KIF's Sim League

[Chris]

BBQ Backslide fucking amazing

 

[Sky]

What's SHAWN MICHAELS doing in Team Impact Zone

 

[CakeWalker]

What's SHAWN MICHAELS doing in Team Impact Zone

You might wanna skim read Episode 3, Episode 4 and then check the PPV out. It will make sense - I think he makes a good addition

 

[Sky]

You might wanna skim read Episode 3, Episode 4 and then check the PPV out. It will make sense - I think he makes a good addition

Not confused, just making a play on a phrase

 

[CakeWalker]

Oh - over my head there lol.

 

[Butters]

He's basically the best.

 

[RDK]

That new Team Al-Qaedah theme is lit. They're back and better than ever. Hassan ready to climb back to the top of the mountain and regain his rightful spot as the prince of the KSL.

 

[CakeWalker]

@Raidokken - you have one more pick still available

 

[TOP GUY TIME]

Chad Gable has issued a challenge! If anyone eliminates him, he will issue them as the new "Alpha." Of course he will win so

 

[RDK]

As the official spokesperson for Team Al-QaeDAH I can confirm there are a lot of talks going on behind the scenes with the intention of bringing a hot free agent into the group.

 

[Stellar]

Taya Valkyrie, Charlotte Flair and Diamond Dallas Page.

 

[Kross Rhodes]

First and foremost give me that 2001 workhorse and uber heel Stone Cold Steve Austin.

 

[Veidt]

Al Snow (w/Head), Grado, & Steve Blackman as the latest incarnation of The J.O.B. Squad.

 

[CakeWalker]

Episode Five
[United Wireless Arena, Dodge City, Kansas]

In a familiar fashion to a number of episodes of Juiced, we began the show in the office of David Arquette, the current General Manager of the brand. Arquette is sitting behind his desk with both his feet on top of the desk. As the camera cuts behind him, it circles around the room showing four distinct separate groups. Team USA members Goldust and Apollo Crews, Team Al-QaeDAH, The Koloffs and Honky Tonk Man and Roddy Piper. The camera focuses on Arquette again as he starts to speak.

David Arquette: Now gentleman, the reason I invited you into my office today, is because I have something important I need to talk to you about. Now as I am sure you all know, our next big show is going to be the BBQ Backslide. Now one of the main goals for that show will be to crown our first KSL World Champion in this new era of the company, but that isn’t why I have invited you all here. As you may all have gathered, I am looking at eight men or rather four tag teams. And what do tag teams need in order to validate their manhoods? Don’t answer, it was rhetorical. What you need is tag team title belts and that is exactly what will be up for grabs at the PPV - and from where I am sitting you are the four teams that I have decided are my main contenders.

Booker T is the first out of the eight men to speak up.

Booker-T: These suckas? These suckas? You can not be serious right now Davey Boy. I am Booker Motherfucking T and this is my close friend Muhammad Hassan. We have proven ourselves in the past as one of the most successful tag teams in the history of this company…

Arquette slams his fist on the table in an angered outburst.

David Arquette: Why don’t you hold that noise in your mouth Booker - before I make a decision that you are going to regret.

Muhammad Hassan: You filthy Capitalist pig - you will remember who you are speaking to! We are Team Al-QaeDAH and we are the most important tag team in the history of this company.

Arquette carries on speaking completely ignoring everything that Hassan just said, although it was clear he had registered that Hassan had been speaking.

David Arquette: Now this is going to be quite an easy situation to plan for. Four teams means two matches, two matches that will take place next week. Obviously the rules of the ‘Arquette Marquette’ stand - so winning the match is in your best interest. Whilst, losing put you in the danger zone. But as a sign of respect I am going to give the team I respect the most - the chance to pick their opponents.

Booker-T: We will face…

David Arquette: I said the team I respect and I certainly don’t respect you or your sand smuggling buddy.

Booker T and Hassan both look furious, as Arquette turns to the team of Piper and Honky Tonk.

David Arquette: So Roddy, which team do you want to face.

Roddy Piper: We will face the damn commies - I don’t think anyone wants to see those two Russian rats anywhere near those title belts.

Ivan Koloff: What did you say about Russia?

Roddy Piper: I said that…

David Arquette: Okay settle down gentleman - I don’t want you to start a backstage brawl in my office. If you know anything about buy rates, you know get to fight in my office - not without build up, not on my watch anyway. So next week, we will have The Koloffs against The Honky Tonk Hotrods, whilst Team UA will take on Team Al-QaeDAH.

Arquette stands up and points towards the door.

David Arquette: Now if you you gentlemen wouldn’t mind doing me a favour of getting the fuck out of my office, I actually have some important business to attend to.

The four tag teams would exit the ring, with Goldust being very careful in closing the door behind him - trying to be very respectful as he does so.

+ + + + +

Spoiler: Result

Shawn Michaels by DQ when Team Impact Zone looked like they were gonna help him but instead attacked him as Triple H looked on in shock.(21:39) ***¾

+ + + + +

We cut backstage to a shot behind a man with medium length blonde hair, who is holding a clipboard in his hand. Standing in front of him are none other than Anna Jay and Sasha Banks, with both women looking worse for wear which isn’t surprising considering the hellacious match they had been involved in during the weekend at Smark’s House Party. One thing was very clear though, not only from the tone but also from their expression that they were extremely confused.

Sasha Banks: I’m sorry, but I’m confused by who exactly you are? This is the entrance to the women’s locker-room - and you certainly don’t have permission to enter.

Anna Jay: Yeah! Listen here creepo - you’ve got about five seconds to explain who the hell you are, otherwise you are going to get reported.

Sasha Banks: I mean I’ve called texted for security - but either way, you should let us know who the hell you are.

The camera would pan around to reveal.

David Spade: Ladies there is really no need to be alarmed. The name is David Spade and you might recognise me from 8 Simples Rules, Joe Dirt or Joe Dirt 2. Anyway - I have given up the Hollywood Hills for a short period of time, to take on the opportunity to become the personal assistant of our esteemed GM Mr. Arquette.

Sasha and Anna both still looked confused.

Anna Jay: But what has that got to do with us.

Spade looks up and down his clipboard.

David Spade: Well you see I’ve given given a couple of jobs by Mr. Arquette - he called them errands and he even gave me photographs of people I may need to pass on messages to. Which makes you Anna Jay and Sasha Banks, and may I say you both look much better in the flesh than in polaroid form.

Sasha Banks: Euuuuw gross!

David Spade: Anyway, I have been told to inform the pair of that as part of the terms of the conditions of the ‘Arquette Marquette’ which Mr. Arquette has the liberty to change the rules at any time he chooses, because of your loss to Bayley in the KSL Women’s Championship match, you have been sent to the back of the queue.

Anna Jay: What the hell does that even mean.

David looks down the clipboard muttering to himself.

David Spade: Quite simply stated, at this moment in time. Every other woman working for the company is seen as being more deserving of a shot at the Women’s Championship. And that includes our two newest signings in Charlotte Flair and Taya Valkyrie. In layman’s terms - you need to do much better if you want to get another shot at the gold. You are also reminded that striking the personal assistant of Mr. Arquette is seen as a direct attack on the GM himself and will result in a 30 day suspension without pay. Now if you ladies wouldn’t mind running along, I have some more pressing business to tend with.

Anna Jay and Sasha Banks would look in complete shock, as David Spade would trot off down the corridor clipboard still in hand.

+ + + + +

Spoiler: Result

Rhea Ripley by pinfall after hittin’ a huge Riptide in the center of the ring.(13:42) ***

+++++

The camera would cut backstage to where Lacey Von Erich with Orlando Jordan by her side had been watching the contest between Bliss and Ripley.

Lacey Von Erich: Alexa has potential, but I am glad I listened to your advice OJ.

Orlando Jordan: Sometimes Lacey it is important to understand that sometimes the best deals are made in the most unlikely of situations.

Lacey Von Erich: And I agree this was the last place I was expecting common ground. We all have big matches tonight, but I must say there is a real crop of talented women on the roster at the moment - not that I am worried or anything.

Orlando Jordan: Nor should you be my Queen. After you’ve gone out there tonight and proven your point, Mr. Arquette will have no option but to give a shot for the championship. If you beat the champion, then it can not be refuted that you are capable of beating Bayley again.

Lacey looked annoyed as soon as Jordan spoke Bayley’s name out loud.

Lacey Von Erich: Claiming that title is my destiny! Tonight is the night that we cement our legacy and prove to the world, that what took place at Smark’s House Party was not a fluke.

Jordan suddenly realises the pair are being filmed, and starts pushing the camera crew out of the area.

Orlando Jordan: No pictures! No pictures!

+ + + + +

Spoiler: Result

Lita by pinfall after rollin’ out of the Dis-Arm-Her, hittin’ a quick Twist of Fate followed by a divin’ moonsault from the top rope.(12:59) ***

+ + + + +

We cut backstage where David Arquette is standing in the corridors backstage, talking to none other than KSL Women’s Champion Bayley.

David Arquette: Bayley once again, I want to offer you my deepest praises for doing what needed to be done and ending the PPV with the title in your possession. There is no doubt in my mind or any of the members of ‘The Black Hands’ that at this point in time, you are the biggest draw this company has.

Bayley: I just did what needed to be done Mr. Arquette. At the end of the day, this is business and my job was to make sure I left with the title gold.

David Arquette: And that is exactly what you did. Now, as you already know being the champion comes with certain benefits. For example, you are informed when members of the roster are being considered as potential candidates for your title belt. And I must admit that after watching both matches earlier tonight, I would be lying if I said that both Lita and Rhea Ripley really impressed me tonight. So I would recommend you keep an eye on them, as soon or later you might find yourself in the ring with them.

Bayley just smiled, as she patted her title that was resting over her shoulders.

Bayley: I’m not daunted by the prospect Mr Arquette, quite the opposite. I look forward to the idea of a challenge from either of those women, but right now my main focus is Lacey Von Erich. My main focus tonight is to put everything on the line and beat her.

Arquette raises his finger in the air, in order to flag that he has something to say.

David Arquette: Now as you know the best way to sell tickets and draw in the fans, is to give the fans what they want. So I am going to give it to you straight, but only because I like you. If you lose to Lacey Von Erich tonight…

Bayley: That isn’t going to happen.

David Arquette: Belief in oneself is important, I encourage that, but if Lacey Von Erich does win tonight - I can confirm she will officially become the number one contender for your championship belt.

Bayley: I’m fine with that, because it is going to take a Goddamn miracle for her to put me on my back and claim a victory over me. Thanks for the catchup Mr. Arquette.

Bayley nods her head and smiles, before she walks off leaving Arquette to start reading through some message on his phone.

+++++

Cutting to a different area of the arena, we are joined by none other than the man who is currently ranked #1 in the Men’s Single Division - Cesaro. Who seems to have some words to say ahead of tonight’s main-event.

Cesaro: I am Number One, I am Signore Uno , and that means that the other nine men in the match tonight are going to be wary of me as soon as they step into that ring tonight. I am going to be seen as the biggest threat, and on that basis alone it is going to be incredibly difficult for me to overcome the odds and leave with the victory. Does that worry me? Yes - and only an idiot would make claims that they weren’t concerned. On flat odds alone I have a 10% chance of winning that match, well actually a little bit more considering a useless inflate wrestling doll going by the name of Chad Gable is taking part tonight. Tonight is Cesaro’s night! Tonight Signore Uno earns his meal ticket and begins the journey to become the first ever KSL World Heavyweight Champion.

Cesaro would then drop the microphone and walk out of the shot, with it being quite clear how pumped up he is ahead of the evening main-event.

+ + + + +

Spoiler: Result

Lacey Von Erich by countout when Anna Jay attacked Bayley outside the ring with a scissor’s kick on the ramp as Lacey distracted the referee in the ring, Bayley was unable to make the count afterwards.(5:24) *1/2

As Lacey was celebrating her victory, with Anna Jay who had joined Von Erich in the ring. A hurt and disorientated was doing her best to sit up outside the ring, with it being clearly she wasn’t fully aware of what had just taken place. The moment of celebration would suddenly be interrupted by…

Spoiler: Result

..the resident authority figure David Arquette, who would have an unlit cigar sticking out the side of his mouth as he would take to the microphone.

David Arquette: I am a man of my words and what the fans want, is what the fans will get. Because it is their money that puts the food on my table and everyone else’s for that matter. Anyway as I previously informed our champion…

Arquette looks in the direction of Bayley, who still hasn’t been able to get up.

David Arquette:..if Lacey won tonight’s match she would become the number one contender for KSL Women’s Championship. However, because of the manner in which this contest ended - not that I have any problem with it as an impartial spectator. I have come to the decision that it would be best for business if next week - live on Juiced. If we started the show - yes that is right if we started the show with. Bayley versus Lacey Von Erich for the KSL Women’s Championship. Now I hope you like the sound of that, because that is exactly what is happening. Now play my music!

Arquette’s music would start to play again, as Lacey Von Erich would have a massive smile on her face as she was still being congratulated by Anna Jay. Meanwhile, the match official had started to help Bayley back to the feet, as Bayley would start in the direction of Lacey and Anna before heading backstage.

+ + + + +

Spoiler: Result

1) Chris Candido by William Regal.
2) William Regal by Chris Candido. Regal eliminated himself and Candido at the same time.
3) Yoshihoko by Edge after jokin’ around with the doll for a bit.
4) Chad Gable by Cesaro after a huge uppercut sent him over the top.
5) Jeff Hardy by Brian Knobbs and Orlando Jordan teamin’ up together.
6) Cesaro by Brian Knobbs and Orlando Jordan workin’ together again.
7) Edge by Shawn Michaels after catchin’ with Sweet Chin Music sendin’ him over the top.
8) Orlando Jordan by Shawn Michaels after reversin’ an attempted throw over.
9) Shawn Michaels by Brian Knobbs(and Orlando Jordan), Jordan held Michaels arm outside the ring after bein’ thrown out and Knobbs was able to dump Michaels out of the ring.

Winner: Brian Knobbs.(18:05) Impactful

The episode of Juiced would come to a conclusion with Brian Knobbs being joined in the ring by Orlando Jordan, Lacey Von Erich and Anna Jay. Anna didn’t seem to leave Von Erich’s side at all during this post-match celebration - but Knobbs would request a microphone with less than a minute left of the show before it would go off air.

Brian Knobbs: I’m big, I’m nasty and I’m ready to party - and after we all enjoyed the benefits of Smark’s House Party we are going to carry on this fiesta with a hot and sweat sugar run as I terrorize my opponent, whichever jobber it ends up being to become the nuuuuuuu world champeeeeeeen - oh babe oh babe - oh yeaaaaa!

The show then fades to back, as the night comes to a truly unexpected end, in which Team Impact Zone were very much the main attraction of the night from start to finish.

​

 

[Chris]

Fuck Brian Knobbs