UWF 2014 Royal Rumble Trashtalking

[Slim]

The lights in the arena go off as the titantron comes to life. And the titantron reveals a theme that has been absent for the past month as the fans get to their feet wondering if it is indeed true.



The lights in the arena turn on to reveal the one and only Trish Stratus standing on the stage with arms outstretched accepting the mixed reaction she is receiving. Positive for the return… and negative simply because it is still Trish Stratus.



Trish then makes her way down to the ring with confidence and walks up the ring steps and enters between the middle and bottom rope. She is graced with a mic by the stagehand as she begins to address everyone.



The best is back… Trish Stratus:

I must say it feels pretty good to be inside the ring again. But then that only goes so far because nothing seems to change. We have that guy over there barking about respect. We have that fat guy over there with his too small shirt and his gay client still thinking he is still in high school with his Varsity shirt. And then we have the dancing fools that refuse to come to the ring and would instead bore people from their secret location somewhere in the back of the arena. Although I will say it almost resembles a bathroom stall but who am I to judge what those two want to do with themselves. But this… this moment is what people have been waiting for but somehow… someway or another that big goof over there decided it would be the perfect time to try to spoil it. I mean really… we stayed out of the limelight for a month and now that this match is announced on Smackdown and somehow you have the Insider news and scoop to let everyone know that we’re back? How exactly did you get a hold of this news? Because nobody has said anything but then I have to assume that if you got that bit of Insider news then you should already know as well… you’re going to lose.

I mean it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that and although you are so far removed from being one but instead are one of the most simplest of minds in this match… I’m sure that you can figure out that my monster Umaga will be sure to dismantle you with ease. Because what you need to understand is that… Umaga never once used Rock’s name to try to garner respect, he never once used Rock’s name to try to elevate himself in the ranks. Instead Umaga worked hard to pave his own way to the top. He put forth all the effort necessary to prove that he is the best to have stepped foot in this ring. He isn’t relying on heritage and the past success of others. So what you need to do is realize that you are in so far over your head that you’re drowning right now without even realizing it.

The crowd feels that shot as Trish doesn’t seem to have lost a beat as she continues.

The best is back… Trish Stratus:

So Undertaker… you want this respect, you want some respect finally? I ask why. What have you done to earn even an ounce of respect besides moan, groan, and complain about not having any? Nothing. So you can try to talk about how people would much rather look at me then him… but then you know since most of the fans out there are male… I’d assume as well that most of them would rather see me than him. And I know for sure that you guys in this ring would much rather see me than him because him… he’d just hurt you. Me? I’ll just bust your balls. That may damage your pride, your ego, and you may wind up with less respect than you already have now so I’d say for your sake… you’d be better off being destroyed by Umaga than by me. And speaking of being destroyed…

Trish turns to see Paul and Riley.

The best is back… Trish Stratus:

Long time no see gentlemen. I see that you’ve actually gained weight there Paulie. I have some Yoga DVDs that can help you shed some of that weight off. It’ll be good for you in the long run to invest in it. But I digress… Riley. Dear little misinformed Riley. You still don’t know your position in this world do you? Because it seems that you still think that you have a chance to get to the top. That you can still succeed and achieve so much in this business but Morgan already did that. Heyman there… he doesn’t care about you because he already has his cash cow. He already has his golden goose. You on the other hand have been doing nothing but sitting on the sidelines twiddling your thumbs dropping shit after shit. And now that this match has arisen you think that now you can waltz in with Paulie there and together you two can capture the same magic that Heyman and Morgan have done and I’m here to tell you that it won’t happen. I’m just letting you know exactly how the world works. It isn’t fair. It won’t ever be fair. You’ll always be looked upon as that little brother that was a late bloomer and will never amount to anything other than a disappointment that people will feel pity for and want to put down but deem it inhumane.

So while I would say it to your face that this isn’t going to be your year… I have… insider info… that you have gingivitis and I don’t think anybody has enough mints to curb that bad breath of yours. And it isn’t very lady like to puke so I’ll keep my distance right now and just say it from here that this isn’t going to be your year. This isn’t going to be your chance. This isn’t going to be your time. This instead is going to be the year of failure for you. This is going to be for you exactly what it was last year… a year where you do nothing and achieve nothing while you watch Heyman glow over Morgan. Watch Heyman look at disdain over you just waiting for that moment to turn his back on you and cut off the deadweight. Whereas if it was me… I would have dropped your sorry ass a long time ago. But the good thing though is that I don’t have to sully my hands with you. Instead Umaga can make sure that you continue to achieve nothing as he will dominate you as well.

And domination is something that Umaga has been known to do ever since his arrival last year in the rumble. Eliminating people left and right before being triple teamed and by three people being forced over the top rope. But the thing about this match… Taker and Riley don’t care for each other which leaves the two fools that didn’t want to come out here as the only tandem that could try to double team Umaga but then they’ll find out that it won’t be enough. So Fanny, Aaron Carter, understand that you two can try as you might, do whatever you think you can and is necessary to try to dismantle Umaga but after this time off he feels so much better. Recharged. His injuries have finally completely healed and he is going to be as fresh as he was last year when he made his debut here in UWF. THIS is the year of Umaga and Trish. This is the match where everything changes. This is going to be the match where the world will once again begin to quiver because there will be an unstoppable force that will be marching to the ring and destroy any and all that stand in his path. So… Riley, taker, Fanny, Aaron Carter, and anybody else that dares to enter this match now knowing that Umaga is a definite to not only compete but come out as the top winner… just know that you have been forewarned.

Trish lowers her mic as she takes a bow to a chorus of boos from the crowd.​

 

[CaptainxBumout]

Ambrose walks back and forth on the stage laughing. He raises his mic and speaks with laughter still in his voice.



Dean Ambrose
Oh Christian. Poor naïve Christian. Dethrone me? You think throwing me over those ropes will somehow make you this mighty entity worthy of being a World Champion? Even if I was to lose this match, I wouldn’t lose any momentum. I've been thrown out of places my whole life and this is no different. If I were to lose, I’m not going to sit by and try to find a way back into the title picture. No I’m going to FORCE my way back into the title picture. You on the other hand, you’re entire career rests on this match. Without this, your ticket to the main event of WrestleMania is all but gone. You know what’s going to happen to Christian if you don’t win this match? You’re going to be competing on the opening match at WrestleMania where you belong. You want to know why I’m Orton’s favorite to win? Because I don’t put up with all the crap that floats around this company. I go down to that ring and handle my business like a man. I’m what this company needs. If I have to get through you to get back to the top, so be it. Maybe it's time someone set you back in line again.

Ambrose smiles at Christian before addressing the audience.

But not everyone in this match is a threat that needs to be dealt with. Some people clearly don’t even believe they're good enough to win this match. They’d be right. Mr. Kennedy did a good thing to not stand by me and spit out garbage for too long or else he'd have my fist halfway down his throat. He may be the longest reigning hardcore champion in history but that just goes to show you how meaningless statistics are. That title hasn’t meant a damn thing since it left my waist. I don’t need Taipei Death Matches to prove just what a man I am. Less weapons after all allowed me to be more creative. My time as hardcore champion molded me into the man you see before you now. The man who’s incapable of feeling pain. The man who is the only four time World Heavyweight Champion but you know what sounds better? A five time World Heavyweight Champion. And that’ll be where it ends because after fighting for others for so long, it’s time I fight for myself once again. It doesn’t matter if I like you or not or even if you’re the current Hardcore Champion. I’m going to prove that there’s only one champion who matters. Me. Isn’t that right AJ?

Ambrose turns his head to side with his mouth hanging open licking his tooth.

I’ve been watching you for quite some time AJ. Our time fighting each other to crown a new World Heavyweight Champion wasn’t nearly enough for me to see what you could do. Apparently you can be a pretty vicious person. I saw your match against Mr. Kennedy and was quite impressed. Not exactly the tactics I would use but that’s what makes us different you and I. Your mission is to do what it takes to win the match while me on the other hand, I just beat people up until I felt I was done. Now I see that everyone else doesn't like to actually fight like men so trust me when I say I won't let my anger get the best of me. If you kick me in the face, I will make sure to personally throw you over those ropes. Chris Masters may have this personal vendetta against you but make sure you eliminate him quick because I want a piece of you myself. Or maybe I’ll eliminate Chris on your behalf as a sign of goodwill.

Ambrose smiles and looks at Chris Masters.

You hear that Chris? Do you really think you have what it takes to “break me”? You think those big muscles give you power? You don’t know what real power is. Power is when I’m beating someone’s skull in. Power is when you become World Heavyweight Champion four times. Go ahead and ask these people around you. They know what power is because I’ve beaten quite a few of them already. You’ve always needed the help of others to get anything done. I made a name for myself destroying little groups like the kind you’ve been involved in. If I was on Anarchy when you were, The Establishment would have been over before it even began especially with someone as weak as you in it. You've been a weak link in everything and that goes especially for this rumble. Stay out of my way or I'll make sure you have to go on your honeymoon in a wheelchair. Trust me Chris, if someone like Shark Boy can beat you, you’re no threat to anyone.


Speaking of Shark Boy. What did you say to me earlier? That you’re hungrier than me? Trust me when I say this, you don’t know what true hunger is. True hunger is when there’s no food in the fridge and every time you go out to buy some, you get robbed and beat up so you have to eat burned leftovers thrown in the trash from the local bakery. Don’t you tell me what hunger is. It’s been far too late since that belt has been around my waist and you can bet I’ll be doing whatever it takes to get it back. If a certain masked individual wants to get in my way, well I’ll be eating shark stew for dinner.

That signature sadistic grin comes across Ambrose's face as he looks up and turns to face the titantron again.

D’Von, if you really put all your faith in your lord to grant you the win, you really are as stupid as you let everyone think you are. Nobody decides how strong you are except you but I guess in your case, it’s weak. Are we supposed to be impressed by you putting some old woman through a table. I’ve had my fair share of decimating body guards to get what I want but that doesn’t prove anything either. I won’t go down with just one clothesline. You won’t have Bubba Ray to help you put me through a table. All you’ll have is the almighty lord on your side. And that’s all you’ll have when I throw your fat carcass over the top rope.

Ambrose turns around and once again addresses the individuals in the ring.

And for the rest of you who have stayed quiet…good. You wouldn’t want to get on my bad side after all. Being an enemy of Dean Ambrose can give you some severe…complications. But don't go thinking I'll just go away. No I still have to eliminate some of you. Sure you won't be on my bad side but when push comes to shove, I'm not going to give you the chance to throw me over those ropes. If Prince Devitt wants to send his boys down to the ring to help make the Rumble a bit more easier for him, well I have a plan for that. If Damien Sandow wants to sit in the corner for the whole match and avoid getting into confrontations, I'll go over there and kick him until he throws himself over the ropes. If Daniel Bryan wants to finally prove to the world that he's better than Dean Ambrose, well I'll be there to punch him right square in the jaw to help wake him up from his little pipe dream.


And then of course there's all the other entrants of the rumble who have yet to get their asses out here. From the World's Strongest Men to Fallen Angels to my former Tag Team Partner John Cena. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Where have to been John? It's like ever since our match, you've become a changed man. You went to war and now can't get the horrors of what I did to you out of your head. I told you from the beginning, the only reason you won our last encounter was because I was playing a much more longer psychological game and would you look at that, it looks like I won.

Ambrose laughs to himself before speaking up once again.

And that! That shame you feel emitting from someone who isn't even here, that is what you're all in for. But no need to start feeling bad. Everyone loses to Dean Ambrose. It's the circle of life. WrestleMania is where I go back where I belong, the top of the food chain. I've been in a personal hell these past few months, but now it's time for me to share it with the rest of the world.

Ambrose smiles and twirls around slowly as the crowd cheers and he slowly backs away and leans against the titantron once again. ​

 

[Chris Dresdon]

Steve raises his microphone, ready to respond to everyone.

"The Icon" Steve Borden: And the all too common theme continues. Quite an imagination all of you have thinking that me and Matt change personas from week to week, but here's the reality, we aren't donning personas from week to week, we aren't donning personas at all. If you want to see me with a blonde fade and colorful face paint or long black hair with the mime face paint or the black and red, if you want to see Matt in Japanese gear and writing on his face or with untrimmed hair on his back or in urban apparel, then I suggest you subscribe to the WWE Network because that's the only way you're going to see it. I come out here tonight as I did last week and every week before that since the night of November the 11th of last year. And with the ushering in of the new year, you'll notice that while everyone else was resolving this and pledging that, I have remained the same and that's because I don't need to resolve to do better, I'm already better.

The crowd boos to express that they disagree as Steve smiles before continuing.

Now, you want to talk about mediocrity? Didn't you hold a woman's title? Normally I'd scratch my head but with the way Desmond Wolfe coveted you and pined over you so passionately, it's only fitting that he'd paint you up like one of his French whores with that belt. No matter how much you scrub or try and hide behind the best of Webster's dictionary that is your vocabulary, you will always be stained with that and other examples of your own mediocrity, never to be clean again, even now that you've been allowed to spread your wings and give another brand a try. You're just a Robertson trying to be a Huxtable and that's all you'll ever be.

Steve turns his attention to Dean Ambrose.

Accusing me of needing my own brand to get noticed is a dig at the former NXT slash Anarchy, right? Typical Dean Ambrose, knob slobbing on Randy Orton again, going above and beyond to be a team player. But that's not the funniest part. No, what makes me laugh is that you of all people would talk about someone being forced down the throats of anyone watching week after week. Between the million matches you and Daniel Bryan had and the promotion of Y.E.S. as a group of gods, there wasn't room for anyone else to be crammed down a throat, you four were all that mattered. And maybe that's where the dig at Anarchy came from, because it was a compelling and entertaining brand that didn't have the same two guys facing off every month, had stables but didn't have them running roughshod over everyone without ever getting beaten, and didn't have anyone screwjob or politic their way into a championship. You guys have met Kurt Angle, right?

The only good thing I can say about you Dean is that you weren't stupid enough to get mixed up with Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns, but you can't be all there in the thinking department because you're picking a fight with me. It's about time someone came along to give you the beating you deserve, Dean. It's time for me to put down the Internet slash indy slash Raw darling. And no one thinks it can be done, in fact you've only picked up your microphone once and people are already giving you the victory. But people said the same thing about Kane, remember when Joseph Park booked him like he was untouchable? We all saw how that went, and the same thing can happen to you, and if we cross paths, it will happen to you.

Steve turns his attention to the stage.

Now here's where I get mad. The guys that piss and moan because the talking regarding the lead-up to this match is too much for them to take, they hate the Royal Rumble match because they can't hang. Mister Kennedy, you ball-less bleach blonde bitch, you think you're better than this match and that's why, "I'm only going to speak once". Stunts like this are what makes me shake my head at all the hype you had surrounding you for months on end. It's what makes me shake my head at Zack Ryder and Chris Benoit wanting to build their Hardcore division around you because, "Mr. Kennedy is sooooooo legit". A legit moron, a legit coward, but a legit competitor? Not when you have to struggle to keep your belt away from 911. Not when you talk in circles about aligning with Kevin Steen and Johnny Gargano. We heard you the first time, but no one cares. No one cares about you, no one cares about them, and clearly Kevin Steen cares as much about this match as you do, because he's still on his couch eating potato chips.

Steve turns his attention to Chris Masters.

Speaking of guys that piss and moan, that brings me right back to the future Mr. Layla El. I remember that match very well, Chris. You want to know which Chris Masters match I thought was a classic? Zero, but do you want to know how many matches you were in that I thought was a disappointment? (laughs) All of them. I don't care about letting the kids down, Chris, I don't care about letting anyone down. I'm in this for me and Matt Bloom and that's it. You really are the textbook definition of not only a mesomorph, but a neanderthal. Your brain functions well enough for you to eat, sleep, walk around, relieve yourself, and whatever sad excuse of a sex life the two of you have, but then you have to come to work. Uh oh, forgot about that. And that's why when you pick up the microphone all you can think to say is, "Daaaah, you're old, heh heh."

But there's someone that desires to be taken more seriously than you do, Chris, there's someone that's actually trying more desperately and that's the "Reverend".

Steve returns his attention to the stage.

Devon is so desperate to look like a threat in not only this match but he and Mark's eventual title defense that he went on to a talk show and assaulted someone that in no way, shape, or form has any wrestling training or any means to defend themself. I didn't even know Oprah was going to be in the Rumble, I guess you can still have surprises in pro wrestling in the age of the internet.

Steve now looks at the "Phenomenal" AJ Styles.

Well if I brought joy to grandfathers by winning the Global Championship a few months ago, I suppose you brought joy to the homeless when you won the Hardcore Championship. You see Allen, I'm sorry, "AJ", I wouldn't call this current run an imitation of Sting, I certainly wouldn't call it an imitation of Steve Borden the man. I think what happened is you grew the beard and hair out because no one gives spare change to a clean shaven bum, living under a bridge and squatting on street corners sitting in boxes made you depressed, and you just brought that to television with you. As for why you're wearing a hooded sweater and a leather jacket, well, you like hoods and leather jackets don't have them. Don't get me wrong, I hate that face painted joke of a man I used to be, but I respect him enough to salvage some dignity for the character.

Steve now turns to Shark Boy.

Back to you Jabberjaw, nyuk nyuk nyuk. You honestly expect me to be intimidated because you're gonna whip my bass and hit me with a Chummer? Is that the fishing line? You're too stupid to see that you contradict yourself when you open your mouth. You say that you aren't a parody act but then you fire off the modified one-liners. And now you've expanded to an even bigger circus act by adding Paul Burchill who's playing a pirate to imitate Johnny Depp who famously played a pirate. So he's third generation living a lie. And Grado? How many Impact rejects are going to come back to UWF, I mean really. And I'm not even going to get started on the deplorable team name you chose, you're like a couple of teenagers making fart jokes and laughing at your Anatomy textbooks because it depicts genatalia. And what's worse is the Smackdown heads approve of it. What's this company coming to?

Steve sighs and shakes his head before turning his attention to Christian.

Christian, you really want to talk about someone being second best to someone else? After the career you've had? Not just Edge, that's the obvious one, but Test and Lance Storm, Diamond Dallas Page, even Tomko overshadowed you to a degree. When I think of and behold all the guys in this match that have a chip on their shoulder they can't justify, you're top five on who makes me laugh the hardest. After all you've been through, all the opportunities that've slipped through your fingers and time after time that Vince McMahon told you to your face that you don't have any potential or star quality, here you are, strutting about and talking like you're the hottest thing this industry ever produced. Some would call it perseverence and self-esteem, I call it delusion.

Steve turns his attention to the crowd, addressing all of the participants at once.

But one thing I can't take away from any of you is that you're actually participating. The "Great White" Sheamus has yet to show himself, which is a shame because I'm sure Shark Boy wouldn't mind some company. John Cena has yet to show himself, but given his track record, that was to be expected. King Booker? Notably absent. It's a shame when a guy holding two of your championships can't be bothered to show up to work. No pun intended, Sheamus. Sami Callihan? Also not here yet, which has to have Ambrose pouting on the inside a bit, but he's probably still picking glass shards out of his head after that beating Fandango gave him.

Chris Jericho, Drew McIntyre, Hulk Hogan, Mark Henry, Kevin Steen, Christopher Daniels, and Ted DiBiase are also, missing, in action. Eleven guys that are having spots wasted on them, eleven guys that are going to put on pathetic performances and bring the quality of this match down, eleven guys that are going to have no chance at going to Wrestlemania. So, when you consider that eleven main roster guys are going to have the same shot at winning as the seven surprise entrants, this match is actually between twelve guys.

So on one hand, it's sad and pathetic. On the other, it's good news for those of us that actually want to go to Wrestlemania, because for all of us, there are only going to be eleven guys that'll actually put up a fight to go through, but don't be mistaken, gentlemen, the last one standing is the same as who it was going to be when it appeared that everyone was going to show up, the "Icon" Steve Borden.

No matter how fired up Daniel Bryan gets, and look at him folks he can't hold in the "Yes"'s and "No"'s much longer. No matter how charismatic Christian believes himself to be, no matter how much Dean Ambrose believes himself to be the untouchable favorite, none of them are going to win. I am. No matter how real Prince Devitt proclaims he is, no matter how enlightened Damien Sandow says he is, no matter how "Phenomenal" AJ allegedly is, they aren't winning either. I am. Not D'Von, Shark Boy, Test, Masters, and certainly not Kennedy, it's going to be me. No paint, no cheers, I'm doing this alone.​

​

 

[The Hoov]

As Ambrose finishes speaking, the voice of the "American Dragon" Daniel Bryan cuts the silence like a knife. He looks up at Ambrose at the top of the stage.

Daniel Bryan: Are you done? In fact, is everyone here done wasting my time? I did predict all of this, though. I knew that if I started this whole thing, everyone and their dogs would come out here and bark at me. Well, tell me, little doggies, are you going to just sit around and bark or are you gonna bite? I mean, hell, I could have sat here and placed bets on what you were going to say and I would've cashed out big time. It's funny how everyone shrugs me off and dismisses me. Just like my entire career, I have been told exactly what each and every one of you have told me. Do you think it bothers me? It sure used to, let me tell you. It drove me straight up crazy. So crazy, in fact, that I co-founded a little group called Your Enlightened Saviors. Ever heard of it? I was weak. I needed guidance. I became a puppet for you to use whenever you saw fit because you saw the potential that I had. I was weak......but I'm not anymore. I joined you, Damien, because I thought it was the only way I would achieve anything around here. In the land of giants, it's hard for a guy like me to really "break out" so to speak. I let the words of a few influence my career. I let those derogatory statements defeat me instead of using them to fuel me. Once I did that, things started to become clear......

Bryan looks out towards the cheering crowd and rubs his beard. After a brief pause, Bryan continues speaking.

Daniel Bryan: But, like I said, I'm not here for history lessons. Everyone out here already bored the audience half to death with theirs. Reason being is because, I'm not too much concerned with the past. It's happened already. It's yesterday's news. No, I'm here to talk about the future and February 2nd. I'll be walking into this ring and I'll be entering at a distinct disadvantage. No one expects me to matter one bit of difference in this match, which is fine by me. No one sees a snake bite coming either until it's way too late, just like the other 29 people in this match won't see me coming until it's too late. The arrogance of everyone out here doesn't shock me but what does is just how misplaced it is. Everyone out here, you just want to win this match because, "Eh, you know what? That'd be cool." Not me. The Royal Rumble isn't something to take lightly or coast through, which is what the vast majority of you will do. You look through your accomplishments and you think your past will help you win. No, your past will cost you dearly because, while everyone is preoccupied with what they "have done" or what they're "capable of doing", I'll be there to throw the monkey wrench in your plan.

Bryan looks over towards Damien Sandow and sizes him up.

Daniel Bryan: That was an impressive knowledge of sports injuries. Looks like hanging around that loser Mike Knox rubbed off on you. However, Damien, this isn't a biology test. This is wrestling and while you've proven that your capable of using every dirty trick in the book, you've also proven that your capable of not much more than that. So, you think you know everything about me, do you? Do you think you've got me all figured out, huh? Good, I'll let you hang on to that false sense of security because its humorous to me that the "Great, almighty Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses" is nothing more than a narrow-minded pissant not fit to lace my boots. I took note of all of your mannerisms, your movements, your subtle kinks you hoped no one would notice. After a while, I began to understand how your mind worked. Damien, you can't hold onto the ropes and sneak out a 3 count. Mike Knox isn't around anymore and Bray Wyatt doesn't care enough about you anymore to help you either. Damien, as a part of a group, you flourish but, on your own, you're no different from anybody else in the Royal Rumble and I'll prove it when I toss you over the top rope to the floor.

Bryan flashes a smirk Damien's way before addressing Steve Borden.

Daniel Bryan: Now we go from one desperate man to another. "Please, take me seriously. I'm not wearing facepaint anymore." Fact is, Steve, the facepaint never held you back. What held you back was your inabilities to be anything more than the facepaint. That's all you've ever been, Steve, and it eats a whole in you each and every day. Do you think you're little diatribe bothers me? Not in the slightest. You missed the entire point of what I was trying to say. I don't wanna be The Rock or Stone Cold and I damn sure don't want to be Steve Borden. You know, a lot of people would call you a "has-been" but I call you a "never were". I made friends behind the scenes? Really, Steve? There is absolutely no one backstage who has ever supported me besides Randy because he sees what these people see. When you look at these people, they disgust you, don't they? Why? Maybe the reason you walk around here with a stick up your ass is because no matter how hard "The Stinger" went in this ring, no one really gave a damn. I know no one ever gave a damn here in the UWF. After I boosted your ass from SmackDown, with an alley oop from ole' Sandy here, you thought you would just go to a different brand and make your mark but that didn't exactly happen now, did it? For all of your backstage supporters, for all of the opportunities you were blessed, you pissed each and every one of them away. If you find me annoying, it's because I don't sugarcoat the truth and, the truth is, I accomplished more in one calendar year than you ever did and I did it in spite of the lack of backstage support. I did it all on my own, without being the major douche that you've become.

Bryan pauses as the crowd continues cheering like crazy for the European Champion.

Daniel Bryan: "Oh, but hurr durr, I wasn't cashed in on, you suck LOL" You see, that's how little you matter to me and the entire federation as a whole. It wasn't that I got my facts mixed up, it's my lack of caring. But, since you bring it up, no, you weren't cashed in on. No, the truth is far more pathetic. You, a grown man, got thrown into a casket. Man, I would've went with the cash-in myself. It's a lot less embarrassing. But, then again, you are the kingpin of embarrassing yourself around here. You talk like this has been your only "transformation" but, it's really not. I remember a red-faced Stinger, telling the world that "Steve Borden was dead" and now I see that, no, in fact "Sting is dead". Look, I really don't care what you're calling yourself these days because I call you another victim. I can feel the resentment in your voice and I can see the rage radiating off of you. Steve Borden will get a heavy dose of reality in the form of my boot caving in his facepaint-less face and tossing his limp body over the top rope. Got something to say about it? How about instead of talking the talk, you walk the walk like I do. Randy doesn't do my fighting for me. I do. Whether I win or lose, it's me. I don't carry around a big bumbling idiot lackey with me like you do.

Bryan then turns away from Steve and looks at Chris Masters.

Daniel Bryan: Speaking of bumbling idiots, it's Chris Masters, making beard jokes. Very original, Chris. I want to congratulate you on your impending nuptials but, if you think you're going to win the Royal Rumble as some sort of "wedding present", you're sadly mistaken. I will, however, offer another present. How about a black eye or a broken rib? Maybe something a little more permanent like paralysis? Or maybe I'll just help AJ Styles toss you over the top rope.

The crowd cheers at the thought of this. Bryan turns his attention to AJ himself.

Daniel Bryan: I haven't forgotten Bound for Glory. On that night, you walked out with the World Heavyweight Championship. You were the better man at Bound for Glory but, this night will be much different. Flaunt all of your accomplishments all you want, it doesn't change fate and your fate, AJ, doesn't include a Royal Rumble victory. Just like another person here, a so-called "Instant Classic".

Bryan then glares over at Christian, who seems annoyed by Bryan mentioning him.

Daniel Bryan: Do you actually think that your words hold merit? You're hoping for this explosive response from me but, to tell you the truth, I'm just going to break it down for you in the simplest way that I can. Christian, you don't know anything about me. You think you know but you have no idea. You might have raised a few good points, my being over-shadowed by others during my times of triumph but, again, just like everyone else here, you're just digging up the past, which doesn't mean anything. But, then again, I guess the past is all you've got to cling onto because, all the things you said about me, they can just as easily be thrown onto you. But, I'm not going to stoop to your level. How about you just wait until the Rumble and we find out just who the real "Instant Classic" is around here.

Bryan then looks up towards the stage.

Daniel Bryan: Are we supposed to be afraid, D'Von, that you put Oprah Winfrey through a table? Because I can tell you for a fact that I'm not intimidated in the slightest. It's going to take a hell of a lot more than an idiot with a God complex to scare me. D'Von, make all of the idle threats you want, go to confession, eat the body of Christ and drink the blood, whatever helps you sleep at night and I'll do what helps me sleep at night and that's kick people's asses in this ring, yours included. And there's an ass I'd love to get a chance to kick again and that's you, Dean Ambrose.

Ambrose is leaning up against the stage. Bryan's words get his attention.

Daniel Bryan: Dean, let's get something crystal clear, here. You never made me. I am the architect of my own destiny. I didn't need a few matches with you to prove that I am The Best Wrestler In The World. I do it each and every time I step into a ring. Dean, who you're looking at isn't the same me you faced on SmackDown. No, this me is very different. I have evolved, Dean, something you have failed to do. Force yourself in the title picture? Go ahead and try. I hope you do because, when you get there, there will be one guy at the tip top of the food chain and that's the same guy who's going to throw 29 other sorry souls over the top rope and fulfill his destiny. When the smoke has cleared and the dust has settled, no one will be talking about you or anyone out here in this ring. They're going to be talking about the guy they should've always been talking about. Me.

Bryan lowers his microphone as someone else lifts theirs up.​

 

[rawisrey]

Damien seems almost confused, he looks at Borden concerned before he speaks directly at him.

Damien Sandow

Hello in there Steve…Tell me, what color is the sky in your world? Firstly you believe yourself better; ironic since it’s arguable you’ve changed position in years. Then you ask if I’ve held the Woman’s Championship, to answer your question: No, Mr. Borden, I haven’t. Doesn’t that put a damper in your inept and far off point? And let us not forget the other claim that the despicable general manager Desmond Wolfe “pined over [me]. Earlier you stated that I was one of his favorites, which if you remember correctly was the complete opposite as I was cheated, disrespected, and forced into injury because of his atrocious handling of the roster…but let us not linger on that, for there is something else I want to point out. As you are quite frankly the worst type of ignoramus there is, for I can appreciate those who believe ignorance is bliss not knowing any better, but someone attempting to seem intelligent when they are no better than everyone else is a level of hypocrisy I do not tolerate. Now I appreciate you attempting to seem civilized, but “to pine over someone” means to long for someone, to feel lingering, often nostalgic desire, to wither or waste away from grief or to mourn. That would mean that if Wolfe, Pined over me back then he would have been gone at the time, oh and to covet means to feel immoderate desire for that which is another’s. You are basically saying he wanted me but I belonged to someone else, which might come into question why in his run he kept pushing so many against me and never gave me my rightful opportunity at the Worlds heavyweight championship or granted any of my rematch clauses and of course who I belonged to at the time… you ignorant, incoherent, pedestrian. Do you know what that word means Mr. Borden? It is an adjective actually, meaning Lacking of inspiration or excitement; dull…in other words “Steve Borden”.

Sandow takes a deep breath, tugging at his robe straightening it out as he keeps his composure, turning towards


Daniel…Why am I not surprised, you see those injuries I listed they were not simply random… no that my dear friend was the medical history of the individuals who stood in the ring at the time. You believe you know me, but child let me enlighten you like old times. I am not some craven opportunist, I pointed you in the right direction but I never let you into the planning stage. That is why your greatest victories came when I was clearing the path in front of you, and why now all you have to your name is pinning a champion already knocked unconscious by outside interference and a Co-Championship. I know how angry you are, how mad you are that after all your struggle you have to share a title, how disgusted it makes you feel that the claim of ending such a long reign is tarnished by having Daniels name alongside yours. You want to prove to everyone at the Royal Rumble that you do belong at the top, that it wasn’t just a fluke, that it wasn’t because of Y.E.S. It’s okay Daniel…because I want you to know something…once you’re on the outside in shock…not able to comprehend what occurred…how you lost…I want you to know one thing. I forgive you Daniel.

Sandow smiles to Bryan, before he turns his attention to Ambrose.
Pardon me Mr. Ambrose, but you state that there is only one constant here in UWF. Well Mr. Ambrose, need I remind you that death, disease, corruption, and insanity are also constants in today’s world and all of those are not looked upon too fondly. But I am here to make life better, to hand you all the cure to the disease known as incompetence, to better society and bring about sanity once again to this world. Now, Mr. Ambrose I am actually delighted you’ve arrived, for you of all people can attest to how much of a misconception people have about me no matter how common it may be. For you have in the past claimed me to be craven, and yet you and I have fought tooth and nail, we had what some have claimed as one of the greatest bouts in Smackdown history and I was the man who came out the victor. One on one, I have the answer to Dean Ambrose’ dominance, and perhaps you can make that clear for everyone else that I am not one to take lightly.

Sandow smiles out before he looks at Masters and Layla and almost looks disappointed.


Mr. Masters how disheartening, I would have thought having a lady such as Layla by your side would allow you… perspective. It would somehow make you better, but now I’m sad to see I was mistaken. As far as your inquiry goes, a pedagogue does nothing to enlighten, for they themselves are only reading the words of another and handing out papers. Oh I apologize I realize my vernacular will go right over your head; a pedagogue is an instructor which of course makes it a synonym for teacher. A Synonym is a word or phrase that means nearly or exactly the same thing as another word or phrase in the same language. But of course all of this is again going in one ear and out the other. For you see, to truly enlighten I must completely have access to your mind and show you the true way. In other words, Teachers simply teach, Saviors Save.

Damien gives Masters and Layla a smirk before turning to see who else he might of missed, coming to AJ Styles and continuing.


Mr. Styles…Why no, by the look of: your attire, your lack of grooming, your lack luster vernacular, and of course the…”championship” you are currently holding, It is clear that you and I have never met. This is quite despondent, for should you choose to follow my word I believe you could most likely become a better person. Phenomenal even, however I can plainly see you are happily lost just like many in the UWF audience. All of you who believe that ignorance is bliss, but I shall open your eyes and lead you down the right path…and while some may do so willingly, as the individual in the audience who can plainly see the good I am attempting to parlay, others like yourself need to be converted…and you will be, slowly and without hesitation…I shall save you.

Sandow turns his head to Shark Boy


As far as you go…

Sandow raises a finger up to the crowd

Allow me to dispel another common misconception all of you seem to have, this fine robe made of Egyptian cotton and spun by the Sandow family tailor, it covers nothing else but my own body. Which means underneath here I do not have some thesaurus or dictionary as most of you seem to believe I do, in fact I find both of these to be quite possibly the most atrocious books in our society. For what once was written to help enlighten, is now simply a cheat sheet just like your precious google, you do not better yourselves you simply read the answer you need at that one instant and then forget it immediately. I don’t need these tools of the ignorant, because I am enlightened, the vernacular I portray is my own and these words I state are not: Big, Confusing, Fancy, used to hide behind. No Children, these are Words established years ago, words that are no different than the words found in all of your rantings, simply because you do not comprehend them doesn’t make them different it simply makes you a slack jawed moron.

Sandow turns back to Shark Boy once he said those last three words, seemingly directing them right towards him as he crouches down slightly as if lowering himself to his level.


So let me make it clear, Boy…The Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses, the former UWF, Television, and Tag Team Champion, the uncrowned Worlds Heavyweight Champion, and your intellectual superior does not concern himself with the thought of “impressing” you. You dare question my capabilities in this ring, well I hope you survive long enough to come into my presence, for I can show you first-hand how useful I am in a fight.

Damien flares a nostril in disgust as he stands up straight and turns his head, he notices is Christian.


You Promise me Christian? Well then, I didn’t realize it was a promise how silly of me, I shall take my leave.

Sandow simply lowers his microphone for a moment, shaking his head in disappointment before continuing on.


Do you realize how many promises, how many guarantees, and how many destinies, I have put to bed alone? So many times people have promised to be the one to shut me up, to enlighten me, to prove me wrong and time and time again they fall. I appreciate you taking it upon yourself to promise victory, I appreciate your sudden confidence, but it is all for not. For like the entirety of your career, there is promise but it ultimately goes nowhere. If only you would recognize this, and attempt to change, perchance to enlighten yourself. I could make you better, make you smarter, you know how to climb the ladder but I shall show you when to do so and how to grab the brass ring that is so sought after.

Sandow turns to the audience.


But that brings me to a very abhorrent point, as it seems the lot of you have refused to accept my benevolent and generous offer. I have extended out my hand to save all of you and yet I simply garner despise and insults from you all. Sadly I expected as much, for you all have dreams of your own…dreams so vivid they cloud your judgment. But let me remind you all what a Dream is, a dream is something that will disappear no matter how much you wish it to believe it. I don’t live in a dream world, I don’t concern myself in what I wish to happen, I plan out what is going to happen. And what is going to happen is I will outlast, I will outsmart, and I will win. Join me, be saved…and I can help you realize not your dreams but the fact that they are simply that, dreams. For once that happens, you can move on, you can better society and better yourselves, follow my path and under my wing you will be responsible, however indirectly, to the salvation of a world.

Sandow raises an arm out towards the sky, as if reaching for this future before he brings is down and finishes.

I can only hope those who haven’t made their presence known yet shall take my offer into consideration, but if they do not let me explain something to those questioning it. I do not seek or require assistance in this bout, I have proven on my own merit to be able to outlast and with a simply adjustment I shall do reach the end victorious as I have taken into account every single possible factor from past injury to upcoming bouts leading towards this bout. I am the most prepared person for this bout in its history, so I do not need help. Do not mistake my attempts at conversion, for whether it’s 29 or 1 standing in my way…I…Damien Sandow…shall emerge victorious. I need it more, I want it more, I deserve it more, and I am for all intents and purposes more. More than a man who seeks a fight, more than a man seeking redemption, more than a man attempting to prove a point, for I am your Salvation
​

 

[Sam]

Shark Boy can be seen in the corner whilst all this commotion is going on continuously drinking beer to the point of drunkenness. Shark Boy grabs the mic and in a slurred voice he speaks again.

Shark Boy: Listen here you sons of bitches, I'm sick and damn tired of listenin' to e'rybody out here sayin' how they're gonna win the Royal Rumble... because they're not!. I am. And believe it when I say it... believe me when I say that I'm going to do real good in this match. Maybe I'll do well enough for Daniel Bryan to acknowledge me!... yeah, didn't think I'd notice did ya Dragon?. Now I've known you for years, I've known ya since ya were a young kid making his way on the indies and I remember how humble ya were, how willing to listen you were and now look at ya. Ya won't even mention Shark Boy. Why?, d'ya not respect Shark Boy?, d'ya not think Shark Boy's capable of throwin' ya over a damn top rope?. But y'know what Dragon, believe what you want, but I want you to know that you've hurt my feelin's. You've hurt me Dragon but it's okay, I can get over that... I don't think you'll be able to get over the bass kickin' you'll be gettin' at the Rumble though...

Shark Boy stumbles towards Steve Borden.

And the same goes to you Stinger, or Steeeeve, or whatever yer damn name is this week. But it doesn't matter to me who you are, and it doesn't matter to C.U.N.T. who ya are either. This is Dean Roll talkin' to Steve Borden, no catchphrases, no puns, this is man to man, and I'm tellin' ya right now... I might be a little liquored up, my breath may resemble the smell of a brewery but after the Rumble there's gon' be two types of drinkers, party drinkers and them who drink to drown their sorrows and you will be the latter. Sure I like Stone Cold Steve Austin, I'd call him an inspiration... my hero... and hell I grew up to be just like him. And I can say that I'm glad, I'm real glad that I did because if I was a Sting fan I'm sure I wouldn't have become a pro wrestler, an ass kicker, a guy these people love to cheer because just like Sting eventually did, I'd grow older to become an insufferable asshole and that's the truth. No catchphrases, no puns, just total... albeit drunk... truth, deal with it.

The crowd are cheering Sharky on as he takes a breather to sip some of the beer bottle that is in his hand. Shark Boy turns to Dean Ambrose.

And you!... you... you wanna talk about not being able to eat?, about fightin' for every scrap of food ya do eat?, well since we're bein' real I suppose I can tell ya that Shark Boy ain't exactly had it easy. In fact he's had it real hard. Fired from UCW, fired from UWF, I've had it rough on the indies, I've wrestled for meals, son, and I can assure you that just like you feel that hunger for glory from those days in your past, Shark Boy feels it in his. I can't afford to drop back out again, I need to make it this time. And no little punk bitch called Dean Ambrose is gon' stand in my way. So listen 'ere when I tell ya, ya little mop haired prick, you better get used to the idea of Shark Boy being the hungrier of us two when he's biting chunks outta ya at the Royal Rumble and I'd be damn careful of anythin' else ya have ta' say because if ya keep goin' ya won't have to fight for yer meals because ya won't be eatin' with yer jaw wired shut!

Dean gets right in the face of Shark Boy, Shark Boy grips his glass bottle of beer tightly but nothing comes of it as both men nod, Dean giving a wry smirk as Shark Boy moves on.

AND SINCE WE'RE BEIN' SO DAMN REAL!... what about this sumbitch Christian?. Ya wanna know what's real about Christian?... nothin'!. He's about as damn real as Prince Devitt over there, but at least he doesn't keep bangin' on about how damn real he thinks he is. Confused Christian?, well I'll put it to ya this way, you're meant to be some sort of Captain Charisma right?... well then why they hell ya ain't said nothin' charismatic since ya been out here?!. You're worse than Sandow or Borden, just goin' on and on about how you're gonna win the Royal Rumble. About how the Christian of the past is gone and how you're ready now for one more opportunity... what a load of crap... here's what's gonna happen Christian. Once again you'll come up, big lights, big opportunity and once again... just like everytime before, you'll fall at the final hurdle. And that final hurdle... believe it or not... is me. Shark Boy. Now there's some real talk, boy. Wooo!

Shark Boy is getting feisty on the devil's brew and it seems apparent when he's ripping into everyone he sees. He turns back to Borden for a quick going over.

And ya know what?, it's funny because the same damn thing really applies to you. Hear me out, just like Christian you've accomplished next to nothing in this company. No matter how many title matches you've been put in on the grand stages, you've never quite pulled it off, never quite been able to grab it with both hands... well... apart from the Global Championship but I'll be damned if I can remember much of that... I don't know whether it's the alcohol or the damn head knocks over the years, but I'll be damned if your Global Championship reign was anythin' of note!. Now then, goin' by yer past when ya had the facepaint... when ya had the red facepaint... when ya had the Joker get-up... through all the phases... you've always came up short, why the hell would it be any different when ya take the make-up off, lose all the support of the people and generally become a boring, moody old bastard?.

Shark Boy looks dead into the sunglasses protected eyes of Steve Borden before turning to Damien Sandow.

And as for you. Ya think ya can belittle Shark Boy?. Ya think ya can make Shark Boy out to be the fool?, well I ain't gon' stand for that anymore EH-EH!. You standin' there talkin' about what yer damn robe is made out of reassured Shark Boy just how much of an ass you really are. So Mister High and Mighty, let me put it to ya this way, ya may think yer the 'Intellectual Savior of the Masses' or whatever the hell it is, but I'll tell ya right now ya ain't jack-shit to Shark Boy or all these people in the arena, or hell any of the people in this ring. Even the people Shark Boy don't like... don't like you. And I will take great pleasure of takin' ya by yer dumb lil' robe and tossin' ya over the top rope before ya can recite any dumb poetry or anythin' like that. Shark Boy 24:7 don't stand for literary excellence... Shark Boy stands for whippin' sumbitches like you's basses 24 weeks a day... 7 hours a week!... don't you laugh, you know what Shark Boy means!

Shark Boy obviously drunk now gets his words wrong, still he continues to finish the final beer, he has now consumed 12 cans and 6 bottles. He stumbles to the centre of the ring. A ring tech tries to communicate something to him.

OH I'M DRUNK?!... the suits in the back want me to leave the ring?... EH-EH, Shark Boy will leave when he's done speakin' what he's sayin'!.

The crowd cheer the drunken rebel as he continues on his tirade.

Now all these people all have the same thing in common, none of them have any respect for Shark Boy. I'm like Rodney Dangerfield, I don't get no respect and it hurts me man. It really does, in fact I put it down as the main reason I drink. The main reason why I hate so many damn people and the main reason why I just feel... compelled to open up cans of bass whip everywhere I go!. So I say keep goin', go on, disrespect Shark Boy, disrespect C.U.N.T., call us all jokes 'cos at the end of the day yer only fulin' this alcohol fueled redneck in a fish suit and his band of misfits and outcasts to do what we do, and what we do is whip bass and what Shark Boy is gonna do at the Rumble is whip bass to a level never seen before this side of the Deep Blue Sea... and there ain't a damn thing anybody can do stop me, no matter who ya are... if yer a bearded psychopath...

The crowd chant 'WHAT?' as Shark Boy left the pause so obvious they had to.

A brainbox in a robe (WHAT?!), a street kid with a mean streak (WHAT?!), a reformed alcoholic (WHAT?!), a damn portrait of physical conditioning (WHAT?!), a fallen Icon (WHAT?!)... you could be anybody on this damn planet earth, it won't make a difference, not even a little one because this match belongs to Shark Boy!. This match belongs to the Shark-O-Holics and all the people in the world that appreciate a man steppin' up to the plate where nobody expected him to and makin' an impact. And an impact is what I'll make when I throw all y'all's basses over the top rope and take one more step towards openin' up the biggest can of bass whip ever imagined at Wrestlemania as I finally become World Champion and prove everybody who said that Shark Boy was a joke, a parody, a laughing stock... when I prove all of them wrong!... and prove that Shark Boy is stayin' around, Shark Boy is to be taken seriously and above all else that on any night of the year Shark Boy is capable of whippin' any dumb sumbitches bass on the whole roster. Just so happens that night is the night of the Royal Rumble!

Shark Boy looks around, he's breathing heavily, he's speaking from the heart and he looks to be done in the ring, he goes to leave before coming back in for one last word. The crowd anticipate.

AND THAT'S THE FISHIN LIIIIINE... 'COS SHARK BOY SAID SO!

Shark Boy throws the microphone to the ground and drops out of the ring much to the relief of management. Shark Boy trips over the foot of the ramp but composes himself and heads to the back to let the rest of the competitors
​

 

[Cwalker]

As Trish takes her bow, Paul Heyman lifts the microphone back up to his lips and speaks again.

Paul Heyman: Good evening Miss Stratus. How long has it been? How long has it been since my client Mat Morgan destroyed your client Edge and left as the Undisputed Ultimate Wrestling Federation Champion. Obviously it hasn't been too long because your management skills are still seriously lacking. Every time you come to this ring Miss Stratus, I lose more and more respect for you. It's gotten to the point where it is borderline disappointing. Your biggest mistake was taking on a client as ignorant and as underwhelming as the quote-unquote "Samoan Bulldozer" Umaga. Your second mistake was attempting to cash in on an over the hill, second rate nobody like Edge. And your last mistake Miss Stratus is the one that will forever plague you; you put your ego in front of your client's well being.

Paul Heyman: It has followed you your entire career. You have this insane notion that you are better than you actually are. But the truth of the matter is, you've never been anything more than something pretty to look at. A little boy's fantasy while he lied in his bedroom at night. Well this isn't fantasy Miss Stratus; this is very much reality. And the reality of the situation is this my client Matt Morgan has already proven that he is superior than your client Edge. I have proven that I am already a better manager than you and at the Royal Rumble, Alex Riley will prove that he is better than your monster.

Heyman: And when he does, Alex Riley will take his rightful place at the top of the mountain as the Ultimate Wrestling Federation World Heavyweight Champion. Then and only then will G.E.N.E. dominate not only this company but the wrestling world in general. Just imagine, Alex Riley dominating RAW as the World Heavyweight Champion and Matt Morgan dominating snot only Smackdown as this company's Number One guy and the Ultimate Wrestling Federation Champion.

That last statement catches Riley's attention as he claims Morgan will be "The Number One Guy" in this business. Riley demands that Heyman give him the microphone.

Alex Riley: I see what you're trying to do Trish and it's not going to work. Your divide and conquer strategy is not going to pay off. G.E.N.E is a solid unit and we are going to take this company by storm. Matt was given the first opportunity but that doesn't mean my time isn't coming. All I've been waiting for is an opening; a chance to prove that I am just as good as Matt Morgan. And this is it, I'm going to take that briefcase and I'm going to show the world that Alex Riley is legitimate. And I'm going to do it at your expense yet again. You have to remember Trish, this isn't the first time I've stared your monster in the eye. And do you remember what happened the last time I was in the ring with Umaga? G.E.N.E destroyed both him and The Rock. And now your monster doesn't have any back up which means I'll just dismantle him even quicker.

Riley: You made a mistake coming back so soon after your meal ticket was embarrassed at Starcade. You should have waited until after The Royal Rumblewhen it would have meant something but now you're just jumping right back into the fire. None of your immature jokes, none of your attempted divide and conquer strategies, none of it is going to work. I'm going to destroy the Bulldozer and I'm going to claim my spot as the Number One Guy in this business.

Riley turns and looks directly at Heyman as he speaks that last sentence. His manager replies with "Of course you are"

Riley: And I don't care if I have to go through a Bulldozer, a ballroom dancer or a self-entitled egotist, I'll beat them all. Ethan Carter and Fandango, two of Smackdown's much less talented, yet much more arrogant "superstars." That's all they are, they're not wrestlers, they're superstars, entertainers, and bad ones at that. Fandango hasn't been the same since Matt Morgan came to Smackdown and successfully defended his International Heavyweight Championship against him and Ethan Carter is nothing more than someone who hasn't been given proper competition. Sure, they're the Ultimate Wrestling Federation Tag Team Champion but that's only but that's only because management is afraid. They're afraid to give us a Tag Team opportunity because they know what we are capable of as a team. It's just another case of management not affording us the opportunity to prove that we are better than every other tag team in this company. They'd much rather give teams like the Second City Saints and TIOC an opportunity because it's provides a greater sense of parody to the tag team division. Everyone here knows that of G.E.N.E were Tag Team Champions, we wouldn't lose those titles and that's why they have been kept from us.

Riley: But it's ok. For now, I'll let Fandango and Ethan Carter masquerade themselves as Champions. But know something boys, the masquerade is almost over. Come Royal Rumble, Alex Riley takes his first step towards immortality. And I could care less which one of you I have to go through to get there.

Riley: And that goes for anyone else in the back. I could care less if you're on RAW, Smackdown, in developmental. If you step in this ring with me at The Royal Rumble, I will put you in your place. I've been forgotten and ridiculed for far too long and it's going to change. Forget everyone that has come and gone. It's no longer about Steve Austin, it's no longer about Cody Rhodes, it's no longer about Dean Ambrose, there is a new man in town. And his name is Alex Riley.

Riley lowers his mic as someone else begins to speak up.​

 

[Andrew]

"Curse Icon - Down" begins to play throughout the arena, the crowd erupt to their feet knowing this is the newest UWF acquisition. With the guitar strums and drums blasting out, the crowd are enjoying this theme song. Gargano comes out via the crowd, he then steps into the ring before speaking.

Johnny Gargano: It's all fun and games here isn't it? Before we get things started, allow me to introduce myself to you all. The name's Johnny Gargano, majority of you may think of me as a UWF Rookie but believe me. I don't enjoy being called a rookie especially when I've been wrestling for the past nine years. Sure I haven't wrestled in the big league for very long but the raw talent I have is something you all desire and wish you could have. I'm unique, I have what it takes to be victorious in this match and I wouldn't lie about it, I feel quite confident. Yeah, there's some wrestlers out here and I know I've ignored you so far but don't you worry I'll address the lot of you. But first I must speak on this "Rag to Riches" match, first off... I couldn't care if I was poor nor rich, I'm just happy doing what I truly love and that's wrestling. I got a lot of pride in it, but when I look around this roster... All I see is people who've been here for too long and have accomplished nothing. Now let me tell you a fact, I, Johnny Gargano will mean something very soon, I will have accomplished something quicker than you think. That's a promise, there's no ifs or buts about it. I am the real deal. But look at my childhood hero, The Undertaker... Weren't you a dead man just a few weeks ago? Did you happen to wake up and decide "Fuck this, I'll be a biker because Sons of Anarchy is the big deal now". Is that what it is? You're living something that was a past, there's no present nor future on your behalf... Well, the future is you'll probably choose a gimmick where you're an old man and you don't like kids being in your territory. Now Mark, I did look up to you. DID, being the key word here. But you've gone soft, you've became absolutely nothing and it disgusts me. The days where you used to main event, the days where you'd hold a Championship and put prestige in it... But I find you here, desperate for a match. You've became a broken man Undertaker, but how long will it be before you declare yourself that you cannot live this life and you're forever dead? There's no rise. Just silence... death. It's quite awkward hearing you bitch about wanting a title shot because as far as I'm concerned... You never did that when I looked up to you, I guess old age is catching up quite fast. Now, I ain't in the Royal Rumble match and you don't hear me complaining about that... I saw this match was happening to those who are not in the Rumble and I don't think I'll be passing up this opportunity, I'm going to take it and seize the day!

Gargano turns to Paul Heyman and Alex Riley.

Johnny Gargano: My, Oh, My! Another one from my childhood. The man who made E-C-W mean something important. It's a shame it got shat on and it's now nothing. It happens in the business Paul, it isn't easy but I'm absolutely dumbfounded... Where the hell is your buddy Brock? And why on Earth have you selected Matt Morgan and Alex Riley of all people? Sure Matt Morgan is the UWF Champion, big ups hey... but Alex... Oh Alex... You're just like one of those annoying kids that hangs about and never goes away. When was the last time you were even booked? Is this why you're in this match? Because you're desperate? If you're going to ask me the question... I've got a match on Smackdown this week, so at least I'm being booked! But you... You're just a sheer disappointment leeching off Paul Heyman, to me... Paul's the stupid one here. Yeah Paul, your clients are suppose to mean something. Now I give you credit for Matt Morgan but I cannot fathom myself to deliver the extra credit when you've got this guy... Now, even though I despise many people or they choose to hate me... I know for a fact that if you want something, you've gotta go for it. You don't do it by going up to management and bitching day in, day out... It's probably why E-C-W died Paul... you just let it all slip away because you wanted things for you and only you. Well, all the things you want for Alex Riley is just going to be another shattered dream. It's reality Paul, it really is... Johnny Gargano is going to be the man that ensures that Alex Riley doesn't get very far in his career, not like he's done anything yet anyways! But I find it funny how you Alex, of all people is claiming to be the best? The better athlete? Alex, please do me a favor and take a deep look in that mirror... Maybe grab a paper and pen and write down what you've done so far in UWF because on the paper it should say NOTHING!

Gargano then spreads his arms out wide as he looks towards the titantron.

Johnny Gargano: Typical, real typical. We get someone who's too scared to walk down the entrance ramp and address these people like a real adult. So some guy who reckons he's a dancer and Ethan... Well Ethan is too caught up in his aunty's dilemma of making things become more tragic than they already are. Well, I've got news for the both of you. You can continue to dream, even though you're Tag Champions... You are a target just like everybody on the UWF Roster. There's opportunities left right and center and I am not letting any of those pass me whatsoever. So Fandango, Ethan... You can tell your Aunty Dixie to try deliver you what you want, the International Championship shot or whatever belt they decide to give us the opportunity with. But the fact is, when I win... I hope it's the Tag Championships because I will be going straight after you and knocking you out. I am the Bee's Knees, The Cat's Pyjamas and the Whole She-Bang! I'll take as many opportunities as I can, whether Kevin Steen who I've associated myself with and Mr. Kennedy. But if Kevin wants to come out here, I'm going to say straight up. This match is every man for himself, but I am a man who's on a mission and that mission won't be deemed impossible... It will become possible and I will soar like never before. Do you honestly believe you both will be at WrestleMania? You won't make it that far if you continue to believe in your comedic self, you need to be very serious about this entire situation. Nobody is as more serious as I am, I am determined, I need this. Why? Because I am going to prove Mr. Kennedy and Kevin Steen that the trio of us are not failures, we're winners. It's what we do. Even though Ken has recently lost the Hardcore Championship and have slipped... Kevin didn't win on debut, but he's bound to bounce back... where as I... well I've got a Smackdown match this week and I'm looking to top things up by winning this match at Royal Rumble. I have a lot to offer, a lot to prove and it starts when I remove Fandango and Ethan Carter III out of the main course!

Johnny turns to Trish Stratus as Johnny smiles and winks.

Johnny Gargano: What is this? All these childhood memories are coming back, great moments. Now I am here, I'm making things become MY MOMENT! Yeah, you heard right Trish. Even though I idolized the many of you here, there's no time for idolizing at all here in UWF. You may bring out your monster Umaga who hasn't been seen... well I believe since the UWF Restart! Now Umaga's another one who found his way to the very top, he couldn't speak at the very beginning but something must have happened because he ended up speaking and reminded me of Jamal. Oh wait! Umaga is Jamal! It's funny Trish, the fact you're associating yourself with the many. Unlike the rest, I don't demand respect, I don't demand for anything. You think just because there's a monster in this match... Well, so called monster. That I'm suppose to be afraid? I don't fear anything at all Trish, I'm a man who will take anyone, big or small, fat or skinny, male or female. I honestly couldn't give a damn what was thrown out in front of me! I don't care what your client did last year and I certainly don't care what he does this year because it's Johnny Gargano's year! The name will be remembered all over the world, now I know you'll think I'm destined for failure but I promise you, I'll prove you Trish... You'll wish you never had Umaga as your client once this match is over. You'll be wishing you could hire me, you'll ask me for your services and I'll gladly decline because I don't need your services. I only joined Kevin Steen in his crusade to see what he can prove, but I am my own man... Regardless of the association, it doesn't mean anything because I'll continue to do my own damn thing whether they like it or not. It won't take long at all until I am destined to compete for a Championship belt, so whoever is holding the belts right now... Try and keep it because I'm coming, I'm coming straight for you!




​

 

[Slim]

Trish raises her mic with a smile on her face still to reply. First addressing Heyman and Riley.



The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

It has been around a month Paulie and allow me to correct you on something. It wasn’t your goofy client Mattie Ice that took out Edge. It was MVP with a chain wrapped around his fist. But that is very much like you to try to take credit for something that you do not deserve. To try to elevate your clients with achievements that they did NOT do. And as far as you losing more and more respect for me… riddle me this Heyman… when have I ever cared what you thought about me? I’ll give you a couple of seconds to think on that… never. So you can have absolutely no respect for me and you know what? I’m going to still come out here and do what I have been and that is achieve. That is lead.

You talk about how disappointing to lead Edge and Umaga. Well let’s see Edge is a former UWF champion, tag team champion, European champion, and Money in the Bank winner. Umaga is the longest reigning UWF Extreme Champion in history. I think that sounds very successful while you have Morgan that has done something but what has Riley done besides keep his high school Varsity jacket looking nice and clean? If anything, the resume for UWF says that I’ve had the much more successful clients than you and I’m the disappointment? Well… I guess I should strive to be mediocre at best. Because the only one I see putting their ego ahead of their clients is you. You talk them up as if they have conquered the world whereas mine actually have done everything they set out to do… only half of yours have and you still walk around like your king of the world. Sit your fat ass down.

The crowd lets out a cheer as Trish continues.

The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

And as far as you go little kid, don’t take my words wrongly. I’m not trying to divide and conquer. I honestly don’t care what you and him do. I’m just merely the outside eyes looking in to inform you that you are nothing to him. Whatever you do is up to you. If you wish to continue to stand with him being the mindless puppet that you are achieving nothing because he is so fixated on Morgan and making sure he stays at the top then by all means continue on the route that you are on. And as far as the last time… you try to give yourself too much credit. Because if I can remember correctly… you got your ass handed to you and it was your partner, it was Heyman’s favorite client that achieved anything. But being that match is your only claim to fame I can see how you would try to act like you were a factor in the match. So perhaps I could be nice enough to give you some credit right?

Trish takes a moment to actually think about it. And then comes up with an answer.

The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

Nah. You have to really earn it and that night you didn’t and come the Royal Rumble in your pathetic attempt to try to make yourself legitimate after all this time will also amount to nothing. I mean really nobody looks at you as a threat at all. They see Umaga and they are all thinking oh shit we have to deal with him. They look at you and they think… well at least it isn’t Matt Morgan so this should be a piece of cake. So Riley… understand that I’m the nice person here because I’m willing to tell you the truth here. I’m willing to lay my ego aside and help you see what you are failing to see. That you are NOTHING. That you just flat out suck and will not achieve anything in this industry except to be a punching bag to anybody that stands across from you because you will be just like Undertaker. Forever seeking respect and never garnering any. So take this time to grow up, leave your high school career behind, leave the varsity crap behind, leave all of that behind and grow a set of balls kid.

But oh no I’m not done because someone else wanted to come out and open their mouths about something. I’m not sure I quite caught your name there. Johnny Gragano? Oh it isn’t… well its close enough.

Trish turns and faces Johnny to address him directly.

The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

First I have to say… you sound like a complete tool and you are just embarrassing. You love wrestling, you are just glad to be out here, you are just… so full of shit. Either that or you’re just gay. I mean just looking at you I can see that you’ve never once in your life ever felt the tender touch of a woman but you’ve had many years rolling around with the sausages haven’t you? So come on… seize the day. Achieve. Believe. Be a believer. Be one of those that tries to be an inspiration to all. Do the unthinkable. Push yourself to believe that you can achieve anything. And then when all of that happens… be sure to open your eyes from your dream land and come to the realization that you are still nothing more than some bottom of the totem pole sack of crap named Johnny something.

And the fact that you want to address what he did before? So be it. You aren’t the first. Hell Sting tried to bring up the whole dead factor. So you going the route of Jamal… come on… I’m sure that you could have done better than that but then again looking at you I can see that someone like you would never look to achieve the best. To go to the very top but will instead always look to settle for average. Always go for much much less. Always be that guy that will look to achieve just enough to get noticed but never look to be great. Never look to do what is necessary to be the very best. Why? Because you don’t have the drive, you don’t have it in you to try to be the best because you see what it takes and it scares you. It scares you to try hard. It scares you to try to put in the amount of work it takes to be the very best in this industry so you would much rather float around the middle of the pack so that you can be seen but will never be good enough to achieve anything.

And understand John Boy… we haven’t had to demand respect to get it. We earned it the old fashioned way. By proving that we are the very best in this business. Something that you will never be able to say about yourself. So while you try to talk up about not being afraid of a monster… it isn’t him that you should fear. It should be failure but then that is inevitable for you isn’t it? I mean do you honestly believe in yourself enough that you’ll achieve greatness. Do you honestly think that you have it within you to make it to the top? Do you even think that you stand a chance in this match? Because I can answer all of those questions for you and tell you that no you do not believe any of that. Because you know deep within your little gut that you can’t and won’t achieve anything. You know that in this match you will be lucky if you even get a hold of a single briefcase.

So understand kid… I don’t want someone like you on my side. I would never want someone like you by my side. You are one of those leeches that would just drain the life out of me in your helpless pursuit of mediocre. You settle for average while my clients will not rest until they achieve the absolute best. So get over yourself and open your eyes. You are NOTHING to me. Not even a speed bump in the road. You are more just a little miniscule dirt clod that wound up in the way. Something that can easily be stepped on and blown away. So if you really want to achieve greatness and see yourself as something… see me after the Rumble after you are done crying and I’ll buy you a game system and a wrestling game that way you can create yourself and I’ll even buy you a second controller so you can make sure the other guy doesn’t move and you can win. Because here… the only thing that you will achieve is being an annoyance.

Trish turns away from Johnny and faces the crowd.

The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

This has been a long time coming and I am so glad that the time is here. Because this is what UWF has been lacking all this time. They lacked me, they lacked Umaga. They lacked a duo that can easily just dominate and take over at the snap of the fingers. For too long things have been boring, average at best. But now all of that will change because we are back and the Rumble… Rags to Riches… we will be the rich that thrive and cash in on our reward.

Trish lowers her mic.​

 

[Nate]

The attention is turned to the titantron once again as Bubba Ray is shown driving a vehicle down the freeway with Reverend D'Von in the passenger seat. Reverend D'Von is looking in the mirror as he eyes the cameraman that's sitting at the back with a smile, Bubba Ray Dudley is looking focused on the road trying to not to go into road rage with his fellow drivers.



Reverend D'Von: Praise the Lord my brothers and sisters, for we have both been told by the Lord as to what our next assignement shall be before the Royal Rumble match shall commence. I know for a fact that none of you sinners appreciate what me and Bubba do behid the scenes, but our goal is that nobody walks away from the Royal Rumble match the winner except for me; the only one who can handle the pressure from winning such an enormous match without going into complete chaos. If you don't believe me then take a look at what happened at last years Royal Rumble match. The Lord has approved of granting The Miz's wish on winning the Rumble match, but as we all know the man was subdued into complete madness and ended up losing his title match against Batista a mere 5 months. The Miz has proved nothing to the UWF Wretched that he's worthy of being champion, and he has shown our Saviour that he has not mentally prepared for the responsibilities as the World Champion. As a matter of fact, God Almighty knows that nobody is worthy of pursuing the greatest gift of all; one of the two World Champions. Except for I, Reverend D'Von Dudley, of course!

Reverend D'Von chuckles to himself, still looking at the camera through the car mirror.

Reverend D'Von: I know that it is a common courtesy for the UWF Superstars to jump to pointless and absurd conclusions, but nobody ever considers my deeds to be good deeds for society. Everyone that has spoken to me in the past few months have said that I have evil intentions for the UWF and it's 'fans', and by soon being the UWF Unified Tag Team Champions they assume that I will be turning into a Charles Manson type character. Well I have to admit that the cult references are really getting out of hand, I can assure you sinners that your view on God's work is not only incorrect and ridiculous. I may be your Tag Team Champion, but by winning the Royal Rumble I can do the unthinkable and that's finally restoring piece to the UWF once again. No more 'Best in the World', no more World Champions disappearing without a trace. I will become the new King of the People as long as the UWF is running.

The crowd boos as Reverend D'Von turns around and looks directly into the camera, readying himself to dish out some more truthful insults towards his opponents.

Reverend D'Von: Before I start preaching about how deceiving my opponents may sound, allow me to point out the points that my more pathetic opponents have said. Firstly AJ Styles, my intentions in my 'vigilante's were not to intimidate others with my size, but rather to intimidate morons such as yourself and Jay the Cameraman with my choice of words. I know that I'm human and I can only do so much, but God is the biggest force of them all and even a self-righteous man such as yourself can understand that. I will admit however that your words aren't as confusing as Mr. Kennedy's. I have battled with Kennedy once and to say the least I am not impressed with how that man functions at all. I would be more then happy to take out the weakest link in this match. Mr. Kennedy, your days are numbered in the UWF and I will personally see you out of the arena as the UWF Wretched mock your mere presence in the Rumble match. Chris Masters is another useless waste of space, considering that Layla is making him come out and say all these awful things. Oh and I can not take Steve Borden seriously since he chooses to call Bubba Ray by his real name still. Pity that aging doesn't make others wiser.

Reverend D'Von shakes his head as he takes a quick look at Bubba, then back to the camera.

Reverend D'Von:The man who mocks Christ has spoken again, and yes Daniel Bryan I mean you. It is quite adorable how you pretend to play dressup and act and talk like your the second coming of Christ. Everyone loves a good story about how the good breaks free from the evil, well according to your 'innocent' perspective anyways. The truth of the matter is Daniel Bryan is that you're alluring the fan's emotions into thinking that you're an underdog in this matchup, but the truth is that you're more then qualified to be taking on Matt Morgan or Shawn Michaels in a title match. The truth is that all you want to do with the Royal Rumble is add the win to your already overstretched ego, and quite frankly it's quite disgusting. You are the LAST person in this Rumble match that needs this win, as I'm sure that you can gain a title shot anytime you wish. What am I saying, you are ALREADY a champion for crying out loud! Your greedy little eyes need to steer clear away from the big gold and worry about taking care of the European Championship before it's too late. Oh and as for bringing just desserts to Oprah Winfrey, that was to prove a point that not even the most powerful people on the planet can withstand the Wrath of God!

Reverend D'Von laughs to himself and sits back on the seat. He takes a look at a road sign nearby to see how far his destination is, then looks in the mirror again to the camera.

Reverend D'Von: Soon I shall arrive to my destination to do the Final Deed before the Royal Rumble, but all I can do right now is pray and bring out the truth from the wicked that plague the ring. Christian, my brother from the Great North, always the skeptical one to bring out the worst in everyone. Yes I went on national TV to hype up my appearance in the Royal Rumble, but that is because my job is to spread the news to the people. The UWF Wretched watching the show already knows what my true intentions are, but with a broader fanbase I can gather more support, and with God I can easily win the Royal Rumble match and head on to Wrestlemania to become the World Heavyweight Champion, or the UWF Champion if I choose to leave the forsaken brand known as RAW. I may not have a prayer that can save me from the Instant Classic, but there is no prayer that can save you from being a complete lunatic my brother, you and all the other bumbling fools that appear on RAW!

Boos can be heard from the crowd inside the arena as the titantron shows Reverend D'Von turns towards the camera again, Bubba Ray Dudley slowing the car down as they reach a red light in traffic.

Reverend D'Von: I agree with you Dean Ambrose that putting an weak old woman through a table means nothing to the real superstars such as Bubba Ray and I, but seeing how Oprah is a much stronger human being then you ever will, I think the Lord has made a mistake in not adding common sense to you. The only man who is stupid is the one that injects a bunch of substances inside his body and considers it a no big deal. Heck you'd even do it right now should one be allowed to smoke in the arena. Yes I have Bubba Ray on my side, but what I don't have on my side is a hot headed temper that would surely get myself eliminated, and THAT my brother is how you will meet your end to the match. The only soulless body that will be thrown over the top rope is you my brother, and I can't guarantee that I will be the one that will see to that, but I will have the last laugh when you shall walk back to the locker room with your head bowed in shame.

A green light is shown on the traffic light as Bubba Ray drives the car forewards. Bubba points to a sign indicating how far their destination is as Reverend D'Von grabs the camera and sits it on his lap, showing D'Von's face with Bubba's image on the right side of the camera.

Reverend D'Von: It's just a matter of mere minutes before we make it to our destination to perform the Final Deed for the Lord, just enough time to make a final reply to Bubba Ray's eye roller from Smackdown. Shark Boy, you have said quite a few things since I have last shown my face to the UWF Wretched. It might because because of the abuse of this so-called 'clam juice', but I've heard of worse so I will allow that to slide. What I won't allow to slide however is how you make such lame threats towards me. In case if you don't watch RAW Shark Boy, I'm a changed man and I am much different from when I was on ECW. This collar around my neck shall stay on my neck and shall not be touched from such filthy hands such as yourself. I will be on my knees praying Shark Boy, and my advice is for you to do the same if you want any glimpse of hope to win the Royal Rumble match.


Reverend D'Von is seen looking out the window and has a big smile on his face, then looks back to the camera.

Reverend D'Von: I aplogize for my rudeness Mr. Damien Sandow, but I'm afraid that I can not comment on your lunacy as the time as come for me to do the Final Deed before the Royal Rumble match can take place. I will be back to give a final message before the Final Deed shall commence, so perhaps you can wait until then. Where am I going you all may ask? Well I'm afraid that you will all have to wait, but I guaratee you that is shall be worth your patiene. Oh my brother, testify!

Reverend D'Von shuts off the camera as the titantron turns to black, then somebody else decides to speak up.
​

 

[Nate]

I Crack Skulls for a Livin'!



Bubba Ray Dudley appears on the stage as the crowd gives him a mixed reaction. Bubba Ray walks down the ring holding on a microphone and rolls in the ring. He takes a look at everyone in the ring and raises his microphone up.

Bubba Ray Dudley: Aight, let me set da record straight right now! Whoever said that The Dudleyz are nuttin' but cowards who hide behind da teevee screen is officially on my shitlist right now. Oh wait everyone' sayin' that, so I guess I have to give off a round of ass kickin's to y'all!

The crowd gives a mixed reaction to Bubba Ray as he continues.

Bubba Ray Dudley: Don't any of y'all gimmie an excuse ta split yer head's open right now, cuz I ain't in a good mood at all. Actually what I mean by that is that I'm in a seriously pissed off mood! Not only am I being harrassed by being associated with mah very religious half brother, but I'm receivin' a bunch of mockery tweets on twitta' for fallin' through a table on RAW! This kinda crap not only pisses meh off, but is pisses me off that they're right! I've been under da shadow of mah insane brother for too long, now it's mah time ta shine! I've allowed ta enter dis Rags Ta Ritches match since I'm neither in the Rumble or the World title match at the Royal Rumble. Y'all better hope that I don't grab onto the World title briefcase because y'all would never get an opportunity for a title again once I beat that redneck Shawn Michaels! Sorry ta say D'Von but I don't have a lot of faith in yer skills and prayers n' shit in the ring, but I however have full confidence in MY skills! And come da Royal Rumble match, I will be guaranteed ta leave with one briefcase. Nay, I will be leavin' with ALL the briefcases cuz none of ya pussies would be standin' after I'm done with y'all!

Bubba Ray Dudley clears his throat as he looks at The Undertaker in the eyes.

Bubba Ray Dudley: Oh lookee here, it's the undead deadman! Hey the 90's called ya Big blueberry, dey want their movie storyline back! I mean c'mon, who in da hell believes that some spooky phenom has came back as some stoopid biker punk? Well Taker, I laugh at the fact that yer tryin' ta take yerself seriously, but that shit ain't cuttin' it fer me! Guess what? I'll walk on yer yard as much as I want, because I'm da real big dog in this park, and I'll gladly make yer yard mah territory! The only respect that yeh get is from the whores that yer payin', cuz yer sure as hell ain't gettin' no respect from meh! As a matter of fact, I'll make sure that yeh will never gain any respect in MAH yard when I'm done makin' yer stoopid ass look like a little bitch! What's that Taker, you want ta say somethin'? Well know yer place and wait yah turn then!! Y'all be gettin' no title shot as long as I'm 'round, pal!

Bubba Ray and The Undertaker are locking eyes, then Bubba moves away and looks on to Johnny Gargano next, looking really annoyed to be seeing him.

Bubba Ray Dudley: Guess what I gotta say ta yeh, yeh vanilla midget: nuttin'! All I heard shootin' from yeh stoopid mouth was a whole lotta nuttin', and I'm not sure if I should start shakin' mah head or laugh in yer face. Well since I'm a nice guy, I'm gonna do yah a favour and assume that yah got sumthin' important ta say da next Johnny Gargano opens his mouth. Be imma warn ya right now that I ain't a patient man like mah brother, and if yer shootin' yer trap and a bunch of jumbled up shit come's flyin' out again, I will rip yer lips off yer mouth boy, just try meh!

Bubba jerks his head towards Gargano, trying to get him to move back as he turns around and walks up to Paul Heyman and Alex Riley. He takes a quick look at Riley then turns his attention to Paul Heyman, Heyman starting to sweat a little bit but keeps his cool.

Bubba Ray Dudley: Well if it ain't Paul E! How ya doin' buddah! It's good ta see that yer helpin' out the less fortunate in the UWF, but I gotta tell yeh that dis kid here looks ta be completely hopeless. I mean I can see him bein' the next Paul Heyman lackey like CM Punk was, but dammit did ya have ta embaras yerself in public by pickin' up da runt from the litter box Paul? Well whateva' this match would be easia' fer me ta win dis match with Alex Riley struggin' ta even outwrestle Trish Stratus in the ring, let alone a true man like mahself. Bubba Ray turns to Alex Riley, who is clearly not impressed with Bubba's insults. What pal, ya didn't like what ya hear? Well guess what runt get used ta it! I don't care if yeh graduated from Yale or whatever yeh came from, yer not a real man until you pratice what yeh preach. You wanna be a wrestler, well then yeh better learn ta grow a set and step in the ring with da big boys! Mommy Heyman and Daddy Morgan can't hold yer hand forever, right? There may be a new man in town but his name ain't Alex Riley, cuz you sure as hell ain't a man!

Bubba is smiling now, having a blast insulting the young Alex Riley as he looks at Trish Stratus. He struts over to her in a way that douchebags would walk over to a girl at the club. He gets in the face with Stratus and gives off a flirty look and a big smile as he speaks into the microphone.

Bubba Ray Dudley: Well well well if it ain't miss Tig Ol' Bitties herself Ms. Trish Stratus! I know that yer married, but ya may as well be single still, considering that ya spread dem legs open real wide for The Rock and Edge, and maybe even that livin' apeshit bulldozer known as Umaga. Tell meh Trish, how did it feel when I layed yeh out on dat table seveal years back? Did ya get the feelin' that ya got plowed by a real man, huh? I bet yeh go home to yer husband and wish that he was as much of a man as I was. I know that D'Von thinks that sometimes, but he won't admit it. C'mon now babe, do yeh really think that Umaga can past two minutes in the ring with the rest of da boys? He's too stupid to even know where dis arena is at, how in da hell is he going to know where the briefcases are hanging? Imma gonna make Umaga my bitch, so guess dat makes yeh my bottom bitch, does it Trish? Don't act like yer insulted, cuz I know that yeh want me to have yer 'services', don't yah babe?

Bubba Ray winks to Trish Stratus then walks up to the remaining two guys, the World Tag Team Champions Fandango and Ethan Carter III. Bubba sees the belts that they have and raises the UWF Tag Team Championship high in the air while speaking to the mic.

Bubba Ray Dudley: It looks like that we meet for da first time gents. The man who won the real tag team belts, and the two poser kids who are keepin' mah other belts warm for meh! It's kinda cute how yeh cuddle dem belt's like yeh cuddle each other like yer the smurf squad or sumthin'. I ain't playin' with y'all or anythin' but yeh two are a complete embarrasment to da Tag Team Division. Yah damn well better know that if I have the briefcase for da tag team belts ya better bet yer rich asses that the Dudleyz are comin' after yer precious little belts. Ya don't scare me Fandango, I can't take yeh seriously after yah made an embarassement outta da International Title which pissed me off greatly. And you Derrick Carter, you are a dipshit to da max and I can't wait until I get mah hands on yeh! Be prepared boys, because we're about ta go in a brawl; and only I will be walkin' out of here in one piece.

Bubba Ray Dudley turns around to say something else but he's interrupted from...​

 

[Chris Dresdon]

Some things never change, do they, Bubba?

The crowd boos as Matt Bloom and Steve Borden come walking out from the backstage, Matt with a microphone in hand. Both men make their way down the ramp and enter the ring as Matt turns his attention to the crowd even though he broke the silence by addressing Bubba.

Rags to Riches. Let me ask all of you a question, not that you'll give me a proper answer. Who on this roster better sums up the concept of going from rags to riches than Matt Bloom? Prior to coming to the UWF, my entire career had become a joke. With my build and my height, I deserved to be at the top of the food chain, dismantling every guy that climbed into the big man's cage, feared by men and women alike, respected and revered, envied even. Instead, I was made into a laughing stock, and instead of guys being fed to me, I was fed to them. I did everything I could to be a model employee, to be someone that you fans could get behind, but you rejected my every attempt, in turn rejecting me. When I tried to have a little fun with you by being the Hip Hop Hippo, you mocked me, you made me look and feel like nothing but a fat loser, and management noticed because that's all I was allowed to go out there and be, a fat loser.

When I tried to be serious and be the A-Train, all you would do is chant at me to, "Shave my back, shave my back." Nothing worked, nothing! Not being Albert, not being Prince Albert, nothing, so I told the WWE where they could get off at and I went to Japan, the only place I truly enjoyed some success and was treated with credibility. But then, then I made the mistake of returning to the WWE. "It'll be different this time" I had convinced myself, and how couldn't it be? I had a brand new persona, something that was going to get me taken seriously, something that was going to get me main event respect. Lord Tensai rocketed me to the top on my first night back and I dismantled your precious hero John Cena, but after that? Back to obscurity, back to the chants, back to being made to feel like a fat loser, back to getting no respect. But obviously I still hadn't learned my lesson, because I tried to have fun again, I dressed up like a Beastie Boy and called myself Sweet T so that I could dance around with Snoop Dogg's former bodyguard and two women that'd look less out of place if they were in a gentlemen's club, if I'm being honest, or "Funkadactyls" as they were called.

Then one day, I decided that I'd had enough. UWF was downsizing from four brands to two brands and management had decided to send Sting to Raw for the first time in his UWF career, except he'd also had enough, he didn't want to pander to you idiotic fans anymore. He reached out to me and told me this, he told me his plans, he told me that he wanted me to join his crusade so that I too could have my redemption and that I too could taste what it was like to breathe new life. And now here we are, a few months later, and while there's no longer a title among us to boast about, we're still on top of the wrestling world. Steve is poised to win the Royal Rumble, and since that leaves me with an open schedule, why not spend my time winning this Rags to Riches match?

The crowd boos this as he nods with a smile on his face, telling them, "Oh yeah, it's happening!" before turning his attention to Bubba Ray.

Now, back to you, my old punching bag. I see that you're still parading around under the guise of this hardened by the streets thug, Bubba. (shakes head) Still weak minded, still a puppet, still blind. Don't get me wrong, it'll serve you well against the rest of the competitors in this match, but me? You're sunk. I've already seen this battle strategy and I've bested it. You remember that night, don't you? Or did I drop you too hard? (smirks) Me and you being in this match is actually a good thing, Bubba, and not just for me, but you as well. Not because you're going to get your win back, but because I've been watching what you've had to waste your time with since Steve and I left Raw. I mean The Shield? Those goons in the vests? Every time I see them I can't tell if they're going to wrestle or have a paintball match, but they're too afraid to enter this match, so why am I wasting my breath?

Matt turns his attention to The Undertaker now.

Undertaker in the biker get-up, now that brings back memories. Remember that Nathan Jones kid you tried to take under your wing, Mark? That panned out real well, eh? But let's keep it current. For example, you mind explaining to me exactly what kind of hit to the head you took that made you think you should go back to this persona? Our belief system is that all personas make you blind and slaves to this fanbase, but with that in mind, I'd rather berate and demean you because you're trying to be a ghost cowboy than this Limp Bizkit inspired garbage that wreaks of twelve years ago. It's funny to me, because while AJ Styles and Chris Masters try to get Steve riled up over his age, the elephant in the room that everyone blissfully ignores is the fact that you're the one going through a mid-life crisis.

All the signs are there, man. You married a woman younger than you, you cut your hair, probably colored it too, and now you're wearing a bandanna and a wife beater with the neck line cut out of it and dusted off the ol' motorcycle. I'm not sure what's going to paralyze you quicker, "Deadman", getting into this ring with me or getting flung from that motorcycle. All of it in the name of and the pursuit of respect. Well after you got beaten within an inch of your life at Starrcade and then Eddie Guerrero beat you within an inch of your life again this past Tuesday, I'd say the pursuit's not going so well. Do me a favor, Mark. On the morning of the second, when it's time for you to get out of bed, when Michelle's rubbing Bengay on you so you can slide into your girdle, ask yourself a question. Ask your surgically repaired orbital bone, your damaged hips, your busted knees, your crackling bones, your aching muscles, your hurting head and, after the chair shots you took, likely stitched up forehead as you limp to the hotel bathroom to relieve yourself, is it worth it at your age?

You would've gotten more respect if you thought of your health and bowed out of the industry gracefully, but no, you have to do things your way. Well don't expect any mercy out of me, because if you want to act and be treated like you're full of piss and vinegar even though it's more like dust and denture water, I'll honor your request.

The crowd is really letting him have it now.

Go ahead and boo me, I'm not going to allow the double standards to thrive. If you want to play the age card on my mentor, I'm going to play it on whoever I see fit. Now Umaga and Trish, the dancehall twins, Paul and Alex, I'll get to all of you in time, there's someone else I want to address first.

Matt turns his attention to the "Cat's Pajamas" of the UWF.

Johnny Gargano. Little...Johnny...Gargano. It's obvious that no one's had the common courtesy to break this little truth to you yet, so allow me. You might have nine years under your scrawny little belt, but that means absolutely nothing here, because no one knows who you are, nor do they seem to care, I know I don't. I was rolling my eyes so hard when you signed a contract to come back to the UWF after Impact folded that Steve thought I was doing an impression of The Undertaker. Look, guys talk about other companies and what they accomplished there all the time, I just did it a few minutes ago. UCW, UWA, WWE, WCW, CZW, TNA, whatever the company may be, it happens a lot, but usually those guys have a reason for doing it, because they've actually done something that makes them recognizable. You? Not so much.

Exactly what is it that makes you unique? Because I look at you, ninety-five pounds soak and wet, able to do a flip or two, and I don't see anything special. Bubba over here's probably rubbed his eyes once or twice to make sure his brother Spike wasn't standing out here. Is it because you've aligned yourself with Mr. Kennedy and Kevin Steen? Because, on that note, you shouldn't get too big in the tights. Need an example? If MopHead came back, I'd be more impressed by them, and that's without Al Snow or Perry Saturn showing their faces. While I'm on the topic of your vanilla pudding gang, if I were you and that was the company I kept, I wouldn't talk about people too scared to walk down the entrance ramp after Kennedy tucked his balls into his microphone case for the Rumble and we haven't seen rib nor roll of Steen, who by the way is in the Rumble match and won't be appearing in this one because the rules clearly state you can't be in both, moron.

What's up with Kennedy's bleach job, anyway? Is it because he really wants the second Marshall Mathers LP but can't afford it now that he doesn't have that toy title to carry around and couldn't win a match with a handgun and a pardon? You want to accomplish something, Johnny? Well I get these really bad migraines when I hear you talk, so let's remedy that together. You walk down that ramp at the Royal Rumble, climb into this ring, and we'll see how many Baldo Bombs I have to give you before my migraine goes away.

By the way, I couldn't help but notice they're neither cheering or booing you, they're just kind of sitting there. Now in Japan, they do that as a courtesy, as we both know, but that's not what these people are doing, kid. That kid over there's looking at you like you're the Create-A-Wrestler on his video game. They're indifferent to you, they don't care about you, and next Sunday when I deliver on my promise to Baldo Bomb my migraine away, that will be the only time you hear them cheer me. I'm going through you like a saloon door, kid, make room for Bloom.

Matt lowers his microphone smirking as the crowd continues to shower him with their disdain.​

 

[EffectsofRaven]

Heavy chuffing riff of John Cena's My Time is Now hits the PA system but this time, it's a heavy metal riff and John Cena marches out from the backstage with a somber look on his face wearing his old fashion, "Rise Above Hate" Jersey on.

John Cena then takes his time walking down to the ring, people are quite confused with the way John Cena is acting, he's still being showered in boos but he ignores them for the time being, but he does react into the camera yelling, "It's times of change," before climbing into the ring, he takes a microphone and addresses into the crowd.

John Cena: Ladies and Gentlemen, I apologise for being late to this party but The Soon-to-be-Champ is here!

The boos echo around the arena as John Cena stands in the middle of the ring, back in his Rise Against Hate gear; he shakes his head as the rumbling of the “Cena Sucks!” chants.

Please, let me say my peace folks.

Don’t get me wrong, you guys can let it all out because that’s all you been doing for the past year; boo the living crap out of me and I’ve had enough!? The last two months have been hell for me, I lost my UWF European Championship, that was my everything and he I stand a broken and defeated man.

The fans begin to react, someone feeling sympathy for Cena, other’s don’t; John Cena looks at Dean Ambrose.

Hell, the last thing I did which was relevant or was a defining moment for John Cena; was defeating you at Halloween Havok while that might have been my defining moment of my career in UWF, it has also been a curse because since then I have been on nothing but a down spiral and with the Wrestlemania being around the corner, I need to get out of this slumb and well, the good old fashion wrestling cliché of making a statement at the Royal Rumble is truly screaming in the ear of John Cena.

I need this after all the mistakes I’ve made the past year and yeah, I’ll be honest; I’m a real slump right now but I expect that to change at The Royal Rumble because you ain’t gonna be seeing The UWF European Champion John Cena but The John Cena who never quits, who never says die, The John Cena that brought him to dance every single night of the goddamn week.

Damn right I’m gonna be righting the wrongs of the past year and I don’t expect you fans to believe me just yet but by the time Wrestlemania comes around, The Champ who could can believe in again will be ‘ere!

John Cena catches Steve Borden shaking his head out of the corner of his eye, John Cena turns and looks at Steve Borden.

What’s the matter Steve, you seem quite cynical more than usual? I know you’ve gone through a lot of changes the past few months just like me, sure you won the UWF Global Championship while I lost my UWF European Championship but you’ve managed to turn yourself into a Grade-A Jackass and hell, I haven’t heard someone complain so much as you have been; I’m sure all these fans are more tired of your BS than they were tired of seeing me being an asshole every week for the past year; I mean c’mon man, grow a set you’ve been in this industry longer than I have and all you can do about it now is whine and complain; if it’s too hot in the kitchen for you Steve, then get the hell out of it instead of jumping right into the fire because you’re gonna burned and I’ve been cooking something up especially to burn you with!

A few sections of the crowd cheer John Cena for his rebuttal of Steve Borden; Cena is even genuinely smiling for the first time in roughly a year and he isn’t done yet with Steve Borden, taking a cheap shot.

Steve, I gotta say, I noticed you got this hate and angst as soon as you started teaming up with Matt Bloom, well I think I can speak on behalf of everyone here and in the UWF Backstage when we say, we’re pro-equality and your so called persecution isn’t because you wrestle a bear each night but it’s because you’ve become a Jackass! But I digress because Steve, this is the million dollar question, when you wrestle the bear, is he on top to start with or are you?

John Cena smiles as more fans gather behind him, Steve Borden doesn’t look impressed at all and goes to respond but Cena fires back.

Woah, woah, woah! Slow down there Steve, this is my time and I’m going to use it, so sit and wait in line Jack.

I feel you man, I really do, you just want to tell the world and you should man because you were a role model to almost all of us back in the day and now you’re old age, with your new revaluations in life, you can be a role model to all the young fans and to a whole community.

The young fans and old fans begin to slowly gather behind John Cena’s new and improved shrewd sense of humour as he continues this time taking his attention onto the next unsuspecting person.

You’re gonna be an inspiration to us all Steve, just like Daniel Bryan is an inspiration to all those people who can’t be bothered to have a wash and shave because that goat face was one of two guys to beat me for The UWF European Championship and Bryan, I don’t think I’ve said this yet but congratulations, you won; you done it, you dethroned John Cena and I commend you for that but don’t think that gives you a rite of passage at the Royal Rumble because it doesn’t as I said, I’m going to make a mends at The Royal Rumble and when I say I make a mends, that means I’m going to beat you and everyone else straight up and that’s a promise and you can bet your bottom dollar on it happening; this is my rite of passage and there ain’t nobody that is going to take that away from me.

And I mean nobody! It doesn’t matter whether it’s Captain Creep Christian, My Daddy’s Got a Few Dollars DiBiase, I’m Making Yet Another Come Back Raven, hell I could be stood in the ring with our very own Good Ole JR; I ain’t letting anybody stop me from redeeming myself as it’s not just for me, it’s for all these fans who booed me for the past year because I can guaran-damn-tee they’ll be cheering me by the end of The Rumble instead of jeering me!

John Cena is gathering momentum and he’s slowly getting the crowd to swing in favour as he continues this time turning attention another man stood in the ring.

Hear that, Damien? That’s the fans gathering behind a true cause, not your cause of cleaning the unwashed masses; hell if there’s a guy that smells in this ring aside from Daniel Bryan, it’s your son, when was the last time the intellectual saviour thought it’d be a smart idea to get some soap and go rubba-dub-dub? All joking aside, I’ve stood up against your cause way back yonder on Smackdown when I last had the fans behind me and I’m gonna stand up to ya again this time at the Royal Rumble because I’ll be damned if I let you or any other preacher win this Royal Rumble. This Rumble is the fans and I’m gonna give these fans the winner they want and deserve and unfortunately AJ son, that ain’t gonna be you either and not that ain’t because you’re a bad guy but it’s because they want the comeback kid, the comeback hero and you’ve been there and done that last year.

I say that because it’s true, I saw the rise and fall AJ Styles last year and because of that, I don’t think we’re that different, we’ve been through our own rough patches, you went through your’s last year around Summerslam time and you came out fighting, you came out The World Heavyweight Champion and I’m gonna’ do same thing but the difference is I gotta’ get through twenty nine other guys and then The Champ at Mania; now I ain’t saying beating Daniel Bryan ain’t a mean feat but this is the hardest feat to overcome but I’m a man who is always about overcoming the odds and this is just another one for me to overcome; I’ve gotten a lot of monkeys off my back over the past year and no monkey was bigger than Dean Ambrose.

The fans erupt for Dean Ambrose, last year these two had two epic and dramatic encounters and nobody would say no to a third but this time, it’s going to be in The Royal Rumble.

Because of you Dean, I lost it all; I lost my friends, I lost my family, I lost my fans, I lost my Championship but most of all I lost my hustle, loyalty and respect just to get you off my back; sure I beat you but at a cost and while us two will never be sending each other Christmas Cards, I can say right here and now you are the toughest son of a gun I’ve ever stepped into the ring with; me and you, we share the same philosophy the never say die attitude and it’s won us championships, it’s broken our bodies and it also means we’re at a stalemate; you’ve beaten me and I’ve beaten you and this the decider because only one of us can walk out the winner of The Royal Rumble match and I’m spoilin’ for a fight son, so don’t expect this John Cena to pull out some dirty cheap tricks; this John Cena is gonna do what he should of done the first time around and beat you like a man, so don’t be looking over your shoulder and watching for me because I’ll be right up in your face Dean but the question is, can you see me?

John Cena lowers his microphone looking at Dean Ambrose after finishing his rhetorical question but he’s not entirely sure whether Dean Ambrose will be the next to answer.​

 

[Chase]

AJ goes and he looks on at Cena, and he begins to speak

AJ Styles: Well Cena it is nice of you to join us for this match. We do realize you have been busy after losing the European Championship, and you’re looking to redeem himself. Cena I can respect that, but let me tell you Cena your goal of winning this rumble won’t be easily sought out. You talk about overcoming the odds that is what I do every single day I am here. I overcome people who just look down on AJ Styles, and think that I’m past my prime. I prove them wrong, and Cena I will be looking to prove you wrong when I take you out in this match.

AJ goes and he looks on from the titantron as if he was speaking towards Reverend D-Von

AJ Styles: Let me tell you D-Von that was a better video then one you have posted earlier. So for that kudos to your upgrade in video quality. Though D-Von I do know God is my witness, and just like you I believe in the great lord, and let me tell you I see the path the lord is taking me on, but the thing is D-Von God can’t control everything you do. You control everything , so D-Von the lord you may say he is on your side, but just know D-Von don’t blame the lord when I throw you out.

AJ turns to Sharkboy

AJ Styles: You know Sharkboy it would be a cool little story if a man who busted his ass off like you won this rumble too man. I have no problem witnessing a deserved superstar who never got a big break in the old TNA days. That is why I wouldn’t mind anyone else, but you to win this match. Just know Sharky I won’t be going easy on you, but for now let’s move on to Dean Ambrose.

AJ looks at Dean Ambrose and he goes on as he speaks

AJ Styles: Dean I am glad you’re impressed with what you saw from me against Kennedy. I am please to say you have been one of the few men to actually see all the hard work I have been putting into for weeks. For that sir I have my respect for you, and as much as there men who I want to face in this ring one on one, you’re the one guy who I want to face the most. We have never gone one on one in this very ring against each other, but Dean I would love if the final 2 came down to us. I would love to see what magic we could bring into this ring, but most importantly for you people look at UWF, and they think about Dean Ambrose, I would love to be able to prove to people even if it’s just for a moment that AJ Styles is better just a little bit better then Dean Ambrose.

AJ looks on as he goes and he speaks towards to Christian

AJ Styles: You think I am selfish in this match for thinking how I am thinking. That I want to headline Wrestlemania. Heck Christian everyone in this rumble is selfish, and they all have something to prove. If I am considered selfish for wanting to better myself, and become the man in this company then so be it. Because you see the thing is Christian I always was looked at as a man who wanted to help other people, and never myself. I love the people in this arena don’t get me wrong, but AJ Styles can’t be focusing on everyone else. No I need to focus on myself, and what I need to do to win. So Christian go on and say your words about me being selfish, because ultimately everyone in this match is selfish. Now for you Damien Sandow.

AJ turns to Damien Sandow

AJ Styles: Damien, you wanted to talk about how I could be saved, and how I need to change my look and who I am. Sandow the robe that you wear that is you. That is what represents who you are, and what makes you. This right here my jeans, my jacket, my beard it represents me. It shows what I am a hardworking son of a gun. That is what I am. That is what makes me. I don’t need any saving Damien Sandow, I have already been saved once before and I know how to save myself. You hear that Steve about why I am dressed like this?

AJ goes and he turns to Borden and he begins to speak

AJ Styles: Steve I am pretty sure homeless people weren’t jumping around when I won this hardcore championship, because they have no TV to watch me do this feat. You see Steve you can paint yourself as an icon still, but like I said earlier you don’t have that honor, or that luster to be considered an icon anymore. It seems to me that you want to send a message to a lot of us young whipper snappers, but the thing is Steve that message it ain’t reaching towards me, and I’m not feeling with what you’re saying so Steve if you want to berate me and call me Allen go right ahead, because it dosen’t phase me. Cause Allen Jones is AJ Styles and unlike you I’m not ashamed to say it, and Allen Jones is as well phenomenal.

AJ goes and he begins to speaks towards Daniel Bryan


AJ Styles: Bryan I know I haven’t won a rumble just like you. Yes I did get the better then you at Bound for Glory, and you know what Bryan I look to do the same at the Royal Rumble. Bryan I know you better than most in this match. Sure Damien Sandow has teamed with you for the while. Yes Dean Ambrose has had countless matches with you, and heck the same can be said for John Cena, but Bryan in our 48 minute classic we had in this very ring I learned everything about you. I know what move you’re going to do, even before you’re going to do it. Even my good buddy Christopher Daniels has been calling me asking me how to defeat you. Well Bryan let me tell you I didn’t tell Chris anything because I want the secrets to stay with me.

Styles goes and he takes the center of the ring, and he begins to speak

AJ Styles: You see I said it my house not too long ago, but I will say it again. I may not be smart like Damien Sandow, or technical like Daniel Bryan, or crazy like Sharkboy, and so on, and so forth though what I am going to do at the end of the day to each and one of you. Well I am going to throw you out simple as that. Like I said the main event of Wrestlemania is my dream. I want to be able to say to everybody in this arena that I made it there, and I want to be able to say I have climbed all the way to the mountain top and become the UWF Champion. Now dosen’t that sound simply…

Fans in unison as Styles is about to say his trademark ending phrase

Phenomenal!!!

Fans cheer as AJ Styles puts the mic by his side, and he awaits for the next guy​

 

[Chris Dresdon]

Steve raises his microphone again, ready to address his opponents once more.

If the kitchen's too hot, don't jump into the fire. That's odd advice considering I've been in the kitchen the entire time while you're just now deciding to throw an apron on and get your hands dirty. Good for you, John, you've climbed out of your slump and you're ready to get back to work. With a tale like that, you should be in the Rags to Riches match as once again, the wrestling world watches as poor old John Cena gets knocked into the deepest trenches of doubt and despair only to one day gain the courage to put his Superman outfit back on and return justice to the company and the brand he left in distress. Well you're too little, too late on that one, John, you should've thrown in the jorts because while you say you're looking for a fight, I'm convinced that as soon as you get one, you're going to go right back to how you were behaving before when Randy shoved a pink slip in your face.

By the way, in case you haven't heard lately, I don't care what these fans are tired of, John. Puppets like AJ Styles who lives and dies by his ability to be the "Phenomenal One" and wind-up dolls like you care about what they think, but I don't, because I don't need a single one of them, I succeed in spite of them and their hatred of me. The only thing that made me look like a jackass, real intelligent, sophisticated insult by the way you pre-teen, was when I was dolling myself up like the lost member of the Insane Clown Posse and telling them it's showtime and the only thing that's for sure about Sting is nothing's for sure and that whole spiel. If you want to go back to being a cartoon character, then Daffy it up. If you want to whore yourself out so they'll buy cereal with your face on the box, then Flintstone it up. But leave me out of it, don't push your role model garbage on me like it's a lifestyle I need to pick back up.

When you live and breathe every waking second of your life for these fans, you only set yourself up for disappointment. I gave everything I had for these people, and they didn't care a single bit. I spoke up for them when they didn't have a voice, I fought for them when they had no leg to stand on, I bled and cried and sweated myself into dehydration for them and they didn't care a bit because they were more invested in other things and people. Oh, the Mexicools beat up Joseph Park again. Wait, guys, Zack Ryder's gonna say bro again. I got sick to death of working so hard for absolutely nothing, so I refocused my energy, and now I'm never disappointed because self-gratification is a fountain of milk and honey that never runs dry. But it wouldn't be John Cena returning to form without a gay joke, now would it? Here I thought the focus was on winning the Rumble and headlining Wrestlemania, but apparently the majority of your minds are fixated on your desire to see Matt and I as an item. Just when I didn't think there was any further cause to scoff at you than what I'm already scoffing over.

Steve shakes his head as he then turns his attention to the stage.

Since the wise "reverend" still hasn't found his way to the arena, there isn't much cause for wasting many words on him beyond the following. Devon, when you say you don't take me seriously, the feeling is mutual if you haven't come to understand that just yet. That's why you and all of the other people Matt and I come in contact with get called by their actual name at some point in the conversations we have with them, because we don't take any of you seriously. All of you that hide behind your foolish personas to make these people happy and refuse to take our hand of refuge and free yourself from the slavery are like the raging alcoholic that won't put the bottle down, knowing it's destroying their liver but not caring because of their enjoyment of the taste and the drunken euphoria. Christopher Daniels fits that example better than anyone since he's an alcoholic as well as a foolish puppet, but I digress.

Steve now turns his attention to the "American Dragon".

Point proven, as soon as Daniel was allowed to throw another tantrum he did. Are you angry because I told AJ he lives under a bridge and glossed over the fact that you do? I hope there aren't any fairy tale aficionados in the crowd or they're going to be up in arms about the fact that you're both a troll AND one of the Billy Goats Gruff.

A "never were". That's cute, Daniel, not only because it takes an extraordinary amount of guts for someone as low in significance as you to say something like that about someone like me as though you've actually accomplished something of merit in this industry, regardless of company affiliation or duration, but also because it's terribly, terribly cliche'. But I can't say I blame you, since you mince your words when you try to tell me something that you came up with. I mean, you boosted me from Smackdown? Did you strap a jetpack on my back and THAT'S how I ended up on NXT, because I don't remember that. Alzheimer's, am I right?

The sarcasm in Steve's voice is clear as it's obvious he rolled his eyes even though he's still wearing the sunglasses. He now looks angry.

You haven't accomplished anything on your own, Daniel, you came into this company the day you signed your talent contract with a silver spoon in your mouth and still walk around with it in there. Everything you've accomplished is because of the man you claim is the "only one" that supports you, Randy Orton. Randy Orton is afraid of what would become of his precious Raw if he didn't have his little Daniel to build it around, and you're afraid of what would happen to you if you left. I might not have enjoyed the success that you have or others have while I was on those other brands, but at least I went to them and tried my luck. But not Randy's little pride and joy, not his special needs superstar. Here's a tip, you aren't going to win many verbal battles with gibberish statements like, "Hurr durr". Someone get his helmet and crayons, he's going to have to start scribbling down the points he's trying to make.

Then again, maybe I need the helmet because ooh, you got me with so...many...zingers, Daniel. Bringing up my days in the red and black face paint on NXT? If you're going to borrow Christian's bullet points, at least wait until the man isn't standing across the ring from you.

Steve turns his attention to Damien Sandow, then turns it back to Daniel for a moment.

Oh, and I wouldn't be so sure that you don't carry around an idiot lackey.

Steve gestures to Daniel's engagement ring as he returns his focus to Sandow.

I don't admit when I've made a mistake often, but I made a mistake, Damien, the old memory banks have let me down. However, if you think that's going to affect my chances or deter my confidence, you would be wrong. It's going to take more than deflating a point of mine and proving me entirely incorrect to remove me from this, as embarassing as being shown up in such a manner may be. So fine, let's leave names out of it this time since bringing up Desmond Wolfe struck a chord. When you think back to your time on Smackdown, whoever it is that you would say was your boss during that time, the one that booked you, absolutely loved him some Y.E.S. and made sure that none of you ever looked weak, ever looked bad, or ever didn't succeed. That was my point. You and Daniel winning the tag titles? That was a result of that. Y.E.S. being the monthly recipients of the tag team of the century award? That was a result of that. You winning the World Heavyweight Championship? Also...a result...of that. If calling it how it is makes me an ignoramus, then so be it, I don't need to be viewed as intelligent in your eyes to win this match.

Steve turns his attention to Shark Boy.

Stinger or Steve or whatever my name is this week. Ha ha, how clever, another guy suggesting that my persona alters from show to show. While some talent meet to map out matches, I'm convinced most of you meet together and share bullet points, why else would I hear the same tired thing coming out of mouth after mouth after mouth every time a microphone gets picked up out here? The worst part is when you say it, you behave as though no one else thought of it. You just make it easier and easier to make fun of you every time you talk. I know you think you're going to win the Rumble, you're all riled up and hungry for a fight because you smell blood in the water, but victory is too far out of reach for you. I mean is you getting inebriated supposed to make you seem tougher? Are you going to bring your friends out here to vouch for you? It doesn't matter what you do, Shark Boy, because you can't get past me. I won't even break a sweat throwing you out of the ring, because for me, eliminating you from this match is, you might say, like shooting fish in a barrel.

The crowd boos as Steve turns his attention to AJ Styles.

Homeless people don't have to own a television to know that you won the Hardcore Championship and are still defending it, AJ, there's this thing called word of mouth. Maybe they heard someone passing their alley or leaving the restaurant they're sitting outside of talking about it. Regardless, even if you aren't THEIR hero, I know you made all of the bumpkins in Gainesville happy. Let me ask, do you honestly feel like you accomplished something? Because to me, beating Mr. Kennedy doesn't seem like it'd be all that hard. Beating Chris Masters, Carlito, and Sami Callihan doesn't seem like it'd be all that hard. Don't you feel like, after what you went through on Raw, you should've been allowed to go after one of the top belts instead of one of the throwaway ones? Management was content to let Mr. Kennedy hold the belt for the rest of his life because without a twenty-four seven rule, he could do so. Who was going to challenge him for it unless they were forced into it? Exactly.

That's the only thing I find phenomenal about you, is your phenomenal stupidity. You're proud to not only sell yourself out to this people every waking moment of your life but you're proud to carry around that piece of garbage and call it not only a title, but something you actually earned and had to work to get and work to defend. But none of this is getting under your skin, right? The "Phenomenal One" is unbreakable. That's fine by me, because you can ward off my words while the time for talking is in effect, but when that time is over and it's replaced by the time to put up or shut up, you won't be able to pretend losing this match to me doesn't bother you, none of you can. What's sweeter than headlining Wrestlemania? Making sure that you don't.​