Random Thought/Joke of the Day

[Wang Chung]

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes


So she hugged me.

 

[#Waddles]

lol, i had that 1 last page.

How do you deal with a fear of speed bumps? You slowly get over it.

 

[Wang Chung]

I went to a beekeeper and bought 12 bees. He gave me 13. I said sir, you gave me one extra. He responded that's a freebee

 

[#Waddles]

Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field

 

[Gurryman]

Farted on my wallet the other day.

Now I've got gas money.

 

[Samoa Looch]

I was gonna buy an entire outfit of it, but I just couldn’t see myself in it

What a coincidence... I had the same problem with the John Cena costume I wanted to get for Halloween this year

 

[#Waddles]

What do houses wear? An ad-dress.

 

[#Waddles]

My kid gave me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. At least she inherited my sense of humor

 

[JakeYourBooty]

My kid gave me a 'World's Best Dad' mug. Not sure how she got my address

I made a change


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

 

[#Waddles]

I wish my kids weren't offended by my Frozen jokes. They really need to let it go!

 

[Wang Chung]

My wife gets angry at me when I introduce her as my ex-girlfriend.

 

[#Waddles]

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card

 

[#Waddles]

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one

 

[#Waddles]

I only know 25 letters of the alphabet—I don't know y

 

[Skyefire]

Here's an original holiday poem of mine. It's called "Scenes From A Suburban Shopping Mall"

'Twas the Saturday before Christimas and all through Kenwood Town
Not one soccer mom had a moment to sit down

Their big-ass-UV's made a loud honkning sound
As not a single parking space was there to be found

Filling their bags with gifts for the kids
Can be so stressful, I think some might flip their lids

The kids shared their wishes while on Santa's lap
While dad would give anything just to take a nap

While one mom snatched the last toy with a fight
She said "Merry Christmas to all", while another "F-U and good night"