I'm back (and better than ever)
These are reviews i've been doing for the last couple of years on another board, so i figured it was best to drop them here so i can keep reviewing wrestling's Rasputin.
NWA-TNA PPV#1
June 19th, 2002
Huntsville, Alabama
Don freaking West makes his way down the ramp and introduces his broadcast partners, Mike Tenay (meh) and Ed Ed Ferrara (Fuck off). Tenay speaks about how TNA is all about respecting the history of the NWA, and they will continue that tonight. He says the NWA Worlds title will be on the line in the Gauntlet for the Gold, a 20 man battle royal where the last two men will wrestle a singles match for the title tonight.
Borash introduces a host of legends, Harley Race, Dory Funk Jr, Jackie Fargo, Bob Armstrong, Corsica Joe & Sara Lee.. NWA vice president Bill Behrens also comes out, as does Ricky Steamboat with the NWA title. I just learnt it was meant to be Dan Severn defending the belt on the show, but he bailed so its vacant. Ricky does an awesome promo about what it means to be the champion of a chosen sport and how the NWA title is the pinnacle of this one. Some music hits and out walks Jeff Jarrett. He says the belt being on the line in a battle royal is a joke (way to sell the match, ya dope) Fargo gets pissy about Jeff stealing the strut, so he makes Jeff the #1 entrant. Totally fair. More music hits and Ken Shamrock strolls out with the awesome mutton chops. He says he agrees that the match is a joke, but he's in it to win it. Hey, fuck you too, I'm glad you get nuked by Tito. An actual awesome song starts playing and Wrestling's Real Outlaw, Scott Halls comes through the crowd. Hey, wouldn't you know it, he says the match is a joke as well. HOLY FUCK, GO SUCK 2 COLD'S DICK. He's in it as well. Jeff promises revenge before walking off to end this abortion.
Backstage:
He wants to have sex with Goldilocks. Also, he hates midgets and wants to kill them.
Vince Russo is booking, just in case you didn't notice.
Match#1 AJ Styles, Low Ki & Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvis' (Jorge Estrada, Sonny Siaki & Jimmy Yang.
How fitting that AJ is in the first match. This is really fun and sets the tone of what's to come with AJ and Ki being amazing and forcing everyone to up their stuff. Lynn does his tired ass routine, and it warms my heart to see him get smoked by the future (its also builds into a future feud, so it could be intentional. Or, Lynn is boring toolbox that never changed his stuff) Yang is the standout for his team as his partners are pretty dull. Tenay says the face trio will be in a round robin match next week to crown the first X-Division Champion. Match Escalates really well before shit breaks down as its tends to. Everyone goes nuts with big moves and gets time to shine. Ki accidentally murders AJ with a gross kick, and Yang hits his Corkscrew aka Yang Time to get the upset. Incredibly fitting that AJ eats the pin.
***
Teo vs Hollywood (Midget Match)
This is actually a ton of fun for the few minutes it goes. Teo is fast as hell and breaks out some cool stuff. Hollywood does some alright stuff of his own, but this is Teo's match. He takes with a Swanton
**1/4
There's a long segment building to a Lingerie Battle Royal next week that's being hosted by Ed and Don. It ends with a catfight between Francine and Elecktra after some SHOOTZ about the death of ECW.
Backstage, Goldilocks is with some nerdy dude named Mortimer Plumtree. He's taken his former bullies and made them a team called The Johnson's. They're here to take over
VINCE RUSSO WAS HERE.
Match#3 The Johnson's w/Plumtree vs James Storm & Psychosis
What a random team to be put on PPV. Even weirder for our cowboy James Storm to get his start here of all places, but I'll take it. This is mostly a shitty squash for the future Gymini, and i don't want to feel the need to bang on about it. One of them hits an awful TKO to win.
BRO
Backstage, Goldilocks meets the Dupps. Bo, Stan and Fluff. They're cousins and lovers. Also, Stan is the future Trevor Murdoch! Behrens walks over and says they aren't allowed to be drunk when wrestling.
Two NASCAR racers, Sterling Marlin & Hermie Sadler come out to the ring to promote their sport. I'd skip this, but K-KRUSH aka Ron Killings comes out to stop it. He says they're not real athletes and they should leave his ring before he makes them. Hermie dresses Truth down, and says how can he be an athlete looking the way he looks (oh no) Truth rightly goes to knock this fuckhead out cold, but Brian Christopher of all people makes the save. He challenges him to a match next week. Guess, Road Dogg was busy.
Backstage, Double J is choking the life out of Fargo! Refs and blackshirts pulls him off.
Match#4 The Dupps w/Fluff vs Christian York and Joey Matthews
I'd long forgotten this team were a thing, which is mean because they're pretty fun to watch. Dupps are solid as well, so this is a fun few minutes of action. Fluff causes a distraction and York gets pulled off the top rope and beaten for his troubles
**1/4
Toby Keith's music video is played
He then comes out to sing his song "Angry American". Double J eventually pushes him out of the way and some blackshirts stop Toby from trying to fight him.
Match#5 GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD (NWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP)
#1 is Jeff
#2 is Buff Bagwell
Random
They have a decent 40 seconds before Jeff throws him over and out.
#3 is Lash LaRoux
Very Random
Jeff beats the shit out of him for a few seconds before dropping him with the Stroke.
Lash is thrown out
#4 is Norman Smiley!
BIG WIGGLE
Jeff squashes him like an asshole and throws him out
Fuck you, Jeff
#5 is Gran Apolo
He's a big meathead that they try to push for a while before realising he sucks.
Jeff gets some decent stuff out of him, but nothing to write home about.
#6 is K-Krush
He's all fired up and helps make the match fun for a brief moment
#7 is Slash
Father James Mitchell is with him as his manager and leader of the Disciples of the New Church
He's pretty good, so TNA lets Apolo beat him up in crappy fashion.
Jeff finally cuts him off and the heels beat on him
#8 is Del Rios
The fans pop like crazy until they realise the ruse
Also,
LOLTNA
He sucks
#9 is Justice aka ABYSS
He throws some shoddy looking boots and looks really awkward.
BLACK HOLE SLAM ON FAKE SCOTTY
#10 is Konnan
Damn it
He cleans house with his rolling Lariat and blows himself up
"WELL, WELL, WELL"
Skinny Joel Gertner is here
He says he'll mess the sheets up, but first he's managing the Rainbow Express
Lenny and Bruce.
Lodi broke his neck, so this Bruce dude is taking his place
He's not very good of course
This sucks
#12 is Rick Steiner
Still dressed like WCW 99
Enjoy that, Simon
Poor unfortunate bastard
STEINERLINES
He suplexes Slash out
Steinerlines Justice out
#13 is MALICE
AKA THE WALL, BROTHER
HE CHOKESLAMS EVERYONE
Shitty Konnan sandbags on one, So Truth DIES on the next to make up for it
Love Truth so much
Bruce is out
Bye Truth
Fake Scotty is also thrown
FUCK YOU, KONNAN
He did a shitty half arsed bump over the top
Malice lowbridges Rick out
#14 is Scott Hall
He's got a big ol gut
Good punches, though
Scott/Jeff fight as that's the big feud, and while it not great, its fine
#15 is TOBY KEITH
He does an awesome suplex on Jeff, then he and Scott throw him over
Good angle
The faces beat the shit out of Malice
His bumping rules
#16 is Chris Harris
Fuck Yeah
He's ALL fired up
Looks like a breakout star
Vampire Warrior jumps the gun and runs in and beats up Harris
You can see TNA blew their load on their big names and now we're stuck with old losers
#18 is CROWBAR
Big pop
He looks rusty, but he'll get it back
Harris is the best man in the match
Malice is second
#19 is Steve Corino!!!!
He's in his prime and is PERFECT for the NWA
So this is of course the only time he shows up in 02 because he hated Russo, and he won't be back for a year.
He keeps the fun going with his sheer awesomeness
#20 is Shamrock
He throws kicks and KO's everyone
He tries it with Malice but he gets dropped like a sack of shit
HELL YEAH
Turns out i fucked the count as Brian Christopher is the last man
My bad
He dumps Harris, Warrior and Crowbar in quick fashion
booooooooo
He gets rid of Corino next
Fuck
BUT MALICE KILLS HIM WITH THE CHOKESLAM
MALICE RULES
Shamrock throws Brian out
FINAL FOUR
MALICE, Shamrock, Hall and Apolo
Apolo gets back droped out by Malice
He then counters the Edge and backdrops Hall out and he takes a header into the mat
WE ARE DOWN TO TWO
**1/2
Match#6 MALICE W/ Father James Mitchell vs Ken Shamrock (NWA World Heavyweight Championship-Rick Steamboat as Guest Referee)
Might as well count this as its own match considering what's on the line, and Ricky being the ref.Plus, JB does the intros. So, its another match. Super fun 5 minutes and the start of a cool feud. MALICE kicks the fuck out of him in awesome fashion, and Ken rules from fighting from underneath. Ken is the first man to counter the chokeslam with a killer armbar. Lots of drama as MALICE uses brute strength to slowly drag Ken to the ropes. He sells the arm as he fights back, but its a red herring as Ken catches a boot into the Ankle Lock! MALICE reaches the ropes but that crooked Ricky lets Ken pull him back and keep the hold on. He gets the ropes again and Ken refuses to let it go despite the 5 count, and Ricky still won't DQ him. BULLSHIT. He finally lets it go, but MALICE is fucked up. His selling rules again, and he evens smiles at a point. He goozlees this cheating fuck, but Ken breaks free and hits a gross Belly to Belly to win the belt
***
MALICE is now the top face, and Ken and Ricky can suck a dick
Ed likens this win to an "R" word winning the special Olympics. FUCK OFF, YOU CUNT
Of course this doesn't end the night. No, we get Jeff, Toby and Fargo yelling at each backstage. Jeff comes out to the ring and bitches again about the title match. He screams at Harley, B.A and Dory about how they never had to win the belt like this. He drops Bullet with a punch, before Toby and Fargo run out and make Jeff vs Scott for next week. Jeff and Scott fight to end this.
These are reviews i've been doing for the last couple of years on another board, so i figured it was best to drop them here so i can keep reviewing wrestling's Rasputin.
NWA-TNA PPV#1
June 19th, 2002
Huntsville, Alabama
Don freaking West makes his way down the ramp and introduces his broadcast partners, Mike Tenay (meh) and Ed Ed Ferrara (Fuck off). Tenay speaks about how TNA is all about respecting the history of the NWA, and they will continue that tonight. He says the NWA Worlds title will be on the line in the Gauntlet for the Gold, a 20 man battle royal where the last two men will wrestle a singles match for the title tonight.
Borash introduces a host of legends, Harley Race, Dory Funk Jr, Jackie Fargo, Bob Armstrong, Corsica Joe & Sara Lee.. NWA vice president Bill Behrens also comes out, as does Ricky Steamboat with the NWA title. I just learnt it was meant to be Dan Severn defending the belt on the show, but he bailed so its vacant. Ricky does an awesome promo about what it means to be the champion of a chosen sport and how the NWA title is the pinnacle of this one. Some music hits and out walks Jeff Jarrett. He says the belt being on the line in a battle royal is a joke (way to sell the match, ya dope) Fargo gets pissy about Jeff stealing the strut, so he makes Jeff the #1 entrant. Totally fair. More music hits and Ken Shamrock strolls out with the awesome mutton chops. He says he agrees that the match is a joke, but he's in it to win it. Hey, fuck you too, I'm glad you get nuked by Tito. An actual awesome song starts playing and Wrestling's Real Outlaw, Scott Halls comes through the crowd. Hey, wouldn't you know it, he says the match is a joke as well. HOLY FUCK, GO SUCK 2 COLD'S DICK. He's in it as well. Jeff promises revenge before walking off to end this abortion.
Backstage:
He wants to have sex with Goldilocks. Also, he hates midgets and wants to kill them.
Vince Russo is booking, just in case you didn't notice.
Match#1 AJ Styles, Low Ki & Jerry Lynn vs The Flying Elvis' (Jorge Estrada, Sonny Siaki & Jimmy Yang.
How fitting that AJ is in the first match. This is really fun and sets the tone of what's to come with AJ and Ki being amazing and forcing everyone to up their stuff. Lynn does his tired ass routine, and it warms my heart to see him get smoked by the future (its also builds into a future feud, so it could be intentional. Or, Lynn is boring toolbox that never changed his stuff) Yang is the standout for his team as his partners are pretty dull. Tenay says the face trio will be in a round robin match next week to crown the first X-Division Champion. Match Escalates really well before shit breaks down as its tends to. Everyone goes nuts with big moves and gets time to shine. Ki accidentally murders AJ with a gross kick, and Yang hits his Corkscrew aka Yang Time to get the upset. Incredibly fitting that AJ eats the pin.
***
Teo vs Hollywood (Midget Match)
This is actually a ton of fun for the few minutes it goes. Teo is fast as hell and breaks out some cool stuff. Hollywood does some alright stuff of his own, but this is Teo's match. He takes with a Swanton
**1/4
There's a long segment building to a Lingerie Battle Royal next week that's being hosted by Ed and Don. It ends with a catfight between Francine and Elecktra after some SHOOTZ about the death of ECW.
Backstage, Goldilocks is with some nerdy dude named Mortimer Plumtree. He's taken his former bullies and made them a team called The Johnson's. They're here to take over
VINCE RUSSO WAS HERE.
Match#3 The Johnson's w/Plumtree vs James Storm & Psychosis
What a random team to be put on PPV. Even weirder for our cowboy James Storm to get his start here of all places, but I'll take it. This is mostly a shitty squash for the future Gymini, and i don't want to feel the need to bang on about it. One of them hits an awful TKO to win.
BRO
Backstage, Goldilocks meets the Dupps. Bo, Stan and Fluff. They're cousins and lovers. Also, Stan is the future Trevor Murdoch! Behrens walks over and says they aren't allowed to be drunk when wrestling.
Two NASCAR racers, Sterling Marlin & Hermie Sadler come out to the ring to promote their sport. I'd skip this, but K-KRUSH aka Ron Killings comes out to stop it. He says they're not real athletes and they should leave his ring before he makes them. Hermie dresses Truth down, and says how can he be an athlete looking the way he looks (oh no) Truth rightly goes to knock this fuckhead out cold, but Brian Christopher of all people makes the save. He challenges him to a match next week. Guess, Road Dogg was busy.
Backstage, Double J is choking the life out of Fargo! Refs and blackshirts pulls him off.
Match#4 The Dupps w/Fluff vs Christian York and Joey Matthews
I'd long forgotten this team were a thing, which is mean because they're pretty fun to watch. Dupps are solid as well, so this is a fun few minutes of action. Fluff causes a distraction and York gets pulled off the top rope and beaten for his troubles
**1/4
Toby Keith's music video is played
He then comes out to sing his song "Angry American". Double J eventually pushes him out of the way and some blackshirts stop Toby from trying to fight him.
Match#5 GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD (NWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP)
#1 is Jeff
#2 is Buff Bagwell
Random
They have a decent 40 seconds before Jeff throws him over and out.
#3 is Lash LaRoux
Very Random
Jeff beats the shit out of him for a few seconds before dropping him with the Stroke.
Lash is thrown out
#4 is Norman Smiley!
BIG WIGGLE
Jeff squashes him like an asshole and throws him out
Fuck you, Jeff
#5 is Gran Apolo
He's a big meathead that they try to push for a while before realising he sucks.
Jeff gets some decent stuff out of him, but nothing to write home about.
#6 is K-Krush
He's all fired up and helps make the match fun for a brief moment
#7 is Slash
Father James Mitchell is with him as his manager and leader of the Disciples of the New Church
He's pretty good, so TNA lets Apolo beat him up in crappy fashion.
Jeff finally cuts him off and the heels beat on him
#8 is Del Rios
The fans pop like crazy until they realise the ruse
Also,
LOLTNA
He sucks
#9 is Justice aka ABYSS
He throws some shoddy looking boots and looks really awkward.
BLACK HOLE SLAM ON FAKE SCOTTY
#10 is Konnan
Damn it
He cleans house with his rolling Lariat and blows himself up
"WELL, WELL, WELL"
Skinny Joel Gertner is here
He says he'll mess the sheets up, but first he's managing the Rainbow Express
Lenny and Bruce.
Lodi broke his neck, so this Bruce dude is taking his place
He's not very good of course
This sucks
#12 is Rick Steiner
Still dressed like WCW 99
Enjoy that, Simon
Poor unfortunate bastard
STEINERLINES
He suplexes Slash out
Steinerlines Justice out
#13 is MALICE
AKA THE WALL, BROTHER
HE CHOKESLAMS EVERYONE
Shitty Konnan sandbags on one, So Truth DIES on the next to make up for it
Love Truth so much
Bruce is out
Bye Truth
Fake Scotty is also thrown
FUCK YOU, KONNAN
He did a shitty half arsed bump over the top
Malice lowbridges Rick out
#14 is Scott Hall
He's got a big ol gut
Good punches, though
Scott/Jeff fight as that's the big feud, and while it not great, its fine
#15 is TOBY KEITH
He does an awesome suplex on Jeff, then he and Scott throw him over
Good angle
The faces beat the shit out of Malice
His bumping rules
#16 is Chris Harris
Fuck Yeah
He's ALL fired up
Looks like a breakout star
Vampire Warrior jumps the gun and runs in and beats up Harris
You can see TNA blew their load on their big names and now we're stuck with old losers
#18 is CROWBAR
Big pop
He looks rusty, but he'll get it back
Harris is the best man in the match
Malice is second
#19 is Steve Corino!!!!
He's in his prime and is PERFECT for the NWA
So this is of course the only time he shows up in 02 because he hated Russo, and he won't be back for a year.
He keeps the fun going with his sheer awesomeness
#20 is Shamrock
He throws kicks and KO's everyone
He tries it with Malice but he gets dropped like a sack of shit
HELL YEAH
Turns out i fucked the count as Brian Christopher is the last man
My bad
He dumps Harris, Warrior and Crowbar in quick fashion
booooooooo
He gets rid of Corino next
Fuck
BUT MALICE KILLS HIM WITH THE CHOKESLAM
MALICE RULES
Shamrock throws Brian out
FINAL FOUR
MALICE, Shamrock, Hall and Apolo
Apolo gets back droped out by Malice
He then counters the Edge and backdrops Hall out and he takes a header into the mat
WE ARE DOWN TO TWO
**1/2
Match#6 MALICE W/ Father James Mitchell vs Ken Shamrock (NWA World Heavyweight Championship-Rick Steamboat as Guest Referee)
Might as well count this as its own match considering what's on the line, and Ricky being the ref.Plus, JB does the intros. So, its another match. Super fun 5 minutes and the start of a cool feud. MALICE kicks the fuck out of him in awesome fashion, and Ken rules from fighting from underneath. Ken is the first man to counter the chokeslam with a killer armbar. Lots of drama as MALICE uses brute strength to slowly drag Ken to the ropes. He sells the arm as he fights back, but its a red herring as Ken catches a boot into the Ankle Lock! MALICE reaches the ropes but that crooked Ricky lets Ken pull him back and keep the hold on. He gets the ropes again and Ken refuses to let it go despite the 5 count, and Ricky still won't DQ him. BULLSHIT. He finally lets it go, but MALICE is fucked up. His selling rules again, and he evens smiles at a point. He goozlees this cheating fuck, but Ken breaks free and hits a gross Belly to Belly to win the belt
***
MALICE is now the top face, and Ken and Ricky can suck a dick
Ed likens this win to an "R" word winning the special Olympics. FUCK OFF, YOU CUNT
Of course this doesn't end the night. No, we get Jeff, Toby and Fargo yelling at each backstage. Jeff comes out to the ring and bitches again about the title match. He screams at Harley, B.A and Dory about how they never had to win the belt like this. He drops Bullet with a punch, before Toby and Fargo run out and make Jeff vs Scott for next week. Jeff and Scott fight to end this.