Tbh lately I’ve not felt great. Can’t ever really sleep unless I stay up so long that I just pass out from lack of sleep, and even then I get maybe 4 hours of sleep. I’ve tried different sleep aids before, but none of them really help. I got days where I don’t wanna be around anyone because I know I’m just in the type of mood where I would yell at them. So I just stay to myself and stay quiet because I don’t want to upset anyone (here or irl). Everything is just shitty.
Blaze, I'm a little high, it is my birthday, and I know the feeling and hope this small message may find you another friend who you believe can validate what you feel. The feeling where you can not interact with another member of your species is not un-narutal, nor should you view it as a negative quality or as a reflection of who you are as a person. You are mature enough to understand and recognize your feelings and how they effect those around you, and that is a very good thing. I was angry as a young child, as a teenager, and even as a now 22 year old man, I have my moments. But I began to not care, I understood I could only control myself and my enviroment, so why try to play God? Why do I want to play pattycake with no hands? It's not possible, no matter how much we wish it was. We are made of flesh and skin and that is all we were given, it has been up to us to paint on the canvas we call our souls. We have a beginning, we have an end, and the middle is whatever the fuck we we want it to be. Will and a lack of hesitation can make any change you want in your life possible with the right willpower and determination.
But moreso, wanting to be alone, is fine. Everyone does it, and it's something that's valuable. I'd go nuts if I didn't take my "self-meeting" before I go to work, where I stand on my porch for half an' hour just too breathe, smoke a cigarette, and prepare for the day. The world is big, it's scary, and it's noisy. You're fucking smart dude, I wish more people, myself included, knew when I wasn't in the right mindset before opening their mouth.
The struggle is real, it sucks, but man you've got a small match lit in a small room while the rest of us are bumping into each other in the dark. The struggle makes you appreciate the good though, it makes you humble and appreciative of the small things.
You'll see people say it, I dunno you too much, I'm still trying to get into the loop of being more of a regular here, but I invite you to message me if you ever want to talk, shoot the shit, but I'd like that someday whenever you get back on the social saddle.
Till then enjoy some hobbies and live a lil', remind yourself you're you and that you're fuckin' awesome!
