2014 NFL Offseason Thread

[Dolph'sZiggler]

Gettin Thiggy wit it

 

[Snowman1]

For all of you tabloid lovers, Johnny Manziel is God's gift to the NFL. He's being sued for sexual harassment.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

For all of you tabloid lovers, Johnny Manziel is God's gift to the NFL. He's being sued for sexual harassment.

sigh. People suing people over everything and bitches claiming anything and everything is sexual harassment. We're gonna sit here and pretend the bitch didn't want to fuck Jonathan Football?

 

[Snowman1]

sigh. People suing people over everything and bitches claiming anything and everything is sexual harassment. We're gonna sit here and pretend the bitch didn't want to fuck Jonathan Football?

I would love to see that used as a court defense lol.

"He grabbed my rear end and tried to do unspeakable things to me!"
"Hey, bitch, I'm Johnny Football. Judge, you know it was consensual."

 

[Snowman1]

Well never mind, noticed ESPN wasn't running with it, PFT has some great details. Read this.

Spoiler

Yes, Johnny Manziel technically has been sued for sexual harassment in a Florida federal court.

No, it’s not a real lawsuit. It’s a hoax. An obvious hoax. A hoax so obvious that the clerk of the court should have refused to dignify it with a date stamp or with an assignment of the case to both a judge and a magistrate.

Courts typically accept whatever comes in, and then they sort it all out later. But it may be time for courts to revisit that approach, given that anyone can put together anything and send it in and have it become officially filed — which gives it a weird sense of credibility and legitimacy, even when it’s clearly a hoax.

The lawsuit, which was field on May 16, 2014, was sent to us last night by a reader. The named plaintiff is Samatha Schacher. Whoever drafted the hoax lawsuit has tried to create the impression that it’s the same Samantha Schacher who serves as an HLN contributor and co-host of the network’s Dr. Drew show. (There’s a reference in the lawsuit to Manziel suggesting a “threesome with Dr. Drew.”)

Before sharing any specifics from the hoax lawsuit, I need to point out once that it’s clearly a hoax.

“Defendant Manziel has been sexually harassing me since Valentine’s Day, 2013, calling me non-stop on my Samsung Phone and sending me naked selfies of himself showing me his penis,” the lawsuit alleges. (The folks at Samsung may or may not appreciate the gratuitous plug.)

The lawsuit — again, it’s a hoax — also claims that Manziel sent a naked picture of himself with his penis in a hotdog bun, that he sent a photo with a “ruler next to his erect penis that measured 4-1/2 inches,” that he “keeps asking me to strip for him at his boy, Lebron James’ crip [sic] in Miami,” that Manziel “told me he does steroids and lifts weights,” and that “if another man ever talks to me, he would beat them up and get away with it because he’s famous.”

The lawsuit — again, hoax — says that Manziel confessed that he cheated on his college exams, that he’ll “get a penis enlargement and be my Long John Silvers [sic],” that he smoked marijuana before games in the locker room, that he received “lavish gifts” from Texas A&M, that he’d buy the plaintiff “sex toys with secret money Kevin Sumlin provides him,” and that he “refers to his penis as his Vienna Sausage.”

The lawsuit — again, hoax — says that “Judereon” Clowney sent Manziel a picture of Clowney’s nine-inch penis, and that Manziel showed the picture to the plaintiff and “asked me if I could handle that monster.”

“I had to see a Psychologist because I have nightmares of Manziel’s penis,” the lawsuit — hoax — states. “Manziel sent me a homemade video of himself at Walt Disney World on ‘It’s a Small Word’ ride in the Magic Kingdom, and while the song is on, he puts the camera down unbuttons his pants, pulls his penis out and jingles [sic] his penis to the music. ESPN owns Disney and ESPN promotes Manziel, knowing he did this in ‘It’s a Small World.’”

Again, the lawsuit is a hoax. It never should have been stamped for filing, and it should be thrown out of court today.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I would love to see that used as a court defense lol.

"He grabbed my rear end and tried to do unspeakable things to me!"
"Hey, bitch, I'm Johnny Football. Judge, you know it was consensual."

It sucks that some chicks really are being sexually harassed by athletes, but how easy is it to be a chick and make a money grab? See pro athlete at party. Lead him on, then play hard to get. After the fact act like he was forcing himself onto you, start a civil suit. Said civil suit is settled out of court for X number of dollars (it always ends this way).

So yea, obviously I'm an asshole for assuming it is always a money grab, but that's just my take lmao.

edit: and just like that my asshole-tendencies make me look all the wiser. woo hoo

 

[Snowman1]

Dude your assholish tendencies don't even come close to scratching the surface of this. 1:

WHO DOES THIS? What the hell is wrong with you people? It's just... GAH!

This story is just wonderful.

One other story I'll be following closely is the Saga of Kyle Orton. He's like "Peace, 'boys, I'm retiring" and they're like "NO PLEASE STAY I BEG OF YOU!" and there's a contract dispute and all that shit. In reality, Romo is injury-prone-ish and still dealing with a nagging back injury and they can't rely on Brandon Weeden as a backup, the last thing the world (besides Danny and Sharpy and maybe Nero) needs lol. Whatever, Cowboys suck anyway.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

FANTASY MOCK DRAFTS NOW AVAILABLE OMG

http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/mockdraftlobby

 

[Snowman1]

FANTASY MOCK DRAFTS NOW AVAILABLE OMG

http://games.espn.go.com/ffl/mockdraftlobby

Just tried one of these and some jackhole took Rex Grossman with a top-5 pick! :yay:

 

[Snowman1]

Hey Dolph's, Matt Russell, Broncos' director of player personnel charged with drunk driving, careless driving, and possession of alcohol. He crashed into a police SUV and injured an officer. He got sentenced to 7 months in prison.

Granted by Colorado law he can get out in 3 1/2 months, it's still damn nice to see someone get a substantial sentence for such a crime.

 

[Dolph'sZiggler]

I'm sure he wouldn't have gotten shit had he not crashed into a police officer.

I tried some Mock Drafts today. First one I wanted to do my best, second one I wanted to be "That guy". I haven't looked at rankings or anything so I have no idea how I did.

Team Buff Bagwell (pick 6)

WR- Calvin Johnson (R1)- First 5 picks seem to be the elite RBs. AD/Shady/Charles/Beast Mode/Lacy. I went Calvin over Forte
WR- Julio Jones (R2)- I had Zac Stacy ready to go but went Julio over Stacy/AJ Green. Julio coming back with a vengeance
RB- Giovani Bernard (R3) Having missed out on the real RB1s I start drafting for upside right away.
RB- Andre Ellington (R4) Led League in YPC last year, should get more consistent touches next season
QB - Stafford (R5) Went with Stafford over Luck, Wilson and Kaep. More weapons + the cute WR/QB combo. Probably could have waited a round or more on QB
Flex- Shane Vereen (R6) I continue to be a believer in the fact that BB is a Vereen Believer. Love him as a RB3/Flex in PPR leagues.
WR- TY Hilton (R7) Torrey Smith was also available at this pick. So much WR Value...
TE- Greg Olsen (R8) Who else is Cam going to throw to?
RB- Danny Woodhead (R9) I don't think this is a PPR mock draft but I'm pretending it is
WR- Kenny Stills (R10) Breakout stud obv
I left after that because I was feeling ignorant as to who to draft at that point

My take away: It is obvious the strategy once again is RB RB RB if you can get them early. While top WRs are sexy names and the top #1 WRs can produce like top end RBs, the fact remains that very few RBs are even worth starting so getting the top guys early is basically a must. Meanwhile if you get your RBs early you can feast on the plethora of leftover WR talent in the middle rounds just like last year.

Team 2 Captain Insane-0 (pick 10)

QB- Michael Vick (R1)- BPA, runner/thrower stat machine
RB- LaDainian Tomlinson (R2)- One of the fantasy GOATs, couldn't believe I saw his name available at the end of R1
WR- Randy Moss (R3) Touchdown machine, 2nd best WR of all time
WR- Terrell Owens (R4) Not often you get to pick HOF WRs back to back, my lucky day
TE- Dennis Pitta (R5) The only person who is a big enough loser to play TE on this team!
K- Sebastian Janikowsi (R6) A mini-reach, sure, but securing the best kicker in history is well worth it. I give Jano a 4th round grade if your league gives out bonus points for bar fights.
RB- Larry Johnson (R7) He treats defenses like he treats his girlfriend
DEF- Chicago Bears (R8) I typed in "1985 Bears" but I think it gave me this years
QB- Blake Bortles (R9) Epic Jaguars combo part one
WR- Justin Blackmon (R10) Epic Jaguars combo part two
RB- Cadillac Williams (R11) Used Car Special
TE- Marcedes Lewis (R12) See Above
QB/TE- Terrell Pryor (R13) Versatile, change of scenery could be good
RB- Lendale White (R14) On the off chance that a team signs him to be the goal line back, in which case he is a lock for 10 TDs.
WR- KeShawn Martin (R15) Found out afterward that this wasn't the player I thought I was drafting...
QB- Tim Tebow (R16) You've gotta have faith

 

[Snowman1]

I'm sure he wouldn't have gotten shit had he not crashed into a police officer.

I tried some Mock Drafts today. First one I wanted to do my best, second one I wanted to be "That guy". I haven't looked at rankings or anything so I have no idea how I did.

Team Buff Bagwell (pick 6)

WR- Calvin Johnson (R1)- First 5 picks seem to be the elite RBs. AD/Shady/Charles/Beast Mode/Lacy. I went Calvin over Forte
WR- Julio Jones (R2)- I had Zac Stacy ready to go but went Julio over Stacy/AJ Green. Julio coming back with a vengeance
RB- Giovani Bernard (R3) Having missed out on the real RB1s I start drafting for upside right away.
RB- Andre Ellington (R4) Led League in YPC last year, should get more consistent touches next season
QB - Stafford (R5) Went with Stafford over Luck, Wilson and Kaep. More weapons + the cute WR/QB combo. Probably could have waited a round or more on QB
Flex- Shane Vereen (R6) I continue to be a believer in the fact that BB is a Vereen Believer. Love him as a RB3/Flex in PPR leagues.
WR- TY Hilton (R7) Torrey Smith was also available at this pick. So much WR Value...
TE- Greg Olsen (R8) Who else is Cam going to throw to?
RB- Danny Woodhead (R9) I don't think this is a PPR mock draft but I'm pretending it is
WR- Kenny Stills (R10) Breakout stud obv
I left after that because I was feeling ignorant as to who to draft at that point

My take away: It is obvious the strategy once again is RB RB RB if you can get them early. While top WRs are sexy names and the top #1 WRs can produce like top end RBs, the fact remains that very few RBs are even worth starting so getting the top guys early is basically a must. Meanwhile if you get your RBs early you can feast on the plethora of leftover WR talent in the middle rounds just like last year.

Team 2 Captain Insane-0 (pick 10)

QB- Michael Vick (R1)- BPA, runner/thrower stat machine
RB- LaDainian Tomlinson (R2)- One of the fantasy GOATs, couldn't believe I saw his name available at the end of R1
WR- Randy Moss (R3) Touchdown machine, 2nd best WR of all time
WR- Terrell Owens (R4) Not often you get to pick HOF WRs back to back, my lucky day
TE- Dennis Pitta (R5) The only person who is a big enough loser to play TE on this team!
K- Sebastian Janikowsi (R6) A mini-reach, sure, but securing the best kicker in history is well worth it. I give Jano a 4th round grade if your league gives out bonus points for bar fights.
RB- Larry Johnson (R7) He treats defenses like he treats his girlfriend
DEF- Chicago Bears (R8) I typed in "1985 Bears" but I think it gave me this years
QB- Blake Bortles (R9) Epic Jaguars combo part one
WR- Justin Blackmon (R10) Epic Jaguars combo part two
RB- Cadillac Williams (R11) Used Car Special
TE- Marcedes Lewis (R12) See Above
QB/TE- Terrell Pryor (R13) Versatile, change of scenery could be good
RB- Lendale White (R14) On the off chance that a team signs him to be the goal line back, in which case he is a lock for 10 TDs.
WR- KeShawn Martin (R15) Found out afterward that this wasn't the player I thought I was drafting...
QB- Tim Tebow (R16) You've gotta have faith

Man, how dare you think Curtis Martin was still on the board in Round 15!

The combined awesomeness of Dennis Pitta and Tim Tebow on the same team will make the ground roar, oceans quake, and fantasy players around the world tremble in fear. You just can't beat that.

I absolutely love your 1st draft. Played too much of my hand this year by saying over and over how I would totally go WR/WR, and that's why. Would love to be me and analyze it to death, but that would give away even more and we can't do that. 1: Somebody needs to unseat you this year, with Sharpy in the mix and me hopefully being less shitty and Danielson probably picking Dan Bailey in round 5 to help him win the league, we have a shot!

Just hope to beat you in the playoffs this year while starting your boy Alex Smith.

 

[Just Kevin]

Guys don't forget to remind me that I have to take Trent Richardson with my first fantasy pick.

 

[TheTNHMaster]

Guys don't forget to remind me that I have to take Trent Richardson with my first fantasy pick.

Ha fucking ha.