SummerSlam 2017
Match 1: John Cena def. Baron Corbin (10:15)
Man, oh man, they made Corbin look like the biggest nerd on the planet, and if I cared about him at all at this time, I might have been upset by this. Corbin lost his MITB briefcase after a failed cash-in where gets very easily distracted by Cena so Jinder can roll him up. You can tell how much Cena isn't taking Corbin seriously as the first thing he does is go outside and wears JBL's hat. This was a boring way to start the show, which I guess is par for the course with Corbin. He wears down Cena for a while. Cena gets very little offense in this match and then he just wins, Corbin beat on him this whole match and Cena just hit like a few moves and just won with the AA. Corbin looked like the biggest loser on the beach.
My Rating: **
Match 2: SmackDown Women's Championship Match - Natalya def. Naomi (c) (11:10)
What a weird match this was. A women’s championship match in the mid-2010s that didn’t feature a member of the horsewomen or Alexa Bliss? Looking back on it, Naomi’s title reign was kinda pitiful. She lost a 6-women tag at Backlash, had a bad match at Money in the Bank, and didn’t even have a match at Battleground. Still though, this match was alright. Nattie wears down Naomi for a lot of it. Naomi gets her comeback in, and actually manages to escape the Sharpshooter the first time, but then she misses a split legged moonsault, allowing Nattie to put her back in the Sharpshooter to win the title.
My Rating: **1/2
Match 3: Singles Match with Enzo Amore suspended in a shark cage - Big Cass def. Big Show (10:30)
My sentiments match the crowd’s here. BORING! BORING! BORING! Real talk, why did this match need to go 10 minutes. You mean you couldn’t have done this lame angle in five? Big Show comes into this match with a broken hand and he hits the KO punch, but Cass is able to kick out. Enzo tries to get out of the cage, but can’t slide through. But thankfully, he just so happened to keep a small bottle of baby oil in his pants… wh-why? He lubes himself up before he slips through the bars, he drops down and immediately gets kicked in the face by Cass. Cass hits Big Show with a big boot, and that’s it…. No, Big Show kicks out. Why?! JUST TAKE IT HOME! Cass winds up another kick to Big Show to end the match. What a pointless finish. This fucking sucked.
My Rating: DUD
Match 4: Randy Orton def. Rusev (0:10)
The theme of tonight’s SummerSlam is making the new stars look like giant nerds. Congrats to Corbin for not looking like the biggest loser on this years SummerSlam. Rusev jumps Orton before the match starts and beats his ass around the ring for several minutes and when the referee rings the bell, Rusev goes to clothesline Randy, who ducks and RKO’s Rusev into the earth’s core to win in record time.
Match 5: Raw Women’s Championship Match - Sasha Banks def. Alexa Bliss (c) (13:10)
I think I bet on Alexa when this match happened, because they were in Brooklyn, and WWE seemed to hate letting people win in their hometown. This match is pretty on par with the other women’s title match of the night. It’s just okay. Alexa works over Sasha for most of the match and Sasha gets a come back in. Alexa hits a Twisted Bliss, but Sasha kicks out of it, and Alexa throws a temper tantrum, and that is what pretty much costs her. Sasha gets Alexa in the Bank Statement and Sasha wins the title for a 4th time! Hooray! Can she hold on to it for a while? Hell no! She has it for 8 days and loses it back to Alexa on Raw. Okay… but why though? Don’t get me wrong, Alexa was my crush for such a long time, to the point where my dad called her my wifey, so I’ll go to bat for Alexa all day… But why though?
My Rating: **1/2
Match 6: Finn Balor def. Bray Wyatt (10:50)
Now this is where the show starts to get good. I didn’t think this match would steal the show, but this was the one I was hyped for most. I fucking loved both these guys a lot at this time and Finn was going to come back as the demon. What wasn’t there to be excited about. I thought this was a solid match, and I think people think Bray looked like a pushover here. I disagree, I think he held his own fairly well even if he did make the WWE trademark shocked face when Finn kicked out. Finn gets an early sprint and overwhelms Bray early, but Bray’s craftiness keeps him in the fight. No particular spot stands out, but I thought that this was a solidly worked match. Finn hits a slingblade, a basement dropkick and finally, a Coup de Grace to win the match.
My Rating: ***1/4
Match 7: Raw Tag Team Championship Match - Seth Rollins & Dean Ambrose def. The Bar (c) (18:35)
With the guys involved, you knew this was going to be awesome, and damn what a match this was. Seth and Dean take the fight to The Bar early, causing them to regroup outside. Sheamus goes over to the opposite side of the ring and Brogue Kicks Dean, taking him out of the picture for a few minutes while the Bar double team Seth. While thats happening, some people in the crowd start playing with a beach ball, and this is the moment Cesaro won me over forever. Cesaro runs into the crowd, grabs that fucking beach ball and rips it to fucking shreds. Dean eventually gets back up on the apron and The Bar keep Seth away from him, but Dean decides he won’t stand by and leaps from the top rope onto the three men. He picks Seth back up and and throws him back in the ring. Seth makes the tag and the match gets really good. Some nice double teaming from Seth and Dean, including a spot where Dean superplexes Sheamus, and Seth follows that with a frog splash. As the match goes on, Dean gets put in a Sharpshooter by Cesaro, and he really wrenches on this thing! It’s sick. Sheamus hits a rolling senton on Seth on the outside. Cesaro transitions the Sharpshooter into a Crossface. Dean is able to reach the ropes and the finishing spot to this match is pure perfection. Cesaro and Sheamus are going for their celtic cross finisher, where Cesaro leaps off the ropes into Sheamus who has his opponent in the celtic cross position. Seth springboards onto the top rope with Cesaro and hits a hurricanrana! Cesaro hits Sheamus and rolls out. Seth hits a superkick, and a ripcord knee on Sheamus, who walks into a Dirty Deeds from Dean. 1, 2, 3. Awesome match! On most shows, that definitely would’ve stolen the show, but there is one later that ends up beating it.
My Rating: ****1/4
Match 8: United States Championship Match with Shane McMahon as Special Referee - AJ Styles (c) def. Kevin Owens (17:20)
My god, Shane was so sweaty. Holy shit. Man was breathing heavy 5 minutes into the match. This match definitely could’ve stolen the show, and they honestly could’ve if it hadn’t been for the overbooking of it. It’s a shame really. I wanted to rate this match higher ‘cause it was actually a really good match, but the ref shenanigans get old very quickly. Both men end up arguing with Shane at some point during this match, feeling like they should’ve won already. But it was a really nice back and forth these two had. At some point, Owens pulled Shane on top of him while AJ attempted a 450. Why Shane didn’t DQ Kevin right there, I don’t know, that was terribly blatant, but here Owens hits the first Pop-Up Powerbomb and AJ is able to kick out after Shane recovers. I love this one specific counter where AJ is going for a hurricanrana off the top rope, but Owens reverses it to get AJ in position for the Fisherman Buster! AJ hits a Styles Clash and Owens is able to kick out. He goes to finish it with a Phenomenal Forearm, but Owens dodges. AJ lands on his feet and rolls through. He runs towards Kevin who hits another Pop-Up Powerbomb. But AJ gets his foot on the bottom rope and Shane doesn’t notice it until he counts to three, but he immediately realizes his mistake and waves off the 3 count. Owens once again gets in Shane’s face. The finish to this match, AJ hits a Forearm and hits another Styles Clash to finish Owens off. Again, very good match, but it’s annoying that most of the attention was on the referee.
My Rating: ***3/4
Match 9: WWE Championship Match - Jinder Mahal (c) def. Shinsuke Nakamura (11:25)
This is fucking bullshit… This is fucking bullshit man. Nakamura was the hottest fucking thing in this company at this time. How fucking stupid does one have to be to fuck this up. If Jinder really had to retain here, don’t fucking feed Nakamura to him! I went into this match, with 100% certainty that Nakamura was winning. Why you may ask? “Because they aren’t that stupid” I told myself. As it turns out, Vince McMahon’s stupidity knows no bounds. And Gerald Brisco tried to shame us for celebrating Vince’s retirement. Blow it out your ass, you old fart. And the reason I’ve only ranted about this match so far, because the match itself was bad. I only remember one thing from this match and that’s the finish where they make Shinsuke look dumb as fuck, because he is easily distracted. They really just recycled the same finish to Jinder’s matches with Randy Orton, where Nakamura beats up the Singhs, Khallas. It’s over and I almost put my fucking head through the screen. Not only was Jinder Mahal still WWE champion, but they managed to make Nakamura, the hottest fucking thing going at the time, look like a dumbass and ended his undefeated streak on the main roster. Fuck this match with absolutely no lube! We’re going in raw to fuck this fucking match!
My Rating: *1/2
Main Event: Universal Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - Brock Lesnar (c) def. Roman Reigns, Braun Strowman & Samoa Joe (20:45)
The first time I watched this match, I was unimpressed, not gonna lie… but that’s probably due to the fact I was fuming over the last match. Watching it now, I can safely say that this fucking ruled! This absolutely stole the show and this match was what it needed to be. A colossal battle between 4 titans. Just chaos from start to finish. I’m just gonna go down the list of things that stood out to me the most since they did so much in this match! Samoa Joe puts the Coquina Clutch on Brock on the outside, Joe lets go just before Roman reaches them and spears Brock through the barricade. I like that Joe learned his lesson from the last time that happened. Braun tosses a chair at Roman and Joe. Braun fucking manhandles Brock and puts him through 2 tables and drops a third one on top of him. Brock gets taken out on a stretcher. Roman hits Braun in the head (legit) with the steel steps which looked awful. Braun gets cut from that, I don’t know if Roman hit him in the ear or not, but either way, that fucking hurt for sure. Braun double spears Roman and Joe and Brock comes back out, tackles Braun and lays into him with punches! The all pretty much hit their finishers, except for Brock and there’s near falls for days. Braun hits a Running Powerslam on Roman, but Brock breaks it up. Braun picks Brock up to him with one, but Roman spears Braun. Joe comes back in and throws Roman out. Joe puts the Clutch back on Lesnar, but Brock turns that into an F5. He hits it and goes for the cover, but Roman breaks it up. Roman hits 3 superman punches on Brock, and goes for a Spear, but Brock picks him up out of it and hits an F5 to retain the title. What a fucking match! Honestly, I think the match peaked in the first 10 minutes, but that doesn’t mean the rest of the match wasn’t a banger. Fucking great stuff!
My Rating: ****1/2
Cagematch Rating: 5.63
My Rating: 5.5/10
This show had some very exciting, very great matches on it. But overall, this show was fucking awful. Those 3 matches, (you know which ones) save this show from scoring much, MUCH lower. And as far as terrible booking decisions go, Jinder going over Shinsuke on this show doesn’t get talked about enough. If WWE really must have kept the title on Jinder (They didn’t), then they shouldn’t have fed the hottest thing going, the undefeated Nakamura to him. Aside from Bray Wyatt, I don’t think Vince has ever fumbled somebody as hard (at least in the modern WWE), as Nakamura.
Okay, so this next show has just gotten a lower rating than the one I just watched, so ignore the fact that it’s rating will be lower. It’s the show that seems insignificant, but was the start of something legendary… even if it has jumped the shark. Payback 2020. The first pandemic era PPV.