Reviewing every WWE PPV in order from worst to best

[Jarf]

Survivor Series 2008

I used to have this PPV on DVD. It’s a lot rougher than I remember it being. Before the first match even starts, they have Jim Ross do his serious voice and let everyone know that Jeff Hardy was found in his apartment unconscious and it’s questionable if he’d compete in the WWE Title match. Of course we know now that this was an angle, but given Jeff’s history of drug abuse, this was probably the worst thing they could’ve done.

Match 1: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Shawn Michaels, Rey Mysterio, The Great Khali & Cryme Tyme def. JBL, John Morrison, The Miz, Kane & MVP (18:05)

Not even Shawn Michaels and Rey Mysterio, as great as they are, could carry this match. It’s not bad, it’s just boring at times. MVP eliminates JTG within 2 minutes of the match. MVP celebrates before he’s eliminated seconds later by Khali. Kane gets in to fight with Khali, but Khali knocks Kane down and tags in Rey. Rey gets on Khali’s shoulders and hits a splash on Kane to eliminate him. And that’s the last time Khali will contribute to this match. The big man himself Shad gets in and goes ham, but he’s eliminated by Miz. Now Shawn gets in for the first time and he gets the isolation tribute. JBL busts his eye open with right hands. Shawn makes the hot tag to Rey and he completely overwhelms The Miz with his speed before he eliminates him with a 619 and a Splash. Rey gets isolated by JBL and Morrison before Rey tags Shawn back in. Shawn and JBL end up outside. And they fight out there, with Shawn going to Superkick JBL, but JBL shields himself. Shawn runs back and JBL gets counted out. While Shawn is saying bye to JBL, Morrison comes in and goes to superkick Shawn, but Shawn ducks it and he hits Morrison with a Superkick instead to eliminate him.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Raw Divas (Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, Candice Michelle, Jillian Hall & Kelly Kelly) def. SmackDown Divas (Michelle McCool, Maryse, Maria, Natalya & Victoria) (9:30)

IT’S THE ONE NIGHT OF THE YEAR RAW AND SMACKDOWN GO HEAD TO HE- Wait… this is 2008? What the hell then. This match… was not good at all. It has it’s moments, but it’s very botchy. Especially when you got Kelly Kelly and Maria in there trying to work a TNA X-Division Match. Victoria, one of the only legitimate wrestlers in the match, is eliminated first by… guess who? Kelly Kelly. Kelly is eliminated next by Maryse. SmackDown’s team captain, Michelle is eliminated next by Mickie James. Mickie is eliminated quickly by Maryse with a rollup. Natalya is next eliminated by Candice Michelle. Followed by Jillian, Maria, and then Candice. Leaving us with Beth and Maryse. Maryse surprisingly almost pins Beth, but Beth puts Maryse away with the Glam Slam.

My Rating: *

Match 3: Casket Match - The Undertaker def. Big Show (12:45)

I feel like Big Show just feuded with the same people, on and off, his whole career. Undertaker, Cena, Kane. I feel like I’ve seen Big Show face them a thousand times. This match sucked too. Not as bad as the last one. Less botches here, but it’s so slow and Big Show looks like a complete fucking moron in this one! They have one spot that stands out and the rest is plodding and boring. Undertaker leg drops Big Show through one of the announce tables. And that’s their spot. Big Show throws Undertaker in the casket and tells the referee’s to close it and they’re like “no bruh you gotta close it.” Which first of all, is that a rule? Second of all, just close it Big Show you pansy ass. He also destroys the casket for whatever reason. So yeah, now Undertaker can’t throw him in it, but now… he can’t throw Undertaker in it either. Thankfully, Undertaker’s druids had a spare and wheel it right out for them. Big Show stands that casket up, but Undertaker ends up throwing him into it, the casket tips over and the lid slams shut with Big Show inside… And that’s the match.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes, Shelton Benjamin, Mark Henry & William Regal def. Batista, Matt Hardy, CM Punk, Kofi Kingston & R-Truth (16:15)

Solid Survivor Series Tag, but I’ve seen better. CM Punk immediately eliminates Regal with a knee in the corner and a GTS. Then Layla, who accompanied Regal to the ring, throws her shoe at Punk and hits him right in the eye. Some time passes before another elimination is made. This time it’s on Batista’s side as Shelton takes out R-Truth. Kofi gets in and he holds his own for a bit until Randy gets in and he eliminates Kofi with a draping DDT. Punk comes in and goes after Orton, who punted Punk in the head at Unforgiven this year and Punk would wait until 2011 to get his revenge. Cody Rhodes eliminates Punk after a few minutes. Followed by Matt Hardy who is eliminated after a World’s Strongest Slam from Henry. But as soon as Matt’s out, Batista gets in and spears Henry to take him out. Shelton gets in there and he gets ran through by Batista and he’s out next. Rhodes gets in and he gets shitcanned by Batista. He picks Cody up for the Draxtista Bomb, but Orton tags Cody’s leg as Batista gets him up. Drax drops Cody and covers him, but doesn’t realize Orton is the legal man. Batista turns around into an RKO for Team Orton to get the win.

My Rating: ***

Match 5: WWE Championship Triple Threat Match - Edge def. Triple H (c) & Vladimir Kozlov (14:20)

Wow this sucked for a number of reasons. So WWE decided they were gonna pull a 1999 and advertise Jeff Hardy for this match. But they wrote him out with this angle where he was attacked in his own apartment and was hospitalized. I’m sorry, local medical facilitied. So now it’s back to being a one on one between Triple H and Kozlov. This match goes on for 12 minutes before the big angle comes to a head. And it’s one of the most boring title matches I’ve ever seen. Kozlov dominates a lot of the match and targets HHH’s torso. HHH hits a Pedigree before Vickie Guerrero comes out and shouts “HE’S HERE!” The crowd, thinking it’s Jeff Hardy, cheers… But then Edge’s music hits and he runs down. He Spears Triple H and is about to pin him before Jeff Hardy runs down. He lays into Edge. He goes outside and grabs a chair. He swings at Edge, but Edge ducks and Jeff hits HHH instead. Jeff turns and hits Kozlov. Then he eats a Spear and Edge pins Triple H to win the title… As a way to get heat, I’d call this a success. But kinda disrespectful to bait and switch a crowd that paid their hard earned money to come see this. And I think the only reason they got away with this is because Boston’s boy was in the next match.

My Rating: 1/2*

Main Event: World Heavyweight Championship Match - John Cena def. Chris Jericho (c) (21:15)

One of the most predictable title matches I’ve ever seen. This was Cena’s comeback match after injuring his neck at SummerSlam. They were also in Boston so no way was Cena losing. This match tells the story of Cena trying to get comfortable being in the ring again. Jericho works over Cena’s neck for a lot of this match. The one thing I’ll say that this match does have going for it is the hot crowd. I remember this match being a lot better, and it’s solid, but it’s nothing too great. Jericho puts Cena in a brutal Liontamer at one point in the match, with Jericho’s knee right on the back of Cena’s head. Cena powers out of it though. Jericho does pretty much everything he can do to put Cena down. He has him in the Walls of Jericho for a long time where Cena makes a face like he’s constipated. He hits the Codebreaker that Cena kicks out of. The finish is Jericho rolls Cena up in a small package, but Cena rolls out of it, picks Jericho up from that position and drops him with an FU to win the World Title. Yay, happy ending.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 5.11

My Rating: 4/10

I’ve seen a lot worse shows. This show isn’t bad, it’s just no good. But for real, if I can fantasy book for a second. You don’t have Jericho lose the belt to Batista and then immediately have him win it back. If anything the main event could’ve benefited from Batista being in it. If you absolutely must have Cena in the World Title match, you have Batista as the champ. Jericho can invoke his rematch clause to make it a Triple Threat. Cena was injured in a match against Batista so that adds a little extra something to it. You’ve got your main event right there. You have Cena coming back to win the title and pay back Batista at the same time. Jericho is there so it’s not face vs face and he can act as the foil to both of them. I think that would’ve made it better and maybe less predictable. Maybe not by much because it is John Cena.

So after finally watching my first show from 2008, I’ll finally get a show from 2009 now. The first Hell in a Cell PPV which was the beginning of the end of what made the match special in the first place.

 

[Jarf]

Hell in a Cell 2009

Match 1: World Heavyweight Championship Hell in a Cell Match - The Undertaker def. CM Punk (c) (10:24)

A disappointing match I must say. Undertaker? CM Punk? Hell in a Cell? That sounds awesome. Sadly, it was not awesome. But I will start this review with a hot take. I don’t think this match is that bad. It’s decent for what it is. And I don’t know where people go about calling this a squash match because Punk gets offense in. He nearly pins Taker a couple times so it’s not a squash match. Granted, most of it is Taker punishing Punk. But Punk is able to use his smarts to stay in the match and survive. He targets Undertaker’s knees. He hits Taker in the head with the chair. Punk kicks out of the Last Ride. Undertaker goes up for Old School, but when he drops, Punk sidesteps and hits the GTS by bringing his knee up, which was a great counter. Punk nearly pins Taker right there, but it’s not to be. Undertaker puts Punk away with a Chokeslam and a Tombstone. It’s okay for being a no DQ match. Not a good Cell Match though because that hardly comes into play.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Match - John Morrison (c) def. Dolph Ziggler (15:41)

Pretty good match, even if it does feel like it goes too long. They start out with some mat wrestling weirdly enough. But it soon picks up. And it’s not long before Ziggler is in control. Morrison misses a Starship Pain. Ziggler is able to avoid the move again later. Ziggler makes the mistake of playing with Morrison though and that’s probably what led to his downfall here. Morrison gets his comeback in, and you can hear a couple people try to start a “this is awesome” chant. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but Morrison hangs on to the ropes, and knees Dolph in the face before he drags him to the corner for Starship Pain.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 3: Divas Championship Match - Mickie James (c) def. Alicia Fox (5:20)

The worst match of the night is thankfully short. Mickie was without a doubt the best women’s wrestler they had at this point, but Alicia Fox was green and wasn’t ready for this kind of spotlight and it shows. Especially with the finish where Mickie goes for her leaping DDT plant, and Alicia ends up getting planted right on her head. Thankfully, she was okay and I think Mickie actually kneeled over her to make sure she was okay, but oof. Scary execution of that move.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 4: Unified WWE Tag Team Championship Match - Jeri-Show (c) def. Batista & Rey Mysterio (13:41)

An underrated match. This match was pretty good. We start out with Rey and Jericho, and Batista and Rey bully Jericho for a bit before Jericho literally crawls over to big brother Big Show. And Rey, being too proud doesn’t tag out to Batista. Instead he stays in the ring to get fucked up by Big Show. Big Show at one point, reaches over the ropes and grabs Rey by the head on the outside and palms him like a basketball and brings him back in the ring. Some time passes before Rey gets Batista in the ring. Batista manhandles Jericho and sends Big Show to the floor. A brief distraction from Big Show holding onto Batista’s legs allows Jericho to hit the Codebreaker for a 2 count. Rey and Big Show both get tagged back in, but now, Rey uses his speed to wear down Big Show and it works for the most part. Big Show gets sent outside. Jericho tries to take down Rey, but Rey drops him into the second rope. Rey goes for the 619, but Big Show, who’s standing outside shields him and takes the move instead. Jericho tries to attack Rey again, but Rey throws him over into the loving arms of Big Show, only for Batista to spear the big man and take them both down. Big Show slowly crawls back in the ring, and Rey springboards and dropkicks Big Show in the back into the second rope. Rey hits another 619, but he springboards again at Big Show, who punches Rey in the face out of the air and Jeri-Show retain their titles.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 5: WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match - Randy Orton def. John Cena (c) (21:24)

I heard good things about this match. It’s in nobodies favorite Cell matches ever, but I heard this match was pretty good. I thought this match was boring as hell. Matter of fact, I think this match was worse than the Taker/Punk Cell Match. At least that match didn’t drag the hell on like this one. It’s not terrible, but it’s not good either. Now unlike the first match, you could argue that this feud warranted a Cell Match, but they don’t utilize it very well. They only time the Cell really comes into play is at the beginning when Orton immediately tries to leave. It has it’s spots and Orton gets more vicious and more crazy eyed as the match goes on. Cena throws the ring steps to the outside, trying to hit Orton, who dodges and the steps hit the Cell and bounce off them. Orton at some point goes outside and grabs a chair and drives it into the back of Cena’s neck. The referee gets knocked down at some point and Cena has Orton in the STF, and of course, I knew it was coming. Orton taps out, but there’s no referee. When the ref comes to, Orton hits an RKO for a 2 count. Orton then drags Cena up and ties his arms in between the ropes and chokes him for like 2 minutes until Cena’s face turns purple. Orton finishes things off with a Punt Kick to win this match.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 6: Drew McIntyre def. R-Truth (4:38)

I kinda thought from the start that Drew McIntyre would become a World Champion some day. Never did I expect it to happen the way it did though. This match is to show off Drew McIntyre as he wasn’t in the company for very long. Truth gets some offense in, so it isn’t a squash, but McIntyre puts Truth away in 4 and a half minutes with the Future Shock DDT.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: United States Championship Triple Threat Match - Kofi Kingston (c) def. The Miz & Jack Swagger (7:53)

A decent match for being as short as it is. These three were looking good out here, Kofi more than any of them. Miz and Swagger start out double teaming Kofi at first, but they of course fall apart and fight with each other. There’s a cool spot where Kofi hits Swagger with Trouble in Paradise after Miz ducked out of the way. Miz hits Kofi with Skull Crushing Finale, but unfortunately, this spot gets messed up because Swagger is supposed to put Kofi’s foot on the rope, but he’s too far and Kofi has to kick out to save the match. Swagger hits Miz with a Gutwrench Powerbomb, but Kofi hits him with another Trouble in Paradise, and pins Miz to retain.

My Rating: **3/4

Main Event: Tag Team Hell in a Cell Match - D-Generation X def. Legacy (18:02)

You can tell that WWE were high on Rhodes and DiBiase and who can blame them with a match like this. This match was better than I remember it being. Legacy jumps DX during their entrance and the teams fight outside the cage for a while, before they knock Triple H out on the stage and damage Shawn’s leg. They drag Shawn into the cell and padlock the cell shut themselves. Shutting HHH out. Most of this match is this. Rhodes and DiBiase torturing Shawn while Triple H looks for any way to get inside. Shawn gets a couple hope spots in, one where he superkicks DiBiase, but the pin is broken up by Cody Rhodes. HHH eventually goes to the back and Legacy taunt Shawn, saying his partner left him. But after a few more minutes, Triple H returns with a pair of bolt cutters. He comes in and turns the tide for DX. He hits DiBiase with a Pedigree. Then him and Shawn drag him to the outside, they take the bolt cutters inside the cell and padlock it shut. Leaving Cody in there with them while DiBiase is on the outside looking in now. They wedge Cody’s neck between the seat of a chair and Shawn elbow drops it. DiBiase is screaming Cody while Triple H grabs a sledgehammer. Shawn hits a Superkick while HHH hits Cody with the hammer and DX wins. Great match to close out the show.

My Rating: ****

Cagematch Rating: 5.12

My Rating: 7/10

I don't get where the hate for this show is coming from because it's booked pretty decently, aside from the opener not needing to be a Cell Match. They gave time to good matches aside from the WWE Title Match. It has a great main event that gets forgotten about. I think it at least deserves a 7/10. The only problem I have with it really is that it pretty much killed the Cell Match. For years, it was a match to settle all grudges, but here it was just a match.

Now we're gonna go to the first PPV I ever watched live. SummerSlam 2007.

 

[Skyefire]

In Your House 12: It’s Time

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This is the 69th show I’ve watched… nice.

Match 1: Flash Funk def. Leif Cassidy (10:34)

We start off with a decent match that never really hits second gear. Which is gonna be the running theme of this show really. Flash wears Leif down early and throws him off with his agility. It gets messed up in a couple spots, but they manage to get the match back on track. Leif wears down Flash. At some point he belly to bellies him over the top rope to the floor. He takes a jog down the entrance way and comes back to clothesline Flash. But Flash manages to fight back into the match and he ends the match with a 450 Splash. A decent opener.

My Rating: ***

Match 2: WWF Tag Team Championship Match - Owen Hart & British Bulldog (c) def. “Diesel” & “Razor Ramon” (10:45)

We have Owen and Bulldog against not Kane and dollar store Scott Hall. Very weird match this is really. Bulldog has a feud with Stone Cold going on I guess. Pierroth and Cibernetico come out at some point and they stand there for a solid 2 minutes and then leave. They’re only there so Vince can mention the temporary partnership they have with AAA. Stone Cold comes out at some point also, and Bulldog jumps off the apron and goes after him. Security comes out to take Austin away. Not Kane and the other one isolate Owen for a while, but Owen makes the tag to Bulldog and they all brawl amongst each other. Bulldog goes for a Running Powerslam, but Razor slides off his shoulder, and goes for the Razor’s Edge, but Owen runs in and hits a spinning heel kick, and Bulldog pins him to retain their titles.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: Intercontinental Championship Match - Marc Mero def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley (c) via countout (14:03)

Another decent match, but like the opener, they never hit that next gear. Mero is the wildman and he does wildman things, but Hunter wears down Marc. There’s not a whole lot of memorable spots. The match breaks down into more a fight towards the end, with them being on the outside. Hunter grabs his title and goes to hit Mero with it, but Goldust goes down, takes the title out of Hunter’s hands and goes to hit him with it, but hits Mero instead, and then he hits Helmsley. The referee starts counting them. But Mero recovers first and gets back in, but Hunter gets counted out. Mero, out of anger, brings Hunter back in the ring and hits a 450.

My Rating: ***

Match 4: Armageddon Rules Match - The Undertaker def. The Executioner (11:31)

Holy shit, what a mess this match was. The rules to this was so stupid. After a pin or submission, the referee has to count to 10. So it’s a Last Man Standing match but with pinfalls for some dumb reason. In the early parts of the match, you get a good look at Undertaker’s face and he knows this match sucks. Undertaker exposes the concrete on the floor, and goes to Chokeslam him, but Mankind runs out and trips trying to stop him. This is pretty much a handicap from now on. This is the only thing I hate about this feud is that they had cog the machine with goons like Executioner. There is something cool in this where Undertaker throws Mankind into the In Your House tron, and then through the door from the otherside. That’s pretty much it. Other than that, this is just a sloppy, messy piece of garbage. Undertaker and Executioner fight to the outside and Executioner falls into the moat on the outside of the arena… that’s something I guess. Also a bunch of security guards come out and put a straight jacket on Mankind. Leading to me asking “why the fuck do they have a straight jacket?” Undertaker and Executioner come back to the ring. Undertaker hits a Tombstone and pins Executioner, and then the referee has to count to 10 and then Taker is declared the winner.

My Rating: *3/4

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Sycho Sid (c) def. Bret Hart (17:03)

We begin the slow buildup to the Bret Hart heel turn. Bret cuts a pretty heelish promo before the match. Shawn Michaels is on commentary and it’s at this point where I’m wondering if the animosity is there yet, because I could believe there is. This is the best match of the night, but again, it never hits that next gear. Told you that’d be the running theme. Bret uses his technical wrestling ability while Sid uses his power advantage and brawling style. Bret works over Sid’s back for a small portion of the match. But Bret gets sent outside of the ring at some point and then while the referee’s back is turned, Stone Cold runs out and chop blocks Bret’s leg. Bulldog and Owen run out and fight with Stone Cold. Bret gets back in the ring and he’s limping heavily and here is where the match starts to go downhill. Sid doesn’t take advantage of Bret’s injury. It gets messed up in a couple spots. They eventually go outside of the ring. Shawn willingly lets Bret have his chair, but Sid takes it out of his hands and shoves Shawn down. Sid brings Bret back in the ring, but Shawn loses his temper. Sid reverses an irish whip and Bret hits Shawn who was standing on the apron and goes flying off. Sid finishes off a stunned Bret Hart with a Powerbomb. An irate Bret attacks Shawn after the match and you can just feel the perfect storm brewing with this ending.

My Rating: ***

Cagematch Rating: 4.84

My Rating: 4/10

This show isn’t extremely awful, aside from that Armageddon Rules Match. But there’s also nothing really good on this show either. It’s not offensively bad, I’ve definitely watched worse, but it’s sooooooo not worth seeking out for any reason.

Oh would you look at that. We have another Survivor Series on our plate. This one will be the 2006 edition of the show.

I'm just not getting around to this, but the Armageddon Rules Match was an old school death match. WWE has never been too keen on using the term "Death Match" but they were popular in territorial Texas, ECW used it a couple of times, and I think that was the same rules as Randy Savage vs Crush at WrestleMania X.

 

[Skyefire]

Survivor Series 1991

View attachment 67183

At the start of the show, they play footage of Randy Savage being bitten by Jake Roberts’ snake and Jack Tunney announces that neither man will be wrestling at the show, but he does book a match between the two at This Tuesday in Texas. This Tuesday in Texas is going to be talked about a lot during this show.

Match 1: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Ric Flair, Ted DiBiase, The Mountie & The Warlord def. Roddy Piper, Bret Hart, Virgil & British Bulldog (22:48)

Hot damn, what an opener! This match was so good that I was wondering why it isn’t brought up more often. And I think I got my answer with the finish. But for the most part, this was very fun to watch. This was a war all the way through. Everybody got a chance to shine in this match. Piper in particular was very intense. He lights Flair up with lightning quick chops in the beginning. 10 minutes go by before an elimination is made and that should’ve been my first clue that this match was gonna have a stupid finish. Bulldog is out first, being pinned by the illegal man, Flair. But Warlord is next, pinned by Piper who was also illegal. Now, in the finish, everybody gets in the ring to fight, but Flair gets sent to the outside by Piper. And the referee disqualifies everybody who was in the ring, making Flair the sole survivor for his team… LAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!! Even with the dumb finish, I had a lot of fun watching this match and I don’t want to rate it any lower for that because everybody was on point for this match.

My Rating: ****1/4

Match 2: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Sgt. Slaughter, Jim Duggan, El Matador & Texas Tornado def. Col. Mustafa, The Berzerker, Skinner & Hercules (14:19)

This match was 8 minutes shorter than the opener, but it somehow feels longer. This match stunk up the joint. The crowd is at least hot, but pretty much anything excited people back then. Mustafa is the first man eliminated by Slaughter with a clothesline. Hercules is next, eliminated by a forearm from Tito. Skinner is next, eliminated by Slaughter. And then the sole member of his team, The Berzerker is eliminated by a clothesline from Duggan. The babyface team gets a clean sweep.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: WWF Championship Match - The Undertaker def. Hulk Hogan (c) (12:45)

That’s right. This match wasn’t the main event, and it’s solely so they can book a rematch later on the show. A year after The Undertaker debuted, he’s getting a title shot against Hulk Hogan. And honestly, I’d say this had an interesting story. The Undertaker was being presented as someone you can’t hurt and the few offensive moves Hogan gets on him in this match doesn’t seem to hurt him. So I think this presented an interesting challenge for Hulk. Of course, normally when this happened, Hulk would beat them, because of course he does. But not here. Undertaker spends a lot of the match wearing down and choking Hogan. Until eventually, he gets Hulk up for a Tombstone and he hits it…. And Hogan gets up 3 seconds later and completely no sells it… Okay. Cool. Awesome. Fuck your finish kid. Now I understand, The Undertaker is pretty much doing the same with Hulk. But that’s part of his gimmick here! That’s different! Ric Flair comes down, Hogan goes out and hits him. But Paul Bearer gets on the apron and Taker gets Hogan up for another Tombstone while Flair slides a chair into the ring and Taker Tombstones Hogan onto the chair. Undertaker is the new WWF Champion… for a solid 6 days.

My Rating: *3/4

The next 10 minutes are interviews… no joke. We have 4 interviews in a row. With the last one being with Jack Tunney who books a rematch between Undertaker and Hogan at This Tuesday in Texas. It’s at this point in the show where Survivor Series is pretty much over and the rest is basically a commercial for This Tuesday in Texas.

Match 4: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - The Nasty Boys & The Beverly Brothers def. The Rockers & The Bushwhackers (23:06)

Well, just as I say that, they force me to watch this match for 23 minutes. The Rockers are really the only ones in this match who bring any life to this match. Most of this match is so boring to sit through. The Bushwhackers get their shit in early because they’re the first ones eliminated 10 minutes into the match. Now it’s 4 on 2 with The Rockers. The heel team spends a lot of the match isolating one man from their partner. Shawn eliminates Blake Beverly, but that’s the only person they manage to get out. Chaos ensues towards the end as both Rockers get in and Jannetty accidentally causes Shawn to get hit in the head. He picks one of the Nasty Boys up for a body slam and his feet hits Shawn in the face, allowing the other Nasty Boy to roll Shawn up from behind and eliminate him. This is the first tease of The Rockers breaking up. Shawn is pissed at Jannetty for causing that to happen. Jannetty fends off the heels for a short bit, but he’s pinned in a small package where his shoulder isn’t on the mat but the referee doesn’t see it.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Survivor Series Tag Team Elimination Match - Big Boss Man & The Legion of Doom def. I.R.S. & The Natural Disasters (15:21)

If you’re wondering why this is 3 on 3, Savage and Roberts were originally supposed to be in this match and it would’ve been better if they were honestly. At least then you can make a case for this going last. This match feels weird being the main event because it doesn’t feel like one. Boss Man was pretty quick for a big man at this time. He gets to show off early because he’s the first one eliminated. He gets hit with I.R.S’s briefcase and he’s taken out. But the heels fall apart soon after this. Typhoon holds Hawk and I.R.S. takes a swing at him with the briefcase, but he ends up hitting Typhoon, causing him to be eliminated. Earthquake is not too happy about this. He says we’re outta here. He grabs his partner and leaves. I.R.S. after a few minutes of 2 on 1, decides to do the same, but Boss Man comes back out and forces I.R.S. back to the ring. Hawk pins I.R.S. after a clothesline from the top rope. We don’t even get a Doomsday Device? LAAAAAAAAME!

My Rating: **

They gotta shoehorn one more advertisement for This Tuesday in Texas at the end. Gene Okerlund finds Undertaker and Paul Bearer in a dark smokey room. Paul Bearer and Undertaker promise to bury Hulkamania once and for all… But Hulk said “that doesn’t work for me brother.”

Cagematch Rating: 4.63

My Rating: 4/10

This show stunk so hard. It falls off the rails after the opener. Actually, I think I should say it falls off the rails during the opener because even that has a terrible finish.

Next time will be a one match show. But that one match I’m very much looking forward to rewatching. New Year’s Revolution 2005

Speaking on match quality, I find this better than 1999 Survivor Series (my pick for worst Survivor Series ever), but WWE really screwed their fans on this one. They hype this show up telling fans to go and buy this on PPV. Then, the big title match ends in controversy with a rematch scheduled for the following week at another PPV, plus, Savage and Roberts are taken off of this show and put on a match at the next week's PPV, so basically WWE is saying, "Thanks for wasting your hard earned money, now go and waste some more next week."

 

[Jarf]

I'm just not getting around to this, but the Armageddon Rules Match was an old school death match. WWE has never been too keen on using the term "Death Match" but they were popular in territorial Texas, ECW used it a couple of times, and I think that was the same rules as Randy Savage vs Crush at WrestleMania X.

Huh, the more you know

 

[Jarf]

Speaking on match quality, I find this better than 1999 Survivor Series (my pick for worst Survivor Series ever), but WWE really screwed their fans on this one. They hype this show up telling fans to go and buy this on PPV. Then, the big title match ends in controversy with a rematch scheduled for the following week at another PPV, plus, Savage and Roberts are taken off of this show and put on a match at the next week's PPV, so basically WWE is saying, "Thanks for wasting your hard earned money, now go and waste some more next week."

1999 was the dog shittiest, and yeah, '91 would've been a lot lower had that opener not saved it.

 

[Jarf]

SummerSlam 2007

Match 1: Kane def. Finlay (8:50)

A match JBL on commentary described as “monkey butt ugly.” Not good for an opener, but it’s okay I guess. It’s just boring. Kane dominates a good portion of this match, and Finlay targets the taped ribs of Kane. I lost count of how many times Michael said ribs during this match. Finlay brings out his ultimate weapon, Hornswoggle, who is only there to get gooseled by Kane. Finlay uses the shalaylee on Kane’s ribs and gets a 2 count. Kane wins this match with a Chokeslam.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 2: Intercontinental Championship Triple Threat Match - Umaga (c) def. Carlito & Mr. Kennedy (7:25)

Weird match because all 3 of these guys are heels. Although it looked like they were trying to turn Umaga into a face for a minute there. Honestly though, all 3 of these guys are underrated. Umaga should’ve gotten the monster heel world title push, not Khali. Umaga shows his dominance as Carlito and Kennedy can’t overpower him. So they have to outsmart Umaga. And soon enough, they realize they need to work together. And they do, and they momentarily take Umaga out of the match, but Umaga inevitably gets the win after a Samoan Spike on Kennedy.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 3: Rey Mysterio def. Chavo Guerrero (12:20)

The first of 2 returns this night, and that’s why my parents bought this show for me, because I was a huge fan of both guys returning this night. First of all, Rey Mysterio, who comes out looking like a jar of mayonnaise for some reason. Pretty good match, Rey shows hardly any ring rust. Chavo soon begins working over Rey’s knee which was the reason Rey was out of action. It’s a fast paced match in the latter half. Rey goes after Chavo’s knee as payback and Chavo hits a Gory Bomb which Rey kicks out of. Rey is able to hit a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, sending Chavo into the rope and Rey hits a 619 followed by a Splash to take the win in his return match.

My Rating: ***1/2

Match 4: Women’s Championship #1 Contenders Battle Royal - Beth Phoenix won by last eliminating Michelle McCool (7:10)

What a sloppy mess this match was. First of all, they low key insulted the females because the rules in the battle royal, you could eliminate opponents by throwing under the top rope, which probably means they didn’t trust them to throw each other over the ropes. What really doesn’t help this match is Jerry Lawler being a horny bastard the whole time. It comes down to Beth, Michelle and Torrie Wilson. Beth tosses Torrie out before picking up Michelle and dumping her over the ropes to become the number one contender.

My Rating: 1/2*

And Beth hardly has time to celebrate because a moment later, MVP’s music hits and he comes out with a couple guys carrying a cooler. He challenges Matt Hardy to a beer drinking contest. Matt comes out and says that since MVP got a replacement for their boxing match in the form of a legit professional boxer, Matt says he’s got a replacement in the form of Stone Cold Steve Austin and the crowd goes nuts. The glass shattering gets a huge pop no matter what year it is. Austin does some warmups before he grabs a beer and is about to toast MVP, before he just Stuns him.

Match 5: ECW Championship Match - John Morrison (c) def. CM Punk (7:21)

This match was on its way to being good, but 7 minutes doesn’t give you enough time to tell a good story. It’s back and forth, fast paced, and that made it a decent watch. As the match goes on, it looks like it might be Punk’s night, but he goes for a hurricanrana off the top rope and Morrison hangs onto the ropes and Punk falls to the mat. Morrison stacks Punk up and gets his feet on the ropes to get the 3.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 6: Triple H def. King Booker (7:55)

Now time for our second return of the night in a match not as good as the other one. Huge reaction for Triple H and he gets hyped up as he prepares to once again, bury Booker T. Now, this is a squash match. Unlike the Taker/Punk match I watched yesterday, this was a squash. Booker gets offense in yeah, but most of it is due to his wife’s interference. He hits the Book End, and goes up for the Houston Hangover, but Triple H moves out of the way, waits for Booker to get back up before he hits the Pedigree to win in his return.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 7: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Batista def. The Great Khali (c) via DQ (7:00)

2007 has gotta be one of the worst years in WWE history. For reasons onscreen and offscreen. It still boggles my mind what they were thinking putting the belt on Khali. Sure, realistically, he could kick your ass, but all his matches are so fucking hard to sit through! Most of this match is Khali pummeling Batista and it sucks. Batista hits a Spinebuster and is about to turn the tide, but Khali gets Batista up and drops him with a two-handed chokeslam. Batista kicks out and Khali’s manager who I’ve forgotten the name of, hands Khali a chair and Khali slams it into Batista’s back… Disqualification, because they to prolong Khali’s title reign for some reason I suppose. Can’t have any nice things I guess. Batista Spears Khali and wails on him with the chair because he’s pissed and I bet everyone else was too.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: WWE Championship Match - John Cena (c) def. Randy Orton (21:18)

Back to back PPVs with a Cena/Orton match on it. Really good match, but the wrong man won. Especially due to how this match is booked. I also remember this match being better, but it doesn’t reach that level for me. This match has a hot crowd however, they are ready for Cena to lose this title because I’m sure everyone had money on Randy winning this. It’s been nearly a year of Cena as champ, Orton is hot and looks as dangerous as ever. Seems obvious. But nah, Cena wins LOL. Seriously though, I’ve never seen such a pop for a headlock before, they want Cena to lose so bad. Orton is in control for so much of this match. He totally outclasses Cena in this match and has him scouted at nearly every turn. Cena fights back later with his five moves of doom. He hits a top rope leg drop to the back of the head. Orton hangs Cena up on the top rope and is looking for an RKO, but he instead goes for the punt kick, which Cena dodges before he drop toe holds Orton into an STF. Orton hangs on and hangs on and finally reaches the bottom rope. Cena gets his bearings before Orton pops up to hit an RKO, and looks like he hurts his knee in the process. He crawls over and covers Cena, but Cena kicks out. Orton tries to get Cena back up, but Cena pops up and hits an FU to retain the title. Cena. Wins. El. Oh. El. I made this match sound worse than it was, but it was good.

My Rating: ***1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.12

My Rating: 4/10

I think this show is a serious contender for worst SummerSlam ever. It has good stuff on it, but most of it is either bad or boring or feels utterly pointless. It’s definitely a contender for best SummerSlam stage though.

Next up is not the first Royal Rumble, but the first Royal Rumble PPV, back when the match had absolutely no stakes at all. Royal Rumble 1989.

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 1989

The show starts with Vince McMahon unintentionally comedically screaming the names of literally every participant in the Royal Rumble Match.

Match 1: 2 Out of 3 Falls 6-Man Tag Team Match - Jim Duggan & The Hart Foundation def. Dino Bravo & The Fabulous Rougeaus (17:54)

An okay match to start off the show. Even if they look like they’re confused by what they’re supposed to do next at some points. The Foundation and Duggan get their opponents on the ropes early, but the heels score the first fall after a double team move from the Rougueas on Bret Hart. They isolate Bret from his corner, but Bret fights his way to his corner to tag Jim Duggan, who turns the tide for his team and scores the second fall by pinning Raymond. 6 minutes go by in the 3rd fall and chaos ensues in the final few minutes and with the referee distracted, Duggan hits Bravo in the back of the head and allows Bret to cover him for the faces to win.

My Rating: **3/4

Match 2: Women’s Championship Match - Rockin’ Robin (c) def. Judy Martin (6:24)

I know Rockin’ Robin was the Women’s Champion for a very long time during this period, but this is my first time seeing one of her matches. Aside from the fact that they couldn’t figure out how to do a small package, this was okay. It’s just so incredibly heatless, which isn’t surprising. Nice finish though. As Judy Martin irish whips her to the corner and Robin leaps onto the second ropes and teases leaping back onto Judy, but Judy drops to the ground. Robin psychs her out and when Judy gets up, Robin hits a crossbody to retain.

My Rating: **

Up next is something I can’t believe they shilled out on a show people paid for. This is the most agonizing segment I’ve ever had to sit through. Rick Rude challenged Ultimate Warrior to a posedown, and Warrior accepted. That’s all this is. There’s no catch, there’s no twist, they just take turns doing poses… This segment went on… FOR 20 MINUTES! 20 minutes I was forced to sit through these two posing just to get a payoff that even a blind man could’ve seen coming! That Sable/Torrie bikini contest isn’t sounding so bad now honestly. They go through four poses, despite the fact I’m pretty sure Warrior won at the 3rd pose! They let the fans cheers decide who won each round of posing and Warrior won 3 in a row so there is no point in doing a 4th! So big surprise, Warrior is declared the winner and Rude hits him with a twister bar that he brought to the ring with him.

Match 3: Singles Match for the King’s Crown - King Haku def. Harley Race (9:01)

Two legit tough men in this match. Honestly, this should’ve been better, but it’s pretty boring. They do start to headbutt the hell out of each other and they try to make it feel like it’s a legitimate fight. You also have Bobby Heenan at ringside, cheering for no one in particular because he’s gonna side with whoever wins. They get to the point where they’re getting punch drunk, and Haku pins Harley after a kick to the jaw.

My Rating: **1/2

Main Event: Royal Rumble Match - Big John Studd won by last eliminating Ted DiBiase (1:05:03)

This was at a point in time where the Royal Rumble was still fresh, but had no stakes. The winner wasn’t granted an automatic title shot at WrestleMania. I did not find myself enjoying this match. It isn’t booked against the fan’s interests like the 2015 Rumble or overbooked to death like the ‘99 Rumble. It’s just very, very, very boring. It also doesn’t help that the time between entrants was 2 minutes at the time, which was too long. It’s so weird how just 30 seconds can make a difference. I’ll give this match this, it has a great start and really picks up halfway through. Ax and Smash from Demolition are numbers 1 and 2, which was probably the best way they could’ve started this match. They fight amongst each other to really sell the “every man for himself” factor of the match. Andre is number 3 and Mr. Perfect is number 4, and he is the Iron Man of the match. Jake Roberts is eliminated surprisingly quick by Andre, but he comes back later with Damien. And Andre retreats over the top rope in a panic. The match picks up in the middle because you got Savage, Hogan, The Brain Busters and The Rockers and Perfect in there. Hogan soon runs roughshod and eliminates multiple people, including his fellow Mega Power, Randy Savage. Savage gets back in the ring and gets in Hogan’s face. Elizabeth runs down and gets them to make peace and they shake hands. Boss Man and Akeem are the next two entrants and they double team and eliminate Hogan. And I’ll never understand how Hogan was a babyface because even in kayfabe, Hogan was a piece of shit. He eliminates Boss Man after he’s already been eliminated like a sore fucking loser. The match really slows down and it stays that way for the rest of the match. Nobody is eliminated until DiBiase comes out at number 30. It comes down to Studd and DiBiase, and DiBiase tries to buy off. But Studd refuses and toys with DiBiase for a minute before he tosses him out. Virgil gets in after Studd wins, and he gets tossed around too before he gets thrown over the top rope too. And I’m pretty sure Studd retires later this year. He wins a Rumble and then leaves, which ya know what, good for him. But what was the point?

My Rating: **1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.13

My Rating: 3/10

I don’t get how this show even has a 5, because this stunk. Maybe 80s wrestling isn’t for me, but for the life of me, I can’t get what made this so compelling for fans of that period.

We’re not quite done with the Rumbles just yet. Chris Jericho should’ve really won this one. Royal Rumble 2012.

 

[BSE]

I don’t get how this show even has a 5, because this stunk. Maybe 80s wrestling isn’t for me, but for the life of me, I can’t get what made this so compelling for fans of that period.

I'm also 24 and I'd argue 80s wrestling hasn't aged well. You just had to be there.

 

[Skyefire]

JBL saying that a match is going to be "Monkey butt ugly" is like saying it's a Slobberknocker, a lot of punches, not a lot of technical wrestling.

Perhaps the reason you've never seen Rockin' Robin is because she only had a dozen or so TV matches and her only other PPV match was the first Survivor Series. There just wasn't a lot of women's wrestlers at the time, especially in WWF.

 

[Jarf]

Royal Rumble 2012

Match 1: World Heavyweight Championship Triple Threat Steel Cage Match - Daniel Bryan (c) def. Big Show & Mark Henry (9:10)

You could not have the stacked the deck against Bryan any more in this match, and yet he goes into this match with absolutely no fear. How can you not root for this guy? That being said, this match was what I expected from it. Big Show and Mark Henry toss Bryan around into the cage and occasionally beat on each other. Bryan stays in it, using his wits and even brings the two bigger men down a couple times. I would also say this match went the perfect amount of time. Not too short, not too long. Big Show knocks out Mark Henry with a KO punch and Bryan breaks up the pin, then tries to climb up over the cage and Big Show follows him. In the end, Big Show is sitting at the top of the cage and hanging onto Bryan’s wrist, who is just hanging above the floor. Big Show loses his grip and Bryan drops to the floor, retaining his title. YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

My Rating: ***

Match 2: Beth Phoenix, Natalya & The Bella Twins def. Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Alicia Fox & Tamina (5:30)

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! Oh wait… sorry about that. Anyway, this match was… definitely happening. It isn’t bad, it’s just so heatless. They have one spot where Kelly Kelly dives off the top rope onto everyone on the outside. However, Beth aggressively tags herself in and puts Kelly away with a Glam Slam.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 3: John Cena vs. Kane ended in a double countout (12:00)

Great, now I get to talk about one of the worst storylines that buried one of the most over guys in the company… Fuck me. Poor Zack Ryder got over on his fucking own. And Vince saw that and instead of going “maybe this guy has potential,” he thought “let’s bury this fool.” This whole storyline makes everybody involved in it… LOOK TERRIBLE! And the thing is that this storyline was designed to get Cena cheered and it did the complete fucking opposite because it just made him look like a horrible friend to Zack honestly. He lets this guy get his ass kicked by Kane on a weekly basis and then makes out with the girl he’s into. It’s so bad! It’s so soap opera shit bad! And why was Zack even at this show anyway? “To see Cena kick Kane’s ass.” You couldn’t do that at home you dumbass?! Anyway, I’ll talk about this match now. It starts out pretty good honestly, it starts with some nice brawling, but it soon descends into your not interesting Cena match. Rest holds, comeback spot, a couple AA attempts, although Cena never hits one. Because they end up going outside and get double counted out. They brawl backstage and Kane finds Zack’s private room that Laurinaitis gave to him. Kane wheels Ryder out in a wheelchair. Eve is out there and begs Kane to stop, but Kane Tombstones Ryder just in time for Cena to come back out and get Chokeslammed. Kane leaves, some EMTs get Ryder on a stretcher and once again, one of the most over guys in the company is made to look like a joke. Also, remember how I said this storyline was meant to get Cena cheered? The fans are saying Cena sucks as we go to the next segment or match.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 4: Brodus Clay def. Drew McIntyre (1:05)

This is where I thought Drew’s career was over. They squashed in a minute and I thought “they don’t care about this guy anymore.” Brodus does a running crossbody to literally squash Drew and beat him. Moving on.

Match 5: WWE Championship Match with John Laurinaitis as Special Referee - CM Punk (c) def. Dolph Ziggler (14:30)

A match that is really good, could’ve been better, but sadly gets derailed by the Punk/Laurinaitis angle they’re going for. But Laurinaitis has a job evaluation the next night, so he’s trying to look as professional as possible. So he gets another referee to officiate inside, while he’s on the outside. First thing he does is send Vickie Guerrero to the back. These two worked very well together. Some really cool counters, and it’s back and forth for the most part. But when the referee gets knocked down, the match gets derailed by the fact that Laurnaitis is checking on this referee while Punk has Dolph tapping out to the Anaconda Vice. CM Punk rolls Dolph up and has him beat again. He hits the GTS and pins him again. “I just beat him three times!” Punk yells to the outside at Laurinaitis. Punk’s GTS gets reversed into a Fameasser by Dolph at one point, which was a great counter. Punk puts Dolph away with one more GTS that Laurinaitis practically lunges to count along with the referee in the ring. Punk retains in the match of the night.

My Rating: ***1/2

Main Event: Royal Rumble Match - Sheamus won by last eliminating Chris Jericho (54:55)

In the previous year’s Royal Rumble, Booker T and Diesel both were surprise entrants and got huge pops. WWE saw that and decided this year’s rumble was going to be 70% surprises. And I have nothing against surprise entrants, I think they’re really great. But this was an overabundance of it. The Miz and Cody Rhodes are going to be in the match for most of it, with Miz being number 1 and Cody being number 4 and both of them lasting until number 30. Surprise entrants in this year’s rumble included Mick Foley, Ricardo Rodriguez, Jerry Lawler, Booker T, Jim Duggan, Michael Cole, Kharma (which admittedly was really cool) and Road Dogg. Dolph Ziggler and Big Show both were in World Title Matches and both had entrants in the match, which doesn’t make any sense in kayfabe because that would mean, they had 2 spots that just happened to be available at the very last minute. So what would they have done if they couldn’t fill those two spots. It’s also a pretty boring rumble, like nobody really expects the first 20 entrants to actually win the thing so, it’s just heatless. I’ll give this match a few points however, because 1, the Kharma entrance was cool. 2, this was the first of a tradition of Kofi saving himself from elimination, this year was the handstand that started it all. 3, this match has one of my favorite final 2s ever. The final four is Sheamus, Jericho, Orton and Big Show. Sheamus and Jericho go on to have a mini match for the next several minutes, full of false finishes. It’s an exciting final few minutes that sadly I don’t think anyone talks about because… the wrong man won. This was Jericho’s rumble to win, and rumor has it that he was going to win, but everybody and their grandmother was predicting Jericho, so WWE changed it to subvert our expectations and say “bet you feel really stupid now, huh?” So thanks for that Dirt Sheets. Jericho ended up in the WWE Title match at WrestleMania anyway, but considering he just came back after being gone for over a year, probably not a good thing to have him lose immediately to a guy who up until this point, didn’t really have a direction.

My Rating: **3/4

Cagematch Rating: 5.14

My Rating: 4.5/10

I was not a fan of this rumble. It’s not the worst show I’ve ever seen, but it’s far from being good. It’s just such a lame show. Trying to get us to cheer Cena, overbooking the WWE Title match, and that extremely underwhelming Rumble Match make me give this show a 4.5.

Up next, we are heading back to 1995. Fuck. But hey, this one at least has one match at the end that I absolutely love watching. In Your House: Seasons Beatings.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 5: Seasons Beatings

Match 1: Razor Ramon & Marty Jannetty def. Sid & 1-2-3 Kid (12:22)

A very meh match. The main story here is between Razor & The Kid. The Kid stabbing Razor in the back and joining up with Ted DiBiase. They’re both briefly in the ring together but when Marty gets tagged back in, the heels isolate him from Razor. Meanwhile Goldust is in the crowd with his own personal being horny for Razor… so that’s something. Razor eventually gets tagged back in and dukes it out with Sid. Razor wins the match for this team with a bulldog from the second rope. Kid tries to come in to stop it, but he’s too late and Razor picks him up with a Razor’s Edge, but Sid saves his ass. Pulling to the outside by the ankle.

My Rating: **1/2

Match 2: Ahmed Johnson def. Buddy Landell (0:42)

Despite this next match being under a minute, this next part of the show somehow takes up at least 15. Before the match, Jerry Lawler has Jeff Jarrett come out so they can talk about country music or whatever the fuck. I don’t know. I tuned out most of this promo. Dean Douglas comes out and says that the doctors haven’t cleared him to compete, so he’s found a replacement… Ric Fla- Buddy Landell. Seriously, Buddy comes out here dressed like Flair, walking like Flair, even has the same music. They weren’t even trying to be subtle about this. Ahmed goes out and squashes him. Then Lawler pulls Ahmed to the side so he and Jarrett can insult him, which is stupid because look at Ahmed. Ahmed and Jarrett end up fighting to the back after a 15 minute segment with a match thrown in there.

Match 3: Hog Pen Match with Hillbilly Jim as Special Referee - Hunter Hearst Helmsley def. Henry Godwinn (8:58)

I hate Henry Godwinn so much. Watching him wrestle is torturous. You gotta give it to Hunter here, he was given a bad opponent and a bad match and did his best with it. And come to think of it, why did this match need a special referee? There was a pen filled with hogs sitting at ringside and you win by throwing your opponent into it. This match dragged the hell on too. I thought it was longer than it was. Hunter at some point, gets cut on his back, and you can clearly see blood running down his back. It isn’t much, but the fact that it happened in this match is very unfortunate. Hunter back drops Henry into the pen and wins the match, but he gets brought into the pen too. I’m seriously hoping Hunter got his shots before this match. This match just goes to show that if Vince has a “comedic” idea, talk him out of it, because he is the only person who will think it’s funny.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 4: Owen Hart def. Diesel via DQ (4:34)

Weird match here, Diesel was seemingly a heel here. He attacked Bret after losing the belt at Survivor Series, (thank fuck), but he’s still Shawn Michaels’ best friend… so he’s a tweener, I guess? Owen claims he was the one who put Shawn out of action, so Diesel is here to avenge his bud. This match starts good. Diesel throws Owen around at first, but Owen attacks Diesel’s legs. Forcing a limping Diesel to come back. And he hits a Jackknife and puts his foot on Owen’s chest, but takes it off, then picks him back up so he can set up another Jackknife. And for some reason, the referee tries to stop him, so Diesel pushes him to the floor and the ref DQ’s him. And Diesel hits another Jackknife anyway. Then motions that he wants the title back, as if he didn’t have it for almost a whole year. The last thing they needed was another Diesel title reign.

My Rating: **1/4

Match 5: Casket Match - The Undertaker def. King Mabel (6:11)

Ooh, this match sucked. This was horrible. Mabel is still just as bad as he was at King of the Ring, which they once again referenced, where Mabel beat Undertaker in the Semi-Finals. Mabel just squashes Taker a bunch, then has Mo throw Taker into the casket. And instead of closing the lid, Mabel walks around the ring like a dumbass taunting the crowd. He casually strolls over to shut it, but those 9 hours of rest Undertaker got allowed him to recover, and he fires shots at Mabel. Giving him a Chokeslam, before pushing him into the casket. Mo comes in and tries to stop Undertaker himself, but he gets a Tombstone. Undertaker throws him in the casket too, grabs what remains of the urn off Mo’s neck and shuts the lid. Then Undertaker motions that he wants the WWF Title.

My Rating: DUD

Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Bret Hart (c) def. British Bulldog (21:09)

Now this is something I can get into. This match was so damn good! They reference Wembley Stadium a bunch, even going as far as to have Bulldog wear the same tights he wore when he beat Bret at SummerSlam. The first half of this match isn’t anything special, it’s mostly just Bulldog wearing Bret down. However, when Bret starts making the comeback, it’s compelling all the way through. Both mens technique is flawless throughout this. Bret perches Bulldog on the top rope for a superplex, but Bulldog throws Bret off and crotches him on the ropes. Bret falls to the outside, where Bulldog follows him and throws him into the steel steps, which busts Bret open bad. Bulldog throws Bret back in and beats on him some more. Bret reverses Bulldog and tries to put on a Sharpshooter, a desparate Sharpshooter, but Bulldog is able to avoid it and beat on Bret some more. Bret fights back once again, and back drops Bulldog over the top rope to the floor. Bret dives on him over the ropes, and in my favorite spot of the match, one that sticks out in my mind since I first watched this match. Bret on the apron, springs off the second rope, but Bulldog catches him and Powerslams him on the outside! One would think Bret is out after that, but nope, he keeps going and soon has Bulldog in trouble. Bret irish whips Bulldog across the ring, and Bulldog hits the corner upside down and landing on his head which was gross! Bret hits a top rope superplex which Bulldog kicks out of. Bulldog tries to roll up Bret from behind, but Bret continues to roll and gets a close two count. Bret eventually pins Bulldog by leverage pinning Bulldog (I don’t know what kind of pin he used is called, so I’m sorry). This match was awesome! Proof that Bret Hart was the main man in WWF at this point.

My Rating: ****1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.15

My Rating: 5/10

Great main event with a shit undercard that I couldn’t care less about. Watch Bret vs Bulldog because that is very much worth watching, but skip everything else.

Up next will be another In Your House event, and that one has much in common with this one. Great main event, shit undercard. Over the Edge 1998.

 

[Jarf]

Just heard the news, 20 minutes ago, in a Burger King drive-thru nonetheless, that one of my favorite wrestlers, a guy who I've been singing the praises of for the last 10 years. A guy who I personally believe is one of the smartest men in professional wrestling. Even after all the shit that he's been forced to do in his career, I never stopped being a fan. My belief in him never faded, I always believed he was destined for greatness. One of my wrestling heroes, Bray Wyatt has passed away. And I've been in an almost zombie-like trance since then. No matter, I've always loved Bray. I thought all his characters were interesting, and I always thought he should've been given more. I was ecstatic when he won the WWE Title, when most people I think grew cold on him due to his booking, because I believed if you give this guy the world, he could've ran with it. Even after the Pitch Black match, I still believed in him because this man was a genius.

I just wanted to come on here, and say, thank you Windham Rotunda, for the years of entertainment you've provided for me and all your fans. I'm not religious at all. But if there is an afterlife, I hope that Bray and Brodie have already found each other.

 

[Jarf]

In Your House 22: Over the Edge

Match 1: LOD 2000 def. The Disciples of Apocalypse (8-Ball & Skull) (9:56)

Starting this show with a real stinker are we? I hate watching The Harris Brothers so much, this was no different. It is a step above the match they would later have at Fully Loaded, but not by much. Skull is in DOA’s corner while Sunny and Droz are in LOD’s corner. LOD are in control for the first half of the match, but DOA quickly turn the tide and isolate Hawk from Animal, who turns the match around completely. DOA try doing twin magic, but Droz hits the DOA member who is in the ring, and Animal wins the match with a Powerslam. So that sucked, but the good news is, that was also the worst match of the night, so we can only go up from here.

My Rating: *1/4

Match 2: Jeff Jarrett def. Steve Blackman (10:18)

I may be in the minority on this one… but pretty solid match here. Steve Blackman looked really good in this match, and Jeff Jarrett was a good heel foul for the martial artist. I went into it not expecting a whole lot, but very good stuff here. Blackman whoops Jarrett’s ass for the better part of 5 minutes, before Jarrett turns the match around and wears down Blackman. Blackman eventually says he’s sick of this shit, and hits Jarrett with a stick while Tennessee Lee is accidentally distracting the ref. Blackman covers Jeff, but Jeff gets his foot on the bottom rope. Blackman goes to the top rope, but Tennessee hits Blackman with the stick to send him to the mat and Jarrett covers him to win.

My Rating: ***

Match 3: Marc Mero def. Sable (0:21)

This was… something. The stipulation of this match is that if whoever Sable found to fight Mero won, she would get her freedom, but if Mero won, Sable is out of the WWF. Sable comes out and all I can think is “boing, boing, boing.” Them things were thinging. Anyway, Sable tells Mero that she’s gonna fight him and Mero pretty much gaslights her. He sees he’s gonna give Sable her freedom, and says ring the bell. And Mero lays down, Sable gets on top of him. Mero reverses it and pins Sable to the mat to send her packing… for at least a day, or however long it took for her to comeback.

Match 4: 3-on-2 Handicap Match - Kaientai def. Bradshaw & Taka Michinoku (9:54)

What a random ass match. It has it’s moments, but it’s painfully uninteresting. First of all, why is this match happening and why Bradshaw and Taka of all pairings? I don’t have a problem with it, but why. Bradshaw does very little in this match. Whenever he’s the legal man, Kaientai just run from him. Kaientai isolates Taka for a while until Bradshaw gets the tag and roughs up Kaientai. Taka gets tagged back in, and is about to win the match with a Michinoku Driver, but the pin is broken up and Kaientai wins after Men’s Teioh hits a senton on Taka from the top rope and Bradshaw does nothing to stop it.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 5: Intercontinental Championship Match - The Rock (c) def. Faarooq (5:02)

After the opening match, The Rock came out to insult the audience and Faarooq runs out to attack him. Faarooq piledrivers Rock into a steel chair, and some EMTs come out and put a brace on The Rock’s neck. I was expecting this to be an angle where The Rock was faking an injury to get out of the match, but Sgt. Slaughter states The Rock must defend his title or be stripped of it, and Rock comes out, still has the brace on and surprisingly, he just has a bad neck now. No twist. The only thing is, it doesn’t come into play at all during the match, so what was even the point of doing it? Vince Russo booked it, that’s what. And trying to figure out his thought process requires your brain to be a hamster running on a wheel. The match isn’t special, it’s pretty boring actually. Faarooq pins The Rock for the three, but his foot was on the ropes so the match continues. Later, Rock pins Faarooq with his feet on the ropes again, but the referee doesn’t see it. Faarooq jumps The Rock and The Nation run down to save their leader from their former leader. DX runs down to brawl with the Nation before we move on.

My Rating: *1/2

Match 6: Mask vs. Mask Match - Kane def. Vader (7:20)

This match was not very good. It isn’t horrible, but it has nowhere near as interesting a story as the one for their No Way Out Match. Pretty obvious story here if you remember some of my previous reviews. Kane took Vader out of action at No Way Out by swinging a giant fucking wrench at his face. Vader attacked Kane during his match with Undertaker at Unforgiven. Most of this match is dominated by Kane. Vader rarely gets a shot in, so its very unlike their No Way Out Match where Vader gave Kane his biggest fight yet. While Paul Bearer is distracting the referee, Vader grabs a big fucking wrench out from under the ring and hits Kane… in the gut and the back… He hit you in the fucking head with this Vader! Why would you not want to retaliate?! Vader goes for a moonsault, but he misses and Kane picks him up for a Tombstone to win the match. Kane takes Vader’s mask off and puts it on Paul Bearer’s face. Which admittedly, Paul Bearer strutting around with Vader’s mask was pretty funny, just because he looked so ridiculous. Now this post match promo, while it sucked, it got a pop from me because it’s a meme among the NewLegacy community whenever Vader gets brought up. Which if you’ve never heard of NewLegacy, look them up because they are a funny group of gentlemen. Vader says he got his ass whooped, and calls himself a “BIG FAT PIECE OF SHIT!” Again, shitty promo, but because it’s a meme I had been hearing for years, and had no idea where it came from, this made me pop.

My Rating: *3/4

Match 7: The Nation (Owen Hart, D’Lo Brown & The Godfather) def. D-Generation X (Triple H & The New Age Outlaws) (18:33)

Not a bad match on paper, but this match was boring as fuck. The Nation isolates Road Dogg for forever, which I think is what happened last time Road Dogg was on a PPV. Road Dogg is always the one who gets his ass kicked and makes the hot tag. Road Dogg eventually, eventually, makes the tag to Triple H and a brawl breaks out between everyone, including Mark Henry, Chyna and X-Pac on the outside. Triple H brings one of the Tag Titles in the ring and they hit D’Lo with a Spike Piledriver on the belt. Clearly the referee has lost track of who the legal man is because Owen comes in and hits a Pedigree on Triple H onto the belt which was a cool finish to the match. Owen beats Hunter with his own move after losing to him at the last 2 PPVs.

My Rating: **

Main Event: WWF Championship Falls Count Anywhere Match with Vince McMahon as Special Referee - Steve Austin (c) def. Dude Love (22:28)

They really stacked the deck against Austin in this match. But this is a good way of having your babyface overcoming the odds because a great deal of luck came into play for Austin to win this match too. Not only is Vince the referee, but Gerald Brisco is the bell ringer and Pat Patterson is the ring announcer, which I don’t know why that would help, but its whatever. Oh, also Undertaker is out there to make sure Vince doesn’t try to screw Austin. Now this match was awesome! It’s your Attitude Era Main Event with a lot of brawling. It starts out as a regular match, but Vince tells Pat to say, that this match was No Disqualifications, prompting Jim Ross to yell “since when?!” Dude Love hits a neckbreaker on the entrance way, and Vince runs over to Pat to “remind” everyone that this match is Falls Count Anywhere. Again, Jim Ross says “since when?!” The entrance way is littered with old cars and they use that environment for the next several minutes which was really cool. There’s a spot where Austin goes for a Stunner on top of a car and Foley tosses him off and Austin flies over another car off the screen. The final few minutes of this match, the crowd is going insane. Austin hits a Stunner on Foley and covers him, but Vince refuses to count the pin. Austin gets up and yells at Vince, but Foley grabs a chair and Austin moves out of the way just in time so Foley hits Vince with the chair instead. Foley puts the Mandible Claw on Austin, and makes Austin drop to the mat. Pat Patterson goes in to count the pin, but Undertaker yanks him out of the ring and puts him through one of the announce tables! Gerald Brisco tries to count it now and he also eats a Chokeslam through the Spanish announce table! Foley gets the Mandible Claw on Austin again, but Austin stuns him with the claw still on. He drags Vince’s limp body over and covers Foley, slamming Vince’s hand into the mat 1, 2, 3. Austin retains against all odds, but like I said before, it doesn’t make Austin look invincible like what they did for most of Cena’s run. It took a lucky chair shot and The Undertaker for Austin to retain his title. This was an awesome match from start to finish!

My Rating: ****1/2

Cagematch Rating: 5.17

My Rating: 5/10

Much like the last In Your House I watched, this one had a bad undercard with a classic main event. But I guess I’ll put this show slightly above Seasons Beatings, because we had at least got a solid sleeper match between Jarrett and Blackman, plus I think Austin vs Foley on this show is better than Bret vs Bulldog on the last show.

Next up we’re going to a bad year for WWF, with SummerSlam 1993. But I just want to say some words before I get off here.

This has been a terrible week to be a wrestling fan. On Wednesday, we lost one of the all time greats in Terry Funk, and then the next day, we lost one of the most creative geniuses in all of pro wrestling, and an amazing human being in Bray Wyatt. And I think it’s important to remember who they were and the legacies they left behind, and it’s even more important to hug your loved ones and let them know you love them. In a generation of wrestlers, where you hear about the scummiest shit some of them did, I’ve never heard anyone say anything terrible about Terry Funk. He was one of the good ones. And I’ve seen everyone who knew Bray Wyatt pour their heart out and talk about how much of a sweetheart he was. And how he always went out of his way to make you feel welcomed. Everybody called Bray Wyatt the next Undertaker, when that simply wasn’t true. Because he was the first Bray Wyatt.

Tell your family and friends you love them because you never know when your last chance to do it will be.

 

[Skyefire]

That main event was definitive Attitude Era. One of my all time favorite matches. Oddly enough quite a few of my all time favorite matches involve Mick Foley losing (HIAC vs Undertaker, Royal Rumble vs Triple H, Backlash vs Randy Orton, WrestleMania vs Edge).

I think when Sable came back on TV she was working for Mr. McMahon. I seem to remember her being in his skybox with him at King of the Ring. Kaientai vs Taka & Bradshaw wasn't totally random since Taka had been feuding with them before he eventually joined them and basically ruined the rest of his WWE run. Kane vs Vader could have been better if Vader wasn't past his prime. I think this was meant to make Kane look dominant after his two losses to The Undertaker. But the mask stipulation was dumb. Not only does Vader's mask not cover very much and it's easy to see what he looks like, but in many of matches throughout his career he would voluntarily remove his mask during the match.