Thats a huge step forward. I hope things smooth out and get easier soon,

Bobby Barrows said:

Well, yesterday I saw my doctor, and he's going to refer me to a psychiatrist for ADD/Autism/GAD.

In the meantime, I've been prescribed an antidepressant/mood stabilizer for the next while to see if that will positively affect how I've been feeling lately.

Click to expand...

Here's hoping the meds help, glad you're seeing someone and getting help.

Yep just do what you can to get better

Hope all gets sorted for you Bobby. I suffer from ADHD and ritalin I've been told.from.my wife stunt my personality and make me like a zombie so i take them onna workday as i get a bit hyper. But weekends I'm with my new family and infant them too feel protected at all times.

My wife said I'm fine on the weekends when off so we take our daughter out for days out. Costs a fortune but my princess is worth it.

Wait till her daddy gets his new job. I'm going to spoil her only if she's been gone for mummy, then we'll go too town she's got a thing for my wrestling toys in mint condition. There here's for when I'm.not here.

Till i had my daughter my life wasn't going anywhere fast then i met my wife who I've knew since we were kids and just connected again. She knew i had a few behaviour problems from school but she taught me empathy and to think but before In speak

I never got what my mum meant what's meant to be won't pass you by, well I'm one of the fortunate ones and count my blessings every day.

Doom

I hate you are feeling this way. I've been behind in life since the day I was born and looked out at my friends & just watched them thrive as I stagnated.

Anxiety and Depression are like cancer. They never go away. They may go into remission for a little while, but they are always going to be there in the background no matter how great life gets.

When its not great....Oh boy. I don't need to tell you how hard it is to get through that slog.

Just know that people NEED you in their lives. Even in this little world of forums, you are beloved. Every banner, every grphic, the sports section.... You may be that ray of kindness that keeps someone else going. It seems very little and slight in comparison to what you think you see others doing, but its everything to one person.

Please know you are valued and loved. Hell, I LOVE you in the limited capacity I've had here. Just know that your current spot is not your final destination if you keep pushing forward. I swear.... Seriously.

Doom said:

I want to thank you all for thinking about me. I'm doing much better since took yesterday off from the forum to clear my head. I just hate to being in that point in life where nothing matters anymore. And yes, I do matter on this great forum. Whether it's designing graphics or running the Sports section, I take great pride in that. I want to keep fighting and stay positive mentally. I know it's difficult, but I can do it.

Click to expand...

I'm so glad you're doing better Doomy.

But I feel the need to correct you on something. You matter on a lot more than just this great forum. You matter. PERIOD. You're a good dude.

This breaks my heart, Doom.

You aren't failed, however. You're a guy going through a rough patch. It feels like the end of the world. I know.... I've got my set of mental health challenges that play with my emotional state too

I bet, that fight with your mom isn't so much about cooking. I think it's frustration and pain boiling over. You're ashamed, but I don't think it's something about you that youre ashamed of; I think you feel that weight in your brain and are frustrated you can't just shut it off. "Its all in my head" is a misnomer. What you're suffering from is NOT a choice you can make Doom. Its like a broken arm or cancer. You can't will it away, friend. Quit beating yourself up over it. You have got to find a therapist or counselor to help.man. I knows it hard and requires work, but I think you need it to get meaningful help and relief.

Doom said:

I once again want to apologize last night. Me and Mom got into an argument and then it escalated into us yelling at each other. She insist that I should move to my brother's house, because she overheard me wanting to stop cooking and other stuff, because I do it all the time. I thought to myself that I finally had enough. I've started down Hurricanes very fast, like 2-3 drinks a can. I didn't give a fuck anymore. On my last Hurricane, the rest of the Melantonin gummies I had, which was 11-12 or whatever, 5mg each, I took them all and keep taking big drinks of Hurricane, as I was trying to commit suicide. This morning I woke up and i was crying because I'm fucking miserable. I hate my life and I really want to end it because I failed as a human being, especially the shit that happened last night. Please forgive me.

Click to expand...

No one wants that man. Please try and get the help you need and find a positive way to move forward

I have come to terms that what I have had numerous unhealthy habits form in the past few months. Lack of sleep, an abysmal lack of an appetite, two days out of the week to catch up, and boom, back to work. I've been obsessed with time, how long can I sleep in, how many hours until I get out of work, the cycle repeats itself, shit, I worked two jobs, mostly two shifts for a few days in a row, and somehow I didn't go crazy than.

Straight up, not having a good time, but things get better, I'm home now, I have a job, my bills are paid, my birthday's this month, like bro, everything should be all right in the world, yet everything gets to me. I'm paranoid, and the kicker is NOTHING and NO ONE has caused me any harm outside of petty insults and drama. 2024's been full of pros and cons , but it could always be worse, and I'm thankful for what I have. Now I just need to kick myself in the ass with motivation to change things. I did lose weight this year, it hasn't been a priority for me in years, but walking to work everyday has helped me get the excercise. I understand that with patience, talking out what I feel, so like this post is spur of the moment, that I will feel better. I apologize for not being here, ignoring PMs, I'm just going through a rough time and have an overall lack of energy. I watched RAW last night for the first time in years, that's a start, so I'll try and be more consistent with that and just, y'know, actually be here. You guys are always easy to talk too. I appreciate the safe-space.

Doom said:

I once again want to apologize last night. Me and Mom got into an argument and then it escalated into us yelling at each other. She insist that I should move to my brother's house, because she overheard me wanting to stop cooking and other stuff, because I do it all the time. I thought to myself that I finally had enough. I've started down Hurricanes very fast, like 2-3 drinks a can. I didn't give a fuck anymore. On my last Hurricane, the rest of the Melantonin gummies I had, which was 11-12 or whatever, 5mg each, I took them all and keep taking big drinks of Hurricane, as I was trying to commit suicide. This morning I woke up and i was crying because I'm fucking miserable. I hate my life and I really want to end it because I failed as a human being, especially the shit that happened last night. Please forgive me.

Click to expand...

We've said hi once, twice on this site, but I want to yap for a second about my brother and my mother. First of all, I'm glad you're here, I'm glad that despite your own mind plotting against your body, you reached out to friends here. My younger brother is the closest family to me nowadays. We moved out in different ways, took different paths in life, I am beyond proud of him for not only working on a career, but I am appreciative that out of all of his friends, his cliques, his social clubs, he still picks me to hangout with all the time. I'm stubborn, I always want to do things MY way as a way to get back at my parents for what they cost us growing up.

I want to say something I genuinely believe in to this day; family is who you decide to be family. You and your life are not defined by any enviroment you live in, I lived with my step-father for months after promising I'd never go back. I felt nothing but shame and regret, it took me hours, weeks, months to get back to where I could live in a better space. WE as individuals choose what we do with our lives and choose who is in it, it took me so long to break out of the manipulative enviroment I grew up in to realize how big the world is and that I had free will. This life is worth living, I genuinely believe in you and I hope things get better.

Doom said:

I really do appreciate the heartfelt messages guys, I really do. Yes, life has been stressful for me. I know it's stressful for everyone else. Between me and my Mom, me and her are good. It was a horrible night that we've both experienced. It did reach a boiling point because all of the stress come crashing down at the same time, where nothing mattered anymore. The next day, I've cried 5-6 times and drank a good bit of alcohol, because I didn't care at the point. I was actually fortunate that I went to work the next day most of me intact. Since yesterday, I've been doing better. Had a couple good days at work, which at the same time, boring. I'm glad I had a good couple of days, because I really needed it, to rewire my mind in a positive manner.

I do need to see a therapist or a counselor. This is not the life I should be living at 39 years old. I hate drinking every night regretting my past and the things I've missed and feeling like shit. I should be living life normal and at the fullest. Hopefully I can get in and get the help I really need to finally live life at its fullest.

Click to expand...

I hope you can get the right therapist/counselor to help get you in the right direction. We support you.

Thinking of you Doom. I'm glad you and your mother have fixed things.

I know for me.....beer and liquor really hop on my weaknesses and make me more vunerable to my demons. I'm not saying NOT to drink, but alcohol is a depressant. Keep that in mind moving forward.

39 is young, dude. I joined the Army at 31... You may feel behind, but I can assure you are not. Just keep pushing forward.