UWF: THE RUNDOWN
1/13/14 EDITION
WHOEVER STOLE KEVIN STEEN CAN SUCK A FISH
#1 MATT MORGAN
While the achievements or downfalls of the previous week mean absolutely nothing in the current edition of THE RUNDOWN, its no doubt worth noting that Matt Morgan is the first man in over 30 years to hold the distinction of being at the top of the list for two weeks in a row. A win over the United States / Television champion King Booker and a prophetic boot to the face of the new number one contendor to his title(s), MVP, firmly places Morgan in first. He is also probably the tallest guy on the roster.
#2 MVP
Just casue he ate a foot the hardway doesn't mean MVP didn't earn himself a big ol' win over Sting and a shot at Morgan's title to boot (get it? Its funny.) - to be contested at the Royal Rumble in the not so distant future. Mr. 305 (Pitbull?) hasn't been able to get the best of Morgan yet, will 2014 finally be his year (exlcuding this subpar first week)?
#3 CHRISTIAN & KANE
Though not a regular tag team, these vets hooked up to pull off a big win in Raw's main event this week. The odd couple dispatched of their Starcade opponents – Ted DiBiase Jr. and Eddie Guerrero. Christian will likely be a major factor in the upcoming Royal Rumble match, while The Big Red Machine will face some Latino Heat at the same pay-per-view. In the mean time, however, he will have his hands full with the number one contendor to the World Heavyweight Championship, Tyson Kidd, in Raw's main event next week (tomorrow night).
#4 PRINCE DEVITT
THE RUNDOWN staff may have no clue who the heck this guy is or how many dudes there actually are in his possee, but we do know that he won the best Smackdown match of the year so far in his debut against former Hardcore champ, Mr. Kennedy. The future looks bright for this young star, who as far as we can tell, is the leader of a faction that fancies itself as a nu-metal revival act. Devitt will face Shark Boy on Smackdown next week, in what will hopefully be an “Undersea Death Beast Leviathan Pit Blood Match”. Book that shit.
Speaking of, THE RUNDOWN has noticed that Velocity seems to be MIA, and would like to volunteer itself to the booking / writing team of the programme, so long as matches such as that recently mentioned would be accepted.
#5 FANDANGO (and sorta EC3... or whatever...)
This hapless birdie pulled off a win over one of his ilk on Smackdown. Before this, however he and his homeboy EC3 totally destroyed the recently crowned challengers for their tag titles, the T.I.O.C. As creative as a disco ball and a portrait may be, its really only a matter time before they drop their belts to the duo many are calling “the future of UWF hardcore” and “the coolest most rad-ass team ever”.
#6 BRAY WYATT & DAMIEN SANDOW
A team that some would say is eerily remeniscent of “the restricted section” of the library in Hogwarts (for reasons that should be as obvious as they are baffling), proved a more cohessive unit than the co-European champions on Raw this week. Their alliance will likely be short-lived, however, as Rumble spots are no doubt inevitable for both superstars.
#7 DEAN AMBROSE
Ambrose went up againt Rey Mysterio on Raw, and scored the victory after interference from his homies in the SHIELD – or are they his homies? Only time will tell. Time and his lips. Those lips. And speaking of time, have you seen Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared Part 2 yet? Check it out on the youtube! For reals though, does Ambrose even need SHIELD? Or is this legend in the UWF well enough alone? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#8 AJ STYLES
The hardcore champion defeated one his Starcade opponents, Chris Masters, on Smackdown this week in an impressive showing. He will also get a chance to redeem the beatdown he took at the pay-per-view when he defends his title against Mr. Kennedy on next week's show. Dirtsheet rumor has it that Styles may be considering getting a haircut in the near future also. This could be the most significant ear-lowering since Justin Biebers! Is Styles' hair fine the way it is, or is it time for a change? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#9 THE SHIELD
Raw's rambunctious rascals Rollins and Regins retired The Belfast Barrage via spear, and that sure was something. After that, however, they went to great lengths to make their man crush on Dean Ambrose by delivering a very high-school clingy promo and then helping him win his match against Mysterio. Next week (tomorrow night), they will face some Mexican Superheroes for a shot at the Dudley's tag titles. In the mean time, however, we have the future of The SHIELD to ponder. Do THE SHIELD even need Ambrose? Or is this newly formed duo in the UWF well enough alone (together, that is)? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#10 TEST
Holy fuck is it creepy writing about dead people. Nevertheless, Test defeated Drew McIntyre to get in a number one contendor match against Sheamus for Hogan's Transatlantic title. Is it still called that? Holy smokes. Is it time for the Transatlantic Championship to get a new name, or is it just fine the way it is? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#11 JOHN DUNCAN CENA
The Cena / Batista feud finally culminated in a mid-card match on Raw, with Cena picking up a submission victory to earn the first spot in the Rumble. I don't know if that means he gets first entry, or he's just the first guy to get an entry spot (note the difference). Good for you John Cena. You go John Cena.
----------
FRANK MIR'S MATCH OF THE WEEK:
----------
Prince Devitt vs. Mr. Kennedy – UWF Smackdown
Wrtten by Natlav
----------
UPCOMING SHOWS:
---------
RAW 1/14/14:
“The Battle for Seattle”:
Tyson Kidd vs. Kane
Non-Title Champion vs. Champion:
UWF Tag Team Champion Bubba Ray vs. Transatlantic Champion Hulk Hogan
#1 Contender to the Tag Team Championships:
The Shield vs. LAX
#1 Contender to the Transatlantic Championship:
Test vs. Sheamus
SMACKDOWN 1/18/14:
Hardcore Championship Match:
AJ Styles (c) vs. Mr. Kennedy
Of Acronyms and Rhodes Brothers:
T.I.O.C. and Goldust vs. M.D.D.D. and Cody Rhodes
Undersea Death Beast Leviathan Pit Blood Match:
Prince Devitt vs. Shark Boy
Fuck Whoever Stole Steen Match:
Kevin Steen vs. Mark Henry vs. Chris Sabin
UWF: ROYAL RUMBLE 2014:
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
(Participants to be named next week)
World Heavyweight Championship - Special Guest Referee: HHH
Shawn Michaels (c) vs. Tyson Kidd
Global Championship - Chairs Match
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Kane
UWF Championship
Matt Morgan(c) vs. MVP
Street Fight
Cody Rhodes vs. Goldust
----------
HODGEPODGERY:
----------
Chillin' with Chase:
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/chillin-with-chase-official-thread.68223/page-31
HOLY SHIT VITA CAME BACK AND ITS LIKE NONE OF YOU EVEN NOTICED! Also, CliqueClacks (my favourite) and Chase had themselves had a great little chat. YOU COULD BE NEXT!
THE WALK(?):
Stay tuned for this noise!
Josh Barnett is going to be the Urijah Faber of 2014:
http://www.mmafighting.com/2014/1/1...nes-12-step-program-to-return-to-ufc-fighting
----------
CELEBRITY QUESTION OF THE WEEK
----------
This week on THE RUNDOWN's Celebrity Question of the Week, we are very fortunate to have Spice Girl member and star of Spice World, Geri Halliwell, also known as GINGER SPICE!
Ginger Spice: 'Ello everyone! As you no doubt know, I'm Ginger Spice and I am soooooo excited to be here on THE RUNDOWN! Let's get started then! Joining me today are new UWF superstars and members of The Bullet Club, The Real Rock N' Rolla and Machine Gun! Eeeeek! We all have nicknames! Fab!
Ginger Spice: Question one - in your opinion, what is the sadder place in the world, Africa or Zellers?
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"Which place is the saddest out of Africa and Zellers? How the hell would I know? Bullet Club likes to have a good time and we don't go to either of those places. You know where the saddest place on Earth is? Ken Kennedy's locker room last week when I kicked that son of a bitches ass. Did everyone see that? When I gouged his fuckin' eye out with a table. This is true, when I got to the back I looked around and I saw him crying, that didn't stop Bullet Club from having a good time though, we went back to our club house and had some beers while Kennedy may as well have been in Africa or Zellers, that sad son of a bitch. Next question!"
Ginger Spice: Alright then, fiesty are we? My next question is this - what color would you describe as the most definitive for your personality and why? Furthermore, what smell and taste do you most associate with that color and, consequently, your self?
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"AYE! Machine Gun! Answer this question! What color describes me and what would I taste li-...wait a minute what the fuck do you take me for?"
Machine Gun
"Who do you think you're talking to? We're kind enough to invite you into our clubhouse and these are the kind of questions you ask?! The color? Red! Did you see Kennedy's blood stain that mat last week? For part two, if you keep up with these questions then you might end up tasting some of Bullet Club a little bit later."
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"Well with this broad, maybe after a few more drinks!"
Ginger Spice: Moving along then... Do you believe endangered species should have rights? I believe they should have the right to vote. Why, in your opinion, are endangered species not allowed to vote in our modern society?
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"FALE! Where's Fale at? Get over here, this broad's killing our vibe, we're trying to have fun! Celebrating me kicking Kennedy's ass and celebrating the ass kicking I'm going to give to Shark Boy. Fale! Show Ginger Spice how REALLLLLL Bullet Club is!"
Ginger Spice only sees Fale after its too late. Now maybe a bottle was smashed over her head and she bled out on set. Maybe they locked eyes, fell in love instantly and eloped to Reno, like Mother and Father Fauche. Who can say? You'll have to tune in to this week's UWF programming to know the truth.
----------
Thanks to CliqueClacks for volunteering and the rest of you for just being yourselves. You're all so wonderful. This week's edition introduces Frank Mir's Match Of The Week, because I love Frank Mir, and Frank Mir no doubt loves a great match. Seemed obvious this week, who knows what it will be next week! My money is on the hardcore title match. That steez is hella tight. Frank Mir, like me, puts very little coherrant effort into this stuff, so enjoy it or, ya know, go for a walk (with Cwalker!) You're not taking any of this in the spirit it's offered if you're thinking about it very much, after all. Suggestions, comments, shameless praise or vicious criticisms can either be left below or pm'd to rey. Stay true to your routes, never let them see you bleed.
- Love Fauche
1/13/14 EDITION
WHOEVER STOLE KEVIN STEEN CAN SUCK A FISH
#1 MATT MORGAN
While the achievements or downfalls of the previous week mean absolutely nothing in the current edition of THE RUNDOWN, its no doubt worth noting that Matt Morgan is the first man in over 30 years to hold the distinction of being at the top of the list for two weeks in a row. A win over the United States / Television champion King Booker and a prophetic boot to the face of the new number one contendor to his title(s), MVP, firmly places Morgan in first. He is also probably the tallest guy on the roster.
#2 MVP
Just casue he ate a foot the hardway doesn't mean MVP didn't earn himself a big ol' win over Sting and a shot at Morgan's title to boot (get it? Its funny.) - to be contested at the Royal Rumble in the not so distant future. Mr. 305 (Pitbull?) hasn't been able to get the best of Morgan yet, will 2014 finally be his year (exlcuding this subpar first week)?
#3 CHRISTIAN & KANE
Though not a regular tag team, these vets hooked up to pull off a big win in Raw's main event this week. The odd couple dispatched of their Starcade opponents – Ted DiBiase Jr. and Eddie Guerrero. Christian will likely be a major factor in the upcoming Royal Rumble match, while The Big Red Machine will face some Latino Heat at the same pay-per-view. In the mean time, however, he will have his hands full with the number one contendor to the World Heavyweight Championship, Tyson Kidd, in Raw's main event next week (tomorrow night).
#4 PRINCE DEVITT
THE RUNDOWN staff may have no clue who the heck this guy is or how many dudes there actually are in his possee, but we do know that he won the best Smackdown match of the year so far in his debut against former Hardcore champ, Mr. Kennedy. The future looks bright for this young star, who as far as we can tell, is the leader of a faction that fancies itself as a nu-metal revival act. Devitt will face Shark Boy on Smackdown next week, in what will hopefully be an “Undersea Death Beast Leviathan Pit Blood Match”. Book that shit.
Speaking of, THE RUNDOWN has noticed that Velocity seems to be MIA, and would like to volunteer itself to the booking / writing team of the programme, so long as matches such as that recently mentioned would be accepted.
#5 FANDANGO (and sorta EC3... or whatever...)
This hapless birdie pulled off a win over one of his ilk on Smackdown. Before this, however he and his homeboy EC3 totally destroyed the recently crowned challengers for their tag titles, the T.I.O.C. As creative as a disco ball and a portrait may be, its really only a matter time before they drop their belts to the duo many are calling “the future of UWF hardcore” and “the coolest most rad-ass team ever”.
#6 BRAY WYATT & DAMIEN SANDOW
A team that some would say is eerily remeniscent of “the restricted section” of the library in Hogwarts (for reasons that should be as obvious as they are baffling), proved a more cohessive unit than the co-European champions on Raw this week. Their alliance will likely be short-lived, however, as Rumble spots are no doubt inevitable for both superstars.
#7 DEAN AMBROSE
Ambrose went up againt Rey Mysterio on Raw, and scored the victory after interference from his homies in the SHIELD – or are they his homies? Only time will tell. Time and his lips. Those lips. And speaking of time, have you seen Don't Hug Me, I'm Scared Part 2 yet? Check it out on the youtube! For reals though, does Ambrose even need SHIELD? Or is this legend in the UWF well enough alone? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#8 AJ STYLES
The hardcore champion defeated one his Starcade opponents, Chris Masters, on Smackdown this week in an impressive showing. He will also get a chance to redeem the beatdown he took at the pay-per-view when he defends his title against Mr. Kennedy on next week's show. Dirtsheet rumor has it that Styles may be considering getting a haircut in the near future also. This could be the most significant ear-lowering since Justin Biebers! Is Styles' hair fine the way it is, or is it time for a change? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#9 THE SHIELD
Raw's rambunctious rascals Rollins and Regins retired The Belfast Barrage via spear, and that sure was something. After that, however, they went to great lengths to make their man crush on Dean Ambrose by delivering a very high-school clingy promo and then helping him win his match against Mysterio. Next week (tomorrow night), they will face some Mexican Superheroes for a shot at the Dudley's tag titles. In the mean time, however, we have the future of The SHIELD to ponder. Do THE SHIELD even need Ambrose? Or is this newly formed duo in the UWF well enough alone (together, that is)? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#10 TEST
Holy fuck is it creepy writing about dead people. Nevertheless, Test defeated Drew McIntyre to get in a number one contendor match against Sheamus for Hogan's Transatlantic title. Is it still called that? Holy smokes. Is it time for the Transatlantic Championship to get a new name, or is it just fine the way it is? Send long-winded speculations and analysis on this to rawisrey via pm, as he is currently writing an essay on the topic and would appreciate the help.
#11 JOHN DUNCAN CENA
The Cena / Batista feud finally culminated in a mid-card match on Raw, with Cena picking up a submission victory to earn the first spot in the Rumble. I don't know if that means he gets first entry, or he's just the first guy to get an entry spot (note the difference). Good for you John Cena. You go John Cena.
----------
FRANK MIR'S MATCH OF THE WEEK:
----------
Prince Devitt vs. Mr. Kennedy – UWF Smackdown
Wrtten by Natlav
----------
UPCOMING SHOWS:
---------
RAW 1/14/14:
“The Battle for Seattle”:
Tyson Kidd vs. Kane
Non-Title Champion vs. Champion:
UWF Tag Team Champion Bubba Ray vs. Transatlantic Champion Hulk Hogan
#1 Contender to the Tag Team Championships:
The Shield vs. LAX
#1 Contender to the Transatlantic Championship:
Test vs. Sheamus
SMACKDOWN 1/18/14:
Hardcore Championship Match:
AJ Styles (c) vs. Mr. Kennedy
Of Acronyms and Rhodes Brothers:
T.I.O.C. and Goldust vs. M.D.D.D. and Cody Rhodes
Undersea Death Beast Leviathan Pit Blood Match:
Prince Devitt vs. Shark Boy
Fuck Whoever Stole Steen Match:
Kevin Steen vs. Mark Henry vs. Chris Sabin
UWF: ROYAL RUMBLE 2014:
30 Man Royal Rumble Match
(Participants to be named next week)
World Heavyweight Championship - Special Guest Referee: HHH
Shawn Michaels (c) vs. Tyson Kidd
Global Championship - Chairs Match
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Kane
UWF Championship
Matt Morgan(c) vs. MVP
Street Fight
Cody Rhodes vs. Goldust
----------
HODGEPODGERY:
----------
Chillin' with Chase:
http://wrestlingsmarks.com/threads/chillin-with-chase-official-thread.68223/page-31
HOLY SHIT VITA CAME BACK AND ITS LIKE NONE OF YOU EVEN NOTICED! Also, CliqueClacks (my favourite) and Chase had themselves had a great little chat. YOU COULD BE NEXT!
THE WALK(?):
Stay tuned for this noise!
Josh Barnett is going to be the Urijah Faber of 2014:
http://www.mmafighting.com/2014/1/1...nes-12-step-program-to-return-to-ufc-fighting
----------
CELEBRITY QUESTION OF THE WEEK
----------
This week on THE RUNDOWN's Celebrity Question of the Week, we are very fortunate to have Spice Girl member and star of Spice World, Geri Halliwell, also known as GINGER SPICE!
Ginger Spice: 'Ello everyone! As you no doubt know, I'm Ginger Spice and I am soooooo excited to be here on THE RUNDOWN! Let's get started then! Joining me today are new UWF superstars and members of The Bullet Club, The Real Rock N' Rolla and Machine Gun! Eeeeek! We all have nicknames! Fab!
Ginger Spice: Question one - in your opinion, what is the sadder place in the world, Africa or Zellers?
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"Which place is the saddest out of Africa and Zellers? How the hell would I know? Bullet Club likes to have a good time and we don't go to either of those places. You know where the saddest place on Earth is? Ken Kennedy's locker room last week when I kicked that son of a bitches ass. Did everyone see that? When I gouged his fuckin' eye out with a table. This is true, when I got to the back I looked around and I saw him crying, that didn't stop Bullet Club from having a good time though, we went back to our club house and had some beers while Kennedy may as well have been in Africa or Zellers, that sad son of a bitch. Next question!"
Ginger Spice: Alright then, fiesty are we? My next question is this - what color would you describe as the most definitive for your personality and why? Furthermore, what smell and taste do you most associate with that color and, consequently, your self?
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"AYE! Machine Gun! Answer this question! What color describes me and what would I taste li-...wait a minute what the fuck do you take me for?"
Machine Gun
"Who do you think you're talking to? We're kind enough to invite you into our clubhouse and these are the kind of questions you ask?! The color? Red! Did you see Kennedy's blood stain that mat last week? For part two, if you keep up with these questions then you might end up tasting some of Bullet Club a little bit later."
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"Well with this broad, maybe after a few more drinks!"
Ginger Spice: Moving along then... Do you believe endangered species should have rights? I believe they should have the right to vote. Why, in your opinion, are endangered species not allowed to vote in our modern society?
Real Rock 'N Rolla
"FALE! Where's Fale at? Get over here, this broad's killing our vibe, we're trying to have fun! Celebrating me kicking Kennedy's ass and celebrating the ass kicking I'm going to give to Shark Boy. Fale! Show Ginger Spice how REALLLLLL Bullet Club is!"
Ginger Spice only sees Fale after its too late. Now maybe a bottle was smashed over her head and she bled out on set. Maybe they locked eyes, fell in love instantly and eloped to Reno, like Mother and Father Fauche. Who can say? You'll have to tune in to this week's UWF programming to know the truth.
----------
Thanks to CliqueClacks for volunteering and the rest of you for just being yourselves. You're all so wonderful. This week's edition introduces Frank Mir's Match Of The Week, because I love Frank Mir, and Frank Mir no doubt loves a great match. Seemed obvious this week, who knows what it will be next week! My money is on the hardcore title match. That steez is hella tight. Frank Mir, like me, puts very little coherrant effort into this stuff, so enjoy it or, ya know, go for a walk (with Cwalker!) You're not taking any of this in the spirit it's offered if you're thinking about it very much, after all. Suggestions, comments, shameless praise or vicious criticisms can either be left below or pm'd to rey. Stay true to your routes, never let them see you bleed.
- Love Fauche
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