WrestleMania 38 Night 2
The first entrance of Night 2 is Triple H, who comes down in a suit, does the full entrance, an entrance longer than it usually is. One because of the long ramp, and two, because he’s just soaking it in. And honestly, kudos to Triple H, because he could’ve probably taken 10 minutes to give a farewell speech, but he realized the show must get started. So the only thing he says is, “I just came out here to say thank you. And to express my love in the best way I know how.” Before he shouts “WELCOME TO WRESTLEMANIA!” And he leaves his boots in the middle of the ring, and unlike Undertaker, he wouldn’t come back for them.
Match 1: Raw Tag Team Championship Triple Threat Match - RK-Bro (c) def. Alpha Academy & The Street Profits (11:32)
Starting the night off hot is this fast paced, exciting match. It didn’t need to go long, it just needed to get the crowd excited, and they accomplished just that. The flying starts early with Montez flying over the post and diving on a bunched up crowd, before Chad Gable does the same with a moonsault. And unlike most multiple team matches, one member of each team is allowed in the ring at once. Riddle gets beat up for a while, by Otis especially. Dawkins goes to pin Riddle at one point and Otis just freakin splashes both of them. Riddle hit the Bro to Sleep followed by a German suplex on Angelo to get a breather, and makes the tag to Orton who the people go nuts for. He backdrops Montez and Gable on the announce table. Him and Riddle do dueling DDTs on the Profits before they set up a double RKO, but get stopped by Otis and Gable. Alpha Academy hit a Doomsday Bulldog on Montez. (Gable hits a bulldog with Montez stacked on Otis’ shoulders) Profits hit a Doomsday Blockbuster on Gable. Dawkins hits a Spinebuster on Orton before diving onto Otis on the outside. Montez sets up a frog splash, but Riddle comes up beside him and springboards and what makes this spot is the girly scream Montez gets out before Riddle RKOs him from the top rope. With Riddle laid out on the mat, Gable goes for a Diving Headbutt, but Orton catches him with an RKO to retain the titles. No I’m not going to talk about Gable Steveson. Let’s move on.
My Rating: ****
Match 2: Bobby Lashley def. Omos (6:34)
I sometimes wonder if Omos would've been a world champion by now if Vince were still in charge. Thankfully he's not so we don't have to worry about that. Lashley has to basically carry this whole match. And he tries to make Omos look good, but… that doesn't really work. Omos throws Lashley around and puts him in the most boring move I can think of, the bearhug. Lashley fights back into the match and thinks it's best to chop the man down. He hits a Spear to his back before hitting another one in the front and wins the match.
My Rating: **
Match 3: Anything Goes Match - Johnny Knoxville def. Sami Zayn (14:26)
Some of you mass pass judgment on me for this… but I love this match. I prefer Sami as the underdog babyface but what he did as a heel was great. I'm also not sure this match would've worked with anyone other than Sami Zayn. He's just that good. And I normally hate celebrities going over but considering the circumstances of how Knoxville won, I think it works. Zayn starts the match just beating up Knoxville and has the upper hand early because of course he does. Zayn pulls out a table with mouse traps glued to it and sets it up, looking at Knoxville and going "did you do this?" The hijinks begin once Chris Pontius gets in the ring, strips down into his speedo and Pat McAfee says "Pontius' cheeks just said hello to us and they're clapping at WrestleMania." Which had me losing my shit. Wee Man comes out from under the ring and starts laying into Sami and bodyslams him! They pull out a catapult… thingy with a stick with a boot attached to it. Sami kicks Knoxville and then Wee Man. Then he goes to the top rope. But Knoxville had a button to set off the pyro on that corner Sami's on and Sami gets crotched. Knoxville pulls out a bowling ball and rolls it into Sami's balls. And then Knoxville uses the nutcracker boot thing on Sami. Knoxville then pulls a taser out and chases Sami around the ring. Zayn walks right into a giant hand slamming into his face! Sami's nutsack gets tonged on to the top rope and Knoxville tosses him through the mouse trap table outside! As Pontius and Wee Man pick Sami back up and throw him in the ring, the rest of the Jackass crew bring in a gigantic mouse trap and set Sami under it. And it… malfunctions which is unfortunate because it’s the finish. But it does set off and Knoxville pins Sami under this mouse trap. Despite the finish, I had fun watching this match. Don’t look at me like that.
My Rating: ****
Match 4: Women’s Tag Team Championship Fatal 4-Way Match - Naomi & Sasha Banks def. Carmella & Queen Zelina (c), Liv Morgan & Rhea Ripley & Natalya & Shayna Baszler (10:51)
They really had nothing else for these titles at WrestleMania other than “Fatal 4-Way.” And hey, thats not a bad thing… but that’s what they had for them for 3 out of the 4 WrestleManias they were around for at this point. This match was alright, but not good. There was some spots that stood out, Liv and Sasha diving through opposite sides of the ring. Liv hits the Ob-Liv-ion on Sasha, but Nattie tagged herself in so Liv couldn't pin her. Shayna Baszler tries to break Liv’s ankle. The rest of this match is pretty much everyone getting their spots in. Carmella does the Trish hurricanrana thing from the corner on Rhea. There’s a double tower of doom spot which they had to do every multi-person match apart from the opener. The finish to this match is Naomi holding up Carmella with Sasha doing a rolling codebreaker to win the titles… before walking out 2 weeks later. And to be fair, if Vince was my boss, I would probably walk out too. So I actually applauded them at this point to be honest.
My Rating: **3/4
Match 5: Edge def. AJ Styles (24:27)
An underrated match. I feel like this match’s biggest weakness was the fact that expectations were high and the match was too long. But I thought this was a great match and the best match on night 2. It was even for the most part with only a small part of the match where one man had the advantage over the other. Edge gets his knees up as AJ goes for the 450 and Edge goes after his ribs. But AJ reverses a suplex into his own into the corner. From here, the match is basically even with both men getting aggressive with every move. Edge catches AJ’s foot off the pele kick and takes a page out of his old rival’s book and applies the STF on him. Styles gets Edge in the Calf Crusher, which Edge reverses into an armbar, before transitioning to a crossface. AJ suplexes Edge from the top rope to the apron which I know sucked. AJ throws Edge back in the ring and gives him a 450 to the back, before attempting a Phenomenal Forearm. Edge dodges and goes for the Spear, but AJ leaps over him and Edge’s throat hits the middle rope and Styles takes advantage by hitting the Styles Clash for a close 2 count. Styles goes back to the apron, but gets distracted by Damian Priest on the outside. AJ turns back to Edge and goes for the Forearm again, but Edge leaps and hits probably one of the best Spears he’s ever hit to win the match. Edge and Priest laugh with each other, raising their arms and leaving together… thus the birth of the Judgment Day.
My Rating: ****
Match 6: Sheamus & Ridge Holland def. The New Day (1:43)
Thankfully, it’s short so I don’t have to talk about it very long… but how you gonna have Kofi and Woods come out with Big E. tribute gear and have them lose? Sheamus doesn’t get tagged in at all during the match, he has to spend the match holding back Pete Dunne (Butch who?) Sheamus hits Brogue Kick on Woods as the referee’s back is turned and Holland pins him to win the match, and Dunne gets in to beat up Woods after the match because he was an angry man for some reason.
Match 7: Pat McAfee def. Austin Theory (9:37)
Not a match you would expect to be good, but I thought this was a nice, good match. Only thing is, I have to wonder how Pat McAfee is a better wrestler than Austin Theory. Legitimately, Pat is the one who makes this match awesome. Also, shouts out to Pat for coming out to Seven Nation Army. Like, that was the most hype entrance of the night. Pat starts off with punches and chops Theory’s legs out. Theory chops his throat and starts beating him down. But Pat fights back and knocks Theory into the announce table and bashes his head off the table in front of Vince (that fucking scatty freak) who’s sitting at ringside. Pat goes for a superplex, but Theory shoves him off, which Pat backflips off the ropes, landing on his feet and leaping back onto the ropes and then hitting the superplex! Like Pat McAfee rules, he needs to wrestle more often! Pat reverses the A-Town Down into a rollup and Pat wins!
My Rating: ***3/4
Match 8: Vince McMahon def. Pat McAfee (3:45)
But… we are, unfortunately, not done here. Because Vince McMahon needs to not only wrestle… but win without bumping. Pat challenges Vince to get in the ring with him and the match starts after Theory jumps Pat from behind. You guys remember that episode of SpongeBob where Patrick beat himself up to make SpongeBob look tough… That’s basically this match. Vince moves, he lays his hands on Pat, but Pat has to do allllllll the work… Because Vince wanted to win brother. Fucking senile old man. And as if that wasn’t enough, the finish is so, so bad. Vince “punts” a football into Pat’s stomach… and that’s it. Vince wins. I don’t know what he was thinking here. Because if he was trying to push Austin Theory, he wasn’t doing a good job of making him look good. He lost his match to Pat, but once the 80 year old man gets in there, ohhh boy Pat’s in trouble. Ahhhhh fuck you Vince.
My Rating: DUD
We at least get another Stone Cold pop. The glass shatters and Austin marches to the ring, he gives Theory a stunner who sells it like he’s jumping on a trampoline. He has a beer with Vince before he gives him a stunner… And what might be the funniest Stunner I’ve ever seen. Because Vince fucks it up so badly. He has a beer with Pat McAfee. Before Austin stuns him too, and before Pat falls back, he spits the beer out form his mouth. 3 Stunners which were all great for different reasons. You may be thinking “At least the match led to the moment.” Here’s the thing… We didn’t need the Vince match to get to this point. We didn’t. The funniest thing about this though is that at the WrestleMania press conference earlier this year, they said Pat McAfee was undefeated at WrestleMania. And normally, I hate when they try to lie to us, but considering how bad the match was, and who he lost to, I too would like to block that from the record books.
Main Event: WWE World & Universal Championship Unification Match - Roman Reigns (Universal) def. Brock Lesnar (WWE) (12:17)
I have a bone to pick with this match. Several in fact. One, the fact that legitimately not a single soul asked for it. Two, taglining it the "BiGgEsT wReStLeMaNiA mAtCh Of AlL tImE." I know it was probably more for marketing purposes, but saying something doesn't make it true! I can think of several off the top of my head that were much bigger. Thirdly, the match is okay, but if you're going to use a tagline like that, it has to deliver. This match did not do that. To start the match, Brock tosses Roman around the ring as Brock's matches usually did. But thanks to a distraction from Paul Heyman, Roman Spears Brock through the barricade, and for the rest of this match, Brock sells his ribs. They just basically get their shit in now. Brock reverses a Superman Punch into an F5, which Roman kicks out of obviously. The referee gets bumped. Roman low blows Brock and hits him with the Universal Title. Once the referee recovers, Roman gives Brock another Spear, but Brock transitions into the Kimura from that position. Roman reaches the ropes, forcing Brock to let go. Heyman begs his meal ticket to get back up. Brock picks Roman up and goes for another F5, but Roman slided down the back, pushes Lesnar into the ropes. Brock comes back into a Spear and Roman takes both titles home. Biggest WrestleMania Match of All Time? Yeah, not even close.
My Rating: ***1/4
Cagematch Rating: 6.22
My Rating: 8/10
I started this, expecting it to be mediocre… and admittedly, the booking of this show is incredibly brain melting. But I don't know, I found myself liking the show for the most part. 3 great matches, and a nice sleeper match between McAfee and Theory. Don't judge me, but… and as much as I hate to give Vince credit, he went out with a bang… and a terrible match. The biggest problem I have with it aside from Vince's match, is that the main event was underwhelming on so many different levels.