Above You Thread

[Phenomenal1]

Pyro's such a big HBK fan that he became a born again christian

 

[Kingslayer]

Yeah, because I've never said HBK was boring as hell a billion times already.

Good boy.

I'm Chuck Norris.

Fine, then I'll just assume you're a new member with no history on WF until somebody fills me in...

 

[Phenomenal1]

He's Chuck Norris...

 

[Don Draper]

Should know Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

 

[Kingslayer]

Should know that Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

 

[Don Draper]

Chuck Norris really died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

 

[Kingslayer]

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

 

[Don Draper]

LMAO I never heard that one before, that's a good one. Tom Cruise invented pink lol.

 

[Kingslayer]

Yeah, they're all over the place. I'm trying to find my favourite, if I find it, I'll specify which one it is.

Chuck Norris won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a get out of jail free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

EDIT ~ This one is my favourite.....right now anyway. I'll probably find a better one if I rigorously look, but this is the one I was looking for.

When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

 

[Kylie]

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

[Don Draper]

Chuck Norris filled in "CHUCK NORRIS" for every answer on his SAT's and got a perfect score.

 

[Kylie]

Moses did not part the Red Sea, Chuck Norris did it from the other side.

EDIT - Fucking brilliant Gord!

 

[Kingslayer]

EDIT ~ Sorry, I deleted it and re-posted it here, lol.

Oh my god, I just found my new favourite

On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't fucking think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."

 

[Kingslayer]

Chuck Norris found out about Conan O'Brien's lever that shows clips from "Walker: Texas Ranger" and is working on a way to make it show clips of Norris having sex with Conan's wife.

 

[Don Draper]

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built.