Donnie watches NWA-TNA 2003

[BigVanDonnie]

WA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: KID KASH. Since-12/2/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: AMAZING RED & JERRY LYNN. Since-16/4/03

NWA-TNA PPV#41
April 23rd, 2003
TNA Asylum

Recap of the birth of the Gathering, Jeff slowly becoming a paranoid bastard, the ECW/NC feud, and AJ fighting SEX.

Not sure why any of that was necessary for the viewer, but it was well done at least.

In the back, Raven does that thing he does, so here you go.

"A great poet once said, Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes. Turn and face the strange. Jeff Jarrett your reign as NWA world heavyweight champion is about to come to an end in just seven days. 168 hours, ten thousand and eighty minutes, i will step in the ring with you and i will achieve my birthright. I will become the NWA world heavy champion champion, and there's not a damn thing that you can do about it. However, tonight, my Gathering, I'm going to need from you the ultimate in sacrifices . I'm going to need you to lay life and limb at my feet to accomplish what needs to be done to set the stage in order for my ascended's to the throne. It is going to be a glorious night, tonight will be the impedance that leads us into next week, and i will drop the mother of all bombs on Jeff Jarrett, that will make Hiroshima look like a love-in. AND THE MUSHROOM CLOUD THAT EMERGERS, I WILL RISE FROM THAT LIKE THE PHOENIX FROM THE ASHES AND I WILL ACHIEVE MY DESTINY. I WILL ACHIEVE MY DESTINY. QUOTH, THE RAVEN NEVERMORE"

Another masterpiece from one of the greatest talkers to ever do it. I probably spelled half of it wrong because he talks like a 18th century poet with an opium addiction, but i just have to write it out so everyone can get a taste of his greatness on display. Also, this is the perfect promo to cut before he wins the title and holds it hostage for the rest of the year before AJ becomes the hero TNA needs and takes it from him. A perfect story is brewing, and i'm sure TNA won't do anything stupid and halt destiny for two years like a bunch of stupid people that want to lose money and be laughed at by everyone, which would give us another classic LOLTNA moment.

TONIGHT, RED VS LYNN IN A #1 CONTENDERS MATCH.

In the carpark, Disco yells at Sanders for dressing like a dickhead, which is very funny given his gimmick. The rest of SEX show up and Disco slaps Sonny for being late, so DY gets in his face before they're pulled apart! SEX walks off AND AJ AND D-LO ATTACK DISCO AND SANDERS AND BEAT THE PISS OUT OF THEM, AND IT'S NOW A TAG MATCH.

Match#1 AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown vs Disco Inferno & Mike Sanders
The faces beat them all the way through the Asylum and into the ring, and it's such a wonderful sight watching this new super team come together and be amazing right off the bat. Smug Mike says AJ spent a few days in the hospital getting his knee drained after last week, so he's even more pissed off than before. Loads of ugly shots to Disco's stupid face, and D-Lo is awesome as always. AJ gets isolated when they go for his knee and nuke it. Good work from the heels as they have something to focus on, and AJ's selling is pretty good on top of it. D-Lo's hot tag is brief but pretty fun. Shit breaks down as it tends to happen. AJ tries to come off the top but Daniels shoves him off for the DQ
**1/4

Lynn and Red rush the ring and fight XXX, while AJ beats the fuck out of Disco in the crowd. DY and Sonny join and turn the tide and our heroes are left laying.

In the back, Jeff says he doesn't understand Raven's cryptic bullshit and then runs down ECW because he's unoriginal dweeb.. Watts walks over and says we need to work on peace and love, and he has a straightjacket that he plans on using on Raven if he doesn't listen to him. EAT ALL THE SHIT.

DW says tonight we will have the Ultimate Sin match! James Mitchell will explain it later on.

Backstage, someone has laid out Chris Harris. Good, fuck him after last week.

XXX make their way out and Skipper says they aren't going to wrestle AMW in the #1 contenders match, and they should be awarded the spot. WAIT A FUCKING SECOND. Last week, we were told that Skipper/Daniels were fighting for the #1 contenders spot for the X title, not the tag titles. This shit wasn't even mentioned at all. MORE TO THE POINT, XXX WERE TAG CHAMPS LAST WEEK, SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY HAVE TO FACE OFF TI EARN ANOTHER SPOT WHEN THEY SHOULD HAVE A REMATCH CLAUSE. ALSO, AMW HAVE BEEN HAVING PROBLEMS AND HAVEN'T HAD A TAG MATCH IN A FEW WEEKS, SO WHY ARE THEY BEING REWARDED. Russo is actually braindead, and i will be too if this keeps up.

Storm rushes out to the ring and the match is on!

Match#2 Triple X vs America's Most Wanted (#1 Contenders Match)
Storm is a goddamn house of fire and beats the snot out of these fuckers. Just a big insane display of offence from him, and some killer bumps from the heels. He keeps trying to end it before the numbers get him, and it's a killer maniac run before they finally cut him off. Wonderful control seg as always and amazing FIP work, you know the deal by now. It seems all hope is lost, BUT CHRIS HARRIS STUMBLES OUT AND JUMPS ON THE APRON. Skipper blasts him off the ring and he takes header into the rail, and Storm keeps getting his ass kicked. Harris drags himself back up and finally gets the tag and he goes postal in one of the best tags of his short career. His head is wreaked so they cut him off as soon as they can. Storm gets kicked off the apron this time and Harris is all alone. He guts it out and survives the BME and looks like he can maybe do the impossible. He sets Elix up for the Catatonic, but Daniels punts him in the dick and the heels steal it
***

Post match, Storm helps him up and yells at him before leaving.

In the back, Alexsis promises to rip off Goldy's head if she doesn't fuck off. She walk off and finds Jeff grandma, AND SHE SHOVES HER INTO A WALL AND TRIES TO KILL HER, BUT JEFF HEADLOCKS HER FROM BEHIND AND DRAGS HER TO THE CARPARK AND DROPS HER IN A UTE AND WALKS OFF. Awesome shit.

At ringside, Watts shows up and says he'll put Raven in the jacket. Begging them to not do it.

In the back, Father James talks about the Ultimate Sin match. The ring ropes are covered in REAL barbwire and not the WCW kind. Yep, he's still mad at them. There's trash cans and canes on a pole. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Basically, there's a ton of plunda and it will be a massacre.

Match#3 The Sandman, Perry Saturn & New Jack vs The New Church (ULTIMATE SIN)
Another really fun bloody brawl between these 6. Nothing we haven't seen a million times at this point, but also not something that will ever really suck if everyone gives a shit. Everyone bleeds and murders people for a good while, and Slash is again the standout as a complete lunatic. This time he bleeds worse than ever and takes some horrid shots to the skull. Speaking of, Justin Credible shows up and turns the tide. He gets a bat from the roof (STING) AND JUMPS OFF A LADDER AND ENDS POOR SLASH'S LIFE WITH A HORRIBLE SHOT RIGHT TO THE HEAD AND PERRY STEALS THE WIN
**3/4

The Biggie Credible pose happens post match.

Recap of Kash/Trinity. This is the worst rehash of HHH/Chyna ever.

In the ring, Kash says the same shit he's been saying for weeks. JUST FUCKING STOP IT. Trinity comes down and we've got a match

Match#4 Kid Kash vs Trinity
Trinity beats him all over the place and it's a lot of fun, both because she's cool and Kash is the shits. His work when he takes over is very bad, despite Trinity trying her best. SEX come out and murder Kash this time. I don't even. Trinity wins, and hopefully we can all move on
*1/2

In the back, Father James yells at Slash to take care of it.

Shark Boy comes out for his match, but Slash ends his life on the ramp. He rushes the ring and grabs shitty JB. He says you don't play around with me who live in the darkness, and Credible attacks him from behind and we've got a match

Match#5 Slash vs Justin Credible
Half dead Slash is still better than this hack. Not shocking, but very funny to write. They have a big bloody brawl around the ring and it's good fun from Slash's end. JC is really bad and sloppy, and shouldn't be here, but Slash is the best. He uses the cane and batters this bastard for his 2000 title run, and the X-Factor run. They fight out in the carpark and the ECW guys attack him like cowards and the bell rings for the DQ.
**

SANDMAN RUNS AROUND THE CORNER WITH A FLAMING SINGAPORE CANE AND KILLS SLASH. MY FUCKING GOD. HE KEEPS SWINGING AND SCREAMING AND THE NC RUN FOR IT.

Watts comes back out to the ring for this nonsense. He makes gay bants because he thinks Raven wearing a skirt means he's gay, and not just a junkie punk living life his way. Julio runs out and is tweaking from Raven's stash. Watts now makes birds jokes about his name. FUCK OFF YOU CUNT. He beats the shit out of Julio to ZERO reaction from the crowd. Literally nothing he does gets a pop. Alexsis runs down and kicks Watts in the dick and they beat him up for a while. Jeff finally shows up and easily beats them both up because he's the toughest man in the world. He powebombs Julio through Alexsis and leaves like a lone wolf badass. God, i wish Austin was here to stun him like old times.

Recap of Red/Lynn winning the titles. Love TNA re-doing the Kidman/Rey jnr angle. Really new and innovative stuff.

K-DAWG MAKES HIS RETURN AND JOINS COMMENTARY TO MAKE MY LIFE A LITTLE WORSE.

Match#6 Amazing Red vs Jerry Lynn (X-Division #1 Contenders Match)
Both men are hurt from earlier, so this isn't what it was last year, sadly. Still, i like that they bothered to sell and didn't ignore it like assholes, so kudos. They have a pretty fun back an forth for a while and neither man can really control the other for too long, so it's lots of cool counter and fun spots. The ref gets bumped and Truth makes his return and kills Lynn with the Lie Detector, and tells K-Dawg they need to talk. OH NO. Red hits the Infrared to win
**3/4

In the back, Watts is sadly not dead and he's hunting Raven. Raven thankfully finds him first and ends his horrible fucking life with the EVENFLOW and shouts for Jeff.

NEXT WEEK. JEFF JARRETT VS RAVEN FOR THE NATIONAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

Yes, I'm stupidly excited despite knowing the result will break me.

They replay the amazing hype video.

Jeff is STORMING like a badass again. He finds Raven and they have an amazing fight all over the place. Killer old school rasslin brawl between two sons of a bygone era. Jeff brains him with a gross chairshot and puts him in the straightjacket. He brains him again, and this rules because Raven will get his revenge next week when he wins. RAVEN GETS BACK UP A BLOODY MESS AND JEFF HITS HIM AGAIN. THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND WHEN THEY COME BACK ON THE EXTREME BLOOD-BROTHERS ARE STANDING BEHIND JEFF. HE TRIES TO FIGHT THEM OFF, BUT RAVEN KILLS HIM WITH THE EVENFLOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! They wrap him in the jacket and wrap his legs with barbwire and really fuck his life up. Sandman stands in the corner refusing to move. RAVEN TAKES THE CANE AND BEATS THE SHIT OUT OF JEFF WHO IS HUNG UPSIDE DOWN IN THE ROPES. THEY POSE OVER HIM TO CLOSE THE SHOW

What an angle.

3 amazing episodes in a row, this means it's time for the fall.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: KID KASH. Since-12/2/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: AMAZING RED & JERRY LYNN. Since-16/4/03

NWA-TNA PPV#42

April 30th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Footage of Jeff arriving to the building flanked by blackshirts kicks us off. Tenay says this is THE biggest match in TNA's history.

TONIGHT. JEFF/RAVEN FOR THE NWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP. RED/KASH FOR THE X-DIVISION CHAMPIONSHIP

Match#1 New Church w/Father James Mitchell vs Nazi Harris Brothers vs Justin Credible & Perry Saturn vs America's Most Wanted
Zero clue why this happening as a 4-way and not another NC/ECW fight, nor why the fucking Nazis are in this. But in saying that, I'll take anything with AMW vs NC, so fuck it. DW says the Asylum has over a thousand fans in attendance tonight, and it really is the biggest night ever. Just rubbing salt into my wounds rn. This is pretty fun times as everyone excluding the Nazis tries hard, and we get some new stuff with all the others. Storm has a great hot tag before everything breaks down as it tends to. AMW start working well again and set up Saturn for the DS, but one of the Nazis kicks Harris into Storm and Saturn quickly hits the DVD to win
**1/2

Backstage, we get another horrible SEX segment. Disco rants about Raven turning his back on them and re-joining the Blood-Brothers. He calls him a junkie and all the same shitty tired insults that were dead by 96, tbh. He promises to find Raven, and then to make sure the title comes back to SEX no matter who wins. Well, Raven is winning, so fuck you for doubting him.

Backstage, Goldy says people keep making an example of Lynn and she wonders if he's sick of it. He is extremely sick of it, it turns out. He promises we will see another side of him tonight.

Before their match, Daniels says Lynn and Red are not a dream team, they are. He knows the fans want to see all 3 members all in action, so he challenges him to put the titles on the line against ALL 3 members of XXX next week. Lynn says if he wins, they'll defend the title against ONE member of XXX next week. Shit is on

Match#2 Christopher Daniels vs Jerry Lynn (Winner's dream tag title match)
Lynn is spitting mad and beats Daniels up for a while. Fun angry stuff from Lynn, with a tiny bit of his normal nonsense because he can't help himself. Daniels cuts him off and gets some time to show everyone what he can do in a singles match. Nothing mind blowing, but super solid work from one of the most solid dudes EVER. Lynn's comeback is brief as they jump right in the final run as soon as he comes back. Good back and forth for a while before Lynn shockingly low-blows Daniels and gets a rollup to win.
**3/4

Good way to sell Lynn isn't going to take it anymore.

Hype video for the Blood-Brothers.

We come from that to Perry and the ECW dudes yelling at SEX for being dorks, or something. Not like it matters. Anway, It devolves into Sandman saying they'll have Raven's back tonight if they can find him, so Disco yells that'll find him first and make him pay. I hate Disco so much

Before his tag match, AJ does a cut in saying it doesn't matter who wins tonight, the title is coming to him VERY soon. Hmmmmm

Match#3 AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown vs Sonny Siaki & David Young w/Desiree
Sonny is on the only dead weight this week, so this is very fun. AJ is on one tonight and is cleaner and crisper than normal, and D-Lo and DY rule as always. Sonny fucks up lot of stuff, including the Stylin' DDT where AJ lands on his shoulders because Sonny doesn't catch him. AJ gets isolated and it's great stuff thanks to DY being a monster, and AJ dying on everything. Sonny is also there doing very basic things, but fuck him. D-Lo's hot tag rocks, before it all breaks down as it tends to. Everyone goes nuts and AJ does the Pele, and DW loses his freaking mind and dubs it as such. AJ UPS IT WHEN HE DOES THE SPRINGBOARD SHOOTING STAR PRESS TO THE FLOOR. Such a stunning insane dive. Back in the ring, Sonny gets nuked with the Clash and the Low-Down for the loss
***

They show a D-Lo pre tape after the match. He says no matter who wins, the title will be down with the brown eventually.

Earlier today, Tenay interviewed Truth. He cuts another promo about being held back because he's African American, and he and Konnan have been held back. He says Konnan was right about the company not caring about them, and it's time to do something. K-Dawg cuts the same promo as always, and i am not covering his shit. Either way, the Krew has almost been born and Truth is now 100% a heel.

One of the dancers in the cage is attacked by a woman! Pretty sure it's Traci Brooks.

We find Raven in his perch burning candles and sitting against a full-length mirror. He talks about the two factions fighting to find him because he is the ONLY one who can win the NWA Worlds Championship. He dips wax on his hand and talks about the title meaning everything to Jeff, and it reminds of a song " Like a heartbeat, drives you mad In the stillness of remembering, what you had. And what you lost" Raven quoting one of the most famous drug fueled bands ever in Fleetwood Mac is maybe the most appropriate one he's ever bought up. He says Jeff will feel the RAVEN EFFECT and he will be looking to the skies for divine intervention, he wants him to know it hurts him as well, but this is his DESTINY.

Match#4 Chris Sabin vs Jason Cross vs Shark Boy vs Jimmy Rave (Elimination Match)
TNA screws us out of the chance for a singles banger between Sabin/Rave. Bastards. Still, this is a fun spotfest between 4 young hungry kids trying to get to the next level. Everyone goes nuts, and Sabin nearly snaps his leg off a botched dive in a really fucking scary moment. Poor kid doesn't know TNA don't pay hospital bills. Shark Boy beats Rave with The cutter off the top. Sabin takes another insane bump to the floor, and i love him even more than i did. Cross/Shark is fun enough, but a little botchy from both. Sabin is alive and gets back in to save it by being a lunatic again. He beats Cross with Future Shock, which is the best. Super fun sprint happens between him and Shark, with both looking fantastic. SABIN NAILS THE FUTURE SHOCK AND THE KID DOES IT. HAIL FUCKING SABIN
**3/4

Backstage, we find Watts with some plunda, and a horrible segment with Dusty happens. I just can't cover this shit.

We get a recap of Red beating Lynn last week. I honestly forgot that happened, but it's leading somewhere we should have been a fucking year ago.

We get a video showing all the drama between Trinity and Kash. Russo is the fucking worst, but he never feared using women in big angles and i ALMOST respect him for it.

Backstage, Goldy is with Kash. She says Trinity should be the champion after beating him last week, which is true. Kash rants about it being a non-title match and how he sent her away to think about what she did. He sleezes on Goldy, and i want punch him in his stupid rat face. Fuck this

Match#5 Kid Kash (C) vs The Amazing Red (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Red puts on his carrying boots for this sloppy rat-faced snotrag. Big bumps, cool offence, etc. Just Red being the fucking man the only way he knows how. Kash uses the same lame as fuck spots because he hasn't done anything new since 2000. Really shows the talent of, Rhino, AJ and Red (and AJ again in 2004) for their amazing carry jobs for this goof. Long control seg happens and Red dies on everything to make it work. His comeback is good times with him going full ham. The ref gets bumped and Baw Gawd Trinity is here!!! She kills Kash with a Slop-Drop and Red makes the cover to win the title. Thank God he won, but that finish didn't do him any favours.
**3/4

TNA runs a pretape with the roster hyping up the main event. Good stuff to build this and put it over the top. All that needs to happen next is Raven winning.

Traci Brooks attacks the dancer again and takes her place, so the dancer cuts a promo. NOT A FUCKING CHANCE. RUSSO. Also, this is the most TNA thing to run this bullshit before the biggest match in company history. Call this reason 27 why TNA is a baron wasteland that is involved in a invasion angle where they get insulted on their own TV show.

They air the amazing Raven hype video.'

They air a great one for Jeff.

"THE MOST ANTICIPATED MATCH IN TNA HISTORY"

5 months of the best build have lead us to this moment, and it feels SO fucking huge. Like, AJ/Jeff was insane and i loved it, but that was maybe 6 weeks of build, this has been nearly 6 months in the making and it's the best thing TNA has done. Tradition vs Destiny finally meet for the richest prize in the game.

Match#6 Jeff Jarrett (C) vs Raven w/The Gathering (NWA World Heavyweight Championship)
They have that wonderful feeling out process that i am forever a sucker for. Raven seems to get the best of it right away. and Jeff looks worried. He puts that over the top when he instigates a huge brawl at ringside! Julio accidently brains Raven with a chair ad busts him open! Jeff takes out the gathering, but Raven hits his amazing plancha to stay on top of it. Love that he's always a step ahead, and Jeff can't do this the way he wants. Jeff gets busted open off a Drop-Toe-Hold into the steps! Raven beats the shit out of him and it's very fun, but he feels a little off at points. Not sure if he's pissed at the finish, or he's fucked up from the night before, but there's a little sloppiness in-between all the great stuff. Raven has some nasty boots to the skull in a brutal visual. Jeff's come is awesome, and he again shines at the babyface hero role. Amazing punches and dropkicks, mixed with all his other great stuff. He nails the Stroke and Raven kicks out!!! Raven gathers his bearings and hits the EVENFLOW, and Jeff kicks out. Oh No. I get doing finish kickouts, but no one should kick out of either, and no one should be kicking out of the fucking Evenflow yet. They fight near a table and Jeff hits a wonderful babyface elbow to send Raven though it, and it looks like he's going to do it. He hits an EVENFLOW of his own, and Raven has to be saved by the Gathering instead of being able to kick out of his own finish. FUCK YOU. The Gathering gets booted out and the ref is bumped right after, because we need more fuckery. Speaking of, NC and SEX brawl around the ring and Blood-Brothers show up to help Raven. They murder Jeff with plunda and Raven handcuffs his hands behind his back! They superkick chairs into his skull and he's for sure dead. Raven lines him up for the kill shot, but the lights go out AND SABU IS HERE. HE THROWS A CHAIR AT RAVEN AND KILLS ALL THE ECW GUYS. Sabu not fighting for ECW makes sense with the way he left, but this too much for the match. We get back to it and an NWA rep comes down with a handcuff key and the ref tries to uncuff him Holy shit, the fix is in. Fuck you all. Raven grabs the key...and he lets Jeff out! hahahahahahha. not even full blown junkie Raven would be that stupid. Actually, Junkie Raven was NEVER this stupid, so eat shit. Raven hits another stunning EVENFLOW and Jeff kicks out again after zero hesitation on the pin. Raven picks him up for another, but Jeff easily swings out and hits the Stroke to win
**3/4

Dusty comes out to celebrate the death of another over wrestler who could steal his thunder to close the show.

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT. That was actually most upsetting than it was 5 years ago when we last watched this. I remember being mad at Jeff kicking out of the Evenflow and the finish, but seeing Raven be made to look like a complete moron that forgot who he was, when he would never is SO much worse. Dude couldn't even kick out of his own finish and needed the help of a dozen droogs, and he still lost. He had help before in ECW/WCW, but in the end he got it done, or at shit when it was the time to eat shit. His first title match as the top heel is not the time of place for this. He now looks like a fool, and TNA will treat him as such until June of 2005 when they suddenly decide to give him the title. Not that makes up for it, because that has some SERIOUS bullshit as well, but at least he won the fucking thing. He'll now get involved in a feud with Sabu over a fake promise to the Sheik, and then a feud with DDP and Watts! Just a series of horrible missteps before they finally fix things for 3 months.

Jeff Jarrett is someone I've never liked. Simon said it best in the WCW review. He's got this thing where he elicits such visceral fucking hatred just by being a thing. His stupid face, attire and going over when he shouldn't all add to it. He can be wonderful in the ring in the ring as history (and these reviews) have shown us. He can sell a feud better than most, and he can carry a crippled drug addict whenever called upon. But his anger at being a born mid-card guy leads up to moments like this. Moments where he has to stroke his ego and fuck over wrestlers that need the win SO much more than he does. No one can ever tell me he should have won on April 30th, 2003.

TNA is the most frustrating alive company in history. Every bad thing that happens to them is deserved because they bring it upon themselves by being brain dead morons. I'd trust Herb Abrams to book a fed more than these stupid assholes.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: AMAZING RED. Since-30/403
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: AMAZING RED & JERRY LYNN. Since-16/4/03

NWA-TNA PPV#43
May 7th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Recap of last week opens the show. Sadly, they don't make Raven the champion and just pretend the bullshit didn't happen.

TONIGHT A #1 CONTENDER WILL BE DECIDED.

In the ring, DW and Tenay explain how the #1 contender will be decided. DW says it will be called Anarchy in the Asylum, a giant cluster fuck Royal Rumble where elimantion rules and pinfalls and submissions will be legal. DW says it will be Sandman vs New Jack vs Sabu with the winner going on to the main event. Storm and Harris will fight one and one with the winner also going on to the main event. AND Triple X will face AJ/D-Lo with the winners going on to the main event. Jesus, do you think that's enough, you assholes. Also, Jeff has hurt his knee and will give us an update.

Match#1 AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown vs Low Ki & Elix Skipper (Winners advance to the main event)
Happy to see Ki is alive and well. He was in Japan kicking people in the face, and probably being a shithead. Him vs AJ rules as always! Gross strikes and amazing flurries between two of the best in the world. The other pairings are great as well. Especially, AJ/Skipper. We get two control segs on each face, and each one is a ton of fun. AJ takes some nasty shots and really makes them look more killer than normal. D-Lo's hot tag is fun for a minute before it breaks down. Skipper gets taken out, and Ki's tidal wave is countered into a powerbomb/neckbreaker combo for 3
**3/4

In the back, Disco gives some horrible pep talk to SEX about how he's going to win it all. He ends it by saying he's going to beat the shit out of Double J to send a message. Please stop pushing fucking Disco.

We follow this sack of shit as he storms Jeff's lockeroom and beats him up with a crutch. DW shouts this is wrong, and the king is correct. They fight out into the carpark and Disco keeps kicking his ass until Blackshirts stop it. Well, that was terrible and pretty much tells us something horrible is coming.

Before his match, New Jack cuts a classic New Jack promo about Paul E being a lying sack of shit, and Sabu forgetting where he came from.

Match#2 New Jack vs The Sandman vs Sabu (Winner advances to the main event)
The dream ECW PPV main event we never got. Kudos to TNA for booking it, even with nothing really behind it. Big grimey brawl between 3 of the wildest fucks to ever do it. Tenay says Raven's contract expired last week and his destiny wasn't fulfilled. Hey, fuck you. Sabu uses a spike and rips Jack's skull open, and I'm sure Mass Transit's family is laughing at that one. We get a pip of Disco still beating up Jeff, and i want to die. The 3 kings keep murking each other and it's a ton of fun, even with them being old and crippled. Sandman cuts off Sabu's chair dive with a cane to the skull! Goldy's voice comes over the screen and says Jeff has hurt his hip and is being rushed to the hospital. Jack uses a cherry picker to take himself up to the very top of the Asylum to do his dive, but Sabu moves and Jack is fucking dead. Sabu steals the win from that.
**3/4

In the back, the woman who attacked the stripper is yelling at a NWA rep that she wants to be in the match. She flirts with this creeper and he seems swayed. Gross. Said woman is Tracy Brooks, but we don't know that yet.

Recap video of AMW's problems over the last month. Still can't believe they actually managed to not fuck this up, but kept them together until 2006. TNA is weird.

In the back, Goldy is standing by with AMW. Storm says tonight we find out which side Harris is really on. Chris says he's with AMW, but tonight is about the world title and this is just business. They shake hands with some tension.

Match#4 James Storm vs Chris Harris (Winner advances to the fucking main event)
DW goes over the history of how AMW was formed after a singles match, and how he's sad it's come to this. The fucking best. AMW try to keep things clean but it breaks down after 30 seconds, and they start to beat the shit out of each other. Tenay announces we will get a women's 3 way dance with the winner also going to the fucking main event. Fucking Russo, the bastard. As for the match they keep throwing hard shots at each other and it feels like two best friends finally having it out after a bunch of things have gone wrong. They have a really fun back and forth and neither can really take over for long. Storm counters the Superkick into a rollup to steal it
**3/4

Harris walks out on the handshake at first, but he comes back and embraces his brother and all is well.

In the back, Erik Watts. NOPE

Before the women's match, that dickhead Kash comes down to the ring to yell at Trinity for treating him badly. He keeps being a creeper to her and says he'll handcuff her and make her do whatever he wants. I don't know if teenage me would have been bothered by this, but 30 year old Donnie is very sick of this entire thing. Kash beats her up and handcuffs her and slaps the shit out of her, before he drags her up the ramp. Christ, that was terrible. Also, that killed nearly 10 minutes. I hate TNA.

Match#5 Tracy Brooks vs Desire w/SEX vs Trinity (Winner does a thing in the main event)
Tracy/Desire is very bad because it's 2003, and neither of them are really trained to wrestle. Not a knock on them, but i think we can all admit the score by now. After a few bad minutes of wrestling, DY accidently hits Desiree and Tracy steals it
Shawn Spears becoming a Horseman

The Neo Nazis do the integration, but we don't cover Nazis on this site.

We get a recap of Jerry Lynn swearing he won't take it anymore. BIG FUCKING FAN MAN OF TWISTED SISTER.

In the back, Goldy is with the champs. They have a really bad promo about respect and learning from each other. Lynn challenges Red to fight him for the X-Title when this is all over.

Match#6 Amazing Red & Jerry Lynn vs Christopher Daniels (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
I forgot about this clusterfuck of an angle that puts the heel at the disadvantage. Lynn is SUPER aggressive and really belts the hell out of Daniels, and it's a ton of fun to see him break out new shit and not do the same 10 things. XXX run down and cause a distraction and Daniels hits Red in his bad knee with a chair and takes control! Awesome stuff from both of them, and it's a reminder that 02/03 Daniels is the fucking man and Red is killer as well. Lynn's hot tag is very angry and good. The ref gets bumped and XXX get involved again. Lynn fights them off and gets a chair and starts braining all of them. The ref sees him clobber Daniels, AND HE DQ'S HIM AND THE NWA RULES MEANS WE HAVE NEW CHAMPIONS. SON OF A BITCH
**3/4

Awesome angle.

Match#7 Anarchy In the Asylum (16 Person battle royal for the #1 Contendership)
#1 is Brian Lawler
#2 is D-Lo Brown
Hey, it's the 1998 WWF midcard back on TV. Good for them
Pretty fun fight between two awesome punchers and bumpers.
#3 is Sonny Siaki
Fuck
He adds nothing to the match
#4 is James Storm
He's ALL fired up and picks the action back up
DY rushes the ring and kills Storm with a Spinebuster!
Harris runs down to save Storm, but he gets shoved into him and Storm hits his head off the turnbuckle! SEX dump them both
Storm is pissed and walks out on Harris
#5 is Kid Kash
His offence looks like complete shit tonight, and he makes things a little worse.
#6 is Rick Steiner
FUCKING WHY
Did he threaten to to murder Russo?
He at least drops Sonny on his skull and gets rid of him, but fuck this otherwise.
#7 is Mike Awesome
THANK GOD
He's looking very bloated and like he doesn't care! Super depressing stuff
#8 Justin Credible
Hahahahahahaha fuck you, Biggie
This is terrible.
Normally I'd write tons and tons of whatever is happening in the ring, but nothing is really going on.
Awesome and Credible fight through the crowd, and TNA decided to stick with the terrible in ring stuff and not the brawl
#9 is Ron Killings
He's all fired up and tries his best to save it, but these fucks can't be helped.
Awesome is beating the shit out of Credible with a chair by the dancers
#10 Is Tracy Brooks
Oh, cool. she gets attacked by the striper from last week.
Thanks Russo, so glad we got a follow up on that.
This is one of the worst matches I've seen a while.
#11 is Saturn
Kash hits Tracy with the Moneymaker to get rid of her
The masked Luchardor runs out and throws Kash out of the ring
Perry fights Steiner and it's the best thing this match has done.
#12 is Disco
He has the Nazis with him just to hurt me
They attack everyone
Steiner, Truth are thrown out
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
#13 is Konnan
...
He fights the Nazi's in one of the most nightmare matches in history.
They drag him out in the crowd and put him through a table and Disco pins him
#14 is Buff Bagwell
....
Truth attacks the Nazis in the back and they fight off out the door
Lawler is dumped by Buffy
#15 is AJ Styles
OH MY GOD, THANK YOU
HE'S ALL FIRED UP AND SAVES THE MATCH BY BEING AWESOME
Sanders attacks Awesome and throws him over the top through a table to get rid of him.
AJ is going nuts on Saturn and it's fantastic.
#16 is Sabu
He dumps Credible and goes after Disco.
AJ springboard dropkicks D-Lo out of the match.
AJ is God
Sabu rana's Saturn out of the ring and gets rid of him.
AJ, Disco and Sabu are the final 3
An awesome fight breaks out around ringside and this should have just been the fucking match.
AJ/Sabu is amazing, and i need to find that Wildside match
Sabu nearly kills himself off the dive when he hits the concrete!
AJ busts Disco open and they have another super fun fight with amazing punches.
Disco fights out of the Clash and dumps AJ out
WE ARE DOWN TO TWO
Sabu murders Disco with the spike and it's so much fun to watch this sack of shit bleed like a pig.
He keeps beating the hell out of him and it looks like he has it won, BUT RAVEN COMES OUT AND KILLS HIM WITH A CHAIR AND THE EVENFLOW
DISCO STEALS THE WIN
FUCK
**1/4

Horrible, horrible match, but that last 5 minutes was fantastic.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: AMAZING RED. Since-30/403
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

NWA-TNA PPV#44
May 14th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Long recap of last week kicks us off. Considering TNA isn't making any money at this point, I'm still shocked these PPV's are doing enough buys to even justify airing them. Then again, TNA is Rasputin, so i can never be truly shocked.

Disco arrives in a limo and a nice suit. He pays the camera man to follow him around for the rest of the night. In the background, we see Watts arrive.

In the ring, SEX are standing by for some terrible promo time. They bring out Disco to celebrate last week, and i just want to die a little more. He says because he isn't a Southerner he's never been able to connect with the fans, but when he wins tonight, the fans will come with him. He keeps talking about how he'll take SEX to the promiseland and his stroke will be bigger than ever. He says he's making a hit list and Raven is on top of it. His reasoning is because Raven has been fucking around with the ECW guys and not them, which is dumb. Disco offers an olive branch to anyone to join them and Team ECW come out. New Jack cuts a Jack promo about how much of a bitch Disco is. It turns into a brawl and the ECW guys hold the ring. Terrible stuff.

At ringside, Tenay says Jeff will have an interview tonight addressing the last few weeks

TONIGHT. AMAZING RED VS CHRIS SABIN. TRIPLE X VS AJ/D-LO.

In the back, Sabin tries to talk about his big shot tonight, but Lynn walks on and says he's gotten the word it will be a three way dance! Sabin tries to tell him it would be a REALLY bad idea, but Lynn calls him a punk and promises to win the title.

Match#1 Amazing Red (C) vs Chris Sabin vs Jerry Lynn (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Pretty fun three-way spot fest, with a tiny bit of Lynn's nonsense being thrown in. Sabin/Red is a fantastic, and I'm sure the singles match will be bonkers. Tenay wonders what Sabin meant by warning Lynn not to get in this, and all of a sudden Triple X show up to watch. Moves a traded for a while and it's pretty fun, but sort of old at this point. They up it and have a dive train, and Red smokes them all with his stunning summersault. Pace quickens from there and they go nuts with everything they can think of. Red hits the Code Red and Ki pulls the refs foot! They argue and Skipper shoves Red off the ropes and kills him with the POD, AND THEY THROW SABIN ON TOP OF HIM AND HE WINS THE TITLE.
**3/4

Triple X offer him a shirt and the little bastard takes it. HAIL SABIN

In the back, New Jack yells at Sandman for offering to talk to SEX and make peace. Saturn says Sandman can do what he wants, but don't expect them to save him if it goes bad.

In the SEX locker room, Sabin celerbates with his new friends. Disco demands that Sanders fights Awesome and that the Nazis bring him Sabu. Kash walks in and sucks up so they don't murder him for being the worst. He drags in Trinity and offers her up to them. Oh, that's great. Just great. Please kill yourself, Russo.

Match#2 Mike Awesome w/Father James vs Mike Sanders (Tables Match)
Unannounced gimmick match on a weeks' build. Russo is smiling like an asshole rn. Awesome looks a little better this week as he's moving better and isn't as bloated. They brawl around the building and it's decent enough for an early 2000's brawl. The Nazis and the NC get involved and fight out into the carpark where the rest of SEX join in and leave them laying. The match goes on and Awesome beats the crap out of this twit. He has it won but Disco hits him with a chair to send him through a table
*1/4

Really cool that Disco is now the top heel in TNA. I'm glad it's not a Raven or AJ, because that would suck

In the back, Harris says Storm is pissed at him and isn't talking to him. He says he is a victim of circumstance and he's sick of it all. Last week was two brothers fighting and AMW as been his #1 priority. He says he's going to beat the shit out of David Young to show everyone that he's loyal.

Backstage, Watts storms SEX's locker room and says "Eric from WCW" who happens to be DDP's best friend will be coming to TNA to be the new director of authority. Hahahahahaha, imagine thinking Eric is going to leave the easiest pay day of his life for this shitshow. The Nazis run in and throw the Gathering at Disco's feet. I hate everything.

Kash comes out to the ring and challenges Killings to a fight. So, i guess Truth is a face again despite the last month?

Match#4 Ron Killings w/Konnan vs Kid Kash
K-Dawg joins commentary for some horrible banter. Really nice to see Truth finally back in a fucking ring, even against this dork. He's fired up and beats the fuck out of Kash with his killer offence and Kash does his job as best he can. Kid does the same chair to the head spot to take over and it's good enough. Truth starts to make his comeback but the Nazis attack Konnan! Truth fights them and the masked Luchador runs in and kills Kash with the DDT! Truth gets back in and steals the win
**1/2

In the carpark, Goldie is walking alongside Sandman. She asks what he expects to get out of this and he says " maybe a Party" Love him so much. We find Sonny and Desiree, who have a table set up with beer on it and like a bat signal in the sky, The Sandman walks over to have one. Sandman is mad because he wants Disco, but a beer makes him calm down. Desiree sits on his lap and strokes the cane like she's Francine (She's no Sharon Stone, let's face it) Sandman goes to kiss her but he turns her around just as DY swings a cane, and she's dead. Sandman and Sonny brawl back into the Asylum and it's decent enough for an AB. Sandman beats the crap out of him until the Nazis make the save and leave him laying.. Team ECW make the save and another lifeless brawl breaks out. Saturn grabs the mic and challenges Disco to a fight and it's accepted.

They air a Double J video where he says he's torn ligaments in his knee and he'd be an idiot to come back and fight again, but that's who he is. It turns into him ranting about Russo being bad at finishing storylines and saying Disco's new gimmick could take him to the same level as Taker and Stone Cold. Just kill me before i do it, please.

Backstage, Kash is throwing things like a dweeb. Traci Brooks comes in and grabs him by the head and says she loves being treated rough and she knows her place is in a cage. Kill me. She rubs him with lotion and then kicks him in the dick. This is why it took 2 months to finish this.

Match#5 David Young vs Chris Harris
Harris is ALL fired up and beats the crap out of DY, and it's fun times. Can really see the money in him being a top face, and then you get sad when you remember it ends with a fat Dustin Rhodes and a rat. Harris keeps being awesome and kicking ass until Sonny comes out and pulls the rope down to take him out. DY's control is short but great again, and i really wish he had an X-Division run, give his Springboard Moonsault is stunning as hell and he's better than half the scrubs they gave chances too. Cough, Kaz, Cough. Harris' comeback is fun as always, but way too short. Sonny gets involved so Storm makes the save and fights him through the crowd, but SEX jump him and kick the shit out of him. Back in the ring, Harris fights back and hits the Catatonic to win
**3/4

Harris looks for Storm and the crowd shouts for him to look in locker room. He runs down and, Storm is thrown bloody and dead. Awesome stuff.

In the back, Disco tells Alexsis and Julio that Raven doesn't give a shit about them and they can join SEX right now. He asks them to come to the ring with him and they agree. Booooo, fucking turncoats.

Match#6 Disco Inferno w/Gathering vs Perry Saturn
They have a decent little fight with some good punches and stomps, and given where Saturn is at this point in his life, I'll take it. Tenay says AMW have gone to the hospital due to the beating. Gathering get involved and turn the tide and Disco's control is fine enough. He works the knee for a while and he's ok when he has a thing to focus on, plus Saturn sells well. Saturn fights back with one leg!! He has it won with the DVD, but the Gathering get in and attack him. He fights them off and Disco hits a Diamond Cutter and then the Chartbuster to win. Very weird he did that.
**1/2

Backstage, Goldy is with the new superteam of AJ and D-Lo. Brown says he and AJ are the last two men on SEX's hitlist and they will DIE for what is there's and TNA is now his home so jump on him and AJ. Styles says he didn't turn down the WWE for nothing! This is his home and they aren't taking his spot!!!! SEX is dead. Awesome shit.

DW announces that Double J will be back next week.

Before the match, DW does another masterful job of hyping Triple X as the best team in company history and how it will take everything to beat them. GOAT.

JB does the big intro on top of that, and its TNA stumbling upon gold without realising they need to do this all the time.

Match#7 Elix Skipper & Christopher Daniels (C) w/Low Ki vs AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championship)
One of these matches that's hard to review because it's fucking great as you expect, and i'm sick of writing 500 words for every match. AJ/D-lo go nuts right away and it's fantastic as always, and XXX are the best in this role. So many cool double teams with the insane athleticism and fire these two have. AJ gets booted in the head and thrown in the rail to turn the tide and the control seg is class. Skipper does the rope walk again and shines like crazy every chance he gets, and AJ again goes out of his way to die on everything. Insane to think it took him until 2018/9 to really stop giving a shit outside of big matches. D-Lo's hot tag is good before he gets cut off. Ki gets involved and takes out AJ, and Daniels wears D-Lo down with the Koji Clutch until he can get the tag. AJ's hot tag is wild as fuck with a ton of crazy moments. It breaks down from there and everyone goes insane. AJ has it won, but Disco attacks him and kicks him in the dick and XXX steal it
***1/4

Disco leads SEX into beating up the entire locker room and a bunch of suits. The Gathering join in to help them, so i guess they're in. Back in the ring, XXX beat the shit out of AJ and Brown, and in the back the NC try to help but they get taken out. Disco calls himself the king of the world as he sucks back on a cigar in one of the lamest endings to a wrestling show in a long time.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

NWA-TNA PPV#45
May 21st 2003
TNA Asylum

A long recap airs of Disco somehow getting pushed as the top heel despite being Disco Inferno.

Coming from that, Tenay narrates over the top of a terrible Star Wars type scroll. TNA officials have decided we will have TWO separate tournaments to restore order and kill off all the faction warfare. That seems like it creates more of a clusterfuck than less of one, but i refuse to try and make sense of it.

In the carpark, Raven is sitting on top of a truck. He says the arena was chanting "Bullshit" when he was robbed of his destiny, as were the fans. He says no one jerks off in Nashville without Jarrett owning part of their fist!! He says all he can hear is his mind is Mike Tenay sounding like shit being sucked through a vacuum announcing Jeff as NW...HE GETS CUTS OFF BY DOUBLE J ATTACKING HIM FROM BEHIND AND PUNCHING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. Jeff's says he got to him before he could find him. Awesome angle.

Tonight: Sandman vs Siaki in a Clockwork House of Fun match with Raven as the referee.

Recap of Sabin stealing the X-Division championship and joining SEX.

Match#1 Jason Cross vs CM Punk vs Kid Romeo vs Paul London (#1 X-Division Contenders Elimination Match)
Jesus, talk about taking the good with the bad and medicorce. Also,In a funny unintentional self-own, Tenay says neither Punk or Romeo has been on a TNA show since July and September respectfully. So, either of them being in this makes no sense. They trade movez for a while and they're fine enough. Punk is still sloppy and not there yet, but he takes a nasty header into the apron to make up for it. Romeo and Cross are nothing, and London can only do so much. The 30 seconds of Punk/London rules, so TNA makes sure to cut it off before it can get really good. Punker goes on a sloppy run and beats up Cross for a while before he's beaten with a shitty neckbreaker and he's the first one out. The other 3 trade more movez and it's whatever. Romeo gets rid of Cross with an Air-Raid Crash. London does his best to carry it, but Romeo is a dull loser and it dies a death. London thankfully wins with the London Star Press.
*3/4

Tenay and DW run down these tournaments

#1 THE ASYLUM ALLIANCE! 7 teams have already been handpicked to be in it, and tonight it will be AJ/D-Lo vs AMW for the last spot. Holy shit yeah. DW then says it's actually a Lethal Lottery tournament where all teams will be picked out of a random drawing. Way to bury the lead, ya dopes.
#2 THE HARD TEN. A Hardcore tournament where you get 10 points to win a match. 1 point for a weapon shot, and 5 points for putting someone through a table.

TNA just had to TNA a cool idea.

In the back, Sonny Siaki tries to take charge of SEX and make them do his bidding, but they ignore him.

In the perch, Raven cuts another promo about Destiny, but it's a ruse for him to attack the Gathering for turning on him last week. He threatens Alexsis with a bottle of bleach and says if they ever turn on him again, he's end them both. Awesome shit.

So, in going with the theme of TNA trying to kill off the faction warfare, TNA are forcing 3 members of opposing factions to team together, but as a result of it, they have baby-faced XXX by making it a handicap match because Ki was injured overseas and is out for a while, and they refused to let them find a replacement. God Bless Vince Russo and his terrible brain that can't understand the simplest forms of logic

Match#2 Christopher Daniels & Elix Skipper vs SLASH, Justin Credible & Amazing Red
Despite all the nonsense above, this is a ton of fun because 4 of the 5 don't miss and TNA let's them run wild in super cool ways. Credible is terrible and looks even worse than normal, which is saying a lot. SLASH takes a nasty chair shot and XXX beat the piss out of him in awesome fashion, showing that even under Russo's nonsense, the talent wins out. Red gets isolated next and it rules so much. Tons of gross bumps and cutoffs and Red's comebacks are wonderful. Credible's hot tag is so bad and sloppy, and just downright embarrassing. Shit breaks down from there and everyone fights. Red fights through it all and hits a springboard STO on Skipper to win
**3/4

RAVEN RUNS IN FROM THE CROWD AND KILLS RED WITH THE EVENFLOW!!! He gets the mic and says Jeff dared to put his hand on TNA' greatest warrior and now this is war. He promises to sacrifice innocent victims until he gets his hands on Jarrett. Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

TNA airs a terrible Jackass skit with Goldy trying to return a broken phone. She acts worse than she sings, and believe me, that's bad.

Coming from that, Goldy is interviewing Sanders. He's in the Hard Ten because Russo doesn't understand what a hardcore wrestler is. Fuck this.

Match#3 Brian Lee vs Mike Sanders (Hard Ten)
Tenay adds that you have to win by two points and the wrestlers aren't allowed to bring any plunda with them to make things fair. This is decent enough. and wouldn't be out of place on Thunder in 2000. Lee gets an early lead with weapon shots to the head, and it's at least fun to watch Sanders die. Our Above Average hero finally fights back and gets a couple of points, but he can't overcome Lee. Brian sets up a table and goes for a dive but Sanders moves and Lee eats shit and Sanders steals the win
**

In the back. Sonny tries to standover Raven and make him call the match for him. He keeps calling him a junkie and Raven stands there and smiles like he's ready to get this dope hooked on smack.

The first match in the tag tournament is New Jack & Shark Boy vs Don Harris and The Truth.

In the back, Jack and Shark play candyland and Jack is using a Sandman toy as his piece. He keeps cheating and screams "I GOT THE WHITE WOMAN" and declares he won. Goldy says he cheated, so Jack screams he doesn't want to team with no damn fish.

Truth cuts a promo about TNA fucking him over and how the Harris brothers are in a BROTHERHOOD, but they can toss his salad when this is over. The Nazis run over and beat the shit out of him before storming off for a klan meeting. New Jack and Sharky run over and beat up Truth and drag him to the ring.

Match#4 SHARKJACK vs Ron "The Truth" Killings & Don Harris (Asylum Alliance)
Truth fights them as best he can and it's great firey babyface work, before he gets cut off by Jack. Our boys kick the shit out of him and it's good fun and i wish they had won the tag title The Nazis run back down and leave everyone laying because they must always look strong. Truth catches Shark Boy with a powerslam to win and then he runs off before the goofs can get to him.
*1/2

In the back, Sandman says he knows Raven is setting him up and Raven demands to know when has he ever screwed him over
"YOU TOOK MY WIFE AND KID"
Raven says that was years ago and he can trust him. Sandman says he's in, but he spits beer in his face and hits him with a cane.

Goddamn it, Goldy is in the back with Kash and Trinity. They're in the tag tournament because this feud will never end. Kash calls her a bitch and says he's going to end her. He drags her off by the hair and i want to die. Watts then wanders into frame and says THE Eric from WCW is coming to TNA despite working for WWE. Watts then says Goldy forgot her shoes under his bed the other night, but he bought them back. The crowd then chants "SLUT" Uh, consensual sex doesn't make someone a slut, you fucking inbred goons.

Match#5 David Young & Traci Brooks vs Kid Kash & Trinity (Asylum Alliance)
Terrible as hell. Full of shitty wrestling and Kash attacking Trinity. The lights go out and the mystery Luchador speaks but his mic is dogshit and we can't hear what he says, but DW says he challenged Kash to a fight next week. DY sneaks behind Kash and kills him with his sweet Spinebuster to win
1/4*

In the back (Fucking stop) D-lo and AJ are standing by. D-lo says this is all bullshit and he knows Jeff has put them in this to keep them away from the title. AJ says don't worry about it and just focus on the tournament

IN THE RING, RAVEN EVENFLOWS JB!!!!!

Match#6 AJ Styles & D-lo Brown vs America's Most Wanted (Asylum Alliance Qualifier)
Dream Match on no build. Just Vince Russo things. AJ/AMW have insane chemistry off the bat, and i can't wait for 2006 when they feud proper. AMW slide into working more heel as they're a real team and they're wonderful at it. Just so many little cool things coming together for a nerd like me. They beat the holy hell out of AJ in a killer control seg, and AJ's bumping is perfect as always. D-Lo's hot tag is very fun before it all breaks down as it tends to. Finishing run is on the verge of being amazing, but XXX run down attack everyone and the ref doesn't call the DQ for some reason... Harris gets a rollup on D-Lo to steal it.
**3/4

So close to being a killer match before the terrible ending. Just TNA things

A video airs on Disco being the top heel.

Match#7 The Sandman vs Sonny Siaki (Clockwork House of fun match. Guest referee Raven)
Raven sits in the corner and watches these two beat the crap out of each other. A true man of the people. Sandman blasts the shit out of Sonny and takes some wicked bumps in-between to make it all work. He's never been called a carry guy before, but this as close as you can get to seeing it. Sonny bleeds like a stuck pig and to his credit,never shies away from taking a shot to the fucking dome. Raven refuses to count any pin falls and finally EVENFLOW'S them both for the no contest
**1/2

SEX and Team Extreme run down and fight at ringside as Raven walks out the door. He shouts for Jeff, BUT AMAZING RED LAUNCHES OUT OF NOWHERE WITH A RANA AND KICKS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM IN REVENGE, FUCK YEAH RED. He beats him back to the ring and keeps getting the best of him and the crowd is losing it!!! The Gathering run down and try to even the odds but Red beats them up. He sets Raven up on a table and hits a gross swanton but the table doesn't break!!! HE HITS AN EVEN MORE STUNNING ONE TO FINALLY SEND HIM THROUGH IT AND THE CROWD CHANTS FOR RED TO END THE SHOW.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

NWA-TNA PPV#46
May 28th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Recap of Raven's reign of terror from last week
In the carpark, top heel Disco Inferno walks up to the Gathering and tells them he's coming for Raven tonight and he'll do it without the Nazis. No fucking idea why we aren't getting Raven/Red, but alas, this is TNA and hope comes here to die.

Match#1 AJ Styles & D-Lo Brown vs CM Punk & Jason Cross
D-Lo/Cross is the true dream match we were robbed of. AJ/Punker is really fucking great in a shocker, and it's the best Punk has looked in TNA. AJ is isolated by the young kids and he dies for them and it's such a fun time as he makes them look like stars.. He MURDERS Cross with a horrific lariat to set up the hot tag, and D-lo has another fun one. They nuke the kids and each hit their Frog-Splash/450 at the same time to win
**3/4

Post-match, D-lo gets on the mic and says he wants the title and AJ needs to not let the boys in the back "dick" him around and keep him from the title. He says Jeff is keeping them away from the gold and he's THE GAME. The fans chant "TRIPLE J" and this is all lame and sad. AJ says they both dream to be champion and if he's gotta go through, Disco, Raven, Jeff or even D-lo, it's all about the dream and this team has to end to make that happen. They shake hands and hug, and the team is dead. Cool angle.

Tonight, Sonny/Sandman vs a mystery team. Credible/Lynn were meant to face AMW, but Storm is not here tonight, so Harris will go it alone of find a partner. Raven will face Disco in the main event.

We get a pretty cool video of Double J defending his belt in Australia and NZ. He's a goof, but you can never deny he was born to be a NWA guy and he did it very well.

Double J finally returns to the Asylum and Tenay announces that Disco will get his title shot next week. Jeff says he hears the boos, and he knows the fans think Raven should be champion after getting ripped off. Well, LIFE SUCKS THEN YOU DIE. Least he's leaning into it despite being an asshole. He says he knows Raven is shooting up in the back, but he wants him out here to face him like a man. Raven makes his way out and the crowd is 100% behind him, and DW acknowledges it because he's the best. Raven calls him a pussy who is a famous coward like DDP. Raven has become the best by being the worst and he is a perfect killing machine. He says Jeff has political power like Shane and Steph, but he will turn this into a nightmare of oblivion, and he wants to fight him in the House of Fun. Jeff says he understood maybe half the crap that came out his mouth just then (yeah, i leave a lot out because Raven is the most famous rambler of them all and a ton of what he says is very hard to spell) and he doesn't care what he thinks. On his best day, he's not beating him. Jeff has given wrestling his entire life and Raven has given it drugs and booze, AND RAVEN SMILES AND THE CROWD LOSES IT AGAIN. Jeff says they can do it again and he'll protect him so the excuses can end. They play Jeff's music as he's speaking, and they quickly go nose to nose before Raven leaves. A guy in a suit comes out and hands Jeff a letter. Jeff says he's been suspended. Weird segment that felt like Raven went too long and they needed to wrap it up quick.

In the back, Disco takes credit for getting Jeff suspended. Wait, how does he have that power? Fucking hell, Russo. Disco then yells at Sonny for getting his ass kicked by Raven last week and promises to end this tonight. He ends by telling the Nazis to bring him Chris Harris.

BG James makes his return wearing a TNA shirt and announces he's in the tag tournament and his partner is Konnan. 3 Live Kru have almost formed and our lives get a little worse

Match#2 The Sandman & Sonny Siaki vs BG James & Konnan (Asylum Alliance)
Thankfully only 2 minutes, and Konnan never tags in. BG does some stuff, and it looks fine, i guess. Sonny keeps trying to tag out, but Sandman refuses and eventually kills him with a cane and walks out and 3LK steal the win
1/2*

In the back, New Jack says he's going to murder SLASH tonight and the only points he's used to are Prison Points, so tonight he's ripping SLASH's heart out. Shark Boy walks on with Chutes and Ladders and Jack is won over and agrees to play. Awwwwwww.

Match#3 New Jack vs SLASH (Hard Ten)
Sanders joins commentary for this and he's much better at talking than rasslin, so maybe just do that. This is better than last week because we've got two insane people belting the crap out of each other and causing some sweet CTE. Loads of gross shots and SLASH really holds his own against an OG. He gets ahead on points and come close to ending multiple times, but Jack stays alive and really fucks him up. Jack suplexes him through a table to get the win
**3/4

Tenay sits down with Daniels and Skipper before the show to talk about winning the titles again. Daniels says it was a forgone conclusion they would win them again because they are the best team in the world. Skipper lists his resume with his goofy Mike Tyson like voice, and says he can and will beat anyone. Tenay attempts to tell them they're better than SEX and they should quit, but Daniels loses it and shits on tradition being a lie and SEX has taken them to the top of the pack

In the carpark, the Nazis are drinking and planning a Klan meeting, but Truth and Konnan run on and beat the fuck out of them with planks of wood.

Goldy interviews the returning S.A.T. They cut a horrible promo about how much they love Red.

Match#4 Triple X vs S.A.T
Really fun showcase for our heroes. S.A.T mostly suck and and aren't good aside from a dozen matches, but Triple X rule and drag them into something worthwhile. Skipper is a lunatic and all his big stuff looks fantastic and dangerous as hell. He hits the rope walk rana for the win
**3/4

Raven walks down to the ring and murders Red's dipshit cousins with EVENFLOW'S

In SEX's lockeroom. Desire walks in and gets into a fight with Traci. They have a terrible cat fight that spills into the ring and keeps being bad. DY thankfully runs down and nukes Traci with his spinebuster.

In the back, Goldy and Watts get into a fight about Watts exposing the sex and whatnot.

Recap of the mystery Luchador wreaking Kash's shitty life over the last month or so.

There's a horrible segment where Simply Luscious debuts wearing a naughty nurse outfit and she tries to hit on Kash, so he attempts to beat her up but she kicks him in his shitty little dick. I hate Russo with all i got, folks.

BAW GAWD THE LUCHADOR IS TRINITY.

Match#5 Kid Kash vs Trinity
I think this is finally the end of this horrible angle, least i hope it is. This is a sloppy botchy mess and it really sums up the entire thing. Trinity legit botches everything she tries, and hey, there's a reason she was almost always used as a valet. The worst botch is a moonsault where she nearly spikes herself and Kash has to catch her and place her on the mat and everyone looks like shit. Kash gets the win with the Moneymaker
Vince Russo as a concept

Post match, Kash says this isn't over and he's going to kill her. EIRTGHJEVRTNOGKVERNTDFMXG,FV DTRHMNKTMDLFGMFB TNFKCTLGFHB,M TFG, Cunt.

In the back, Jeff tells an NWA rep he refuses to leave.

In the back, the Nazis bring Chris Harris into the locker room. Disco says Storm's "personal issues" are bullshit and Harris agrees. Disco offers Sabin to be his partner, and Harris says he won't stand for being screwed over. I guess that's a yes?

Match#6 Chris Harris & Chris Sabin vs Justin Credible & Jerry Lynn (Asylum Alliance Round 1)
Harris/Sabin work well together and Lynn tries hard against the kids, which is very kind of him. Credible is so fucking bad, and i can't wait for this ECW shit to end so he go away for a decade plus. Sabin rules a little cheating shit and i wish TNA had leaned into this more, but i also wouldn't give up MCMG for the world. So, I'll enjoy what i get. Lynn is isolated and the heels have a great control seg on him for a while, and Sabin really stands out with his awesome offence. Credible's hot tag is horrid, sloppy and downright cruel to the human eye. He demands Lynn let him win, and he tries for That's (not really) Incredible, but Sabin snatches him in a prawn hold and steals the win
**1/2

Post match, Lynn and Credible get into a fight and start a feud i forgot was a thing. Lynn growls on the mic and threatens death, or something metal.

In the back, a very high Erik Watts tries to hype the main event, but Raven cuts him off and says he should use his eyes for sockets but he's not worth it. Wish he felt the same in a year or so.

Match#7 Raven vs Disco Inferno
Maybe the most WCW 99 match Russo could run, as it's both a criminal waste of Raven, and it has Disco main eventing despite being a fucking nothing outside of his gimmick. It at least baby-faces Raven more, but man i wish it happened another way. They have the Asylum Brawl and Raven drags this dweeb into a fun fight, as Disco again tries very hard in this environment like he did against AJ. Once it's back in the ring, however, Disco's dreadful offence can't be hidden at all, so Raven works harder to cover for him and does a good job of it. Raven knocks some sweet CTE into him with a chair, and it's awesome watching him lose years off his life. The bullshit hits as the Nazis and the Gathering get involved and a brawl breaks out around ringside. Disco sneaks in a chair shot to the ankle to take over and Raven's selling is awesome as hell. Born babyface in the wrong era really sums him up in my mind. His comeback is SO good! He hobbles on one leg as he beats the shit out of Disco and the crowd loses it. Raven nails the EVENFLOW but Siaki pulls the ref out. In a funny moment, Disco hits the Chart Buster and Raven kicks out, showing he's smarter at protecting his finish. The ref gets knocked down and now Sandman runs out and kills Raven with the cane, and Jeff Jarrett runs down and fights him off showing he meant his promise to keep Raven safe. Raven hits another EVENFLOW, BUT FUCKING RUSSO SHOWS UP AND HITS RAVEN WITH A BASEBALL BAT AND DISCO GETS THE WIN. Fucking die
**

Russo walks through the crowd and flips them off in complete silence, and it's such a heartwarming moment.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

I guess WWE took all the good Natural Born Thrillers, so he was the last option.

this is Reno erasure

 

[BigVanDonnie]

this is Reno erasure

Shocked Russo didn't bring him for the dream match with Sanders

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

NWA-TNA PPV#47
June 4th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Another show opens with a recap of top heel Disco Inferno. It's a good thing that maybe 300 people are buying these PPV's, otherwise I'd be more upset at people throwing their money away to watch this turd.

Oh no, in the carpark Jarrett is met by Red Shirt head of security, Kevin Northcutt. He says Jeff has stepped over the line and he'll be dealt with if he tries it again. Jeff says he runs the deck because he's champion and the TNA powerbrokers can leave their ivory tower and tell him otherwise

In the back, Disco leads SEX through a pray. I'd make a joke about the KKK running bible study, but this is all too terrible to try and make jokes out of.

Match#1 CM Pun, /Frankie Kazarian & Matt Stryker vs. Kid Romeo, Johnny Swinger & Damien Dothar
Romeo has the Mamalukes theme and it's very upsetting because i wish Vito was here. Also, this is monobrow Matt Stryker, not dog shit commentator Matt Striker. Also, also, insane to think Swinger is still in TNA to this day (4/5/22) and he's a highlight every week. Life is weird. Kaz is also making his debut, but he blows a ton, so who gives a shit? Punk's the best dude in this by miles, but he can't do much to make this any good. Kaz gets the win the Wave of the Future after a lot of dull minutes
*3/4

Tonight. AJ vs D-Lo in a #1 contender’s match.

In the back, Raven calls bullshit on not being the contenders match and he blames Double J for it. He compares him to David Hasselhoff, as both have no talent or charisma to speak of, but they've both been on two hit tv shows, and they think they were hits because of them. But TNA is a hit because of him, and he will achieve DESTINY. If Russo comes near him again, he's ripping his eyes out and using his head as a flowerpot.

In the back, James Storm shows up and shakes Harris' hand. He says he knows he's got to choose between him and Sabin and he'll respect whatever he decides, but they've been through too much to throw it all away. Harris stands up and says sometimes good things come to an end.

Pre match, Sonny cuts a horrible promo about how Sandman doesn't deserve a shot in this because he's a drunk. Sandman shows up and tries to fight him, but Red Shirts stand in his way and make him leave through the crowd.

Match#2 Sonny Siaki vs Vampire Warrior (Hard 10)
Oh, fucking gross. Gangrel was never very good in 98/99, and he's not going to be good in TNA against fucking Sonny. Lot of shitty plunder shots to the head and it's all very bad and lame, and i just want to punt Russo in the dick. Sonny wins.
WCW 2000

Post-match, Sadman rushes the ring and brains Sonny with the cane.

Earlier today, Tenay sat down with Raven. They put over his feuds with Sandman/Dreamer as the peak of the company and among the best feuds ever. He says WCW paid him hundreds of thousands to sit in the front and drink with his buddies. Good work if you can get it. He says he quit WCW because Eric called him out on being unhappy and talking shit about WCW, so he left because he didn't need it. He was in shit on WWE, but the past is the past and leave it there. He again calls bullshit on not being the #1 contenders match, and calls Jeff a hack. He says Russo is a pussy who washed out as a wrestler in a week, and he doesn't care about him, but he knows he's going to send people after him. Well, bring it on. He goes on another rant about the cosmos and birth of the world that all leads to DESTINY etc.

In the back, Goldy is with one of the Nazis. He says he will not tag with "THEIR KIND" AND SKIPPER CONFRONTS HIM AND THE OTHER NAZI TRIES TO PRETEND THEY AREN'T NAZIS BY SAYING THEY'RE MAD AT TRUTH FOR USING THE RACE CARD. Jesus fucking hell. They shake hands and walk off to wash them.

Match#4 David Young & Traci w/Desiree vs Ron "The Truth" Killings (Asylum Alliance-Round 2)
Donnie dream match right here, folks. They mesh really well in a classic high flyer/speedy dude vs angry powerhouse. David Young is also in this, hey yo!!! Traci keeps helping Truth and DY spits on her and yells at her. Classic shithead heel stuff. Traci gets knocked down and Simply Luscious returns dressed as a slutty nurse for some fucking reason to check on her. Uh... Traci and Desiree get into a fight and the ref calls for a DQ
LOLTNA

In the back, Jeff says Disco winning the NWA title will be the worst thing to ever happen to the NWA and it'll be a slap to the face, and he won't let it happen.

Watts walks on and confronts Goldy, and they get into another fight. Pretty sure Watts has booking power or a stake in TNA. Nothing else makes sense.

Triple X hype video!!!!

Harris, Sabin and Storm all come out to the ring so Harris can announce who he's going to team with in the 2nd round. Harris says all their problems have been aired in front of the world and he wants this to end where it all started. He says everyone thought it was a joke when they started teaming, but they put tag wrestling back in this business!!! He says you need trust for a team to work and all good things come to an end, THE ONLY PROBLEM IS AMERICA'S MOST WANTED HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN. THEY SHAKE HANDS AND HUG, AND AMW ARE FINALLY BACK ON THE SAME PAGE. Sabin tries to attack Harris, but Storm makes the save and they kill him with a Hart Attack.

Match#5 America's Most Wanted vs BG James & Konnan (Asylum Alliance-Round 2)
AMW are tasked with a massive carry job for the first time in months and they do a damn fine job. Tons of cool offence and bumping when needed to make these hacks looks decent, and you can't ask for more than that. Some bullshit hits and The Nazis gets involved and kill Konnan and Harris steals the win. Goddamn it, why are you protecting fucking Konnan
*3/4

Recap of the terrible Kash/Trinity feud.

Kash drags Trinity out to the ring and she opens the ropes for him. Goddamn it, Russo. Kash cuts a dreadful misogynistic promo for a while and the crowd dies a death. Just the lowest of promos a heel can cut, and the type of shit you know Russo booked himself. Goldy stands up to him for all his shit, and he calls her a lesbian and slaps her. Watts shows up and beats the fuck out of him and hits an admittedly awesome powerbomb. They fight on the floor and Kash throws a chair at his face to knock him out. Kash goes after the girls again but Watts gets back and nukes him with a chokeslalm and powerbomb and leaves with the girls. Horrible, horrible segment that now starts a terrible feud that at least gives us someone awesome.

In the back, Disco cuts a promo about being seen as a joke for 11 years because of the gimmick, but tonight he can prove everyone wrong and win the NWA title.

In the back, AJ and D-Lo are interviewed by Goldy. ZIP IT!!!! They both promise to steal the show. Well, it's AJ in TNA in one of the most dire periods of their early run, shouldn't be a problem, or even a doubt to be honest.

Match#6 AJ Styles vs D-Lo Brown (#1 Contender's Match)
Wonderful face vs face sub 10 minute match. AJ is a goddamn lunatic as we all know, and D-Lo is working like it's 98 and he wants to reach the promise land. Lots of awesome counters by both and it means they have to break out some really wild shit. AJ hits the Stylin DDT off the top rope instead of springboarding it as D-Lo would see it coming. Just really smart wrestling mixed with the coolest shit. D-L0 breaks out a picture perfect springboard moonsualt and DW fucking loses it, and rightly so. HE TOPS IT WITH A FROG SPLASH TO THE FLOOR. HOLY FUCK. Raven and the Gathering show up to watch. AJ nails the Pele back inside to stay alive, but he's fucked up from the splash and can't get anything going for long. D-Lo hits Sky High and AJ is for sure dead, but Raven pulls the ref out and kills D-Lo with a chair shot!!! AJ hits the springboard 450 but D-Lo kicks out. He gets D-Lo up for the clash, AND HE SEES THE CHAIR SITTING THERE AND WHILE THE REF IS GETTING RID OF THE GATHERING, AJ SLIDES IT OVER AND KILLS D-LO WITH THE CLASH ON TOP OF IT TO STEAL THE WIN
***1/2

Post match, Raven murders AJ with a gross chair shot to the skull.

Incredible shit as it restarts the Raven/AJ feud after going away for a couple of months. Get's D-lo over as being fucked over again and builds his chase to finally getting a fair shake at it, and it builds the story of AJ trying to do the right thing but always taking the easy way out, because fuck killing yourself if you can can get what you want in an easier way. Insane to think TNA booked something so complex and layered, but here we are.

NEXT WEEK. THE NWA CHAMPION VS AJ STYLES VS RAVEN IN A THREE WAY DANCE. HELL FUCKING YEAH, TNA.

Post match, JB does the big intro like this isn't a disgrace of a title match. But hey, Disco is a star, bro.

Match#7 Jeff Jarrett (C) vs Disco Inferno (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
TNA's top heel finally gets his title shot, and our long nightmare can finally end. They lock up to start, and i had to pause it because i was laughing way too hard as them taking this dead serious. They have a crappy brawl around ringside and Sanders nails Jeff with a superkick to let this goof take over. Disco sucks so much shit in control with his bad stomps and punches, especially against a dude who worked in fucking Memphis. It dies a death as it always was going to, and it's a dreadful thing. TNA tries to make it dramatic and big by having SEX watch throughout the crowd, along with having AMW stand on the ramp and 3LK in the crowd Like, it makes sense given everything, but imagine if this was Raven or AJ, or anyone with a ounce of talent and not Disco fucking Inferno. Jeff's comeback is fun enough on his end, but Disco is a terrible bumper on top of everything else, so whatever. Finishing run is also very bad and i think Jeff sandbags on some of it, or he's just not really bothering. Either way, NOT GOOD. The ref gets bumped and Russo shows up, AND HE HITS DISCO IN THE NECK WITH THE BAT AND JEFF NAILS THE STROKE TO FINALLY BEAT THE TOP HEEL OF TNA.
LOLTNA

Jesus Christ, what a dreadful match and angle. But hey, Disco's horrible top heel run is finally fucking dead and he'll slide back down the mid card where he belongs.

 

[Leon TrotSky]

Gotta hate how the Harris boys didn't even pretend not to be Nazis in TNA

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JEFF JARRETT. Since-20/11/02
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

NWA-TNA PPV#48
June 11th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Amazing hype video for the main event kicks us off. It goes all the way back to 2002 when AJ first declared his intention to win the title, Raven's debut and his journey to Destiny, and Jeff making the NWA title his life's work. Just incredibly well done stuff.

In the carpark, Raven is standing by wiit the Gathering. Tonight he reaches Density and when he closes his fist at the end of the night, he'll be NWA champion. He tells Julio to end D-Lo tonight to stop him from getting to him because of last week, AND D-LO RUSHES ON AND PUNCHES THE CRAP OUT OF RAVEN AND BEATS JULIO BACK TO THE RING AND IT'S ON

Match#1 D-Lo Brown vs Julio Dinero w/Alexis Laree
D-Lo is a house of fire and has a wonderful squash of a Raven minion. Julio takes a good beating throughout, as does Alexis. DW says Julio was the last man to pin Double J, so D-Lo needs to be careful. My man putting jobbers over as a threats. God Bless, Don West. Julio takes over for a bit and he throws everything he's got in his big chance, and he does a fine job of it. The highlight is a no hands plancha and a sweet top rope leg-drop, both of which for a dude his size, are very impressive. D-Lo fights back and gets the win with his awesome powerbomb
**3/4

TONIGHT; ASYLUM ALLIANCE FINALS; AMW VS DY/TRACI. SANDMAN VS A MYSTERY MAN. KID KASH VS WATTS/GOLDY/TRINITY. SABIN DEFENDS THE X-DIVISION TITLE AGAINST A CHALLENGER OF HIS CHOOSING, AND THE THREE WAY DANCE.

Perfect look at the very best and worst TNA has to offer.

Recap of Russo's reign of terror (on screen) since his debut.

In the ring, Tenay says he's going to interview "the man who took the NWA Worlds Champion, Jeff Jarrett to the limit. Disco Inferno" and i want to fucking die. Even Tenay looks like he hates life being forced to put this cumrag over, and that makes me smile. Tenay demands to know why Russo turned on him, and Disco says he doesn't know either Awesome, fuck you both for wasting my time. Disco shits on Russo's terrible ideas (but makes sure to leave out his ideas when he was on the booking committee for WCW in 2000, that even Russo refused to do. THINK about that for a second). He says Russo was jealous because he lead SEX to the top when he was gone. He keeps talking and the fans chant "BORING" and just rightly shit all over this terrible terrible story. Russo runs down and beats his ass with a baseball bat and screams "FUCK YOU" The Nazis run down and pull him off and XXX get Disco out of there. Holy shit, that was dire.

In the back, Scott Hudson makes his debut and is with Chris Sabin. Hudson says he hasn't defended it in a month and he was meant to face London, but he's not here and he needs a challenger. Sabin goes into a big speech about facing the very best...SHARK BOY. Shell Yeah. Sabin hums the Jaws theme before leaving. A man after my own heart.

In the back, New Jack and Sharky are playing Twister. Jack yells at him for having a smelly ass and screams that he needs to wash it. DEAD.

Match#2 Chris Sabin (C) vs Shark Boy (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Awesome showcase for Sabin. He's slowly coming into his own as working heel and Sharky is a perfect guy for him to style on. He nukes him over over and the best one is a nasty German on the floor. Future Shock does the deal
**3/4

Post match, Sabin says he's going to unmask Shark Boy. New Jack runs down for the save for his new gangsta, and it rules so much. Sadly, Mike Sanders gets involved and they leave Jack laying.

In the back, Hudson is with K-Dawg and Truth. Truth promises to beat the dog shit out of some Nazis.

Match#3 Ron "The Truth" Killings & Konnan vs The Harris Brothers
Good lord, what a fucking nightmare. Truth works for 3 as best he can against these terrible humans and wrestlers, but you can't save a terminal diagnosis. Watching Konnan sandbag for Nazis is pretty awesome, i will admit. This keeps going and going and it's so terrible. BG finally shows up and kills one of them with a chair and Truth wins.
1/2*

3 Live Kru are here. Cool?

Earlier today, Tenay sat down with Double J. Tenay says he's been champ for 7 months and this is the hardest match he's been in. Jeff agrees, and says AJ has SO much potential he doesn't even know how good he truly is, and Raven is better than he thinks he is. Tremendous job putting them both over. Tenay asks if Jeff thinks this is TNA trying to get the belt off him after all the crap he pulled, Jeff says he's damn right this is all part of a bigger plan to get rid of him, but he'll get through it. Tenay says Russo helped him last week and he wants to know if they're back together. Jeff denies having anything to do with him, and too much has happened for them to ever be friends again.

In the back, Watts and the girls cut some terrible promos, BUT NEVERMIND THAT SHIT, ABYSS DEBUTS AND KILLS WATTS. FUCK YEAH, ABYSS. Kash walks on and does "X fell down and can't get back up" joke and introduces himself to Hudson, and reminds the ladies they have a match. Ok, that fucking ruled.

Match#4 Kid Kash vs Trinity & Goldilocks
Kash beats the shit out of Trinity again and it's whatever. I don't really care for Kash, but he deserves better than this, as do the ladies. Not you, Watts. You deserve nothing but the worst, you fucking fuck. Goldy obviously can't wrestle, so the entire thing is even worse than you'd imagine. Trinity hits a super rana off the top and maybe has it won, but Abyss runs back down and nukes her with the Black Hole Slam!!! Kash pins her with one foot to win.
3/4*

In the back, Hudson introduces CROWBAR as Sandman's mystery challenger. Hell yeah, love that dude. He cuts an insane promo about % of blood vs beer and how he'll win because Sandman will pass out during the match.

In the back (Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck) An NWA rep and red shirt security kick D-Lo out of the building to stop him from getting involved tonight.

Match#5 The Sandman vs Crowbar (Hard Ten)
He's going by his real name, but Crowbar is an all time wrestling name, so that's what I'm calling him. This is the best Hard Ten thus far because both dudes are maniacs and know how to get the best out of very stupid gimmicks. Lots of cool shit and both guys countering in cool ways to avoid getting hit with something. Crowbar takes some nasty cane shots to the chest and neck, and it's one of those moments you can't help but love someone for going that far. They break out a ladder which hasn't been used in any of these matches yet, and we get the classic Sandman bumps on it. Siaki comes out and helps set up plunda for Crowbar to use because he doesn't want to fight Sandman in the next round. Sandman fights through and kills them both. He nails the Rollin' Rock off a ladder to send Crowbar through a table to win
***

Post match, Sonny attacks Sandman from behind and drinks a beer over his dead body.

They bring back the super incredible interrogation segment with Credible and Lynn. They get into another fight much to the pleasure of, uh, that one guy who likes both of them.

We get footage of all the main eventers getting themselves ready for the big dance.

Triple X come out to watch the finals of this terrible tournament.

Match#6 America's Most Wanted vs David Young & Traci (Asylum Alliance Finals)
Really cool that the heel is one at a disadvantage in the finals, just what we all want to see. AMW beat the shit out of him for a while and yeah it rules, but it's terrible booking. Traci can't wrestle, so of course Russo books her to do stuff and hey, she sucks at it. They bring back the tension between AMW by having Harris choose to jump on Triple X instead of hitting the DS, and it means nothing because 30 seconds later Harris beats DY with a spear. Worst AMW match by a mile
1/2*

Post match, Storm challenges them to do it next week for the titles, and Daniels accepts!!!!

The sound on the file fucks up right when they're interview AJ... The little i make out is he knows everyone thinks he's an X-Division guy and he can't do it, but he's ready to prove them all wrong.

NEXT WEEK, STING IS HERE. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MAN.

Pre match, JB does the big intro and it again feels like the biggest thing in the world.

Match#7 Jeff Jarrett (C) vs Raven vs AJ Styles (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
Jeff and Raven immediately try to get rid of AJ and deal with their issues, but just like the story has been since January, AJ is here and he isn't fucking backing down from anyone. All 3 pairings rule as we know, but AJ/Raven again stands out just because they meshed so well from the start of their feud. Tons of cool shit happens and AJ was born to be the king of 3 way dances as he just knows how to be in the right place at the right time, and knows how to lay everything out so it's both cool as hell and furthers the story. He brains Raven with a gross chair shot in revenge from last week (and maybe leading to something else!!!!) and Raven bleeds buckets and has another incredible baby face performance as AJ and Jeff team up to beat the piss out of him. It breaks down of course, and AJ hits one of the most stunning top rope leg drops ever to the back of Jeff's skull. He legit floated in air for a moment, and it's just another reason to love him. Raven has a wonderful comeback with so much babyface fire and the crowd is again 100% behind him. He nails Jeff with the EVENFLOW, BUT FUCKING SHANE DOUGLAS DEBUTS AND DRAGS HIM OUT. Goddamn it, please don't. Shane beats the fuck out of him through the crowd and throws him headfirst through a table and Raven is dead. AJ/Jeff rules again and AJ goes full heel (or face if you rightly hate Jeff) and uses the title belt on Jeff!!! He kicks out and they have a short, but really fun finishing run with a ton of cool moves and kickouts. The ref is knocked down and that pesky little shithead Russo shows up with a guitar, AND HE SMASHES IT OVER JEFF'S STUPID HEAD AND THE CROWD FUCKING LOVES IT. AJ HITS THE STYLES CLASH AND WINS THE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP. FUCK YEAH, AJ STYLES.
***1/2

DW screams that this must have been Russo's masterplan for months and months and that he knew AJ was the only man who could get it done against Jeff, and at some point AJ must have realised the same thing and joined him. He furthers his GOAT status by bringing up the first AJ/Jeff match when AJ refused help from SEX and it cost him the title, so this time AJ wasn't going to leave a single thing to chance and he did what he needed to do to finally win the title. God Fucking Bless Don West.

Jeff wakes up, sadly, and gets on the mic. He says he has a rematch clause and he wants it next week at the anniversary show!. AJ is rightly mad, and says he's the champ now and has 30 days to give him a rematch, so he'll check his schedule and get back to him. Jeff says he was a fighting champion and AJ is a disgrace, so next week they can meet in a dream partner tag match. AJ can bring his batman and any partner he wants, and he'll bring a man who REALLY knows how to use a bat, A MAN CALLED STING. AJ accepts and it's on.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: AJ STYLES. Since-11/6/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

Best champion list thus far.

NWA-TNA PPV#49
THE ANNIVERSARY SHOW
June 18th, 2003
TNA Asylum

An incredible recap video of the last year set to an instrumental version of Toxicity kicks us off, and it's tremendous stuff. This is something TNA has always done really well, and i personally think they're underrated in this.

A limo arrives and Tenay freaks out thinking it's Sting, but sadly it's Shane Douglas. He does his stupid fucking laugh and says "it's time to make some noise". Such a lame asshole,

TONIGHT; THE DREAM PARTNERS MATCH, AND BOTH TAG AND X-DIVISION TITLES ARE ON THE LINE

Match#1 Sonny Siaki, David Young & Don Harris vs Frankie Kazarian, D-Lo Brown & The Sandman
Lmao, what a way to kick off the biggest show of TNA's young life. Like, you can't kick off with XXX/AMW and blow everyone away, or have Sabin in there, no you go with these droogs. There's some good stuff from DY, Sandman and D-Lo, but everyone else is either terrible or super young, so, it's a hard hill to climb. D-Lo at least gets the win with the Low-Down.
3/4*

Post match, SEX attack the faces and beat the shit out of them. BAW GAWD, THE MAN CALLED JEFF AND STING MAKE THE SAVE AND MURDER EVERYONE WITH BATS AND GUITARS. Jeff using Sting to make himself seem over is a top tier political move. Hogan and H would be damn proud.

TNA airs "highlights" of the last year, and the first one they pick is everyone shooting. I love and hate TNA so much.

Russo makes his way out to the ring looking like a sleazy porn director that works for Rob Black (google is your friend, but be careful), and we get an amazing shot of smug Tenay

.
The crowd chants "RUSSO" over and over at him, so he shits on them to get them back to where they need to be. He goes into a rant about North vs South, and it's as lame as you think. He says they turned on Jeff after he bled for them for 7 months (or because he fucked his face run by not losing to AJ) and they deserve what happens next. He puts AJ over the best star at his age to ever do it, and he's already better than Bret, HBK and Sting. Well, 2 out of 3 is very true, and Bret is super close. AJ makes his way out and gets the mic. ZIP IT FOR A SECOND. He says Russo was the missing piece to the puzzle and everything he said was right, and now he's the NWA champion. He rants about being better than the fans for a while, and i hate it all. Tenay gets in the ring and yells at him that he's been brainwashed, and AJ was doing things the right way and now it means nothing. Russo says there is no right way and it's all about screwing everyone over to get to the top, and right on cue D-Lo makes his way out. He shoots about Russo creating who he was in 98 and giving him a shot, and D-Lo gave him his career and he doesn't know him anymore. He yells at AJ for taking a shortcut to get the to the top, and AJ says he did what he told him to do by getting the title. It turns back into a terrible shoot about who made D-Lo, and fuck me i want to die. D-Lo punches him, and AJ jumps on him and beats the crap out of him. RAVEN RUNS DOWN FOR THE SAVE AND THROWS RUNNING KNEE LIFTS LIKE AN 80'S BABYFACE AND IT'S AMAZING. Sadly, Shane Douglas jumps him from behind and hits the Belly to Belly and the heels stand tall. Horrible segment aside from the last 90 seconds.

In the back, Goldy is with Traci and Veronica (Simply Luscious). Traci says she's no longer allowed to compete against men and they might sue for sexual discrimination. Fuuuuuuuck. Watts walks on and demands that Goldy stay away from Kash, but she says she's interviewing him later tonight and he can deal with it.

In the carpark, Julio and Alexis are terrified that Raven is going to kill them for fucking it up, and Alexsis says they can't run and they need to do something. CM Punk walks on and asks if they spoke to Raven about him joining the Gathering!!! Julio says they're might not even be a Gathering, and Punk says there will always be one, QUOTH CM PUNK, NEVERMORE.

Highlights of AJ winning the X-Division title.

Match#2 Chris Sabin (c) vs Paul London (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Fuck yeah! Super fun spot fest from one of the most famous insane high flyers to ever do it, and one of the most solid dudes ever. They get into a game of top this with some lunatic dives, and London breaks out the amazing running Shooting Star off the apron. Sabin goes for the ribs to ground him and he really beats the fuck out of him in awesome fashion, and London has to break out some crazy counters to stay alive. Punk comes out and sits in the corner like Raven, and the ref never bothers to make him leave. London hits the SSP and has it won, but Punk kills him with an Evenflow of his own, and Sabin nails the future shock to steal it
**1/2

Why the fuck is CM Punk helping a SEX member retain his title to impress Raven of all people. More to the point, why ruin a great match with this confusing bullshit? Fucking Russo.

In the back, Goldy is with New Jack. Jack says he doesn't give a shit about Sanders and he's inflected more pain than any wrestler ever, and Sanders is getting a lesson like never before. He's ripping his fucking heart out. Shark Boy walks on and Jack says it's no the time, and he's beaten him in Twister and the game with the white woman, AND SHARK BOY HAS HULK HANDS WITH HIM. Jack says he'll whoop Sanders ass and, he's coming back to play with Sharky. AMAZING.

Kash walks over to a chain link fence and says "Hey, big scary dude. I didn't catch your name last week, but i wanted to thank you for watching my back last week. Did you get the note i left under your cage door? DID YOU GET THE COOKIES I LEFT?. Well, hey, i need your help just one more time tonight. Are we on the same page? Are we in the same book" AND A CHAIR COMES FLYING INTO THE FENCE, AND KASH SAYS HE TAKES THAT AS A YES. Holy shit, that was incredible. Turns out Kash can be awesome when he's not involved in Russo's hatred of women. Wild.

Highlights of Russo booking women as sex objects and whatnot.

Match#3 New Jack vs Mike Sanders (Hard Ten Quarterfinals)
The feel good murder of a super dull Russo project. He's like a modern day Kip Sabin, just a complete nothing that has somehow lucked into getting a job in a major promotion. Jack walks through all his bullshit and beats the holy hell out him, and it rules so much. Sharky comes out to watch (still wearing the Hulk hands) and it's the best. Jack breaks a 2x4 over Sanders balls in a classic spot, and all we need is NBK playing and we're home again. Sharky gives Jack one of the hands and the fans chant "USE IT" AND JACK PUTS IT ON AND DOES HOGAN POSES, AND PUNCHES SANDERS OFF THE APRON AND HE GOES THROUGH A TABLE AND JACK WINS. THE BEST
**3/4

A video airs about Trinity being a stunt double for Hollywood. Wouldn't know it because she sucks so bad in the ring, but good for her.

Highlight video about all the debuts airs.

Recap of the terrible Lynn/Credible feud. Only a month to go and Credible is gone for anywhere that makes tape other than ROH, so fuck yeah.

Match#4 Justin Credible vs Jerry Lynn
Thankfully, only 2 minutes long, so they don't do anything stupid or horrible. Credible steals the win by using the ropes during the roll-up battle, which is very funny to see Lynn's bullshit finally backfire on him
1/2*

They get into a another fight at ringside and Lynn has a super cool no hands dive over the rail!!! They get pulled apart and this will continue, sadly.

In a pre-tape, 3 Live Kru do a mock of Tenay's sit-down interviews. It's not funny at all, but it is nice to see Tenay being mocked. Smug little cumrag.

Highlights of MIDGET JERKING OFF IN A TRASH CAN.

Match#5 Kenzo Suzuki vs Perry Saturn
Kenzo is famously terrible (everyone please watch him vs Billy Gunn at GAB 04), but Saturn beats the crap out of him and forces him to throw some hard shots back at points, but he botches a ton, and is out of position whenever Saturn goes for anything off the top. Just a dreadful piece of shit. Credible runs out and brains Saturn with a cane for a DQ. What the fuck, Russo?
Great American Bash 2004

Lynn runs down and fights him off, and Saturn looks legit pissed off that this bullshit

In the back, AJ says he doesn't care who Russo picks as his partner tonight, because Vince has his back and he believes in him. Ahh AJ, you dumb bastard.

Highlights of Toby Keith and the infamous NASCAR Fucks.

In the ring, JB is doing the intro for the tag title match, and we cut to the back where AMW and Triple X are fighting. XXX get the best of it and beat the shit out of them with trash cans and throw Storm through a door.

XXX make their way out, and Low Ki makes his return with the titles and his arm in a sling. Daniels says SEX is the new tradition and they are the lifeblood of this company, and they will spread the gospel around the world. AMW stumble back to the ring and shit is on.

Match#6 Triple X w/Low Ki vs America's Most Wanted (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Wonderful fight to kick us off, and my god it's so nice to see this feud again. Especially after the last horrible 30 minutes. Storm gets isolated and it's the awesome stuff we've come to know and love over the last 6 months.Just a killer beating and face in peril work on top of it. Harris' hot tag is fucking tremendous, and he breaks out a wonderful flying closeline to really add to it. Things break down as they tend to and everyone goes crazy trying to end it. AMW hit a fucking Doomsday STO, and i don't think I've ever seen that. AMW murder Daniels with the Death Sentence, but Ki drags the ref out and Skipper brains Storm with the title belt to steal the win.
***

DW and Tenay rant about the numbers game fucking AMW over, and they ponder that something needs to be done to stop this.

In a pre-tape, Tenay sits down with Jerry Jarrett. He puts TNA over for making it this far and being a great company to carry the NWA banner. All the old timer stuff you've heard a million times. Not shitting on old school, but nothing new is said.

In the ring, Erik Watts calls out Kid Kash for the interview that Goldy was meant to do. Watts makes short jokes and asks why he beats women, and Kash says he's famous for beating women. Nah, fuck everything. They fight and it's terrible as hell. A video comes on the screen of Abyss taking Goldy hostage. Watts runs down to save her, but Kash attacks from behind and knocks him out. Well, that was dreadful.

At ringside, DW is hyping next week as he does just before the main event, and Chris Harris rushes on and grabs the mic. He says the numbers game is bullshit and next week they want their rematch in a STEEL CAGE. DW SCREAMS IT'S THE FIRST CAGE MATCH IN TNA HISTORY AND HE CAN'T WAT. Awesome shit.

AJ's mystery partner is Syxx Pac. Guess he worked out his issues with Russo, or he needs the money. He's wearing tracksuit pants instead of his gear, so i guess this was really spur of the moment.

Match#7 AJ Styles & Syxx Pac w/Vince Russo vs Jeff Jarrett & Sting
AJ/Sting is wonderful pairing right off the bat as it's his most natural successor, so it makes all the sense they gel perfectly. DW does it again, when he says if ANYONE can figure Sting out and beat him it's AJ Styles, because AJ is the champ for a reason. He survives Sting kicking his ass, and break out the amazing springboard to Jeff to take over and beats the fuck out of him. Really shows that AJ will eventually find a way to take over, and these old men aren't ready for what he brings to the table. The control seg is awesome as always, and Jeff takes a great beating. Sting's hot tag is the best and he looks better than he has since early 98. Syxx breaks a bat over his head and AJ beats him up for a while, and i can't wait until they get a long singles match. Shit breaks down and the ref gets bumped. Russo uses the bat, and Raven shows back up and kicks his ass!! Sadly, Douglas shows up and fights him off. Back in the ring, it comes down to AJ and Jeff. AJ kicks out of a stroke, but he falls to the super one. Goddamn it.
**3/4

Great fucking work protecting him, you morons. This is why you bought Syxx Pac back, to avoid stupid shit like this. God, this company never makes it easy. Also, did you notice i didn't even really mention Pac in the review? Yeah, because he didn't do anything, nor did he look very good, so what the fuck are we protecting him for? LOLTNA

Anyway, back in the ring, the faces fight the heels off and Raven and Jeff come face to face! Sting gets them apart and raises their hands to close the show.

Terrible big show for TNA. Classic stuff I'll write another hundred times before all is said and done.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: AJ STYLES. Since-11/6/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: TRIPLE X. Since 7/5/03

NWA-TNA PPV#50
June 25th, 2003
TNA Asylum

TONIGHT; TRIPLE X VS AMW IN THE FIRST CAGE MATCH IN NWA-TNA HISTORY FOR THE TAG TITLES.

We get a awesome recap of all the times Triple X and the numbers game has fucked AMW over . Such a simple and perfect story since this started, and it's wild to think that TNA will keep it going until December 04.

Tenay notes that XXX aren't wearing the SEX shirts anymore, and he says Russo has disbanded the group. Thank Christ for that.

Match#1 Triple X (c) vs America's Most Wanted (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championship~Steel Cage. No Escape Rules. )
AMW go on the attack right away and beat the piss of XXX, and the cage adds a new wrinkle to the already great formula they've been using. Harris gets thrown into it to cut off the attack and bleeds like a stuck pig, and the heels go to work on the cut. Wonderful mean control seg with some wild shots to the head, and some killer selling from Harris. Once again, he's one of the best babyfaces in the world. He dies on everything and sells the blood loss SO well. Storm's hot tag is rules as always, and the cage lets him break out some new cool shit to really make them pay. Daniels cuts him off and drives his knee into the back of his head to smack his face off the cage, and Storm is busted bad and gets isolated before Harris' hot tag. He goes insane and beats the fuck out of them. They get busted open as well. Everything breaks down from there and everyone goes nuts trying to end it. Some of the biggers stuff includes Skipper getting powerbombed off the top of the cage by Storm, and Harris spears Daniels off it when he's trying to hang onto the wall. Skipper tops them all when he hits a fucking crossbody off the top. Jesus Christ, dude. He climbs up again, but Storm shoves him off to the outside AND DANIELS IS LEFT ALONE AND THE NUMBERS GAME HAS FINALLY TURNED THE TIDE. AMW fuck him up in revenge for all his bullshit, and Skipper keeps getting knocked down when he tries to get back in. HARRIS JUMPS OFF THE TOP OF THE FUCKING CAGE TO HIT THE DEATH SENTENCE AND AMW WIN THE TITLES BACK.
****

Tonight, Watts/Kash. Sandman/Siaki in the Hard Ten. Lynn/Credible in a Lights Out Match.

D-Lo storm the ring while the ring crew is trying to take the cage down. He throws them out and gets the mic, he says he helped AJ get to the top and Russo ruined everything by getting into his head. He demands AJ come out here right now and explain why he did it (well, he's the champ right now, so i think we know why) AJ comes down in street clothes and walks into the cage and goes nose to nose. D-Lo decks him and they have a wild fight with some insane AJ bumps into the cage. A REF RUNS DOWN AND WE'VE GOT A MATCH.

Match#2 AJ Styles vs D-Lo Brown (Steel Cage)
They have an insane sprint with wild bumps from both side, but AJ won't be outdone and takes years off his life with some nasty fucking headers over and over. HE TRIES TO CLIMB OUT AND D-LO BODY CHECKS HIM AND AJ FALLS OFF FACE FIRST INTO THE GROUND. JESUS FUCK. D-Lo breaks a chair over his back and just unloads a tremendous shit kicking on this little bastard. AJ finally kicks him in the dick to get him to stop, and he returns the favour with the chair and busts him open! Awesome control seg from AJ as he's perfect as the top heel of the company right off the bat with mean nasty offence and making the other guy look like the most sympathetic dude in the world. HE SMASHES THE DOOR IN D-LO'S FACE AND WIPES HIS BLOOD ALL OVER HIS FACE. AJ FUCKING STYLES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. DW says AJ is now a brainwashed monster and this is all Russo's fault.D-Lo's comeback is good times and AJ dies on everything for him. D-Lo goes up top for the Low-Down, but Russo stands in his way and lets AJ throw a chair in his face to knock him off and the ref calls for the bell. One of the best fuck finishes Russo ever booked. Maybe THE best.
***1/4

The heels beat him down and Jeff runs down to try and help, but security drags him away and Russo screams he'll never get another shot. Back in the ring, AJ murders D-Lo with the chair and ends him with a Styles Clash onto a chair.

Holy fuck, the best 40 minute opening block in company history.

In the carpark, Shane Douglas beats up the Gathering and does his stupid laugh the entire time. He Belly to Belly's Julio on a guardrail in a real nasty fucking landing. He walks back into the Asylum and walks up to Raven's perch. He talks about throwing the NWA title down back in 94 and shitting on heritage and tradition, and he basically killed off the NWA. He says he saw Raven try and resurrect what he killed, and after TNA refused to answer his calls for months and months, he made a deal with the devil to take out Raven. He says his destiny is to get his ass franchised. God, what a lame asshole. Raven finally shows up and they fight again in the perch, and that cock Disco Inferno shows up to help beat Raven up. Punk tries to help Raven, but he gets beaten as well. And goddamn Jeff Jarrett shows up for the save and protects Raven!!!

Next Week, Tenay interviews A Man Called Sting.

Match#3 Jerry Lynn vs Justin Credible (Lights Out Match)
They fight in a paddock like this is a CZW show, or something. They take some wild bumps on the ground and on top of cars, and it's the smartest way this match could ever be good. They fight back into the Asylum, and keep bashing the piss out of each other all around the place. They fight on the ramp and Lynn gets a roll-up to win. lmao, Goddamn him
**1/2

Post match, Credbible attacks him and handcuffs to one of the dancers cages. He beats his stupid body with a chair and hits the catchphrase to end it.

In the back, Disco is standing by with the former SEX guys, and says they'll get it all back even without the name or Russo's backing. Fucking hate that this is still a thing, but i think we're very close to the actual end of our nightmare.

Match#4 Chris Sabin vs Frankie Kazarian
Non title, so you can see where this is going from a mile away. DW dubs this "FUTURE VS FUTURE" and it's the first time I'm sad he was right. Insane to think Frankie's old ass is still a thing despite not being very good at all. Least Sabin still rules. Oh, the match. Yeah, it's fine enough basics for a while. but nothing to write home about at all. Sabin at least his his awesome dive and has a good control seg, but Frankie is a void that adds next to nothing. They trade stuff for a while and Kaz gets it done with a Spanish Fly. Insane to see that pin anyone, but it's 2003 and it's not overused as fuck.
**

In the back, Shane cuts another horrible, horrible promo. Anyone who likes this man or thinks he should have been more, falls in the same category as people who think Ken Kennedy was good. Just clueless insane people. He challenges Raven and Jeff to face him and Disco in a tag match.

Hype video for Watts/Kash

Match#5 Kid Kash vs Erik Watts
Kash works harder than he has in months to carry this turd to anything decent, and he does a mostly ok job of it. Big bumps on everything and some fun basics when he's in control. Watts sucks so much shot, though. He can't even sit in a dragon sleeper correctly, as half his head is out and Kash is just holding the top of his head and looks like an asshole as a result. He keeps fucking things up and i want to die. Abyss finally shows up and nukes him with the BHS and Kash steals it
*
Goldy runs down to check on Watts, and sadly the ring doesn't explode.

3LK do a take off of the shitty TNA Interrogation bit.

In the back, the singles greatest moment in wrestling history happens


Match#6 The Sandman vs Sonny Siaki (Hard Ten Semi Finals)
Sandman finally murders this idiot for all of us that have suffered sitting through an entire year of this horrible push. Sonny tries to smoke and starts coughing because he's a big baby who never had a drag before. AMAZING. He gets a massive lead when he puts Sandman through a table, but he fucks himself up in the process and Sandman beats him with every bit of plunder in sight to quickly even it up. He nails the Rollin' Rock to send him through a table to win.
**1/2

Post match, New Jack shows up and congratulates his hardcore brother on his win. Next week, they're beating the crap out of each other and show everyone where the violence started. They share a beer to end it.

In the back, Jeff Jarrett says he won't back down from anyone and he'll do what he needs to do to win. Raven walks on and says they can trust each other for one night.

IN THE BACK, SANDERS TRIES TO DROWN SHARK BOY, BUT YOU CAN'T DROWN A SHARK, YOU MORON. HE STEALS THE OCTOPUSS AND RUNS OFF. Incredible.

At ringside, DW tries to hype next week and Lynn runs on and cuts a METAL promo, and challenges Credible to a Russian Chain Match.

NEXT WEEK. RUSSIAN CHAIN MATCH. AMW VS DY/SIAKI. FINALS OF THE HARD TEN. WATTS/ABYSS.

In the back (fuck you) Sonny says he spoke to Russo and some changes are happening. Goldy yells at him, and Trinity walks on and chokes her out. Ok then. DW suspects that Trinity has seen what Russo did for AJ and she wants that. Bless that man for trying to explain all of Russo's bullshit.

Match#7 Raven & Jeff Jarrett vs Shane Douglas & Disco Inferno
Starts off with a big brawl because of course it did. Wouldn't have it any other way, tbqh. They fight all over the Asylum and it's fun stuff because of the super team. The heels look like complete shit, especially Shane. Just a big rusty old man who has no business being anywhere near this. Raven fucks his leg up at some point and keeps hobbling and it stops him from helping Jeff out for too long. JJ gets isolated and it's baaaaaaaaaaad. Just a terrible time for all. Raven gets the hot tag and sells the leg amazingly as he beats these two hacks up. It breaks down and Disco gets brained by Jeff's guitar, AND THE REF STOPS COUNTING AND SELLS LIKE HE GOT KICKED OUT OF THE RING AND SHANE SLOWLY WALKS OVER AND *KICKS* HIM TO MAKE IT LOOK LIKE HE BROKE IT UP. LMAO LOLTNA. Raven hits the EVENFLOW and Father Mitchell shows up after being dead for months, and DW spoils it by saying he's the Devil. He gets in the ring and hits Raven with a fireball and that's a DQ
*1/2

Tenay shouts "HE MADE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL" to close the show

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: AJ STYLES. Since-11/6/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: AMERICA'S MOST WANTED. Since-25/6/03

NWA-TNA PPV#51
July 2nd, 2003
TNA Asylum

Recap of last week.

We go straight to the ring in a nice change of pace, and we see the Clockwork Orange set up and Douglas is standing there with a mic. He says a lot of terrible words about killing the NWA and being mad at Raven for trying to bring it back. He says it was meant to be him vs Raven tonight, but he's not here and he wants his hand raised. CM Punk comes out and takes Raven's place.

Match#1 CM Punk vs Shane Douglas (Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match)
Punker works as hard as he can in his big chance in front of these droogs, and it's a lot of fun from his end. Shane looks like shit and works in a shirt this week, which feels like someone had a chat to him. He takes over after hitting Punker with a Alabama Slam on the floor, and it's better than last week because Punk takes some stupid bumps for our entertainment. His comeback is fun as well and DW loves him a lot. He hits a nasty chair shot to the skull and maybe has it won. but Douglas uses brass knucks and the Belly to Belly to steal it. Yuck
**1/2

Post match, Mitchell walks down and throws a fireball at Punker, and the Gathering run down for the save.

Jarrett makes his way down for some mic time, but Russo shows up before he can get a word out. Goddamn it. He sets up a chair and some pepsi. He says Jeff will never get another rematch against AJ because he's not up to his calibre, and he SUCKS. Got him. Jeff rushes him and beats the crap out of him and some giant dude attacks him, and Tenay identifies him as Joe Legend from WWF. According to wiki he was a jobber who was called "Just Joe" and "his gimmick was that of a messenger who tried to stir the pot" So you know, a real star that should be getting this spotlight. The attack is terrible because he's a fucking jobber who has never had to do this, and Jeff can only do so much with someone like this. It goes on forever and forever and Legend is blown up from it and he looks near death. lmaoooooo. Tenay tries to hype this idiot by saying he's made his name around the world, and it's just not going to work. AJ finally comes out and helps to beat Jeff up in an attempt to save this. They tape him tp the ropes and Russo beats his ribs in with a baseball bat, and Jeff spits up blood. Horrible, horrible segment.

Recap of the incredible tag title match.

Match#2 America's Most Wanted (c) vs David Young & Sonny Siaki (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championships)
Pretty fun showcase for our heroes. Sonny sucks a ton, but DY holds his end up and AMW are the best. Death Sentence does the deed
*3/4

Prime Time Skipper hype video!!!

In the back, Kash is looking for "big scary dude". He asks if he got the candy he sent him, and just realised he doesn't know his name, so he can be called ABYSS. Watts attacks from behind and handcuffs him to the fence. Abyss runs out and fights Watts to the ring.

Match#3 Abyss vs Erik Watts
Abyss is no super worker, and his peak is really only 2 years (04-mid 06) but man he looks like the best big man in the world compared this fucking fuck. He beats the crap out of him and it's super impressive watching him hurl a dude as big as Watts around. Abyss breaks out the Shock Treatment as well, and all he needs is a few tweaks and he's all there. Watts comeback sucks shit, but Abyss getting up for a Chokeslam is pretty rad. The ref gets bumped and Kash is out here and Tenay is confused on how he got out of the cuffs. Watts gets rid of him with ease, but it allows Abyss to hit the BHS to win
*1/4

Post match, Abyss carries his new little friend out of the ring.

The Sting interview is nearly 15 minutes and you're better off watching it than reading a shitty recap.


Recap of the Lynn/Credible feud

Match#4 Justin Credible vs Jerry Lynn (Russian Chain Match)
DW says he was under the impression they were going to be handcuffed to the chain, which is maybe the most Russo idea i can think of. This is fun again as they both try hard, and chain matches are very hard to fuck up. Both dudes bleed, and it's lovely to see them lose ounces of lifeblood before my eyes. They have a pretty fun back and forth and some of the shots are nasty as hell. Lynn low blows him with the chain and wait for it, rolls him up to win. Motherfucker just can't help himself
**3/4

Post match, Credible goes on the attack and hits That's (not really) Incredible. One of the dancers, Lollipop checks on Lynn. Oh, no.

In the back, Kaz is talking to an NWA rep about getting a title match after beating Sabin. AJ walks on and rightly makes fun of this dweeb and says he was meant to face Jeff tonight, but he sadly got injured, so Kaz can have a match if he wants because AJ is the dream maker. Kaz accepts.

Match#5 Shark Boy vs Mike Sanders
This is Sanders last match in TNA. Happy days, folks. Sharky does his best to carry this complete nothing for a few minutes and it's ok, i guess. Sharky gets a rollup to win
*3/4

Post match, the Nazis try to attack him, but Sharky runs for the hills!! The Nazis then beat up Sanders and leave him laying. Fuck you all.

Another shitty comedy segment from 3LK airs. Least we don't have to see them wrestle.

In the ring, Traci and Veronica are in the ring complaining about not being able to wrestle men. Why is happening? Why would the 300 people throwing away money on this show want to see it? Lollipop and the other dancer come to the ring and we get a catfight. Sup, Russo

In a pre-tape, Sandman says he's the Hardcore Icon and he invented it. New Jack said he started it and he's the father of this, and tonight we see how violent he truly is. Oh god, Sandman is about to be shanked.

Match#6 New Jack vs The Sandman (Hard Ten Finals)
Hell yeah, ECW dream match comes to life. They beat the shit out of each as promised and it's as fun and wild as you want it to be in 2003. Jack breaks out the staple gun for the first time in TNA, and that will never not be amazing. He gets the early lead and Sandman has to break out the cane to get on the board. They have an Asylum Brawl and fight to the very top of the place. Jack beats the fuck out of him with a chair and looks to have it won, BUT SANDMAN BACKDROPS HIM OFF THE BALCONY, AND JACKS GOES FACE FIRST THROUGH A FUCKING TABLE AND SANDMAN WINS. Good lord.
***

Match#7 AJ Styles (c) vs Frankie Kazarian (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
AJ is tasked with getting something out of a super dull kid a company sees something in, and like always (because AJ doesn't fucking miss unless the kid is really nothing) he does it and makes Frankie look like a Future star. Big bumps on all his offence, amazing heel work on his end, just the classic AJ formula. Frankie tries very hard and looks the best yet, but he's still prone to some sloppy moments and dull work, but way more good than bad. AJ's control seg is mean as hell and he adds some wonderful shit talk to it all. He breaks out a wild headscissors off the top where he hangs Frankie neck first on the ropes, and it's brutal as hell to look at. He smashes Kaz's nose with a GROSS knee and then folds him up with the Dropkick. AJ Fucking Styles!!! He keeps it and just blasts the piss out of him, and Kaz looks amazing for surviving it all. Some bullshit hits when Sabin runs down nukes Kaz with an STO, but he kicks out, so Trinity gets involved and he kicks out of that as well. FFS, stop this. He goes into his comeback and it's fun stuff with a few moments where he nearly kills AJ on some nasty landings. He hits a dive to finally get rid of the heels, but AJ catches him coming off the top when he tries to hit him, and he sets up the clash

Kaz is very dead and AJ wins.
***

Post match, the new heel group celebrate and Russo comes out and beats Kaz up with a baseball bat. D-Lo runs down for the save and cleans house. He kills AJ with the Sky High, but the red shirts stop him from getting to Russo. D-Lo gets on the mic and says next week AJ's run ends because they're going one on one. Russo says it'll be a handicap match because they're the complete package, and D-Lo says next week he'll have someone in his corner and they'll be DOWN WITH THE BROWN.

 

[BigVanDonnie]

NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: AJ STYLES. Since-11/6/03
NWA-TNA X-DIVISION CHAMPION: CHRIS SABIN. Since-14/5/03
NWA-TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: AMERICA'S MOST WANTED. Since-25/6/03

NWA-TNA PPV#52
July 9th, 2003
TNA Asylum

Recap of last week stars us off. Feels counterproductive when the same people are buying the shows every week, but you do you TNA.

Hudson meets Jeff in the carpark and says he's not been medically cleared, but Jeff blows him off and says it's batter up time. Jeff is a baseball fury.

TONIGHT; AJ STYLES VS D-LO BROWN FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

Tenay announces that Disco Inferno is on a mission to win the tag titles, and he's put Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger together back together after their ECW run as his chosen team. Also, they've got a tag title shot tonight!! Using Disco as a shithead manger is the absolute best of use of him if you "have" to not fire him.

Match#1 America's Most Wanted (c) vs Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger w/Disco Inferno (NWA-TNA World Tag Team Championship)
The heels aren't very good as wrestler, but they RULE as characters, and i love new blood being added to a super fucking stale division. AMW work hard as always, and the heels step things up and lay down a pretty basic, but fun control seg on Harris. Storm's hot tag is good times before it breaks down as always. Disco gets involved and the heel nearly steal it, but AMW fight through it all and Harris beats Swinger with his spear to keep the gold
**3/4

Christopher Daniels hype video.

Not sure why they're now running separate hype videos for XXX when they aren't breaking up, and when they didn't fucking bother to do this when they debuted a year ago. Fucking TNA.

In the ring, Joe Legend is standing by with a baseball bat. Shockingly, a jobber can't talk at all and looks super uncomfortable in this spot. Great work Russo, you fucking cumrag. Speaking of, Russo comes out dressed as 90's Double J, and he cutsa dire, and i mean dire promo. It dies a thousand deaths and i ponder how TNA didn't die long before it ever got a TV deal. Anyway, Jeff finally shows up to fight them and it goes on forever and forever like last week, and it's so terrible. Legend leaves him laying and life gets worse. That entire segment was nearly 20 minutes by the way. LOLTNA.

In the back, Hudson is interviewing Chris Sabin. He PISSED at Kaz for calling himself "the future" when he's the one holding the gold, and Kaz is on a losing streak. He says he needs to win the #1 contender's match and he might give him a shot.

Skipper joins commentary for the #1 contenders match. Great work from TNA to hype this in any way.

Match#2 Frankie Kazarian vs Kid Romeo vs Matt Sydal vs Alter Boy Luke vs vs Matt Stryker vs Delirious (X-Division #1 Contender's Elimination Match)
Jesus christ, what a barren wasteland of talent mixed with one all time dude and one super fun gimmick guy. Kaz has his ribs taped from last week. This is just a big spot fest and given how terrible or boring most of these guys are, it's not very good at all. One of the worst dive trains happens and Sydal looks even cooler than normal because of how bad the other guys looked., so of course he's the first dude out. Fuck this. Kaz wins and let's just move on with our lives.
3/4*

Post match, Sabin comes out and says the title match happens NOW. He punches him and it's on

Match#3 Chris Sabin (c) vs Frankie Kazarian (NWA-TNA X-Division Championship)
Awesome 3 minute sprint. Sabin beat the crap out of him and Kaz displays more fire than ever to try and survive it. Sabin goes after the shity ribs and throws Kaz into the post and hits the Future Shock to retain
**1/2

In the back, Hudson stands over a dead Jeff Jarrett. He says his ribs are died and whatnot, and right on cue the shitty heels attack him some more.

In the ring, Lollipop (cage dancer who is now a thing) cuts a terrible promo about last weeks catfight. Veronica comes out and they "fight". Russo sucks.

Earlier today, Tenay sat down with Father James "Devil" Mitchell. He says hell a popping right now, and Shane made a deal with the devil to get what he wanted because they both hate Raven. He says he hates him because he's a whiny bitch who is a rich boy with a silver spoon in his mouth. He says Raven has never felt real pain like him. He talks about blowing himself up in ECW with a fireball gone wrong (this is the insane story where it blew up in his hands and fucked a bunch of nerves in his body, and blew part of his finger off and tore a hole in his fucking stomach. Also, as this happened he screamed to Mikey Whipwreck "MIKEY, THIS ISN'T GOOD") He says he rebuilt himself on his own and he didn't bitch about all the horrible shit he went through, and Raven is a disgrace to those who really suffer. He calls him a fake brainwasher who hangs out with burnouts and dope fiends, and if he had any control at all, he himself wouldn't be a junkie loser that burnt it all down. GOODDAMN. He says Raven "plays" with the darkside and he's clueless, and now he's conjured his wrath and he will feel real pain and loss. Jesus Christ, what a segment.

In the ring, Julio cuts a terrible promo challenging Douglas to a fight.

Match#4 Shane Douglas vs Julio Dinero w/Alexis Laree
Shane is blown up 30 seconds in lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. So yeah, this is very bad and funny and well worth the LOLTNA label. Shane wins with his shitty Belly to Belly
3/4*

Post match, Father James comes out and tries to throw a fireball at Julio, but Alexis stops him. So he throws one at her instead. Fair enough.

In the carpark, the heels beat up Jeff some more as he's being loaded into an ambulance. Love that this fucking bastard has gotten 3 segments, and we haven't seen AJ at all. Wonder who is booking this rotten company.

Match#5 Ron Harris w/Don Harris vs Shark Boy

Another terrible 3LK comedy segment. Sucks so much shit Killings is being wasted on these two hacks.

In the back, D-Lo cuts a promo about the main event, but AJ rushes him and they have a cool fight before they get broken up. Nice of them to remember they have a world champion, and he's the best dude in this company.

Match#6 Kid Kash w/Abyss vs Jerry Lynn
DW says Lynn has challenged Credible to a LMS match next week, and i kinda want to see it. This is pretty fun as Kash being a sneaky little cunt works well in contrast to angry metal old man Lynn. They have a fun back and forth before Abyss nukes Lynn with the Shock Treatment to let Kash take over. Fun control seg from Kash, and i imagine this would have been a ECW PPV match in 01, and it sucks we never got it. A lot of bullshit happens where the ref gets bumped and distracted at least 3 times, and everyone looks like assholes as a result. Credible eventually shows up and canes Lynn to give Kash the win
**

In the ring, Tenay talks about the legends of hardcore and how Sadman is in the same category and last week confirmed it (or his entire fucking career to this point, you hack) He comes out and he's drunk as skunk and drinks beer out of the trophy, and DW says it'll hold quite a few beers. He tips the beer down some fans throats for a while, until some fat dude in a suit attacks him and holy shit, Cyrus from ECW is here. (he's going by his real name, but nah i don't play that game). Cyrus introduces the fat dude as Edward Chastain. Uhh, what a shitty name, Cyrus declares Sandman's career as over and throws the trophy into a trash can. Weird segment.

In the back, Trinity is with Hudson She cuts a "you people caused this" promo. No thanks.

NEXT WEEK. RAVEN RETURNS. LYNN/CREDIBLE IN A LAST MAN STANDING MATCH. SHARKJACK VS NAZIS. JARRETT VS LEGEND.

D-Lo introduces his equaliser...Russo is locked in a cage. Oh, cool

Match#7 AJ Styles (c) vs D-Lo Brown (NWA-TNA World Heavyweight Championship)
They have a super cool feeling out to start and both men counter early, so they turn it into an awesome fight at ringside and AJ breaks out the incredible slide under the rail when D-Lo tries to throws him into it. DW says this is student vs teacher and AJ doesn't need Russo to win because he's truly phenomenal and he should focus on that. AND AJ USES THE FUCKING FOSBURY FLOP FOR THE FIRST TIME IN TNA AND LANDS ON HIS FEET, AND PROVES DON WEST RIGHT. The fucking best.

It turns into an awesome slugfest, and DW says this what D-Lo need to do to win because he's bigger and can use his weight to beat him down. D-Lo does it and really beats the shit out of AJ, and Styles takes some nutty bumps, including the backdrop where he looks like he's floating in mid-air. Trinity gets involved because Russo can't not book some bullshit, no matter what. The ref gets kicked in the head by AJ and D-Lo has it won with the Low-Down, but that pesky motherfucker Siaki shows up and hits him with cane and the neckbreaker, and AJ hits the Low-Down as a fuck you to win.
***

Once again, AJ overcomes some Russo's bullshit and has a killer match. The best.

The heels beat up D-Lo and lock him in the cage and tip it over to end the show.