The Greatest Royal Rumble
Decent show, but one question I have is, where the hell was Yokozuna and Ultimate Warrior? Come on, WWE, get your shit together. One thing I wanna say though, is that this crowd was deader than a fish out of water for almost the entire show. Good lord, nothing about this show sucked worse than this crowd.
Match 1: John Cena def. Triple H (15:45)
At the time, I had no idea why this match was happening. Now I realize, it was just an attraction match. A running theme with this show is a lot of low ratings on cagematch. And truthfully, I think a lot of the matches on the show were better than people rated it. This is one of them. This match wasn’t that good, I’d say it was solid enough for an opener though. Although, not what you would come to expect from these two, but they were older at this point. Triple H dominates in the early part of the match, even mocking Cena’s 5 Knuckle Shuffle. But Cena starts to come back and hits an AA, which Triple H kicks out of at 2.99999999. Like, one of the closest 3 counts I’ve ever seen. Cena picks HHH back up, and goes for another AA, but Triple H lands on his feet and hits a Pedigree on Cena, who kicks out. Cena hits another AA, and for a bit of overkill, catapults Triple H in the turnbuckle, and hits a third AA to win the match.
My Rating: ***
Match 2: Cruiserweight Championship Match - Cedric Alexander (c) def. Kalisto (10:14)
A really nice Cruiserweight Match. If it went a little longer, than it could’ve been really great. The pace was quick and Kalisto did things in this match I didn’t even know how to describe. One of these spots, Corey Graves helped me out by calling it a seated springboard spanish fly to Cedric. Fast paced the whole match. Awesome finish too. Cedric is going for the Lumbar Check, and it gets reversed into a hurricanrana. Kalisto goes for the Salida Del Sol, and Cedric counters that into the Lumbar Check. Good stuff.
My Rating: ***3/4
Match 3: Tag Team Match for the vacant Raw Tag Team Championship - The Deleters of Worlds def. The Bar (8:50)
Pretty good match for the length that it’s given. The Bar is probably my favorite random pairing. Matt and Bray start off with some double teaming, but The Bar take control, isolating Matt from his corner. But they only have 9 minutes, so Matt quickly tags in Bray, who goes buck wild on The Bar. One very enjoyable spot is when Sheamus is setting up for a Brogue Kick, but Bray does the spider walk. Matt provides a distraction for Bray to get up. Sheamus misses the Brogue Kick, and walks into Sister Abigail, then The Deleters of Worlds are tag champions.
My Rating: ***
Match 4: United States Championship Match - Jeff Hardy (c) def. Jinder Mahal (6:10)
Bad match, but man it has such a hilarious botch. Jinder became the WWE Champion on the last show I watch, and now I get to watch this match. It’s almost poetic. It’s very boring because Jinder can only do rest holds, but the botch happens when Jeff goes for the Whisper in the Wind, and misses entirely… And Jinder still bumps for it! Jeff doesn’t even glance Jinder, and Jinder still bumps! Oh my god, I laughed for a solid 2 minutes over this! Anyway, Jeff hits Twist of Fate and a Swanton to thankfully retain the title. It would’ve been hilarious though if Jinder still won after such a botch.
My Rating: **
Match 5: SmackDown Tag Team Championship Match - The Bludgeon Brothers (c) def. The Usos (5:09)
The reason this show was so long is because they filled time in between matches with a bunch of bullshit, so there’s no reason this match couldn’t have been given more time and just cut the propaganda. I’ve seen what these 2 teams can do together already, so it’s very disappointing. Especially since this match for the length isn’t that bad. Unfortunately, they don’t have enough time to tell a good story. The Usos are tossed around at first, but The Usos begin to come back and it looks like they’re about to dethrone The Brothers. But the Brothers inevitably beat up their challengers, and retain the titles.
My Rating: **1/2
Match 6: Intercontinental Championship Fatal 4-Way Ladder Match - Seth Rollins (c) def. Finn Balor, Samoa Joe & The Miz (14:33)
A match that falls a bit under expectations, but a good one nonetheless. Finn Balor is the MVP in this match. Seth and Finn are the high flyers. Joe uses the ladder to punish his opponents, and Miz plays the sneaky heel. Miz tries to form an alliance with Joe. Spoiler alert, it didn’t work. But after a few minutes of Joe being dominant, Miz sneaks up from behind and hits the Skull Crushing Finale onto the ladder. Finn hits Miz with the Coup de Grace on the ladder and that takes him out the rest of the match. Finn tries to get up the ladder, Joe is back and continuously stops him. Finn tips the ladder over with Joe on it and Joe’s throat hits the top rope. Finn, with a now bloodied eye, goes up the ladder, only to be intercepted by Rollins, who springboards onto the other side of the ladder and grabs the title, snatching it away from Finn Balor who deserved this win more honestly.
My Rating: ***3/4
Match 7: WWE Championship Match - AJ Styles (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura ended in a double countout (14:26)
After their WrestleMania match fell below expectations, could they top it here. No, actually, I thought their Mania match was better. This was still a good match, but it suffers from a bad finish to justify the feud continuing instead of actually writing a good storyline. Dickhead Nakamura is great though. It’s pretty back and forth, it’s just that there’s no drama. They just get their shit in and go home pretty much. But don’t worry, there was at least one cup check in this match. AJ goes for the Forearm, misses and nearly hits the ref, who tries to make himself small enough to fit in a suitcase, and Nakamura hits AJ right in the penis. Just wear a cup man! They eventually go outside and they brawl out there long enough to get counted out. Lame finish.
My Rating: ***1/4
Match 8: Casket Match - The Undertaker def. Rusev (9:37)
Undertaker didn’t feel like working tonight I guess. He just jabronis the fuck out of Rusev, who was over as fuck. Rusev gets a few shots in, and even locks in the Accolade at one point. But for the most part, Undertaker makes him look like a pansy ass, which I understand was Taker’s schtick, but he’s really ancient here. I am curious as to how many Casket Matches I’ve watched so far is, because I feel like it’s been a lot. Undertaker Chokeslams Rusev and then Tombstones Aiden English. He tosses Aiden in their with Rusev and shuts the lid on both of them.
My Rating: *1/2
Match 9: Universal Championship Steel Cage Match - Brock Lesnar (c) def. Roman Reigns (9:14)
There was legitimately only 4 moves in this whole match. Legit I only remember 4 moves being hit over and over again. Suplex, F5, Superman Punch, Spear. And the occasional punch. There is a little added drama when Heyman slams the cage door into Roman’s face, and he tosses a chair in the ring. Brock picks it up and he gets… guess. A Spear from Roman, who picks up the chair and slams Brock with it. The finish to this match is a spear through the cage. And because Brock was technically out of the cage first, the referee ruled it as a win for Brock. But I do think it’s comedic how when somebody on the IWC pointed out Roman’s feet was on the floor first, WWE latched onto this to try to get Roman cheered. Yet, Vince doesn’t listen to the internet. Hmm, interesting.
My Rating: **1/4
Main Event: 50-Man Royal Rumble Match - Braun Strowman won by last eliminating Big Cass (1:17:22)
Good lord. Okay, here we go. Match starts with Daniel Bryan and Dolph Ziggler. Okay, good way to start, but only one of these 2 is gonna go til the end. But here lies the problem with having such a huge undercard with a 50-man rumble, is that there is nobody working double duty. Nobody who was in any match earlier in the night is involved here. No Cena, no Bray, no Hardys, no Bar, no Harper, no Rollins, no Finn, no Miz, no Joe. Not a very star studded rumble for it being 50 men. So the ring fills up with guys who have no shot at winning. Ironically, the best part of the match was probably the middle portion. We have New Day shenanigans, we have Daniel Bryan and Kurt Angle going at it. A match that would’ve been no less than 5 stars with both guys in their prime. Rey Mysterio comes in and does Rey Mysterio things. Big E. catches him in a powerbomb position, throws him off. Rey gets caught by Chad Gable, and Rey spins from his position to hit a DDT which was insanity. Orton gets another sick RKO on Apollo Crews. This match is mostly remembered for… you guessed it. TITUS WORLDSLIDE!!! Legitimately, one of the greatest moments in wrestling history. Completely unplanned too. Titus actually slipped and fell underneath the ring, and Corey Graves dies on commentary. They replay it several times. Braun Strowman comes in and is number 41, and he eliminates several men. From here, it kind of slows down, until we get to very end where Chris Jericho, making his very last appearance in WWE, (for now at least) comes in at number 50. And he locks eyes with that stupid idiot, Kevin Owens. Now even though I thought it was dumb that the winner doesn’t get anything (other than a trophy and a belt I guess, who cares though), that only makes the winner less predictable. Shane McMahon tries to hit Coast to Coast on KO, but Braun Strowman, gets on the apron and tosses Shane from the top rope to the announce table! From there, Braun eliminates Lashley, Jericho and Owens. Leaving it down to Braun, Big Cass and Daniel Bryan, who broke Rey Mysterio’s record for longest amount of time spent in a rumble, and a record that will probably stand forever really, ‘cause I can’t imagine they will ever do another 50-Man Rumble and if they do, they’re out of their minds. Cass ends up eliminating Bryan, but that leaves him with Braun, who disposes of Cass pretty quickly to win the “greatest” Royal Rumble match. I thought this match was gonna suck. And at times, it is pretty boring to sit through. But, it has just enough great stuff in their for me to give it a fairly high rating. Greatest Royal Rumble it is not though, and doesn’t even come close.
My Rating: ***1/2
Cagematch Rating: 5.37
My Rating: 7.5/10
Thank fuck this was a decent show, because good lord, 5 hours is too long for even a great show. Yes, though, I think this is the best show I’ve watched so far. And I can’t believe I’m saying that about a Saudi Show. There aren’t really any great matches on it, but I think it has enough good matches on it to be considered good. The worst matches also had the least amount of time, so that’s a positive. Yeah, decent show. Don’t judge me.
Next time, we’re not only going to my birth year, but also my birth month! In Your House: Breakdown!