Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 1993

Match 1: Razor Ramon def. Ted DiBiase (7:32)

Quick and forgettable match. Not bad though. Razor was now a babyface and taking on the million dollar man in what I believe was his last PPV match in WWF. DiBiase wears down Razor for a while but it doesn’t drag on. The match is actually longer than I thought it was. DiBiase exposes the turnbuckle and tries to ram Razor’s face into it, but Razor reverses it and rams DiBiase’s face into it instead. Razor picks DiBiase up for a Razor’s Edge and makes quick work of Ted Sr.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - The Steiner Brothers (c) def. The Heavenly Bodies (9:28)

Being in the Steiner’s homestate, the crowd was firmly behind them. The Bodies jump The Steiners before they can get their jackets off. But the Steiners quickly turn things around and toss them around, but the Bodies turn things around again in their favor with a nice double team where Jimmy slid between Scott’s legs while Prichard hit a bulldog on him. The Bodies isolate Scott for a few minutes, and just for a right amount of time. Scott makes the hot tag to Rick, who goes buck wild on the challengers. Cornette throws his tennis racket to Jimmy who, hits Rick with it, and gets a two count. Scott comes back in and hits a Frankensteiner on Prichard and Rick covers him for the Steiners to retain. Really good match.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Shawn Michaels (c) def. Mr. Perfect via countout (11:20)

Ah yes, the first thing on this show that annoyed me. It won’t be the last though for sure. Good match, but disappointing given that the guys in the match are 2 of the best to ever do it. This should’ve been better but they never clicked for some reason. The first half of the match, Perfect outwrestles Shawn, but the tide turns after they go outside and Diesel is standing at ringside. Perfect gets distracted by the big man, and turns around into a Superkick which wasn’t his finisher yet I guess. Shawn works over Perfect’s back which has had problems before. I think Perfect hurts his back again, because Shawn jumps and sits right on it and Perfect audibly yells “GOD DAMMIT!” Perfect makes a brief comeback and the pace begins to pick up and it looks like they’re going to get the gears going. But Perfect hits a Perfect Plex, but gets pulled out of the ring by Diesel. Perfect hits Diesel with punches and Shawn follows him out. Perfect hits Shawn and throws him back in while Diesel throws Perfect into the steel steps while the referee’s back is turned. Perfect gets counted out… Are you serious? What a lame finish.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 4: I.R.S. def. 1-2-3 Kid (5:44)

The Kid does a pre-match interview before this match, and I don’t know why they did this to the poor guy, because he had no idea how to talk. And I get he has to get used to talking on screen, but he was so nervous. This is an eh match. Irwin wears down The Kid for a lot of this match, and I don’t remember the Kid getting a whole lot of offense in other than a pop-up dropkick. I.R.S. beats The Kid with a lariat.

My Rating: **

Match 5: Bret Hart def. Doink the Clown via DQ (9:05)

Originally supposed to be Bret vs Lawler, but Lawler comes out on crutches and an ice pack on his knee, and says he isn’t medically cleared, and found a replacement. His “court jester” since who knows when I suppose. Bret and Doink go on to have an okay match, but I can’t say I remember too much from it, aside from Doink jumping off the top rope and Bret’s knees hitting his gooch. Bret puts Doink in the Sharpshooter, but Jerry Lawler gets in and hits Bret with his crutch! He was faking the whole time?! THAT SON OF A BITCH! BAH GAWD! But… is it over?! NO NOT YET! (boom boom)

My Rating: **3/4

As Jerry Lawler is going to the back, he’s stopped by Jack Tunney, who goes down to Howard Finkel and has him make the announcement that if Lawler doesn’t go to the ring to wrestle Bret Hart, he will be banished from WWF for life, kinda making me wish he had ran away. But Bret hits him and drags him to the ring and proceeds to layeth the smackdown on his candy ass!

Match 6: Jerry Lawler def. Bret Hart via DQ (6:32)

There was a couple times in this match where they should’ve been DQ’d. Because both of them blatantly use the crutches in front of the referee. Have to say though, while the match itself isn’t all that great, this part of the show was entertaining. Now you might think I’m annoyed by the DQ finish, and to an extent because of how many non-finishes were on this show, sure. But I also think it makes a ton of sense. Bret basically schools Lawler for the most part, he drops the straps like he’s 2006 Kurt Angle. He wants to fuck Lawler up. And he does, because he puts Lawler in the Sharpshooter and Lawler gives up… and Bret does not let go for the next 3 or so minutes. 5 different referees run out to try and get Bret off. One of them pulls on his hair at one point and Bret will not let go. Soon enough, there’s like 12 other people in the ring, and Bret’s brothers, Bruce and Owen get in and they talk Bret into letting go. But Finkel announces that the referee has reversed the decision in Lawler’s favor because of Bret’s refusal to let go of the hold. This is ironically similar to Lawler’s match with Cole at WrestleMania, but this DQ was better because people gave a shit about this and they didn’t spend 14 minutes putting on one of the most atrocious matches ever. Good way to get heat on Lawler while making Bret look good. It isn’t the best match of the night, but it’s certainly the most sports entertaining match of the night.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 7: Ludvig Borga def. Marty Jannetty (5:15)

Just a couple months ago, Marty Jannetty was the Intercontinental Champion and now he’s getting squashed on PPV. Ludvig just pummels Marty for 5 minutes, including a sick pop up where Ludvig punches Jannetty on the way down. Marty gets a handful of shots in and thats it. Marty comes off the top rope and Ludvig catches him, puts him in a Torture Rack and that’s it.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 8: Rest in Peace Match - The Undertaker def. Giant Gonzalez (8:04)

Hello, Giant Gonzalez, no I didn’t miss you… Fuck man, why would they continue this feud? After the shitshow that they had at WrestleMania, why would they keep this going? Rest in Peace Match is basically a No DQ Match, just to clear up any possible confusion. I think WWF really missed out on doing an Undertaker and Doink feud at this time. Now that sounds interesting to me. Undertaker fighting ‘big man #743’ isn’t interesting to me. Now I don’t know what went down here since Mania, but Undertaker comes out alone and Harvey Wippleman has the urn so clearly some shit has happened since WrestleMania. Giant is pummeling Taker much like he did at Mania, and then Paul Bearer comes out and Vince and Heenan on commentary can’t believe it. Like they never thought they’d see him again. What did they do to Paul Bearer? Did they encase him in cement or trap him in a meat locker or something? Anyway, Paul Bearer lays the smackdown on Harvey’s candy ass which was the most entertaining part of the match. Then grabs the urn and gives The Undertaker the strength to finish this… with a top rope clothesline and Taker crosses Gonzalez’ arms and wins the match, hopefully ending this feud but I wouldn’t be shocked if they had these two run it back on Raw or Superstars or whatever.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 9: Tatanka & The Smoking Gunns def. Bam Bam Bigelow & The Headshrinkers (11:15)

The best match of the night surprisingly goes to this match. I say surprisingly but Bam Bam rules. I just wasn’t expecting much from it, and the first half of the match isn’t much to be honest. They isolate Bart Gunn from his corner for a few minutes, and Tatanka gets the tag. He goes wild on Bam Bam for a while, but while Tatanka is doing his skipping around the ring, Bam Bam kicks him in the back of the head, making me laugh. He said “get that shit outta here.” Soon enough, a big brawl breaks out between all 6 men, but the Gunns get sent outside while Tatanka gets a headbutt from all sides by the heels. They then attempt a triple headbutt from the top rope, but Tatanka moves and all 3 crash and burn to the mat. The Gunns run back in and clothesline Bam Bam and Fatu over the ropes while Tatanka rolls up Samu from behind to get the win here. Really good stuff.

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Lex Luger def. Yokozuna (c) via countout (17:58)

Holy fuck, WWF really were in desperate want (I’d say need but they didn’t need it) of a new Hulk Hogan. The Luger propaganda was so crazy. It’s really funny to me that before Hogan left the company, Luger was a heel. Once Hogan’s gone, Lex Luger is suddenly a babyface and “a great american hero.” And here he was representing ‘Merica against the Japanese and definitely not Samoan, Yokozuna. In all seriousness though, I can buy into Yokozuna being a Japanese man more than I can buy Lex Luger being a great american hero. The match itself doesn’t start off that bad. It gets off to a solid start, it’s back and forth, there’s good action. It actually is looking like they’re gonna pull off one of those “should be crap but was good” matches… But they gave this match 18 minutes, and Yokozuna is blown the fuck up after 10 minutes… so the match really starts to drag on. Yokozuna attempts a Banzai Drop which Luger rolls out of the way of, and Yoko lands right on his ass and I know that hurt. They close up on Yoko’s face and jesus christ, he is sweating and breathing so heavily. Lex starts to come back or “Lex Up” as my stepdad called it. And this finish… This finish… if I didn’t know any better, I’d say it was booked this way to piss me off, because this finish was so stupid… But it was stupid enough that it was funny. There’s just something so funny about things that are so stupid but was written with the intention of being taken seriously. Lex hits Yokozuna with a Forearm… Yoko gets counted out. And Luger celebrates like he accomplished something. He doesn’t celebrate like he won the title, he celebrates like he just saved the human race from an alien invasion. Like imagine if at the end of Avengers Endgame, Thanos retreated, got away with the Infinity Gauntlet, but the Avengers celebrate like they won. Even though Thanos still has the thing can end all life at any time he wants to. This might be the worst, but funniest ending to any wrestling PPV in history. A bunch of guys come out, lift Luger on their shoulders, as confetti and balloons rain from the ceiling and he waves the American flag around. Congratulations, Luger, you just got your ass kicked for the better part of 18 minutes for nothing. Dumbass, LOL.

My Rating: **1/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.19

My Rating: 4/10

Even though there were good matches on this show, I don’t think I can sit here with a straight face and give it anything higher than a 4. That ending made me laugh but I can imagine there was some people who bought this show at the time and came away from it thinking “what a waste of money.” There were 4 non-finishes on this show. 2 countouts and 2 DQs, even though I do think the Bret/Lawler DQ finish was good. Giant Gonzalez wrestled… that is all. Definitely think this has to be the worst SummerSlam I’ve seen so far, and I think it may be tough to beat in that respective.

Moving forward to 2007, with a show with a star-studded main event. No Way Out 2007.

 

[Jarf]

No Way Out 2007

Kudos to Michael Cole, for one, calling this show with a sore throat, and two putting up with JBL all night.

Match 1: Chris Benoit & The Hardy Boyz def. MVP & MNM (14:25)

This is going to be happening a lot on this show. This is a SmackDown “exclusive” PPV, yet there were 6 people from different brands on the show, with Jeff Hardy and Johnny Nitro being on Raw. Solid way to get the show started, but it’s quite slow. Not many memorable things about this apart from the end. MVP & MNM isolate Jeff from his corner, Jeff eventually makes the tag to Matt, who comes in and briefly makes them bump and feed, but then he gets taken down too and now they wear him down. But Matt tags Benoit in and the pace picks up. He double German Suplexes MNM. He hits a Diving Headbutt on Mercury for a 2 count broken up by Nitro. MVP tries to bring the US title into the ring and tries to hit Benoit with it, but Benoit catches MVP’s arm and brings him down to put him in a Crossface. Everyone eventually gets back in, Matt Hardy saves Benoit from a Snapshot… sort of. Benoit gets Mercury in the Crossface to make him tap out.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Cruiserweight Championship Open - Chavo Guerrero won by last eliminating Jimmy Wang Yang (15:56)

One of the few times WWE let the Cruiserweights do what they do best. This is like a Gauntlet Match, you beat one guy, another comes out. Match starts with Scotty 2 Hotty and Daivari. Scotty beats Daivari, and then the champion who has held it since Royal Rumble the previous year, Gregory Helms comes out and he eliminates Scotty. Next is Funaki, who goes for a crossbody, but Helms rolls through it and reverses the pin to eliminate Funaki in quick fashion. Next is Shannon Moore, Helms’ former partner in 3 Count. Helms takes him out and out comes Jimmy Wang Yang. And surprisingly, Jimmy eliminates Helms with a hurricanrana. Helms hits the Eye of the Hurricane on Yang, out of frustration, and out runs Jamie Noble who tries to pick the bones. So now we’re guaranteed a new champion. Yang and Noble have nice mini match for a couple minutes. Yang throws Noble off a suplex from the top, before he turns and hits a Moonsault on a standing Noble to eliminate him. Jimmy thinks he’s won, but Chavo’s music plays and he’s apparently a surprise entrant. Again, nice mini match at the end here. Yang tries to survive against the fresh Chavo. Yang attempts a Moonsault, but Chavo moves out of the way, and then hits a Frog Splash to Yang’s back to win the Cruiserweight Title.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 3: Finlay & Little Bastard def. The Boogeyman & Little Boogeyman (6:54)

Before he was Hornswoggle, he was simply, Little Bastard. That’s how they announce him to the ring. JBL on commentary hilariously says “he’s not a little bastard. He has parents, his parents are not ‘Mr. and Mrs. Bastard’. Made me lose my shit. Anyway, it’s a bonafide comedy match without the comedy. Hornswoggle is afraid of Little Boogeyman, and hides under the ring for most of the match. Ironically, Little Boogeyman does most of the work for his team. The match ends after Big Boogey (as Michael Cole called him) chases Hornswoggle into the crowd, and Finlay hits LIttle Boogey in the ring with the shillelagh.

My Rating: *

Match 4: Kane def. King Booker (12:41)

A match happening just to give these guys something to do. Weirdly enough, a back and forth match. I don’t think either of them really had the match going in their favor until the end. The pace is slow too, as you could expect from a Kane match. There is one spot in the match I thought was cool. Kane tried to hit his clothesline from the top rope and Booker countered with the side kick. JBL starts going on an unhinged rant about Kane after Kane did more than 10 punches in the corner. Booker tries to hit the Scissors Kick, but Kane moves and hits a Chokeslam to win the match.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Paul London & Brian Kendrick (c) def. Deuce & Domino (8:20)

Honestly, looking back on it, it kinda bugs me that London and Kendrick didn’t get on the WrestleMania card this year after carrying the Tag division for nearly a year. This was pretty much a filler match. London and Kendrick use speed and teamwork to throw Deuce and Domino off early, but the challengers take control for a few minutes, until Kendrick gets tagged in. Deuce or Domino (couldn’t tell you which one) picks Kendrick up on his shoulders while the other gets on the top rope, London distracts him, before he’s kicked down. The one on the rope leaps, Kendrick victory rolls the other one to retain the Tag Titles.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: ECW Championship Match - Mr. Kennedy def. Bobby Lashley (c) via DQ (16:29)

One word. Boring. That wouldn’t be so bad if it was less than 10 minutes, but this just dragged on. Not a whole lot to remember from this match because Kennedy works over Lashley’s leg for a while, which was smart, but he does it for so long. Kennedy eventually gets angry and brings a chair into the ring. He hits Lashley in the back with it, while the referee isn’t looking. But when the referee is looking, all he sees is Lashley retaliating and hitting Kennedy with a chair, causing a DQ finish… Ya know, if you don’t plan on creating any interesting stories from it, or plan on having either guy lose. DON’T BOOK THE MATCH! Simple solution!

My Rating: *1/4

Main Event: John Cena & Shawn Michaels def. Batista & The Undertaker (22:12)

Very interesting idea this was. Batista and Undertaker were going to fight at WrestleMania for the World Heavyweight Title, and Cena and Michaels were going to fight at Mania for the WWE Title. So WWE said… “CAN THEY COEXIST!” And until the end of the match, yes. Yes, they could. But I can understand why they’ve yet to do something like this since then. It’s not exactly ideal to undermine one of your big matches by having them lose to the other big match. But they had a perfect solution to that too. I found myself really liking this. It wasn’t the traditional tag team match with any tag team moves or anything, but the star power in this match, especially at this time was insane. Shawn and Taker have amazing chemistry as always. Shawn gets isolated for a while, but he tags Cena in, his comeback gets shut down by Batista, who picks him up for a Batista Bomb, but Shawn chops his knee out. So now, Cena and Shawn have the Animal grounded. Batista gets cut open at some point, Batista eventually makes the tag to Undertaker, who lays into Cena and Shawn. He grips them both by the throats, before he throws Shawn into a Spinebuster from Batista. Undertaker Chokeslams Cena. Undertaker looks at Batista, and slashes his throat. And Batista said “oh, it’s like that is it?” He turns Undertaker around and hits him with a Spinebuster and leaves the ring. Leaving Undertaker to get Superkicked by Shawn, and then FU’d by Cena. Cena and Shawn win. That was probably the best way that match could’ve ended. You give one team a win without making the other team look worse and lowering anticipation for their match, if anything, you’ve heightened the excitement. Also, at this point in the show, Michael Cole had pretty much lost his voice, so JBL had to call this whole match by himself, and he did a hell of a job, even if he had been obnoxious in every other match that night.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 5.20

My Rating: 5.5/10

Great main event, but the undercard, while I wouldn’t call it shit, was lackluster as hell. They put all their cards into the main event being spectacular. And the fact that they had to have 6 people from other shows on a SmackDown PPV, shows how much they thought of SmackDown at this point.

I may need some booze to get through the next show… SummerSlam 2010… This is when Super Cena had reached his peak ridiculousness.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 2010

Wow, this was even worse than I expected it to be.

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Kofi Kingston ended in a no contest (7:05)

An okay opener. We start off with almost a concussion immediately because less than 20 seconds into the match and Kofi goes for an suicide dive and Dolph moves out of the way. From this point, Dolph works on Kofi’s neck until Kofi begins making the comeback. Kofi attempts a Trouble in Paradise, which Dolph dodges and puts Kofi in the Sleeper Hold and has the match in hand, until the Nexus run out and jump both of them. They throw Dolph out and beat up Kofi.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 2: Divas Championship Match - Melina def. Alicia Fox (c) (5:25)

With the Nexus burial at the front of my mind, I totally forgot that this show is also historical for having Cameron’s favorite match on it! I can totally see how it would be, what with the sloppiness of Alicia Fox. This match wasn’t very good. Melina gets kayfabe injured and hurts her knee at some point, and it never comes into play. Alicia works on Melina shortly but Melina eventually puts her away to take the title. And Cameron falls in love with wrestling.

My Rating: *

Match 3: 3-on-1 Handicap Match - Big Show def. The Straight Edge Society (6:50)

I forgot that there were 2 burials on this show. Big Show jabronis the SES. They never recovered from this. The story is that Big Show is going into the match with a broken hand, except no he’s not. The SES don’t even need to tag in and out either, which makes their loss even worse. Big Show tosses them around for the first couple minutes. The SES momentarily have Big Show on the ropes, but it doesn’t last. Punk runs away while Big Show Chokeslams Gallows and then Mercury onto Gallows. Big Show wins. Yay I guess.

My Rating: *1/2

After that, The Miz comes out and cuts a long winded promo talking about how Team WWE begged him to be a part of their team for the main event. And when I say long winded, I mean LONG winded. Like, putting me to goddamn sleep here Miz. That may be because it was midnight at that point, but fuck he says so much and still says nothing. And he says he will be part of Team WWE… That’s what he thinks.

Match 4: WWE Championship Match - Randy Orton def. Sheamus (c) via DQ (18:55)

I think I was 11 at this point and goddamn, I thought Orton was the coolest motherfucker back then. Anyway, solid match, but it’s pretty boring. Orton starts out hot, but Sheamus takes control after throwing Orton into the steel steps, shoulder first. Sheamus spends a portion of the match working over that shoulder. There’s a point where Sheamus throws Orton into the barricade, and Orton gets a thousand yard stare after he hits it. Eventually, Orton starts to come back and starts “going to that place”. He attempts an RKO twice and Sheamus throws him off twice. The second time, Orton bounces off the ropes and comes back to get a Brogue Kick! Orton kicks out. So Sheamus goes outside, grabs a chair and the referee tries to take it from him and Sheamus throws him out of the ring and gets DQ’d. The match was just starting to get good so that’s a shame. Orton recovers, dodges a chair shot and cup checks Sheamus. Sheamus falls outside and Orton goes out and RKOs him on the announce table.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Kane (c) def. Rey Mysterio (13:25)

The story in this match is that Kane wants to put Rey Mysterio in a casket for attacking his brother and putting him in vegetative state. Which spoiler alert, we find out after the match it was actually Kane. But can I just say, if Kane wanted to point the blame on anybody else, why Rey Mysterio of all people? Not only is Rey much smaller than Undertaker which makes it hard to believe he could do that to him even if he wanted to, but Rey is also one of the babiest babyfaces of all time. The only time Rey has ever been a heel was in a video game. Not the brightest move on Kane’s part is all I’m saying. Alright match, but nothing solid or anything. The clashing of styles is nice at least though. Kane obviously picks apart Rey for a lot of this match. And like the last match it doesn’t start getting good until the end. Rey begins to make the comeback. He finds his opening after Kane comes off the top rope and hurts his knee, and Rey hits a DESTINOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO on Kane. Rey springboards off the top rope and dropkicks Kane into the second rope. Rey attempts a 619, but Kane catches Rey by the throat and hits a Chokeslam to retain his title.

My Rating: **3/4

After the match, Kane puts the finishing touches on Rey with 2 Chokeslams and a Tombstone. Kane opens up the casket he brought out with him and there was an elderly man in there the whole time, unbelievable! Oh wait, its the Undertaker. Man, he does not look good here. Which I guess was kinda the point. He gets in Rey’s face, picks Rey up by the throat. Throat slashes and then turns to face Kane. Undertaker goosles Kane, but Kane goosles him back before Tombstoning him. I can’t believe Kane would do such a thing to a senior citizen…. Actually I can believe it.

Main Event: 14-Man Elimination Tag Team Match - Team WWE (John Cena, Daniel Bryan, Edge, Chris Jericho, Bret Hart, R-Truth & John Morrison) def. The Nexus (35:20)

First of all, the best part of this evening, Daniel Bryan is back! The Miz comes out to be part of the team and Cena tells him to get bent and then brings out D-Bry. Bryan comes down and he is the first guy in the ring to start the brawl which was awesome! Bryan starts the match with Darren Young and he eliminates him in the first minute of the match. Michael Tarver comes in, and he is eliminated next by John Morrison. Then Skip Sheffield, who would later become Ryback, gets in and he tosses Morrison around for a few minutes before eliminating him with a Lariet. R-Truth comes in and he gets taken out too. Heath Slater comes in and Bret Hart gets tagged in. And man, I can’t help but think that this match would be so much better if Bret was in his prime. Bret puts Slater in the Sharpshooter, but Wade Barrett throws a chair into the ring, and Bret lets go. Bret grabs the chair while Slater tags in Sheffield, who gets leveled with the chair by Bret. And Bret Hart is DQ’d because he can’t take bumps. But Edge, the Ultimate Opportunist comes in and Spears Sheffield to take him out. And we’re even again. David Otunga wants tagged in once Edge is down, but then Edge DDT’s him a moment later. Edge tags in Jericho, who puts Otunga in the Walls of Jericho to make him tap out. Heath Slater comes in and gets thrown around by Jericho. Jericho hits a Lionsault. He attempts to hit Slater, but hits Cena on the apron, then proceeds to blame Cena for standing where he was supposed to be and gets eliminated by Slater after the latter hits some sort of… “WHAT A MANEUVER!” Edge and Cena try to come in at the same time, and argue about who’s going to be in, which of course they do, because why wouldn’t they? I didn’t know I was watching Survivor Series yet. I get that Cena and Edge canonically have never been best friends… but this argument makes no sense, especially because Cena hadn’t been in the match yet and it makes more sense for him to get in. Cena relents and allows Edge to get in, and guess what, a moment later, Edge gets rolled up by Slater. Edge Spears Cena off the apron, and Jericho kicks Cena in the gut for good measure. Even though it was entirely their faults they got eliminated. Cena comes in and gets ganged up on by the 3 remaining Nexus members before he tags in Daniel Bryan who reinjects some life into this match! Bryan goes absolutely bonkers! He completely overwhelms Slater, before he kicks Barrett and Gabriel off the apron. Slater rolls him up, but Bryan turns it into a Lebell Lock to eliminate Slater. Bryan is telling the other two to get in, but while the referee is getting Slater out of the ring, The Miz runs down and hits Bryan in the back of the head with the Money in the Bank Briefcase. Barrett comes in and pins Bryan out of the match. Then Barrett and Gabriel toy with Cena… oh boy… oh boy, do they fuck Cena up here…. There’s no possible way Cena can overcome these odds. Not after a DDT on a concrete floor. No way Cena can overcome a 2-on-1 situation. There’s no way John Cena can possibly win this by himself after having his brains splattered on the floor like what they did to him here. Little do they know however, John Cena has the power of god and anime on his side! Cena dodges a 450 Splash from Gabriel and pins him. Barrett comes in and gets put in the STF and Cena forces him to tap out. John Cena wins through the power of friendship!

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.23

My Rating: 4.5/10

Remarkably, I had almost no fun watching this show. The main event was good, and that ending is just funny to look back on now, but at the time. Holy shit what were they thinking not putting The Nexus over. It didn’t matter what they did from this point, no one were going to take them as a group seriously. Wade Barrett on his own, maybe, but The Nexus as a whole were pretty much dead from this point. Edge, Jericho and even Cena himself admitted that this was the wrong move. But Vince wanted Cena to go over and that was that. Wade Barrett was under the impression they were going over until the day of SummerSlam. Funny enough, as if to atone for what he did here, Cena then lost at the next 6 SummerSlams.

Next time, I’ll see you This Tuesday in Texas.

 

[Skyefire]

2009-2010 was when I no longer had cable and couldn't watch Raw, so I was occasionally buying a few PPVs on DVD and this was one of them. I remember The Miz's promo was one of two PPV promos in the latter half of 2010 mentioning LeBron James after James did his whole TV special to announce what team he was signing with. This PPV being in Los Angeles he put down the Lakers because LeBron didn't choose them. Another PPV later in the year was in Miami and Miz, being a Cleveland native cut a scathing heel promo saying that Miami would never win the NBA title with LeBron. (Boy did he look foolish)

And when you look at the WWE PPVs for the second half of 2010 the only one that Cena wasn't involved in in some fashion was Hell in a Cell where Undertaker vs Kane main evented. In two of those the WWE Championship was a separate match (Orton vs Sheamus at Summerslam and Miz vs Orton and TLC), while in two others the main event was a WWE Championship Match but Cena wasn't wrestling (Orton vs Barrett at Bragging Rights with Cena in Barrett's corner and Orton vs Barrett again at Survivor Series with Cena as the referee and in those two cases there was a lot of emphasis on the Cena/Nexus angle).

 

[Jarf]

This Tuesday in Texas (1991)

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Bret Hart (c) def. Skinner (13:46)

Solid opener here. I wasn’t expecting much from a Skinner match, but I have to say he did pretty well for himself here. Of course, most of this match is carried by Bret. Skinner throws Bret’s shoulder into the ring post and works over Bret’s shoulder. Unfortunately, he can’t keep his limb work consistent and starts going over the legs. Bret eventually starts to come back and the crowd begins to get hyped up. Bret throws Skinner off the top rope and puts him in the Sharpshooter to put an end to the match and also Skinner’s undefeated streak. Yes, Skinner apparently had an undefeated streak.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Randy Savage def. Jake Roberts (6:25)

Savage jumps Jake during his entrance and the match is a straight up fight from the beginning. Roberts eventually works on Savage’s forearm which is taped up after the snake bite segment. Savage’s arm starts bleeding which is probably a good thing I could imagine. Jake works over that forearm, and tries to hit a DDT, but Savage comes back and hits an Elbow Drop from the top rope to win the match. Now I’ll tell you, this post match takes even longer than the match did. Good way to make Jake look like a bastard but man did it drag on. He hits 2 DDTs on Savage, and Elizabeth runs down. Jake makes Elizabeth beg to stop, which she does. Jake hits another DDT on Savage, before he grabs her by the hair and slaps her across the face! And I think it’s a shame we never got a satisfying end to this feud. This could’ve been one of the best feuds in company history because we all know Savage is a crazy man. The vengeance he should’ve brought to Roberts should’ve been a satisfying conclusion. Savage cuts a promo later in the show saying he’s gonna get Roberts. And yes, he should’ve!

My Rating: ***

Match 3: British Bulldog def. The Warlord (12:45)

Fun fact for you, Bulldog and Warlord fought each other on every WWF PPV in 1991. And that sucks because this sucked. They were really relying on their physique to wow the crowd because clearly nothing else was gonna. There is a point in the match where Warlord has Bulldog in a Full Nelson for an unbearable amount of time! You remember Kane choking Big Show at King of the Ring ‘99 for an awful amount of time. Warlord Full Nelsons Bulldog for just as long, maybe even longer. But its worse by the fact that this wasn’t because of a mistake, they planned this. Warlord dominates a lot of the match and Bulldog hardly gets any offense in, and just wins at the end with a Powerslam. What snoozefest that was.

My Rating: *

Match 4: Ted DiBiase & Repo Man def. Virgil & El Matador (11:28)

Match starts with Tito and Smash, but soon enough, DiBiase gets tagged in and he wants Virgil. So Virgil gets tagged in and he and DiBiase go at it for a short while. DiBiase and Repo Man pretty much outclass them here. Working smarter. They work over El Matador for a while, but Virgil gets tagged in and all 4 guys start brawling in the ring. DiBiase holds Virgil for Sherri to hit him with her shoe, but she misses and hits DiBiase. But of all moves to end the match, Repo Man kicks Virgil down and DiBiase pins him to win the match. What a nerd Virgil is.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Hulk Hogan def. The Undertaker (c) (13:09)

Yes, Undertaker was a transitional champion from Hulk Hogan to Hulk Hogan. The only reason for the match at Survivor Series to happen was to do it again at this show. Cool right? There’s only a 6 day gap between those 2 shows by the way. This was almost better than their first match. But its clear that Hogan and Taker have no chemistry at all. They mess up some spots and it looks like there’s some clear miscommunication between them. Hogan puts up more of a fight here than he did at Survivor Series because he has the power of the Hulkamaniacs on his side, brother! I’ll give them credit, they at least try to protect Taker a little bit. I know, weird in a Hulk Hogan match. Flair runs down and Jack Tunney is standing there to get in his face. Hogan grabs a chair and hits Flair in the back with it. The match goes on a bit longer before Flair gets back up and grabs the chair and gets on the apron with it. Undertaker goes to throw Hogan into it, but Hogan throws Taker off and pushes him face first into the chair. Paul Bearer gets on the apron now with the urn and Hogan punches him off, causing Paul to drop the urn in the ring. Hogan takes the lid off the urn and dumps the ashes of whoever was in it out and throws it in Taker’s eyes. Then Hogan rolls Undertaker up from behind to win back they title. It’s business as usual… sort of. Because Hogan is stripped of the title a few days later, and it leads to Royal Rumble ‘92.

My Rating: *3/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.25

My Rating: 3/10

This just feels like a house show. Only 2 matches on the show matter, that being Savage and Roberts and the main event. Everything else is irrelevant. Fun fact here, they did Ric Flair vs Roddy Piper before the show even aired. And to that I ask, why the hell wouldn’t you do that match on the PPV airing you sons of bitches?! That sounds so much better than anything else that happened here.

Next we’re going back to SummerSlam. And I mean all the way back because it’ll be the first ever SummerSlam in 1988.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 1988

I legitimately forget this show takes place in Madison Square Garden, because most WWF shows at this point that took place in MSG, had real dark lighting, with hard camera pointing away from the entrance way. This arena was lit up and had hard camera to the right of the entrance way.

Match 1: The British Bulldogs vs. The Fabulous Rougeaus ended in a time limit draw (20:00)

Best match of the night starts the night. The time limit draw was unnecessary, but this was pretty normal back then. The Bulldogs start off hot, but with some shenanigans, The Rougeaus take control and work over Davey Boy’s leg for a few minutes, until Davey Boy does a standing monkey flip to Raymond and tags in Dynamite who goes wild until he gets back drop from the second rope by Jacques. From there, they work over Dynamite for a while, but Dynamite inevitably makes the tag to Davey. Davey Boy picks up Jacques in a military press and drops him crotch first on the top rope. Raymond and Dynamite get in and the match begins to pick up. Sadly though, just as the match is starting to get really good, it ends. Davey Boy picks Dynamite up in a military press and drops him for a headbutt on Jacques and the time limit expires. Very good match though. I’m surprised they were able to fill in 20 minutes without it getting too much of a hassle to watch.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 2: Bad News Brown def. Ken Patera (6:33)

So we go from the best match to the worst match. This was boring, these two had no chemistry. Bad News starts in control, beating up Ken. But Ken fights back and puts him in the most boring submission in wrestling history, the bear hug. He tries to put on a full nelson, but Bad News breaks out of that. Ken whips Bad News into the corner and charges at him, but Bad News dodges, and Ken’s shoulder hits the steel post. Bad News then hits the kick to the back of the head to win.

My Rating: *

Match 3: Rick Rude def. Junkyard Dog via DQ (6:18)

Another boring match. And it has no reason to happen because Rude is feuding with Jake Roberts. So why is Rude not fighting Jake on this show? It doesn’t make sense. JYD has the upper hand early despite Rude attacking him from behind before the bell. But Rude takes control and attacks JYD’s head. Towards the end, he goes to the top rope, pulls down his trunks which has JYD’s face on them, to reveal a second pair of trunks underneath which has Jake Roberts’ wife on it. So then Roberts runs down and attacks Rude, causing the DQ finish. Again, this could’ve made sense if Rude had fought Roberts instead.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 4: The Powers of Pain def. The Bolsheviks (5:27)

Oof, rough match. It’s not completely horrible, but man, do they look confused at some times during the match. Warlord pins Boris at some point and Barbarian is being reprimanded by the referee giving Nikolai the opportunity to break up the pin… once he realized what he was supposed to do. The Bolsheviks work over Warlord, and Nikolai hits him with a hilarious, I mean, devastating roundhouse knee to the torso. Warlord tags Barbarian back in. They take Volkoff out and slam Boris into the mat before Barbarian impressively leaps from the top rope halfway across the ring and hits a headbutt for the win.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Intercontinental Championship Match - Ultimate Warrior def. Honky Tonk Man (c) (0:31)

With Honky’s record officially being broken today by Gunther, it’s oddly appropriate that I would watch the show where his title reign ended. Nobody knows who Honky’s challenger is until Warrior’s music hits and he puts Honky away with a shoulder tackle, a clothesline and a splash to become the Intercontinental Champion and somehow, Honky held the record for longest reigning champion for 35 years. But thankfully, that’s over because GUNTHER has arrived!

Match 6: Dino Bravo def. Don Muraco (5:28)

Very meh. Just 2 guys who wanted to prove who was stronger on a roster where everyone was juiced the hell up. Momentum swung sides a few times during this match, but I can’t remember much of note here. I do remember Muraco had the upper hand early and Bravo had to go outside, but not much other than the finish, which was just Dino hitting a side slam, a move that nobody could get away with losing to today.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Demolition (c) def. The Hart Foundation (9:49)

Alright, now this was good. Not great, but very solid match. Demolition comes out with Mr. Fuji and Jimmy Hart so they have 2 managers on the outside. The Foundation start hot, but Demolition takes control and beats on Bret Hart. Jim Neidhart gets off the apron and chases Jimmy Hart to the back, and he doesn’t return until the finish. After a few minutes, Bret tags in Neidhart, who goes ham. A really cool spot was Bret, who’s on the apron, yanks back on the top rope and flings Neidhart over the top rope onto Ax. Bret gets tagged back in and while the referee is tied up with Neidhart and Mr. Fuji in the corner, Jimmy runs back down, tosses Ax his megaphone and Ax hits Bret in the back of the head with it, allowing Smash to retain their titles.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 8: Big Boss Man def. Koko B. Ware (5:57)

Alright, I’m getting exhausted watching this show at this point. It’s only 2 ½ hours but it feels longer. Boss Man beats on Koko for a few minutes, until he leaps into the corner and crotches himself on the top rope because Koko moved out of the way. Koko hits a nice top rope dropkick. Koko leaps at Boss Man, who catches him (kind of) and throws him over the top rope. Koko comes back in and Boss Man throws him into the rings for the Boss Man slam which is just a Rock Bottom, except he holds him by the waist.

My Rating: **

Match 9: Jake Roberts def. Hercules (10:06)

Another match to drag the show on. Roberts tries to hit the DDT immediately, and Hercules slides out of the ring. Soon it just becomes where Hercules beats on Roberts. And he’s doing it for quite a while, so long that you know Roberts is winning, because Herc is getting so much heat on Roberts. Roberts is able to stay in it and hits a DDT from out of nowhere to get the win. So no Rick Rude.

My Rating: *1/2

Main Event: Tag Team Match with Jesse Ventura as Special Referee - The Mega Powers def. The Mega Bucks (13:57)

Solid main event. Nothing special, but for what it is, it’s fine. Savage and Hogan have the upper hand in the early going, but Hogan, while he’s beating on DiBiase in the ring, he takes a swing at Andre, which was a mistake. Andre headbutts Hogan and they isolate Hogan from his corner for a few minutes, until Savage comes in, but he gets taken down and at some point in the match. Andre just sits his big ass down on Savage’s face in the corner, not once, not twice, but three times. Hogan and Savage fight back and look to be in control, but Hogan puts DiBiase in a sleeper hold, while Savage gets kicked after attempting an elbow drop on Andre who got his foot up. Andre headbutts Hogan in the back of the head and sends him outside with Savage. Elizabeth gets on the apron and rips her skirt off, distracting literally everybody. Ventura, Andre, DiBiase, Virgil and Heenan. Hell of a distraction I must admit, but they all react like they’ve never seen a woman before, which can’t be true because Andre definitely got bitches. Anyway, Savage and Hogan come back in. Savage hits Andre in the back from the top rope, who flips over the ropes, while DiBiase takes an elbow drop followed by a legdrop from Hogan. And Ventura, who DIBiase had payed off, reluctantly counts the pin. And the celebrations begin.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 5.25

My Rating: 5/10

Now, for an 80s show, I would say this is pretty good. Exceeded my expectations, I wasn’t expecting to see as much good stuff as I did. With that being said, most of this card is doggy doodoo. I would say that 3 out of the 4 tag team matches are worth watching, the main event simply because it’s the first SummerSlam main event. But do not watch anything else because it is so exhausting.

Next, we have another in the In Your House series, which is very telling about how good those shows were. In Your House 8: Beware of Dog. Which was split up into 2 nights due to a power outage that happened on the first night.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 8: Beware of Dog

So this show jumped up a few spots since my last review so the rating is different. Also, this is the show that got stormed out and cut the power off in the arena, which is why there were two nights and why the match that would be the main event is only the second match.

Match 1: Marc Mero def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (16:23)

Starting the show off with a solid match between 2 of the company’s youngest talents at the time. Mero is still undefeated at this point and Hunter wants to break that streak. It starts evenly matched, but after Mero’s shoulder hits the ring post, Hunter really goes after that. Hunter targets that shoulder for a while, and I mean a while, and Mero does a pretty good job at selling the damage. It does get boring after a while which is the downside to this match, but Mero begins making a comeback and hits a frankensteiner from the top rope. He dives over the ropes, but Hunter dodges and Mero hurts his knee on the landing. So now, two different parts of Mero are hurt. It looks all over for him. But Hunter goes for a Pedigree in the corner, and Mero trips his legs, and catapults him over the turnbuckle, head first into the ring post and Hunter falls back to the mat flat. And Mero pins him to keep his streak alive.

My Rating: ***1/4

Intended Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Shawn Michaels (c) vs. British Bulldog ended in a draw (17:21)

What happened here? This match should’ve been great, but it wasn’t. These 2 did not kliq (hehe get it) at all. It’s very dull and it has pretty much no drama to it. The match starts okay but it soon just becomes a match of rest holds. And weirdly enough… Shawn seemed off his game, and he trips over his own feet running to the ropes and lands outside. Awkward match with a controversial if dumb finish. The original referee gets knocked outside. Shawn german suplexes Bulldog and the new referee counts Shawn’s shoulders down and declares Bulldog the winner. But the OG referee gets in and says Shawn wins because Bulldog’s shoulders were down, which was correct. Gorilla Monsoon comes down and says the match is a draw which would be right, but lets talk about how the referee who counted the pin declared Bulldog the winner and was just totally ignored. Yeah, he fucked up, but he still ruled the match to Bulldog. So… I guess I’m just a little confused, but why would WWE keep up with their own rules.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: Caribbean Strap Match - Savio Vega def. Steve Austin (21:27)

The first match of night 2. Completely underrated match. For a couple of reasons I think, because 1, it was before Stone Cold took off, even before the Austin 3:16 promo, and 2, because Savio Vega’s in it…. Sorry Savio. But for anyone who hasn’t seen this match, it’s a treat. It has the touch 4 corners rules. The psychology in this match is spectacular. They use the strap as much as they can. They beat the hell out of each other and I loved it. Austin in particular took so many whips. They even wrap the strap around each other’s legs so they can drag the other around. They each make several attempts to win, but they keep getting interrupted. Something that I don’t think we ever saw again, Austin went to the top rope and attempted to dive onto Savio! And maybe it’s a good thing he didn’t because he crashed into the steel rails. The finish to this match is amazing. Much like the Eddie Guerrero/JBL strap match I watched before, Austin wraps the strap around Savio’s neck and drags him around the ring as he touches the corners, but Savio touches each one after Austin. On the 3rd corner, I don’t know if this was intentional or not, but after Austin touches the corner, Austin goes too far, and Savio can’t quite reach the corner, swiping at it a couple times. He nearly misses his opportunity, but he touches it. Intentional or not, I loved that! And on the 4th corner, Savio pulls on the strap, stopping Austin in his tracks, Austin pulls Savio towards him, but Savio goes past Austin and touches the 4th corner. And the stipulation going into this match? If Austin lost, Ted DiBiase would leave WWF. So Savio and the crowd sing DiBiase out with “Na Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye.” Underrated match that everyone should check out sometime.

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 4: Vader def. Yokozuna (8:53)

And after that awesome match, of course, they are required to bring the show down with this stinker. And it is a stinker. They don’t start fighting until minutes after the bell rings. And so much of this match is dominated by Yokozuna. They do the same spot twice, where Vader punches at Yoko, only for Yoko to trip Vader up and elbow drop his knee. Yoko is about to end the match with a Banzai Drop, until Jim Cornette gets on the apron and tries to hit Yoko with his tennis racket. Yoko drags Jim into the ring. Yoko headbutts him and drags him to the corner, going for a Banzai Drop on his former manager. But Vader pulls Jim out of the way, causing Yoko to land on his dumptruck ass, then Vader goes to the second rope and hits a Vader Bomb to take the W.

My Rating: *1/2

Night 2 Main Event: Intercontinental Championship Casket Match - Goldust (c) def. The Undertaker (12:36)

It feels weird seeing Undertaker in an IC Title match. As far as I can tell, he’s never given a shit about that title. Undertaker dominates the early part of the match, until Goldust picks him and hits him with his own Tombstone Piledriver, and then… rest holds, hell yeah. Seriously, this is just boring as all hell. It’s no fun to sit through. It is a little fun watching Goldust panic when he lands on the casket, but that’s about it. In the finish, Undertaker Tombstones Goldust, and gets ready to put him in the casket, but surprise mothafucka! Mankind was in there and he puts the Mandible Claw on Taker, drags him into the casket and shuts the lid himself, helping Goldust retain. Then after Mankind and Goldust leave, smoke starts coming from inside the casket. When they get it back open, Undertaker is gone, and Paul Bearer is distraught.

My Rating: *1/2

Cagematch Rating: was 5.25, now is 5.27

My Rating: 5.5/10

This show was close to getting a 6. The opener was solid, disappointing world title match between them, but the Strap Match raised the show’s quality. And then the last 2 matches brought the show down again.

There was a commercial for King of the Ring on this show. But we’re not quite there yet, instead, I’ll be watching the King of the Ring the next year in 1997.

 

[Jarf]

King of the Ring 1997

Match 1: King of the Ring Semi-Final Match - Hunter Hearst Helmsley def. Ahmed Johnson (7:42)

Start off with an average match. Ahmed has Hunter on the ropes for a lot of this match, he no sells a lot of Hunter’s offense. But while Chyna doesn’t get involved physically, she is the difference maker for Hunter in this tournament. It’s a good thing this match didn’t go any longer than it did though, because they start to mess up some spots towards the end, which happens after Chyna distracts Ahmed on the outside. Triple H knees him in the back, causing him to hit the turnbuckle and Triple H hits the Pedigree to move onto the finals.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 2: King of the Ring Semi-Final Match - Mankind def. Jerry Lawler (10:24)

Mankind cuts a hilarious promo before the match that I didn’t quite fully understand. But he refers to Lawler as the emperor with no clothes and then says “there’s only one thing that I can think of more horrifying than Jerry Lawler walking around stark naked… and that’s me walking around stark naked.” Lawler is in control for a surprisingly long time in this match. However, he has to cheat constantly to keep the advantage. Mankind hurts his neck in this match and that’ll be the story for him all night. He attempts to ram his head into Lawler, who was sitting against steel steps, but Lawler moves and Foley hits it head first, which is bad enough on its own, but Ross says “he may have jammed his neck.” Lawler hits 2 piledrivers, hurting Mankind’s neck further. But Lawler goes for a third at the end, which Mankind reverses. Lawler sunset flips over Mankind, who drives his fingers into the gullet of Lawler, who gives up to the Mandible Claw.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 3: Goldust def. Crush (9:56)

This sucked. Like holy hell this was a snoozefest. Crush is in control for most of the match, that’s the problem. And he does almost nothing for several minutes. Goldust begins to make the comeback. D’Lo and…. Another guy harass Marlena on the outside. Goldust puts Crush away with a move I can’t remember what he hit because I was so tuned out for this match.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 4: The Hart Foundation (Owen Hart, British Bulldog & Jim Neidhart) def. Sycho Sid & The Legion of Doom (13:37)

Sid’s final match, at least on PPV in the company. This match was alright. It starts out okay enough. Bulldog shows off his power by hitting a stalling suplex on Sid. The problem with that is that Sid has half the brain that you do, and it had no effect on him, so he gets up and immediately hits Owen and Neidhart on the apron. Animal is the one who gets the isolation treatment and the Foundation work over him in their corner for a while, Animal makes the hot tag and Hawk and Sid both get in and a brawl ensues. The referee has trouble keeping up with everyone. Sid goes for a Powerbomb on Bulldog, but Owen dives off the rope and sunset flips Sid… sort of, into a pin and the Foundation take the W.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 5: King of the Ring Final Match - Hunter Hearst Helmsley def. Mankind (19:26)

Definitely not one of their best, but this is still a very good match. This match kickstarts one of the most underrated feuds from this year and one of the most underrated feuds in the company history in my opinion. Not gonna lie, the first half of the match is boring and that’s what holds it back from a higher rating. Hunter works over Mankind’s neck for a lot of the early stages. But the second half is when this match starts to get good! Mankind begins to come back and gets his spots in, including an elbow drop from the apron. Mankind hits the Double Arm DDT, and Chyna distracts the referee while Mankind is pinning him. Mankind later puts the Mandible Claw on Hunter, near the ropes, but Chyna pulls him out of the ring by the hair. Also, this referee sucks at his job. Several times, Chyna gets involved and he knows she’s getting involved and yet he never ever sends her to the back! Mankind takes some sick bumps towards the end. He basically does Darby Allin’s coffin drop from the apron, but Chyna pulls Hunter out of the way, and Mankind hits the guardrail with the back of his head! Hunter is going to make sure Mankind stays down, so he goes over the announce table, drags Foley with him and Pedigrees him through it! Mankind gets back on the apron, and Hunter knees back to the floor into a photographer. Once again, Mankind gets back up, slowly but surely, but while the referee is holding back Hunter, Chyna hits Mankind in the back with the king’s sceptor, completely shattering it! Hunter finally puts Mankind out of his misery with a Pedigree to become King of the Ring. Good stuff, Mankind came out of this looking like a million bucks.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 6: Steve Austin vs. Shawn Michaels ended in a double DQ (22:29)

Can they co-exist! No the fuck they could not! These two were the Tag champs. Also, second show in a row, Austin is putting on the best match of the night, (or two nights for Beware of Dog). This is much better than I remember it being, I wasn’t crazy about this match the first time I saw it, but this was fantastic! It’s just a battle for bragging rights pretty much, and because both of them are white hot popular babyfaces, you can see it going either way. The only thing I don’t like is the finish, as hilarious as it is. These two just try to outwrestle each other in the early parts of the match, and prove that they’re better. But they turn the intensity up as the match goes on. Austin tries to turn the match into a brawl, but Shawn tries to quicken the pace.. Austin exposes the concrete floor, and Shawn tries to fight it, but Austin picks Shawn up in a miltary press and drops him on the floor. Now Austin is in control and now Shawn has to fight from down under as Austin whoops his ass. And Shawn begins to come back and starts to turn the tide, and nearly pins Austin a couple times, but Austin always knocks him right back down. Shawn reverses an irish whip and Austin hits the referee, which as we all know, renders them a wet noodle. So Shawn attempts to superkick Austin, but Austin catches the boot, spins Shawn around and hits a Stunner and has Shawn pinned, but the ref is down. Austin being the good guy that he is, picks the re- oh wait, he stunned him. Okay, nevermind. Austin turns around into a superkick from Shawn. The same referee from the Hunter match runs down, goes past Shawn pinning Austin, and tries to wake up the original referee. So Shawn superkicks that referee. Austin and Shawn continue the fight until Earl Hebner runs down to chew them both out and disqualify them both. I understand it a little bit, they don’t want either one of them to lose, but now you’ve basically told us this match was pointless. Just have one of them win via lucky rollup or something like Mox and Danielson did at Revolution last year. They leave together with the tag titles but neither one of them wanna turn their back on the other. Awesome match, even if it gets goofy at the end.

My Rating: ****1/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - The Undertaker (c) def. Faarooq (13:43)

There was no way these two were going to be able to follow that match unfortunately. It was going pretty well for a bit actually, but it really gets boring once Faarooq starts working over Taker. It is worth mentioning that this was near the beginning of one of the best long term stories WWE ever did. Paul Bearer was in Undertaker’s corner once again. Why? Because Paul was holding a dirty secret over Taker’s head that he swore to tell the entire world if he didn’t do what Paul said. Of course, we know what that secret was now. The Nation attack Undertaker a few minutes after the match started while Faarooq is distracting the referee. So Undertaker has a perfect response to that later, where he looks to be going for Old School on Faarooq, but instead, Undertaker looks back and basically trust dives on the Nation of the outside. I can’t remember too much from this match because it’s your average match, but at least it doesn’t go too long. Undertaker hits a Tombstone on Faarooq to get the win. Savio Vega and Crush run in to both eat a Chokeslam from Taker. But Paul Bearer gets in, holding the title, and demands, for whatever reason for Taker to chokeslam Faarooq over and over and over again. Probably to show everyone that he can tell Undertaker to do whatever he wants. Ahmed Johnson eventually runs down and tries to stop Undertaker, which is weird because Ahmed and Faarooq aren’t exactly best friends, at least in canon. Ahmed tries to tell Undertaker something, but probably couldn’t understand it because Ahmed can’t form a coherent sentence to save his life. Ahmed shoves Taker, and Taker takes a swing, but Ahmed ducks and hits Undertaker with a Pearl River Plunge before leaving. Taker just sort of sits up and shrugs it off before leaving with Paul Bearer. Strange ending to the show. But we have some advancement in this story.

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.25

My Rating: 7/10

Alright, I may be the only person who feels this way, but I thought this was pretty damn good. Not great, but a decent show. Really the only low point of the show was Goldust and Crush, but other than that, it wasn’t bad. The Semi-Finals weren’t too long. Good final match with a great Austin/Shawn match in there. And yeah, the main event wasn’t very good, but we do at least get some story development. It’s only a matter of time before Undertaker loses his cool and Paul Bearer will expose his secret to the world.

Up next is a bit of a weird show. Taboo Tuesday 2004.

 

[Jarf]

Taboo Tuesday 2004

Match 1: Intercontinental Championship Match - Shelton Benjamin def. Chris Jericho (c) (10:54)

Considering that they pretty much have to book the show the day of the PPV, this was a shocking victory. WWE were also expecting Batista to win the fan vote, which makes Shelton’s win an even bigger surprise. And give credit to both these guys for calling a solid match on the fly. They never really do anything spectacular, but for what it is, very good opening match. Jericho puts Shelton in the Walls of Jericho, and hits a Lionsault, but Shelton keeps going, until Jericho makes the mistake of leaping from the second rope, and Shelton catches him and hits a T-Bone Suplex to win his first Intercontinental Championship.

My Rating: ***1/4

Match 2: Women’s Championship Fulfill Your Fantasy Battle Royal - Trish Stratus (c) won by last eliminating Molly Holly (5:35)

The fans voted for the divas to be dressed as schoolgirls, which I thought was weird… until Trish came out and my mood changed drastically. Anyway, this match sucked. Another battle royal where they don’t even need to throw each other over the top. Also, Jerry Lawler is on commentary and you know what that means during a women’s match. Trish eliminates Molly last after Molly eliminates Stacy Keibler. There’s your match. This isn’t the only terrible match involving women on it though, sadly.

My Rating: 1/2*

I think it was here where they decided who it was that was gonna face Triple H for the World Title between Shawn Michaels, Edge and Chris Benoit, and Shawn wins the vote. And Edge is pissed about it.

Match 3: Chain Match - Snitsky def. Kane (14:18)

For what it’s worth, much better than their New Year’s Revolution match. It’s not bad but not good either. Kane does his best to get a good match out of Snitsky. Lita is also out here to support the man who raped and impregnated her and hoping he murders the guy who made her lose said rape baby… I don’t know how this horrible storyline doesn’t get more hate. Kane is in control in the early stages, but Snitsky quickly takes the advantage and he keeps it for most of the match and JR and King are flabbergasted by the fact that Snitsky is manhandling Kane. The end of this match is brutal. Snitsky grabs a steel chair, beats Kane with it. Before he wraps it around his neck and jumps on the chair from the second rope, crushing Kane’s throat. Blood flows from Kane’s mouth as Snitsky slaps him around. The end of the match shows that Snitsky still has much to learn however, because he leaves and then remembers he’s supposed to pin him and runs back in to finish the match. They bring some EMTs out for Kane and JR and King do their serious voices, trying to get us to sympathize with Kane… who raped Lita months ago. Yeah, Kane got what he deserved here. As Scott Steiner once said, NO SIMPY!

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: Hair vs. Hair Match - Eugene def. Eric Bischoff (2:08)

The stipulation for this match is that the loser has to face some sort of penalty for losing and the fans got to vote. They chose the loser getting their head shaved. The other 2 stipulations being that the loser must be the winner’s servant, or wear a dress for a month. Thankfully this match is short, but the post match sure as fuck isn’t. Eric uses martial arts, but he falls to an Atomic Leg Drop from Eugene. Coach tries to get Bischoff out of the stipulation, but Vince McMahon comes out and says that if Eric doesn’t get a haircut, he’ll be FIRRRRRRRED! And while Eugene is shaving Eric, Vince says that Coach has to wear the dress that was at ringside and that’s what Coach has on the rest of the night.

Match 5: World Tag Team Championship Match - Chris Benoit & Edge def. La Resistance (c) (16:03)

I guess as a consolation prize, the losers of the World Title fan vote get to take on the World Tag Team Champions. Edge is still not happy. He confronts Shawn backstage before he goes out there. La Resistance isolate Edge for a while, until he makes the tag to Benoit, but then La Resistance have him down and isolate him from Edge. Edge eventually gets frustrated… and walks out on Benoit, who is forced to watch him leave by Sylvain. But Benoit isn’t out for long as he throws Sylvain out and puts Conway in the Crossface and Benoit wins the World Tag Team Titles by himself.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: Lingerie Pillow Fight - Christy Hemme def. Carmella (1:46)

No, not that Carmella you’re all thinking of. And if you’re wondering “who the fuck is that?” So was I. Now because Jerry Lawler isn’t horny enough, they decide to do 2 “look at our women” matches. They had a video package for this match and everything. It’s fucking weird. The fans voted for this match to be a Lingerie Pillow Fight, over something and something else. They have both of them change into the lingerie in some “see through” cubicles. (Fyi, they aren’t see through, you can only see their silhouette). What can I say about this match. They hit each other with pillows and shit. That’s it. Oh, also Christy pulled a pad out of Carmella’s bra… that’s something. Question though. Do pillow fights actually do something for other guys because this did nothing for me. I sat and watched this and just kept thinking “do people get turned on by this?”

Match 7: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Triple H (c) def. Shawn Michaels (14:08)

Interesting story here. Shawn goes into this match with an injured leg, and Triple H doesn’t buy that Shawn’s injured, which adds an interesting story element of “is Shawn actually hurt.” Well, if he wasn’t hurt before, he is after Triple H locks onto that knee. Triple H works over Shawn’s knee and Shawn has to keep telling the referee to not ring the bell. Triple H puts Shawn in a Figure 4 and Shawn begs the referee to not ring the bell. Shawn starts making a comeback on one good leg. He very slowly, goes to the top rope and hits an elbow drop, which is the set up for the Sweet Chin Music. But while he’s doing that, Batista runs down and Shawn hits him. While the referee is trying to get Batista to leave, Shawn hits a Superkick out of nowhere, but Edge comes out from the crowd, jumps in the ring and Spears Shawn. Officially turning heel, Edge leaves through the crowd again saying “it should’ve been me!” Triple H crawls over and covers Shawn 1, 2, 3. Very good match. They didn’t do a whole lot, but the story was good enough. I do wonder how they would’ve booked this show if Edge or Benoit had won the vote. I imagine we would’ve had the same chain of events with a slight change if Benoit won. But I do wonder when the heel turn would’ve happened if Edge (who was in 2nd place in the voting) had won.

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: Steel Cage Match - Randy Orton def. Ric Flair (10:35)

Strange choice to have this match go last, especially since it only goes 10 minutes. Not that I have a problem with it, because this match was good. Because of the lack of time, they don’t really get to tell a compelling story, it’s a simple Cage Match with plenty of blood spilled from both men. Orton gets cut open early after Flair tosses him into the cage. Flair spends the next few minutes trying to open up Orton even more. Orton however, opens up Flair by tossing him into the cage. Orton then beats on Flair for a few minutes, until Flair low blows him. Flair puts on a pair of brass knuckles he got out of his tights and hits Orton with it and covers him. Orton kicks out. Then Flair tries to leave through the door, but Orton stops him, but Flair is able to grab a chair that is just there now for some reason. Flair comes back in with the chair and takes a swing at Orton with it, but Orton ducks and drops Flair with an RKO to get the win. Flair gets up after the match and sticks his hand out to shake Orton’s hand. The two then hug after the match, and I feel like this was unplanned because Orton continued feuding with Evolution after this show. But this ending feels like a genuine passing of the torch moment.

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.25

My Rating: 5.5/10

This show… wasn’t the greatest… the stuff on the show that’s bad, is really bad. However, I will give them credit where it’s due. Giving the fans a choice to vote on what they saw was a neat idea. And I’ll give them even more credit for 2 unpredictable title changes. Not only that, but Edge turns heel out of anger and jealousy, and has 2 main event feuds with Chris Benoit and Shawn Michaels set up. 3 pretty good matches also saves it. So while there is some pretty bad shit on the show, there is also some good stuff here.

Hey… I bet you guys missed the Saudi shows. I know I sure as fuck didn’t. Next up is Crown Jewel 2019.

 

[Chris]

That was a great PPV fuck the haters

 

[Skyefire]

I think the reason they did it on a Tuesday was so they can have Raw the night before to build up the show and the fan vote. I kinda wonder if they had planned on the I-C Title changing hands no matter who won the vote. Was a bit surprising that Shelton won over guys like Batista. I also suspect that perhaps the reason Orton vs Flair went last is because they wanted the suspense of a fan vote result for the last match since the challenger for the World Championship was announced earlier in the show.

 

[Chris]

I believe the story I've always heard told was Jericho didn't even know he was facing Shelton until his music hit but he'd always been planned to lose the belt

 

[Jarf]

I believe the story I've always heard told was Jericho didn't even know he was facing Shelton until his music hit but he'd always been planned to lose the belt

I'm picturing an alternate reality where Jericho loses the title to Rosey

 

[Jarf]

Crown Jewel 2019

I totally forgot that this is the show where they all got stuck in Saudi because of “flight issues” quote unquote. Ah fuck you Saudi.

Match 1: WWE Championship Match - Brock Lesnar (c) def. Cain Velasquez (2:03)

Poor Kofi Kingston, WWE really buried him and then brushed him under the rug like he was nothing. Because we gotta make room for Cain Velasquez, who only had one match in the company. Michael Cole says that this is the first time that somebody is making their debut competing for the WWE Title. Yeah! With good reason! Because it shouldn’t happen! Anyway, they start off with some brawling and Cain rocks Brock with a kick that knocks him down, Cain goes for the kill, but Brock kicks his leg out of his leg and puts him in the Kimura Lock, and that’s it. Dust your hands, we can go home. Except we can’t because Rey Mysterio comes in with a steel chair and beats Brock with it, setting up their match at Survivor Series.

Match 2: World Cup Tag Team Turmoil Match - The OC won by last eliminating The Viking Raiders (32:05)

That’s right, this match was half an hour long. And man, I have never seen so much nothing in 30 minutes. The most interesting part of the match was Big E. leaning backward and holding himself up. The best match was between New Day and The Revival, and New Day eliminate The Revival, who beat on them afterward, weakening them for the OC to run out and finish the job. The Viking Raiders are the last team to enter, and they have a 5 minute match before they are put away by the OC with a Magic Killer. And because they beat 2 teams, they’re the best tag team in the world according to WWE.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: Mansoor def. Cesaro (12:45)

God damn, who was expecting this match to rule? This match was great, but by no means was it a carry job. Mansoor looked like he could hang with Cesaro in the ring and Cesaro bumped like crazy to make Mansoor look good. I feel like what stops it from getting a higher rating from most people is that it was predictable who was winning, which is a shame because I think this match is underrated and deserves more credit for both guys’ ring work. Mansoor is able to throw Cesaro off early, until he tries a suicide dive, but Cesaro uppercuts him and kills him. Cesaro wears down Mansoor for a few minutes, until Cesaro goes for a crossbody, and eats a dropkick. From this point, the match is back and forth, there’s plenty of sweet moves from both guys. Cesaro effortlessly goes on the second rope, gutwrenches Mansoor from the apron and slams him into the mat. Cesaro hits a pop-up uppercut, which Mansoor kicks out of, but instead of being shocked about it, Cesaro wastes no time and puts Mansoor in a crossface. Mansoor manages to escape it, and hits a superkick. He goes to the ropes to attempt a moonsault, but Cesaro recovers, and sits Mansoor on the top rope. Cesaro goes up to join him, and gutwrenches Mansoor again. Mansoor counters it and hits a powerbomb from the second rope, setting Cesaro up for the Moonsault for Mansoor to pull off the win! Great stuff, great match.

My Rating: ****

Match 4: Tyson Fury def. Braun Strowman via countout (8:05)

So we go from good match to crap match. First of all, I’m not a boxing fan, but if Tyson Fury is an undefeated heavyweight champion, shouldn’t he be going for a knockout punch instead of trying to overpower and outwrestle Braun? Just something I thought didn’t make a whole lot of sense. That’s what Tyson does for a lot of this match, and spoiler alert, it doesn’t work. Braun completely bowls him over, until Tyson hits a punch that knocks Braun out on the floor. Braun stumbles around and tries to get his bearings, but he’s counted out and Tyson wins… This is when I stopped taking Braun seriously, it was around this point. Not for losing to a boxing champion, but for losing so stupidly.

My Rating: 1/2*

Match 5: United States Championship Match - AJ Styles (c) def. Humberto Carrillo (12:35)

Solid match, but nothing great. They just hit their spots and go home, which is okay I suppose. AJ wears down Humberto for a portion of the match, and Carrillo starts to make a comeback. Despite being in a battle royal on the pre-show, Carrillo makes AJ earn the victory. There is a spot, where Carrillo goes for a Frankensteiner, but AJ catches him in a Styles Clash position, Carrillo flips on his feet however, AJ sunset flips for a 2. I thought that was neat. Other than that, not a whole lot to take away from this match. Humberto springboards off the ropes, and hits his knee, AJ takes advantage and puts Carrillo in the Calf Crusher, but Carrillo hangs on and grabs the ropes. AJ finishes things off with a Phenomenal Forearm to retain his title.

My Rating: ***

Match 6: Natalya def. Lacey Evans (7:20)

The first historic women’s match in Saudi Arabia… It’s historic alright. The match itself isn’t very good. There is a couple spots which Lacey pulls off, that are neat, but nothing else. Lacey leaps from the apron into the ring, dropkicking Natalya, who was sitting on the apron. Natalya wins the match after a discus clothesline and a Sharpshooter.

My Rating: **

Match 7: Team Hogan (Roman Reigns, Rusev, Ricochet, Mustafa Ali & Chad Gable) def. Team Flair (Randy Orton, Drew McIntyre, King Corbin, Bobby Lashley & Shinsuke Nakamura) (19:55)

No, I will not call him Shorty fucking G! Now, that I got that out of the way, let’s talk about this match. This was really good, but it doesn’t really pick up until we’re nearing the end. Flair’s team isolate Ali and All Might, I mean Ricochet from their corner. When Roman gets tagged in, business picks up, and he goes wild on Flair’s whole team. Eventually, the numbers game starts to catch up, and Ali, Ricochet and Gable all try to save him. But Ali takes a chokeslam from Corbin, Gable takes a Kinshasa from Shinsuke, and Ricochet takes a Claymore from Drew that makes him do standing 450. Team Flair try to gang up on Roman, but Rusev comes in, takes out everyone, but Lashley. Yes, this was at that time. Rusev gets at the man who’s been avoiding him for a while. Roman dives on everyone on the outside, leaving him and Randy Orton in the ring. Ironic how the last show I watched had Orton and Flair beating the crap out of each other and now Orton is captaining Flair’s team here. Roman attempts a Superman punch, but Orton catches him out of it into an RKO. Roman kicks out though. Ali and Ricochet stop Orton from punting Orton, Ali reverses an RKO, by handstanding, and Orton hits the mat, letting Ricochet hit a standing 450. Before him and Ali dive on Lashley and Corbin on the outside, while Chad dives on Drew from the apron. Roman finishes the match with a Spear on Orton. Even now, Hogan goes over brother.

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: Universal Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match - “The Fiend” Bray Wyatt def. Seth Rollins (c) (21:50)

I miss you Bray Wyatt… The Fiend is still the coolest gimmick of the modern era, and I will defend it until I die. One thing I don’t miss though, is the fucking red lighting that WWE decided to put on over every Fiend match. Red lighting = spooky according to Vince or whoever’s idea it was. Now as much as it pains me to admit because Bray Wyatt is one of my favorite wrestlers ever and I want to put respect on his name… this match wasn’t very good. It wasn’t bad either though, it definitely has it’s moments, it’s just that it’s pretty slow and there’s hardly any drama aside from Seth looking shocked a lot. Some notable spots however include The Fiend attempting a senton through the announce table, but Seth moved out of the way. Seth makes the cover, and Bray kicks out at one. Seth sets up 2 tables, one stacked on top of the other one, and he ends up going through it. The Fiend exposes a steel grate under the protective padding, and Seth ends up stomping him into it. Fiend kicks out at 2 this time. The Fiend isn’t staying down though, and chases and drags Rollins up the stage. Seth survives through superkick after superkick and stomp after stomp. Seth superkicks Bray off the stage through the pyrotechnic area, and Rollins goes down to try to pin him, but he gets blinded by some sparks and The Fiend gets right back up. He puts the Mandible Claw on Seth and hits a Sister Abigail, to become the new Universal Champion, making 21 year old me happy as can be. The last image of the night is Bray Wyatt holding the Universal Champion with a single spotlight shining on him. Ah, it’s beautiful.

My Rating: **3/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.26

My Rating: 6.5/10

First half of the show aside from Mansoor and Cesaro is booked awfully. But really, there is a couple good matches on this show that stops it from sucking. And thankfully, most of the bad stuff is short (apart from that Tag Team Turmoil) If only they didn’t get held hostage after the show, they would’ve went off without a hitch. I will never support the Saudi deal, but this was a solid show.

Next up, the Mega Powers Explode! It’s WrestleMania 5.

 

[Skyefire]

Hogan & Roman, another futile attempt to make Reigns the top babyface.