Hello, hello, my fellow Smarks, it is Tuesday morning as I begin this article, which means FINALLY, it's time for the most raved about, most talked about, most liked, most viewed, occasionally repped weekly e-fed wrestling article in existence! As always, the man at the helm is yours truly, bringing you Showtime on Friday nights and bringing you to the heart of Texas on Tuesdays, STILL your UWF Champion, Chris Dresden!
The articles being delayed has unfortunately become a trend recently, but life interferes and of course takes precedence, so it's all good. I'm here now and ready to write, and since there will be no Raw this week, I don't have another article that I have to turn around and write. Which is a good thing because this promises to be a massive edition of the Dose with a full review of Starrcade, a rundown of the Heatwave card, and a rundown of next Tuesday night's Raw card.
I've kept you waiting long enough, sooooooooo, I'm not a doctor but I play one on the internet and this is my prescription for all your wrestling needs, The Dresden Dose!
Venusaur: I can't believe this. You were actually going to jump straight from the introduction to the beginning of your thoughts on Starrcade without mentioning the mascot of this edition. Stone Cold talks about getting disrespected, but I don't think he's ever experienced it to this degree. Charizard gets a spotlight, Blastoise even got to talk about a match, but you were going to skim right over me. This is the Green Edition, I was chosen by Cwalker, and you're pissing all over that fact!
Blastoise: Don't be a hater, Venusaur, it's not a good look for you. I got the spotlight I was given because me and Dresden go way back, I was his Starter for Pokemon Blue, and he trained me and built me up until I evolved into what I am today, almost got all 151 Pokemon in that game. Besides, I'm a turtle with water cannons in my shell, what have you got? Petals. I'm the superior Pokemon on the superior edition of The Dose that's a review of the superior show, which is Smackdown.
Charizard: You two make me laugh. Venusaur, you want to represent an edition of the Dresden Dose? Why don't you hit the readers with Sleep Powder now. And Blastoise, please son, Smackdown could add half of Raw's roster onto its own and STILL wouldn't stack up to the red brand. Dresden may have a special place for you in his heart because of your gaming conquests, but he's the man on my show, the UWF Champion, so there's a special place for me there as well, and since it's because of current events, that makes the stake I claim greater.
Alright guys, I've heard enough. It's not about whether Raw's better than Smackdown or Smackdown's better than Raw, it's about appreciating UWF as a whole and everyone that contributes to it. Charizard, Blastoise, you're both just as important to this article as the other one is, and if the fans want Venusaur welcomed aboard as the pay-per-view Pokemon, we're going to give them just that.
Now, as I said earlier...
Blastoise: Yeah, yeah, no one wants to read your lead-in line again, just put the graphic up before I give you a Hydro Stunner.
Charizard: You're such a mark for yourself, Dresden.
Fine...
Starrcade opens up with one last look at the awesome poster before leading into our theme for the night, "From The Inside" by Linkin Park, who are releasing a new album this month, while we're on the subject. We get a shot of the stage and, after the pyro goes off, things are directed over to the commentators, beginning with the introduction of the Raw side, Jerry "The King" Lawler and Michael Cole. He gets a pass this week after shooting on that atrocious Cyndi Lauper/Wendi Richter/Roddy Piper segment last night. Could be a sign that Heath Slater's getting some form of push though, so thumbs up for new stars being created.
Anyhoo, that's WWE, this is UWF. After King and Cole run down the Raw side of things, we are then introduced to the men that will be calling Smackdown's share of the action, one of the men guilty for that horrible segment, "Rowdy" Roddy Piper, and a man that was ridiculed last week on WWE television, Jim Ross. After the standard hi's and hello's are taken care of, it's time for the first match of the night, baby!
Rob Van Dam is out first, which is a decision the high-flyer likely wishes wasn't made, because Batista, staying true to his angry badass role, runs out from the back while Rob is making his way down the ramp, delivering a clubbing blow that sends Van Dam to the ground. Now, I notice two errors here, one of them being Mike Chioda signaling for the belt instead of the bell. I only point this out because I'm a grammar and typo Nazi. Anyway, it makes it seem like Chioda is turning heel and assisting Batista in beating down his opponent when I read he's signaling for the belt. What belt? I dunno, maybe the Undisputed Championship belts Austin discarded, or the Hardcore Championship Wolfe did away with.
The other thing is the bell that rings to signify the beginning of the match goes off prematurely. Batista runs out and attacks Rob during his entrance, then the bell rings. It should say something about Batista rolling Rob into the ring and following after, THEN the bell sounds. It's implied, yes, but these details should be covered in the writing I feel.
But apparently it's not an ordinary match, so I just put my foot in my mouth, but not entirely, because what I said will serve as a reminder to pay attention to detail in the future and not write something like that in a match that has no stipulation. Things waste no time getting brutal as Batista tosses his opponent into the screens of the stage a few times before attempting to throw him off the stage itself!
RVD barely saves himself as he swings around with Spider-Man cunning and ascends the rafter structure to escape Batista, kicking the Animal when he attempted to go after him. Rob then puts his life at risk again as he leaps from the structure, twenty feet up, connecting with a cross body on Batista below! He goes for a pin, but it only counts in the ring, so Van Dam attempts to take things in that direction, but Batista is awake as he throws Rob who reverses it and irish whips Batista off the titantron. Rob goes for a senton to follow up but Batista catches him with a powerbomb to the floor then slams him THROUGH the stage! Wow.
Batista pulls Rob out of the hole he just created, but Van Dam somehow still has some fight in him as he roughs Batista up from where they are to the top of the entrance ramp, and all the way down it until they reach ringside. Rob goes to throw his opponent into the ring, but instead tastes the steel steps thanks to Batista throwing him. Van Dam is further brutalized by being thrown into the barricade, but the Animal averts his focus to rip the steps loose and throw them into the ring, giving Rob an opening as he kicks Batista and whips him into the barricade, laying him over it as he connects with a spinning kick!
Van Dam pulls his opponent down and rolls him into the ring, following after once he places himself in possession of a steel chair. Rob goes for his trademark Van Daminator, but Batista drops the chair and reverses it into a spinebuster on the steel! Beautiful counter. The attempted pin is almost a three but not quite, as the havoc continues. Batista grabs the steel steps and goes after Rob, who this time connects with the Van Daminator!
Rob ascends the top rope and it looks to be his match as he goes for the Frog Splash but Batista is up as he throws the steps at the vulnerable Van Dam, sending the high-flyer crashing and burning to the mat. The Animal scoops Rob up and delivers a spinebuster onto the steel steps, this time getting the pin. Whether this is the beginning of a feud or Batista's on his way to the title shot he's clamoring for, I'm not sure yet. Either way, it's a great start to the pay-per-view and, in a way, helps set the stage for the two-out-of-three falls match later in the evening.
I'll admit that my prediction for this contest was incorrect. Rob had his moments of offense but for the most part, this match was all Batista's.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: CHRISTIAN AND THEODORE LONG
After the match, Starrcade cuts backstage where the "Instant Classic" is standing by with the Raw General Manager, Teddy Long. Christian is there complimenting Teddy, which he sees right through, asking Christian his real intentions. Christian plays it up like he's being genuine, before "cutting to the chase" as he puts it. Christian shows Teddy Long a contract he drew up, telling him that all he has to do is sign it, and after he beats Jericho tonight, he'll get the next shot at the UWF Championship. Teddy refuses to sign it, telling Christian to get out or he'll be suspended. Before Christian leaves, Teddy informs him that he and Orton will be fined for appearing on Smackdown this past week and attacking John Cena, and warns that they'll be suspended if it happens again. Nice promo, I love Aniking's Christian.
RHODES PROMO, TITLE MATCH
Things return to the arena, where it is assumed the next match is going to take place, but instead Cody Rhodes, a man without a match because of what he did to his opponent Brock Lesnar, comes out and asks for his music to be cut. He opens his promo by pointing out all the participants in tonight's title matches have all been beaten by him at one time in their respective careers, yet he was left off the Starrcade card, and he's sick of it. He brings up Lesnar getting injured, showing he's aware of why he's off the card, but is still irritated about having no match, and being overlooked in favor of guys like Steve Austin and Bobby Roode(interesting name drop).
Cody runs through his usual accolades of being the first World Champion and putting a bunch of guys out of the company, then goes to state that no one in UWF is in his league, but he is then interrupted by the music of none other than Goldberg! I'll be honest, the first time I read this, I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. I was so excited and all I could wonder is 1) who's playing Goldberg? and 2) is this a swerve and he's the next member of the NWO? It is not Goldberg, it is instead Gillberg. What follows is a classic heel match with Rhodes toying with his opponent like he's a threat before putting him away. Rey is brilliant in this role.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: ANTONIO CESARO
After the highly competitive United States Championship match, Starrcade returns backstage where Josh Mathews is standing by looking to get a word from the European Champion, Antonio Cesaro. Aksana tries to end the interview before it starts, but Mathews is persistent, which annoys Antonio. Cesaro says his thoughts going into this match are no different from his thoughts going into any other match, he must win, because he's held this belt, one he's held twice before, for three months and must keep it for it to be prestigious. He boasts that no one will ever take his championship away, and asks if the interview is over, leaving before Josh can answer.
As Josh stands there dumbfounded, things return to ringside where it is time for the second official match of the night, Christian vs. Chris Jericho. In this match, the other members of the NWO are banned from ringside, but that's the only stipulation. Disqualifications possible, weapons not allowed, typical singles match fodder, just two guys that dislike each other dueling it out.
Jericho catches Christian off guard by delivering the first blow of the match, a slap across the face, following this up with a dropkick as he goes for the cover. Christian of course kicks out, prompting Chris to return to attacking as Y2J mounts his opponent and begins delivering punches. Jericho uses the ropes to deliver a knee across Christian's throat before going for the pin again, which turns out to be another unsuccessful attempt.
Jericho looks to remain in control as he follows after a fleeing Christian and grabs his arm, looking to suplex him into the ring, an attempt that Christian reverses into a BackStabber as he goes for his first pin attempt of the night, which is unsuccessful. While Jericho's still down, Christian goes to the top rope, jumping off when Chris gets up and connecting with an impressive two revolution Tornado DDT before going for the pin again. But again, Chris kicks out!
Christian waits on Jericho to get up, going for the Killswitch when he does, but Chris reverses it into a Bridging German Suplex and goes for the pin, but Christian kicks out. Both men are up but Chris sends his opponent back down with an enziguiri, following up with a Lionsault and going for another pin attempt. No success.
The match continues this way for a moment with the men exchanging bits of offense and pin attempts, until Christian gets sick of the games and when Jericho leap frogs over him, he sets up for the Killswitch and connects, covering and getting the winning pinfall. I like how back and forth this contest was, one minute Christian was in control and the next it was Jericho, then back to Christian, so forth and so on. With this victory, Christian remains undefeated, and had Teddy signed that contract, he'd be on his way to a title shot.
COMMERCIAL ONE
Starrcade's first commercial of the night is for UWF's next pay-per-view event, The Great American Bash! Cody's the featured superstar on the poster, which could be a sign of things to come. Will he break out on his own or will the NWO only increase in strength and possibly number between now and then? Either way, he'll likely be defending his title that night, I look forward to seeing who it's going to be against.
Back from commercial, it's time for the Steel Cage match, baby! The Antonio Cesaro versus The Miz rematch for the European Championship! I am happy to announce that I was correct with my Spot Call for this match-up, as The Miz delivered the Skull Crushing Finale off the top of the cage. I never guessed that it would be the finish, but I ask you, what other way could they have ended this match and it be more effective? I didn't go as in depth with this match as I did with the others and that's because it's 3:00 a.m. Wednesday morning and I'm trying to finish this thing up. I did enjoy it though, it's easily the most technical match on the card thus far. Congratulations to Got_Swag on winning the European Championship!
BACKSTAGE PROMO: STONE COLD AND MONTEL VONTAVIOUS PORTER
The idea for this promo came about not only because I felt it would be a good way to hype the possibility of an Austin/MVP feud and the number one contenders' match, but because I wanted to show all of you how serious I'm taking being champion. I want to confront all opposition and take on all challengers, make my brand and the guys booking me proud. I am happy to say albo was up for it, and we got a great segment out of it. Originally I was going to end it with Austin slapping MVP, but I'm glad I didn't go with that, slapping either MVP or Anderson wouldn't have made sense unless they were going to interfere in the main event later. Thanks for the help, albo!
AUSTIN ARIES PROMO
He's baaaaack! After sustaining injury at the hands of Randy Orton, Austin Aries is back, and he's firing on all cylinders. He lets Regal have it for things that happened in CWF, which means I am no longer alone in mentioning those days, and for running his mouth and then lets Barrett have it, telling him he's going to lose the UWF Championship match later that night. Aries guarantees he will become champion again before rolling footage of what happened at Backlash when Orton attacked him. He said he will have revenge, and it begins tonight. Aries claims it's "Lights Out" for the NWO. Splendidly done return promo, man, glad to have you back in the mix.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: STONE COLD AND MR. ANDERSON
Couldn't do a promo with albo and not one with Killz, or vice versa. I love Killz's Anderson, been following him since I wrote for him on iMPACT way back when, and I have history with Anderson, except he was being played by Dom while that was going on. And now that we know Killz is the number one contender, the history continues, and this segment is made all the more interesting. It was a lot of fun, Killz, thank you for your contribution. I'm telling you as a friend though, I'm gonna whip your ass at Great American Bash.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: DAMIEN SANDOW
We remain backstage as someone else has something to say, the blue brand's own Damien Sandow, because you can't spell Smackdown without Sandow. Thought of that during an MSN conversation with rawisrey this week, I'm proud of myself. Sandow talks about a few things, mostly how disappointed in what a lack of a challenge Shawn Michaels was, but touches on the main event between Bryan and Ambrose as well, informing us that the Era of Enlightenment will soon be upon us. He tells Striker, "You're Welcome" and walks off.
After the promo, it's time to get back to the action. Following weeks of animosity, John Cena and Randy Orton finally get their hands on each other. I was partially right with my Spot Call, as Orton did in fact deliver a Hangman's DDT onto the arena floor, it wasn't the exposed concrete floor like I predicted however, just the padding. But, I'll take it, it's a cool spot either way. This match is absolutely brutal from start to finish, with both men brutalizing one another to the furthest extent without getting disqualified. The finish comes when, after seeing the RKO won't be enough, Orton delivers the punt kick to Cena's head and covers him for the win.
COMMERCIAL TWO
Starrcade's second commercial of the night is for this Friday's Super Smackdown, Heatwave! More on that show later on in the Dose!
ROCK PROMO
Honestly, with all the returns we've had recently, I thought that this was Slim coming to UWF, so no offense to Hoov, but I was a little disappointed when I found out it wasn't Slim. I'm not a fan of borrowing the Justin Bieber line The Rock himself said, but at least you expanded on it a little. When I skimmed over "Puppy Dog Bitch" earlier, I wasn't sure who it was directed at, now I see it's directed at Austin, which peaks my interest. If Austin/Rock happened here in UWF, it'd have some big shoes to fill since Slim and I had that match at UCW Wrestlemania IV, but I wouldn't be against it. Rock/Sandow and Rock/Bryan would be interesting too, although the latter would mean feuding with yourself.
OUTSIDE PROMO: BRAY WYATT
Going from Rock to Bray Wyatt is an unusual transition, but it works, as you could put a Bray Wyatt promo anywhere on a show and it'd fit. Sam is doing great work in this role, so much so that quite frankly, it's a little intimidating. I hope to see Wyatt and Sandow in a feud someday, oh the TT's that'd produce!
Killz, you said you weren't sure if your Anderson was main event material. Well guess what bro, it is, you're going toe-to-toe with the Rattlesnake soon and we're going to tear the roof off this joint!
BACKSTAGE PROMO: DEAN AMBROSE
As if we the readers couldn't get anymore hyped up for this World Heavyweight Championship match, Dean comes along and does just that, gets us more hyped up. It's been an impressive rise up the card for both of you, Hoov and Captain, the best feud I've seen in quite awhile.
TED DIBIASE, JIM ROSS, HHH PROMO
Prodigy, you were right, this was quite a promo. You excel in your role as the "Million Dollar Son", I really enjoyed this back and forth between you and Jim Ross, which I'm guessing you wrote for as well. Triple H coming out was awesome, especially now that I know he'll be played by Aniking, and the fact that he's the COO adds another dimension to it all. Pretty cool way to set up a match I'll admit, so on the 29th, it'll be Triple H versus Ted DiBiase!
BACKSTAGE PROMO: DANIEL BRYAN
It's 3:45 a.m. and I am so glad that I wrote the stuff for Heatwave and Raw already. I feel bad for growing tired and making my thoughts on things shorter as things go on, but the fact that you still have so much left to read makes me feel better about it. Anyhoo, after the sweet exchange between Ted DiBiase, J.R., and the debuting Triple H, it's time to hear from the other man competing in tonight's main event, Daniel Bryan. Daniel fulfills his role just as Dean did, getting myself and I'm sure all of you as well excited for the two out of three falls match.
TEDDY LONG, CODY RHODES, ROBERT ROODE PROMO
I'll admit I was a bit surprised to see Cody Rhodes again, but that's a testament to the hard work that rey does and how much heart and passion he puts into e-fedding as well as the characters he plays. Rhodes comes out to have it out with Long, but he is interrupted by the debuting Robert Roode, who is being played by EoR in case you didn't know. The two go back and forth and have a heated exchange with Roode seemingly getting the last word but after he leaves, Cody keeps on talking until it's time to deliver his signature line. A nice way to introduce Roode into things, this should be a great feud, if in fact that's the direction we're immediately heading in.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: BATISTA AND DESMOND WOLFE
This might be nitpicking, but why the hell does Batista say, "Oi" in this promo? Batista has never said, "Oi". Anyway, Batista asks if Desmond saw what was done to RVD, and Desmond says he did, and announces that Batista will be one of four challengers in a Scramble Match at the Great American Bash. Congratulations, Andrew!
I was correct in my Spot Call for this match as Stone Cold did in fact apply the Million Dollar Dream. I enjoyed this contest, Barrett going for a Stunner was an interesting spot, but you just can't do it like the innovator, as Wade quickly learned. Lewb, you gave me quite a fight, I was nervous from the time I posted my third trash talk to the time I scrolled down and read the result of our match. People say I won by the skin of my teeth, and you know what, there's a grain of truth to that, you indeed could've walked out with the title, and came very VERY close. Thank you for an awesome trash talking session, bro, it makes my first successful defense all the sweeter.
BACKSTAGE PROMO: WILLIAM REGAL
After the match, things head backstage, where Regal lets everyone know that he is the greatest wrestler in UWF and is disgusted to have been left off the pay-per-view, claiming he will one day win the UWF Championship.
As far as I know, there was no Yes Lock applied using a steel chair for leverage, so I was wrong on that Spot Call. Now, as for reviewing, I cannot do this match justice, I simply can't. Read it, that's all I can say, read it. And if you haven't, thank SBS. Like Starrcade, send him a PM, leave him a visitor message, rep him, all of it. Truly he has penned the best e-fed match ever, for now....
OVERALL THOUGHTS
Starrcade was an absolutely stellar show, Raw and Smackdown truly came together to make not simply a pay-per-view, but an epic. Daniel Bryan and Dean Ambrose conclude their trilogy and each man moves on to their next challenge as far as I know. Wade Barrett has failed for the second time to reclaim his championship, and returns to the back of the line as Mr. Anderson steps up to challenge Stone Cold for the title. The New World Order continues to terrorize the company as they go undefeated for their first pay-per-view as a stable, and the European Championship reign of one Antonio Cesaro comes to an end.
With Cesaro getting a rematch against Miz, Brock Lesnar due a rematch against Cody Rhodes, Anderson the number one contender to the UWF Championship, and the number one contendership to the World Heavyweight Championship soon to be revealed, The Great American Bash is already shaping up to be another blockbuster show. When will the contendership be revealed, you ask? Well...
Blastoise: Alright guys, here's the deal, I know the theme of this Friday night's show is fire based, and it's a bit ironic for me to be running down the card since I'm a Water type, but Smackdown is my show and Charizard gets enough publicity as it is, don'tcha think? It doesn't matter what you think!
Before I get to the card, which is awesome by the way, Friday nights now have two more reasons they're so great. Deuce will be making his return to e-fedding and debuting on Smackdown, whenever it may be, as JTG. And deciding not to be exclusive to Raw, EoR has used his second character privileges, and will be coming to the blue brand as Samoa Joe with Jim Cornette! Very nice pick-ups.
One more thing, Dresden makes a return to match writing this week, so far just for Heatwave. Which match? Well you'll have to wait until Friday to see, unless you've seen the Visitor Message conversation between Dresden and EoR. If that's the case, you already know. Either way, for those of you that have no idea what kind of a match Dres can produce, or those that have forgotten, allow me to present a Dresden Dose exclusive, the Match of the Week!
Warrior wastes no time taking advantage of the rules as he charges at Eddie, cracking him in the face with the Hardcore Championship, knocking him down. Warrior grabs one end of the strap and cracks it like a whip but Eddie rolls out of the way and grabs Warrior's wrist, delivering a kick under the arm, the point of Eddie's boot connecting with his opponent's arm pit. Warrior drops the belt as Eddie catches him across the left side of his face with a stiff right then leaps into the air, bending his legs backward so that when he lands on Warrior's arm, the arm is sandwiched between Guerrero's knees and the mat.
Eddie stands up as Warrior gets to his feet holding his injured arm, the right one, with his left arm, looking angrily at Guerrero. Eddie challenges Warrior to attack by motioning to him and telling him to, "bring it ese'". Warrior, not amused, accepts the challenge and throws a wild right but Eddie leaps to the side to avoid it as the force of the punch causes Warrior to turn around with his back to his opponent. Guerrero grabs him around the waist and brings him overhead with a bridging German suplex, Warrior's legs going over his head in a way that he could see his own toes if he opens his eyes. The referee notices his shoulders pinned to the mat and begins the count.
ONE!
But no!
Not long after the referee slaps the mat to count one, Warrior throws his body straight to break up the situation, Guerrero rolling to the left and catching himself on the mat by putting his hands down as Warrior ends up on his stomach. Both men climb to their feet and are right back at one another's throat as they meet in the middle of the ring for a strictly collar tie-up. Warrior applies pressure to loosen Eddie's grip as he hoists him into the air and brings him crashing to the mat with a sit-down powerbomb, the back of Eddie's head hitting the face plate of the Hardcore Championship. Warrior grabs the side of Eddie's right leg and pushes him away, Guerrero rolling onto his face as Warrior gets to his feet. Warrior brings his hands together into one fist and leaps into the air, bringing his legs together and bending at the lower parts so he crashes down on top of his opponent with the points of his elbows connecting with the top of the spine and his knees connecting with the kidney area. Eddie cries out in pain from this as Warrior grabs his wrists and rolls onto his own back, applying a form of surfboard stretch.
Joey Styles: Very technically contested for an Empty Arena match, wouldn't you say, Roddy?
Roddy Piper: Warrior had the right idea in the beginning, use the belt. Use a steel chair. Hell, use something, I'm falling asleep!
Warrior releases the hold by throwing Eddie to the side and climbing to his feet as he steps through the ropes, bypassing the apron and landing on the outside. Warrior flips up the ring skirt and begins to search for items stowed underneath it that he can use on his opponent. While Warrior searches, Eddie slips out of the ring on the opposite side and begins to walk around it. Eddie ends up behind Warrior and pulls the ring skirt outward and upward, kicking Warrior against the apron and then releasing his hold on the skirt, trapping the Hardcore Champion.
Eddie acts quickly and grabs the upper half of the steel steps, driving it hard into the chest of the Warrior. Warrior fidgets in place in anger, yelling at Eddie, who decides to strike him with the steps again, and then again, and one more time for good measure. As each strike seems to simply infuriate Warrior more and more, Eddie hits him over the top of the head with them, dropping them to the floor after making contact. Eddie then hooks his arm around the back of Warrior's neck and falls backward, delivering a spike DDT onto the steps, the ring skirt ripping from the quickness of the execution.
Joey Styles: Ooh, what a move!
Roddy Piper: I'd say he just scrambled his brains, but I don't think there was much wiring up there to mess with in the first place, if you know what I mean.
Eddie does his trademark dancing taunt as Warrior, much to his surprise, stands up as if nothing happened to him. Fire is in the eyes of the Hardcore Champion as blood and fading paint are running down his face. Guerrero puts his fists up, expecting Warrior to charge, but instead he snatches the steps up with one hand and hurls them. Eddie moves out of the way as the steps hit the ringside barricade, but it seems that's exactly what his opponent wanted him to do as Warrior charges and takes Eddie and himself over the barricade with a stiff lariat. Warrior gets to his feet and grabs a folding chair, swinging downward at Guerrero, who springs forward to dodge, knocking several folding chairs against each other as they push away from themselves. Eddie sprints up towards the actual chairs as Warrior follows him.
Joey Styles: Is Eddie fleeing?
Roddy Piper: Probably doesn't want to get another beating like he got on Warzone this week.
As a chase ensues, Eddie turns a corner and heads up a nearby staircase. Warrior is right on his heels as the two men enter an upper area of seating. That's when Eddie puts on the brakes and trips Warrior, causing him to hit the side of one. Warrior gets up angrily, swinging at Eddie, who avoids the punch and throws a knee into the abdomen of his opponent, knocking the wind out of the Hardcore Champion. Guerrero then executes a suplex onto the series of chairs, Warrior crying out in enraged pain. Eddie releases Warrior as he climbs up onto the chairs, grabbing Warrior again and firing off another suplex, Warrior crying out in rage again. Eddie swings his legs around, returning to his feet and going for another suplex but Warrior pushes him off as Eddie hits back first against the barricade. Guerrero looks over his shoulder, observing how high up they are, then turns back to his opponent, who hits him in the abdomen with a shoulder thrust before hoisting him into the air.
Joey Styles: He can't be serious!
Roddy Piper: I think he is, Joey!
Before Warrior can throw him, Eddie delivers kick to the bridge of the nose, slipping out of Warrior's grip and returning to his feet. Warrior checks his nose for bleeding as Eddie delivers another knee to the abdomen, locking his arms together around Warrior's waist, launching himself backward with a belly-to-belly suplex, releasing it so that he's left standing against the barricade as Warrior went flying through the air and went flying towards the seating and concrete below!
Joey Styles: HOLY SHIT!
Roddy Piper: There's absolutely no way he's getting up from that! Wait, what's Guerrero doing?
Eddie turns around and watches as Warrior hits the concrete chest and face first. He then climbs up onto the barricade and stands up as tall as he can. Without a second more of standing around, Eddie leaps from the barricade!
Joey Styles: HOLY SHIT AGAIN!
Roddy Piper: THESE GUYS ARE CRAZY!
Eddie connects with a frog splash as he crashes on top of Warrior, the impact causing the chairs around them to slide. Eddie rolls Warrior over and covers him as the referee runs over and begins counting.
ONE!
TWO!
THR...NO!
The crowd in the arena Joey and Roddy are commentating from are in absolute disbelief as Warrior gets the shoulder up. He throws Eddie off of him and rolls onto his front, catching himself with his hands as he gradually climbs to his feet.
Joey Styles: I feel like we're watching the dead come back to life here, Roddy.
Roddy Piper: I hear ya, Joey. I think I believe in this Nightmare stuff now.
Warrior's body is red and covered in blood and sweat. Warrior's hair is frizzed and matted with blood, his face paint completely gone. He's breathing heavily, a look of intensity and anger on his face. Warrior turns to face Guerrero, who swings downward with a steel chair he picked up, the seat of the chair being knocked out of place by how hard it hits Warrior's head. Warrior falls to his knees as the remnants of the chair are around his head and neck, blood beginning to pool from the top of his head. Suddenly he looks up at Eddie and returns to his feet, grabbing a side of the chair with each hand as he pulls in opposite directions, the chair breaking in his grasp. Eddie takes off running, his limping slowing him a bit, as Warrior chases after, he too handicapped by the damage he's sustained, the remnants of the chair in his tightly clenched fists.
Eddie turns the corner and looks to head up the same staircase again but Warrior catches up and clubs him in the upper back with the piece he's holding in his left hand, throwing it to the ground after making impact. He grabs Eddie by the hair and pulls him backward, letting go as Eddie stumbles, trying to regain his footing in time to defend himself, but to no avail as Warrior clubs him with the piece in his right hand, Eddie's head sandwiched between that and the concrete wall. Warrior throws down the piece as Guerrero slinks down the wall into a seated position, a blood stain in the shape of his head where he made contact and streaking all the way down the wall as he slinks. Warrior grabs Eddie by the back of the neck with one hand and by the back of his tights with the other and begins to walk down the hallway. He sees a Pepsi machine as he swings Eddie backward, then swings forward and hurls Latino Heat. As Eddie makes contact, the machine crumbles as if it was made of the aluminum of one of the cans. Pepsi cans roll out as Eddie lies upside down in the machine before the machine falls forward, trapping him inside.
Joey Styles: This is heinous! He could be getting electrocuted in there right now!
Roddy Piper: Well if he is, Warrior seems to have a rescue plan.
Warrior grabs the machine and sets it back upright, grabbing Eddie by the legs and pulling him out, Eddie hitting the floor chest and chin first. Warrior drags Guerrero, who's bleeding from the mouth, down the part of the hallway that forks right as they near two knobless doors right next to each other. The cameraman catches up and it can be seen the doors are for the restrooms as Warrior throws Eddie into the Men's door, Guerrero landing and acting as a doorstop as the referee isn't far behind. Warrior pulls Eddie to his feet and irish whips him into a hand drying machine but Eddie catches himself and turns to face his opponent.
Warrior charges but Eddie has him scouted, sidestepping and grabbing him by the back of the head, slamming him face first into the hand drying machine. Warrior falls to the ground as Eddie grabs him by the hair, dragging him across the bathroom floor, kicking open the door of one of the stalls and continuing to drag. Eddie picks up Warrior and lifts him into the air, delivering a spinebuster onto the seat, cracking it under the weight of the Warrior as the pieces fall to the ground. As Warrior lies there slouching backward, Eddie feeds his long hair down the drain and flushes.
Roddy Piper: Well that's one way to get rid of waste.
Joey Styles: I thought Warrior won you over.
Roddy Piper: It's more fun this way. What kind of toilets are in that arena they're fighting in?
Joey Styles: Same as the one we're in. Standard model, has the flushing power of an airline model though. Why?
Roddy Piper: Because Warrior's having a Garth Algar moment.
Warrior's hair is violently being pulled down the drain as he's grabbing at his head, his legs kicking at the air and the ground, Eddie punching him repeatedly in the face. Warrior manages to kick Guerrero, launching him backward as Eddie knocks the door open again, landing in a sitting position on the floor. Warrior cries out as grips the back of the seat, pulling his legs towards himself then forcing forward, kipping up and ripping the toilet from the wall as he gets to his feet and throws the toilet at Eddie.
Joey Styles: Whoa!
Guerrero rolls out of the way as the toilet shatters against the wall, Warrior rounding the corner out of the stall, his hair completely gone. Eddie grabs the handle of the door and looks to leave but Warrior grabs a large porcelain shard of the broken toilet, and swings at him, leaving a gash mark across his opponent's back. Eddie falls to his knees, crying out in pain and still gripping the door handle as Warrior grabs the top of his head and pulls him to his feet, Eddie losing his grip of the handle. Warrior opens the door and leads Eddie back into the hallway as they turn the corner and begin to head down the hallway to what appears to be double doors. Warrior throws Eddie into them as they swing open, Eddie landing on the asphalt of the parking lot. Warrior follows behind and grabs Eddie, pulling him up and over his shoulder. Warrior begins to walk forward towards the road where cars are driving as the camera gets a shot of another arena just on the other side of the road, an LED light sign nearby that reads, "Great American Bash LIVE Tonight!"
Roddy Piper: They're coming here!
Warrior throws Eddie onto the windshield of one of the cars, shattering it as Eddie's upper body goes through, his lower body on the hood. The car screeches to a halt but before the driver can get out, Warrior punches through the window, grabbing him by the back of the head and beating him into the steering wheel several times. Warrior walks around the car and opens the passenger door, grabbing Eddie and pulling him over the dashboard, across the seat, and into the road. All the other cars have stopped as Warrior drags Eddie onto the sidewalk on the other side of the road as the two make their way to the other arena.
Joey Styles: What brutality!
As Warrior grips the top of Eddie's head and drags him across the pavement, Eddie suddenly grabs his arm at the elbow with both hands and begins squeezing. Warrior stops walking and throws Eddie into a sitting position. The Hardcore Champion charges him angrily as Eddie grabs a manhole cover from nearby and launches himself at Warrior, clobbering him in the face as both men fall to the ground, Eddie on his stomach and Warrior on his back. The crowd inside the arena are absolutely electric, clapping and stomping their feet as Eddie begins to crawl towards Warrior, the referee standing by and observing closely.
Roddy Piper: He might do it!
Eddie is mere inches from Warrior as he army crawls, his strength reserve ticking to near nothing. Warrior is out cold as Guerrero can reach him with his fingertips.
Joey Styles: This could be huge!
With the last of his strength, Eddie throws his right arm over Warrior as the referee begins to count the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Back in the arena, Jeremy Borash announces the outcome.
Jeremy Borash: Here is your winner and the NEW UCW Hardcore Champion, Eddie Guerrero!
Blastoise: A hot contest, right? Which by the way, Smackdown will have plenty of when it brings you a Super edition known as Heatwave!
I don't like that DiBiase guy.
It's a rematch from last week, well, sort of, last week was a triple threat featuring Bully Ray, but Bully Ray's been cut from the company so this week it's going to be a singles match as Zack Ryder takes on the man that clocked him with a guitar last week, "Double J" Jeff Jarrett. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0, in BDC's favor.
Last week, Shawn Michaels suffered an unexpected defeat at the hands of Damien Sandow, who deemed him unfit competition because of his age. This week, the Heartbreak Kid finds himself in the ring with the fierce Batista, who has caused nothing but carnage since making his way to UWF. Currently the trash talk count is 2 to 1, in Andrew's favor.
It's time for a title defense already, as The Miz puts his newly won European Championship on the line against the man that was brutalized by Batista at Starrcade, Mr. Friday Night, Rob Van Dam. With Cesaro due a rematch, this match is made all the more interesting, as Antonio could end up facing RVD for the European Championship instead of Miz when it's all said and done. Despite Barrett getting the better of him and Batista eating him for breakfast, Rob has been impressive since arriving on the scene, and if he doesn't beat Miz for the title, he'll certainly open a lot of eyes trying. Currently the trash talk count is 2 to 1, in Got_Swag's favor.
FINALLY, The Dres...has COME BACK...to face Sam Mitchell! I don't think Sam's ever contended with Dresden's Sting, and I know for a fact Dresden's never competed against Sam's Bray Wyatt, or anyone's Bray Wyatt for that matter, so for this reason and many others, this contest will be interesting. Aniking's stoked about it, and you should be too! This is another match that has a lot of potential for great material, I can only hope that it comes out. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0 in Sam's favor, but I know it'll be Showtime sooner rather than later.
From one NWO member to the next, well, from one NWO member to a guy that plays an NWO member on the other brand. That's right folks, the matches keep rolling, and this one is going to pit rawisrey against Chase. I'm excited for the match and a big reason is so I can see whether or not Sandow is going to cut another promo, and if he is, what he's going to say about Mysterio and try to do to get out of the match. Surely if HBK's not worthy competition, Rey Mysterio isn't even close. That's just one armed turtle's opinion, though. Currently the trash talk count is 2 to 1, in rawisrey's favor.
Lewb and Blizzard, a contest I haven't seen since Team Heyman versus Team McMahon that saw Lewb's Del Rio on Team Heyman and Blizzard's Kofi Kingston on Team McMahon. This go-around, Lewb is the "Anti-Christ of Professional Wrestling" Jeff Hardy and Blizzard is John Cena, which is an interesting match-up especially since it's a collision of main eventers we never saw in the WWE. I'm looking forward to this match and expect each man to at least put up one more trash talk. Currently the trash talk count is 2 to 2.
Hoov versus Aniking, what a tall order you have on your hands, my brother in 3:16. No doubt your Bryan is formidable, but it's Aniking, any character he touches is an obstacle and a half, this may be a harder fight than the one you just came out of at Starrcade, and I mean that. Daniel Bryan versus Triple H would be a squash if we saw it in real life, most likely, but that's the beauty of e-fed matches, competition a large percentage of the time. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 1.
From my understanding, the result will be based on who trash talks the best in their individual match, which means the competitors in the Rumble will be Triple H, Daniel Bryan, Jeff Hardy, John Cena, Sting, Bray Wyatt, Damien Sandow, Rey Mysterio, The Miz, Rob Van Dam, Zack Ryder, Jeff Jarrett, Shawn Michaels, and I'm guessing Ted DiBiase since Batista has a title shot and Dean Ambrose is the champion. As for who fills the last spot, I don't know. Maybe Samoa Joe or JTG.
At last I have reached the end of the card. Heatwave is going to be like another pay-per-view, which I think is the point. Anyhoo, one week after beating Sting, even though he shouldn't have, DiBiase gets a title shot against the World Heavyweight Champion Dean Ambrose. Prodigy vs. Captain, what a match-up! Captain's on a roll for sure but Prodigy could very well put an early end to his title shot, which would be a nice start to a new feud for both men.
And in promos, the floor will be open to anyone that wants to cut a promo, but the ones we've been promised will be from the new European Champion The Miz and the World Heavyweight Champion Dean Ambrose, seperately of course.
But as the fire cools down in the Heatwave aftermath, don't think the momentum's going to fizzle out, because UWF Raw will return four days later on June 26th with a can of gasoline that's going to light the fire back up, bigger and brighter. In fact, speaking of fire...
Charizard: Sup guys, Charizard again, and I'm here to tell you what you can expect when Raw comes back to rock your Tuesday night! But first, there's been a couple of recent signings, which means two more reasons to tune in and read Raw. First, Rated R Superstar has picked up the "Fallen Angel" Christopher Daniels. Now both brands will get a taste of religion. Secondly, PegasusKidFan makes his return to e-feds, debuting as Eddie Guerrero, a man he had success with on UCW's Warzone brand. Welcome to Raw, guys.
Now, to the card!
vs
Nice to see Shane's graphics are still being used even though he's no longer an active part of e-feds, just thought I'd mention that. It's also nice to see that Smackdown's loss is Raw's gain, as General Manager Teddy Long has opted to bring the Hardcore Championship over to the red brand and make it an active title again. Fighting for this newly renewed belt is the returning The Red and Doink(ellis), or in character terms, "The Blueprint" Matt Morgan and Sir William Regal.
Daniel Bryan and Dean Ambrose did a great job of making this championship special, can the new Hardcore Champion and whoever challenges him in the future for it make it just as prestigious? This lizard says yes. Morgan obviously has more to gain from a win, since he's debuting, but honestly it could go either way. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0, in Morgan's favor.
vs
Both of them are former champions, both of them are hungry to prove something. Cesaro is looking to regain momentum after losing his European Championship, while Aries is looking to regain momentum from not only his loss at Backlash, but the attack that followed that left him sidelined until Starrcade. It's great to see Chriss back in the game, although it appears internet problems have arisen, so he might not be back just yet. I hope he gets to participate, because while Raw is strong, it'd be that much stronger with his Aries, and this match-up has the potential to produce absolutely golden material.
Both men have guaranteed rematches against the men that took their respective championships, and a little momentum boost from winning this match certainly wouldn't hurt, so truly both competitors will be on their very best A-game come Tuesday night. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0, in Aries' favor.
The newly reinstated Hardcore Championship isn't the only bit of gold that's going to be up for grabs, as Teddy Long has booked a United States Championship match, to give Cody Rhodes a proper challenger as well as to test C.M. Punk on how committed he is to his UWF run. This match-up will certainly be one to keep your eyes on, especially because the NWO could be lurking around any corner, as well as the former United States Champion Brock Lesnar, who is no doubt wanting revenge and has the air of mystery on his side since no one knows how long he'll be out for.
Rey vs. Dom is certainly a match with a lot of star power, I mean A LOT of star power, I hope both men are able to participate and give us something truly special with this one. Rey has been on a roll, even moreso since he joined up with AK and Fetter, so taking his United States Championship will be a tricky task but not an impossible one, Dom could very well do it. With Tapout still looking for a title match, Brock in possession of a guaranteed rematch, and C.M. Punk now in the picture, the situation surrounding the United States Championship continues to be an interesting one. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0, in Rey's favor.
vs
Barrett cannot be a happy man, as he not only lost in last week's main event, but he lost in Raw's main event at Starrcade. This week the driving force behind the Barrett Barrage movement will be looking to get his win back, but he has a tall order ahead of him, as his opponent is none other than the most electrifying man in all of entertainment, The Rock, who is making his UWF debut. However, with Wade seemingly backed into a corner, even The Rock may not be enough to hold back the former Undisputed Champion on his path back to the title picture.
Hoov and Lewb promises to be another nice match-up, especially since Hoov is The Rock, I can't wait to read the material that gets cooked up in this showdown, there's opportunity for some great stuff to be said. Hoov is looking to prove he can bring it on Raw, no pun intended, on just as great a scale as he's been doing on Smackdown, but as I said, Lewb's looking to get his win back and may be more of a bite than Hoov can chew. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0, in Lewb's favor.
vs
This week the entire New World Order is in action, as Randy Orton takes on none other than the number one contender to the UWF Championship himself, Mr. Anderson. Orton was close to being the contender weeks ago, but came up short when he was beaten by a second, so now that he is in the ring with a man that possesses what he almost captured, how do things bode for Anderson? I'd say not well, Randy's jealousy is only going to further fuel the animosity that already existed between these two.
Killz and MrFetter, an interesting situation because of what I just pointed out, one of them was almost the number one contender and one of them currently is. If Killz loses, it doesn't really matter as he's guaranteed his title match, but if Fetter loses, there may be dire consequences. We may see the beginning of the end for the NWO, because Christian is undefeated since debuting and Cody is on a winning streak. If Orton loses, it'll be the second week in a row that he failed to get the job done on Raw after losing to MVP last week and, despite his pay-per-view win against Cena, may be viewed as the weak link of the group. Just a thought. Currently the trash talk count is 2 to 1, in Fetter's favor.
vs
And in the maaaaaain event, man, what a maaaaaaain event! Stone Cold Steve Austin, the UWF Champion, takes on the undefeated Christian. In a non-title match mind you, but still, even with that in mind, this is still a huge contest Raw has on its hands. Dresden versus Aniking hasn't happened since the UCW Smackdown days when Stone Cold and Batista, among others, were having it out for the Animal's World Heavyweight Championship. It's interesting to see the tables turned with Dres as champion and, even though he's not challenging, AK as the opponent.
It's Raw instead of Smackdown, UWF instead of UCW, and for him, Christian instead of Batista, but all these things make it that much better, as Christian may be Aniking's most successful character to date. Currently the trash talk count is 1 to 0, in Aniking's favor, but I have a feeling Dres is going to show up soon.
PROMOS
The floor is open to anyone that wants to cut a promo, so I'm hoping Raw's going to have quite a few. I hear the Texas Rattlesnake is going to have something to say, but that hasn't been confirmed, I just read it on the dirt sheets. But yeah, that's next week's Raw, and it gets five out of five Fire Blasts from me. Back to you, Dres.
Thank you, Charizard, for handling the Raw rundown. And thanks again to Blastoise for previewing Heatwave, and to Venusaur for giving the fans what they want and being the Pay-Per-View Pokemon. Thanks also to you, the readers, especially since this particular edition was GIGANTIC. That's going to do it for The Dose this time, see you guys sometime Saturday for the next edition of the Blue Version! Saturday because I have to work a closing shift Friday night. Until then, the doctor is out!
LIKE, LEAVE A FAIRLY SIZEABLE COMMENT, REP. DO IT OUT OF FEAR OF GETTING SOLAR BEAMED!
