Before things officially go live, there is one image shown on the screen, and that is the image of the Anarchy graphic with writing below it, seemingly the tagline for the brand.
"UWF Anarchy. Not...for the faint of heart."
The arena is practically shaking from the raucous ovation of the fired up crowd as each and every one of them came to see what UWF can bring to their city and how hard they can bring it. Suddenly their cries of excitement and anticipation are overpowered as a new theme begins to play.
[video=youtube;un9UR2SGiKc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=un9UR2SGiKc[/video]
"Violent Revolution" by Kreator begins to play as the official theme song of Wednesday Night Anarchy, plays over the PA system as the pyrotechnics go off all around the stage and the camera pans around the arena, catching all of the droves of passionate fans on film, each adorned in their respective choice of UWF memorabilia, waving around various signs such as, "S.C.A.R. Sucks", "Welcome to the Dragon's Lair", "Gore! Gore! Gore!", etc. After the camera has panned around the entire arena, things head to the commentary table where the voices of Wednesday nights are seated.
Joey Styles: Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the third edition of Wednesday Night Anarchy! I'm Joey Styles...
Mick Foley: And as always, I'm the "Hardcore Legend" Mick Foley. Joey what an insane show we had two weeks ago.
Joey Styles: Complete and total mayhem, Mick, and tonight's edition looks to be packed with just as much calamity. For starters, there's going to be some intense tag team action as the Bounty Hunters have their first match as a tandem, taking on the more experienced group Team Mattitude.
Mick Foley: And in a two on three Handicap match, the team of the "Samoan Bulldozer" Umaga and Trish Stratus take on the Modern Day Double Dragons and Maxine.
Joey Styles: Plus several hard hitting singles contests like the "Best in the World" CM Punk versus Seth Rollins.
Mick Foley: And the "Party Starter" Curt Hawkins takes on the "Show Off" Dolph Ziggler.
Joey Styles: And in our main event, the UWF International Champion Rhino and the "Icon" Sting take on the Anarchy General Manager Stone Cold Steve Austin and the "Human Cancer" Raven.
Mick Foley: But starting us off this evening is a showdown between the Extreme Champion Taz and the "Olympic Hero" Kurt Angle.
Joey Styles: But before we can get to that, I understand we're supposed to hear from S.C.A.R. right now.
[video=youtube;jwlFAUuNyY8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwlFAUuNyY8[/video]
The crowd is seemingly brought to their feet in unison as the infamous sound of the breaking glass pierces the sounds that were going on in the arena and everyone boos and waves about their signs as the General Manager of Anarchy and "Texas Rattlesnake" himself makes his way from the backstage and heads down the ramp with a purpose.
Joey Styles: I don't know how this man lives with himself. It makes me ill.
Mick Foley: I'm sickened too, Joey, but let me tell you from experience, we're a lot safer on this side of the table.
Stone Cold quickly makes his way down the ramp as he climbs onto the apron and steps through the ropes, entering the ring.
Upon entering the ring, Austin heads to the nearest turnbuckle and poses for the capacity crowd.
Stone Cold descends the turnbuckle and heads over to the far ropes, getting a microphone from the ringside official as he turns and raises the microphone, ready to address the crowd.
Stone Cold: I don't really care that you pieces a' trash are booin' me plum outta the buildin' right now, because not only is it worth each audible second, but quite frankly I don't give a damn what you say or think when it comes ta' Stone Cold Steve Austin or Raven for that matter. All I've been hearin' is why. Why did you do it Stone Cold? Well apparently ya'll don't speak English or have a real selective memory, so here's some footage from two weeks ago where it is literally spelled out for you idiots why I did what I did.
Austin motions to the titantron screen as the camera pans over to it and footage from two weeks ago begins rolling.
Raven: Why don't you tell these people the truth, Steve? This plan has been set in motion even before you came to power over the Wednesday night brand. Tell them the real reason you took over. Years ago, Sting cost you the UCW Championship, but not just that, he cost you the UCW Championship against CM Punk, a man that was running through everyone in that company. Had you beaten him, you would've been legendary, Steve, you would've had a run with a top tier championship and a Hall of Fame spot long before UWF was even an idea. Sting set you back, Sting wronged you, and you never forgave him for it. Sure you used the privilege you won from that match against Mr. Anderson to fire him from UCW, but that wasn't enough, as evidenced by the fact that he found work here and won championships and continues to be adored by this fanbase, your fanbase! You took over because JBL didn't have what it took to get rid of Sting, that's why you had me drive the truck that hit him and took him out of the company.
That's why you had me lying in wait, knowing that NXT was soon to be a thing of the past and a new entity would rise in its place. You called me up, you brought me in, and you signed me to a contract so that I could take out Sting and eliminate him from your life once and for all!
As the footage stops rolling, the camera pans back to Austin in the ring.
Stone Cold: There ya have it, folks. Stone Cold is here ta' stick it to Sting after all these years. Is it petty? Hell no, costing me that championship cost me high profile matches, it cost me credibility, and most of all it cost me money. The fact that I'm in the You Dubya Eff Hall of Fame doesn't mean jack cuz I gotta share it with a handful of bottomfeeders and that face painted piece a' trash is one of 'im. So I've got a Hall of Fame honor that's anything but and a record breaking title reign that's been surpassed, I don't have shit ta' show for the last three and a half years and that pisses me off and someone's gonna pay dearly for it, and that man is Sting.
As for the rest of ya, it shouldn't be too hard ta' figure out why you got your asses whipped. You're either with S.C.A.R. or against S.C.A.R. and if you're against S.C.A.R., we're gonna stomp a mudhole in your ass and walk it dry. Yet the questions keep pouring in, that still isn't good enough for you, because you wanna know why Bray Wyatt and Damien Sandow helped out the cause. You wanna know why Umaga got involved, why Team Mattitude got involved, why Ziggler got involved, but more than anything you wanna know why See Em Punk got involved.
Well let's take it from the top. Bray Wyatt and Damien Sandow are the You Dubya Eff Tag Team Champions as well as the You Dubya Eff and World Heavyweight Champion respectively. Why would they want to get involved? How about because the Modern Day Double Dragons are gunning for their tag titles? That sound like a valid enough excuse to wanna come to the number one contenders' stomping grounds and kick a little ass? Does ta' me, that's why I called 'em.
As for the rest, I can simplify that into one response, except for the one you want revealed the most, that is. Umaga, Dolph Ziggler, and Team Mattitude did my bidding because I gave them something they wanted. I gave Umaga his Extreme Championship rematch, and I put Ziggler and Matt Hardy in the Money in the Bank match, Shannon came out because where Matt goes, he follows. But what about Punk? Stone Cold and See Em Punk hate each other, Punk was the one that kept that You See Dubya Championship as a result of Sting's interference, hell they just had a match at the last pay-per-view, why are these two working together?
Because it was all part of the plan. That match with See Em Punk was necessary to the ruse. Stone Cold comes to save the brand from Bradshaw, fights one of his greatest foes and loses, you're all sad. Because of that, you never saw the alliance comin', you never thought in your wildest dreams that you'd ever see Stone Cold and See Em Punk on the same side, let alone Raven and See Em Punk, but it's happening. Why? Because Punk doesn't like Sting either, and he sure as hell doesn't like Rhino, especially not while he's holdin' somethin' that used to belong ta' him. Punk wants ta' be the man at the top again, and we put him there, and now Anarchy has a management team they can be proud of, and in a couple weeks, they'll have a champion they can be proud of.
Now if ya don't mind, my partner in crime has somethin' he'd like ta' say. Ladies and gentlemen, Raven!
[video=youtube;SIrckbbhhRk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIrckbbhhRk[/video]
The crowd boos as Raven makes his way out from the backstage, making his way to the ring quickly with a microphone in hand. As Raven enters the ring, he looks at Stone Cold and then out at the crowd before raising his microphone to his mouth as his music fades out to silence.
Raven: It's comical to me that you think your disdain is going to do anything to change what's already in motion. Are you imbeciles unaware of who's standing in the ring right now? I am the "Human Cancer". I was forged from hatred, society rejects me and I reject it right back. I am the bastard child of chaos and corruption, because they are petrified to claim me out of shame, shame that my thoughts are far darker than their thoughts, my intentions are far more calamitous than their intentions, my words are articulated far more smoothly than anything they could articulate, and that the things I put into action make them appear as order in purity in contrast. Your disdain only fuels me, and even if you were smart enough to take that revelation and begin to cheer me, I would be aware of its falsehood, I would know it would be an attempt at reverse psychology. I am under your skins and inhabiting each and every one of your minds, and as our plan further unfolds, you will be slowly destroyed from the inside out.
And who stands to stop us? This brand threw every hero they had at us and we left the ring looking like a slaughterhouse as each of them were left on the mat or at ringside like maimed cattle. Except for one, of course, but that's because he's too overcome with cowardice and pity to come anywhere near this arena, let alone this ring. He can't get over the injury that his pride sustained. It's almost an amusing pattern that years ago when Stone Cold didn't win the title he was fighting for and years later when Sting didn't win the title he was fighting for, the common denominator there is Sting. You stood in Austin's way years ago and stood in your own way at Wrestlemania, and now you're suffering the consequences for both. You just don't have what it takes to be the "Icon" anymore do you, Sting? Your continued absence has me convinced that your trenchcoat has darkened your closet since the night of Wrestlemania. I'm convinced that you haven't worn the gloves, touched the bat, or even applied the face paint, except to cut these nonsensical promos, that is.
I'm warning you, Sting, you're outmatched this time. Even if you go back to the red and black, you would still be so far beneath me that you couldn't embrace enough darkness to even brush the bottom of my coattails with your fingertips. Lingually, I'm too poetic and well versed, my articulation would lead to your strangulation, my mind is like a pit of broken glass and you're diving in lacerated and naked, my every constructed thought intensifying the pain and infection in your wounds like grains from shakers of salt. You will be out-talked, out-thought, and since the Clockwork Orange House of Fun match is one of the sick and twisted children born from that pit, you will be out-fought. If you show up to Money in the Bank, or any edition of Anarchy before then, I will make you a martyr, not one that dies in honor of any of the world's deities, but one that dies for the sake of the man you've made your god, Sting, yourself.
The crowd continues to boo as Austin begins to speak again.
Stone Cold: And for those of you that think Jim Cornette's going to come out here and make it all better, he isn't, because I fired his ass. And Vince can't touch me because it states very specifically in my contract that I have one hundred percent control of everything around here. Wrap your simple minds around that, I have diplomatic immunity in a place called Anarchy. Enjoy the show folks, if you're looking for us, we'll be the guys kicking the hell out of the International Champion later tonight.
Austin's music begins playing again as he and Raven exit the ring and begin making their way to the back as Christy Hemme enters the ring.
DING DING!
Christy Hemme: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
"Deadman's Hand" hits the arena, prompting the UWF Universe to burst into cheers for the arrival of Taz. Taz quickly emerges from the back in street clothes, eyes covered by his trademark sunglasses, a scowl etched across his face, and the UWF Extreme Championship around his waist.
Christy Hemme: From the Red Hook Section of Brooklyn, New York. Weighing in at two hundred and forty pounds. He is the Extreme Champion, Taz!
Taz doesn't take the time to soak in the atmosphere, instead choosing to make his way down the ramp and towards the ring, whilst the crowd continue to cheer a man with a new and arguably improved attitude.
Joey Styles: This is going to be great, the undefeated Kurt Angle and the Extreme Champion.
Mick Foley: Two submission specialists duking it out for bragging rights, I love it!
Taz eventually reaches the steel steps, not breaking stride along the way, as he makes his way up them and promptly enters the ring. He crosses his arms as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.
Christy Hemme: And the opponent...
The marching drum roll of Kurt Angle's brand new theme kicks in and the crowd is set ablaze into wild cheers, some fans are even chanting "USA!" while others are chanting "Kurt! Kurt! Kurt!" but it all is pointing towards one single thing, the arrival of Kurt Angle, the fans are looking everywhere for him, anxious for the slow rise.
Christy Hemme: From Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Weighing in at two hundred and thirty-seven pounds. He is the "Olympic Gold Medalist", Kurt Angle!
A concern falls over the arena as Christy has introduced the "Olympic Hero" but he's nowhere to be seen. Kurt's music stops playing as the crowd is booing before they begin a, "We Want Kurt!" chant. After a moment of their chanting, the titantron screen lights up and a man appears on the screen wearing a ski mask, the crowd booing more intensely.
Joey Styles: That's the same guy that got involved in the tag match last week!
The man looks into the camera and seems to smile as he crosses his arms and begins to address the members of the Anarchy audience, speaking with a distorted voice so that no one can identify who he is.
Man: You want Kurt? Well you can have him. If he can get up, that is.
He steps to the side as Kurt can be seen lying in the background, sprawled on the ground face down in a pool of his own blood. As the crowd boos even more intensely, the man turns to the camera and begins speaking again.
Man: Kurt was supposed to be one of the toughest guys around here, but it seems as though he's just like the man that you call your International Champion. All you have to do is possess the right qualities to go after them and chip away at their tough guy exterior until you get to the center of the matter, fold them like a fallen house of cards, and expose them for how soft they really are. There are two kinds of people in this world, the dogs and the wolves, and you've just seen one of the loudest barking dogs cut down by a young wolf. Dog eat dog? No, wolf eat dog. Why? Survival. Those that are truly great will prosper but those that speak about being great will succumb to this humbling, and have their true colors revealed. Now that the rhinoceros and the bald eagle have been compromised, the curiosity in the air pertains to which of the animals on this roster are next. The scorpion? The dragons? Or perhaps I go to the top of the food chain and attack the raven and the rattlesnake. Whatever my next move is, wherever my next move is, and whoever that next victimizing ends up belonging to, believe it'll be must...see....television.
The titantron screen goes black as the camera pans to Taz standing in the ring, having witnessed all of this, as he seems unshaken by it and a little bit uninterested. Taz turns to the referee who walks over to the ropes where the ringside official hands him the Extreme Championship, as the referee walks back over to Taz and hands him the belt as Taz puts it over his shoulder and goes to leave the ring, but as he steps through the ropes...
The marching drum roll of Kurt Angle's brand new theme kicks in and the crowd is set ablaze into wild cheers, some fans are even chanting "USA!" while others are chanting "Kurt! Kurt! Kurt!" but it all is pointing towards one single thing, the arrival of Kurt Angle.
Joey Styles: There's no way!
Mick Foley: If I can get up from the things I've endured, Kurt Angle can do anything.
Kurt comes walking out from the backstage limping, his face bloodied and his right eye blacked, holding his ribs with his left hand. The crowd is absolutely electric as he makes his way down the ramp, Taz seeing this and stepping back through the ropes, handing his Extreme Championship to the referee and his trademark sunglasses. Kurt makes his way to the bottom of the ramp and stops, looking into the ring at Taz who's coaxing him on, as Kurt then walks over to the steel steps and gingerly makes his way up them, along the apron, and through the ropes into the ring.
Kurt's music fades out to silence as the crowd can now be heard delivering a passionate and inspired chant for Angle as he smiles, revealing a few missing teeth. Kurt and Taz meet in the center of the ring as the match gets underway.
DING DING!
"You sure you wanna do this, Kurt?" asks Taz, as Angle backhands him across the right side of his face, Taz's head rocking with the impact. Kurt takes the straps down and yells for Taz to, "Come on!" as Taz fires back with a left punch, catching Kurt hard in the right side of his face, Kurt staggering into the ropes holding his jaw. Taz runs up behind Kurt and locks his arms around his waist, launching into a release German suplex that puts Kurt on his head on the other side of the ring as the rest of his body rolls over and Kurt finds himself on his face. Taz walks over to Kurt and stomps on his head a few times before Kurt grabs his ankle and flips him onto his back.
Angle gets to his feet and rolls Taz over, grabbing the ankle again as he looks to end this one as quickly as possible, but Taz pushes up from the mat with his arms and turns, kicking Kurt in the temple with his free leg as Kurt staggers into the ropes and Taz falls to the mat, catching himself by putting his hands down and behind him to avoid impact with the mat as he gets up and leaps at Kurt, connecting with a vicious forearm to the throat as Angle comes off the ropes. Taz gets to his feet and sees Kurt lying there, his face still covered in blood as he spits up more as a result of the forearm shot, his right eye still blackened, Kurt holding his ribs in pain.
Joey Styles: Kurt should've just stayed backstage, Mick.
Mick Foley: Well you've gotta admire the heart, but after last week's brutal match and the attack he suffered earlier tonight, it certainly would've done him better to throw in the towel for this one.
Taz grabs Kurt and begins to bring him to his feet but Kurt lands a stiff left square in Taz's abdomen as Taz hunches over. Kurt takes advantage of the situation as he grabs Taz and launches into the
Angle Slam as the roof nearly comes off of the arena from the positive crowd reaction. Kurt wobbles to his feet, his legs shaky as he is holding his ribs in pain again, blood running down his face and from his mouth. Kurt looks at Taz lying on the mat and then at the turnbuckle, then back at Taz as a smile forms across his face again. As Kurt begins limping towards the turnbuckle, the crowd begins a loud dueling chant, with one part shouting, "Please don't do it!" and another part shouting, "Do it Kurt!" before the other part answered with "Please don't do it!" and the cycle continued from there.
Kurt climbs to the turnbuckle gingerly and ascends it, his back remaining turned to his opponent as he stands up. The dueling chants continue as Kurt looks all around him and smiles before launching into the moonsault attempt. As Kurt's about to connect, Taz rolls out of the way and the crowd gives a collective, "Oh!" as Kurt eats nothing but mat, hitting face first and popping up as Taz instantly slaps on his signature submission.
Joey Styles: Tazzmission! Tazzmission!
As Kurt suffers in the hold, Taz shouts at him,
"You wanted this, Kurt!" as he cinches the move in tighter and Kurt begins to fade. The referee comes over and lifts Kurt's arm up and lets go as Angle's arm falls down lifelessly. The referee repeats the process as Kurt's arm falls down lifelessly again. The referee raises Kurt's arm a third time and it falls lifelessly once more, signifying Kurt has passed out in the hold.
DING DING!
Christy Hemme: Here is your winner as the result of a Knock Out, Taz!
Taz releases the hold and throws Kurt to the mat as the referee brings him his Extreme Championship and sunglasses, Taz putting on the sunglasses and grabbing the belt, raising it above his head as he screams out,
"You want this belt, Umaga? You're gonna have ta' KILL me for it!" as he then leaves the ring and heads up the ramp as Anarchy heads to its first commercial of the night.
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COMMERCIAL ONE
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We cut to the backstage area where Matt Hardy Version 1 and his MF'er Shannon Moore are preparing for their upcoming match. Shannon has a worried look on his face whereas Matt looks completely confident.
Shannon Moore: I don't know, Matt, I'm really nervous. I've never been in the ring with guys their size. They're gonna wipe the floor with me, man.
Matt's confident look quickly fades into shock and anger.
Matt Hardy Version 1: Are you questioning my teachings? Are you? Because, if you are, there are tons of ham-and-eggers dying for my guidance, just begging for a chance to be where you are, a follower in the ways of Mattitude. Mattitude isn't just what happens between the ropes. Mattitude is a state of mind. It's a way of life. You have to eat, sleep and breath Mattitude. Ryback and Monty Brown look tough but they lack something that you do. Do you know what that is?
Shannon shrugs and waits for Matt to tell him.
Matt Hardy Version 1: MATTITUDE! Come on, Shannon. You're in step 2 of the 4-step process. You should already know the basics. I don't have time to reteach them to you. Tonight, we are going to that ring with a Mattitude level of epic proportions and we're gonna show those two pea-brains what it means to be big and bad. It's true. We're not the biggest or strongest but we're damn sure the smartest.
Shannon Moore: Matt, I still don't kno-
Matt Hardy Version 1: Enough, Shannon! We're going out there whether you like it or not. This isn't about you, anymore. This is about doing what is best for me. You wanted my guidance and I offered it. Now, you follow me out to the ring, like the MF'er you are and we are going to dominate them. Now come on!
Matt grabs Shannon by the ear and drags him out of frame, presumably towards the ring as the camera pans back to it.
DING DING!
Search For: MATT HARDY
Enter Keyword: VERSION 1.0
[video=youtube;S7HIkm5nBnQ]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7HIkm5nBnQ[/video]
The file finishes downloading and out comes the debuting Matt Hardy Version 1.0 with his Mattitude Follower Shannon Moore and his beautiful girlfriend Reby Sky. They have a screen effect where it looks like an old-school quicktime video. A couple of Matt Facts pop up as well, the first one being “Team Mattitude should be facing Y.E.S.†All 3 members are quickly making their way down to ringside.
Christy Hemme: From Cameron, North Carolina. Weighing in at a combined weight of four hundred and ten pounds, Team Mattitude!
Hardy and Moore enter the ring and throw up the "V1" sign as the crowd boos them.
Christy Hemme: And the opponents...
"FEED ME!"
"Meat On The Table" by Jim Johnston begins to play as Ryback comes out from the backstage and stands at the top of the ramp, hanging his head and closing his eyes, nodding along with the beat of his music. He looks up and at the ring as he says, "More", followed by, "Wake up!" as he makes his way down the ramp with intensity, Monty Brown walking alongside him.
Christy Hemme: From Sin City and the Serengeti respectively. Weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and fifty-six pounds. The Bounty Hunters!
Ryback and Brown turn to Team Mattitude and shout, "Feeding Time!". It is decided that Shannon will begin the match for his team as Matt steps through the ropes and stands on the apron. On the opposite side of the ring, it's clear that Ryback will be starting for his team as Monty steps through the ropes and stands on the apron.
DING DING!
As soon as the bell rings, Ryback charges across the ring and takes Shannon down with a spear. He stands up and grabs Shannon's head, beginning to dribble it against the mat like a basketball as Hardy begins to cry out in pain. After ten bounces, Ryback violently pulls Shannon upward from the mat and turns, delivering a thunderous chokebomb to the "Student of Mattitude". Ryback heads to the nearest corner and begins twitching his arm at the shoulder, slightly nodding along as the crowd chants, "Feed Me More!' in rhythm with the twitches. As Shannon gets to his feet, Ryback takes off across the ring and hits him with the
Meathook Clothesline, nearly turning him inside out.
Ryback grabs Shannon by the hair and pulls him to a vertical base, hoisting him up on his shoulders as he begins marching around the ring, looking for
Shellshocked as he takes off running and falls back, connecting with it devastatingly. Ryback stands up and actually grabs Shannon by the wrist, dragging him over to Hardy and telling him, "Go ahead, tag him". Matt doesn't seem to want any part of it as Ryback shrugs and pulls Shannon to a vertical base, locking him in a bearhug before launching into an overhead release belly-to-belly suplex that lands Shannon on his back near Ryback's corner.
Joey Styles: Ryback absolutely manhandling Shannon Moore.
Mick Foley: This is hard to watch.
Ryback heads over to his corner and tags in Monty Brown who enters the ring quickly and pulls Shannon to his feet. Monty whips Shannon into the ropes and as he comes off of them, Monty hits him with the
Pounce. Shannon lies there lifelessly, having absorbed a lot of punishment in a short amount of time as Monty grabs him by the wrist and drags him to his corner, telling Matt to tag him. Once again Matt doesn't oblige so Monty shrugs and pulls Shannon to a vertical base, whipping him into the ropes again and connecting with another
Pounce.
As Shannon lies there helplessly and completely defenseless, Monty walks over to his corner and tags Ryback back into the match as Ryback enters the ring quickly and grabs Shannon, whipping him into the corner and charging at him, sandwiching him in between himself and the corner. Ryback sets Shannon on the top turnbuckle and follows after, setting up the situation so that both he and Shannon were standing up, Ryback hooking the head as though he were going for a superplex, but then he throws Shannon onto his shoulders and turns, facing the mat as the crowd explodes in excitement at the realization of what he's thinking of going for.
Joey Styles: There's no way.
Mick Foley: Someone better call his momma!
Joey Styles: What?
Mick Foley: Sorry, the carnage got to a point that I zoned out and seeing Monty Brown made me think of all the other powerful African American wrestlers we've seen over the years. Mark Henry, Tony Atlas, Ahmed Johnson...
Joey Styles: And Brodus Clay.
Mick Foley: Right.
Joey Styles: I'm not sure how Tony Atlas would feel about you putting him in the same category as Brodus Clay.
Mick Foley: What, because the guy likes to boogie down a little? After his WWECW stint, I don't think he has room to talk.
Joey Styles: Good point.
Mick Foley: Ya know, I'd actually like to see him in this match. Think of the hype behind it. When Brodus Clay is around, much like his feature film suggests, "No One Lives". Except Matt Hardy, because Matt Hardy doesn't die.
Joey Styles: Shannon Moore's certainly dying a death though.
As Ryback stands in the high rent district with Shannon on his shoulders, the bloodthirsty fans erupt into a raucous, "Feed Me More!" chant. Ryback nods in approval of this as he then leaps up and out as far as he can, connecting with the
Shellshocked off the top rope! The crowd begins to chant, "You just killed him!" with several rapid claps in between as Ryback gets to his feet and grabs Shannon's wrist once again, dragging him over to the corner and standing Shannon up. Ryback tells Matt to tag in but Matt refuses once again. Ryback shrugs and throws Shannon into the ropes, and as he comes off of them, Ryback connects with his tag team partner's move, the
Pounce.
Ryback walks over and tags Monty back into the match who walks over and pulls Shannon to a vertical base, hoisting him onto his shoulders as he marches around the ring and connects with Ryback's finishing move, the
Shellshocked. Monty drags Shannon over to Hardy now, telling Matt this is his last chance, but Hardy still refuses to tag in. Monty shrugs and drags Shannon over to his own corner, as he tags Ryback in. The two men collectively shout, "It's time to collect the bounty!" as they pull Shannon to his feet and hoist him into the air, Ryback with Shannon's head on his right shoulder, Monty with Shannon's lower body on his left shoulder as the two connect with what appears to be a double
Shellshocked, Monty exiting the ring after impact and returning to the apron as Ryback goes for the pin.
ONE!
Ryback doesn't even get the chance to count to two as Hardy runs into the ring and kicks him in the side of the face as hard as he can, breaking up the pin as Ryback falls to the mat.
Joey Styles: Well it's about time!
Mick Foley: I think that maybe there was a strategy here now.
Joey Styles: And what's the strategy?
Mick Foley: Matt let Shannon take all that punishment so that the Bounty Hunters would wear themselves out. Now they're tired and he's fresh.
Joey Styles: Brilliant.
Hardy drags Shannon over to their corner and steps onto the apron, turning around and tagging himself into the match. Matt leaps over the top rope and charges into the match like a house of fire, hitting Ryback with a dropkick as the big man gets to his feet. Hardy is up to his feet quickly as he begins stomping on Ryback violently, assaulting the head and upper back and shoulders. Ryback gets to his feet and goes for a lariat but Hardy leaps backward to avoid it and kicks Ryback in the abdomen, looking for the
Twist of Fate but as he hooks the head, Ryback places his hands on Hardy's abdomen and pushes him backward out of the move. Hardy is launched into the ropes and on his way back, Ryback goes for the
Pounce but Matt leap frogs over him and Ryback goes into the opposite ropes.
As Ryback is launched back towards Hardy, Matt connects with another standing dropkick that takes him down. Hardy heads to the nearest turnbuckle now and does his signature taunt where he makes the Hardy Boys hand gesture and points towards himself, signifying it's time for the
Leg Drop From The Atmosphere. Hardy leaps and connects with it, taking another step closer to wearing down the "Big Hungry". Matt is up to his feet as he stands there with his legs apart, bending towards Ryback with his arms outward and upward at his sides, his hands shaking anxiously as he sizes up the big man for the
Twist of Fate. Ryback gets to his feet woozily and turns around where Matt kicks him and hooks his head, connecting with the move quickly.
Monty Brown runs in but Matt catches him with the
Side Effect as Hardy gets up and mocks the Bounty Hunters by doing Ryback's, "Finish it!" taunt. Matt then went over to Ryback and applied a double underhook with a bodyscissors on him.
Joey Styles: Matt's breaking out the Ice Pick!
Mick Foley: Or the White Light Experience for you fans of independent wrestling.
As Hardy wrenches the hold and cinches it in tight, the big man finds himself with no choice but to submit as he begins tapping out and the bell is rung.
DING DING!
Christy Hemme: Here are your winners as the result of a Submission, Team Mattitude!
The crowd boos as Hardy releases the hold and gets to his feet, celebrating the victory with Shannon who has recently come to. As the two pose together, Anarchy returns to commercial.
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COMMERCIAL TWO
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DING DING!
Christy Hemme: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
As Hawkins makes his way down the ramp, Dolph comes running out from behind him and leaps, getting a handful of hair as he slams his face into the hard steel. The crowd boos as Dolph walks down to the ring and flips the apron up, grabbing something instantly as he begins to drag it into the sight of the crowd and they boo more intensely as they see that it's a ladder. Dolph picks up the ladder and angles it so that the top is facing Curt as he drives it down into his abdomen, inspiring gasps from the crowd. Dolph allows them to react for a moment before going back on the assault, driving the weapon repeatedly into his opponent's abdomen with little to no delay between each strike. After five strikes in rapid succession, Dolph relents, laying the ladder against the ring as he then walks back over to Curt, irish whipping him into the ladder as he hits with harsh impact and falls, the ladder landing on him soon after.
Dolph throws the ladder off of Hawkins and delivers an elbow drop, then stands up quickly and delivers another, and repeats this until he's delivered nine elbow drops, standing up and leaping into the air to add impact to the tenth. Curt sits up coughing as Dolph grabs the back of his head and pulls him to a vertical base, throwing him into the direction of the ring post as Curt hits face first and goes tumbling over the steel steps. Dolph goes to continue his assault but he is grabbed and turned around violently by Tyler Reks, who shoves him backward with force as Dolph stumbles over the steel steps and hits his head on the ground on the other side. Curt sits up dizzily as Tyler walks over to where he and Dolph are, throwing the steel steps out of the way as he grabs Dolph by both sides of the head and pulls him to a vertical base.
Dolph headbutts him in the bridge of the nose and leaps around the side of him, using Tyler's shoulder for leverage, and now stands behind Reks as he leaps up and connects with the
Zig Zag! Hawkins gets to his feet and runs at Dolph with his cane but Dolph leaps onto the ring apron to avoid the attack and delivers a kick to Hawkins' head. This gets Curt's attention as he swings at Dolph's legs but Dolph leaps over the attack quickly, to which Hawkins responds with a swing in the other direction, but Ziggler leaps over it then too. Curt grabs Dolph's leg and pulls him downward, causing Dolph to hit the back of his head on the ring apron and fall to the ground hard. Curt begins pummeling him with his cane now.
Mick Foley: Joey, I'm beginning to wonder if this match is ever going to officially get underway.
Joey Styles: You and me both, Mick.
After twelve shots with the cane, Curt tosses the weapon aside and enters the ring. Reks picks up Dolph and rolls him into it as the ring bell sounds, signifying the beginning of the match.
DING DING!
Ziggler gets to his feet as Hawkins comes straight for him, connecting with a hard right as the crowd responds with a, "Yay!". Ziggler returns with a hard right of his own as they respond with a, "Boo!". This exchange continues as the speed and frequency of the hits begins to pick up as each one lands, and after both men have landed ten each, Curt winds back for an eleventh but as he throws it, Dolph ducks and ends up behind him. He leaps up and goes for the
Zig Zag but Curt grabs his arm and goes to throw Dolph over his shoulder but Ziggler delivers a knee to the spine to stop it, keeping the arm locked around Curt's neck as he locks his other arm around it, applying a body scissors as he now has Hawkins in the sleeper hold.
Curt responds by leaping backward, slamming the mat, effectively sandwiching Dolph between it and his opponent. Hawkins got to his feet and turned, looking down at Dolph as he runs his hands through his hair and then flicks all eight fingers and both thumbs in his direction, mocking Ziggler with his own taunt. Ziggler rolls backward, his legs going over his head as he lands on his feet and stands up. Curt charges Dolph but the "Show Off" connects with a superkick that catches Hawkins off guard and sends him flying into the ropes as he gets hung up on the top one. Dolph leaps over the top rope onto the apron and pushes Hawkins free, leaping over the rope onto Curt's back, applying the sleeper hold again.
Joey Styles: That was impressive.
Mick Foley: Dolph Ziggler is quite the agile cat.
Joey Styles: Quite the agile what?
Mick Foley: Quite the agile performer.
Joey Styles: Really? Because it sounded like a bit of Dude Love was coming out of you.
Mick Foley: I don't know what you're talking about.
Curt reaches back and grabs Dolph, throwing him over his shoulder but Dolph lands on his feet. Hawkins cuts off anything Ziggler could have planned next as he connects with a twisting flipping leg hook belly-to-back suplex.
Joey Styles: What was that?
Mick Foley: He calls that the "One Night Stand". Ya know, like the old WWE concept.
Joey Styles: I'd rather spend one night in China.
Mick Foley: I feel like I've heard that joke before.
Joey Styles: I wasn't making a joke, it's a beautiful place.
Mick Foley: Oh.
Joey Styles: What'd you think I meant?
In the ring, Hawkins covers Dolph and hooks the leg as the referee runs over to count.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
NO!
Just as Hawkins thinks he has the match won, Dolph gets the shoulder up. Curt gets to his feet angrily as he anticipates his opponent's return to a vertical base. Dolph gets up as Curt goes for a clothesline but Dolph leaps over him and throws an elbow to the back of his head. Ziggler turns around quickly, taking advantage of the brief dizziness caused by his previous attack as he leaps up and connects with the
Zig Zag! Dolph covers Curt as the referee comes over to count the pin.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
THR..
Before the referee can count three, Tyler Reks pulls the referee out of the ring as he slides into the ring with Curt's cane in hand. Dolph gets to his feet, ready to fight, but suddenly Hawkins slips behind him and applies a full nelson. Dolph struggles in the hold as Reks winds back with the cane, ready to knock Dolph's head into the tenth row. As he swings, Ziggler throws his leg back and kicks Curt in the groin, falling to his knees to avoid the attack as the hold is released, the cane cracking Hawkins across the face as he falls to the mat hard and Dolph pushes Tyler backward through the ropes. Ziggler covers Curt as the referee re-enters the ring.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Christy Hemme: Here is your winner, Dolph Ziggler!
Ziggler celebrates his victory proudly as Reks enters the ring and checks on Hawkins. While this goes on, Anarchy returns to commercial.
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COMMERCIAL THREE
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DING DING!
Christy Hemme: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
[video=youtube;8FcYfuVW3t8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FcYfuVW3t8&feature=player_embedded[/video]
Derrick Bateman's music hits and the crowd is on their feet in excitement. Derrick and Johnny along with Maxine all come out and walk down the ramp together.
Christy Hemme: From the Dragon's Lair. Weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and eighty two pounds. Johnny Curtis, Derrick Bateman, and Maxine!
All three of them slide into the ring and get ready for the match ahead.
Christy Hemme: And the opponents...
IF YA SMELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!
And at that moment everyone freezes as the tron lights up to the titantron forever seen.
[video=youtube;dvyqn67m3io]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvyqn67m3io[/video]
is cookin…
The crowd erupts into boos as The Rock, Trish, and Umaga come out from the backstage and beginning walking down the ramp.
Christy Hemme: Being accompanied to the ring by The Rock. From Toronto, Ontario, Canada and the Isle of Samoa respectively. Weighing in at a combined weight of four hundred and seventy-five pounds. Trish Stratus and Umaga!
Both of them enter the ring as The Rock remains ringside. Derrick, Johnny, and Maxine all stand in their respective corner discussing who's going to begin the match for their team while, in the opposite corner of the ring, Umaga and Trish are both standing there, not discussing anything, they're just looking across at the Modern Day Double Dragons. The trio sees this as Johnny steps through the apron and Maxine does as well, leaving Bateman to start. Umaga and Trish shake their heads, leaving the Dragons looking confused. Trish now looks agitated as she shoves Christy.
"If you're going to hold this position, do it right!". Christy looks hurt as she raises her microphone hesistantly.
Christy Hemme: Per General Manager Stone Cold's orders, this match is now a Tornado Tag match which means all five competitors will be in the ring at the same time!
Trish and Umaga are practically licking their chops as Johnny and Maxine re-enter the ring. Derrick turns to Johnny.
Bateman: There's only one way we can beat this tub of lard, bro.
Curtis: What's that?
Bateman: We've gotta fuse.
Curtis: What are you talking about?
Bateman: Come on bro, you know, fuse. Two radical dudes becoming one super powerful, crime fighting, dancing, Super Saiyan. Let's do it!
Curtis: I don't know the dance, dude.
Bateman: You serious? Umm, alright, we can use the Potara earrings. Maxine, gimme your earrings.
Maxine: No.
Bateman: Come on, Maxine, we need 'em.
Curtis: Dude, are you sure they're Potara?
Maxine: They're Taara.
Bateman: Close enough, give 'em here.
Maxine reluctantly removes her earrings and hands one to Bateman and one to Curtis as both men put one in, Bateman in his left ear and Curtis in his right as the two stand there with their eyes clenched tightly, smiling like laughing children as they wait to be fused together.
Joey Styles: These two are idiots!
Mick Foley: Disapproving of their comedy is one thing, but burying them is another.
Joey Styles: I'm not burying them.
Mick Foley: In a way you are. I'm sure there are fans that have listened to you bash them week in and week out and now believe them to be idiots. Those are the number one contenders to the tag team championships, Joey, they're going to be representing our brand at Money in the Bank, show 'em a little respect, huh?
Joey Styles: They're standing in the middle of the ring with women's jewelry on because they think it's going to make them one person because they saw it on a cartoon.
Mick Foley: An anime.
Joey Styles: Yeah, pretty sure Matt Striker and I had the same discussion and guess what? Still don't care.
The Rock: The Rock says this is the most ridiculous thing he's ever witnessed during his time in professional wrestling and that's saying a lot considering he once called a match between Pokemon.
Joey Styles: I don't remember that.
The Rock: It's in the UWF Archives, jabroni, don't you read the Dresden Dose?
Mick Foley: Rock, I'm not sure you should be breaking the fourth wall like that.
The Rock: Well ya know what, Mick Foley, The Rock says this. The same people like you that sit there and tell The Rock what he can and cannot say are the same people trying to tell The Rock what shows he can and can't appear on. The Rock goes wherever he damn well pleases, and you should be grateful for it because Anarchy needs the star power, especially when you've got Batman, Robin, and Batgirl in the ring there, Joker hiding somewhere in the back still moping about his loss at Wrestlemania, Mr. Freeze sittin' in the General Manager's office with the Scarecrow smiling ear-to-ear because they reformed their tag team that only a few people remember, and then you got Kraven the Hunter holding the Extreme Championship and Rhino holding the International Championship wondering why in the blue hell they're surrounded by all these DC characters.
Mick Foley: So you breaking the fourth wall makes you Deadpool then?
The Rock: Now why would you compare The Rock to someone like Deadpool? The Rock will go down to the local comic shop, pull Deadpool out of any given panel, and whip his monkey ass. The Rock's not Deadpool, Cesspool, Drowning Pool, Genepool, Blackpool, Kiddie Pool, or any other kind of pool, The Rock is The Rock. The Rock should have his own comic book and his own big screen adaptation, The Rock's already a movie star, it wouldn't be hard.
Mick Foley: So you're saying you can beat any of the superheroes, Marvel or DC?
The Rock: Excuse me, but are you just meeting The Rock for the first time today? Of course The Rock can beat any of the superheroes in Marvel or DC.
Mick Foley: So Spider-Man?
The Rock: The Rock would wrap his monkey ass in his own web and hang him up in front of his Aunt May's bedroom window.
Mick Foley: Wolverine?
The Rock: The Rock eats adamantium for breakfast, you can line every one of the X-Men up one by one, single file, and The Rock will beat 'em all.
Mick Foley: Superman?
The Rock: That would be one of the most one sided beatings in history. As sure as Joey Styles looks like Pee Wee Herman's nerdy brother and you Mick Foley are a shoe-in for Captain Caveman if they ever write a script for the big screen, all it would take for The Rock to beat Superman is palm a bit of kryptonite, shine it up real nice, turn that sumbitch sideways, and stick it straight up his candy ass!
Joey Styles: Are you just going to sit there stroking Rock's ego or are we actually going to have a match?
The Rock: You want a match with The Rock?
Mick Foley: I think he wants a match with the most electrifying tag team on commentary, The Ro-
The Rock: Don't say it, don't you dare say it. You wanna watch Batman and Robin skip around and embarass themselves, be The Rock's guest, Joey Styles.
The Rock gets up from the commentary table and stands ringside as Bateman and Curtis are still standing there waiting for the fusion to occur. While this is happening, Umaga has Maxine up on his shoulders as he delivers a devastating Samoan Drop.
Joey Styles: That's not right!
Mick Foley: There were no Mixed rules placed on this match, Joey, unfortunately it's fair game.
The impact from the move causes Curtis to open his eyes slightly as they then shoot open with rage. He shoves Bateman, who opens his eyes and looks at Curtis with shock and frustration. Johnny points in the direction of what's happened and Derrick becomes enraged as well as the two men go after Umaga, grabbing one another's wrists and taking the big man down with a double clothesline. The two begin stomping on Umaga as Trish spins Derrick around, who impulsively slaps her across the face as Trish is knocked on her butt. Derrick's rage is suddenly pacified as he cries out to his partner.
Bateman: Johnny!
Curtis: I'm kinda busy right now, bro.
Bateman: But Johnny, I just did something horrible!
Curtis: What?
Bateman: I hit a girl, dude!
Curtis: So? Umaga just hit a girl.
Bateman: But I don't know how his mama raised him, I do know how Mama Bateman raised me and I was taught never to hit girls!
Curtis: Dude, it's alright, she's a wrestler.
Bateman: I've gotta call Mama Bateman and ask for forgiveness!
Derrick runs to the side of the ring nearest the stage as he leaps over the top rope to the floor and takes off running up the ramp, disappearing backstage. Curtis throws up his hands like, "What are you doing?" as Umaga gets to his feet behind him. Curtis senses this and slowly shifts his eyes to the left before turning his head gradually and cautiously, facing his opponent. Umaga hits him with the
Samoan Spike and Johnny goes down hard. Umaga goes for the pin but before he can, none other than Matt Striker slides into the ring and goes right after the beast.
As Striker begins unloading on the "Samoan Bulldozer", the referee stands there watching it all unfold, not even considering calling a disqualification, almost as if he wants to see Matt Striker get destroyed. After absorbing a few blows, Umaga catches one of Striker's punches and bends his hand backward at the wrist, bringing Striker to his knees. Umaga knees him in the chest, knocking him onto his back as Matt now looks on in terror, trying to get away. Umaga grabs him by the neck and pulls him to his feet, throwing him in Trish's direction who hits him with a Lou Thesz Press, beating Striker's head against the mat instead of punching him.
Joey Styles: Haha! Matt Striker's getting beaten up by a girl!
The Rock: A girl? That's Trish Stratus you're talking about you pencil neck geek. Maxine is a girl, that's why she got steamrolled into a piece of Bazooka Joe by Umaga. Trish Stratus is a woman, the greatest Women's Champion of all time, of all time, Joey!
Joey Styles: I...
Before Joey can respond, Rock grabs him by the back of the head and slams his face into the desk repeatedly seven times before standing him up and delivering a
Rock Bottom. Mick grabs Rock's bicep but Rock turns and punches him in the mouth, knocking him back into his chair. Rock slides into the ring as Trish gets off of Matt Striker and grabs Matt, throwing him into the corner and punching him repeatedly before cocking back with his hand, looking at it before hitting Matt again as hard as he can. He hoists Striker up and delivers a spinebuster to the center of the ring. Rock stands up and points to Trish and Umaga, instructing Umaga to stand beside him and Trish to stand at Striker's head. Rock tells her to "Do it." as Trish takes off into the ropes, running to the other side before coming back and delivering the
People's Elbow!
Trish steps away as Rock instructs Umaga to go next as Umaga runs the ropes and connects with a
People's Elbow as well! Umaga steps away as the man himself steps up and connects with the
People's Elbow himself! Johnny Curtis runs over but Rock catches him with a spinebuster on top of Matt Striker. As the two men are piled on top of each other, Rock and Umaga and Trish all hit the ropes, then the opposite ropes as they return to above their opponents and connect with a
Triple People's Elbow. The Rock points at the referee who cowers back.
Mick Foley: I can't say I blame him.
At this time, Bateman comes out from the backstage, running happily with a big smile on his face until he sees his friends all down in the ring, stopping dead in his tracks one he sees this. Bateman begins to become enraged as The Rock motions for him to "Just Bring It". Bateman charges the ring and as he slides into it, all three of them go after him. Derrick scoops up Maxine and throws her at Trish, knocking her down. Bateman hits Umaga with a dropkick to knock the beast back. Rock goes after Bateman but he lifts Rock onto his shoulders and begins spinning around.
Mick Foley: The Deviant! Derrick Bateman has The Rock up for The Deviant!
Bateman is smiling from ear-to-ear as he has his hero in his finishing move, but the moment is cut short as Umaga drills Derrick with the
Samoan Spike! Bateman goes down as Umaga covers him, Rock instructing the referee to count.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
NO!
Johnny Curtis leaps over and breaks up the pin. Curtis clotheslines Rock over the top rope, him going over as well as the two hit the ground on the outside. Umaga grabs Bateman by the throat and pulls him to his feet as Derrick connects with a thumb to the eye. Umaga, though blinded, goes for the
Samoan Spike again but Bateman ducks it and lifts Umaga onto his shoulders, beginning to spin around as fast as he can.
Mick Foley: What strength! Bateman has Umaga up for The Deviant!
After what Derrick feels has been a sufficient amount of spinning, Bateman manuevers the situation into a Samoan Drop as he slams Umaga into the mat. Derrick turns and covers Umaga as the referee comes over to count the pin.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
NO!
Just as it appears the Modern Day Double Dragons may have the win, Trish Stratus breaks up the pin, but Maxine isn't far behind as she runs over and bulldogs Trish. Bateman gets up but so does Umaga who goozles him. Derrick looks frightened when suddenly the lights go out.
"Yo listen up, here's the story
about a little guy that lives in a blue world.
And all day and all night and everything
he sees is just blue, like him,
inside and outside.
Blue his house, with a blue little window,
and a blue Corvette,
and everything is blue for him,
and his self, and everybody around,
cuz he ain't got nobody to listen to...listen to...listen to....listen..."
[video=youtube;zA52uNzx7Y4]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zA52uNzx7Y4[/video]
The lights begins flashing like they would in a dance club and as the "Da Be Dee"'s come in, Fandango has entered the ring as his right foot is tapping along. He breaks out into dance moves as Umaga can't believe what he's seeing. While he's distracted, Bateman gets free from his grip and delivers a stiff elbow to the back of his head. The lights come back up and the music quits playing as Bateman suplexes Umaga while Fandango goes to the top rope. The fans cheer as Fandango looks to be going for the flying leg drop but before he can do that, Trish places her hands on the second ropes and bridges her body upward, catching him around the neck with her legs as she throws Fandango forward off of the top.
Fandango falls towards Umaga but he rolls out of the way and Fandango eats nothing but mat. Maxine goes after Trish but she hooks her head at her side and leaps, springing off of the ropes and turning, bulldogging her.
Mick Foley: Ooh, Stratusfaction!
Joey Styles: What day is it?
Mick Foley: Friday.
Joey Styles: We're having Anarchy on a Friday?
Mick Foley: Yes.
Joey Styles: Okay, I'm gonna lay back down now, my head still hurts.
In the ring, Bateman is nowhere to be seen as Umaga grabs Fandango and brings him to a vertical base. He throws him onto his shoulders and looks for a Samoan Drop but then the lights go out again, the only visible one being a spotlight cast at the top of the arena.
Mick Foley: The Bate Signal!
The lights come back up as Bate Man slides into the ring, going after Umaga as he dives at the leg, taking it out as Umaga falls forward, Fandango slipping out of Samoan Drop position and managing to maneuver the situation and connecting with a DDT. The crowd is going nuts as Bate Man and Fandango stand together but Trish has seen enough as she leaps onto Bate Man's back as The Rock re-enters the ring, turning Fandango around. Things seem to look bleak for the "Fro'd Crusader" and the dancing sensation but as The Rock throws a punch at Fandango, he falls to the mat split-legged to avoid it, then pops back up and grabs Rock, going for the
Rock Bottom but Rock connects with an elbow to the side of the head and exits the ring quickly.
Meanwhile, Bate Man grabs Trish by the hair and throws her over his head, slamming her to the mat as she lands in a seated position, holding her lower back in pain. Maxine delivers a swinging kick to Trish's mouth, knocking her backward as her head whips violently against the mat. Umaga gets to his feet as Fandango and Bate Man, each man on one side of the "Samoan Bulldozer" charge to attack him but Umaga grabs them by the back of their heads and slams their faces together. Umaga hoists up Fandango and hits him with a Samoan Drop then stands up just as Bate Man's going for another attack, knocking the hero down with a superkick.
Mick Foley: This isn't good. The Modern Day Double Dragons have used every trick in the book, and Umaga is still standing.
Suddenly Matt Striker, who's been in the ring the entire time, comes over and low blows Umaga as the monster falls to his knees in pain. Striker goes to follow up but Rock slides into the ring behind him. Matt, sensing someone is behind him, turns around where he is hit with a
Rock Bottom for his troubles. Rock stands Umaga up and tells him to finish the job as Umaga heads over to the fallen Double Dragons, Rock exiting the ring.
Bate Man crawls over to Fandango as they two begin to strategize.
Bate Man: What're we gonna do?
Fandango: Why...are you talking like that?
Bate Man: Why are you talking like that?
Fandango: Alright let's just communicate in our normal voices.
Bate Man: Sounds good. What're we gonna do? We've thrown everything at this guy and he just keeps comin'.
Fandango: I've got one more trick up my sleeve.
Bate Man: What is it?
Fandango: Hit him with a Shoryuken.
Bate Man: What are we, Ryu and Ken now?
Fandango: Just do it!
Bate Man turns and charges at Umaga, hitting him with an uppercut and shouting
"Shoryuken!" as the force is enough to cause Umaga to turn his back to Fandango who runs over, turning his back to Umaga, as he connects with an over the shoulder belly-to-back piledriver.
Mick Foley: The Bid Farewell!
Fandango covers Umaga as the crowd is electric that the Double Dragons may pick up the win.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
THRE...NO!
At the last possible moment, Trish breaks up the pin as she kicks Fandango in the face, knocking him off of Umaga. Maxine grabs Trish but Trish turns and clotheslines her to the mat. Bate Man grabs Trish and throws her onto his shoulders, executing the
Deviant as Fandango covers Umaga again.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
NO!
The Rock pulls the referee out of the ring as Fandango gets up and dives through the ropes, knocking himself and Rock into the ringside barricade. Umaga rolls over onto his stomach as he begins pushing himself up with his arms. Bate Man sets Trish down as he charges Umaga, who gets up and grabs Bate Man, connecting with a one-armed spinebuster. Umaga gets to his feet as Fandango leaps onto the top rope and springs off of it. Umaga turns and catches him, connecting with a Samoan Drop. Umaga throws Fandango on top of Bate Man as Trish whips Maxine in his direction, where he delivers a Samoan Drop on her, adding her to the pile.
Striker looks to get involved but Umaga levels him with a
Samoan Spike and adds him to the pile as well as he and Trish cover them.
ONE!
...
TWO!
...
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Christy Hemme: Here are your winners, Trish Stratus and Umaga!
The two get up and are joined by The Rock as all three of them celebrate their victory as Anarchy heads to commercial.
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COMMERCIAL FOUR
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DING DING!
Christy Hemme: The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Davenport, IA....SETH ROLLINS!
[video=youtube;ckTHxaZ_50A]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckTHxaZ_50A&feature=player_embedded[/video]
Joey Styles: Making his way down to the ring, a somewhat renewed Seth Rollins.
Mick Foley: I think, and I think many people think that this guy is a shoe-in for Money In The Bank.
Joey Styles: It's hard to argue but I think his opponent tonight might disagree.
'Guys Like You Make Us Look Bad' by Blessthefall begins blasting out of the PA System as Seth Rollins doesn't enter from behind the curtain instead he comes out via the crowd as he somersaults over the barricade as he then slides into the ring.
Christy Hemme: And introducing his opponent, from Chicago, IL.....CM PUNK!
[video=youtube;oq4Lbe_Vl5w]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=oq4Lbe_Vl5w[/video]
Joey Styles: CM Punk making his way to the ring with fire in his eyes.
Mick Foley: This guy is from Chicago, a place that holds a lot of memories for me, and he represents that city with pride.
CM Punk makes his way down the ramp as the fans' booing has turned into a mix of boos and cheers. He runs up the steps and enters the ring and glares across at Rollins.
Mick Foley: This has the potential to be a 5-star classic.
Joey Styles: No doubt, Mick. These two athletes are in the prime of their careers and both are looking to make a statement going into Money In The Bank.
DING DING DING!
The bell rings as both men begin to circle each other around the ring. After a brief moment, they meet in the middle in a collar-elbow tie-up. Punk gets the upperhand and puts Seth in a headlock. Seth then backs Punk into the ropes and sends him into them. Punk rebounds off and shoulder tackles Rollins. Rollins falls to the mat but them throws himself on his stomach. Punk bounces off the ropes but stops himself as Seth gets up. Punk stretches his arms out and yells "I'M THE BEST IN THE WORLD!" at Rollins as he storms forward. Punk sidesteps Rollins and sends him over the top rope. Rollins lands on the apron and waits for Punk to turn around. As he does, Rollins catches him with a springboard clothesline. Rollins goes for a pin.
1..
2..
KICK-OUT!
Rollins picks Punk up and goes for a back body drop. Punk reverses by flipping over to his feet. Punk clips Rollins' knees afterwards and sends Seth back to the mat. Punk drops to his knees and starts bashing Rollins in the side of the neck with elbow after elbow. Punk then makes a cover.
1..
2..
KICK-OUT!
Punk pounds on the mat and gets up and starts arguing with the ref, telling him that it was a three-count. As he does this, Rollins gets to his feet and goes for a back body drop again. This time, as Punk tries to reverse, Seth throws some extra torque and sends Punk back-flipping straight onto his stomach. Rollins wastes no time and throws an armbar on Punk to wear him down. Punk struggles for a bit but eventually counters the armbar with a cradle pin.
1..
2..
KICK-OUT!
Joey Styles: This match has just been like a ping-pong match.
Mick Foley: Oh, back and forth. I see what you did there, Joey!
Joey Styles: You're not the only aspiring stand-up comedian here!
Mick Foley: Not if you can't understand sarcasm.
Rollins kicks himself out and is the first to his feet. He meets Punk with an armdrag. He meets Punk up again and hits another after another. He then grabs Punk's arm and puts on another armbar, this one a standing armbar. Punk then trips Rollins up with a go-behind takedown and he lets go of the hold. Punk then applies a facedown headlock on the mat. He slowly brings Seth to his feet and lets go of the headlock. He then drops Rollins with a textbook standing dropkick. Punk then begins to stalk Seth, trying to set up for a Go To Sleep.
Joey Styles: Punk is about to go for his patented Go To Sleep! This could be it!
Mick Foley: Indeed, it could.
Rollins slowly gets to his feet as Punk gets ready to set up the GTS. Seth had it scouted and, as Punk hoists Seth onto his shoulders, Seth slips out and behind him. He pushes Punk into the ropes. As he comes back, Rollins leapfrogs Punk and turns around and both men take each other down with a clothesline. After a few seconds, Punk lays his arm over Seth and the referee counts.
1..
2..
KICK-OUT!
Rollins barely gets the shoulder up. Both men slowly begins to make their way back up. As they do, they meet in the middle and begins exchanging punches. Punk gets the upper hand and then sends Rollins into the corner. Punk then nails the shining wizard and following bulldog. Punk then goes for a pin.
1..
2..
KICK-OUT!
Rollins just won't stay down. Punk then signals for the GTS once more. As Rollins gets up, Punk sets up for the GTS but as he puts Rollins on his shoulders, Seth grabs the top rope and hangs on. Punk tries to get him free but instead decides to toss him over the top rope to the floor below. As Punk goes to grab Rollins by the hair, Seth grabs Punk's legs and drives him to the mat. He then takes Punk's leg, one by one, and slams them down onto the apron in a very violent manner. Seth then hops up onto the apron and climbs the top rope. He waits for Punk to get up and, as he does, he nails Rollins with a kick to the head. Punk then scales the top rope and hits a frankensteiner. Both men are down and out.
Mick Foley: This has been one hell of a match so far.
Joey Styles: You got that right, Mick!
The referee's count is up to 6 before any kind of movement occurs. Punk slowly gets enough strength to put his arm over Rollins.
1..
2..
KICK-OUT!
Punk can't believe it as he tries to get up to his feet. Seth does the same and, as Punk takes too long signalling for another GTS, Seth has already set up for the Total Blackout.
Joey Styles: Total Blackout! Rollins may just defeat Punk!
As Rollins goes for the superkick, Punk ducks and simultaneously hoists him onto his shoulders. Punk then nails him with the Go To Sleep. Punk then makes the cover.
1..
2..
3!!
YOUR WINNER @13:15 CM PUNK!!!
Punk begins to celebrate as Rollins rolls out of the ring. A few ringside employees are trying to help Seth to the back but Seth refuses their help and shoves them away. He seems rather disappointed in himself for not getting the job done. Punk is on the top turnbuckle with his arms spread wide as "Cult of Personality" blares from the PA system. As Punk gets down, he hasn't realized that UWF International Champion Rhino is in the ring as well.
Joey Styles: I think Punk's celebration is about to be cut off.
Mick Foley: Turn around, Punk!
As Punk turns around, Rhino nails him with a hellacious Gore, nearly braking Punk in half. Rhino scales the top rope as Punk's music is replaced by his.
Mick Foley: Our Champion just made one hell of a statement.
Joey Styles: You can say that again, Mick. But he might not be "Our Champion" after Money In The Bank.
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COMMERCIAL FIVE
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As Anarchy returns from commercial, S.C.A.R. is already in the ring. As Anarchy returns from commercial, Rhino looks unhappy as he finds himself alone against the villainous force that is S.C.A.R. Rhino gets ready to fight but before he can, the lights go out as the arena explodes into cheers.
Mick Foley: Well the numbers may have just evened up, Joey!
As the lights come back on, there is Sting as he points his bat at S.C.A.R. defiantly. A smile appears on Rhino's face until Sting turns and drills him in the stomach with the bat, inspiring boos from the crowd.
Joey Styles: What's he doing?
Sting throws the bat down suddenly and bends down, hoisting Rhino onto his shoulders, connecting with the
Go To Sleep as everyone in the arena now realizes what's going on. Sting removes his jacket and balls it up, wiping away some of his face paint, and when he throws the jacket down everyone can see enough of it gone to see that it isn't Sting at all, but CM Punk.
Joey Styles: Well if you're going to get a measure of revenge, that's certainly the way to do it.
Mick Foley: It's effective, but it sucks. These people want to see Sting!
Punk, Austin, and Raven surround Rhino as they put the boots to him when suddenly the cavalry arrives as Jimmy Jacobs and Seth Rollins come sprinting down the ramp and slide into the ring. Rollins dives on Punk and Jacobs dives on Raven but the numbers even up again as Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore come running down to the ring and pull Jacobs and Rollins away and start beating them down. It's at this point that Foley leaves the commentary table again and enters the ring, spinning Shannon Moore around and applying the
Mandible Claw! This goes on until Ziggler slides into the ring and leaps onto Foley's back, applying the sleeper hold as Foley falls to the mat on his face.
As the heels are taking over, the locker room empties like it did last week as Taz, the Bounty Hunters, the Modern Day Double Dragons, Kurt Angle, and The Undertaker come running down the ramp and surround the ring. Austin, Raven, Punk, Ziggler, Hardy, and Moore all stand together as Rhino, Rollins, Jacobs, and Foley join the crusade on the outside. The men in the ring look around them, surveying that they're outnumbered six to eleven as the men on the outside of the ring are closing in on them. Suddenly the man in the ski mask leaps over the ring barricade from the crowd and spears Angle to the ground.
The Modern Day Double Dragons pull him off of Angle but before they can do anything, Umaga comes running over and takes them down with a double
Samoan Spike as he and the masked man slide into the ring. It's then that the good guys enter the ring and the war is on; Taz going after Umaga, Ryback going after Ziggler, Jacobs going after Hardy, Rollins going after Moore, Foley going after Raven, Brown going after Punk, Undertaker going after the masked man, and Rhino going after Austin. Chaos is breaking out as the men brawl eight-on-eight until Bateman and Curtis come to and go to re-enter the fray but they're met on the outside of the ring by Bray Wyatt and Damien Sandow.
Chaos is breaking out as Taz applies the
Tazzmission to Umaga while Ryback picks up Ziggler for the
Shellshocked and Rollins hits Moore with a superkick at the same time that Punk hits Monty Brown with the
Go To Sleep, the masked man spears the Undertaker, and Raven hits Foley with the
Evenflow DDT. Ryback hits Ziggler with the
Shellshocked as Taz releases Umaga from the
Tazzmission, throwing him out of the ring as Ziggler, Moore, Brown, Undertaker, and Foley all roll out of the ring under the bottom rope.
Hardy then kicks Rollins and sets him up for the
Twist of Fate as Raven kicks Jacobs and sets him up for the
Evenflow DDT. Both men connect at the same time that the masked man spears Ryback and Austin hits Taz with a
Stone Cold Stunner as Rollins, Jacobs, Ryback, and Taz roll out of the ring under the bottom rope. Rhino hits Hardy with a
Gore as he realizes the numbers game is upon him again, sending Matt to the outside of the ring before Raven, Austin, Punk, and the masked man all dive on him, beating him down with punches and kicks.
The crowd begins a passionate chant for Sting at this point as Rhino is even crying out for him, when suddenly the lights go out.
Joey Styles: Yes! Yes! Please say it's him!
As the lights come back on, the arena explodes as Sting is in the ring with his trusty bat in hand. The masked man comes after Sting first but Sting whips him into the far corner and takes off running across the ring, hitting him with the
Stinger Splash! Sting turns around quickly and comes charging back towards the group, clobbering Austin in the head with the bat as the Rattlesnake goes down. Rhino is allowed to get up now as he hits Raven with a
Gore but the two men have made a grave mistake by forgetting someone as Punk hits Rhino in the back of the head with a devastating kick before turning and pulling Sting off of Austin, throwing him onto his shoulders and connecting with the
Go To Sleep!
The crowd is booing as Punk stands there proudly, Raven walking up and standing beside him, the masked man coming up and standing on the other side of Punk. Austin, having exited the ring while this is going on, re-enters as he walks up to Punk and drapes the International Championship over his shoulder before walking over and standing on the other side of Raven. All four men join hands and raise their arms into the air as the crowd boos viciously and begin throwing trash into the ring at them. The image of S.C.A.R. standing over Sting and Rhino is the last thing we see as Anarchy fades to black.
CREDITS
Team Mattitude promo, Punk vs. Rollins- The Hoov
Everything else- Chris Dresden
