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I'm sorry that you're going through all this Blaine. I want you to be happy, like I want all of us to be happy. Don't let those fake friends get in your head, you're better than that.Every so often, my brain will go into a spiral of deep hatred and how everyone else is in some collective hivemind dedicated to just despising me and that everyone's faking caring about me.
It's these thoughts that make me feel inhuman at times, like I'm just a useless figure in the world. I feel even more so useless as I don't have any true people I'd call friends, and it just helps my brain further that idea.
I do hate thinking about it, but it will never leave my brain. I'm always in the constant feeling people are judging me, silently resenting me but being nice just to make me happy. It sometimes gets bad enough to where I wanna huddle into a corner and just sit there.
I've come across tiktoks of people who also suffer with Autism who share these same thoughts, and it's kind of triggered the thoughts in my mind. Does everyone hate me just for existing? Will people be happy if I were just to leave them alone, fading into the darkness?
I really want to subdue these thoughts, but they just persist over and over, and it's to the point where I want to just not talk to anyone anymore, to leave everyone alone because maybe they'll be happier without me. It's morbid and not happy, but it's my brain.
Your brother's a piece of shit and I'm happy as hell that you decide to kick your brother out of your house. You shouldn't deal with all of his bullshit, just because he explodes on everything, especially your family. You deserve to be happy without anyone negative like him in your and your families' lives.I've finally decided to man up and plan on kicking this cancerous tumor that is called my "brother" out of my house. This guy has been living in my house for almost two years now, and has constantly reminded me what kind of piece of shit he is. Some highlights of what I've had to deal with regarding him:
- Constantly shouts and yells, getting drunk and acting like a fool.
- Gets aggressively angry and violent when even the slightest thing goes wrong. Oh no, the remote isn't working atm? Instead of changing out the batteries, or moving stuff out of the front of the TV, he just blames technology and throws and breaks his remote. Same goes with his phone.
- Can't keep a job to save his life, always blames everyone else for when he gets in trouble at work and continually gets fired.
- Blasts Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, and Tim Pool on his TV all day, which is a pretty big red flag for some later stuff.
- Continually tries to get into confrontations with my other brother, even at holidays, to the point where we almost have to keep them away from one another. Has a lot to do with the fact all of us but him share completely different ideology.
- He's bought guns and brought them into my house, which I am very against, and even more so, I'm terrified at the very thought of him having guns in the first place because he's a violent idiot.
- Has threatened my mother time and time again, and even threatened to shoot her a time or two just because stuff wasn't working at my house and she's technically the landowner of it. When he was told to move out a while back, he threatened to hole up in the basement and get into a shoot out with the cops.
- He's racist, xenophobic, and a far-right Republican goon who just spouts misinformation and talking points that have been proven to be lies.
- He's also anti-LGBTQ+, called it "genital mutilation" among other unpleasantries. That was the tipping point today at least.
So yeah. I've been dealing with a lunatic and can't anymore