WrestleMania V
This is probably going to be one of my worst reviews ever, because there was 14 matches on this show and almost all of them were the fuckin’ same.
Match 1: Hercules def. King Haku (6:57)
Start off with this match… which was okay. Hercules starts overpowering Haku, but after a distraction from Heenan on the outside, Haku takes control. There is one spot that stands out which was Hercules, diving off the top rope, and catching a side kick from Haku but other than that, nothing really special. Haku misses a dive from the top rope and Hercules drops him with a back suplex to win the match.
My Rating: **1/4
Match 2: The Twin Towers def. The Rockers (8:02)
The Rockers get more offense in this match than I expected them to. They start off trying to frustrate their bigger opponents and trying to wear them down, and it’s going well until Jannetty gets bowled over by Boss Man. They crush Jannetty for a few minutes until Shawn gets back in and turns the tide temporarily. They go for a double dropkick from the top rope. But they mess it up because Jannetty kicks Boss Man to the ground and Shawn kicks solid air. Jannetty gets sent out of the ring, while Shawn comes off the top and gets caught in a powerbomb from Boss Man. Akeem comes back in and hits a splash on Shawn to win.
My Rating: **1/2
Match 3: Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake ended in a double countout (10:01)
Welp, it’s a Beefcake match. Now this is what I mean by every match feeling the same. This goes pretty much the same way the opener did. Babyface is rocking early, manager involvement, heel wears down the babyface. The only thing that makes this worse is that it’s longer and slower, and there’s also not a thing that stands out in this match. Beefcake chases Virgil outside the ring and DiBiase follows him, and they brawl to a countout.
My Rating: *1/2
Match 4: The Bushwhackers def. The Fabulous Rougeaus (9:10)
Oof, this was awful. Even for the 80s style, The Bushwhackers sucked. The Rougeaus isolate one of them for a while, and the Bushwhacker bumps like a tree falling in the woods. The Rougeaus celebrate before the match is even over and it costs them. The Bushwhackers do their headbutt ram spot and they take the win in a shitty match.
My Rating: DUD
Match 5: Mr. Perfect def. The Blue Blazer (5:38)
So strange how they gave this match only 5 minutes when they gave the Bushwhackers almost 10. For how short this was, it was exciting. They filled in the match with some amazing stuff. Perfect tries to psyche Owen out early with some slaps but Owen slaps him back. Owen comes off the top rope, but Perfect gets his knees him and wears down Owen. But Owen fights back. These 2 show good chemistry. Owen tries to win it with a crucifix pin, but Perfect kicks out and hits a Perfect Plex to win the match.
My Rating: ***
Match 6: WWF Tag Team Championship 3-on-2 Handicap Match - Demolition (c) def. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji (8:20)
Okay, here we go again. You know the drill, hot babyface start, heel wear down, then take it home. Ax makes the mistake of trying to attack Fuji, and then Barbarian and Warlord take him down and wear him out, until Smash gets in there and turns the tide. But he gets knocked down, and the heels make the worst mistake that they could’ve, which was tag in Fuji. Warlord holds Smash in place, and Fuji tries to throw salt in his eyes, but Smash dodges it because this spot never works. Demolition hit their finisher which I’m not sure ever had a name on Fuji to retain their titles which they won at the previous WrestleMania.
My Rating: **1/4
Match 7: Dino Bravo def. Ronnie Garvin (3:06)
They bring out Jimmy Snuka for literally no reason before the match starts. Legit, Dino and Ronnie are in the ring already and then Snuka comes out just to pose and then leave. Dino uses his power advantage to wear down Ronnie, but then Ronnie comes back and proceeds to whip his ass until the finish which was just a side slam by Dino.
My Rating: **
Match 8: The Brain Busters def. Strike Force (9:17)
This is where the Martel heel turn happens. The match starts off great actually. Strike Force are working together. There’s a cool spot where Martel is stuck in the heel corner and he’s walloping them with strikes to escape. Strike Force put Arn and Tully in dueling Figure 4s. Things fall apart for Santana because he accidentally hits Martel with a Forearm and because it’s wrestling and everyone is an idiot, he thinks he did it on purpose I guess. Lolz. The Busters wear down Santana for some time until Santana tries to tag Martel, who gets off and walks away. The Busters put Santana away with a Spike Piledriver. So solid match, but not great.
My Rating: ***
Okay, this next segment made absolutely no sense, which is why I think it’s a testament of how great Roddy Piper was that he was able to make this entertaining. It’s a Piper’s Pit segment with Brother Love and something Downey Jr.. No, not Iron Man. There’s really not much to talk about here, because I couldn’t follow most of it. But Piper has a mic and he’s roasting people so that’s good enough for me. It ends with him blowing a fire extinguisher in Downey’s face because he had a lit cigarette.
Match 9: Singles Match with Big John Studd as Special Referee - Jake Roberts def. Andre the Giant via DQ (9:44)
John Studd has to be the most unremarkable Rumble winner ever. He wins it and then referees a match at Mania. Also, John Studd is the OG Red Shoes. This match actually has a unique start. Heenan must have taken the turnbuckle pad off, because as soon as Jake gets in the ring, Andre rams his head into it. Other than that, this match isn’t special. Andre wears down Jake for a while. Jake rams Andre’s face into the exposed turnbuckle and brings Andre to his knees with some punches. While Jake grabs his sack filled with snake, Andre attacks John Studd, and DiBiase runs down to grab the sack from Jake. Jake chases them and goes after them while Andre chokes Studd in the ring. It’s a mess. Jake throws Damien in the ring and Andre runs away while Studd calls for the DQ.
My Rating: *
Match 10: The Hart Foundation def. Greg Valentine & Honky Tonk Man (7:40)
Solid match, but again. Nothing special. The Hart Foundation starts hot, Honky and Greg wear down Bret. You know how this goes at this point. Bret makes the hot tag to Neidhart who takes both heels down with shoulder tackles and dropkicks, impressive for a man of his size. The finish is kinda cool with Neidhart chasing Jimmy Hart around the ring and grabbing his megaphone. He tosses it to Bret in the ring who hits Honky with it with the referee’s back turned and The Hart Foundation are the winners.
My Rating: **1/4
Match 11: Intercontinental Championship Match - Rick Rude def. Ultimate Warrior (c) (9:36)
Rick Rude was one of Warrior’s best opponents. He takes some nasty back bumps to make Warrior look good. Warrior overwhelms Rude at first, but Rude takes control and starts wearing down Warrior. But Warrior starts to pump with gas from the rocket engine and the stars of the little Warriormaniacs or whatever the fuck he said in his promos. Warrior tries for a suplex from the apron to the inside, but Rude turns midway and lands on top of Warrior while Heenan grabs Warrior’s foot and prevents him from kicking out, not sure how it would do that but hey, Rude is the champ.
My Rating: ***
Match 12: Jim Duggan vs. Bad News Brown ended in a double DQ (3:49)
I’d expect this to suck, and it’s nothing great for 3 and a half minutes, but I love a brawling match and that’s pretty much what this was. I’ve certainly seen better though, but I’ll take it over the boring rest spot show I’ve seen so far. Bad News brings a chair into the ring cause he says “fuck this” while Duggan gets his 2x4 and take a swing at each other, which is what causes the DQ finish. And if I cared about this match at all, I might be annoyed.
My Rating: *1/2
Match 13: Red Rooster def. Bobby Heenan (0:32)
Heenan runs into the ring post on the inside and falls on his back and Rooster covers him. Not really much to say about this match.
Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Hulk Hogan def. Randy Savage (c) (17:54)
The Mega Powers explode all over each other! Oh, shit, sorry, that was the original tagline. The Mega Powers Explode! And Miss Elizabeth comes down to watch them explode… Anyway. This seems to be very divisive. Some people thought it was great, some thought it was boring. I’m leaning towards the former. I think it’s in the running for Hogan’s best match. Ironically, the only part of this match I hated was… the finish… We’ll get to that in a second though. Savage realizes pretty quickly he's gonna have to outsmart and outmaneuver Hogan and that's exactly what he does. He leaves and re-enters the ring several times to frustrate Hogan enough so he would chase him. Imma be honest with you guys here, Savage carries this whole match pretty much. Hogan gets cut above his eye, and Savage tries to open it up even more. Savage eventually sends Elizabeth to the back and as he comes back, he just has this craziness in his eyes that was great. Savage then attacks Hogan's throat and hits an Elbow Drop on Hogan… which he kicks out pretty much at 2 prompting me to say "oh fuck off." Now I don't think anybody expected Savage to win this, but to lose in this was is downright insulting. Savage beats Hogan's for most of this match, only for Hogan to Hulk up, and legdrop him to win. I hate Hogan so muuuuuuuch!
My Rating: ****
Cagematch Rating: 5.27
My Rating: 5.5/10
The main event saves the show even if the end pisses me off. Had some solid matches on the undercard but nearly every match feels the same and this show is 3 ½ hours long. But for what it's worth, which isn't much, it is the best Mania I've watched so far.
Now we're going back to England for Rebellion 2000.
This is probably going to be one of my worst reviews ever, because there was 14 matches on this show and almost all of them were the fuckin’ same.
Match 1: Hercules def. King Haku (6:57)
Start off with this match… which was okay. Hercules starts overpowering Haku, but after a distraction from Heenan on the outside, Haku takes control. There is one spot that stands out which was Hercules, diving off the top rope, and catching a side kick from Haku but other than that, nothing really special. Haku misses a dive from the top rope and Hercules drops him with a back suplex to win the match.
My Rating: **1/4
Match 2: The Twin Towers def. The Rockers (8:02)
The Rockers get more offense in this match than I expected them to. They start off trying to frustrate their bigger opponents and trying to wear them down, and it’s going well until Jannetty gets bowled over by Boss Man. They crush Jannetty for a few minutes until Shawn gets back in and turns the tide temporarily. They go for a double dropkick from the top rope. But they mess it up because Jannetty kicks Boss Man to the ground and Shawn kicks solid air. Jannetty gets sent out of the ring, while Shawn comes off the top and gets caught in a powerbomb from Boss Man. Akeem comes back in and hits a splash on Shawn to win.
My Rating: **1/2
Match 3: Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus Beefcake ended in a double countout (10:01)
Welp, it’s a Beefcake match. Now this is what I mean by every match feeling the same. This goes pretty much the same way the opener did. Babyface is rocking early, manager involvement, heel wears down the babyface. The only thing that makes this worse is that it’s longer and slower, and there’s also not a thing that stands out in this match. Beefcake chases Virgil outside the ring and DiBiase follows him, and they brawl to a countout.
My Rating: *1/2
Match 4: The Bushwhackers def. The Fabulous Rougeaus (9:10)
Oof, this was awful. Even for the 80s style, The Bushwhackers sucked. The Rougeaus isolate one of them for a while, and the Bushwhacker bumps like a tree falling in the woods. The Rougeaus celebrate before the match is even over and it costs them. The Bushwhackers do their headbutt ram spot and they take the win in a shitty match.
My Rating: DUD
Match 5: Mr. Perfect def. The Blue Blazer (5:38)
So strange how they gave this match only 5 minutes when they gave the Bushwhackers almost 10. For how short this was, it was exciting. They filled in the match with some amazing stuff. Perfect tries to psyche Owen out early with some slaps but Owen slaps him back. Owen comes off the top rope, but Perfect gets his knees him and wears down Owen. But Owen fights back. These 2 show good chemistry. Owen tries to win it with a crucifix pin, but Perfect kicks out and hits a Perfect Plex to win the match.
My Rating: ***
Match 6: WWF Tag Team Championship 3-on-2 Handicap Match - Demolition (c) def. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji (8:20)
Okay, here we go again. You know the drill, hot babyface start, heel wear down, then take it home. Ax makes the mistake of trying to attack Fuji, and then Barbarian and Warlord take him down and wear him out, until Smash gets in there and turns the tide. But he gets knocked down, and the heels make the worst mistake that they could’ve, which was tag in Fuji. Warlord holds Smash in place, and Fuji tries to throw salt in his eyes, but Smash dodges it because this spot never works. Demolition hit their finisher which I’m not sure ever had a name on Fuji to retain their titles which they won at the previous WrestleMania.
My Rating: **1/4
Match 7: Dino Bravo def. Ronnie Garvin (3:06)
They bring out Jimmy Snuka for literally no reason before the match starts. Legit, Dino and Ronnie are in the ring already and then Snuka comes out just to pose and then leave. Dino uses his power advantage to wear down Ronnie, but then Ronnie comes back and proceeds to whip his ass until the finish which was just a side slam by Dino.
My Rating: **
Match 8: The Brain Busters def. Strike Force (9:17)
This is where the Martel heel turn happens. The match starts off great actually. Strike Force are working together. There’s a cool spot where Martel is stuck in the heel corner and he’s walloping them with strikes to escape. Strike Force put Arn and Tully in dueling Figure 4s. Things fall apart for Santana because he accidentally hits Martel with a Forearm and because it’s wrestling and everyone is an idiot, he thinks he did it on purpose I guess. Lolz. The Busters wear down Santana for some time until Santana tries to tag Martel, who gets off and walks away. The Busters put Santana away with a Spike Piledriver. So solid match, but not great.
My Rating: ***
Okay, this next segment made absolutely no sense, which is why I think it’s a testament of how great Roddy Piper was that he was able to make this entertaining. It’s a Piper’s Pit segment with Brother Love and something Downey Jr.. No, not Iron Man. There’s really not much to talk about here, because I couldn’t follow most of it. But Piper has a mic and he’s roasting people so that’s good enough for me. It ends with him blowing a fire extinguisher in Downey’s face because he had a lit cigarette.
Match 9: Singles Match with Big John Studd as Special Referee - Jake Roberts def. Andre the Giant via DQ (9:44)
John Studd has to be the most unremarkable Rumble winner ever. He wins it and then referees a match at Mania. Also, John Studd is the OG Red Shoes. This match actually has a unique start. Heenan must have taken the turnbuckle pad off, because as soon as Jake gets in the ring, Andre rams his head into it. Other than that, this match isn’t special. Andre wears down Jake for a while. Jake rams Andre’s face into the exposed turnbuckle and brings Andre to his knees with some punches. While Jake grabs his sack filled with snake, Andre attacks John Studd, and DiBiase runs down to grab the sack from Jake. Jake chases them and goes after them while Andre chokes Studd in the ring. It’s a mess. Jake throws Damien in the ring and Andre runs away while Studd calls for the DQ.
My Rating: *
Match 10: The Hart Foundation def. Greg Valentine & Honky Tonk Man (7:40)
Solid match, but again. Nothing special. The Hart Foundation starts hot, Honky and Greg wear down Bret. You know how this goes at this point. Bret makes the hot tag to Neidhart who takes both heels down with shoulder tackles and dropkicks, impressive for a man of his size. The finish is kinda cool with Neidhart chasing Jimmy Hart around the ring and grabbing his megaphone. He tosses it to Bret in the ring who hits Honky with it with the referee’s back turned and The Hart Foundation are the winners.
My Rating: **1/4
Match 11: Intercontinental Championship Match - Rick Rude def. Ultimate Warrior (c) (9:36)
Rick Rude was one of Warrior’s best opponents. He takes some nasty back bumps to make Warrior look good. Warrior overwhelms Rude at first, but Rude takes control and starts wearing down Warrior. But Warrior starts to pump with gas from the rocket engine and the stars of the little Warriormaniacs or whatever the fuck he said in his promos. Warrior tries for a suplex from the apron to the inside, but Rude turns midway and lands on top of Warrior while Heenan grabs Warrior’s foot and prevents him from kicking out, not sure how it would do that but hey, Rude is the champ.
My Rating: ***
Match 12: Jim Duggan vs. Bad News Brown ended in a double DQ (3:49)
I’d expect this to suck, and it’s nothing great for 3 and a half minutes, but I love a brawling match and that’s pretty much what this was. I’ve certainly seen better though, but I’ll take it over the boring rest spot show I’ve seen so far. Bad News brings a chair into the ring cause he says “fuck this” while Duggan gets his 2x4 and take a swing at each other, which is what causes the DQ finish. And if I cared about this match at all, I might be annoyed.
My Rating: *1/2
Match 13: Red Rooster def. Bobby Heenan (0:32)
Heenan runs into the ring post on the inside and falls on his back and Rooster covers him. Not really much to say about this match.
Main Event: WWF Championship Match - Hulk Hogan def. Randy Savage (c) (17:54)
The Mega Powers explode all over each other! Oh, shit, sorry, that was the original tagline. The Mega Powers Explode! And Miss Elizabeth comes down to watch them explode… Anyway. This seems to be very divisive. Some people thought it was great, some thought it was boring. I’m leaning towards the former. I think it’s in the running for Hogan’s best match. Ironically, the only part of this match I hated was… the finish… We’ll get to that in a second though. Savage realizes pretty quickly he's gonna have to outsmart and outmaneuver Hogan and that's exactly what he does. He leaves and re-enters the ring several times to frustrate Hogan enough so he would chase him. Imma be honest with you guys here, Savage carries this whole match pretty much. Hogan gets cut above his eye, and Savage tries to open it up even more. Savage eventually sends Elizabeth to the back and as he comes back, he just has this craziness in his eyes that was great. Savage then attacks Hogan's throat and hits an Elbow Drop on Hogan… which he kicks out pretty much at 2 prompting me to say "oh fuck off." Now I don't think anybody expected Savage to win this, but to lose in this was is downright insulting. Savage beats Hogan's for most of this match, only for Hogan to Hulk up, and legdrop him to win. I hate Hogan so muuuuuuuch!
My Rating: ****
Cagematch Rating: 5.27
My Rating: 5.5/10
The main event saves the show even if the end pisses me off. Had some solid matches on the undercard but nearly every match feels the same and this show is 3 ½ hours long. But for what it's worth, which isn't much, it is the best Mania I've watched so far.
Now we're going back to England for Rebellion 2000.
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