Impact Wrestling Discussion - June 7th, 2012

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Fuji Vice

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Well folks, since Impact has turned over a new leaf and has gone live along with moving to a new time slot, I figured it was time to bring back the all comedy preview as written by yours truly, Fuji Vice, your TNA mod and master of the run on sentence.

Don't miss the GREATEST SHOW ON THURSDAY NIGHTS ON SPIKE TV AT 8-10 PM, IMPACT WRESTLING!!! It's coming to you live and its coming to you from the Impact Zone. What is the Impact Zone you may ask? Well, its the most popular spot at the Universal Theme Park in Orlando, Florida from 8-10 PM every Thursday night since its the only place that sells beer. It's also the only place that grown women (and sometimes men) squeal at the sight of a Vicodin-addicted trainwreck of a human being when he takes his shirt off. Trust me guys, if they're squealing for him, you may have a shot at getting laid!

Here is a preview of Thursday's broadcast:

- After the success of last week's "Vote a Wrestler" gimmick, the folks behind the scenes have gone one level further. This week we will be able to vote either Brooke Hogan or Garett Bischoff "off the island". Off the Island is a new feature on Impact Wrestling where the one voted off is run over by a cement truck driven by none other than former Survivor AND TNA alumni, Johnny Fairplay!

- Hulk Hogan will be appearing along with Sting as they contemplate which retirement home they'll be settling in after they suck the company dry take TNA to the top and ride off into the sunset.

- We'll get another James Storm update, as we head to his home in Tennessee and watch him help his beloved mare Fannie Flagg give birth to a foal. No word on whether Montgomery-Gentry are going to be there performing their hit "Longnecks and Rednecks" while the birthing takes place, but you never know do you?

- Christopher Daniels and Kazarian (remember when he had a first name and a tag team belt?) may have crossed the line last week with their audio footage. However, they're looking to cross it even further this week, as they plan to reveal the secret motel room footage they say shows AJ and Dixie engaging in lewd and pornographic acts with an unidentified third party that may or may not be a Daschund.

- Madison Rayne will be on hand to reveal that her mystery man is actually a mystery woman. Her and the mystery woman will then engage in approximately four minutes of all out lesbian sex in the middle of the ring while referee Earl "Dirty Old Man" Hebner looks on and snaps Polaroids.

- Finally, Bully Ray and Joseph Park will have a debate moderated by the one and only Scott Steiner. Yes folks, Steiner may have been hating on Impact lately, but the big bad booty daddy couldn't turn down the chance to moderate a debate between two of the best talkers on the show. Topics will include Pearl Harbour, the Foreign Legion, Hulk Hogan's sex tape and of course, Joseph's brother Chris...you know, Abyss.

All this and much more on Thursday's IMPACT WRESTLING broadcast on SpikeTV, plus we'll also throw a few more odd matches together for what's supposed to be our 10th Anniversary Show. And remember folks, at Impact...the LULZ~! are free!!!

On the heels of a 0.89, I ask you this....would that show not pop at least a 2.0? I really should be writing for this company. Anyhow, unfortunately none of this awesomeness is going to happen, but I still have hopes that the go-home show for Slammiversary will be one hell of a good one. I hope to see all you crazies out here on Thursday for some wild times and possibly some sexual references.
 

NovaRoad

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I will lovingly watch any Impact with a debate moderated by Scott Steiner. "Hailing from Dunkin' Donuts, from the great state of Obesity..."
 

Postman Dave

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Main event confirmed, Sting, Angle & AJ vs. Roode, Daniels & Kazarian.
 

Fuji Vice

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From: impactwrestling.com

There will be a four-way Knockouts match on Thursday's live Impact to determine who will face KO champion Gail Kim at Slammiversary. Also announced is a contract signing between Joseph Park and Bully Ray.

Already announced was the following…

* Dixie Carter's reaction to the tape played at the end of Thursday's show
* AJ Styles, Sting and Kurt Angle vs. Bobby Roode, Kazaian and Christopher Daniels
Can't wait for the contract signing.
 

Cyrus Riddle

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I'm more pumped for Impact over WWE every week here lately, and this week shouldn't disappoint. That six man should be nice, the contract signing should be amazing with Bully doing his thing, and I am interested to see where they will go with the whole Dixie and AJ story. As far as the next opponent for Gail Kim, they're really running out of credible options since Gail has been so dominant.
 

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I'm still cutting myself thinking about how stupid TNA is for having Sting vs Bobby Roode for the world title at Slammiversary X.
 

Cyrus Riddle

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I'm still cutting myself thinking about how stupid TNA is for having Sting vs Bobby Roode for the world title at Slammiversary X.

That's why I made mention of the James Storm angle, it's their 10th Anniversary, I seriously doubt they will have an entire show without shock and awe.
 

Fuji Vice

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I'll be here tonight but I might miss the first hour because of a re-scheduled meeting. Goddamn early start time, I HATE YOU!!!
 

Smart Marx

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I'll be here tonight but I might miss the first hour because of a re-scheduled meeting. Goddamn early start time, I HATE YOU!!!

I told you all the early start time would be EVIL.


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The Viper

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Yeah, I'm probably not gonna be here for the entire show. Going to a pre-screening of that Marky Mark movie, "Ted" at 7. I'll be DL'ing the show when I get home, though.
 

NovaRoad

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My prediction for tonight:

All the Ric Flair stuff? All a work.

Hogan brings him out first, gives him a non-title match against Roode. Flair beats Roode with his new submission finisher called "Blade Job From Doom." Hogan comes out again, says Flair is the best in the biz, knocking Sting to the #2 spot, and declares a triple threat match for the championship between those 3 guys at Slammiversary.
 
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Castiel

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Dixie is cringe worthy but Daniels / Kazarian are amazing right now! Love this angle.
 

Smart Marx

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Dixie needs to stop marking for herself already.


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Smart Marx

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Surge is in the ring now? :lol:


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