Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Skyefire]

I know why they do it, but I'm so sick of the "your city sucks and so does the local sports team" promo. So overdone.

Yeah, but Miz is a Cleveland native and very well may have been upset at Lebron leaving Cleveland.

 

[Jarf]

Hell in a Cell 2013

I’ve now watched 5 shows from 2013 and aside from WrestleMania 29, it’s all been from this 3 month period… And I can safely say, this was one of the lamest shows I’ve watched so far. Not even horrendously bad, but really lame.

Match 1: WWE Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match - Cody Rhodes & Goldust (c) def. The Shield & The Usos (14:38)

The opener was the best match of the evening. What a way to start off. Of course, we have normal tag rules and The Shield isolate Goldust from not just Cody, but The Usos as well. You can really see Roman starting to get more confident in the ring, with his trash talk to Goldie. Goldust eventually tags in Cody, and Cody brings the fight to Rollins, leaping into the ring with a springboard dropkick. One of the Usos tags himself in. One of them dives onto Roman on the outside, and comes back in and pop up samoan drops Seth where Seth gets some MAD air. Cody tags himself back in and the big spot of the match, Cody superplexes Seth off the top rope onto the crowd of men on the outside. Cody tosses Seth back into the ring and covers Seth, but the pin is broken by an Uso hitting a splash on both men. The Uso tries to drag Seth over to his corner so he can tag himself in, but Roman spears him into the 3rd row! The other Uso comes in and hits a kick to Roman’s face. Goldust removes that Uso. Seth is left alone with the Rhodes brothers. Seth is hit with a Disaster Kick, Goldust hits Seth in the face. Seth stumbles back into a Cross Rhodes from Cody. 1, 2, 3. Great opening match.

My Rating: ****

Match 2: Fandango & Summer Rae def. The Great Khali & Natalya (4:48)

And how quickly this show falls off a cliff. This… oof this was bad. Fandango had to work with Khali and Nattie had to work with Summer. This was Summer Rae’s first match (at least on the main roster). Yeah uh… this was terrible. It’s a Khali match and Summer Rae is inexperienced. Thankfully its short. Summer throws Nattie into the ropes before rolling her up from behind to score the win.

My Rating: DUD

Match 3: United States Championship Match - Big E. Langston def. Dean Ambrose (c) via countout (8:43)

This match wasn’t announced in advance, it was announced on the kickoff. Now Ambrose being there is one thing cause Roman and Seth had a match… but why would Big E. show up if he’s not booked? Shaking my head. This match was alright, I liked how aggressive both men were. Ambrose tries to intimidate Big E, but Big E. powers around Dean. Big E. gets a nasty gash under his eye when him and Dean crack heads. Big E. hits a spear to the outside from the apron, which might have been one of the first times he did this. Ambrose decides he doesn’t wanna fight anymore. He grabs his championship, and takes the countout. Big E. goes out and grabs Dean, tossing him back inside and hits a Big Ending.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: 2-on-1 Handicap Hell in a Cell Match - CM Punk def. Ryback & Paul Heyman (13:50)

Goddamn, this sucked. This was horrible. This feud had been going on for way too long and this was a fitting end to such a crap storyline. It was good in the beginning, but after Ryback got involved, it felt like they were just trying to just prolong this. So Ryback comes out before Heyman. Heyman is lifted up onto the roof by a scissor lift and he remains there for the whole match. So it’s pretty much just Punk vs Ryback. It goes as one would expect it to. Ryback tosses Punk around the ring and into the cell. Punk can’t carry Ryback to a good match. The cell isn’t utilized very well in this match, it really could’ve just been a normal No DQ Match, which I have a feeling I’m gonna be saying a lot during these Hell in a Cell PPV reviews. Punk begins making the comeback. He eventually brings a table into the ring and Ryback crotches him on the side of it, then hits a Meathook Clothesline for a 2. After the kickout, Ryback sets up the table, but Punk low blows him and pushes him onto the table. Punk hits an elbow drop through the table and then a GTS to finish the match. Thank god. So next, Punk grabs a kendo stick, climbs to the top of the Cell where Heyman is and beats him repeatedly with it. Before he hits a GTS to Heyman on top. And like… that’s Punk’s retribution. They made us sit 4 months through this storyline for that… I don’t think it was worth it, not gonna lie.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Los Matadores def. The Real Americans (5:30)

So, Los Matadores are pretty much dead on arrival here. Generally, when you’re debuting a tag team, you don’t exactly want the crowd cheering for the other team in the match. Not only that, but The Real Americans (Cesaro in particular) come out of this match looking way better… at least they did until after the match. It all starts when Swagger chop blocks… Diego? Yeah Diego outside the ring and the Real Americans beat on these guys for practically the whole match. Halfway through the match, Cesaro swings one of the Matadors and the crowd is on their side the rest of the match. Then later in the match, Swagger has one in the ankle lock, and the Matador rolls through, knocking Swagger into Cesaro on the apron. Then they hit some sort of lame finish on Swagger to win their match. No wonder they never got over holy shit. Cesaro by himself made them look worse by comparison.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 6: World Heavyweight Championship Match - John Cena def. Alberto Del Rio (c) (15:05)

What emotional comeback story is this for Cena? Number 7? Number 8? This match is actually good, it’s just that much like Cena’s match with Jericho at Survivor Series ‘08, it’s awfully predictable. Although I will say, Cena having an injured elbow against a guy with an arm submission adds an interesting dynamic. One thing they kept doing that pissed me off was they kept showing Sandow, who was still the MITB briefcase holder, backstage watching the match. Why do this if you had no intention of having him cash in tonight? The first half of the match is boring, Del Rio wears Cena down. After Del Rio misses a dropkick to the outside and crashes, the tide turns and Cena makes a comeback. It’s pretty back and forth for the rest of the match. I remember a spot in the match being when Cena is on the top rope, Del Rio leaps and hits an enziguri. Cena lands on his bad arm as he crashes on to the mat. The first time Del Rio tries for the Armbreaker, Cena reverses it into an STF, but Del Rio reaches the ropes and grabs it by 2 fingers. Del Rio later hits a superkick and then applies the armbreaker, but Cena powers Del Rio up and hits a powerbomb. Cena goes for an AA, Del Rio escapes the first time, but Cena hits it a moment later to win the match. How shocking. Good match though, so I can’t complain a whole lot.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 7: Divas Championship Match - AJ Lee (c) def. Brie Bella (5:35)

Yeah, not a lot to talk about here other than the fact that AJ was SEXY AS HELL at this time. Like holy hell. AJ wears down Brie for a short time before Brie gets her comeback in. Brie manages to pull a pretty good transition into a single leg crab. AJ reaches for the ropes where Tamina is. But Nikki runs over and tackles Tamina to the floor. AJ reaches the ropes and forces the break. Brie shrieks before she runs with an attempted knee to AJ, but AJ moves and Brie hits Nikki instead. Which, what the hell was Nikki gonna do? Then AJ gets Brie in the… I legit forget what the name is. It’s Widow’s something, help me out guys. Brie taps, AJ wins. Let’s move on.

My Rating: **1/4

Main Event: Hell in a Cell Match for the vacant WWE Championship with Shawn Michaels as Special Referee - Randy Orton def. Daniel Bryan (22:17)

This was well on its way to getting a higher rating if it wasn’t for the overbooked ending. It’s funny how all of Bryan and Orton’s best matches together were on Raw instead of on PPV. The chemistry these two had can’t be denied as they had another very good match here. Orton uses the cell and various weapons to punish Bryan. But of course, Bryan is no pushover and fights back using the same weapons. A spot I remember is when Bryan is suicide diving Orton repeatedly and the last one costs Bryan is he smacks head first into the cell wall. Bryan starts beating the shit out of Orton later with a chair, and tosses a bunch in the ring. Orton eyepokes Bryan who drops the chair he’s holding. Orton then beats Bryan with it before he picks Bryan up on the top rope and drops onto at least one of the chairs that Bryan spent all that time tossing in the ring. After a 2 count, Orton starts getting pissed and Triple H comes down, and telling Shawn to do his job, and Shawn says I am. Bryan gets Orton down in a Yes Lock, but Orton manages to escape. He hits a draping DDT before attempting an RKO, but Bryan shoves Orton off himself and into Shawn. Triple H decides that he needs to get in there to check on him. Bryan hits a Running Knee to Orton and has the match won, but Shawn is down. Bryan tries to get Shawn up, but Triple H shoves Bryan off. So Bryan hits HHH with a knee too. So Shawn… superkicks Bryan and allows Orton to make the cover and become the new WWE Champion, sending millions of Bryan’s fans into a fit of rage.

My Rating: ***3/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.66

My Rating: 4.5/10

This match had some good matches on it, but for the most part, I thought this show was hot garbage. It is better with hindsight considering that we now know that Bryan goes on to win the championship at WrestleMania… But WWE didn’t have plans to do that and if they try to say otherwise, they’re fucking lying. It’s not just the booking that’s bad, but most of this card stunk. I’m sure everybody was looking forward to Fandango and Summer Rae against Khali and Natalya. Really tempting people to buy those tickets. Opening tag match is good and the 2 World Title matches are good. Fuck the rest of this show.

Time for another pandemic era show… Yippie. This time it’ll be Fastlane 2021.

 

[Chris]

You're very much getting into the shows that I have no desire to rewatch bc they're not funny bad, just boring as shit for the most part lol

 

[Skyefire]

Imagine of Bitch Lesnar had bothered to get off his lazy ass and faced Punk one-on-one in a Hell in a Cell Match.

 

[Jarf]

Imagine of Bitch Lesnar had bothered to get off his lazy ass and faced Punk one-on-one in a Hell in a Cell Match.

My god that match would've been a killer

 

[Jarf]

Fastlane 2021

Match 1: Women’s Tag Team Championship Match - Nia Jax & Shayna Baszler (c) def. Sasha Banks & Bianca Belair (9:41)

For my money, Sasha Banks & Bianca Belair received one of the worst buildups to a WrestleMania Main Event ever. The entire buildup to this point had been “BuT cAn ThEy Co-ExIsT???” Why should they?! Nia and Shayna also had problems going into this, so they’re not getting along either. This match wasn’t very good. Sasha and Bianca had a great match at Mania, but as a tag team, they were not good. Not that they were supposed to be, cause this in the buildup to their… ya know… WrestleMania Title Match! Bianca gets worn down, until she gets the tag to Sasha. Things fall apart for the challengers at the end. Because Sasha gets Shayna in the Bank Statement. Bianca tries to stop Nia from breaking it up, but Nia just shoves Bianca into Sasha. Instead of being mad at Nia, Sasha gets mad at Bianca instead for some fucking reason. What goes into these writer’s heads when they write this shit? Shayna rolls Sasha up from behind and they retain. Then Sasha argues with Bianca after the match and slaps her in the face calling her a rookie. What such great buildup this was.

My Rating: **

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Big E. (c) def. Apollo Crews (5:42)

What the hell is up with this match’s Cagematch rating? Understandably, 5 minutes isn’t enough to display their talents but for being close to 6 minutes, this was great! I miss Big E. so much. He was main event ready right here. The Big E. from this show and the Big E. from the last show I watched feels like 2 totally different people. Right away, like 20 seconds into the match, Big E. hits the spear to the outside! He then proceeds to whoop Apollo’s ass for another 2 minutes and talk shit to him. “You asked for this! You ain’t ready for this. You think you were ready for this.” God, Big E. was so fucking cool at this point. A goofball and a bad dude at the same time. It’s not a squash though, Apollo gets his shots on Big E. and when Apollo goes for his finish, Big E. escapes and tries for the Big Ending, Apollo escapes and gets Big E. in a small package, but Big E. reverses it into his own to retain. Although commentary couldn’t tell at first. Then Apollo beats up Big E. after the match, which means the feud is gonna continue. That’s my one complaint with this match. This was the 3rd time Big E. had beaten Apollo clean. There is no fathomable reason that Apollo deserved another match.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Braun Strowman def. Elias (3:50)

Was supposed to be Braun vs Shane McMahon. But Shane hurts his knee training, so he gets Elias to take his place, and doesn’t tell him until they’re out there. This match is just a massacre. Elias gets a chop block and an elbow drop in, but other than that, Braun bulldozes Elias, finishing him with a running powerslam.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 4: Seth Rollins def. Shinsuke Nakamura (12:54)

It looked like Nakamura was going to get another main event push back in January of this year, and then they kinda forgot about it. Sure, he’s wrestling Seth Rollins here, but they’re not feuding. Seth is feuding with Cesaro and Shinsuke is here cause he’s Cesaro’s friend. This match was good actually, it was just kinda slow paced. The match begins to pick up after Seth tries to use Cesaro’s swing on Nakamura, and Shinsuke turns it into a triangle choke. Seth shoves Shinsuke to the outside from the top rope and then hits a sick suicide dive. Seth tries to throw hands with Shinsuke and then doesn’t work out too well for him. A pretty nice counter from a Kinshasa into a powerbomb position, which allows Seth to hit the buckle bomb, followed by a Falcon Arrow. Nakamura hits an overhead suplex and goes for the Kinshasa, but Seth dodges and rolls Nakamura from behind and follows through with a kick to the face. Seth finishes this match with a Curb Stomp to win the match.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 5: No Holds Barred Match - Drew McIntyre def. Sheamus (19:41)

This is the match I was looking forward to when I started this show. I knew these 2 beat the shit out of each other in this match. To the point where I’m sure both of them were legit hurting all over after it was over. The beginning isn’t much to write home about, other them welting each other with kendo sticks. But when they head out into the “audience,” it really picks up. They bounce each other off the screens and one cool thing this era provided us is that it allowed for spots you wouldn’t be able to do with a crowd. Drew throws Sheamus off a row into the screens of them and crashes onto the next one. They make their way back towards the ring. Near the announce table, Sheamus Brogue Kicks Drew over the barricade, then drags him up on top of a conveniently placed road case and hits White Noise through the table. Sheamus brings a broken off piece of the table in the ring, but it gets used against him, as Drew hits a Future Shock on the table piece, then a Claymore to win the match. What a battle! This was such a great match!

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 6: Alexa Bliss def. Randy Orton (4:38)

Here it is… The feud that effectively killed The Fiend. The Fiend had taken some hard hits at this point… Like some HARD hits, but this damn feud with Randy Orton put the final nail in its coffin. I have to say though, they did a great job of making Alexa look as creepy as possible. She looks like something from the uncanny valley. Randy tries to step to Alexa immediately, but some poorly edited fire shoots up in front of him! Randy then plays cat and mouse with Alexa and follows her around the ring. Some light fixtures drop in front of Randy. They get back in the ring and Alexa shoots a fireball at Randy’s face, but misses. Then just as Randy is looking done with this shit, crispy Fiend comes out from under the ring and grabs Randy by the ankle. He comes out from the ring and hits Sister Abigail on Orton. And then Alexa pisses off Randy’s wife by sitting right on his dick! She fucking straddles Randy here while the referee counts the pin… So Alexa wins, and The Fiend is back… so he can lose at Mania.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: Universal Championship Match with Edge as Special Enforcer - Roman Reigns (c) def. Daniel Bryan (30:00)

This is the second show in a row I’ve watched where Bryan gets screwed out of the world title by a special referee or enforcer. But anyway, this was such a great match. Great main event! I know everyone (myself included) is fed up with Roman being champ at this point, but when he was early into this run, he looked like a bad motherfucker. He whooped Bryan’s ass in this match. And that’s the best kind of match for Bryan, where he gets the shit beat out of him so he can make a big comeback. Bryan started the match trying to wrestle Roman to the mat and trying to get on his nerves, but Roman surprisingly keeps a calm and steady head all the way up until we’re getting down to the wire. They even botch a spot during this match and it still manages to look good. Bryan leaps on Roman over the ropes and Roman barely catches Bryan and just about dropping him on the floor. Commentary could’ve played off the botch by saying he caught Bryan in a powerslam but instead they say “almost like a powerslam”... You guys were so close. Roman picks Bryan up from that position and picks him up on his shoulder. But Bryan slides off the back and throws Roman into the post. And so the comeback begins. Bryan works on Roman’s shoulder and kicks the dogshit out of him. Bryan gets Roman down in the Lebell Lock 3 different times. The first one, Roman is in the hold for a long time. Refusing to tap out. Roman escapes by breaking Bryan’s hands up and pounding away at him before picking him up and hitting a powerbomb. Roman tries for a Spear, but gets kicked in the face. Bryan tries for a running knee, but Roman dodges and Bryan hits the referee instead. Now Roman hits the Spear and covers Daniel. Edge gets in and counts the pin, but Bryan kicks out. Roman spends too much time talking shit to both Edge and Bryan, allowing Bryan to recover and drag Roman back into a Lebell Lock. But then… not yet Main Event Jey Uso comes down and superkicks Edge and Bryan before bringing a chair inside. But he eats a knee from Bryan. Bryan picks up the chair and wails Jey with it. Then accidentally hits Edge after Roman dodges the swing. Roman hits a superman punch, then attempts another Spear. But Bryan reverses it into the Lebell Lock! Roman is in this hold for again, a long amount of time, and I know that may sound boring, but I was into this! The fact Roman lasted so long in this hold before tapping made him look great! But then, Edge hits Bryan in the back with the chair. He hits Roman as well and then hits Bryan again and then storms off. Another referee runs down just as Roman covers Bryan and wins the match. The finish is the only bad thing about this match, cause Roman takes forever to pin Bryan. But the rest of this match, fucking great! Hell of a main event! Also, the fact it lasted exactly 30 minutes is aesthetically pleasing to me.

My Rating: ****1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.67

My Rating: 8.5/10

This show is far from being perfect. It has its share of crap… but why is the rating this low? There was way more good stuff on this show than there was bad. Out of 7 matches, only 3 of them were bad. And I consider that a win especially for WWE’s track record. Admittedly though, one of those matches were a lot worse than the other 2… But hell, this show deserves better.

Next time… It’s time. It’s time! What time is it? It’s not Vader Time, I can tell you that. It’s SummerSlam 1996.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 1996

Can you believe that Stone Cold was left on the pre-show for this show?

Match 1: Owen Hart def. Savio Vega (13:23)

This should’ve been a pretty solid match between these two, but it was just… meh. Nothing special. Owen has a cast on his left arm and that’s pretty much the entire focus of this match is that cast. Owen wears Savio down for a lot of this match. Clarence Mason comes down to just cheer Owen, and not do a damn thing. I wouldn’t bring that up if it didn’t come into play during a different match later. Savio begins making a comeback after a crossbody. When we’re getting close to the end, Savio back drops Owen off the top rope and they make not that the back of his head landed on Owen’s cast. Owen takes his cast off behind both Savio and the ref’s backs and then right in front of the ref, he hits Savio with the cast, knocking him out. Then Owen applies the Sharpshooter on an unconscious Savio to win the match. Okay match, could’ve been better though.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match - The Smoking Gunns (c) def. The Godwinns, The Bodydonnas & The New Rockers (12:18)

Really showcasing the top tag teams here ladies and gentlemen. Wow, this sucked. And it’s Elimination Rules cause they gotta drag this out. Early on, Phineas and Zip tag in both the Gunns, in hopes of making them fight each other. Why would they do that when they can simply tag out. Bart tags Zip back in. And the Bodydonnas are eliminated after Marty Jannetty trips him from the outside and Billy pins him. The New Rockers and The Gunns work together against the Godwinns for a little bit, but that falls apart and then The Godwinns eliminate The Rockers after Henry pins Leif Cassidy (aka Al Snow). And then because I must suffer, The Gunns isolate Henry from his partner for what feels like forever. Henry eventually tags in Phineas. Phineas pins Billy, but the referee is more concerned with whatever the fuck Hillbilly Jim and Sunny are doing on the outside to pay attention to Bart coming off the top rope to hit Phineas with an elbow. The referee turns around to see Billy pinning Phineas. I thought this match would never fucking end.

My Rating: *

Match 3: Sycho Sid def. British Bulldog (6:24)

Boring match, but at least it’s shorter than the last one. Bulldog picks Sid up with ease here. He was so fucking strong. Sid’s moveset consists of punches and kicks and that’s it. This match is nothing special. Bulldog actually hits the Running Powerslam. But once again, Clarence Mason is back out here and Jim Cornette doesn’t like that for some reason, so he yells at Clarence, and poor Bulldog being easily distracted goes over to see them instead of pinning Sid. Bulldog turns around and picks Sid back up for another powerslam, but Sid slides off and hits a Powerbomb instead to get the win. Poor Bulldog. If only he wasn’t… an idiot, he would’ve won.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 4: Goldust def. Marc Mero (11:01)

Like the opener, just an okay match. It never gets that second gear going. Marc Mero looked sooo much better than Goldust did in this match. Mero flew around the ring and sold pretty well while Goldust… just wore him down. Oh yeah, Mankind comes down to call Sable mommy at some point. Now did he mean mommy or did he mean MOMMY? Some referees make him leave. So that was a thing. Ya gotta feel for Marc Mero here though. He debuted a new finisher in this match. He just called it the Wild Thing but it’s a Shooting Star Press, and he doesn’t even get to win with it! Marlena gets on the ropes as Mero is pinning Goldust. And Goldust kicks out! Mero’s new finisher doesn’t end the match. You might as well have kicked him in the balls and make him thank you for it! Goldust ends the match with his much lamer Curtain Call finish. Then he tries to molest Sable after the match, but Mero thankfully gets up to stop that shit.

My Rating: **1/2

Okay, I don’t normally share shots from the show I’m watching. But Faarooq’s getup here made me laugh so fucking hard, that I rewound this part so many times just to laugh at him.

Look at this man… Look at him. He’s got a freaking watermelon on his head. He looks like he’d be a minion for Skeletor. Anyway, that was all I wanted to share. Moving on.

Match 5: Jerry Lawler def. Jake Roberts (4:07)

I bet this match made Vince laugh huh… like the piece of trash that he is. Very tasteful to do an angle around someone’s real addiction. Lawler comes out and makes a bunch of unfunny jokes revolving alcohol and Jake Roberts… yeah, very uncool. This might be the first match that I’ve decided the rating before the match actually started. Roberts whooped Lawler’s ass for a few minutes. But Lawler hits Robert in the throat with a bottle of something to win the match. And because we haven’t had enough laughs I suppose. Lawler pours some alcohol on Jake’s face and down his mouth… Now I know that this wasn’t actually done to make us laugh, because Lawler is the heel, and this was to get heat on him or whatever. It’s Jerry Lawler. He could fucking breathe and he’d have gotten heat at this point. And no matter what, you don’t use someone’s real life problems in a story. That’s shitty as fuck.

My Rating: Absolute fucking DUD

Match 6: Boiler Room Brawl - Mankind def. The Undertaker (26:40)

I don’t know how most people feel about this match. It is a little slow and I don’t think it needed to go as long as it did. But I thought this match was great. As you can expect, they start off in the boiler room and fight in there for most of the match. They beat the piss out of each other, Mankind puts Undertaker through the ringer. I did like how it started. Undertaker actually looked hesitant to even get in the boiler room. Mankind beats Undertaker with everything he can find in there. At some point, Mankind gets the bright idea to lean a ladder against the wall, but Undertaker tips it over and Mankind crashes onto a cardboard box which I can’t imagine cushioned his blow very well. The way they win this match is by making it to the ring and taking the urn from Paul Bearer. Mankind is the first to escape the boiler room. He barricades the door with whatever he can find, but Undertaker barges through then these 2 continue brawling through the hallway as other wrestlers come out to watch. They both eventually make it out towards the ring and Mankind takes the protective padding off the floor and piledrives Taker onto the concrete. Mankind gets on the apron, but Taker stops him and gets on the apron with him. He pulls back on the top rope and Mankind hits the concrete floor. Undertaker stumbles in the ring and gets on one knee before Paul Bearer and holds his hand out, expecting the urn. But Bearer turns around to the shock of Taker and the commentary team…. This ending is just pure perfection. Stuff like this is wrestling to me. Mankind gets in and puts the Mandible Claw on Undertaker and Paul smiles and laughs. And this was the first time Paul Bearer betrayed anyone, so it was actually a surprise. After Mankind basically choked Undertaker out with the Mandible Claw for 2 minutes. Undertaker crawls towards Paul, sits up on his knees. He looks right up at Paul… And Paul slams the urn down into Taker’s head! Then Paul hands the urn to Mankind and the Boiler Room Brawl is over. I get that this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I loved this. Finally, something good from this show.

My Rating: ****

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Shawn Michaels (c) def. Vader (18:59)

Now, I don’t hate this as much as most people. I think what makes this match worse is the hindsight, knowing how Vader went on to do fucking nothing after this match… And what happens midway with Shawn being a diva. But other than that, this was an excellent way to close the show. This was a great main event match. Shawn starts off flying using his athletic ability to outmaneuver Vader. He makes a mistake by leaping over the rope, and Vader catches him in a powerbomb position from the outside. Vader drops Shawn on his back on the outside! Vader then picks Shawn back up on his shoulder, walks up the steps with him and drops him in the ring. Vader then proceeds to beat the dogshit out of Shawn for the next several minutes. Shawn tries to skin the cat, and Vader picks him up in a tombstone position before lifting up Shawn’s upper body and tossing him aside. Eventually Shawn makes a comeback, comes off the top rope and stomps on Vader’s face, telling him to “move idiot.” Yep, total diva. The overbooking here at the end brings the match down. Vader drops Shawn on the steel guardrail outside. Vader gets back in but Shawn gets counted out. But Jim Cornette grabs a mic and pretty demands the match restart. They agree and Vader brings Shawn back to the ring. But Shawn hits his spots, a flying forearm, an elbow drop and sets up for Sweet Chin Music. Cornette gets on the apron and tosses his tennis racket in the ring. Vader goes to pick it up, but Shawn kicks him, picks it up himself and wails Vader with it and gets disqualified. Then Cornette grabs the mic again and triple dog dares Shawn to restart the match. Before Finkel can announce the match will continue, Shawn gets the drop on Vader, immediately attacking him. In the ensuing chaos, Shawn hits a Superkick on Vader and covers him. But Vader kicks out! Which was huge because back in these days, a finisher actually meant the end of the match more times than not. Vader hits a powerbomb on Shawn, but Shawn kicks out. Vader then goes to finish Shawn. He drags him to the corner and is going to drop on him from the second rope, but Cornette tells Vader to go to the top and hit the moonsault, which would prove to be Vader’s downfall. Vader moonsaults and Shawn moves. Shawn goes back to the top rope and hits a moonsault to a standing Vader and Shawn covers Vader to retain. A lot of people look back on this moment as the downfall of Vader in the WWF… and they would be right. He would still be in the main event picture, but he was never again as dominant as he looked here in WWF. But still a great match.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 5.67

My Rating: 4/10

The last 2 matches on this show, saves the show from getting a 3… And some extra points for Faarooq’s outfit making me laugh. This show was such hot garbage. I could not believe they were shilling out this trash and expecting people to think it was cool. And that damn Lawler/Roberts angle was just tasteless. But what else can you expect from Vince McMahon? Is it the worst SummerSlam? I don’t think so. After all, I didn’t have to watch 70 fucking backstage interviews like I did for SummerSlam 1990. But for now, it’s bottom 3 for me.

But next time, we’re going to get our first show from 1994 as Survivor Series increases its lead on most Big 4 shows towards the bottom of the cagematch rankings.

 

[Fuji Vice]

Boiler Room Brawl actually holds up really well considering it’s a total debacle of “oops, we kinda sorta almost figured out how light and shadow works” and acts as a precursor to better stuff down the road.

I liked the read, and agreed with most of your thoughts. I’d suggest dropping the “Vince bad” rhetoric here, though. He succeeded in getting these guys more heat through unconventional means and both benefited in the short and long term.


“It’s all in the reflexes”

 

[Jarf]

Boiler Room Brawl actually holds up really well considering it’s a total debacle of “oops, we kinda sorta almost figured out how light and shadow works” and acts as a precursor to better stuff down the road.

I liked the read, and agreed with most of your thoughts. I’d suggest dropping the “Vince bad” rhetoric here, though. He succeeded in getting these guys more heat through unconventional means and both benefited in the short and long term.


“It’s all in the reflexes”

I appreciate the feedback, but I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one. Vince is a POS. Besides what did that angle accomplish at all?

 

[Fuji Vice]

I appreciate the feedback, but I'm gonna stick to my guns on this one. Vince is a POS. Besides what did that angle accomplish at all?

Bearer’s heel turn for one. The post-match changes everything for pretty much everyone involved. Aside from that, it’s a definite precursor to much later pre-taped/live matches and it proved that format had legs.

Vince can be a POS and still be a good booker. Failing as a human doesn’t necessarily mean you fail as what you’re more focused on.

It would be lovely if wrestling was the only example of this.


“It’s all in the reflexes”

 

[Jarf]

Bearer’s heel turn for one. The post-match changes everything for pretty much everyone involved. Aside from that, it’s a definite precursor to much later pre-taped/live matches and it proved that format had legs.

Vince can be a POS and still be a good booker. Failing as a human doesn’t necessarily mean you fail as what you’re more focused on.

It would be lovely if wrestling was the only example of this.


“It’s all in the reflexes”

Oh I wasn't even talking about the Boiler Room Brawl, I meant the alcoholism angle. I have no problem at all with the Boiler Room Brawl, I thought it was great.

 

[Fuji Vice]

Oh I wasn't even talking about the Boiler Room Brawl, I meant the alcoholism angle. I have no problem at all with the Boiler Room Brawl, I thought it was great.

Oh, haha, well then yes, I can agree that it accomplished nothing. The WCW version of it with Scott Hall was equally as bad. There’s really no use for alcoholism angles in wrestling at all.


“It’s all in the reflexes”

 

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 1994

Match 1: Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match - The Bad Guys (Razor Ramon, British Bulldog, 1-2-3 Kid & The Headshrinkers) def. The Teamsters (Shawn Michaels, Diesel, Owen Hart, Jim Neidhart & Jeff Jarrett) (21:45)

Starting the show off hot with a very good opener. Only problem is it has really goofy finish, and not goofy in a good way. But this match goes over 20 minutes and the time passed by pretty quickly. Shawn Michaels stays on the apron for almost the entire match. Right away, they start teasing the fallout between Shawn and Nash. But it’s mostly Neidhart, Owen and Jarrett fighting for their team while everyone on the Bad Guys team got a chance to kick ass. Nash doesn’t get tagged in until halfway through the match and he gets the first, second and third elimination of the match. He eliminates Fatu after a Jackknife. Then the Kid. and then Sione (aka the Barbarian). Bulldog tries to make a difference but he gets tossed out of the ring by Diesel, and gets attacked by Owen and Jarrett. Bulldog gets counted out. So now it’s just Razor against the entire team of the Teamsters. The Teamsters should easily have this in hand. Diesel does the dirty work. He hits a Jackknife on Razor. But Shawn wants the tag. So he gets the tag. But makes Diesel stay in the ring, and hold up Razor. Razor dodges though and Shawn kicks Diesel instead. But Diesel is totally fine and backs Shawn up, and their teammates try to get between them. Diesel chases Shawn to the back and all their teammates follow them. I really don’t think they all needed to leave. But yeah, that’s your finish. The referee counts out the entire team and Razor wins by sheer dumb luck.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match - The Royal Family (Jerry Lawler, Cheesy, Sleazy & Queasy) def. Clowns ‘R Us (Doink, Dink, Pink & Wink) (16:05)

Now I know what you’re thinking… And what you’re thinking is “what the fuck.” It’s Lawler and his best midgets vs Doink and his best midgets. They’re all dressed like the captains of the team. Immediately I am confused by the rules here. It’s mixed tag rules where only Lawler and Doink can fight each other and only the midgets can fight each other. Here’s the problem with that however… IT’S ELIMINATION RULES!!! What happens if the captain gets eliminated first? Does the match end. The answer is no. No it fucking doesn’t because it actually fucking happens. This is nothing but a comedy match. I’m a little ashamed to admit, but there was actually a couple spots that made me laugh, but mostly, this match was just terrible. Lawler eliminates Doink first. And since the rest Doink’s team can’t fight Lawler, you’d think that would end the match… nah son. Nah it’s not over. I will say though, Dink is actually a good wrestler. He was the best part of this whole match if I’m being honest. But they’re eliminated one by one. All the midgets gang up on Lawler after the match, even his own teammates cause he basically bullied them during and after the match. Doink runs back out to throw a pie in Lawler’s face… Cool. Let’s move on please.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 3: WWF Championship Submission Match - Bob Backlund def. Bret Hart (c) (35:11)

Should’ve been the main event. Would’ve ended the show better. I wasn’t sure what to expect going into this match as I’ve heard it was very slow paced. But in a weird sort of way, the slow pace works for it. Unlike most submission matches, this one can only end when the man in someone’s corner throws the towel in. Backlund has Owen Hart in his corner and Bret has Davey Boy. Most of the match is limb work but they manage to make it feel compelling. The matwork feels realistic I guess I should say. This match proves just how good Bret was, because there’s no way a match like this should work, especially for how long it went. Bret worked over Bob’s legs and Bob worked over Bret’s shoulder. And they avoid each other’s submissions like the plague during this match. Eventually, Bret gets the Sharpshooter on Bob. But Owen gets in the ring and tries to jump Bret, but Bulldog chases him around the ring. Owen slides back in while the ref is dealing with Davey Boy and hits a bulldog on Bret. Bulldog runs over to attack Owen, but Owen drop toe holds Davey into the steel steps, which knocks him out the rest of the match. And while Bret is yelling at Owen on the outside, Bob comes up and puts Bret in the Crossface Chickenwing, and he has that sucker in…. Forever! And I mean forever! I’m sure I could’ve watched Avengers Endgame twice and come back and Bret still would’ve been in that submission hold. But even though, they definitely dragged this ending out for too long, this ending was sooooooo fucking good! As Bob gets Bret in the hold, Owen realizes that there’s nobody to throw in the towel for Bret because Davey Boy is out cold. And Owen… starts crying. He starts crying because Bob has this hold sinched in and Bret can’t escape it. He yells to Bret that he’s sorry. He goes over to Helen and Stu in the crowd and tells them that he didn’t want it to go down like this. And listen… no disrespect to Bret or Backlund, but Owen makes this fucking match. He pleads with Helen and Stu to throw in the towel. They eventually get up after Bret has been in the hold for the halfway point of Avengers Endgame. Helen looks like she’s about to throw the towel in, but Stu takes it away and says no we’re not doing that. After a few more hours, Helen takes the towel away and tosses it in. The bell rings, Owen picks the towel up, and runs to the back with his hands in the air like he’s achieved the ultimate victory! That son of a bitch! Bob Backlund is awarded the WWF Title as Owen celebrates what he did in the back. Now if you disagree with my rating for this match, I understand entirely. It’s not for everyone. And when I say that Backlund had Bret in the Chickenwing for forever, I am not exaggerating. I’m pretty sure that the last 10 minutes of this match is Backlund having Bret in the hold. If it didn’t drag on as long as it did, I probably would’ve bumped the rating up to a 4.25, but goddamn. That ending was amazing. Owen, that devious son of a bitch. I loved it.

My Rating: ****

Match 4: Survivor Series Elimination Tag Team Match - The Million Dollar Team (Bam Bam Bigelow, King Kong Bundy, Tatanka & The Heavenly Bodies) def. Guts ‘N’ Glory (Lex Luger, Adam Bomb, Mabel & The Smoking Gunns) (23:21)

Now I’ll talk about something that I didn’t love. Matter of fact, I’d go as to say I hated it. This was absolutely no fun to watch. Bam Bam Bigelow is pretty good in this match, but that’s pretty much it. Mabel gets the first eliminated after hitting a crossbody on Tom Prichard off the top. But then Mabel takes himself out by clotheslining Bam Bam over the ropes and the camera doesn’t catch it but I’m pretty sure he might’ve hit his head on the floor the way he landed. Mabel is counted out. Adam Bomb is eliminated by Bam Bam next after a moonsault. Lex Luger eliminates Jimmy Del Ray next. So after 4 eliminations, not even 10 minutes has gone by. And we still have 14 minutes to go bud. Fuck me. The Smoking Gunns go next after several minutes, leaving Luger with the 3 members of the Million Dollar Team. And now we have 7 minutes left. And this wouldn’t have been so bad if Luger started making an epic comeback. But that’s not what happens. They just beat on Lex’s ass for 7 minutes, because they drag this on to piss me off! I was actually shouting at my screen for them to take it home. Luger gets a final elimination on Tatanka with a small package, but he’s eliminated in the next 10 seconds after Bundy splashes on him. Thank. Fuck.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: Casket Match with Chuck Norris as Special Enforcer - The Undertaker def. Yokozuna (15:24)

Why is Chuck Norris the enforcer? The kayfabe answer is to stop people from interfering. The real answer is cause they in TEXAS! But anywho, this match isn’t that special. It’s what you can expect from a Casket Match. They just roll each other towards the casket a lot. Undertaker looks like he’s about to win, but he stops for some reason when Bundy and Bam Bam both walk down from the entrance way, and Chuck Norris stands there… MENACINGLY! Then IRS kicks Taker in the balls from behind and puts him in a sleeper hold, before he pushes him into the casket. Yokozuna eventually wakes up and goes to shut the lid, but Undertaker grabs him by the throat and climbs out. Jeff Jarrett comes down. Why does he come down? The real answer is so Chuck can thrust kick him back. The kayfabe answer is because shrug. Undertaker drops Yoko in the casket. He grabs the japanese flag out of Mr. Fuji’s hand, and breaks it over his knee before them them in along with Yoko. Very uninteresting way to end the show. It’s not horrible, just boring.

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.68

My Rating: 5/10

I don’t think this show deserves lower than a five but it also sure as hell doesn’t deserve any higher than a five either. It’s very much in the middle for me. The opener and the WWF Title Match are good enough to carry this show, but everything else is just trashy. The main event doesn’t feel main event worthy. The 3rd elimination match drags on for too long. And The second elimination match… happened.

As we are in the new year, I think the next show in the series is appropriate. New Year’s Revolution 2006.

 

[Skyefire]

Dink actually has put together a decent career for himself. He wrestled in the WWF in the early 80's as Tiger Jackson. Unless his match has been cut from the WWE Network broadcast you should be able to see him on the January 23, 1984 Madison Square Garden "Old School" show. He wrestles a best 2-of-3 falls midget tag team match. The match is followed on the card a match I think you're familiar with, Iron Sheik defending the WWF Championship against Hulk Hogan. He also wrestled on the August 9, 1993 Monday Night Raw as Macho Midget teaming with the Bushwackers against the Beverley Brothers and Little Louie (who becomes one of Lawler's midgets).

 

[Jarf]

New Year’s Revolution 2006

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Ric Flair (c) def. Edge via DQ (7:10)

A decent little opener here that gets soured by the DQ finish. But understandable considering what happens later. I don’t remember it being that great, but it didn’t bore me at all. Flair is actually trying to beat the shit out of Edge here. But Edge is cagey. An entertaining spot is when Flair goes to the top rope. Edge tries to take him down, but Flair eye pokes him. Lita gets on the apron and gets an eye poke as well. And Flair actually hits Edge off the top. Flair back drops Edge over the top rope, and Lita, who is then hip tossed into the ring by Flair. Ric puts Lita in the Figure 4. So Edge beats Ric’s brains in with the briefcase and gets himself disqualified. And Flair bleeds hard off this beating. He ironically bleeds more than anyone in the Chamber match does later. So Edge doesn’t leave with the IC Title, but his night is far from over.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: Women’s Championship Match - Trish Stratus (c) def. Mickie James (7:24)

We are in the midst of the Trish’s stalker storyline. And Mickie earned this match after beating Victoria in a number one contenders match. I thought going into this that Mickie would be a little hesitant beating up Trish, but surprisingly we get a decent match between these two. Even though Mickie shows signs of still being green, she hangs pretty well with Trish. Mickie hits the Stratusfaction, Trish’s own move on Trish, but takes her time going for the cover. Savoring the moment costs her because Trish kicks out. Mickie goes for Trish’s own Chick Kick on Trish, but Trish ducks and hits it herself to retain the title against her crazy but sexy stalker.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Jerry Lawler def. Gregory Helms (9:02)

Alright, real talk. Why did this match get more time than the first two matches? I mean, this match is more decent than most of Lawler’s matches in the 21st century, but it’s still not good. A whole lot of this match is Helms wearing down Lawler and boy is it boring. Lawler makes a comeback and sets Helms up for the Piledriver, but gets backdropped. Then Helms goes to the top rope, but Lawler runs and shakes the ropes. Helms gets crotched and falls to the mat. And Lawler goes up next and hits a diving fist drop to win the match. So tell me why would you book Helms to lose his first PPV match to a past his prime Jerry Lawler. Helms was less than a month away from winning the Cruiserweight Title by the way, which he then went on to hold for over a year. So 56 year old Jerry Lawler > every cruiserweight on SmackDown.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Triple H def. Big Show (16:20)

The feud that gives them something to do. But I’ll admit, I wasn’t expecting much of anything from this match, but this was actually a pretty solid match between them. Big Show goes into this match with an OVERSIZED cast on his hand after Triple H broke it with a sledgehammer. Big Show takes a swing at HHH, who was leaning against the ring post. HHH dodges and Big Show hits his hand against the post and he recoils in pain. So Triple H goes after that cast and pretty much splits it and gets it off Big Show’s hand, which then Triple H targets for several minutes. Big Show knocks out the referee with the bad hand, and while Big Show is trying to wake him up, Triple H goes outside to grab a sledgehammer. He goes to hit Big Show, who stops it with his good hand and then splits the hammer in half with the bad hand. The fight spills outside and Triple H ends up smashing Big Show’s hand into the steps with a steel chair. Big Show gets one last gasp in with a spear on the outside. Big Show tosses Triple H back inside and grabs HHH to set up the chokeslam, but Triple H has the top half of the broken sledgehammer and hits Big Show in the head with, and then hits a weak Pedigree to win the match as the referee comes to. Not a great match by any means, but it could’ve been worse. I thought this match would suck but solid stuff here.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: Shelton Benjamin def. Viscera (7:05)

You deserved better Shelton. This match is happening cause Viscera tried to fuck Shelton’s mom… that’s it. Momma Benjamin is outside. And she. Does not. Shut. Up. The whole match she’s talking and saying some of the most out of pocket shit if I’m being honest. Like whenever Viscera was in control, she’d say shit like “Do I need to get the belt.” Holy shit momma okay. Viscera gets Anal Destruction in. No I will not be taking questions. The match ends after momma hits Viscera in the head with her purse, which we later find out had a brick in it. Then Shelton wins the match with a spinning wheel kick. Pointless and shitty.

My Rating: *

Match 6: Bra & Panties Gauntlet Match - Ashley def. Victoria, Maria, Torrie Wilson & Candice Michelle (11:30)

As bad as that last match was though, it somehow got worse. This might be the worst Bra and Panties match of all time. And normally, I just lump all of them together just because… they’re all the same match. But this one just had that extra bit of “what the fuck.” Maria beats Candice and Torrie, but gets beat by Victoria who definitely deserved better than what was about to happen to her. Fucking Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young come out next. And sadly there’s no Dudleys in sight, so she’s only here to do something that will make me nauseous. I’m not gonna lie, I covered my eyes cause I didn’t want to see what happened next. But after the music stops, I look up and see the two old women trying to strip Victoria and succeeding. These old ladies are overpowering Victoria! What the fuck! Holy fucking shit this is trash! Not only are they overpowering her, but it takes fucking forever to strip Victoria’s top because she was wearing an extra bra, so they gotta that off too. They eventually and thankfully leave. Ashley comes out, strips Victoria out of her pants and just wins. Goddamn can we move on.

My Rating: Big fat DUD here.

Main Event: WWE Championship Elimination Chamber Match - John Cena (c) def. Carlito, Chris Masters, Shawn Michaels, Kane & Kurt Angle (28:24)

Going into this match, Carlito and Chris Masters have an established alliance coming in. They made plans to work together earlier in the night. The match starts with Cena and HBK. A good way to start the match, then Carlito comes out of the his pod first and he gets off to a hot start. He beats up both Shawn and Cena at first, but the first 2 men to start the match work together against Carlito. The match has been okay so far, but then Kurt Motherfuckin’ Angle comes into the match and completely wrecks their shit! And he injects some life into this match. He takes Cena, Carlito and Shawn to suplex city! I’ll say it again, Kurt Angle was the original mayor of Suplex City. And he looks just about unstoppable. Cena gets a few shots on him, but Angle completely wrecks them! He bloodies Shawn Michaels and puts Carlito in the ankle lock, and Carlito is in this for a long time. They know Chris Masters is out next because Kane is gonna be the last man out so Carlito just has to hang on a little longer, and he manages to do it. Masters comes in to save Carlito. He press slams Shawn and goes to put Kurt in the Masterlock, but Angle slips down and puts Masters in the ankle lock. Cena saves the masterpiece and tries to FU Angle, but Kurt slips down Cena’s back and sunset flips into the ankle lock! That’s one of the things about Kurt Angle that I’ve always loved, how he can find a way to put the ankle lock on from anywhere! Kurt Angle is looking unstoppable and then he gets a superkick from Shawn and is eliminated first shockingly. Carlito and Masters get a chance to work together and then Kane comes out and cleans house. He gives a chokeslam to both Shawn and Cena (which got a huge pop cause they wanted Cena to lose so bad) But Carlito and Masters come back in to team up on Kane. Carlito hits the Backstabber and Masters presses Carlito up and drops him on Kane, then they dog pile on him to keep him down for the 3 count. So Kane is out and that leaves us with Carlito and Masters against a beaten up Cena and Michaels. Shawn starts to comeback and tosses Carlito and Masters both out of the ring. But he knocks Cena down and Lawler says “they need to work together against Carlito and Masters” but Shawn can’t hear him. He elbow drops and then superkicks Cena and Lawler is proven right a moment later as Carlito and Masters come back and eliminate Shawn. Carlito and Masters double team Cena and bloody him up now. They have this match in hand and Carlito tells Masters to put Cena in the Masterlock. Masters gets Cena in the Masterlock, Carlito drops behind Masters and low blows him and rolls him up. Masters is gone, but Cena rolls Carlito up just a second later and wins the match, retaining his championship, much to the chagrin of this crowd. But it’s okay, because they have a savior coming their way.

My Rating: ***1/2

Vince McMahon’s music hits and he says that nobody is going anywhere and this night is not over. He tells them to raise the cage. He congratulates Cena for retaining and says that there will be another match tonight. He announces that John Cena will defend his WWE Title against Edge! Edge comes out, he hands Vince the briefcase and marches down to the ring with a devious look in his eye and a smile on his face!

Improvised Main Event: WWE Championship Match - Edge def. John Cena (c) (1:41)

This is it. The first ever cash-in in history that would set the stage for every cash-in to come after it. And because it’s the first, it’s actually a surprise. Fun fact by the way, it was Edge’s idea for him to cash-in after the champ is beaten up and the only one who thought it was a good idea was Vince and as Edge came out to hand him the briefcase, Vince mouthed the words “prove me right.” Edge gets in, the crowd is going nuts. The bell rings and we have an official title match! Edge punches and kicks on Cena. Edge hits a Spear and… Cena kicks out. Jesus christ. Edge hits another Spear to win his first world title and the celebration begins! And this is a long celebration. Like I think they played the whole length of Metalingus before the show went off the air (not that I’m complaining). This is still one of my favorite moments in wrestling history. Maybe it’s just because I’m an Edgehead. But it’s a legitimate moment of brilliance. It established Edge as a slimy and smart bad guy. He wins his first world championship and because it’s the first ever cash-in, it’s actually a surprise when it happens after a match. Genuinely amazing… It’s just a shame it only lasts 3 fucking weeks!

Cagematch Rating: 5.69

My Rating: 6/10

I won’t lie to you guys, most of this rating is for the last hour of the show. The Chamber match gets forgotten because of the post-match but it’s genuinely good and of course, I’ve already shared my feelings about the cash-in. Triple H vs Big Show defied my expectations as well. The only low points pretty much are the Lawler match, the Shelton match and whatever the fuck that Bra and Panties match was.

We’re going back to the UK ladies and germs. Next show will be Rebellion 2002.