The Dresden Dose: Monday Night WAR September 5th
I know what you're thinking: WAR's been up as well as the preview for next week's show, Honor and the preview for next week's show went up last night, where on Earth are the reviews? Well between internet problems, writing for Honor, writing a match for WAR, writing a couple matches for Smackdown, and real life obligations it's been a busy week. But fear not, loyal readers, because I'm back to fill your prescription for The Dresden Dose!
OPENING
WAR has changed its theme to Nonpoint's "There's Going To Be A War", something Hoov and Andrew discussed with me on MSN earlier this week. I don't mean they ran it by me for approval, it was more, "Hey Dres, what do you think of this?" and I gave it a thumbs up and they gave it a thumbs up and now we have ourselves a new theme song for Monday nights. In e-feds anyway, I think we're stuck with Nickelback for the immediate future for RAW.
Anyhoo, WAR seems to be moving more toward what their name implies, striving for a grittier and edgier product. I'm all for that, I'm just curious to see how effectively it can be executed. Also, because of something all us head writers agreed on, WAR also has a new commentary team of Booker T, Josh Mathews, and Michael Cole. Haven't experienced many three-man teams in e-feds, but I'll see how I like it when I read the matches and such.
SHEAMUS-ON VS. R.E.M.E.D.Y.
After the opening pleasantries are exchanged and the three men run down tonight's card, it is time for the tag match, pitting Sheamus and Morrison against my faction R.E.M.E.D.Y. This match is interesting to me because it pits myself, one person playing two characters, against two people who each play one, as Bronzy pointed out in the preview thread.
I'm going to give some background on how R.E.M.E.D.Y. came about for those who may be interested. Before Honor fully came about and had its own section and everything, I was aware Kane would be changing brands, leaving me no one on Honor. Well, wanting to have someone on both shows, I decided to pick up a tag team. While I was doing laundry, ideas hit me at the strangest times, I thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be interesting if R-Truth and Jesse Ventura were in a tag team together?"
So I ran it by Andrew, who didn't get the connection at first, but later got where I was coming from. But Ventura was to be the mouthpiece, so now I was without a partner for Truth. After much thought, I decided on Eddie Guerrero, who brought me a lot of success in UCW because of the sinister way I played him, plus he fit the mold. As for how they ended up with, "Coma White" for a theme song, well, I was just randomly surfing YouTube and it sounded cool. And the name also came to me randomly. What's it stand for? Keep an eye on things, it might be revealed.
R.E.M.E.D.Y. is, as Big Red Morrison Punk so straightforwardly put it, "two psychos mixed with a major psycho himself in Ventura". Couldn't have summed it up better myself. This is the part where I open the floor up to you guys. What do you think of R.E.M.E.D.Y.?
The match itself was brief, which doesn't surprise me considering only myself and Lub trash talked for it. Technically speaking, I should have won, because both members of my team were represented, while only Sheamus was on the opposing team. However, I don't mind the DQ finish because it spares Lub from being punished and makes R.E.M.E.D.Y. look strong in defeat. Morrison turns heel and makes off with Sheamus' championship, continuing their feud.
COMMERCIAL ONE
The first commercial of the night is Bob Marley. Why? I guess because the WAR writers like marijuana and reggae, idk. Just kidding, the real reason is Hoov's growing dreadlocks.
EDGE PROMO
Back from commercial, we are joined by the Rated R Superstar Edge. Edge delivers a comical promo to start, I love his reasoning for spearing Kane. Almost makes this Big Red Monster not want to destroy you, almost. Edge brings out Lita, officially making her his manager as she speaks on her return. Edge makes a joke about a live sex celebration before putting all of us on notice that the era of Rated R has returned. Had to laugh when he said, "Hide your kids, hide your wives." Just sayin'.
FINLAY CELEBRATION PARTY
Well the end of Edge's promo said we were heading to commercial but Michael Cole said Finlay's celebration party was next, and since I see Finlay I'm going to say Cole's telling the truth. Finlay starts his promo taking a shot at Honor, claiming the superstars on the brand are there because they're scared of him. He goes on to compliment those that stayed on WAR, and plugs a t-shirt that looks on awful lot like Hornswoggle with a t-shirt cannon.
Finlay swipes the "millions and MILLIONS" line from the guy he took the belt from, The Rock, as Hornswoggle prepares to fire the t-shirts into the crowd. But it's a swerve, as Finlay tells the crowd they don't deserve to wear his merchandise, then runs down Stone Cold and heads off into the sunset without Hornswoggle in tow. Ugh, Hornswoggle. Good heel promo though.
JOHN CENA VS. CHRIS JERICHO
This match was also rather brief, but Cena won it in sickly and impressive fashion with an FU onto the steel steps that resulted in Jericho getting counted out. Booker T and Cole have a fun dispute over the result as a masked man enters the ring, who reveals himself to be Stone Cold as he gives Jericho a Stunner to add insult to injury.
COMMERCIAL TWO
The second commercial of the night is a still of a TNA match between AJ Styles and what appears to be either Christopher Daniels or Low Ki. I'm going to say Daniels. What event it's from I couldn't tell you.
JERICHO PROMO
Apparently that FU knocked Jericho loopy because he's talking about a match that just happened like it hasn't happened yet. And I guess Booker T and Michael Cole have gotten to Mathews, because he's standing there interviewing him about it, like nothing's out of the ordinary. By the way, the "dog biscuit" line made me laugh.
V1 PROMO
The dig at those "too cheap to buy the PPV" or "whose stream died before my arrival" was a nice line. Because of how early in the event it was though, they must not have been watching Starrcade on a very good stream. Hoov captures the essence of a heel Matt Hardy I will say, I enjoyed this promo.
EMPERORS OF ROYALTY PROMO
William Regal in e-feds is something I've always wanted to see. I've only seen him as General Manager with Eugene on one of the several incarnations of PWM's iMPACT. Putting him with Barrett is star pairing. The shot at Canada made me laugh. It's predictable, but funny. The gang bang line stood out also. This was a brilliant heel promo, and a strong one to debut one, I could hear both men speaking each word.
EDGE VS. CM PUNK
Another very short match. Lita, Punk's real life former flame, comes out onto the stage and Punk makes the mistake of taking his focus from the match and putting it on her, allowing Edge to win via roll-up.
COMMERCIAL THREE
Well the third time's certainly the charm for commercials this evening, as WAR takes a look at developmental diva Tenille Taylor. I think she's attractive, on the unhealthy side of skinny though.
BATISTA PROMO
Back from commercial, we are joined by the Animal. Batista threatens to walk out and go somewhere he's appreciated. You're more than welcome to come to Honor, pal. After venting his frustrations over recent happenings, Batista demands a human punching bag essentially. And who better to answer the request than CM Punk, who just got rolled up by Edge like it was his first time in the ring.
Punk doesn't say much before Tazz intervenes, booking Punk versus Batista at Invasion in a Last Man Standing match. I think I picked that stip. He also announces WAR Roulette next week, with a special return of the Highlight Reel. That segment should produce quite nicely.
STONE COLD VS. FINLAY
I was supposed to write this match, but didn't get it turned in on time. Luckily, Tapout came to the rescue and well, did a stellar job. The result was the same as my match. My version included Booker T punching out Michael Cole, Stone Cold momentarily putting on the headset and doing commentary, and a Stunner to Hornswoggle. Either way, a fine main event. Austin is arguably the next in line for a title shot.
CLOSING THOUGHTS
Overall, I felt this was an okay show. Both shows were plagued by poor TT'ing this week, but I'll get to that more in the Honor review. My best wishes go out to Rock, hope you make a full recovery buddy. Well guys, be sure to check out WAR Roulette this week. A lot of stacked matches and yours truly appears several times throughout. If those things combined aren't enough incentive, I don't know what is. Hope you guys enjoyed this column, be on the look out for the Honor edition coming up later today.