The crowd are fairly quiet as the look forward to the new era of Tuesday Night Raw on the new network when suddenly the silence is broken by a phrase familiar to many...
WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE?
[video=youtube;DfTNAJbbpqg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfTNAJbbpqg[/video]
The theme from Magnum P.I plays loudly throughout the arena. The crowd instantly begin to boo as Joey Ryan emerges from behind the curtain with a smug look plastered all over his face. He has his shades on, his scarf, he doesn't know what season it is at all!. He struts down to the ring and up the ring steps, he wastes some time having words with the crowd before he walks along the ring apron and does his signature sleazy pose. Joey then enters the ring and immediately grabs a microphone from the ring announcer who is standing in the ring.
Joey Ryan: Oh man does it feel good to be back where I belong. Which, by the way is not this stinking town filled with it's stinking people, but rather the very best wrestling company in the world. Because that's really where I was born to be... this is my calling in life... this is where I can truly flaunt all that is me, my dashing good looks, my unrivalled charisma and my amazing in ring ability. To put it frankly, this is where I deserve to be. Because, y'see, since Unified Championship Wrestling closed it's doors a few months back I've had nothing to do that really made me excited... other than looking in the mirror... but in the context of professional wrestling, I had nothing to do other than twiddle my thumbs. I toured the indies, I worked overseas but it just wasn't enough... not enough people could see their hero.... not enough women could see what they most desired and the whole world couldn't marvel at the 'Sleaziest Man in Professional Wrestling'... 'Magnum' Joey Ryan.
The crowd boo heavily as Joey talks himself up.
So I find it fitting that UWF called me... I didn't call them, they called me and wanted to know if I would come in and join the new face of professional wrestling... the contract they offered?, was pitiful, that's why I bided my time until they practically begged me to come into this company and be it's guiding light, their protected... their moustached saviour... and finally, I stand before you, ready for my duty. Now, it's very clear to me, that the UWF board and the new General Manager, Theodore Long think highly of me, and rightly so, and as a result they have given me a Number One Contendership match with a chance to fight Dean Ambrose for the Hardcore Championship at Wrestlemania. It doesn't get much better than that for a debut. Which goes to show just how valued a commodity I am... and how good I am for buy rates because without me sleazin' up that Wrestlemania card... it won't do anything worth talking about with regards to buys. But with me on the poster... with my oiled chest, trimmed to perfection?... this gorgeous face, accompanied by the sexiest piece of facial hair in the business?... it's bound to attract people... and that's a fact.
The crowd begin to chant 'Shut The Fuck Up!'
No, no I will not, 'shut the f up'... because I'm not done talking, and if any of you had a morsel of intelligence between you, you'd realise that, becauses my lips... my beautiful lips?... they ain't done flappin', so shut it!. Now onto this match, I've got three opponents, Ultramantis Black, who I know well from my independant days... he ain't worth talking about at all, and he's so ugly he hides behind a mask, not Joey Ryan calibre at all. Then there's Scott Steiner, 'Big Poppa Pump'... let's face it dude, your career?, is over, it's done, and quite frankly all you're going to do in this match is stand in the way of the shining light that is Joey Ryan... as is R-Truth... Truth, you are a combination of both Steiner and Ultramantis... your crazy, like both of them, you're old like Steiner and you're talentless like Ultramantis... so all in all, I'd consider this Fatal Four Way to be a walk in the park for a great superstar such as myself... so I'd just start writing the match card up right now as Dean Ambrose defending... in vein, his Hardcore Championship against the fastest rising, most exciting and without a shadow of a doubt, the sleaziest, most hardcore individual to ever grace the squared circle... Joey Ryan.
WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE?
[video=youtube;DfTNAJbbpqg]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfTNAJbbpqg[/video]
The theme from Magnum P.I plays loudly throughout the arena. The crowd instantly begin to boo as Joey Ryan emerges from behind the curtain with a smug look plastered all over his face. He has his shades on, his scarf, he doesn't know what season it is at all!. He struts down to the ring and up the ring steps, he wastes some time having words with the crowd before he walks along the ring apron and does his signature sleazy pose. Joey then enters the ring and immediately grabs a microphone from the ring announcer who is standing in the ring.
Joey Ryan: Oh man does it feel good to be back where I belong. Which, by the way is not this stinking town filled with it's stinking people, but rather the very best wrestling company in the world. Because that's really where I was born to be... this is my calling in life... this is where I can truly flaunt all that is me, my dashing good looks, my unrivalled charisma and my amazing in ring ability. To put it frankly, this is where I deserve to be. Because, y'see, since Unified Championship Wrestling closed it's doors a few months back I've had nothing to do that really made me excited... other than looking in the mirror... but in the context of professional wrestling, I had nothing to do other than twiddle my thumbs. I toured the indies, I worked overseas but it just wasn't enough... not enough people could see their hero.... not enough women could see what they most desired and the whole world couldn't marvel at the 'Sleaziest Man in Professional Wrestling'... 'Magnum' Joey Ryan.
The crowd boo heavily as Joey talks himself up.
So I find it fitting that UWF called me... I didn't call them, they called me and wanted to know if I would come in and join the new face of professional wrestling... the contract they offered?, was pitiful, that's why I bided my time until they practically begged me to come into this company and be it's guiding light, their protected... their moustached saviour... and finally, I stand before you, ready for my duty. Now, it's very clear to me, that the UWF board and the new General Manager, Theodore Long think highly of me, and rightly so, and as a result they have given me a Number One Contendership match with a chance to fight Dean Ambrose for the Hardcore Championship at Wrestlemania. It doesn't get much better than that for a debut. Which goes to show just how valued a commodity I am... and how good I am for buy rates because without me sleazin' up that Wrestlemania card... it won't do anything worth talking about with regards to buys. But with me on the poster... with my oiled chest, trimmed to perfection?... this gorgeous face, accompanied by the sexiest piece of facial hair in the business?... it's bound to attract people... and that's a fact.
The crowd begin to chant 'Shut The Fuck Up!'
No, no I will not, 'shut the f up'... because I'm not done talking, and if any of you had a morsel of intelligence between you, you'd realise that, becauses my lips... my beautiful lips?... they ain't done flappin', so shut it!. Now onto this match, I've got three opponents, Ultramantis Black, who I know well from my independant days... he ain't worth talking about at all, and he's so ugly he hides behind a mask, not Joey Ryan calibre at all. Then there's Scott Steiner, 'Big Poppa Pump'... let's face it dude, your career?, is over, it's done, and quite frankly all you're going to do in this match is stand in the way of the shining light that is Joey Ryan... as is R-Truth... Truth, you are a combination of both Steiner and Ultramantis... your crazy, like both of them, you're old like Steiner and you're talentless like Ultramantis... so all in all, I'd consider this Fatal Four Way to be a walk in the park for a great superstar such as myself... so I'd just start writing the match card up right now as Dean Ambrose defending... in vein, his Hardcore Championship against the fastest rising, most exciting and without a shadow of a doubt, the sleaziest, most hardcore individual to ever grace the squared circle... Joey Ryan.
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