put Cena out of the company and all Cena wants to do is be the man that takes the NWO down a peg or three. It's based on personal disdain, and that's more than enough to make this one feel special. The count for this match is four predictions for Orton, and four predictions for Cena.
Antonio Cesaro should consider himself lucky, because although much of his reign has lasted on the shoulders of his own merit, the fact that he is the champion in this match instead of the challenger is due entirely to someone else, his tag team partner Wade Barrett. The Miz, in a way, could also attribute his stance in this match to someone else. Some could say Paul Heyman's belief in his client made him confident enough to stop simply voicing his disdain and take action.
The Miz and Paul Heyman combo is something that throws me as well, because Paul Heyman is someone suited for a superstar that isn't a strong talker, which The Miz is. However, that's not to say I dislike the dynamic, because if there's one thing I love it's creativity. Not to mention Paul Heyman an active part of the same show as "Rowdy" Roddy Piper is golden opportunity waiting to be seized. The count for this steel cage showdown is two predictions for a new European Champion, and six predictions for a successful defense.
The most personal feud that has ever existed in UWF's brief history, a feud that gives competition to some of UCW's memorable feuds. Daniel Bryan, in my opinion, is Hoov's most successful character to date. Never have I seen him engaged in such a blood feud, I mean I'm the UWF Champion, but everyone's talking about this feud and this match right here. And Captain's Ambrose, easily one of the best characters being played in this fed right now. I wish I was playing Mankind and EoR was playing Raven, because Ambrose/Raven and Ambrose/Mankind would be fantastic feuds if both sides were able to put in the type of trash talking you and Hoov did.
This match has been heralded as the greatest e-fed match that has ever been written. Over eight thousand words, thirteen and a half pages, THAT is Smackdown's main event and it's only been around for two weeks! Can you imagine what the future holds for UWF and its blue brand? This two out of three falls match has one prediction for Bryan, four predictions for Ambrose, and several that simply could not pick a winner.
This match is just as important as the UWF Championship match, because the results of both are each halves of a puzzle, once you fit them together the future for Raw's main event picture will be clear. Both men are hungry for the opportunity, as MVP looks to prove once again why he is the highest paid superstar in the UWF, and Anderson looks to pick up where he left off for the unfinished business he has with the current champion, Steve Austin.
This go-around, there will be no time to compete with, the only man to beat will be standing across from them in the ring. By the way, as Andrew pointed out, I made a mistake when I talked about Albo's past e-fed accomplishments. I got him mixed up with ants, and for that I sincerely apologize. The writing on the wall for this number one contendership showdown reads five predictions for Anderson, and three predictions for Porter.
With Rhodes seizing and destroying his scheduled opponent, the NWO have already claimed one victory for Starrcade. Two men stand against the black and white on Sunday, John Cena when he takes on the leader, and Chris Jericho as he takes on his former tag team partner Christian, who is undefeated since making his way to UWF. Since forming, the NWO have taken on some tall orders, and this match will be no different as Chase is in their crosshairs.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Aniking, RiR, and MrFetter in the same stable is something to reckon with and thus far, when they're a cohesive unit, they've proven to be unstoppable. I'm curious to see whether Chase defeats AK, or the NWO gains another victory. The predictions are in favor of the black and white, as there are six for Christian and none for Jericho.
Batista is a very angry man, which makes this match all the more interesting as Rob Van Dam, who is calm and collected, is the polar opposite of the "Animal", one of the things that irritates Batista. In fact, Big Dave wants nothing more than to shatter Rob against the mat and pick the bones, but with number one contender Wade Barrett barely able to put the high-flyer away, will it be as easy a task as the former Evolution muscle thinks?
Andrew is a talented trash talker, as is Lubaninho, so I know that their match will produce as well as their trash talking session did. I am looking forward to seeing who comes out victorious, because a win for either could be the beginning of ascending the card. The predictions for this one are even with three for Batista and three for Rob Van Dam.
As announced on this week's Tuesday Night Raw, Robert Roode will sign his UWF contract in the middle of the ring for the entire world to see. Will complications arise? What brand will he be appearing on? Who's going to play him? I think I know.
But the great UWF action doesn't stop at Starrcade folks, oh no! Raw, as I made reference to, will return on June 26th, nine days after the pay-per-view because two isn't enough time to post the card, have everyone TT, have everyone promo, write the matches, piece the show together, and have it up on time. So why rush? Because Raw is awesome, that's why! But, the same thing was done for Backlash, so we'll be alright. Especially because Smackdown has opted not to go that route! Just five days after the pay-per-view, UWF will present a Super edition of Smackdown called Heatwave!(Mystery solved)
Now you're wondering the same thing I am, but unfortunately I can't reveal the card. I only know a couple of the matches anyway, but I can't even leak those, I am sworn to secrecy! However, I can tell you that yours truly, for one night only(maybe), will return to match writing for this spectacular show. What match will it be? I don't know yet, but even when I do, I can't tell you, but that's just one more reason to tune in! Something I can reveal, in a Dresden Dose exclusive, is this:
The poster! See it here before you see it anywhere else, folks! The Sting in me is shaking his head at the fact that DiBiase is the superstar featured, but other than that, I'm impressed with what I'm seeing here. And I've been allowed to debut in MY article. There's some perks to being Dres.
I think that's a good note to end on. Be sure to keep your eyes peeled for not only UWF Starrcade, but The Dresden Dose, which, by request, will be the Green Edition when it comes to reviewing pay-per-views. And even though this week's Tuesday edition came on Thursday and the Thursday edition is here on Sunday, I assure you, it will be here on the day of the pay-per-view. I get off work at 3 p.m. so it should be no problem, unless there's something extravagant planned for Father's Day, in which case the Dose will take a backseat to spending time with my Dad. You understand.
So until then, the doctor is out!
Like it, comment, rep. Cuz Blastoise said so.
