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ECW World Heavyweight Champion: Raven
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
ECW Barely Legal 1997
April 13th, 1997
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Joey Styles is in the middle of the ring and welcomes us to the FIRST PAY-PER-VIEW! He gives goes to give us a run down of the card but out comes the Dudley Boyz and crew, right off the bat we get a “FUCK YOU D-VON” chant, racist af fuck. D-Von tells them to 1. Shut the hell up and 5. Bow down to them, and if he’s said it once he’s said it a billion times. You, people, are the most no-good, inbred, illiterate pieces of garbage he’s ever seen. And as far as he's concerned it’s now time to TESTIFY!
“This is Extreme" intro air for the first time that I’ve heard, not the semi-dope generic song they usually play on ECW TV.
Joel Gertner now has the mic; he says the people have comes from miles around and put their money down to hear the sweet melodic sounds of the quintessential stud muffin, Joel Gertner. At this time, it is your pleasure to hear me introduce the team that comes from “THE LEGENDARY FIGHTING TOWN OF DUDLEYVILLE” He then introduces Sign Guy Dudleyz but Buh Buh and D-Von.
ECW World Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz (w/ Sign Guy Dudley & Joel Gertner) vs. The Eliminators
The Dudleyz bail so Sign guy tries to attack them, he receives a total elimination for his troubles which leads to a Pear harbor job by the champs. They proceed to 2-1 both men until Perry makes a comeback and the eliminators go on offense. I should point out, the eliminators are wearing the gayest pink and silver two tone pants I’ve ever seen. Shit looks ridiculous. Anyway, they hit this stereo side moonsaults or cartwheel moonsaults off the top; Perry then gets an assisted backflip onto the Dudleys on the floor, Kronus then outdoes him with a back to back backflips (try saying that fast 5 times) moonsault to the floor, but he kinda fucks it up as I hear a thud on the landing and it looks like he hits to top of his head on the apron. Back in, The Eliminators are in full control and start dishing out every move they can think of to do, but not makes covers smh. Kronus then hits a 450 off the top but then instead of going for a pin would rather hit Buh Buh with total elimination for the win. Post-Match: Joel gets into the ring with a mic and says; all of you fans are too stupid to realize that on the stud scoring system, ladies and gentlemen, your winners by a score of 86-83. And still the ECW Tag Team Champions THE DUDLEY BOYZ! Emulators have heard enough and kill him with TOTAL ELIMINATION!
Overall: This match was a mess and pretty terrible, after the pearl harbor job the Dudleyz just got their asses handed to them for 8 straight minutes. It was pretty much a video game showcase for Perry and Kronus with no real effort in wanting to win or even dish out punishment. Just let's do some shit then when we’ve had enough, eh we’ll pin them. *1/2
Video Package airs on the Sandman.
Joey Styles lets us know Chris Candido was supposed to wrestle but with this arm injury, he will be out for at least 6 weeks to heal. However, Chris is in the ring with his arm in a sling. Candido says in 1993 when ECW started, he was on the very first show. He says he conquered the world and he was with his friend Dr. Tom and his girl at WrestleMania, and he came back home here to ECW. He says now it's extreme and on PPV, but he's not a part of it and says he wasn't even advertised when he was healthy. He challenges The Sandman to come cane him, except no, because he doesn't like the smoke and Singapore is a big pussy country and says to come back with a Jersey cane if he wants to hurt him. He says Stevie doesn't even have trunks, and Terry Funk is fine, but he's the one who started this place and says he'll be on this show tonight.
Lance Storm and his amazing rat tail hair comes out for the match and shakes Candido's hand.
Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam
“You Sold Out” Chants directed to RVD; I guess this was right around the time of the ECW invasion angle. I think RVD was offered a contract, I don’t remember. Some real good counters and game of one-upmanship to start, it’s not RVD/Lynn level but it’s none neither the less. RVD gains control after a no hands summersault over the top. A top rope leg drop gets two before, going back to the floor for a moonsault of the rails. RVD grabs the chair and brings it back into the ring. He whips Lance hard into the turnbuckle and when Lance bounces out RVD simple throws the chair into his face. Running dropkick with the chair is followed. And the crowd pops, but then they realize RVD might be leaving so they immediately start chanting “Sell Out”
RVD hits a modified version of Chris Daniels Angels Wings and connects with his amazing Frog Splash, this was before the Frog Splash became his finisher because Lance kicks out at two. Chair threw in Lance’s face again, but he manages to counter the rolling monkey flip and drops RVD face onto the chair. Lance makes his comeback as the match begins to pick up the pace, at one point Lance hits the softest looking chair shot I’ve ever seen
Thankfully he makes up for it by murdering RVD’s neck by hitting a sit-down powerbomb onto the chair for two. Good series out counters before RVD kinda botches a springboard elbow, he connects with it but it wasn’t as clean as it should have been. Lance hits a beautiful bridging German suplex for two. But ruins everything with 2 of the even softer chair shots in history, RVD pretty much no sells it and hits the Van Daminator and a Standing Moonsault to win. Post-Match: RVD says he isn’t out here to get his Lance’s or the people’s respect. He also doesn’t give a shit about respect from any of the boys or Paul E. Lance calls him an asshole and leaves and RVD says he's right, and he says he sold out to himself by getting in the ring tonight after being chosen to fill in for somebody injured. He says RVD is no replacement anything, but he swallowed his pride for business, and by beating Lance Storm, he's worth more money here and RVD is worth more money elsewhere.
Overall: This was good and would be better in a year or two, but as for now. It was just two guys, two really athletic guys with no backstory showing the fans what they can do. RVD came out looking like a future star and not just Sabu’s tag partner or just in his shadows. Lance had a good showing too minus the chair shots. **3/4 - ***
Great Sasuke, GRAN Hamada & Masato Yakushiji vs. Terry Boy, Dick Togo & TAKA Michinoku
TAKA, Terry, and Dick come out to the b.W.o theme along with b.W.o attire because b.W.o JAPAN is taking over. Streamers for respect. Just like the first match between these 6, I will try my best to keep up or at least just talk about the epic shit. The match starts off with Hamada’s team taking turns beating on TAKA before they turn the tide and get some shit in on Sasuke. Styles lets us know that Sasuke might be a little jet lagged as last night he wrestled in the Tokyo Dome in front of a sell-out crowd against Thunder Liger for the J-Crown Championship, GOD DAMN! I just realized they have their own ref for this match, b.W.o isolate Yakushij but he makes this amazing comeback with flips and the match is kicked into a high gear with everyone hitting the cleanest and smoothest flips counters, double teams all of it. After at least I wanna say 15-18 minutes of just some insane get your shit in but at least go for a cover, Sasuke beats TAKA with a Tiger Suplex.
Overall: This was something else as you can see for my lack of words, I pretty much just sat there and stared at my TV screen just wonder what move can be done next or how are they gonna top themselves next. This style isn’t for everyone and I wouldn’t want a whole card of matches like this. If you’ve seen Dragongate or the ROH 2006 Dragongate match, or even today’s Lucha this is it just spots turned up at a higher level. ***1/4 - ***1/2
Big Stevie Cool cuts a promo on how for two years when he was Raven’s lackey he couldn’t look himself in the mirror but now he has the opportunity to rectify all of that and come out of the shell he's been in all his life.
Shane Douglas and Francine come out with riot squad members, Fran is wearing this hawt little black see through nighty outfit. It’s like the ones your bitch wears to bed but just a sexier version. Douglas gets on the mic and says and so it has come down to this, he told you all he came back to ECW to lead all you son of bitches to the promise land. And in the world of professional wrestling, that promised land is called Pay-Per-View. He says you don’t have to like me and doesn’t give a shit if you do, but ever single one of you are looking at greatness. You are looking at the first man to call pussies out from another organization and them ain’t man enough to come. You’re looking at the guy that put extreme in ECW. He brags about winning the ECW TV title and breaking Gary Wolf's neck, he then brags about beating up Gray Wolf with a broken neck.
ECW Television Championship: Shane Douglas (w/Francine) vs. Pitbull #2
Remember is Shane wins, the maked man must unmask. Also, Gary Wolf is sitting in the front row so you know fuckery is about to go down. So after they exchange some rights they then proceed to waste away the rest of the match and the angle in total by wait for it……chain fuckin’ wrestling and wrestling like this is a first time meeting like, everything that has to happen for the past however long this feud has gone on hasn’t happened. Like holy shit, Shane broke your best friends fuckin’ neck he tried to break your fuckin neck. You’ve beaten one another up in I quit matches and violent brawls all across the east coast and on the go home show with so much on the line you guys want to wrestle? And wrestle like it’s the first encounter. OH, AND WHAT MAKES IT WORSE THIS GOES 20 MOTHERFUCKIN’ MINUTES. Oh Blue storytelling of the night, Shane hits this dumb fuck with 3 straight piledrives and instead of that being the finish he doesn’t even cover NO! instead, he uses it as filler to apply more rest holds to the neck. FUCKIN’ HELL! Pitbull sells NONE OF IT! At one point Gary Wolf hops the rails and beats on Shane until the riot squad breaks it up. They try to hardcore it up. But both guys are so gassed it looks sloppy and depressing. Poor, Fren she deserves so much better. Her crying acting is amazing. Fuckin hell we even get the taped fist gimmick that Joey tries to sell as brass knuckles smh. Look fuck this, the match ends when Candido comes out to interfere allowing Shane to hit the belly-to-belly side suplex for the win, yeah not a move that targets the head or anything like that but a fuckin belly-to-belly.
Post-Match: A voice comes on and says a deal is a deal, he says he’ll take off the mask but you give up the girl or I’ll give you an ass kicking of a lifetime. So the masked man comes out in full Rude robe, he begins making out with Francine. Douglas gets pissed and hits him from behind with the TV title. As he begins to unmask him one of the Riot guys hopes into the ring to reveal himself….IT’S RICK RUDE, but who’s under the mask…..IT’S BRIAN LEE? WAIT WHAT?
Rude punches Douglas into a chokeslam. SWERVE 
Over: FUCK OFF 1/2*
Backstage: Raven says tonight an entire world is tuned in, to see the greatest hardcore legend defeat the Sandman, but Stevie Richards as well. So he can go on and face the greatest grappler of the modern era
and 90% of the fans have tuned in to see a bitter has been vanquish his bitter nemesis. But 10% of those people have come to rage against the machine. Those 10% have come to raise their arms in a crucifix and have come to see me win.
Backstage: Taz cuts a promo on how the time for talking is done, and he’s waited his whole life for a match like this, for an opponent like him. He hates Sabu, and Sabu hates him. He wouldn’t want it any other way. In a few short moments, they will both go through hell and he loves it. Fonzie lists all the wrestlers Taz has choked out, before saying he choked them all out because one, I can. Two, because I want to and three, because Fonzie put money on it. Sabu, we’re going to a war. he knows Sabu fears him. He says he's gonna bust him up, and he's getting goosebumps, brother. He says he's going to hook his hold on him and choke him out because he has no choice.
Grudge Match Of The Century: Sabu vs. Taz (w/Bill Alfonso & Team Taz)
Huge intense staredown to start, Sabu pacing like he’s got pins and needles in his feet because he’s so anxious, while Taz jut stands there looking at him in his eyes with pure hatred. I LOVE IT! They trade slaps before punches and Sabu gets murdered by a Taz clothesline sending him to the floor. Right of the bat, Taz goes for the Tazmission but Sabu blocks. They counter holds until Taz locks in this beautiful figure four ankle lock, it looked brutal. Taz is so confident he begs Sabu to go for the leg and when he does Taz counters and begins cross facing Sabu’s nose busting it up and potentially breaking it
Sabu takes a brief breather before taking out Taz’s knee, Sabu sends him into the crowd before using a chair for the double jump no hands springboard plancha. They brawl through the crowd and back to ringside. Sabu goes to use the chair at a leaping point but Taz avoids and clotheslines Sabu back over the rails. Taz starts doing what he told you he was going to do and that’s stretch the shit out of Sabu before beating the blood and snot out of him, it’s got that real fight feel with both men’s passion and hatred mixed with them refusing to stay down for the other, so they just throw strikes for distance is great. Sabu grabs a chair and as Taz is just slouched in the corner he throws the chair into his face, Sabu connects with one assisted leg drop but when he tries or another Taz catches him and drops him jaw first onto the steel chair. God DAMN, Taz just hit the stiffest clothesline right in the jaw, out of desperation Sabu grabs the attire and sends Taz to the floor but he again goes for the double jump no hands springboard plancha but Taz moves and Sabu crashes into the rails, Taz isn’t done he grabs Sabu and belly-to-bellies him into the crowd. Back in the ring, Team Taz sets up a table between the ring apron and the rails kinda like a bridge. Sabu again goes for the double jump but stops himself in mid-air, he goes for a DDT but Taz shoves him through it. Taz clutches his shoulder, the shoulder that was injured in and was the one he had surgery on. Sabu connects with a ‘rana off the top followed by a leg drop ¾ across the ring. Taz is now mad and begins murdering Sabu’s neck with variations of Taz-plexs. But wait, Sabu busts out a t-bone of his own. HE NOW LOCKS IN HE OWN TAZMISSION, but Taz fights out and counter with a suplex. T-Bone Taz-Plex connects and he signals for the end. Taz locks in the Tazmission and Sabu passes out.
Post-Match: Taz says Sabu, listen to me; what happen was I choked you out
this isn't him blowing smoke up his ass, that was the fight of his life. Some fan tries to get himself over so Taz says you need to shut your mouth and have some respect. Taz says he’s got some much respect for him and the fight they just had, and it was hard for him to say that. But, anytime he wants a rematch he’s down for it. THEY SHAKE HANDS, but as Taz goes to leave Sabu brings him back to raise his hand. THEY NOW HUG! And the fans turn on them
But here comes RVD he nails Taz from behind, Sabu and RVD begin to argue when Taz makes it back to his feet, he goes to lock in the Tazmission but Sabu blasts him in the face with a right hand. They begin beating on Taz, with RVD hitting 7 different leg drops and Sabu coming in with a chair and hitting him with the Arabian facebuster. RVD pulls him to the floor where Sabu puts Taz through a table with a botched dive (first the chair gave way, then the table broke when RVD was putting him on it, then on the dive Sabu caught his leg on the top rope
) SABU PUTS ON THE TAZMISSION AS FONZIE JUST STANDS THERE WATCHING! HE GETS IN HE RING AND TAKES OFF HIS SHIRT TO REVEAL A TEAM TAZ SHIRT, HE THEN TAKES THAT OFF AND HAS A TEAM SABU SHIRT ON! AMAZING! Fonzie then grabs the mic and yells, Taz I taught you everything I knew, I own you Taz. I’m the winner here and Taz cost him a lot of money here tonight. He had all his money on Taz. Does he know Taz won right?
RVD gets on the mic and says all the RVD fans are winners tonight, and even the people who don't love him gotta fuckin' respect him. RVD says they can respect his family now and now that he's a PPV superstar and the other promoters want him, all the promotions can contact his man Fonzie. He knows his schedule, AND HE LOVES TO WORK MONDAYS! SO FUCKIN AWESOME 
Overall: Match was pretty incredible it wasn’t 5 stars or anything, but it was what I wanted violence, hatred and more violence without being the weapons filled spot fest. The post-match antics were great too even if it doesn’t make sense. ***1/2 - ***3/4
Joey Syles welcomes his special guest color commentator for this next match, Tommy Dreamer. HOLY SHIT Beulah in this short woman suit in white WOW!
Three Way Dance: Big Stevie Cool (w/b.W.o) vs. The Sandman vs. Terry Funk
The winner goes on the face Raven for the ECW championship; Sandman’s entrance just isn’t the same without Enter Sandman, I almost wanted to fast forward this repug network song. I can’t be the only one who finds it hilarious that the fans pat and rub Sandman’s beer belly as he walks around ringside. It’s hard to piece this together as in write everything down, not because it’s going a million miles per second. But it’s just a huge hardcore violent bout. The majority of the match is used with all three men beating the shit out of the other two guys with a ladder. At one point, MOTHERFUCKIN’ FUNK MOONSAULTS OFF THE TOP MISSING STEVIE, AND WHEN I SAY MISSES STEVIE THE ONLY THING HE GOT WAS HIS HAND also Sandman bringing a steel trash can wrapped in steel is great but hilarious, anyway about 15 minutes of pure violence, Sandman and Funk connects with a double team powerbomb eliminating Stevie Richards. Funk and Sandman just stare at one another before shaking and the fight is on. Sandman has barbed wire but the streamers are tangled up in it. Funk grabs a hold of it and begins whipping Sandman in the back with it, HOLY SHIT! Sandman counters with a metal sheet to the head and proceeds to wrap himself in the barbed wire. He charges at Funk, before connecting with a leg drop off the top for two. Stevie pops up on the apron distracting Sandman long enough for Funk to place a trashcan on Sandman’s head and Stevie connects with the Stevie kick. Sandman is out cold and Funk nails him with the moonsault off the top for the win.
Overall: Overall: Man as much flaws as this, mainly it being 19 minutes long it’s so much fun dude. Just seeing a 53-year-old bump and sell like Terry is great, Sandman being drunk but also on his game and not botching while being drunk bravo. Oh, and Stevie was there too. If hey would have shaved this in half or at least 5 minutes off because it was an elimination match it would have been better. **1/2 - **3/4
ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Terry Funk vs. Raven
Raven doesn’t even wait for Funk to get to his feet before nailing him with the title belt to the head. Drop toe-hold onto the steel chair, Raven then nails him in the head with it busting Funk wide open. Blooding is pouring out like a running tap, and the ref calls for a doctor to come out. Ref allows the 53-year-old man to continue and Raven just methodically beats the shit out of him, again the doctor tries to check on Funk but this time, Raven pulls him out to the floor and drops the table onto Funk. He places Funk onto the table and does his leaping dive through him. Raven nails the doctor and Raven calls for his squad. Some thot that is built like the cool-aid man hits the worse piledriver or powerbomb I’ve ever seen on Funk, they go to put up three tables below the Eagle's Nest announce area. Raven says he's going to end the comeback right in front of Tommy, AND TOMMY GETS UP TO STOP IT, BUT BIG DICK DUDLEY RETURNS AND ATTACKS TOMMY! HE TRIES THE CHOKESLAM, BUT TOMMY SHOVES HIM DOWN THROUGH THE TABLE! TOMMY TAKES OUT THE NEW NEST MEMBERS! Raven challenges him, and he comes down. TOMMY DDTS RAVEN, AND FUNK COVERS, BUT RAVEN KICKS OUT! Funk then counters the Evan Flow into a quick cradle to win and the title. THE 53 YEAR OLD BOYHOOD DREAM HAS COME TRUE.
Overall: This is a short masterpiece everything up to the shitty me flock debut was great if they would have given it maybe 2 or 3 minutes more to get a real finish instead of the cradle because it looks like they were told we have to end it now. I might have it as one of my favorite matches in ECW history. Also, a 53-year-old funk just had a fight for a grand total of 26/27 minutes. God bless you, Funk. ***
ECW Television Champion: Shane Douglas
ECW Tag Team Champions: The Dudley Boyz
ECW Barely Legal 1997
April 13th, 1997
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Joey Styles is in the middle of the ring and welcomes us to the FIRST PAY-PER-VIEW! He gives goes to give us a run down of the card but out comes the Dudley Boyz and crew, right off the bat we get a “FUCK YOU D-VON” chant, racist af fuck. D-Von tells them to 1. Shut the hell up and 5. Bow down to them, and if he’s said it once he’s said it a billion times. You, people, are the most no-good, inbred, illiterate pieces of garbage he’s ever seen. And as far as he's concerned it’s now time to TESTIFY!
“This is Extreme" intro air for the first time that I’ve heard, not the semi-dope generic song they usually play on ECW TV.
Joel Gertner now has the mic; he says the people have comes from miles around and put their money down to hear the sweet melodic sounds of the quintessential stud muffin, Joel Gertner. At this time, it is your pleasure to hear me introduce the team that comes from “THE LEGENDARY FIGHTING TOWN OF DUDLEYVILLE” He then introduces Sign Guy Dudleyz but Buh Buh and D-Von.
ECW World Tag Team Championship: The Dudley Boyz (w/ Sign Guy Dudley & Joel Gertner) vs. The Eliminators
The Dudleyz bail so Sign guy tries to attack them, he receives a total elimination for his troubles which leads to a Pear harbor job by the champs. They proceed to 2-1 both men until Perry makes a comeback and the eliminators go on offense. I should point out, the eliminators are wearing the gayest pink and silver two tone pants I’ve ever seen. Shit looks ridiculous. Anyway, they hit this stereo side moonsaults or cartwheel moonsaults off the top; Perry then gets an assisted backflip onto the Dudleys on the floor, Kronus then outdoes him with a back to back backflips (try saying that fast 5 times) moonsault to the floor, but he kinda fucks it up as I hear a thud on the landing and it looks like he hits to top of his head on the apron. Back in, The Eliminators are in full control and start dishing out every move they can think of to do, but not makes covers smh. Kronus then hits a 450 off the top but then instead of going for a pin would rather hit Buh Buh with total elimination for the win. Post-Match: Joel gets into the ring with a mic and says; all of you fans are too stupid to realize that on the stud scoring system, ladies and gentlemen, your winners by a score of 86-83. And still the ECW Tag Team Champions THE DUDLEY BOYZ! Emulators have heard enough and kill him with TOTAL ELIMINATION!
Overall: This match was a mess and pretty terrible, after the pearl harbor job the Dudleyz just got their asses handed to them for 8 straight minutes. It was pretty much a video game showcase for Perry and Kronus with no real effort in wanting to win or even dish out punishment. Just let's do some shit then when we’ve had enough, eh we’ll pin them. *1/2
Video Package airs on the Sandman.
Joey Styles lets us know Chris Candido was supposed to wrestle but with this arm injury, he will be out for at least 6 weeks to heal. However, Chris is in the ring with his arm in a sling. Candido says in 1993 when ECW started, he was on the very first show. He says he conquered the world and he was with his friend Dr. Tom and his girl at WrestleMania, and he came back home here to ECW. He says now it's extreme and on PPV, but he's not a part of it and says he wasn't even advertised when he was healthy. He challenges The Sandman to come cane him, except no, because he doesn't like the smoke and Singapore is a big pussy country and says to come back with a Jersey cane if he wants to hurt him. He says Stevie doesn't even have trunks, and Terry Funk is fine, but he's the one who started this place and says he'll be on this show tonight.
Lance Storm and his amazing rat tail hair comes out for the match and shakes Candido's hand.
Lance Storm vs. Rob Van Dam
“You Sold Out” Chants directed to RVD; I guess this was right around the time of the ECW invasion angle. I think RVD was offered a contract, I don’t remember. Some real good counters and game of one-upmanship to start, it’s not RVD/Lynn level but it’s none neither the less. RVD gains control after a no hands summersault over the top. A top rope leg drop gets two before, going back to the floor for a moonsault of the rails. RVD grabs the chair and brings it back into the ring. He whips Lance hard into the turnbuckle and when Lance bounces out RVD simple throws the chair into his face. Running dropkick with the chair is followed. And the crowd pops, but then they realize RVD might be leaving so they immediately start chanting “Sell Out”


Overall: This was good and would be better in a year or two, but as for now. It was just two guys, two really athletic guys with no backstory showing the fans what they can do. RVD came out looking like a future star and not just Sabu’s tag partner or just in his shadows. Lance had a good showing too minus the chair shots. **3/4 - ***
Great Sasuke, GRAN Hamada & Masato Yakushiji vs. Terry Boy, Dick Togo & TAKA Michinoku
TAKA, Terry, and Dick come out to the b.W.o theme along with b.W.o attire because b.W.o JAPAN is taking over. Streamers for respect. Just like the first match between these 6, I will try my best to keep up or at least just talk about the epic shit. The match starts off with Hamada’s team taking turns beating on TAKA before they turn the tide and get some shit in on Sasuke. Styles lets us know that Sasuke might be a little jet lagged as last night he wrestled in the Tokyo Dome in front of a sell-out crowd against Thunder Liger for the J-Crown Championship, GOD DAMN! I just realized they have their own ref for this match, b.W.o isolate Yakushij but he makes this amazing comeback with flips and the match is kicked into a high gear with everyone hitting the cleanest and smoothest flips counters, double teams all of it. After at least I wanna say 15-18 minutes of just some insane get your shit in but at least go for a cover, Sasuke beats TAKA with a Tiger Suplex.
Overall: This was something else as you can see for my lack of words, I pretty much just sat there and stared at my TV screen just wonder what move can be done next or how are they gonna top themselves next. This style isn’t for everyone and I wouldn’t want a whole card of matches like this. If you’ve seen Dragongate or the ROH 2006 Dragongate match, or even today’s Lucha this is it just spots turned up at a higher level. ***1/4 - ***1/2
Big Stevie Cool cuts a promo on how for two years when he was Raven’s lackey he couldn’t look himself in the mirror but now he has the opportunity to rectify all of that and come out of the shell he's been in all his life.
Shane Douglas and Francine come out with riot squad members, Fran is wearing this hawt little black see through nighty outfit. It’s like the ones your bitch wears to bed but just a sexier version. Douglas gets on the mic and says and so it has come down to this, he told you all he came back to ECW to lead all you son of bitches to the promise land. And in the world of professional wrestling, that promised land is called Pay-Per-View. He says you don’t have to like me and doesn’t give a shit if you do, but ever single one of you are looking at greatness. You are looking at the first man to call pussies out from another organization and them ain’t man enough to come. You’re looking at the guy that put extreme in ECW. He brags about winning the ECW TV title and breaking Gary Wolf's neck, he then brags about beating up Gray Wolf with a broken neck.
ECW Television Championship: Shane Douglas (w/Francine) vs. Pitbull #2
Remember is Shane wins, the maked man must unmask. Also, Gary Wolf is sitting in the front row so you know fuckery is about to go down. So after they exchange some rights they then proceed to waste away the rest of the match and the angle in total by wait for it……chain fuckin’ wrestling and wrestling like this is a first time meeting like, everything that has to happen for the past however long this feud has gone on hasn’t happened. Like holy shit, Shane broke your best friends fuckin’ neck he tried to break your fuckin neck. You’ve beaten one another up in I quit matches and violent brawls all across the east coast and on the go home show with so much on the line you guys want to wrestle? And wrestle like it’s the first encounter. OH, AND WHAT MAKES IT WORSE THIS GOES 20 MOTHERFUCKIN’ MINUTES. Oh Blue storytelling of the night, Shane hits this dumb fuck with 3 straight piledrives and instead of that being the finish he doesn’t even cover NO! instead, he uses it as filler to apply more rest holds to the neck. FUCKIN’ HELL! Pitbull sells NONE OF IT! At one point Gary Wolf hops the rails and beats on Shane until the riot squad breaks it up. They try to hardcore it up. But both guys are so gassed it looks sloppy and depressing. Poor, Fren she deserves so much better. Her crying acting is amazing. Fuckin hell we even get the taped fist gimmick that Joey tries to sell as brass knuckles smh. Look fuck this, the match ends when Candido comes out to interfere allowing Shane to hit the belly-to-belly side suplex for the win, yeah not a move that targets the head or anything like that but a fuckin belly-to-belly.
Post-Match: A voice comes on and says a deal is a deal, he says he’ll take off the mask but you give up the girl or I’ll give you an ass kicking of a lifetime. So the masked man comes out in full Rude robe, he begins making out with Francine. Douglas gets pissed and hits him from behind with the TV title. As he begins to unmask him one of the Riot guys hopes into the ring to reveal himself….IT’S RICK RUDE, but who’s under the mask…..IT’S BRIAN LEE? WAIT WHAT?


Over: FUCK OFF 1/2*
Backstage: Raven says tonight an entire world is tuned in, to see the greatest hardcore legend defeat the Sandman, but Stevie Richards as well. So he can go on and face the greatest grappler of the modern era

Backstage: Taz cuts a promo on how the time for talking is done, and he’s waited his whole life for a match like this, for an opponent like him. He hates Sabu, and Sabu hates him. He wouldn’t want it any other way. In a few short moments, they will both go through hell and he loves it. Fonzie lists all the wrestlers Taz has choked out, before saying he choked them all out because one, I can. Two, because I want to and three, because Fonzie put money on it. Sabu, we’re going to a war. he knows Sabu fears him. He says he's gonna bust him up, and he's getting goosebumps, brother. He says he's going to hook his hold on him and choke him out because he has no choice.
Grudge Match Of The Century: Sabu vs. Taz (w/Bill Alfonso & Team Taz)
Huge intense staredown to start, Sabu pacing like he’s got pins and needles in his feet because he’s so anxious, while Taz jut stands there looking at him in his eyes with pure hatred. I LOVE IT! They trade slaps before punches and Sabu gets murdered by a Taz clothesline sending him to the floor. Right of the bat, Taz goes for the Tazmission but Sabu blocks. They counter holds until Taz locks in this beautiful figure four ankle lock, it looked brutal. Taz is so confident he begs Sabu to go for the leg and when he does Taz counters and begins cross facing Sabu’s nose busting it up and potentially breaking it

Post-Match: Taz says Sabu, listen to me; what happen was I choked you out





Overall: Match was pretty incredible it wasn’t 5 stars or anything, but it was what I wanted violence, hatred and more violence without being the weapons filled spot fest. The post-match antics were great too even if it doesn’t make sense. ***1/2 - ***3/4
Joey Syles welcomes his special guest color commentator for this next match, Tommy Dreamer. HOLY SHIT Beulah in this short woman suit in white WOW!

Three Way Dance: Big Stevie Cool (w/b.W.o) vs. The Sandman vs. Terry Funk
The winner goes on the face Raven for the ECW championship; Sandman’s entrance just isn’t the same without Enter Sandman, I almost wanted to fast forward this repug network song. I can’t be the only one who finds it hilarious that the fans pat and rub Sandman’s beer belly as he walks around ringside. It’s hard to piece this together as in write everything down, not because it’s going a million miles per second. But it’s just a huge hardcore violent bout. The majority of the match is used with all three men beating the shit out of the other two guys with a ladder. At one point, MOTHERFUCKIN’ FUNK MOONSAULTS OFF THE TOP MISSING STEVIE, AND WHEN I SAY MISSES STEVIE THE ONLY THING HE GOT WAS HIS HAND also Sandman bringing a steel trash can wrapped in steel is great but hilarious, anyway about 15 minutes of pure violence, Sandman and Funk connects with a double team powerbomb eliminating Stevie Richards. Funk and Sandman just stare at one another before shaking and the fight is on. Sandman has barbed wire but the streamers are tangled up in it. Funk grabs a hold of it and begins whipping Sandman in the back with it, HOLY SHIT! Sandman counters with a metal sheet to the head and proceeds to wrap himself in the barbed wire. He charges at Funk, before connecting with a leg drop off the top for two. Stevie pops up on the apron distracting Sandman long enough for Funk to place a trashcan on Sandman’s head and Stevie connects with the Stevie kick. Sandman is out cold and Funk nails him with the moonsault off the top for the win.
Overall: Overall: Man as much flaws as this, mainly it being 19 minutes long it’s so much fun dude. Just seeing a 53-year-old bump and sell like Terry is great, Sandman being drunk but also on his game and not botching while being drunk bravo. Oh, and Stevie was there too. If hey would have shaved this in half or at least 5 minutes off because it was an elimination match it would have been better. **1/2 - **3/4
ECW World Heavyweight Championship: Terry Funk vs. Raven
Raven doesn’t even wait for Funk to get to his feet before nailing him with the title belt to the head. Drop toe-hold onto the steel chair, Raven then nails him in the head with it busting Funk wide open. Blooding is pouring out like a running tap, and the ref calls for a doctor to come out. Ref allows the 53-year-old man to continue and Raven just methodically beats the shit out of him, again the doctor tries to check on Funk but this time, Raven pulls him out to the floor and drops the table onto Funk. He places Funk onto the table and does his leaping dive through him. Raven nails the doctor and Raven calls for his squad. Some thot that is built like the cool-aid man hits the worse piledriver or powerbomb I’ve ever seen on Funk, they go to put up three tables below the Eagle's Nest announce area. Raven says he's going to end the comeback right in front of Tommy, AND TOMMY GETS UP TO STOP IT, BUT BIG DICK DUDLEY RETURNS AND ATTACKS TOMMY! HE TRIES THE CHOKESLAM, BUT TOMMY SHOVES HIM DOWN THROUGH THE TABLE! TOMMY TAKES OUT THE NEW NEST MEMBERS! Raven challenges him, and he comes down. TOMMY DDTS RAVEN, AND FUNK COVERS, BUT RAVEN KICKS OUT! Funk then counters the Evan Flow into a quick cradle to win and the title. THE 53 YEAR OLD BOYHOOD DREAM HAS COME TRUE.
Overall: This is a short masterpiece everything up to the shitty me flock debut was great if they would have given it maybe 2 or 3 minutes more to get a real finish instead of the cradle because it looks like they were told we have to end it now. I might have it as one of my favorite matches in ECW history. Also, a 53-year-old funk just had a fight for a grand total of 26/27 minutes. God bless you, Funk. ***