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The screen goes to static and the letters C.U.N.T. are spelled out as we hear
'The following broadcast was paid for by the C.U.N.T.'
The scene fades in to a pirate ship out in the water, it has the words 'SS C.U.N.T.' written on the side, we go to Grado first who stands on the deck
Grado: It's yerself. In about one week’s time from now my best pal Shark Boy is stepping into the biggest match of the year. If canny ken how big this match is, let me put it this way. The winner of this match goes into the main event match for the World title at Wrestlemania. This match, is of course, the Royal Rumble. 30 men, 1 winner, 1 main event, 1 title shot. Well I'm here, the C.U.N.T. is here to tell ye's aw right now that Shark Boy is gonnae run into the ring full of fire and he's gonnae start peltin' folk, smashin' them wae Dead Sea Drops and sendin' them o'er the top rope wae the Chummer. And as much as myself and Paul would like to be in the Royal Rumble, Shark Boy knows he's got us on his side and we're no gonnae let anycunt dae him out of the opportunity that he deserves, and it doesn'y matter who we have to bust, be it Daniel Bryan, Damien Sandow, Dean Ambrose, Christian or even John Cena who's just decided to show up to the party after Shark Boy left.... not one of ye's will stand in the way of The C.U.N.T.
We now cut to Paul Burchill who is in the wheelhouse
Paul Burchill: And if any of you fellows are feeling rather plucky, then we invite you to try and stand in our way. We'll give you two examples of why ye shouldn't. One, Prince Devitt and his Bullet Club haven't been seen after C.U.N.T. put them firmly in their place as filthy landlubbers. Secondly, Mr Kennedy and Johnny Gargano, one man a former Hardcore Champion here in UWF, resoundingly defeated. To put it plainly, anyone who wishes to try their luck is more than welcome. 29 other men, are more than welcome. Because when it comes down to it, the winner of this match will be Shark Boy. And if any of ye scurvy dogs try and stop that from happening, well then ye'd best be prepared to walk the plank at the hands of the C.U.N.T.
We finally cut to Shark Boy who is wandering the hallways
Shark Boy: That's right you sons of bitches, I've said just about all I can to yer faces so I came back here to the SS C.U.N.T. and met with my crew mates to discuss what we missed, and what we missed was mentioning that... well, these two crazy sumbitches right here, Grado and Paul Burchill are gon' have Shark Boy's back at the Royal Rumble. Now whilst all you meely mouthed pricks are in that ring pretending that Shark Boy's still there, I'd like to put it to you that y'all get out the ring, hit the gym and start trainin' just like Shark Boy done. Y'see Shark Boy's on a strict diet, it's called the C.U.N.T Diet. Now in this C.U.N.T. Diet, it's real simple, it's all ya can eat. So long as you make sure to wash it down with C.U.N.T's beverage of choice, which is of course cold beer. Now Paul put up a fight against that particular decision but it stands.
Now diet aside, since Shark Boy's left that ring he's been watchin' it at home on his TV set, he's seen John Cena join the party and he's seen Sami Callihan and his little group of crazy bastards come along for the ride as well. First off John Cena, I don't know where you've been, or what you've been doin' for the past 'lil while but since you've been gone, doin' whatever Cena does, whether that's a new rap album or another dumb movie, there's a new bunch of leaders here in the UWF. It ain't the New World Order, it ain't even Your Enlightened Saviours, it's the Council of Underwater and Nomadic Talent, the C.U.N.T!. And to put it plainly to ya Cena, we're takin' over and there ain't a damn thing anything, or anyone can do 'bout that!
And this ain't no case of John Cena, Dean Ambrose and all the other big UWF names, the legends, the former champions being big fishes in a small pond. UWF ain't no small pond, and it ain't your pond. Nah, what this is, is Shark Boy's Ocean. And right now y'all in the ring are swimmin' dangerously close to a bass whippin'. Now we can have all this talk from you Cena, we can have all this talk of Shark Boy crackin' ya up, Shark Boy makin' ya laugh. But let me tell ya this John, Shark Boy ain't here to make people laugh, Shark Boy and The C.U.N.T. ain't no laughin' matter. We're here to be taken seriously, we're here to win championships and Shark Boy's gon' be in that Royal Rumble to win the damn Royal Rumble. So ya best stop tryin' to buddy up to Shark Boy, tryin' to be Shark Boy's friend because Shark Boy ain't got no friends outside of these two sumbitches, and everybody should know that the biggest shark in the water tends to swim in his own.
Now then, Sami Callihan, Im'ma keep it real damn simple for ya kid, mainly because I don't rate ya as the intelligent type. You and yer lil' buddy Brodie better stay outta my damn way too. But that's just business, personally, I like the shell outta you boys, I watched ya on Smackdown this past week, I saw ya raise shell and whip bass just like C.U.N.T. and I saw ya both take those fruity sumbitches Fandango and Ethan Carter The Third to the limit. And ya did enough to make Shark Boy say he likes ya. But don't let that fool ya boys, Shark Boy ain't yer friend, 'cos like I said before, this Shark swims in a three man pod with Grado and Paul Burchill and there ain't space for anymore than that. Fishin' line is, ya can impress Shark Boy, ya can raise shell on Smackdown because I'm all for that, but do not get in Shark Boy's way of winnin' the Royal Rumble, main eventin' 'Mania and finally winnin' the big one.
And the same goes for everybody else, and I'd like to add that an enemy of Shark Boy, for example, any dumb sumbitch who tries to throw Shark Boy over the top and to the floor, is an enemy of The C.U.N.T. and believe me we'll be on yer bass quicker than Grado's in and out of the gym. This is our time, this is Shark Boy's time, and it ain't egocentric, it ain't selfish, it's just what needs to happen. This company needs a real bass whipper on top, they need a Chief Shellraiser. Matt Morgan, Shawn Michaels and Eddie Guerrero may well be talented cats but let me tell ya, let us all tell ya, they don't have the urge to raise shell, the urge to whip bass and the urge to take over the whole damn show like C.U.N.T. do.
We cut back to Grado
Grado: Aye, so all you dirty bastards in the Rumble better listen in 'cos we aren't gonnae repeat it, this is our time to shine and nane of you bawbags can change that. The C.U.N.T. will be there on Sunday, wae bells on, and we'll be there to change the face of wrestling forever. We'll be there to set a new standard for the amounts of... shell raised. And we'll be there to show you that The C.U.N.T. is all about the business of kickin' arse and you'll see at the Rumble that The C.U.N.T. is well and truly open.... for business.
We finally cut back to Shark Boy who finishes up
Shark Boy: AND THAT'S THE FISHIN' LIIIINE... 'COS SHARK BOY AND THE C.U.N.T. SAID SO!
John Cena: Folks, welcome to UWF, the ultimate insane asylum and if you wasn’t sure before, I bet ‘cha are now after seeing those three fruit loops cutting a promo and let’s not forget Sami Callihan just before that!
John Cena stands there bemused for another moment, sniggering more at what C.U.N.T just produced more than anything else before finally gathering his thoughts to respond seriously.
So you three are taking over, hey I’m not against it; but I can think of quite a few people who would be but if this is about which inmate is gonna’ run the asylum then consider John Cena’s hat officially in the mix ‘cause UWF needs a leader and there ain’t anyone better than the Cenation Leader himself! I’m sure all you fans would rather John Cena running the place over say, than Steve Borden running a brand to the brink; oh wait, that’s happened once before and look how Anarchy turned out.
John Cena bites his knuckle with a smug grin across his face, even trotting on the spot knowing that probably hit a nerve with Steve Borden who does not look impressed.
Settle down there Steve don’t get all preachy with me just yet, ‘cause I ain’t finished! Now, where was I, oh yes that’s it, I was talking to other inmates, especially my new bbf Shark Boy; y’all got some guts, I’m presuming fish guts but guts nevertheless son, and that’s some big rep coming in as the smallest fish in this match and looking to take over but just remember sumthin’ you gotta get through me and twenty eight other guys before get to be cap’tain of the ship and I ain’t quite ready to give up my stake on the helm; hell, Steve Borden still hasn’t given up his position on the helm in over twenty year even though he was nothing more than first mate.
The fans, “oooh,” at John Cena’s snide remark at the fact Sting was never the guy.
Man, Stinger I’m getting you hook line and sinker tonight.
John Cena pauses again and calms himself down.
Sorry for the fishing puns but Shark Boy has just gotten to me.
Cena finally gets himself back on track with one big deep breathe before finally getting down to the serious business.
In all seriousness Sharky, if you wanna bring it; then you can bring it, bring you’re A game, bring Grado, bring Captain Crunch, bring the whole ship but expect John Cena to be standing on the proverbal shore ready to bring it and I ain’t just sayin’ that because I’m really amped up for this, I’m ready to turn over a new leaf to bring it to everybody in the ring; y’all won’t know what ya when you go up against me ‘cause I’m fightin’ for hustle, I’m fightin’ loyalty, I’m fightin’ respect but I ain’t expecting y’all to get that because it’s a personal thing for me but y’all gonna see a difference this Sunday; ‘cause I ain’t gonna go down easy, and I ain’t gonna down cheap, and I ain’t gonna bring cheap; I’m gonna bring the real thing, the legit thing, and Steve, I hope you’ve been paying attention ‘cause you’re gonna see how you really fight for yer cause.
Not by whinin’ and cryin’ but by lettin’ your actions speak louder than words which is sumthin’ I’m still waitin’ to see from ya, in fact every single fan in the arena, in the world for that matter, Steve; is waiting to see if Steve Borden has got the actions to back up his words and right now.
And if I was a bettin’ man; I’d reckon I woulda lost all my cash bankin’ on ya doin’ anything of substance and that’s saying sumthin’ ‘bout how far my opinion of ya has fallen Steve but eh, if you wanna prove me wrong the stage will yours to do so this Sunday but if all you’re gonna’ do is talk smack and wrestle trash then don’t even bother showing up Sunday ‘cause I’ll just dump ya over the top rope by myself.
The fans cheer as John Cena has resembled his much more intense and serious approach.
As for Sami Callihan, if you weren’t expecting some painful defeats on the long way to becoming a champ; ya in the wrong business son, ‘cause for three hundred plus days a year; you’ve gotta bleed blood, sweat and tears to get somewhere and sometimes even that ain’t enough, you gotta push yourself to a new limit and The Royal Rumble is one of those nights son where you haveta’ push yerself; go that extra mile, and that’s one thing I personally regret about last year, I didn’t go that extra mile; sure I had some success takin’ shortcuts but it ain’t the success I expect of myself; I’m the guy who should be giving hundred and ten per cent every single night, the first guy in the arena and the last one to leave.
Those are some of the changes I’m gonna’ make, I’m gonna’ be that guy everybody can rely on to deliver each and every night of the week; it don’t matter who, what, when, where, how, I’m gonna be that guy again and I’m gonna be delivering a hundred and ten per cent; there ain’t no stoppin’ The Cenation once it’s Mustang engine revved up again and those who doubt me, those who think they know me, those who think they can predict me, to you guys who make me work harder; who farer, those who push me to the limit, you ain’t seen nothing yet!
The Cenation which is growing within the crowd let out almighty cheer of support towards John Cena who nods his head, loving the support he’s receiving again.
Hear that everyone, this is what I’m bringing with me to The Royal Rumble; over a million strong Cenation, you guys can bring your egos, bring your tricks, bring your skills ‘cause that only gonna’ bring ya so far; what drives me that extra mile is gonna’ be those fans cheering me or in some cases jeering me, I feed of the crowd; the louder they get, the more it drives me; sure, I can hear those naysayers and all I can say in response to ‘em, wait till this Sunday and then make your call ‘cause you’re gonna be surprised.
So next up to say sumthin’ ‘cause I know y’all probably itching to get some sort of word in edge ways seeing talkin’ apparently makes ya sumthin’ when the reality is, it’s the walk that counts the walk is this Sunday live on Pay-Per-View and y’all better remember that.
John Cena lowers his microphone and looks at the crowd; who are continuing to warm to the hero John Cena once again.
AJ goes and he claps at Cena, as AJ goes and he waves at Cena and he goes on he begins to speak
AJ Styles: Hello John Cena, AJ Styles. UWF Hardcore champion, and the man who will look to eliminate you in the Royal Rumble. I understand Cena you're trying to be a threat here in this rumble match, but Cena tell me what have you done lately. Have you gone undefeated in the last month? No, have you won a championship this last month? no, in fact you lost a championship and now two men are holding that belt. Cena you have accomplished a lot in this industry. You're definitely a top guy here in the UWF, but let me tell you Cena it will be only a matter of time before reality slaps you across the face, you will realize that John Cena is no longer the man in this company.
AJ goes and he looks at Dean Ambrose on the ramp, and he goes as he speaks
AJ Styles:Dean sorry for boreing you with my catchphrases, the fans seem to find them entertaining when the followed suit with me. Anyways Dean don't worry this boredom that has come upon you will be gone come the Royal Rumble. I will make sure that you're going to be entertained, and I am going to make sure you don't forget the name that is AJ Styles. I know other men have caught your interest in this match, but Dean I hope once I throw you out of this match that you will remember the name, and that AJ Styles isn't so easily forgotten.
AJ goes and he looks on Bryan as he begins to speak
AJ Styles:Forty Eight minutes is enough for me to figure out my oppoenents Bryan yes, and cool Bryan 48 minutes is just another night for you. Want to know as of late is another night for me? Thumbtacks, Steel Chairs, Barbwire, and Calf Killers. That is another night for me as of late. You see Bryan I may not be going into this ring performing for long minutes, but what I do is I enter the ring, cause havok, prove my point and leave. Bryan you haven't beat me in this ring, you can put that in your mind that you can beat me. Until I witness that moment though Bryan I am still better then you, and at the rumble I will prove that to you.
AJ smiles as he he starts to do a wind up doll sign on his back looking at Steve Borden, and Styles goes as he begins to speak
AJ Styles:Yes Steve all I am is just some wind up doll repeating, and spewing the same crap right? Wrong Steve. You see Steve we know what you're trying to do, you want people to be like you. Sell ourselves to be better people, and not fall underneath this system in the professional wrestling. See all these people here Steve, no one cheers or respects who you are because you're not Sting. If you're Sting I would have maybe more respect for you in this ring, and I would be able to call you someone I consider an equal, but the thing is Sting I have more dignity then you. I don't throw away who I am because the corporation held me down. No instead I fight it, each and every night I fight what is handed towards me, and that is why Steve I won't throw away who I am, and keep saying the same ole crap to you, because Steve I said it once and I will say it again Allen Jones is AJ Styles, and that will never change.
Fans cheer as Styles goes and he looks on at Damien Sandow and he strokes his beard as he goes on as he begins to speak
AJ Styles: I know Sandow that my beard is not as good as yours, but the thing is Sandow I don't have time to look elegant. I am working hard every damn day. There has been very little sleep, because I am trying to show everybody why AJ Styles is the best in this ring, and why AJ Styles is the man here in UWF. So sorry Damien Sandow for not being complacent, and wanting to take a shower every morning. You know what Sandow I hope you're going to be the final two in the rumble. I hope you are able to survive, because you won't be the one to teach me the lesson first hand. No if anything I will teach you a lesson on what happens when you come up short once again....
AJ goes and he turns to the center of the ring, as he goes and he begins to speak
AJ Styles: You see Sami Calihan he understands that AJ Styles has his number. Sharkboy is playing fish captain right now, and he knows not to mess with AJ Styles. Mr. Kennedy came out here and said his keep as he left, why because he knew AJ Styles was coming out here. We look at Christopher Daniels where is he at? Where is my old rival at? I would figure that he would want to come out here and try to address, but do you know why he is not out here? Because folks he knows AJ Styles is out here?
You see some may view me as nothing, but these fans, and some wrestlers know who in the hell I am, and know what I am capable of since coming to Smackdown. I am not the same weak and frail AJ Styles that some of you may knew months ago. No I am a more vicious and more hungry AJ Styles, and Wrestlemania it is my calling. The UWF Championship is something that can't escape the fate of the "Phenomenal One" making the claim of becoming the next man in this company. So folks hope everyone is ready, because AJ Styles is going to win the 2014 Royal Rumble!
Fans cheer as AJ all of a sudden gets interrupted by
The crowd let's out some heat as CM Punk and AJ Lee come out from the back together. Punk's music stops as, AJ goes on the microphone near the entrance way
(Ignore the belt)
AJ Lee: Excuse us for finally crashing the party. At first I told, CM Punk, that we weren't going to come out here because much like, The Undertaker, we agree with him. Why the hell should this guy to the right of me have to fight for a briefcase that he doesn't even know is inside. What's to say that for all of, Punk's, effort that he ends up with a crappy second tier title match or something along those lines. If you're going to pour your heart out for a match of this magnitude at one of the biggest pay per views of the year, then it had better be for a guaranteed UWF Title shot and not something that isn't guaranteed. The Smackdown higher ups already got it wrong when they didn't book, Punk, for the Royal Rumble. So now it's time for he and high to show we're here whether they want to listen to it or not.
AJ flips her left hand through her hair and has a sadistic look on her face
AJ Lee: Now as the other reason that we had to just finally come out here is, I really couldn't stand listening to that slutty past her prime of a big mouth, Trish Stratus. Yeah, Trish, I am talking about you now. What are you going to do about it, go to, Vince, and tell him that I called you names. What else would be new about that since the last time you ran to, Vince, you had your legs spread wide open for him. Sorry, Trish, but I wasn't a fan of yours growing up as I always thought you took the spotlight from the person who deserved it most, Lita. And yeah go ahead and bring up the fact that I balled my eyes when I met her and how she and CM Punk used to date and now, Punk and myself share a partnership here in UWF. Go on and say what you need to say, but I pretty much just summed it all up in a short little speech.
The crowd chants "Lita" throughout the arena
AJ Lee: But then I see that overweight, fat, balled-headed, Paul Heyman next to you along with his client, Alex Riley.
CM Punk takes the microphone from AJ
CM Punk: I see how low you would stoop, Paul, but that shouldn't surprise me as you again unsurprisingly singled me out not long ago. You know I am glad our friendship is over. Let me remind you of one thing, I was champion before you ever came around. I never needed you to guide me to the title. I got that done on my own and now you think that you can take this person, Alex Riley who was once a muppet to, The Miz, and turn him into a future UWF Champion. That doesn't work for you, Paulie! What are you going to do help, Riley talk his way to the title. The way I see it, you're going to get your bald ass head of yours in the way of his career. Alex, no offense, but you picked a winner to help guide you to the top.
A-Ry looks on with no reaction to what, Punk just said
CM Punk: Now I know there is still shock about, Colt Cabana splitting from the Second City Saints and me joining forces with, AJ. Let's just face the facts and that's all you people gave me no alternative choice and I had to do what was best with my career. I don't want to wind up like some second rated, Paul Heyman client and fall flat on my face. So you people can either embrace the change or you can just deal with it. Because I am dealing with the fact that my name is not in the Royal Rumble. Last year I main evented the Rumble and won my first of two NXT/Anarchy World Title reigns when I defeat Bully Ray. Now one year later and I am dealing with the fact that I have to settle for a ten man match with four briefcases on the line and you don't know what your going to get in any of them. Yeah sounds like a great match to me. Let's give the fans what they want and you have this to offer. It's because of you fans, I am in this mess in the first place with all due respect to you, AJ.
AJ looks up at, Punk and smiles
CM Punk: So I tell you what is going to go down at the Rumble. I am going to win that first briefcase and if I see anything less than a UWF Title match, I am going to wipe my ass with the contract and shove it in, Trish's face because I know how kinky her old self use to get.
Trish has a few choice words that can be heard from the ring all the way to men's bathroom i the locker room
CM Punk: Then I will move onto the next and onto the next until I get that UWF Title match. I know you can only win one and it's supposed to be a fun thing, but I have my fun and that's getting my title match so I can go on and headline WrestleMania! My partnership with, AJ Lee, is going to drive everyone nuts, but what can I say, I dig crazy chicks! Even if that crazy chick is the devil herself and can get me back to where I belong and that's on top of UWF again. I couldn't be touched last year and I will get that way again. Bully Ray, Stone Cold, Rhyno, you name it, they couldn't touch me. So I will have no problem with you, Taker, Riley, and the rest of you chumps because at the end of the day you are not, CM Punk. And you are not the Best In The World!
Punk holds his arms out as the crowd gives him some major heat
You hear a laugh, it's Johnny Gargano who interrupts the charade here as he looks at Trish Stratus.
Johnny Gargano: A tool? You're looking at a man who has a bright future here unlike your client, so before you go a little crazy. I think you need to understand that you're now a has-been, the fact you were needed back then and you're quickly being replaced. This place isn't for you nor your clients anymore Trish, but it's always the homosexual jokes you have to burst out isn't it Trish? Is that what happens with your clients? I mean you bash it so much that I constantly hear it, are you actually a male Trish? Is this some kind of sick joke? My brother is gay, do you have a problem with that? As for me, I left my girlfriend at home because she doesn't need to unwind herself into all sorts of dramas. Sadly it's sheer jealously that is just coming from you Trish, I don't ever evaluate myself to a lower level. I always look to achieve at the highest goal possible. I live a dream, but I need to be living the dream. So whether you like the fact I'm gunning to the very top, I feel that you're quite afraid that a newcomer could just as well trump over your client. I don't blame you, a rookie coming in and paving his way to the very top must be underwhelming for you, some of the crowd may like it or they don't. For those who don't, they can simply shove it where the sun don't shine. What you and everybody else needs to realize is the fact I put everything into this, I'm not some generic bad-guy. As for my association with Kevin Steen, that's no longer happening. He decided he wanted to do something else but we're still buddies so it's all sweet. But this is my time, my opportunity, not yours, not anybody!
Gargano now moves on to Bully Ray.
Johnny Gargano: Wh-Wh-Wh-Whaaat? Sorry Ray, I could barely understand what spat out of your mouth. Cockroaches? Dragonflies? Clearly something crawled up your nose, came out of your mouth instead of your ass. All I could manage from you was a rant that I couldn't understand, I mean it sounded like a drunken man ranting... or perhaps that Cat Lady from The Simpsons. Yeah, she just mumbles a bunch of words and constantly is incoherent but that has you Ray written all over it. You think I'm just some Vanilla Midget? Is that the best you've got? Did you go hang out with Kevin Nash and try pick out who's a Vanilla Midget? As a matter of fact, I might be a guy from the Indies but I am going to back myself every damn time and prove that I can make it far. Look at Daniel Bryan for instance, they said he was too small, he could never make it far but he made it to the very top. Fact is, I don't give a flying damn about you Ray. Like majority, you're all old and will soon be placed in a nursing home where you'll all be partaking a battle royal except the rules are different... you just have to find your medicine. I am only twenty-six years of age, I am young, I have a long career ahead of me Ray. Yours however is just running out. You want to rip my lips, break me in half? Sounds like everybody else around here and nothing has happened yet. Just because I am young doesn't mean I'm afraid, I know exactly what happens in a company like this. This is why I paved my way in the Indies to be here in UWF, to be battlin' in the big leagues with a bunch of has-beens and here I am prepared to eliminate every single idiot. The future is right here in the palm of your hands, you're looking at him!
Gargano then looks at Matt Bloom. Gargano then begins to mock him by pretending he has piercings and a weird beard.
Johnny Gargano: I think my beard is better. As far as I'm concerned, these people don't have to give a rat's arse about me. They don't need to know who I am... Yet. In the long run, everybody will remember my name. I'll be the one they talk about, not you, certainly not your buddy Steve Borden, they'll speak of me. Just because I come here to UWF feeling quite cocky, feeling like I can achieve everything. I know there will be road-bumps and dead-ends, but I'll always find a way towards the horizon Matt. I am who I am because I believe in myself, I don't need you coming out here trying to tell me that I'm a nobody. After iMPACT folded, I wasn't anywhere to be seen but now I'm here, better than ever. I am going to ensure that management believes in me, no matter how long it'll take. I will become something meaningful around here as for you Matt, perhaps you should really deliver yourself a look. Those piercings, that ugly beard... Ugh, when you look at someone like me. I am a future star of the company, I can breakout to be the FACE OF THIS COMPANY! I have the look, the physique, the athleticism, you name it Matt. I've got it all. All you've got is Steve Borden by your side in hope that you can break out... but you won't be able to. You might not be impressed by me, it's just going to be extremely worse once you're eliminated and I'm on my way to victory. As for Kennedy, why are you so concerned about his hair? You should be worried about me, not Kennedy. As for Steen, I already stated he's no longer associating himself with me. As a matter of fact, I don't exactly need anybody and this is why this match I'll prove to everyone that I'm no Vanilla Midget. I'll prove to everyone I'm not just some push-over from the Indies, I am the Whole She-Bang Johnny Gargano!
Gargano spins around scanning all the people in the ring, he sees RVD & Alfonso.
Johnny Gargano: So how is it? Screwing up your entire life? Your memory? Those pipe dreams Rob? All them arrests, you'll never learn. Whilst it's said Marijuana is a drug that hasn't killed more than Tobacco and many illicit drugs. You're only resembling yourself in hope you'll remember what happens at the end of this. You'll be so damn high that you'll flip around, take a few bumps, get eliminated and become happy again because you had no idea what went on. Well, let the smoke disappear Rob and wake up to reality. But seeing you like to make fun of my name, it'll be all fun and game for you but when you're met with Reality... there won't be any smoke left, your pipe dreams will shut your entire system. You'll zone out, wake up... it'll be 4:20 then, but the only thing you'll be doing is looking to your left, to your table to see if there's any Marijuana but you'll realize there is none... you'll then panic as Fonzie slaps you right in the face for being such a screw-up. You'll accustom to nothing and as a matter of fact, people who drink and waste their life are going to enable themselves as failures. Wake up, see the light because Rob, the light is switched off right now... Feeling Froggy? You're just an appetizer and I'm hungry.
Gargano then turns to CM Punk and AJ.
Johnny Gargano: This love story. It could pass off as a Taylor Swift song. It seems you're quite afraid Punk, you were something a year ago. WERE, being the key word here. But now you're nothing more than a bonafide curtain-jerker who's sadly accustoming himself to nothing. How many times did you switch brand? Every time you lose, it's constant whinging, complaining, the list goes on. I'm surprised UWF has still allowed you here with all the bitching you do. Now I understand you were probably a spoilt brat as a kid but you coming here claiming you need this, you need that. How about you sit down, shut the hell up and earn your rights? You sadly brought Colt Cabana in here, sadly he is another nobody. Wasn't it you that brought him over to WWE the first time where he was only around for a short time? Yeah, thought so. Now you're right about one thing, we don't know what's in the damn briefcase but honestly I couldn't care what's in it, I am going to capture it. Open it... life is full of surprises but for you Punk, you crave knowledge. You have to know everything that's happening, if you're not happy... you make it heard. So are you going to write a cover of Taylor Swift once you and AJ start having problems? You claim you were unstoppable... but that was then, this is now... You're not unstoppable and you're not untouchable. You will be brought down, how will you rise? There's no Phoenix in this CM Punk... There's just the Bee's Knees, The Cat's Pyjamas, The Whole She-Bang... MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR GARGANNNNNNNNNNNO!
GARGANO! As for Ken Kennedy, I stole your schtick. Whoopee-do. This is my time to shine and it's a given!
Ambrose can be seen clapping from atop the stage as he still sits there. He looks around at the crowd before slowly getting up and walking over to the mic he previously dropped.
Riveting speech there AJ. As a matter of fact, if I wasn't in this, I'd say you have a hell of a chance of winning this whole thing. But unfortunately for you, I'm right here. And what you said earlier, you got it all wrong AJ. I wasn’t bored because of you. I find you fascinating. Sure I don’t care for dumb catchphrases but I see you standing there in the ring with that title over your shoulder and I just want to know what it takes to be that champion these days. That title there made my career here in UWF. People knew who Dean Ambrose was but nobody could ever fathom what he could do until that title was in my hands. That title has a special place in my heart. After all I successfully defended that title at UWF’s very first Wrestlemania. I look forward to finding out for myself just how much punishment you can take when we fight each other on RAW. I want to see just how long you can last in the rumble when your feet don’t work quite as well as they should
Ambrose gets a sly grin on his face before looking over to Cena.
Ya' know, for a man with so little to say, you sure do talk a lot. I get it, you're late to the party and you want to make a big statement but the simple fact of the matter is, none of us cares. You're here to win the fans back and that's admirable but I don't quite care what you do. You may be all smiles but I've seen what you can really do when your back's against the wall. I’ve seen what your made of. I’ve busted you open and felt your blood run between my fingers. You haven't been the same since our last match and It’s taken awhile but I thought I finally got it through your thick skull that you’re not on the same level as me. I guess your skull's a lot thicker than I thought. I probably should have known better because last year at Wrestlemania, I punched you so hard, I broke my hand. I may have beaten you at last years WrestleMania but it wasn't easy. Your refusal to give up cost me my World Heavyweight Championship when Bray Wyatt decided to cash in on me. I haven’t forgotten that. That’s why I’ve made it my mission to cost you any type of world title opportunity you get and that’s why I’m going to personally throw you over the top rope and cost you yet another shot. But you're not the only one I want to eliminate.
Ambrose turns his attention to Damien Sandow
You’re right Damien, you’ve been undefeated in your little singles run so far, but you have yet to fight the one man who matters. You see I’m the litmus test in UWF. Everyone falls short but it all depends on how well you compete against me. And that’s just it Damien, you can’t. On your own you're nothing compared to me. You may have not needed anyone to fight everyone else, but when it comes to me, you don’t stand a chance. I made your tag team partner Bray Wyatt tap out when Daniel Bryan made you tap at the same time. That very much could have been you had you so happened to be closer to me at that moment. You've gotten lucky your entire career here and luckily for you, you don’t even have to fight me in this match. You may even be long gone by the time I get in there. Part of me would love it if you barely lasted a minute in the match but then again I wouldn't have the opportunity to do it myself. So try and "outsmart" everyone by being a coward and hiding from everyone. I want to be the one who throws you out and watch the look on your face once you realize it.
The crowd cheers loudly for Damien's future as Ambrose looks toward the titantron with a surprised look on his face.
Sami! Long time no see. What’s it been like 3 or 4 years? Losing to those two idiots on Smackdown must have gotten you pissed off. I don’t know how many times I’ve come this close to punching their smug little faces myself. For those of you who don’t know, Sami’s a no nonsense guy same as me. But Sami, it’s that thing we have in common that won’t make me think twice about eliminating you from the Royal Rumble. We may have been friends in the past but that’s long gone now. We've gone to war together and against each other before. Makes me kind of miss the days when people actually fought for championships. I won’t get to crack you across the skull with a chair, but I’ll sure as hell throw you over those ropes and make myself one step closer to winning the Royal Rumble.
Ambrose looks down at his feet and walks around a bit before speaking again.
People don't really know what I'm capable of until they actually fight me which is why I find it amusing that Daniel Bryan still thinks he can win this whole thing. No one better than Daniel Bryan? I think AJ over there proved that theory wrong. I believe I've proven it wrong numerous times. But no Bryan's evolved. He's not the same guy he was a mere 3 months ago. Look Bryan, I get it. You've had bad luck being on the same brand as me ever since you came here. Don't worry though, there'll be another draft soon...after WrestleMania. In the meantime, defend that European Championship. Make sure it keeps it's credibility as second best because until one of us moves to another brand, you'll always just be second best.
Ambrose walks some more, bobbing his head up and down with each step before he quickly turns and looks up at the Titantron again.
Shark Boy, how the hell did you do that? You only left like what, 20 minutes ago and your already out at sea. Impressive. Don't know why you're on a ship considering you're a shark but whatever. Instead of speaking to us in front of our faces like a real man, you think some sort of recorded message will convince us and the rest of the world that you actually have a shot? I’ll tell ya what, it’s not a bad idea. Shark Boy’s too scared in the knees to actually come out and say anything anymore so instead he lets a message speak for him. It’s a good idea in theory Sharky, but it just goes to show how much of a coward you are. And we’re supposed to see you as a threat when you can barely convince a single person you’re more than just a guy in a mask. Don’t worry though Sharky, you won’t win but you might have a good showing. You might even eliminate a person or two but it ultimately doesn’t matter. You’re going to fail because that’s what you do. You fail. Even entering at number 30 isn’t going to change that.
Ambrose quickly swings around and addresses everyone.
It's not going to change one bit for any of you. I don't care how well you do. I don't care if you make it to the final four or if you break the record for most eliminations. Only one thing matters and that's who wins. And your all looking at the winner. People seem to forget that this whole match is based on skill, and more importantly, luck. Now I've never been lucky. I was born into a living hell. I wasn't given any opportunities. I took them. I've been against the odds all my life. I'm used to it. I'm going to win despite my luck just like I always have. It's what's made me stronger. It's what makes me better than all of you. And it's what will make me the only 5 time World Champion at WrestleMania.
Ambrose drops the mic again right next to him and sits on the edge of the stage with a smirk on his face.
The Titantron lights up again as it shows Reverend D'Von and Bubba Ray driving towards their mysterious destination that D'Von was mentioning earlier; which turns out to the be the AT&T Center, the home of the Royal Rumble. Bubba and D'Von both drive up to the parking lot and make their way inside the building. They stop at the hallway as Reverend D'Von stares at the camera while giving off a big grin.
Reverend D'Von: The time has come for us to finish the Lord's work before the Royal Rumble shall commence! Both my brother Bubba Ray and I have done everything that the Lord has asked us to do, all except for the Final Deed that needs to be done. Before I can walk to the grounds I have a few things that I need to get off my chest. You see my brothers and sisters, while the children play and whine in the ring; the men of the real world such as myself and Bubba Ray have been hard at work, doing the Lord's bidding. You are all at some local arena, causing some unnecessary violence and tension while I have come here to finish my tasks, soon I will join you on your fun and games and make my presence known. But in my life it's God first and work second, that's my first and only rule my brothers and sisters.
Reverend D'Von starts to walk down the corridors, the cameraman walking beside him as D'Von looks straight ahead but continues to speak to the camera.
Reverend D'Von: I apologize for not able to address you from before Mr. Sandow, but it appears that patience isn't a virtue of yours seeing how much you've griped about my supposed 'ignorance'. It is quite amusing how you claimed that the ignorance of the other's grasp of the English language is too much for you to bear, yet you condone these vile beat's act of violence. You have the mind of a Saint Mr. Sandow, but it's just a shame that you are nothing but a low-life sinner just like the rest of the UWF Wretched. I sense that you have a burning passion to teach others from what is right to wrong, but instead of giving out lessons on life, you choose to become childish and teach us grammar and spelling mistakes. It's a wasted vocation in my books, but I'm sure the good Lord has it intentions my brother *sarcasm*. You are nothing but a waste of space and oxygen my brother, and your time living as a false prophet shall come to an end real soon. Mark the Lord's words.
Reverend D'Von turns around the corner and walks down another corridor, as if he knows where he plans on going.
Reverend D'Vom: My my Mr. Cena, you've certainly have taken your time to come to the ring and show us what your made of. Of course the quantity of your choice of words definitely overshadows the quality, considering that you've done nothing but sputter out complete nonsense. Not only have you taken some cheap and unoriginal pot shots towards Steve Borden, but you certainly aren't aware of your place on RAW yet. Ever since I have arrived to the UWF with a new perspective on life, I can't help but notice that you certainly don't practice what you preach. You have claimed many times that you were to climb to the top of the mountain, but every time you almost make it to the top, there is somebody already there that boots you all the way back down to the bottom. It was quite a surprise that you actually found the courage to come out to that ring my brother, and soon I will join you after I'm done here. But for the time being why don't you be a good boy and knock off the crap before I have to send Bubba down there and show off a little 'pre-Rumble', what do you say?
D'Von turns down another corridor, Bubbba Ray still behind him as D'Von has a big smile on his face. He reaches to a worker who hands him the Reverend's robe, all nice and clean. Reverend D'Von puts it on then looks into the camera.
Reverend D'Von: Ah yes, everyone's favourite Mr. False Second Coming himself, Daniel Bryan! Let us get one thing straight right here Mr. Bryan. Damien Sandow does not preach about morality; all that man does is preach about how smarter he is then the rest of the UWF Wretched, and myself. You think you are witty for assuming that I know the answers to life's greatest questions. Oh yes my brother I actually had quite a chuckle that your ignorance towards my faith in the Lord knows no boundaries. I will be the bigger man between the two of us and say that you are correct; I do not know the answer to those questions. I have no doubt in my mind however that the Lord does know the answers, and when the time comes I shall fully understand the meaning of life as well. But fo now Mr. Bryan you have to wonder why you didn't ask the most important question: How can Daniel Bryan defeat Reverend D'Von at the Royal Rumble? And the answer is quite simple my brother: You can't! My 'simpleton' brother and I, 'The Joke', will show you what happens when you put a little faith into something that you believe in. THAT is truth, my brother!
Reverend D'Von is done as he continues to walk down the corridors, recalling that he's almost at the location of the Final Deed.
Reverend D'Von: Dean Ambrose, I'm not too surprised that you continue to chat away with your complete nonsense. You are not the only one that has face palmed when a bunch of poorly-choiced words have been said. Too bad that most of those words have been said from you, however. I yell not because I want to, but because the ears of the self-righteous have been plagued by the Devil's wishes. Mr. Ambrose you remind me of the modern Jeff Hardy, the one that the fans love and respect but still he's nothing but an advocate to Satan. The drugs and the booze may be a nice touch to life, but I will never understand how that would benefit one's life; especially when wasting his time trying to win this Royal Rumble match. I would pray for the Lord to heal you Mr. Ambrose, but I feel that you would reject the help of God even if he personally visited you at your doorstep. So I will say this to you; have fun when your burning in hell you pathetic excuse for a human being. Even more then Oprah Winfrey herself!
Reverend D'Von chuckles to himself as Bubba Ray mumbles something else about Ambrose behind the camera. Reverend D'Von makes it to the backstage area where the TV/Audio equipment is at, preparing to enter the inside arena and head to the empty ring in the AT&T center.
Reverend D'Von: I am glad that you have gathered the courage to make your presence known Mr. Sami Callihan. I was beginning to get bored preaching to the usual morons. Well maybe I'm getting ahead of myself because what you’re saying sounds moronic in my books. Your pain amuses me, not because of the brutal punishment that you went through, but because you went great lengths to fulfill your desire for greed and still you came out short! In God's opinion you had that coming my brother, and quite frankly so do I! All of these empty threats that you talk about, this bloodshed and broken bones talk makes me smile on the inside, but I have too much respect for a young fool like yourself to openly mock you. I will say though I give you around 5 minutes until you lose all sense of control in the Rumble and get eliminated. Whether it's from me or from one of the greedy sinners in the ring it does not matter; the only thing that matters is that you know your place in God's Kingdom my brother. Maybe then you will finally show some respect to your leaders such as myself.[/B]
Reverend D'Von turns and heads towards the narrow passage that leads him out to the stage where the empty arena can be seen with the ring already set up. The room looks cold and lonely with not a single soul present in the open arena, expect for The Dudleyz and a couple of security guards patrolling the arena.
The cameraman follows as Reverend D'Von and Bubba Ray, now supporting a bag, walks down the ramp and stops at the ring. Bubba and D'Von enter the ring, without their tag belts in hand, and they walk around the canvas. Bubba Ray lowers down the bag as Reverend D'Von looks over the ropes and begins to speak into the camera again.
Reverend D'Von: I'm afraid that I have work to do so I shall make this quick. I have noticed that there are others that choose to speak out their mind but unfortunately don't have any guidance as to what they are saying. Mr. AJ Styles, I have listened to every word that you said but at this point I feel like that you are repeating yourself to the point where not even your die-hard fans care about what you say. Mr. Borden I feel like the same principle applies to you, except that the Lord has never cared what you speak about regardless. Shark Boy, you and your little comedy group is quite amusing and unique. Your immaturity really shows my brothers and I can feel a future in show business; but definitely not in the UWF and definitely NOT in the Royal Rumble match.
Reverend D'Von looks away and tells Bubba to open up the bag. Bubba Ray lowers the bag and opens it up, then takes out a couple of veils that hold some kind of clear liquid inside of it; assumingly full of holy water. He hands Reverend D'Von a bottle as they both walk around the ring, pouring the water all over the ring as Reverend D'Von chants out a prayer. After both bottles are empty, Bubba takes possession of both of them and carefully places it inside the back, then holsters it back onto his shoulder.
Reverend D'Von: The holy water I just sprayed all over the canvas is to prevent any serious injuries from happening. As I said before, my first intentions in the UWF is to prevent hell from breaking loose. Since I am not able to prevent the actual match from happening, the next best thing I can do is for the Lord to bless this ring to prevent anyone from taking any unnecessary acts of heroism. Please let us all bow our heads in prayer, asking the Lord to forgive my actions that shall be done this Sunday at the Royal Rumble, and pray for mercy on my enemies; because I sure as hell won't be showing any mercy!
Reverend D'Von and Bubba Ray both exit the ring as the camera shuts off, leaving the titantron in the arena where the action is happening turn dark again.
Yeah Prediction threads for me are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much fun haha. But if I do them so should all of you. I'll admit sometimes these things play a hand in my decision. Just saying. You could pick the Royal Rumble Winner. You never know.
Bubba Ray Dudley looks at the people surrounding him in the ring, calmly shaking his head as he raises his mic up.
Bubba Ray Dudley: I knew I was surrounded bah blueberries, but I didn't 'xpect all of y'all ta be dis stoopid!
The fans give a mixed reaction about this as Bubba Ray peers over towards the ever so cocky Johnny Gargano.
Bubba Ray Dudley: I said that if I heard anything stoopid come from yer mouth again I would tear off yer lips, but a little birdie told me that I wasn't allowed ta hit women, so I guess yer safe there pal! Then again ever that Cat Lady that yeh mentioned could probably even kick your ass so defeating you ain't nuttin' ta be proud. Hell that walkin' pair of tits standing right there can probably kick your twenty-six year old ass! Let me tell yeh sumthin' buddy, when I was your age I was takin' no names and beatin' da shit out of everythin' in front of meh; what have yeh accomplished? NOTHING! You've won a championship belt of some sort from a no-name place and now your Mr. Kennedy's personal bitch; hell yer stealin' his catchphase! Yah not be able ta understand mah Brooklyn' accent, but I doubt I'll be able ta understand yeh when yer carryin' yer teeth in a papar bag! Still wanna talk shit ta meh, boy? I'll send ya home cryin' ta yer momma in your little shithole of a town at wherever the hell ya live at. Now scram!
Bubba Ray looks away at Gargano, not really sure if he caused him to step back a bit but doesn't really care either way as he turns his attention to Rob Van Dam, Sabu and Bill in the ring.
Bubba Ray Dudley: Hey Fonzie, how are things? Still happy that yeh can't shut yer trap once in a while, but it's always good ta see an ol' fellow ECW family member here; it's just a darn shame that yer debut match will be anythin' but pleasent so ta speak. Imma happy that yeh came back to da UWF Rob, and it's great that yeh brought Sabu with ya this time, but I hate ta break it to yeh buddy that while there may be 4 briefcases at the top but I'm aimin' ta grab da top prize! I don't care if I have ta take down all four briefcases and check dem all, I WILL be walkin' away from Texas with the World title briefcase. Sorry Robbie V but our past friendship can take us so far before I end up crackin' yer skull open for gettin' in mah way. That goes for Bill Afonzo and Sabu there as well, yah extreme punks better stay outta mah way!
Bubba Ray turns away from the trio in the ring and looks at Matt Bloom in the ring. Bloom is giving a blank look at Bubba Ray as Bubba begins to speak to Bloom.
Bubba Ray Dudley: Well look what the cat dragged in; a homeless man who's too stoopid ta call us by our names, thinkin' he's smart by callin' meh 'Mark'. Well listen here buddy, you only call meh 'Mark' when I introduce yeh as 'Mark'. I know yeh called me 'Bubb', which I'm surprised yah did, but that shit rattles me in da wrong way still. And why da hell is dat old man comin' out with ya, shouldn't he be preparin' ta get his ass kicked at da Rumble match with all the better guys in there? Hell I would be in there mahself if D'Von didn't take man spot. It's okay though 'cuz I can easily take out the old man and yerself as well. And hey I may even have fun doin' that as well. Of course nothing would make meh more happy then ta see yeh squirm as you've been laid with with mah table. Mark my words Matt that our little fiasco isn't ova' with yet!
A mixed reaction happens for Bubba as he turns around to the World Tag Team Champions Fandango and EC3 at the titantron. He rubs his belt around his waist as he begins to speak to them.
Bubba Ray Dudley: Ya know how I'm betta' then yeh two? Because there's only one of meh here and two of you; and one of us is actin' like a pathetic fool in front of deese people; and it ain't me either buds! I know one thing's for sure and that's we are the TRUE Tag Team Champions of all time. Yeh may be considered the World Tag Team Champions, but considering that the World includes starvin' children from Africa I don't think much of da world is a competition to real champions such as da Dudley Boyz. As a matta' of fact, not even hardcore low-lifes such as Sami Callihan and Brodie Lee were much of a competiton ta yeh, much less ta ourselves! Yah two bastards can sit there and smirk all yeh want and mock meh for thinkin' that you two were in the ring, and that we beat one man for our belts. Actually mock meh all ya want because I will have da last laugh when D'Von and I are walkin' away with both belts around our arms. Have fun getting the teeth marks removed from yer delicate skin ya lousy smurfs. Oh I'm sorry princesses, did I say a bad word that brought hurt feelin's? Yeah what I meant ta say was 'I hope yah brough enough tissues ta cover up da blood after I'm done with yeh this Sunday! Rags To Riches will be a real bloodfest compared to dat Wrestlin' Society X match that was mentioned on RAW. Jackasses...
Bubba points to the ring as me motions for Fandango and EC3 to come down to the ring. He looks away then points to CM Punk who's standing on the entrance ramp still.
Bubba Ray Dudley: Sorry pal but I can't feel yer hot air from here so I almost missed yeh. Good thing to 'cuz ya need to eat yer words over how stoopid and Blue yeh sound right now with that ugly pile of trash that's standing beside yeh. Can't touch yeh huh? I doubt any gurl would want ta touch yeh unless her name is AJ Lee. Imma curious though Punk, how much did ya pay Lita for a night huh? With da expection of Trish here, I don't believe for a second that any women out there would eva' want ta be seen in public with you, even if you waved a wad of cash with yeh. It's just a shame that yeh turned into real asswiped on Smackdown 'cuz I actually had some respect for yeh. It makes me laugh however that yer skinny hide thinks that it can reach one of deese briefcases that'll be hangin' up above the ring; considerin' that AJ Lee is probably the one that wears the pants in the relationship, amiright?
Bubba Ray is smiling and turns over towards his final target for the night. The ever so slutty Trish Stratus.
Bubba Ray Dudley: Well ain't you a feisty one? I bet Umaga loves yeh when your goin' down on him. Actually the look on yer face right now tells meh that I'm wrong, you'd probably act all feisty towards all guys. Of course the only thing that we're all interested in yeh is one, showin' off dat nice rack and two, for yeh ta have day match with Natalya. All da boyz backstage are talkin' 'bout how hot yeh two would look in the ring, and quite honestly I would have my money on yeh Trish; seeing how you yeh have moar attitude then that skank Nattie does. Actually on second thought yeh might actually losem dat match cuz Nattie has Tyson Kidd on her side, while yeh have dat fat fuck Umaga with yeh. Oh and about mah ballsack, obviously you've never seen it considerin' that I actually CAN see it. Which is sad really 'cuz I'm probably da only man that yeh haven't slept with in da UWF Roster.
The crowd goes 'ooooh' for Bubba's burn as Bubba Ray Dudley lowers his mic, ready for somebody else to reply back.
Rags to Riches Match:
WINNER: Was not thinking about it at all. At first I just put one person to win but then I realized that my answer was dumb since there isn't just one winner. I'll just say that the main one that everybody will be going after might just go to Alex Riley simply because I picked him for that reason in the first place.
"NOW IT'S ABOUT TIME
I STEPPED IN WITH THE GANGSTA LEEEEAN."
"Gangsta Lean" by Jim Johnston begins to play over the PA system as the fans in attendance respond with a mixed reaction, some of them cheering and some of them booing, as the Global Champion himself comes rolling into the arena in his trademark low rider.
The low rider bounces a few times before Eddie parks the car and then exits it and makes his way down the ramp and enters the ring, his Global Championship worn over his shoulder, a steel chair in one hand and a microphone in the other as "Gangsta Lean" fades out to silence.
Eddie Guerrero: And that is where the glaring differences between myself and your last opponent for this championship begin. See holmes, Steve Borden would've been happy to see you prove those whispers and assertions correct, for your spirit to curl up and die and your hunger to permanently wane. But not me, vato, I live for the fight and I for one am happy to see that not only is The Undertaker back in the spirit of actually competing, you are too. Steve was too focused on exposing you as a man and not as a monster, he wanted you to take off the mask and the outfit and be just like him. What's the fun in that victory? "Hey look, I beat up a big blanco with a trick eyeball". I don't want to say that, I want to say that I took on the Big Red Machine and shut it down, ese', I'm not out to disprove you as a monster because it can't be done Kane, you are a monster but don't sleep on the truth, guero, SO AM I.
Eddie smiles as the crowd boos. Eddie cocks his head to the side as he continues.
Was my skin supposed to crawl when you talked about laying a steel chair to it? Do you actually think you have enough skeletons to unveil from your closet to TRULY make me rue the day? I'm not afraid, Kane. Not of steel chairs or what you can do with them, holmes. What are you going to do? Are you going to give me a concussion?
Eddie throws down his microphone, grabbing the steel chair with his now freed up hand and beginning to hit himself several times with it in rapid succession and with violent impact until he busts himself open. He throws down the chair and picks his microphone back up quickly, continuing with what he's saying.
ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ME BLEEEEEEEEEEED, ESE!? AM I GOING TO NEED A TRANSFUSION WHEN THIS IS OVER!?
Eddie starts laughing maniacally for a moment before kicking his legs backward and rocking his upper body forward, face planting the chair as he quickly pushes himself to his feet with his arms.
You have nothing on your side that I haven't had inflicted upon me before, cabron, and I mean nothing! You want to use pain to take this championship from me? What do you know about true pain? Your face being burnt? That's not pain! The only woman you loved dying before your very eyes? That's not pain! I felt pain once upon a time, but that was before all of it made me go numb on the outside and in. That was before I descended into madness, deeper than the pits of Hell you call your dwelling, deeper than the grave that they tried to put me in all those years ago. Your punches will land like papercuts, and as you search the surface you scratched looking for blood to fall from the wound like a starved shark...(laughs) the only thing that will emerge will be something with a larger hunger....(whispers morbidly)the flames of Latino Heat coming to encapsulate you.
Eddie chuckles a few times and then erupts into sadistic laughter again before regaining his composure enough to continue.
They couldn't have picked a more fitting day to hold this pay-per-view on, holmes, because while the world is watching the groundhog discover his shadow, I will be standing in yours, striking you every time you take your eyes off of me, striking you every time you cast your eyes on me, and when I get that steel chair in my hands again, striking right between those eyes, above those eyes, under and beside those eyes, until your vision fails you. You never see the shot that takes you down, not when it's coming, not when it lands, but I do it as a courtesy, so that while the entire world sees you fail, you won't remember falling short, you won't remember coming out empty handed, you'll just feel the throbbing pain in every section of your head and set out to make someone pay for it. That way you can continue to wage your carnage, and I can continue to wage mine.
Eddie smiles.
But if you don't want to save face, then let's be real about the situation, vato, there is only room for one sadistic arsonist in the UWF. This is a collision of two of the most disturbed and destructive forces and if we give it our all, with nothing held back, only one will survive, and the other will never be seen again. Like I said, I like having the "Big Red Monster" around, but if you can't stick around without getting in my way, the choice I have to make is obvious, gringo, I'll be putting you down.
Eddie lowers his microphone as the crowd boos him, awaiting the response of the man they like better, the "Big Red Monster" Kane.
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
WINNER: Bryan, Ambrose or Sandow. Tough decision, let's hope they do a Lex Luger/Bret Hart ending from '94.
UWF World Heavyweight Championship
Guest Referee Triple H
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
WINNER: Tyson Kidd is winning this, HHH will take a huge ref bump, Shane McMahon will come out and try to coast-to-coast Kidd but fails, then The New Age Outlaws will come out and fail. The rest of the DX band will come out and also fail, including Stephanie McMahon. Then Bret Hart will come out and put that ref shirt on while Kidd locks in the Sharpshooter and HBK doesn't tap but the bell gets called. #ScrewjobFuckery #TheresAnIdea
UWF Championship
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
WINNER: This is extremely hard to choose, no contest. So Morgan retains.
Rags to Riches Match:
WINNER: I hope my Gargano wins something haha. But I see Bully Ray getting the top tier briefcase, hopefully I get the midcard or third tier. But Bloom could get that or even Riley. Tags, I'll go with Fandango & EC3
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
WINNER: It's between Bryan and Sandow for me but I think I'll go with Sandow because Rey's been killing with Sandow since he debuted and hasn't really ever gotten a big main event push.
UWF World Heavyweight Championship
Guest Referee Triple H
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
WINNER: Tyson
UWF Championship
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
WINNER: CWalker's been quiet as of late. If he can get another one up then he takes it.
Rags to Riches Match:
WINNER: I'd be lying if I said I didn't fully believe I'm winning one of these cases. Others will go to Umaga, Riley and Gargano. It'll be interesting to see who gets what. I can get tag and end up unifying the tag belts but I don't know if secondary characters on the same brand like Riley could both be different tier champions. Looking forward to how this match plays out.
