Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

Rebellion 2002

The show begins with Stephanie McMahon coming out and looking fiiiiiiine as hell. She announces that Edge will be replacing The Undertaker in the main event against Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman. Then hilariously, she says that because this was the only SmackDown exclusive PPV of the year, she wanted to make it the best PPV of the year. Then she announces Raw superstar, Booker T.

Match 1: Booker T def. Matt Hardy (12:01)

Solid match to start the show. Booker beats up Matt Hardy at first, but Matt hot shots Booker and starts wearing him down. Big freaking pop for Booker too. They put on a serviceable match for being a random house show opener. Booker starts making the comeback eventually after a spinebuster. Booker T hits a Book End for a near fall, Matt gets his foot on the bottom rope. Matt Hardy hits a Twist of Fate moments later, but Booker T kicks out. Matt picks Booker back up and attempts to hit another one, but Booker gets out of it, kicks Matt in the gut and hits a Scissors Kick to win the match.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Billy Kidman & Torrie Wilson def. John Cena & Dawn Marie (5:22)

Oof, this was an awkward watch. This isn’t like most normal mixed tag matches. Guys are actually allowed to wrestle the girls in this match and that comes into play surprisingly a couple times in this match. Torrie and Dawn do the catfight roll over the referee spot, except Kidman’s the one who gets it and celebrates after. There’s a moment when Cena gets in the ring with Torrie and it’s so weird seeing Cena be a piece of shit. He grabs her by the hair and the other hand on her wrist, bringing her to a knee. But she low blows him and tags in Kidman. The men fight each other while Torrie and Dawn spill to the outside. Kidman wins the match with the worst Shooting Star Press I’ve ever seen. What happened here? He doesn’t get a full rotation and doesn’t really even hit it. He hits Cena, but it’s with his freaking chin. That’s apparently enough to keep Cena down as he gets the 3 count. Torrie and Kidman share a celebratory kiss after. Which, they were dating in real life at this point, so it makes sense.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: Funaki def. Crash Holly (5:37)

I didn’t even know Crash Holly was still employed at this time, I’m gonna be honest. This match was okay, but that’s all it was. I did like how Crash seemed to be a bit more aggressive than he used to be. Although the bit where Crash pulled out a karate headband the Japanese flag on it and tried to do kung fu reeeeeally showed off this show’s age. Crash tries a bandido rollup but Funaki holds Crash down on the roll to win the match.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 4: Cruiserweight Championship Triple Threat Elimination Match - Jamie Noble (c) def. Rey Mysterio & Tajiri (12:47)

This was going pretty well in the beginning and it looked like it was going to be a pretty good match as Rey flew around the ring, Tajiri used them educated feetsies to kick the brains out of his opponents and Jamie Noble, did Jamie Noble things. Tajiri is eliminated surprisingly early though, which was kinda disappointing. He kicks Rey who was the apron. But Noble turns him around and hits a Tiger Bomb to eliminate him. That was a few minutes into the match so the rest is just a one on one match. And now we slow it down brother. Noble sits on Rey for forever. But Rey starts the comeback. In an electric chair position, he spins his body and hits a DDT on the champ. Rey tries to dial it up for the 619, but Nidia trips him, allowing Noble to recover and hit a Tiger Bomb on Rey, who kicks out of it, just making Tajiri look like a nerd. Rey tries to victory roll Noble, but Noble lays on Rey and holds him down to score the lucky win. Nidia gets in the ring and slaps Rey, so what does Rey do? He kicks Nida into Noble’s back and they’re both resting on the second rope, and Rey hits them both with a 619. Or a 12218 as Michael Cole called it.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 5: D-Von & Ron Simmons def. Chuck Palumbo & The Big Valbowski (4:09)

This is the show Steph wanted to be the best of the year? And she booked this match? What? I don’t think I’ve been so disinterested in a match in my life. This is the most house show match they could’ve booked. Val doesn’t really do much except get beat up really. Palumbo does most of the work. It’s funny how he’s just a guy here, they don’t make any mention of Billy at all. Palumbo gets rolled up from behind by D-Von, who I assume went backstage to ask whoever I was playing as in SmackDown: Shut Your Mouth season mode for yet ANOTHER donation to his building fund.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 6: Kiss My Ass Match - Rikishi def. Albert (7:17)

This is the match you would expect it to be. Just a typical big man match. It’s not good. But I’m obligated to talk about it. Albert beats on Rikishi and takes off the turnbuckle pad, irish whipping Kish into it. Rikishi starts to make the comeback of course. But Albert hits a bicycle kick on Rikishi, who kicks out. Albert runs at Rikishi in the corner, but Kish dodges and Albert hits the exposed turnbuckle. Rikishi hits a superkick and a Banzai Drop to win the match. Albert tries to leave, but the referee tells him that if he doesn’t get back in the ring before the count of ten, he’ll be suspended without pay. Albert makes it back in the ring and gets on his knees in front of Rikishi’s huge ass, but he low blows him. Rikishi crumbles in the corner, and Albert tries to make him kiss his ass, but Rikishi low blows him back. Rikishi hits the throw it back splash in the corner (you know that one). Albert crumbles in the corner and Rikishi stinkfaces Albert. So that sucked but then Rikishi calls the announcers, Tazz and Cole and the ring announcer Chimel in the ring to dance with him. Admittedly, watching Michael Cole’s just swing his arms was pretty funny to me.

My Rating: *

Match 7: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit (c) def. Los Guerreros (16:36)

Finally, something I can get behind on this show. As you would expect, this was really good. While I don’t think I’m as high on it as most people are, this was still a fun watch. Angle and Benoit just can’t get along and pretty much they’re only in it to outdo the other here. It did lead them to hitting dueling german suplexes at one point which was sweet. Kurt Angle is REALLY over with this crowd, so the Guerreros isolate and wear down Benoit. Which was smart, because when Kurt got that hot tag, they’d go nuts. Benoit gets his chance to get out when he gets Chavo in a Crossface. Eddie comes off the top with a Frog Splash and accidentally hits Chavo because Benoit let go and moved out of the way. He tags in Kurt, who throws the Guerreros around. He gets taken down, but Benoit saves them with germans of his own to the Guerreros. He hits a Diving Headbutt on Eddie and gets out of the ring. Angle covers Eddie, but Chavo saves the match. He hits Angle with a Brain Buster before clotheslining Benoit out of the ring and the two tumble to the outside. Eddie goes to the top to attempt a Frog Splash, but Angle gets up meets him up there. But Eddie shoves Angle off and then hits the Frog Splash! But before he can cover Kurt, Benoit runs in and puts Eddie in the Crossface! Chavo saves Eddie but gets sent out of the ring. The referee gets bumped and Eddie puts Angle in the Lasso from El Paso. But Angle reverses that (off screen, fucked camera work) into an Ankle Lock! Chavo hits Angle with one of the Tag Titles though. The Guerreros have something planned as Chavo goes to the top, but is shoved off by Benoit. Benoit hangs Eddie on the top rope, and Eddie stumbles back into an OLYMPIC SLAM!!! Champs retain.

My Rating: ***3/4

Main Event: WWE Championship 2-on-1 Handicap Match - Brock Lesnar (c) & Paul Heyman def. Edge (18:50)

Before the match, Brock and Heyman are in their locker room and Brock offers Paul a warning. “If by some chance, Edge beats you, I will bust you in half.” Hot take here, but I thought this match was better than the last one. The Tag Title match was very good, but this match was freaking great. It’s a shame that Brock and Edge didn’t get more chances to wrestle each other more, because this was a fun watch. No tag rules by the way, so Brock doesn’t need to tag in Paul for Edge to beat him. But Paul doesn’t do anything for pretty much this whole match so it’s just a one on one the whole time. Edge knows he isn’t going to overpower Brock, so he tries to frustrate the champ by mocking his mannerisms and the way he bounces around and flexes and it works. Brock gets frustrated. But Paul grabs Edge’s leg on the outside allowing Brock to get the upper hand. Edge gets back at Paul in a bit by Spearing him off the apron. Brock wears Edge down and Edge fights from down under to get back into the match. Brock wounds himself by running shoulder first in the ring post. Edge clotheslines Brock over the top and brings Paul Heyman in and hits an axe handle off the top. He covers Paul, but Brock makes the save a moment later. Edge really has Brock on the ropes towards the end of this match, and considering Brock pretty much dominated everyone in his path up to this point, Hogan, Rock and Undertaker, that’s no small feat. The referee gets bumped and Edge hits Brock with an Edgecution. Paul slides a chair in the ring, and Brock takes a swing at Edge with it, but Edge ducks and runs off the ropes, hitting a Spear on Brock! The referee recovers but Brock kicks out. Edge goes back to the top rope, but Brock hits Edge in the ribs with the chair as he comes off which the referee doesn’t see. Brock picks Edge back up and hits the F5 to retain. This was so incredibly underrated. A masterclass in making someone look good in defeat! By the way, neither of these guys were even in their 30s yet at this point! Paul tries to attack Edge after the match with the chair, but Edge kicks the chair back in Paul’s face and hits him with an Edgecution to end the show.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 5.70

My Rating: 5.5/10

This show was half good and half crap. This was booked like a house show because it pretty much was. Like some of the bad shit didn’t feel like it should even be on a PPV. But hey, those last 2 matches kicked ass and the Cruiserweight Title match was pretty solid as well so I can’t give it too low of a rating.

We had a new years themed PPV recently so we might as well get a Royal Rumble in here too. It’ll be Royal Rumble 1996.

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 1996

Match 1: Ahmed Johnson def. Jeff Jarrett via DQ (6:40)

So WWF decided a match with a DQ finish would be the perfect way to start the show. At least it doesn’t go nearly half an hour… cough cough. Ahmed clearly is the stronger of the two and he really uses that strength advantage. And he also just casually dives over the top rope at one point, no big deal. But he hurts his knee coming off the top rope and Jeff Jarrett sees this and puts Ahmed in the Figure Four. But Ahmed escapes it. Jeff eventually gets tired of wrestling Ahmed as I’m sure most people did, and comes off the top rope with his guitar, smashing it over Ahmed’s head and gets himself DQ’d. Ahmed gets up as Jeff is heading to the back, gets up and chases him towards the back.

My Rating: **

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The Smoking Gunns (c) def. The Bodydonnas (11:14)

Okay match, it’s just that didn’t really do anything that stood out to me. Well, as far as the action in the ring goes. Sunny acts as a distraction for the Gunns, and Billy gets concerned after Sunny falls off the apron. The Bodydonnas take control thanks to the distraction and isolates Billy from Bart. Billy eventually makes the tag to Bart, who knocks the Bodydonnas down and around the ring. The Bodydonnas however, try to finish off Bart, and Billy tackles Zip, allowing Bart to roll Skip in a small package to retain their titles.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Goldust def. Razor Ramon (c) (14:17)

Man, they really went all out with the whole “Goldust is gay thing” huh? Kind of offensive today. According to Vince, if you’re gay, then you’re just uncontrollably horny all the time. Legit, all Goldust does for most of this match is grope Razor. Razor slaps Goldust’s ass at one point, and Goldust reacts like he just came in his gear. It takes like 7 minutes for the wrestling to start. Goldust hides behind Marlena 3 times. After the third time, Razor lifts Marlena up by her hips and sets her aside, allowing Goldust to take control and start to wear down Razor. Ramon fights back and beats on Goldust, throwing him around the ring and off the top rope. Razor looks like he’s about to set up the Razor’s Edge, but Marlena gets on the apron, distracting the referee. The 1-2-3 Kid comes off the top and hits Razor with a spinning wheel kick and Goldust covers him as the ref turns around and counts the pin. Solid match towards the end, but it’s just so much uninteresting bullshit before it.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: Royal Rumble Match - Shawn Michaels won by last eliminating Diesel (58:49)

It’s not the worst Rumble, but it’s not good either. It’s very in the middle. But the last thing you want is the Rumble Match to be in the middle. Also, some weird angles and spots in this match that I feel like they didn’t think through. Hunter Hearst Helmsley starts the match at number 1 and is going to be the Iron Man in this match. Jerry Lawler is number 4 and after Jake Roberts comes in, he hides under the ring until he’s brought back out. Bob Holly is number 5 and also lasts a pretty long time somehow. We go 9 entrants before we get an elimination, and it’s Bob Backlund. When 1-2-3 Kid comes out at number 10, Razor Ramon chases him out and I just now am starting to realize as I’m typing this, that spot would’ve been perfect to play the Benny Hill theme. When Vader comes in, he’s not in there for very long, be he eliminates quite a few people and beats the bricks off a few guys in the process. Vader looked like a bad motherfucker. Shawn Michaels comes out at number 18 to a big ovation. He fucking bull charges Vader and Yokozuna who were leaning on the ropes and pushes them over the ropes. Vader flips the fuck out, he goes back inside, he presses Shawn over his head… and tosses him over the top rope?! He also tosses Triple H and Bob Holly over. But none of these people are eliminated because Vader is not in the match anymore. Man, it’s a good thing for all three of them that they implemented that rule for one year only. Diesel comes out at number 22 and knocks down everyone in his path, including Shawn who he had reconciled with. The Ringmaster comes out and looks impressive in his showing. But I doubt his career ever went anywhere. Diesel tosses Triple H out at number 25 I think. The Iron Man is gone. Marty Jannetty is number 28 and he goes at it with Shawn for a bit which was a nice spot. Fatu eliminates Austin just before number 30 comes out. Now the interesting thing about that, is that according to Austin, he was supposed to be in the final 4. But when Fatu clotheslined him over, he just kinda slipped off the ropes. Number 30 is, of all people, Duke The Dumpster Droese. Which is quite possibly the worst number 30 of all time. He’s gone in 2 minutes. Coming down to the wire, Shawn eliminates Bulldog and Diesel eliminates Kama. Diesel turns around into a Superkick from Shawn, which makes him fly over the ropes. Shawn celebrates and Diesel gets back in the ring, looking very disgruntled. They tease him hitting Shawn, but he just raises his hand, allowing Shawn to high five him. Diesel is still at ringside when they announce the next match and The Undertaker makes his entrance.

My Rating: **3/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - The Undertaker def. Bret Hart (c) via DQ (28:28)

Undertaker and Diesel fight on the entrance way before Undertaker gets in the ring. Bret comes out next and they proceed to bore the hell out of me for about 20 minutes. I say 20 because it does start to get good once we begin reaching the home stretch, but my god this was boring. And I’ve seen some high ratings for this match, but I wasn’t big on this match. Most of this match is limb work basically. I do like how they both resort to cheating at some point despite being babyfaces. Paul Bearer distracts the referee, and Undertaker chokes Bret with some cables and hits him in the ribs with a chair. Bret takes off Taker’s phantom of the opera mask after he exposes the turnbuckle, and then rams Taker’s face into it. Obviously Taker is the stronger of the two and the better striker, while Bret is more cagey and is the better wrestler. Bret never manages to get Undertaker in the Sharpshooter, but he does get a Figure 4 on him. But then the finish comes and it’s so annoying. And maybe I wouldn’t be if this wasn’t the main event and also nearly half an hour long. Undertaker hits the Tombstone on Bret and looks like he’s about to win the title, but Diesel pulls the referee out of the ring and that prompts the ref to call for the bell and award the match to Undertaker by DQ. And if the show had ended with Undertaker and Diesel getting into a big brawl, this PPV could’ve ended in a much higher note. But it doesn’t. They actually have more.

My Rating: ***1/4

Now in a move that makes even less sense to me, Gorilla Monsoon makes the match between Bret and Diesel at In Your House 6 in a backstage interview. Diesel just interfered in and ruined the WWF Title match of this show. So obviously you reward him for it. So dumb.

Cagematch Rating: 5.72

My Rating: 3.5/10

I think this show is overrated as fuck. The one thing that this show has going for it is that the right man won the Rumble Match and that’s extremely important. But if I had to describe the matches on this show. Mid af. And that’s not worth the money. Especially when your main event goes nearly half an hour, doesn’t live up to expectations and ends in a disqualification. Laaaaaame.

Time to go back to one of my least favorite years in WWE. Next is Clash of Champions 2017.

 

[Skyefire]

This show featured the first-ever Free For All event before the PPV. In it Dumpster beat Triple H to earn himself the #30 spot and HHH the #1. This comes a month after HHH got dumped in mud despite actually winning the Hog Pen Match. But he was made to look good in this. And despite nearly going all the way and earning a title match at WrestleMania, he ended up getting squashed by The Ultimate Warrior at the big show instead.

 

[Jarf]

This show featured the first-ever Free For All event before the PPV. In it Dumpster beat Triple H to earn himself the #30 spot and HHH the #1. This comes a month after HHH got dumped in mud despite actually winning the Hog Pen Match. But he was made to look good in this. And despite nearly going all the way and earning a title match at WrestleMania, he ended up getting squashed by The Ultimate Warrior at the big show instead.

I just looked at the list and that show will be coming soon as well so be ready for that haha.

 

[Jarf]

Clash of Champions 2017

Match 1: United States Championship Triple Threat Match - Dolph Ziggler def. Baron Corbin (c) & Bobby Roode (12:45)

Starting off the match hot with a very good Triple Threat. I remember this being good at the time and it still holds up. Ziggler and Roode are both crafty veterans while Corbin plays the power game. Corbin is one of those guys who’s just better in multi-man matches. Dolph and Roode team up against Corbin, foreshadowing their eventually tag team. Corbin brutalizes both men. Roode was over in this match. He was their guy. There was near falls aplenty towards the end of this match, especially towards the end. They did the tower of doom spot that eventually got tiring eventually. Roode suplexed Dolph while Corbin powerbombed Roode. Roode and Dolph get left alone in the ring and Dolph attempts a superkick on Roode but misses and Roode hits a spinebuster. He tries for the Glorious DDT, but Dolph escapes and hits leaping DDT for a 2 count. Roode catapults Dolph into the corner, and hits the DDT. Corbin comes back and tries to toss Roode out, but Roode reverses and tosses Corbin out instead and then covers Dolph. But just before the 3, Corbin pulls Roode out of the ring and hits a chokeslam backbreaker. Corbin throws Roode back in and goes for the End of Days, but as he’s about to hit it, Dolph hits the Zig Zag on Corbin as Roode is forced into the mat with the End of Days! Ziggler pins Corbin to win the United States Title. And then drops it on SmackDown and leaves for a month because why? Because fuck you that’s why.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - The Usos (c) def. The New Day (Kofi & Big E.), Chad Gable & Shelton Benjamin, Rusev & Aiden English (12:00)

Yet another good match on this show. And unlike most Four-Way Tag Matches, a member of each team is allowed in the ring at once, and I like that a lot better. Rusev Day was over as fuck too, so at the time, I was certain they were gonna win. And it gets off to a chaotic start. All 8 men get in the ring at the same time. Big E. throws Kofi over the ropes onto Gable and Rusev. Jimmy Uso gets on the top rope and Shelton leaps up and hits an overhead suplex from there. They’re hitting their spots early. So obviously its time to slow it down… Rest spots ladies and gentlemen. But it picks back up towards the end and gets very chaotically fun. New Day try to hit Midnight Hour on Rusev, but Aiden saves him by throwing Kofi off the top. Rusev puts Big E. in the Accolade and he holds this thing in for a hot minute where the crowd is losing their minds. But Chad Gable comes back in and hits a german suplex on Rusev out of the hold. He hits a Chaos Theory on Aiden, before he hits one on Big E too. He tries to hit one on an Uso, but Uce hangs onto the ropes and Chad rolls back. Uce hits a superkick on Gable, and then tags in the brother, who hits a splash on Chad to retain. Another exciting match. Not as good as Meltzer’s rating (4.25) would suggest it is, but a fun watch.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 3: SmackDown Women’s Championship Lumberjack Match - Charlotte Flair (c) def. Natalya (10:35)

Rewatching this match makes me realize that SmackDown legit only had 3 women’s babyfaces on their roster, Charlotte, Naomi and Becky. Naomi is the only babyface lumberjack at ringside which begs the question… where the hell was Becky Lynch? But on my thoughts on this match. It wasn’t very good to begin with. It was too boring in the beginning and it just completely falls apart towards the end. The first two matches were both longer than this one, but yet, this one still feels like it was longer than both of them. So that about sums it up. Natalya gets Charlotte in the Sharpshooter, but doesn’t win with it obviously. All the lumberjacks get in the ring and start fighting for whatever reason. Charlotte at least moonsaults on them all… so that’s something. Natalya throws Charlotte into the ring post and tries to reapply the Sharpshooter, but Charlotte escapes it and reverses it into a Figure 4 and then a Figure 8 to force Nattie to tap. This middle portion is where the show kinda falls off a cliff.

My Rating: **

Match 4: The Bludgeon Brothers def. Breezango (1:55)

Read that and however you’re thinking this match went down is exactly how it went. The Bludgeon Brothers squashed Breezango and then cut a promo afterward. They ended the match after lifting Fandango into the air and dropping him on his back. This match doesn’t warrant a rating I think.

Match 5: Tag Team Match with Shane McMahon & Daniel Bryan as Special Referees - Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn def. Randy Orton & Shinsuke Nakamura (21:40)

Looking at the four names, not counting the referees, this very much could’ve and should’ve been the best match of the night. But it falls into the same category I would lump Bret vs Taker from the last show I watched. Falls under expectations. It also doesn’t help that once again, most of the attention is on the referees instead of the action. The stipulation going into this match is that Kevin and Sami are fired if they lose this match. Most of this match isn’t that great. Kevin and Sami act well as the obnoxious cocky heels. But Orton and Nakamura don’t feel like their presence is necessary if that makes sense. Like they don’t have any personal stake in this match, they’re just here cause Shane wanted them beat up Kevin and Sami. Maybe that’s part of what hurt this match but it does start to get good towards the end. Owens hits a splash on Shinsuke through the announce table that knocks him out for pretty much the rest of the match. Orton hits Zayn with an RKO on the inside and covers him. But Kevin pushes Bryan on Shane as he counts the pin and Shane yells at Bryan. Sami and Orton go through several near falls before Sami rolls Orton up and Shane counts the pin… but doesn’t count 3. Sami had the match won, but Shane doesn’t count the pin. So now it’s Bryan’s turn to get on Shane’s case. But Sami rolls Orton up one more time and to make up for Shane’s lack of count, Bryan fast counts and awards the match to Sami and Kevin, who get to keep their jobs.

My Rating: ***

Main Event: WWE Championship Match - AJ Styles (c) def. Jinder Mahal (23:00)

I just keep getting these PPVs at the perfect time. Just as Jinder is about to receive a title shot tomorrow night, here I am watching a PPV where he’s getting a world title shot. I was really scared going into this match at the time by the way. I had been conditioned to disappointment at the end of every PPV at this point. But you know what, I know I clown on Jinder a lot, but this was and still is his best match to date. For the first time since he got his mega push, he actually is able to put on a main event match. Ironically enough, not until he lost the title was he able to do that. Maybe it’s just because he was in there with AJ Styles, but I thought this was a very good match to close the show. AJ really took some abuse in this match from Jinder. And maybe that was the problem with Jinder all along, was that he hadn’t yet been in the ring with someone who he could show his strengths with. He targets AJ’s ribs throughout the match and throws and drops him into everything. AJ really makes Jinder look good in this match and it’s a testament to how good he is. AJ also targets Jinder’s left leg in this match, softening it up for the finish. The Singh Brothers interfered as they always do, so AJ goes outside and beats the piss out of them. He gets back on the apron and tries to hit a Phenomenal Forearm, but Jinder dodges. He knees AJ in the back and hits the Khallas and I can’t tell you how much that scared me as I watched it back then. But AJ thankfully kicked out. And Jinder decided it was time for some mockery. He sets AJ up for a Styles Clash, but Styles reverses it into the Calf Crusher. And Jinder holds on for a decent amount of time before he taps out. Jinder’s best match still. Although maybe that will change tomorrow.

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.72

My Rating: 7.5/10

If it wasn’t for the middle portion of this show being a major disappointment, then this could’ve been a higher rating. There may not have been any standout matches from the show, but it left me debating which of the 3 matches I thought was the best. And I consider that a good thing. That being said, I do think it’s pretty skippable.

Next PPV is going to be a bit of a nostalgic, but also sad one for me. Being that Eddie Guerrero is my favorite wrestler ever, and this will the last PPV he ever wrestled on. No Mercy 2005.

 

[Skyefire]

So there were two matches involving three or more parties to the match, one with lumberjacks, and one with not one, but two guest referees.

 

[Jarf]

So there were two matches involving three or more parties to the match, one with lumberjacks, and one with not one, but two guest referees.

Oh... that's right I didn't think of that

 

[Jarf]

No Mercy 2005

That poster is awfully foreboding…

Match 1: Road Warrior Animal, Heidenreich & Christy Hemme def. MNM (5:55)

A 6-Person Tag to open the show. Animal is in there for most of the match honestly. Heidenreich starts the match and tags out within a minute. Animal has a taped up shoulder, so MNM works on that. They hit the Snapshot on Animal but he kicks out. Heidenreich tackles Nitro out of the ring. Melina tags herself in and makes the mistake of leaping off the top rope into the waiting arms of Animal, who tags in Christy. Christy botches a frankensteiner and just about lands on her own head. Animal picks Melina up on his shoulders and Christy comes off the top with a Doomsday Device. Christy covers Melina and eventually turns her on her back and the faces win.

My Rating: **

Match 2: Bobby Lashley def. Simon Dean (1:56)

Simon Dean rides out with Big Dick Johnson carrying a plate of cheeseburgers (which look really gross by the way, these burgers don’t look good in the slightest). Then Simon Dean makes the single biggest mistake of his life by saying that if he doesn’t defeat Bobby Lashley, then he’ll eat all 20 double cheeseburgers… So then Lashley comes out and completely wrecks him. Simon dumps the plate of burgers over, tossing two across the ring to distract the referee. He slams it across Lashley’s head and it doesn’t do shit. Just pisses him off. Lashley wins with the Dominator and stuffs the first cheeseburger down Simon’s mouth. A couple people collect the burgers off the mat and bring them back with them for Simon to chow down on later.

Match 3: United States Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - Chris Benoit (c) def. Booker T, Christian & Orlando Jordan (10:26)

With the show being in Houston, Booker T gets an ENORMOUS reaction. Christian and Orlando work together at first. But Booker T knocks Orlando down before him and Christian spill out the ring. Benoit runs back in to apply the Crossface on Jordan and the match is almost over just like that. I don’t remember Christian getting much offense in. I feel like he gets his ass whooped for most of the match. Booker T nearly has it won. Jordan irish whips him into the corner where Benoit and Christian were, causing the canadians to fly off onto the floor. Jordan runs at Booker, who leaps, twists his body and sunset flips Jordan from there. But Jordan just barely kicks out. Coming down to the wire, Benoit tosses Jordan through the middle rope like a missile onto Booker. Christian tries to hit the Unprettier, but Benoit reverses it and hits a bunch of german suplexes, then tries for the Diving Headbutt, which Christian dodges. But Benoit recovers quickly and gets Christian in the Crossface, and he holds on long enough for Jordan to make the save. Booker comes back in and clotheslines Jordan over the top and they spill back outside. Benoit gets Christian in the Sharpshooter and now Christian taps out. Benoit retains after a solid Four-Way.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 4: Mr. Kennedy def. Hardcore Holly (8:48)

Kennedy’s PPV debut. Holly really beats the bricks off Kennedy in this match. Early on, he beats on Kennedy, but Kennedy takes control of the match after throwing Holly into the ringpost. He works over his shoulder, but Holly fights back into the match, chopping the shit out of Kennedy. So hard that the sweat flies off Kennedy’s body. Holly goes to the top rope and Kennedy stops him, before going up with him and hits the Green Bay Plunge to win the match. Holly clutches his ribs as some people come out to help him, but Sylvan comes out and beats the shit out of Holly and stomping on and punching his ribs.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: JBL def. Rey Mysterio (13:08)

Very good big man vs little man match. Not a stand out match by any means, but one worth watching at least once in my opinion. JBL really pummels Rey during the match. But Rey takes JBL off his feet multiple times. Even doing… limb work? Weird for Rey. Rey wears JBL down by making him chase him around the ring which was great. Rey hits a bulldog on JBL on the outside from the apron. As Rey is going back up the steps, JBL sweeps Rey’s leg and Rey hits face first on the steps which was brutal. JBL hits 3 fall away slams. The first from the second rope, the second across the ring, and the third on the outside. Rey battles back into the match and as we’re closing in towards the end, Rey dropkicks JBL into the second rope and hits the 619. Rey then attempts the West Coast Pop, but JBL dodges. Rey turns around into the Clothesline From Hell and JBL, that piece of trash takes the win.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 6: 2-on-1 Handicap Casket Match - Randy & Bob Orton def. The Undertaker (19:16)

I remember liking this match when I was a kid. But I liked a lot of dumb shit when I was a kid. Like WWE in 2011. So I was expecting to be bored out of my mind. But I was pleasantly surprised to see it kinda holds up. It’s definitely one of the best Casket Matches ever. Bob Orton doesn’t do much in this match other than be Undertaker’s punching bag. But that was the role he needed to play so it’s fine. Undertaker holds his own fine, so the Ortons are crafty and have to outsmart Taker. At some point, they hit a double superplex from the top rope. Halfway through the match, Undertaker goes over to grab a steel chair, and he cracks that sucker across Randy’s back, and he falls into the casket. Undertaker puts Bob in the triangle and gets him in the casket next. Undertaker is on the verge of winning, but Orton recovers and stops him. Taker shuts the lid to the casket with Bob in there and for now it’s one on one. Undertaker hits the Last Ride and picks Randy up on his shoulder and has the referees open the casket. Bob rises and blows a fire extinguisher in Taker’s face, allowing Randy to take advantage and hit the RKO. Bob rolls Taker towards the casket, but Taker grabs Bob by the throat as the lid is opened. Randy saves his dad by hitting Taker with the fire extinguisher and causing the deadman to spill into the casket. (There was a lot of shit towards the end here) As Orton is about to shut the lid, Undertaker brings him down into the casket with him. Undertaker has him by the throat, but Bob grabs his hair. Taker punches Bob off of him, allowing Randy to reach over for the chair and slam it into Taker’s face. Orton gets out and they shut the lid together, then lock it shut. The Ortons win, and drag the casket towards the entrance. Bob brings out an axe and some gasoline brand gasoline. Orton chops a hole into the top of the casket, pours gasoline all over it and lits it on fire.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 7: Cruiserweight Championship Match - Juventud def. Nunzio (c) (6:42)

So now we have the cool down match after that flaming last match. And Juventud… just completely floors Guido here. Juventud just completely overwhelms him with his athleticism. The only offense I remember Nunzio getting was pulling Juvi off the top by his foot. But even then, I just looks like Juvi leaped off himself. Juvi hits a Snow Plow after rolling through a Northern Lights to win the Cruiserweight Title.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Batista (c) def. Eddie Guerrero (18:42)

I really liked the story going into this match. Everyone expects Eddie to be a snake in the grass as he befriends Batista, but during the match, he has several opportunities to cheat, but doesn't. The match starts to get good after the first time Eddie grabs a chair, but drops it. Batista grabs Eddie by the throat from the inside. Eddie hangmans Batista on the top rope and then hits a Frog Splash to Batista's back. So Eddie is gonna be working over his back most of the match. The referee gets bumped and Eddie gets this devious smile on his face, before he goes back out to grab the chair and teases hitting Batista over the back with it, but decides against it and tosses it back outside. Batista saw the chair in his hands though and goes wild on Eddie. Batista tries a Batista Bomb, but can't follow through it and Eddie sunset flips down Batista's back, but can't get the big man down. Batista grabs Eddie by the throat and hits a Spinebuster for a 2 count. Eddie hits the 3 Amigos and tries a Frog Splash, but Batista dodges. Eddie Rolla through, but runs into another Spinebuster which does him in. I actually really enjoyed this match. Underrated main event. The two shake hands after the match. Batista turns his back to Eddie, and they tease us one more time with Eddie flashing a wicked smile that fades as Batista starts to turn around again. Great ending. I would've loved to see how this story ended, but sadly it will remain a mystery…

My Rating: ***3/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.73

My Rating: 8/10

I was surprised this show held up so well all these years later. No matches reached the 4 star mark, but its consistent at least. All the best matches got time. Still not the best show ever. Not even the best show I've watched so far, but I thought it deserved an 8.

"The Boyhood Dream Has Come True." Next time… WrestleMania 12.

 

[Jarf]

WrestleMania XII

Match 1: Camp Cornette def. Yokozuna, Jake Roberts & Ahmed Johnson (12:51)

Dude, what the hell was Ahmed on during this match. The man looks lost this entire match man. Anyway, this was just an average opener. Nothing too good. The face team each takes a turn getting double teamed by the heel corner. Jake Roberts for whatever reason kicks out of Bulldog’s powerslam. Like… that just feels random. Why would they let him kick out of one of their finishers. Jake gets the hot tag to Yokozuna, who pummels Vader in the corner and knocks down Owen and Bulldog. Ahmed gets in to randomly hit Bulldog and then leaves. That’s what I mean, he seems so lost. Yoko tags Jake back in and a brawl breaks out between the two teams while Jake hits the DDT on Owen in the ring. Cornette gets in and tries to hit Jake with the tennis racket. But Jake hits him and sets up for the DDT. But Vader makes the save and then squashes Jake to get the win for his team.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Hollywood Backlot Brawl - Goldust vs. Roddy Piper ended in a no contest

So… what to say about this match… It starts out in a freaking alleyway, where Piper beats the piss out of Goldust for a few minutes. Goldust hits Piper with his car and then drives away. Piper gets into another car and chases Goldust. And then throughout the show, they play footage… of the actual OJ Simpson police chase and pass it off as Piper being chased while also saying “this footage looks familiar.” Honestly, this is what they should’ve done with Ambrose and Harper. Not a police chase, but just follow them as they fight throughout the city. It was a Chicago Street Fight after all. That would’ve been much better. We’ll come back to this later.

Match 3: Steve Austin def. Savio Vega (10:00)

These two had good chemistry but the match is hurt by the fact they have Piper on the phone and he talks about how he’s chasing this “fruitcake” down. Austin and Savio are able to put on a serviceable match with Austin wearing down Savio until Savio makes a big comeback and nearly beats Austin a couple times. But it’s all over for Savio after he accidentally spin kicks the referee. DiBiase slides the million dollar title in the ring and Austin hits Savio in the back of the head with it, not once but twice. He then puts him in the Million Dollar Dream as DiBiase throws a drink in the refs face to wake him up. The referee lifts and drops Savio’s arm 3 times and declares Austin the winner.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: Ultimate Warrior def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (1:36)

Despite what the main event was, I feel like this is a focal talking point for this show. Can you believe that the loser of this match is now in charge of creative? But for real though, I’ve never seen a bigger fuck you moment in all of wrestling then when Warrior got up immediately after Triple H’s pedigree. HHH didn’t even get up before Warrior! Warrior then lays into Hunter. Clotheslines, press slam, splash and it’s over. Like gah damn, this was even worse than I thought it’d be.

My Rating: DUD

Match 5: The Undertaker def. Diesel (16:46)

This match was solid, but that’s pretty much it. I think it goes on a little longer than it needed to. But still, I thought this was a nice match between the two. They make it a point to say that Diesel is Undertaker’s gravest challenge. And they’re not really wrong. Diesel beats the piss out of Undertaker in this match. Honestly to the point where Undertaker would’ve looked like Cena if Diesel’s cockiness didn’t get in the way. Diesel hits Undertaker with a Jackknife and takes his time covering him, taunting Undertaker. Undertaker gets up however and tries to make a comeback, but Diesel hits ANOTHER Jackknife on Taker. And he takes his sweet ass time covering Taker here. When he does go for the cover, Taker reaches up to grab him by the throat. He gets back on his feet and now he begins the comeback. He hits a flying clothesline, the Chokeslam and a Tombstone to go 5-0 at WrestleMania.

My Rating: ***

Goldust and Piper finally make it to the arena and go through the most awkward looking finish to any fight ever. This gets uncomfortably sexual. Goldust kisses Piper and then Hot Rod strips him down, revealing Goldust was wearing lingerie under his outfit, and Piper drops his knee into Goldust’s dick… and wins question mark?

Main Event: WWF Championship 60-Minute Ironman Match - Shawn Michaels def. Bret Hart (c) (1:01:52)

This might be the most divisive match in WWE history. On one hand, you have people who hated it for being “too long” and “too boring” and on the other you have people who love it for the wrestling and the story unfolding. Where do I stand. I think the former is underrating it and the latter is overrating it. It’s not the horrible garbage that people who hate it say it is. But I also wouldn’t put in the conversation for greatest match ever. The problem with this match and what weighs it down in my opinion is the first thirty minutes… For half an hour, they do almost nothing except limb work and rest holds and boy that shit gets old. It gets old really quick. They did one thing that stood out in the first thirty minutes where Shawn superkicks Tony Chimel because Bret was sitting on him and dodges out of the way. The last 30 minutes though is when they really start cooking. Shawn flies around the ring and damages Bret’s shoulder. But it comes back to bite him after Bret back drops Shawn over the top rope onto the floor. Bret then starts working a heel style in the match as he whoops Shawn’s ass and damages his back. He irish whips Shawn into the corner, and Shawn flies over, hitting Jose Lothario on the outside. Bret irish whips Shawn into Jose who was trying to recovers near the steps. And Bret is completely unapologetic about it, proving that not all Canadians are as polite as they say they are. Shawn begins a frantic, but exhausted comeback in the last 5 minutes. He comes off the top rope several times with axe handles, moonsaults, elbow drops and goes for a cover after each of them. We are down to the last minute in the match and neither man has gotten a fall, which is an aspect of the match some people hated because “whats the point of the Ironman stipulation!” Which I understand, but I actually love that part of this match. And besides, the Ironman stipulation is what makes this ending work. Bret gets Shawn in the Sharpshooter and Shawn hangs on while the crowd goes wild and Vince and Lawler are losing their minds on commentary. But Shawn lasts until the time limit runs out. The referee presents the title to Bret, who starts to leave. And imagine if this is the way WrestleMania ended. But no, Gorilla Monsoon says “not like that.” He whispers to the referee, who passes on the message to Howard Finkel, who announces that the match will continue under sudden death rules. There must be a winner. And Bret is pissed about this. He thought he was about to leave with his title and now he’s gonna take his anger out on Shawn. But Shawn gets an opening after he hits Bret with a superkick. Both men collapse on the mat totally exhausted. Both men get back up, very slowly. Bret approaches and gets another superkick and Shawn covers him to win and make the boyhood dream come true. That first half was bad but the last half hour, plus the overtime was a masterpiece in execution.

My Rating: ****1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.74

My Rating: 6/10

I'd say the only really bad part of the show is the squash match. But everything else below the main event was just meh. Speaking of the main event, it really felt like a match of two halves. The first half was nothing special but those last 30 minutes were so good that it's enough to carry it. So overall, I'd say this show is average. Just a nice 6 for it.

We're sticking with '96 and Shawn is still champion. Now he'll face his most deranged challenger yet. In Your House 10: Mind Games will be next.

 

[Skyefire]

Two things I wonder about with this show is one, if it wasn't for the long main event would the opening match be split into multiple separate matches and two, when it was decided that Helmsley would face Warrior if they had it in mind all along that the match would be a quick squash. You missed an important part of this show and that's the debut of Sable. She was Helmsley's valet for the match. Oh, yeah, and Marc Mero also made his first WWF appearance in an interview, but no one cares about him.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 10: Mind Games

Match 1: Caribbean Strap Match - Savio Vega def. Justin Bradshaw (7:09)

Savio’s second match of the night as apparently he had a match already on the free-for-all and challenged Bradshaw to this match after he interfered in that one. The bell rings pretty much as Savio gets in the ring. Bradshaw whips the hell out of Savio before the referee can put the strap on Savio’s wrist. And pretty much all they do is whip each other with the strap, which isn’t terrible. But not really that interesting. Oh, also Sandman and Tommy Dreamer are in the crowd and assault Savio randomly. The show was in Philly so they got a good reaction. This part was so random though that I can’t tell if it was planned or unplanned because they never bring it up again the rest of the show. They go through the same finish that Savio did in the match with Austin at Beware of Dog. Bradshaw goes around and touches all but one corner, Savio following behind him and doing the same. Bradshaw pulls Savio into him and Vega touches the last corner to win the match.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Jose Lothario def. Jim Cornette (0:57)

I know I should probably hate this match. But Cornette coming out looking like an air balloon and Jose making his entrance to Sexy Boy was entertaining to me. Sorry, not sorry. Besides it’s over in less than a minute. Jose punches Cornette a few times and wins the match. That’s basically it. Lets move on.

Before the next match, Brian Pillman comes out and calls out Owen Hart, asking where his brother Bret is. Because Brian said he would be there and of course, Bret is not. Owen says the reason he thinks Bret isn’t here is because he’s afraid of the 1996 King of the Ring… Stone Cold Steve Austin, who comes out and trashes on Bret. And I had no idea this show was where the “if you put the letter S in front of Hitman, you have my exact opinion of Bret Hart” promo came from and I popped for it. Pretty much setting up a feud that would carry Austin into superstardom.

Match 3: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Owen Hart & British Bulldog def. The Smoking Gunns (c) (10:59)

This match was alright. I think the heel vs heel dynamic hurts it though. Because everyone’s a heel, there are no hot tags. Owen and Bulldog outwrestle The Gunns for a bit, until Bulldog gets thrown into the steps on the outside. The Gunns isolate Bulldog for a while, keeping him away from Owen. But Bulldog gets an opening by shoving Bart into Billy on the apron. Billy didn’t see Bulldog shove Bart, so then Billy shoves Bart into Bulldog who hits the Running Powerslam. Owen hits a spin kick on Billy to prevent the pin break up and Owen and Bulldog take the tag titles home. Then Sunny throws a temper tantrum after the match and fires the Gunns.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: Mark Henry def. Jerry Lawler (5:13)

Mark Henry’s first match in the WWF. Lawler says he’s going to give Henry a wrestling education, but it’s Henry who does it instead. This match is just meant to be a showcase of Henry and how strong he is. There is a crazy spot though where Henry sidesteps Lawler and tosses him head first through the middle rope. Lawler crashes into the railing on the outside. Lawler stuffs something in his hand, and hits Henry with it. But it’s basically useless. Henry picks Lawler up in a Dominator position and cracks his back until Lawler gives up. Marty Jannetty, Al Snow and Triple H run down afterward to attack Henry for whatever reason. Henry takes Jannetty and Snow out before he presses HHH over his head and tosses him onto the wannabe Rockers on the outside.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Final Curtain Match - The Undertaker def. Goldust (10:23)

The only way to win this match is by pinfall, which means No DQ’s. Which is why I don’t understand why they feel like Marlena still needs to distract the ref. But anyway, bit of a harsh rating on Cagematch if you ask me. It’s not spectacular but I thought this was a solid match between these two. Definitely the best match they had together this year. Undertaker pummels the hell out of Goldust early on, but Goldust throws some dust in Taker’s eyes to blind the deadman. Goldust beats down Taker for a while, wearing him down until Undertaker begins the comeback. Undertaker finishes things with a Chokeslam and then a Tombstone. Solid brawl, but if it went any longer than it did, it might’ve suffered. So perfect amount of time for this match.

My Rating: ***

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Shawn Michaels (c) def. Mankind via DQ (26:25)

I’m sure at the time, everyone went into this match, expecting it to be good, but not a classic. Holy shit, they were COOKING! Awesome main event! This match is the one you should point people to if you ever hear someone say Mick Foley couldn’t wrestle and that’s why he only did violent matches. Shawn Michaels admits in a pre-match interview that he’s a bit nervous facing Mankind, which perfectly sets up the story they tell in this match. Shawn has to be aggressive and boy does he get aggressive. He is on top of Mankind stomping him into the concrete floor, slamming his head back into the concrete. He goes after Mankind’s legs and tries to take them out. I loved the bit where Shawn attempted the superkick and Mankind just ran and launched himself out of the ring and just rocked back and forth on the outside. Mick’s character work was amazing here. I think the way he eventually won the title was perfect, but man. IMAGINE if he had won this match and this Mankind was given a run with the title. Mankind grabs one of the announce tables on the outside and sets it up for the spot that probably everyone remembers best from this match later. As Mankind fights back and starts beating on Shawn, and turns on the aggression from his part, Shawn’s comeback later feels like a survival instinct. Mankind gets hung up between the top and middle ropes by his neck and as Shawn goes after him, Mankind puts the Mandible Claw on him. Mankind gets freed and Shawn follows him, so Mankind can put it back on him out there. Shawn drops down and pulls Mankind over and into the guard rail. Paul Bearer starts to argue with the referee as that’s happening. Both men recover and Mankind goes for a punch, but Shawn gets a chair up to block it and Mankind punches the chair. Shawn hits it into the back of Mankind’s knee before hitting the hand one more time with the chair. And Shawn smartly goes after that hand, trying to take one of Mankind’s deadliest weapons away from him. But Mankind turns the tables again with a back drop to the outside. Back and forth between these two. Mankind hits his patented elbow to the floor from the apron. He brings Shawn back in and hits the Double Arm DDT and covers him. Shawn kicks out. He hits a Piledriver. Shawn kicks out. Mankind starts ripping his own hair out from the frustration and goes outside to throw two chairs in the ring. Shawn however, begins the 2K comeback. The flying forearm, the kick up, the whole shebang. He goes up for the elbow drop, but Mankind stops him. He goes out to the apron and looks like he’s about to hit a back suplex on Shawn through the table. But Shawn turns his body and turns the back suplex into a crossbody through the table! Both men eventually get back up and Paul Bearer is once again arguing with the ref. Mankind goes to the ropes with a chair. But Shawn leaps off the one set up in the ring and kicks the one Mankind’s holding back into his face! Shawn rolls Mankind in and goes for the cover, but Vader comes down and RUINS THE MATCH! BOOOOOO! After that amazing match, this is the ending we get?! Booo! Boo you sir! The referee disqualifies Mankind! Sid comes down to take Vader away. But Bearer hits Shawn in the back of the head with the urn. Mankind tries to roll Shawn into the casket sitting at ringside, but surprise bitch! Undertaker was in there and chases Mankind away. Shawn celebrates with the title as the show goes off the air. I cannot stress how much fun I had watching this match. This was amazing!

My Rating: *****

Cagematch Rating: 5.74

My Rating: 8/10

I feel I’m gonna get judged for the rating I’m giving this show, but fuck it. I think it was one of the best shows I’ve watched so far. Definitely the best In Your House so far. It may be a one match show, but at least all the lame parts of the show were the shortest. And besides, this show was less than 2 hours long. It’s not like it went too long. And extra points for the Austin promo, which set up one of the best feuds of his career. I think anything higher is a bit excessive, but I’m going to give this show a good pat on the back

Another Rumble PPV for Rumble season anyone? Because next time I’ll be watching Royal Rumble 1990.

 

[Chris]

That main event is one of my go to matches I love it so much

 

[Skyefire]

I'd rate that main event around a 4-4.5, never seen the rest of the show. I think I read that before the show Mankind came out and insulted the crowd so they wouldn't cheer him (since it's in Philadelphia, home of ECW).

I remember watching Raw the night after and Jim Ross saying that we have new Tag Team Champions and they have a new manager. I was expecting it to be Sunny since she had managed the Body Donnas until they lost the titles to the Godwins who she managed until they lost the titles to the Gunns, who she then managed. Turns out the new manager was Clarence Mason.

 

[Crocker]

WrestleMania XII

View attachment 77699

Match 1: Camp Cornette def. Yokozuna, Jake Roberts & Ahmed Johnson (12:51)

Dude, what the hell was Ahmed on during this match. The man looks lost this entire match man. Anyway, this was just an average opener. Nothing too good. The face team each takes a turn getting double teamed by the heel corner. Jake Roberts for whatever reason kicks out of Bulldog’s powerslam. Like… that just feels random. Why would they let him kick out of one of their finishers. Jake gets the hot tag to Yokozuna, who pummels Vader in the corner and knocks down Owen and Bulldog. Ahmed gets in to randomly hit Bulldog and then leaves. That’s what I mean, he seems so lost. Yoko tags Jake back in and a brawl breaks out between the two teams while Jake hits the DDT on Owen in the ring. Cornette gets in and tries to hit Jake with the tennis racket. But Jake hits him and sets up for the DDT. But Vader makes the save and then squashes Jake to get the win for his team.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Hollywood Backlot Brawl - Goldust vs. Roddy Piper ended in a no contest

So… what to say about this match… It starts out in a freaking alleyway, where Piper beats the piss out of Goldust for a few minutes. Goldust hits Piper with his car and then drives away. Piper gets into another car and chases Goldust. And then throughout the show, they play footage… of the actual OJ Simpson police chase and pass it off as Piper being chased while also saying “this footage looks familiar.” Honestly, this is what they should’ve done with Ambrose and Harper. Not a police chase, but just follow them as they fight throughout the city. It was a Chicago Street Fight after all. That would’ve been much better. We’ll come back to this later.

Match 3: Steve Austin def. Savio Vega (10:00)

These two had good chemistry but the match is hurt by the fact they have Piper on the phone and he talks about how he’s chasing this “fruitcake” down. Austin and Savio are able to put on a serviceable match with Austin wearing down Savio until Savio makes a big comeback and nearly beats Austin a couple times. But it’s all over for Savio after he accidentally spin kicks the referee. DiBiase slides the million dollar title in the ring and Austin hits Savio in the back of the head with it, not once but twice. He then puts him in the Million Dollar Dream as DiBiase throws a drink in the refs face to wake him up. The referee lifts and drops Savio’s arm 3 times and declares Austin the winner.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 4: Ultimate Warrior def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (1:36)

Despite what the main event was, I feel like this is a focal talking point for this show. Can you believe that the loser of this match is now in charge of creative? But for real though, I’ve never seen a bigger fuck you moment in all of wrestling then when Warrior got up immediately after Triple H’s pedigree. HHH didn’t even get up before Warrior! Warrior then lays into Hunter. Clotheslines, press slam, splash and it’s over. Like gah damn, this was even worse than I thought it’d be.

My Rating: DUD

Match 5: The Undertaker def. Diesel (16:46)

This match was solid, but that’s pretty much it. I think it goes on a little longer than it needed to. But still, I thought this was a nice match between the two. They make it a point to say that Diesel is Undertaker’s gravest challenge. And they’re not really wrong. Diesel beats the piss out of Undertaker in this match. Honestly to the point where Undertaker would’ve looked like Cena if Diesel’s cockiness didn’t get in the way. Diesel hits Undertaker with a Jackknife and takes his time covering him, taunting Undertaker. Undertaker gets up however and tries to make a comeback, but Diesel hits ANOTHER Jackknife on Taker. And he takes his sweet ass time covering Taker here. When he does go for the cover, Taker reaches up to grab him by the throat. He gets back on his feet and now he begins the comeback. He hits a flying clothesline, the Chokeslam and a Tombstone to go 5-0 at WrestleMania.

My Rating: ***

Goldust and Piper finally make it to the arena and go through the most awkward looking finish to any fight ever. This gets uncomfortably sexual. Goldust kisses Piper and then Hot Rod strips him down, revealing Goldust was wearing lingerie under his outfit, and Piper drops his knee into Goldust’s dick… and wins question mark?

Main Event: WWF Championship 60-Minute Ironman Match - Shawn Michaels def. Bret Hart (c) (1:01:52)

This might be the most divisive match in WWE history. On one hand, you have people who hated it for being “too long” and “too boring” and on the other you have people who love it for the wrestling and the story unfolding. Where do I stand. I think the former is underrating it and the latter is overrating it. It’s not the horrible garbage that people who hate it say it is. But I also wouldn’t put in the conversation for greatest match ever. The problem with this match and what weighs it down in my opinion is the first thirty minutes… For half an hour, they do almost nothing except limb work and rest holds and boy that shit gets old. It gets old really quick. They did one thing that stood out in the first thirty minutes where Shawn superkicks Tony Chimel because Bret was sitting on him and dodges out of the way. The last 30 minutes though is when they really start cooking. Shawn flies around the ring and damages Bret’s shoulder. But it comes back to bite him after Bret back drops Shawn over the top rope onto the floor. Bret then starts working a heel style in the match as he whoops Shawn’s ass and damages his back. He irish whips Shawn into the corner, and Shawn flies over, hitting Jose Lothario on the outside. Bret irish whips Shawn into Jose who was trying to recovers near the steps. And Bret is completely unapologetic about it, proving that not all Canadians are as polite as they say they are. Shawn begins a frantic, but exhausted comeback in the last 5 minutes. He comes off the top rope several times with axe handles, moonsaults, elbow drops and goes for a cover after each of them. We are down to the last minute in the match and neither man has gotten a fall, which is an aspect of the match some people hated because “whats the point of the Ironman stipulation!” Which I understand, but I actually love that part of this match. And besides, the Ironman stipulation is what makes this ending work. Bret gets Shawn in the Sharpshooter and Shawn hangs on while the crowd goes wild and Vince and Lawler are losing their minds on commentary. But Shawn lasts until the time limit runs out. The referee presents the title to Bret, who starts to leave. And imagine if this is the way WrestleMania ended. But no, Gorilla Monsoon says “not like that.” He whispers to the referee, who passes on the message to Howard Finkel, who announces that the match will continue under sudden death rules. There must be a winner. And Bret is pissed about this. He thought he was about to leave with his title and now he’s gonna take his anger out on Shawn. But Shawn gets an opening after he hits Bret with a superkick. Both men collapse on the mat totally exhausted. Both men get back up, very slowly. Bret approaches and gets another superkick and Shawn covers him to win and make the boyhood dream come true. That first half was bad but the last half hour, plus the overtime was a masterpiece in execution.

My Rating: ****1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.74

My Rating: 6/10

I'd say the only really bad part of the show is the squash match. But everything else below the main event was just meh. Speaking of the main event, it really felt like a match of two halves. The first half was nothing special but those last 30 minutes were so good that it's enough to carry it. So overall, I'd say this show is average. Just a nice 6 for it.

We're sticking with '96 and Shawn is still champion. Now he'll face his most deranged challenger yet. In Your House 10: Mind Games will be next.

You really rate the Iron Man that high? Apart from the last ten minutes I thought it was boring.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Jarf]

You really rate the Iron Man that high? Apart from the last ten minutes I thought it was boring.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I half agree with you. The first 30 minutes were boring, but the last 30 minutes they were cooking