How Did You Cope?

[Aniking]

I have a little story to tell before I get to the point of this thread.

Last Saturday afternoon, I was waiting out the front of my house for the President of my local soccer club to drop off my team's new Goalkeeper jersey as I'm the team rep/manager. While waiting, my brother and Mum walked outside and asked if I'd read about one of my best mates from primary school, Elliot, on Facebook. I said "No" as I'd been outside for the past 20 mins, then I asked what it was about. They both started tearing up and told me that he died a few hours ago in a car crash.

At first I was surprised as it's not something you hear everyday. It took a few hours before it sunk in, and for the next two days I couldn't stop thinking about it. I grew up with this guy, he's my age. Granted I hadn't seen him or really spoken to him for a couple of years, but I was round his house four times a week in primary school and remained good friends and in contact until about year 8 or 9, which was 4-5 years ago. Obviously we weren't close anymore as we just went our different ways, but it was still devastating, not to mention the first death I have ever had to deal with.

Today, six days since he passed, was his funeral. The turn out for it was massive and it was amazing to see so many people that got the chance to meet such a funny, down to earth guy... but now I get to the point of this thread.

At the funeral, there were a number of people crying, including my brother and a few mates I went to the funeral with. Now those mates are guys I went to primary school with too, who also grew up with Elliot, but the thing is I didn't cry. I was obviously depressed about the whole situation, but I'm confused as to why I didn't follow suit. I honestly could not have been more sad, but I didn't shed one tear.

So my question is this - have any of you been in a situation similar to this? How did you cope with it?

 

[Pete]

I don't cry about anyone's death. It freaks me out too. I'm devastatingly sad, but somehow I don't cry. I wonder if I have a heart of stone.

The only time I did cry was when my grandfather died when I was nine. My parents send me to spend the day with my cousin, and it was great, and then when I came back they told me they had done that because they had had to go to my granddad's funeral. I bawled. But after that, I never really cried, for some reason.

 

[Vivido]

I'm a cryer, I cry in movies, in TV shows, births, weddings, you name it I tear up, wouldn't say I'm a sissy or anything, but tears run down my face, and I'm man enough to tell anyone that asks.

August 9th 2009, my best mate was killed in a car crash, It was a Sunday morning, just before midday, I had been with him the night before and it was the worst day of my life, I cried alot for weeks.

The funeral however was different, I stayed strong for a long time, I soke at the funeral and watched as my best mates around me crumbled, it was horrible, I was then one of his paul bearers, it was not untill we put him in the back of the hearse and he drove away that i lost the plot and broke down. Guess I was just holding it in because I new I had responsabilys I dunno.

Geez that was hard to type.

 

[CaptainxBumout]

I can understand what you're saying as I myself rarely cry at funerals. Only time I ever did it was expected but I wasn't bawling my eyes out like the rest of the people sitting around me. Everyone walks around and shakes your hand or hugs you and gives you their condolences but some people were crying hysterically and I just had watery eyes. I'm very good at controlling all my emotions as I'm never mad or sad but I wasn't trying to control my emotions but they just seemed in check for whatever reason.

The aftermath however was not very good. I quit my job, moved in with my parents and kind of just hung out all day not really doing anything for about 2 months. Eventually I reevaluated my life and have actually started a career and have a good life. It saddens me that it happened after a terrible point in my life as it feels like I would have never been able to pursue this had this accident never happened.

It's sort of weird really. My grandparents died and I never cried once. Might have been because I was not that close and yet my brother was just as close and yet he cried a lot. When a pet of mine dies I don't cry until I lay in bed at night. I get streams of tears rolling down my cheeks during movies however. It's weird really. Maybe my love of movies or what not but besides that I rarely cry unless it's physical pain.

 

[Prodigy]

I've been to one funeral in my life, and that was of a Woman who had lived on my street all her life and she was in her 70s or 80s when she died. I didn't cry but I was very upset, I mean this Woman had been there throughout my time growing up on the street, she'd probably looked after me when I was a kid and my parents wanted to go out, she always chatted to me when I was on my way back from School and she was waiting for a Taxi to pick her up and go out and she knew a shit load about Football, I remember having a quality chat with her about the World Cup in Summer 06. I still kinda miss her today because she was kind of like a main stay on the street and someone you would always get along with and talk to.

So although I didn't cry I was still upset, I don't think there's anything to be ashamed about if you do not cry because everyone handles stuff in different ways. I don't know how I'd react when my Grandparents die because my stand point is that everyone dies eventually, and I know that all of them but one have had good healthy lives and I'd rather be happy at the memories I had with them then be upset that they're gone because it is inevitable. As for the one grandparent I said hadn't had a healthy life, that's my Nana, I mean it's been good for in ways, but health problems have ruined it for her a lot, she's in a Wheelchair now after 2 strokes and numerous heart attacks and I feel that she hasn't been able to live life to the full, so my reaction may be different when she passes, saying that, she's a battler and the fact that she's still here today is amazing, I know that when she does pass she won't of passed without a fight. My reaction for friends, siblings and parents if they passed would probably be different, seeing as I still rely on my parents and I'm with friends a lot of the time as well as my siblings, it would certainly affect me in a different way to what Grand Parents dieing would and I would shed a lot more tears.

So to be honest, I'd rather celebrate the lives the people had then be sad they're gone too much. Of course I'll always miss them and be upset at times, but like I said, death happens to everyone and I don't think I'd cry over it too much knowing it is inevitable.

 

[Defiant]

Went to a funeral probably under 6 months ago, my sister's boyfriend's dad was killed instantly when he was taken off his motorcycle by a car pulling out of a driveway. Wasn't that close to him myself but the atmosphere at the funeral was thick.

Being one of the few not crying at a funeral is a weird feeling, I almost feel guilty just because of that. Some people are just better at not showing their grief, other times you can assume that the pain just hasn't set in yet. But its not abnormal.

 

[Rated R Superstar]

I have never cried about a death in my life. Mostly because I can never actually believe they are gone. I lost a friend about 2 years ago. She's my age, and died just days before our graduation. She was pulling into her fucking driveway, and some asshole was tailing too close to her. She died right on her driveway. I still can't believe she's gone. She was so full of life, so happy.

But it's not unusual to not cry, some people just, can't.

 

[Defiant]

I have never cried about a death in my life. Mostly because I can never actually believe they are gone. I lost a friend about 2 years ago. She's my age, and died just days before our graduation. She was pulling into her fucking driveway, and some asshole was tailing too close to her. She died right on her driveway. I still can't believe she's gone. She was so full of life, so happy.

But it's not unusual to not cry, some people just, can't.

Yeah that's another thing I should have mentioned above. I've felt like a death has really hit me close to home. I was very depressed when George Carlin and Randy Savage passed away, ALMOST cried when Eddge Guerrero died, but none that have really hit me in the chest, even out of people I've known. I suppose I'm fortunate, but I can think of some deaths that I couldn't see myself getting over.

 

[Rated R Superstar]

Yeah that's another thing I should have mentioned above. I've felt like a death has really hit me close to home. I was very depressed when George Carlin and Randy Savage passed away, ALMOST cried when Eddge Guerrero died, but none that have really hit me in the chest, even out of people I've known. I suppose I'm fortunate, but I can think of some deaths that I couldn't see myself getting over.

I was devastated when Eddie died, couldn't go to school I was so upset.

 

[Ashez]

The worst death Ive had to deal with is Eddie Guerrero.. and that's saying something. Ive never had someone close to me die, only a role model. Im scared to lose anyone.. I dont know who, when, and it scares me. Something being ripped away from me in the blink of an eye... I mean, I could go to bed tonight, and not wake up.. that's scary shit.

 

[Heisenberg]

Back in primary school someone I knew but not really friends with passed away after a battle with cancer which was sad especially since he was young but I was a bit too young to really have a lot of emotions etc but I did get a bit teary.

When Eddie Guerrero died I was upset and when I seen the death ceremony on RAW and when it was announced I was in tears, I still get a bit emotional watching the show on YouTube now or tributes to him.

 

[Defiant]

It probably doesn't count as sadness, but I remember just being overwhelmed with shock and speechlessness when I heard Chris Benoit died (before those other reports came in). He's still in my top 3 of all time in the ring.

 

[AF.]

I've cried at every funeral I've been too. I've been to 4 and 3 of which were my grandparents, and 1 was my uncle. It's sad as hell (possibly the saddest thing ever), but some people just aren't criers. My dad and brother for example.

I've sorta grown out of crying, I can't even remember the last time I cried.