UWF 2014 Royal Rumble Trashtalking

[CaptainxBumout]

Ambrose has had it and puts his palm right in his face.

Alright alright I’ve heard enough.

Ambrose stands up straight again and looks in the ring at no one in particular.

Enough of the lies, enough of the catchphrases, enough of all the false promises. 30 Men have all vowed to win this thing and 29 of them are lying. It’s been documented that every thing I say I’m going to do, it ends up being done. I’ve never been a part of a Royal Rumble but if all I have to do is go through these grown men trying to cover up how weak they really are, then I’ll come out of this whole thing just fine.

The crowd is on Ambrose's side as he looks at John Cena.

Well look who decided to join us. If I knew all I had to do to get you out here was call your name, I would have done it a long time ago. Oh and trust me John, I can see you just fine. I've been able to see you since day one. You're not evil at heart. Your jealousy and spite is what made you turn on me in the first place but I could see just how much you longed to be back. You regretted what you did to me and rightfully so. You'd gone too far to resort back to your old self but after some much needed time away, it appears you've come back as you've always wanted. Don't get me wrong John, I still don't like you. As a matter of fact, I don't think I'm done playing with you. I'm not going to go out of my way to make your life a living hell but when we step across that ring from one another, I'm going to do everything I can to beat the living hell out of you. Double crossing me was the worst mistake of your life and I'll make sure you never forget it. Know that what I'm about to do to you John is a message. A message to the rest of you standing in that ring or hiding away in the back. This is what happens when you cross Dean Ambrose.

Ambrose turns his attention to Steve Borden.

Aww poor Steve. What's wrong Stinger? You weren't ready for a bit of a reality check? What'd you expect after you came out here ranting about things no one cares about. To learn just how little everyone cares for you, it must be heartbreaking

There are many differences between you and I Steve, a big one being just how we have become successful in this company. You claim I was shoved down people's throats? Yeah because I made people take notice. Sorry if I didn't sit around and wait for opportunities to be handed to me like the rest of these people. I didn’t flounder around with Samoa Joe doing nothing until I was given the leadership of a brand to make me a star. No I grabbed everyone’s attention from the second I came here. People were talking about Dean Ambrose long before I won a World Heavyweight Championship and for good reason. I don't think I heard too many people talking about Sting however or even Steve now. You keep bringing up these backstage politics like I have something to do with YES besides their ending. I've never sat in on creative meetings or made decisions like you. No I've just gone out every night and proved why I'm better than the likes of you and it just eats you up inside. Maybe if you were a bit more compelling you wouldn't have overstayed your welcome. Not that you were ever welcomed that is.

The crowd is behind Ambrose in his tirade against Sting but they may soon turn against him.

Daniel Bryan. Looks like I’m not the only one Sting hates. He’s convinced about all these conspiracies but Daniel Bryan doesn’t conspire anymore does he? No you've evolved is that what you said Daniel? You think breaking free from YES somehow magically granted you this newfound inner strength? No the truth is all my beatings slapped some sense into you. I toughened you up. You've never faced anyone else like me and so now it's made you better. The thing is though, unlike you, I don't need to evolve. I'm just as vicious and deadly as I was day one. No would could touch me from the moment I signed the contract till this very moment right now. What you see is what you get and you of all people Bryan should know exactly what you get when you try and pretend to be better than me. The same can be said for your old friend Damien Sandow.

Ambrose turns his attention to Sandow.

Ya’ know, you and I have different meanings of the phrase one on one. You’re right, you did beat me once, but I believe Daniel here and Bray Wyatt had interfered numerous times on your behalf. And in case you forgot, this isn’t a one on one match. You could actually benefit from this match and gain some allies but you haven’t really gone and made a lot of friends here. All those people in the ring, they hate you. They don’t like me either but what separates us is that I can handle my own. You’ve needed people your whole career. You’re UWF Championship win was a joke. If you think you’re better than anyone here, than Shark Boy isn’t the craziest one out here.

Ambrose looks to Shark Boy

We get it, you couldn’t win a match if your life counted on it so you decided to act like someone else. It’s a shell to protect you from your own miserable self. When you look in the mirror you don’t see Shark Boy for the man he really is no you see Stone Cold Shark Boy. The man who thinks he can do what he wants to anyone when actually he’s just a more plucky version of the regular Shark Boy. You’ve been fired multiple times for a reason and if you want to go ahead and try and open a can of whoop bass, I’ll show the world just how pathetic you really are.

Ambrose looks over his shoulder to the titantron behind him.

Speaking of pathetic, D'Von has yet to show his face. He continues to hide behind a camera and spew garbage. And did I hear correctly when he said I had a temper? I’m not the one preaches to people by screaming and puts an old woman through a table for asking a question. As a matter of fact, I’ve only raised my voice once while I’ve been out here. Unlike you, I don’t need to yell to be serious. I’ve had a temper before. It’s cost me many matches in my career but it’s not about personal vendettas in this match. I’ve gotten revenge on all who have wronged me and now it’s time for me to reclaim what was stolen from me. If you want to get in my way, instead of praying for a win, I'll make you pray for your life.

Ambrose smirks as the crowd applauds. He turns around and addresses the crowd once more.

This...All of this you see before you. All of this will be gone at the end of the night. The only thing remaining will be me in the middle of this ring. I've had it with all the politics in this company. No more Corporations rising up to take charge. No more McMahon's telling me I'm a bad image for their company. No more bullshit. The only surefire way to get what I deserve is by winning this match. I've never needed to be handed rematch clauses or briefcases to get back what's mine and I don't need them now. Going through 29 other men and proving that I am as damn good as I know I am is not only how I main event WrestleMania, it also sounds like a lot of fun.

Ambrose gets a big grin on his face and the crowd is red hot.

And that's what I plan on doing. Having fun. With all of you. Some of you are so delusional, you think you need to speak the loudest or spew the most words to win this match. You think you can just waltz out of nowhere and take the victory for yourself. Some of you want this so bad but for all the wrong reasons. You think this one win will give you all the glory you could ever want. You think it will instantly make you a star. That's not how this works. One win doesn't make you a damn thing except a fluke. Just ask The Miz. He could have challenged me for my title at WrestleMania but instead took the easy way out and guess what, he still lost. The same thing will happen to you. In less than a year, 25 of you will have left, came back and then left again. None of you deserve a damn thing. It's always been that way and it's not changing any time soon. Either prove you belong here, or stop wasting everyone's time.

Ambrose flings his mic and backs up once again. He stands up against the mini-tron and slides down to sit with a blank stare on his face. ​

 

[Coldhands]

The lights go out in the arena as the crowd realise this can only mean one thing. Flames ignite the UWF stage and smoke billows from where the explosion occurred. The dreary melody of ‘Veil of Fire’ seaps out of the speakers in the arena as the monster known as Kane slowly walks out onto the stage. The former two time Global Champion stands at the top of the entrance ramp and surveys the crowd, before making his approach to ringside.

​

Kane steps over the top rope, assuming his normal position. The fans put their fingers in their ears as the Big Red Machine brings his arms up and down, igniting all four ring posts in a blaze of hell fire and brimstone.

​

Kane stands in the ring, having been handed a microphone from a nervous looking ringside technician. The fans wait for Kane to being to speak, but no sound comes out from the former champion. The camera focuses in on Kane’s face, which is giving no emotion away. Kane looks like he is about to begin addressing the fans, but instead he slides under the bottom rope and exits the ring. Walking towards the announce table, the fans pop as they realise that Kane has left the ring to grab a Steel Chair. Kane takes a moment to look at the chair, before bringing it back into the ring with him. He keeps the chair in his hand as he begins to speak, not taking his eyes off the chair while he talks to the fans in the jam-packed arena.

Kane:

A lot of people have been questioning my silence over the past few weeks. They’ve been whispering, thinking I cannot hear them. They have been saying the Kane of the past is gone, his spirit broken, that he has simply given up. Oh I have heard them, I hear them in the hallways, their voices are seared into my mind, their assertions burning into my brain. I am here to destroy those assertions. You see I haven’t given up. My spirit isn’t broken, in fact it’s hungrier than ever before. The flames of the fire that burns inside have not been extinguished, rather they are ready to ignite when I set foot in the ring with Eddie Guerrero at the Royal Rumble.

I will not lie, my loss to Tyson Kidd two weeks ago was.. difficult to understand. So I did not appear last week, I hung back, I sat in the shadows and I reflected on what had transpired in this ring that night. I watched from the shadows, and what I saw gave me the desire to come out here tonight. For what I saw last week, was a man who is as deceitful as he is cunning. I saw a man who will say anything to anyone, who will lie through is teeth, a man who does not deserve to be calling himself the Global Champion. Eddie Guerrero will do anything to convince you that he is a worthy champion. But I know the truth. I know the only reason he has that Championship, is not because of a briefcase, but because of this.

Kane holds up the Steel Chair.

Kane:

This. It was this steel chair that Eddie Guerrero used to defeat me, and it this steel chair that will be brought down on Eddie Guerrero’s flesh at the Royal Rumble. Eddie Guerrero needed this chair to pin my shoulders to the mat, and at the Royal Rumble he will rue the day he ever laid his hands on it. Many people have tried to destroy the monster that is Kane over the years, and I’ll be damned if a thief like Eddie Guerrero is the one to finally end my reign in this business. I did not wage a path of carnage through this business, only for it to be extinguished by a man who cheats his way to victory. I am back Eddie, and believe me when I say, I am coming for you. Last week was merely the calm before the storm. The storm clouds are gathering, and you have ignited something in me that I feared was lost for good. My fires are burning, my engine is revving, and I am already imagining the many ways that I can make you feel my pain at the Royal Rumble. You have made much of the fact that you can get yourself out of any situation, that you can lie cheat and steal your way to the top of the UWF. A thief can only succeed in his endeavours if the predator hunting him is weak. At the Royal Rumble I will be the hunter, and no matter what you do, no matter how many tricks are up your sleeve Eddie, you will not be able to avoid becoming the hunted. There will be nowhere to run and there will certainly be nowhere to hide. This ring will be surrounded by these cold, hard steel chairs, and believe me when I say Eddie, you will know them very well by the time I am done with you.

Kane pauses, looking at the chair that is in his hand again, before continuing.

Kane:

And just for those people in the back, for those on the roster that doubt my ability, for those heretics who believe that I have ‘lost it’, let me give you a demonstration of my determination to walk out of the Royal Rumble with the Global Championship around my waist for a third time.

Kane drops the chair to the mat. Putting his large boot of his right foot on the center of the chair, Kane bends down and pulls the top of the chair. Slowly, and using all his strength, the crowd gasp in surprise as Kane begins to bend the top of the steel chair over his foot. The chair begins to buckle, before Kane raises his foot off it, bringing his boot crashing back down onto chair as he smashes the already bent chair into two pieces.

Kane:

This battered, broken chair will symbolize one thing. Eddie, I know you are back there somewhere, no doubt plotting one scheme or another. This chair, will resemble the state that I will leave you lying on the mat after I have taken my revenge. You will have no choice but to look up at the man who has crushed you, and I will look down on you with vengeance in my heart and not a shred of mercy in my soul. You will learn the hard way the peril of crossing the Devil’s Favourite Demon, for I intend to make sure that only one of us will be capable of walking out of the arena when it is all said and done. This chair may have bent under the pressure of my foot, but I will break before I bend. Eddie, you have had your fun and games. You have carried out this experiment, but results will not be in your favour. You were only ever a pretend champion, a paper champion who was running from someone and something he could never understand. When people try to run from me, I always catch up with them. And I make them suffer. You are no exception. 2nd February, the road to Wrestlemania officially begins, and I will make sure that this road to hell begins with the Global Championship around my waist.​

 

[EffectsofRaven]

John Cena prepares his fallen asleep before miraculously waking up which gets a cheap pop from the fans before he speaks again.

John Cena: Dean, I’m sorry son but I just missed everything you said after Steve Boredom put me to sleep, actually I think every single fan in this arena tonight got put to sleep by Steve, right folks?

The fans respond with a huge “Yes!” which brings a big smile to John Cena’s face.

I mean c’mon man, you think everyone wants to listen to the same thing every single time you get a microphone in your hand; here, lemme do an impression of you Steve, ahem.

Whine, bitch, complain, whine, bitch, complain, rinse and reap for the next ten minutes and you got yourself a Steve Borden promo! Hell, Steve I was hoping for a better comeback but I guess the only comebacks you are good at those off Matt Blooms chin.

All joking aside, Steve you ain’t that tough, hell you ain’t even that righteous, you’re nothing but a little bitch who can’t get his way and come hell or high water you ain’t walking over me grandma; so make room for Bloom in that Royal Rumble because he’s the only friend you got in the world little cub and you’re gonna need him because if I ain’t gonna be the one throwing you out then you can bet someone else ‘ere will; whether it be Dean Ambrose, Daniel Bryan, AJ Styles, hell even Shark Boy can toss you out of this ring easily.

You ain’t nothing but a man who’s got nothin’ better to do that bitch and complain and there ain’t room for you in The Rumble; this Royal Rumble is for those who are here to fight and by goddamn, I’m gonna be taking names and kicking their asses in The Royal Rumble to prove how much I’ve changed, see Steve, unlike you; I’m a man of my word, even back yonder when I did some stuff I regretted, I was a man of my word; I said I would beat people and sure as hell did and that ain’t ever gonna change. Ever!

Cena listens to the encouraging response from the fans, nodding his head to their positivity.

Lap it up folks because I promise you the old John Cena is back and he ain’t gonna’ be goin’ anywhere any time, it ain’t even soon, cause I ain’t gonna back to who I was last year; In fact I’ve missed it, I missed being this John Cena because this is how I’m supposed to be.

A man of my word and doing right by those words and by the fans and believe it AJ, I know you’re tough son of a gun; or as Good ‘Ole JR would say, “Tougher than a Two Dollar Steak,” but listen up son; I’ve eaten meals bigger than you but I ain’t gonna discredit you neither, so if you wanna roll with Cenation Leader then I’m down with that dawg and it’s gonna be a tough ride but if you beat me, then I’ll shake your hand and look you in the eye and call ya the better man.

Yeah, y’all heard me; I’m willing to look any one man in the eye and admit they beat me but folks, that’s only if they beat me and I ain’t gonna lie; there is one man in this ring who has beaten me in more ways than anyone else, hell, I guess he’s the only man who has truly ever beaten and that man is stood at the top of the mini-tron and his name is Dean Ambrose.

The fans let themselves know in fully supporting Dean Ambrose, if there’s one incident the fans still can’t get over, it is what John Cena did Dean Ambrose. Dean Ambrose glances up from underneath his brow at Cena.

It didn’t matter whether I hit him from behind, in the nuts, with the belt, The Attitude Adjustment, A steel chair, hell I even send that son-of-a-bitch to barbed wire hell and he still got up at the end of the damn match and walked away and that hurt my pride; I lost a pint of blood that night and I lost more of my pride to know I threw everything at that man to beat him and while I beat him for a three count, he still got up and walked away and if that ain’t tough and unbeatable then I sure as hell don’t know what is these days.

But don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean I’m backing from you Dean; ‘cause I’m still willing to get into yo’s face and trading blows with ya, if that means we’re gonna wear the crimson masks again then so be it cause I ain’t gonna be backing down, I’ll never quit on what brought me to dance ever again and Dean; that’s gonna be the difference next time we stand off ‘cause that’s inevitable and my question to you Dean is, you ready for a fight with The Legit John Cena?

John Cena’s question doesn’t gather a response from Dean Ambrose, instead Ambrose looks back down again, pretty much forcing John Cena to move onto someone else.

Man, tough crowd in the ring tonight, well aside from Steve but he doesn’t know when to shut up; but enough about Borden his inflated ego doesn’t need more stroking, we’ll leave that to Matt Bloom if you get what I mean folks.

John Cena lowers his microphone for a moment and jokes into the camera, “I still got it baby,” before actually talking again.

Who else we got in this match, ahh yes; how could I forget our resident man of god, Reverend Devon; I heard Orphan Wifrie all the way in the back, that was funny man; almost as funny as the BS you spew about being a man of god, I’ve seen what you’ve done with the collection plate in the past and honestly, I oughta slap the taste of you for robbing from innocent people but that ain’t me cause gonna kick your ass instead and that’s gonna hellva lot more than just a good ole slapping. One thing that always got my back up is people taking advantage of the weak and that’s what you done son but that’s gonna stop at Royal Rumble consider what I’m gonna do to you, your own personal redemption from me to you and guess what, it’s on me, free, so you can save your petty change.

The fans are now lapping up John Cena’s words, he’s slowing turning back into the John Cena of old and he’s gaining his Cenation back.

Now, where the hell is Stone Cold, waitaminute, I mean Shark Boy; man, I love that guy, he cracks me up has anyone told him, he’s not the real Stone Cold or not? Hey man, I’m not hating on yo for doing “your” stick because it cracks me up inside, in fact I’m missing ya man and these fans are missing ya! Hell, I’d happily lose to ya Sharkie just because it’d one of those moments you’d only gonna’ get in UWF and that’s what I love about this company, you can get guys like Shark Boy having a chance to shine! But I hate to say it Sharkie at The Royal Rumble there’s just gonna be too many big fish in this small pond for ya to stand out but if ya do, more power too ya.

John Cena pauses before wrapping everything up.

That’s the thing, there’s this small pond and so many big fishes in it; you got a list of A-List talent and some filler but there’s only one big fish whose gonna win this Royal Rumble and I don’t know whether it’s gonna me or Dean Ambrose or somebody else but you’ll better all be on you’re A-Game because I will be as this is a massive turning point in my UWF career and I ain’t gonna be falling short the mark; ya hear me?

John Cena lowers his microphone and watches the other participants in the ring awaiting a response.​

 

[The Hoov]

As Cody lowers his microphone and glares at his brother, Goldust lifts his up and gives his retort in melodic form.

Goldust: "There's no earthly way of knowing......In which direction we are rowing.......Or which way the river's flowing........" Baby brother, you ask the people to look past my facepaint but, Cody, I ask you to look deep down inside yourself. Deep down inside those.....cavernous empty voids inside your soul, look deep into them and admit to me, in front of the entire world, that even you don't believe......that you are prepared for the Royal Rumble. You've clashed with giants, psychos and all of the like but......baby brother.....you have never faced me. You have never danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight before but, at the Royal Rumble, you have a chance to make true on your word. I encourage you, I implore you......give it to me. Give me all that you have........I'm a big boy, I can take it. The only question is, can you take it......as well as you can dish it? At the Royal Rumble, we're not focusing on throwing men over the top rope.....no no.....no, because we are more than men. We are.......heh heh heh.......

Goldust looks down as Cody hangs on Goldust's every word. As Goldust continues to look down, he continues speaking.

Goldust: "Is it raining? Is it pouring? Is a hurricane a-blowing?.........Not a speck of light is showing......So the danger must be growing.......By the fires of Hell are glowing.......Is the grizzly Reaper mowing?"

Goldust then looks back up at his brother with fire in his eyes as he picks back up where he left off.

Goldust: Baby brother, scoff if you wish but....Hollywood is more real than you can possibly imagine. You see, this world around is.....that is the true illusion. What we see up on the big screen......It's pure, it's real, it's.......It's honest. What you see is exactly what they want you to see but this world......No, this world can be far more convoluted and complicated.......The "magic" of Hollywood.......it's pure.....it's innocent......A van full of soldiers are blown up before your very eyes on the silver screen......you don't bat an eye but, say, a twisted, demented teenager brings a semi-automatic weapon to his school......and the world looses their minds! I often wondered why but now.....Now I know the truth. It's context, baby brother. It's the way in which we see things. You see me as this embarrassment but, that's not what the world sees. The world sees you as this mentally disturbed person.....but that's not what I see. No, I see a sick puppy who needs to be euthanized and.....I've got just the poison for you......

Goldust moves closer to Cody as he keeps speaking, as if letting his words dare Cody.

Goldust: To a pair of normal competitors, a street fight would mean blood, sweat and sacrifice but oh no, not with us. No, a street fight in our hands......it means Ground Zero. It means that we have a chance to take this stage we call reality and we get to enact......the performance of a lifetime. It's almost.....beautiful......in a way. How it all comes to this......two brothers.......locked in a heated dispute. The same way some of the greatest Hollywood classics start but, Cody, we will blow them all......*inhales* out of the water *exhales* when the bell rings, when the director calls for "Action"......oh we'll give them action......more action than they can imagine but.....Cody, look deep down inside yourself and ask......are you ready to face the music? When the trumpet sounds and the angelic horns arrive......and the apocalypse is near.....will you be ready? "Yes, the danger must be growing......For the rowers keep on rowing......And they're certainly not showing......Any signs that they are slowing......"

Goldust lowers his microphone as he chuckles to himself.​

 

[Slim]

Not to ever be short on words at all… Trish looks up first at Bubba Ray.



The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

Finally… more people. I was really getting bored of seeing the same old people in here. And I mean that in the most offensive way possible to you Taker, Paulie, Alexis, and John boy. But really Bubba… it has been quite a while. And the first thing you make mention of are my big fun bags? I’m sure you’d love to just shove your face right in the middle of them wouldn’t you? And how did it feel when you put me through a table? I’ve had rougher nights with my husband than that. But there is something that Momma Stratus always said. The more violent that a guy has to be towards a female… the less of a man he really is. And for you to have to go to those extremes means that you must be lacking so much that you must not have ever seen your own balls in your entire life.

The crowd lets out a collective “OOOHHHHHH” as Trish walks right up to Bubba and raises her mic.

The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

And as far as your half breed thinking you of being a man… yeah considering Momma Stratus is never wrong I’m sure he is always thinking when is a real man going to do something to him because you just seem to be lacking everywhere aren’t you little man. But see this is where things get interesting. You assume that because I hang with Rock and Edge that I must be sleeping with them. Well if we go by that idea then what that means is since you spend all your time hanging with D’Von… then does that mean you and him are… you know… a little… incestual relationship? You sick freaks. But oh no that doesn’t apply does it? It only does when it applies to me right? Because that is the same thing that everyone has been saying for the past few years. I mean really… if there could ever be one person in the history of this industry that can have a single creative bone in their body and not take that same route because just that easily I could turn it back on them but with you… I don’t think it is really speculation but more just waiting for the time for you or him to slip up and let the truth set you two free.

I mean society is becoming much more accepting of your kind. But I dunno though because they aren’t really keen on brothers being together but you two are half brothers or something so you two might get a pass. But as far as you even thinking that you have the fortitude to make Umaga your bitch… that I find extremely laughable. Ha I said extreme. Speaking of extreme you do know the guy that you are talking about destroying in such a manner is the longest reigning Extreme Champion in UWF history right. So as far as lasting two minutes? That isn’t a problem. What is the problem is without the pill can you last even a minute? But on a more violent nature… can you even last two minutes in the ring with a monster like Umaga? Because he doesn’t know remorse. So anything you say against me can and will be used on you. So keep on with your petty insults and all that will do is add fuel to the fire that will consume your useless body.

Trish winks at Bubba before turning to Matt Bloom and gives a sarcastic surprised look.

The Best There Ever Will Be… Trish Stratus:

Prince Albert. We had a team … T & A. Test and Albert. I was going to make you a star but something just went wrong. I mean I rescued you from that horrible gimmick of being nothing more than a body piercer of Droz. I was giving you a shot. You were my first client in the WWF. But you didn’t want to do anything I told you. You didn’t want to achieve with me. Test went on to do some pretty decent things whereas you just became a hairy ape that couldn’t amount to anything here where it matters. I mean you can look at my list of clients and see that they all achieved some form of success. Some greater than others but you… you are pretty much that one and only failure. The one that I try to not even mention but yet here you stand acting like the world dealt you a horrible hand and that was your problem back then. You always looked to blame the world instead of realizing that you are the reason for all of your short comings.

You are boring. You are nothing. You are just three hundred and fifty pounds or however much you weigh of wasted space. Just useless and need to be put down to the pasture with your friend Steve since I guess he doesn’t want to be called Sting anymore. So you two want to abolish your ring names and go by real names and think that is going to make you more hardcore, more legitimate, more vicious, less acquainted with the fans… well all that is happening is exactly what I told Sting to do so long ago. I told him before all he was doing was hiding behind that face paint and for so long he denied it. I told him all he was doing was hiding behind a gimmick and he denied it. Now it is all coming to fruition and look at him now. Now he is almost successful after listening to me. You on the other hand… well you were always hard headed. You were always the stubborn one that believed that he knew what was best and look where it got you. Yeah you were successful in Japan but if you can deliver stiff kicks and look as big as you do then you’re going to be a success over there. It is here where it matters if you have what it takes to be successful or not. Being good looking helps quite a bit but skills get you here and that is what happened with Umaga. He lost direction until I found him and turned him over night into a huge success. Rock became a bigger success. Edge became a huge success. The list goes on but you… you were always my greatest disappointment.

But here is your chance Matt. This is your chance to finally do something right. All you have to do is listen to me. For once in your life stop listening to yourself because when you do that you wind up nowhere. When you listen to others you wind up nowhere except dancing and looking like a hungry hungry hip hop hippo named Sweet T doing dance moves from the 80’s. If you want true success… leave this match. Leave this match because I guarantee you that you won’t achieve much success in this at all. You don’t have the drive, you don’t have the intellect, you don’t have what it takes to do anything remotely interesting in this match. Leave this match and think about possibly doing something else. And no this is not an invitation for you to join with me again because you had your chance and you failed. I’m not one to offer second chances. But I am one to offer people like you free advice because it seems as though you really need it. So I’m here to help you in this difficult point in your life where you are trying to figure out where you are to go, what you are to do, and your future in this business. And this match will not benefit you in anyway. You’ll just wind up hurt.

And this goes for anybody else that wishes to step into this match. My client, my monster will hurt each and every single one of you. He is ready to return and is ready to destroy anybody that dares even step foot in his way. He is known as the Samoan Bulldozer for a reason. Because anything that steps in his path will be annihilated. And just know… you all have been warned.

Trish lowers her mic.​

 

[rawisrey]

Damien Sandow:
​

Well Well Well, look who has decided to finally grace us with their presence. Mr. Cena You so "eloquently" stated that you were going to give these..."people" the winner they deserved, and in that sense I must agree with you. For these abhorrent people do not deserve someone as great as myself to fight for them, they deserve just another inept false idol to represent them. But this isn't about what they Deserve, it's about what is Best for them. The Greater good Mr. Cena, and I am just that, the Greater good. So make your grandiose return, Do the tired jokes you're known for, try to get back into the good graces of the fans. Because the fact of the matter is, You've had your chance, no strike that you've had Chance after chance after chance. And each time you failed to do anything for these people, so now it's time to hang up your...sneakers...and wait in line as you bare witness to a true idol these people can look up to, one they can pattern their lives after and become better people as a result. In other words Mr. Cena, Your allotted time has come to it's end, my time however is just now commencing.

Sandow turns with a smirk, before he sees Styles and the smirk fades away into a look of almost disgust.
​

No...No Mr. Styles I'm afraid you don't know how to save yourself. You pointed out our difference in attire, but when I see your ensemble I don't see hard-worker. I see a man too lazy to make a difference, who knows something is bad but instead of attempting to fix it will wallow in it and get used to the filth. Like a child who refuses to clean his room, you Mr. Styles are the exact opposite of a hard-worker. When you look at me, You might think I have it easy but my child I am put through so much each and every week. Facing everything from Savages to champion after champion on Raw, don't you think it would be easy for me to let myself go and look as atrocious as you do? But no, I keep up my appearance, no matter the pain in the morning I keep my beard well groomed and immaculate, no matter the challenge ahead of me, I keep my skin clean and free of any markings, and I always keep robes, which are the greatest combination of fashion and comfort, spot free and perfect. That is hard work Mr. Styles, what stands before me this evening is a man who has given up on himself and as such cannot be expected to give anything up for anyone else. You have so much to learn, but sadly I only have this Royal Rumble bout to teach you...so I have one request of you...simply survive as long as possible if you happen to emerge earlier in this bout than myself, because you must be taught a lesson first hand.

Damien holds a finger up, as if being reminded of something and he looks towards Steve Borden.
​

A lesson that should be imparted towards Mr. Borden as well, now Mr. Borden I can see why you are so upset. Throughout the night people have been stating some disparaging remarks about you, so much so that it seems the entirety of the world has gone lazy because it's the same few notes we've heard earlier. I understand why that must be frustrating, but do answer me this...Have you heard of the Danish fairy tale, The Emperor’s New Clothes? All these people say one thing about you because it is an obvious fact, but you are far too busy holding your head high in pride to look down upon yourself. Mr. Borden, you have simply become lazy like Mr. Styles here. No, I apologize Mr. Styles, You have become Lazier. For instead of blaming yourself, or blaming the people who are better than you, you blame the people in charge and talk about it like it is taboo. Well allow me to bring you out of your little world. Desmond Wolfe, he did not like Y.E.S but we dominated the Smackdown brand, so when people win, they have to be given bigger challenges to lose to...and that just never came. All you see is Mr. Wolfe, but what you and 99% of the audience fails to remember is the tireless hours I spent training, studying my opponents, and meticulously planning out strategies. That’s the problem with society today; they cannot admit when they are bested, You can’t fathom the idea that someone else is better than you so it has to be something else. No Mr. Borden, I was and will always be better than you, as a Wrestling technician, as a public speaker, as a teammate, and as a person.

Sandow smiles at him for a moment before he speaks out, as if talking to everyone in general but still facing Borden.

So let’s put this Y.E.S business to bed, because I was the man behind that group and I bring them up less than everyone who faces me. Us winning the tag team championships? It was a result of Mr. Borden and Joe being an atrocious team that to this day no one other than them remembers. Us being awarded the Tag team of the month several times: was a result of the Voting you moronic imbecile and that was a result of there being no other tag team that could match us. And Me Winning the Worlds Heavyweight Championship…that was a result of nothing because it has not happened yet, I’ve only won the UWF Championship, and that was a result of a straight trade of opportunities. Y.E.S gave a European championship opportunity to Raw for a UWF championship opportunity, a deal I struck alone.

Sandow pauses and looks at the three men he just spoke about.

The three of you are abhorrent because you all believe yourselves to be in the right, Mr. Styles believes his deteriorated looks somehow makes him look like a hard worker, Mr. Cena believes he can make it up to the audience with a couple kind words and jabs at the people they dislike, and Mr. Borden believes his view of the real life gives him an edge. Is it not sad that because of your flawed and skewed views of the world, you three are actually worse than Shark Boy here? Because to give this…Boy… credit he is not lost, in the grand scheme of things he knows he isn’t representing anything, he cares not what the people think of him, and he does not look down upon anyone. And it’s that ignorant innocence that makes him a better person than all three of you, for he doesn’t have to justify why he wears a fin on his head he simply likes it. And he doesn’t care what you call yourself, for in his mind he is going to…how you put it, open up a can of bass whip on you anyways. In his simple mind, he is having the time of his life, if it weren’t for his abhorrent life, detestable vernacular, and despicable choices, I would say I look forward to facing him more than all of you. For I’m not proving him wrong, I’m not trying to teach him a lesson, he’s too far gone…I’m simply going to beat him, and in a world filled with the self-righteous whose reign over the impressionable minds must be ended in a grand gesture…it’s refreshing to come across a man I can simply defeat and move on from.

Sandow turns to the stage and motions towards it.

Now I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the Good Reverend D-Von and his escapades on the big screen…And now that that is over with…

Sandow scoffs at the vignettes shown on the screen as he turns to Dean Ambrose.

Mr. Ambrose, I’ve left you as the last man I mention for now, because you brought up a point everyone here was already thinking. You state I’ve needed help, unlike you who can handle things on his own. Now Mr. Ambrose allow me to bring up a little factoid, On Smackdown I remained undefeated until Y.E.S began. And now on Raw I am embarking on a singles run and have not been pinned or made to submit since. That means that having people alongside me has actually proven to be a hindrance, because when I have followers I am far too worried about them staying on the path that it effects my own performance. But alone, I can focus; I can put all my attention at the task at hand and come out the victor. I’ve studied for this bout more than any other, and do you know what makes it so interesting?

Sandow turns to the crowd

I am one of the least chosen to win this bout, I’ve heard mention of Christian winning the big one, Styles showing the world what he’s made of, Steve Borden proving his own resiliency in the face of adversity, John Cena coming back to win the whole thing, Reverend D-Von is going to surprise the world,Dean Ambrose like he is one to do fighting the odds and coming out on top, oh and my personal favorite that the night will end with the crowd chanting Yes…Yes…Yes. All these what if scenarios and yet I have yet to hear one about Damien Sandow, Backstage I hear the whispers of people choosing their personal favorites, but all but one lone Scotsman on the announcers table have written off Damien Sandow. He’s all alone, his reign was a joke, he’s craven and hides behind big words. And that is precisely how I wanted it, because while you all worry about the prophecy set for Daniel Bryan, Dean Ambrose, Steve Borden and AJ Styles…I shall be waiting. One by one, destinies shall fall over the top rope, plans…futures…grand victories all will crumble in one night…until there is but one left. When I emerge victorious, and show that everyone was wrong…one by one they will see what else I was right about. Your Salvation is inevitable, and once it comes you will all hate yourselves for not having accepted it earlier.
​

​

​

​

​

 

[rawisrey]

Cody Rhodes:

You seem so confident in yourself, I like that...but Goldy let's be honest for a second. Let's look at the track records, how many times have you lost it just to comeback into reality and been...Normal...How many times have Dustin and Goldust tagged in and out? quite a number of times. But me, Oh I'm comfortable right where I am. See...No one cared who you were until you put on the paint, but I have surpassed you. For all your antics, for all your innovation what did you EVER accomplish? What do people remember you for? Kissing another man, making innuendos, and golden lighting. I take people out Goldy, I'm not some movie monster, now I'm that nightmare you can't get rid of...the monster under your bed that cripples you in fear not because of how big and scary it looks but because you don't know what it's capable of.

Cody smiles and starts chuckling to himself

People don't even talk about me anymore...HAHAHAHA...Because THEY know what might happen, Whether it's Raw or Smackdown...Cody Rhodes is a bad word now, just ask Dean-O...he thought he was safe on Smackdown and decided to have my name pass his lips...and I made him pay for that. Year after year I've proven what I'm capable of, and now people know better than to look for me...People don't check under their beds anymore, they don't let it slip that I'm on their brand, they avoid coming after me and wait...wait until I've decided to have fun with them. Taker will make you famous, Austin will test you on the mic, Triple H will measure you on the grand measuring stick, but Cody will end you. That's the world we live in, that's the world I've made, and now you have decided to challenge that fact. I'm Just your baby brother...oh it's refreshing to have them come to you for once.

Cody gets a little closer, his head tilting to one side slowly

See Goldy I honestly don't care what you see when you look at me, I don't care what anyone sees when they look at me...I am only concerned with what they see in themselves...I wore a mask, not for protection, not from injury, I wore it as a symbol for the mask all these people wear when they life their own pathetic miserable lives. The masks they were to hide the jealousy, the hideousness, and the rotten looks they give...But you Goldy you wear a literal mask. Gold and black paint, but you wear it to hide your cowardice, unlike them you're not hiding your deficiency of desirability, your hiding how scared you are when you walk into this part of your life. Like a boy clutching at his teddy bear under the sheets when he hears a scary noise, you hide under that paint and persona...but big brother I'm here to protect you. You don't have to be afraid of turning into the bad goldust, into the one the family disowned for a time, into the one that was fired, into the one that became a cautionary tale...no no I won't let that happen. Because I'll make sure you leave the Royal Rumble unable to put that mask back on, but Big brother I have some sad news. This isn't going to be a hollywood classic, it isn't going to be one to remember, sadly Brother you don't go out guns a blazing...think more the old dog got rabies and has to be taken out back...except no one cares about this old dog.
​

 

[CaptainxBumout]

As soon as Trish is done speaking, Fandango and EC3 reappear on the titantron with Fandango shaking his head.

Excuse me, can the rest of you just shut up for second? Ethan and I have important matters to discuss. I'm sure most of you didn't watch our match on Smackdown last night because who would ever want to submit themselves to see us being tortured for 30 minutes. As a matter of fact, Ethan has his lawyers looking into the blatant favoritism considering that wheel didn't even have that match on it. Now unfortunantly our bodies are not at 100% right now so we are currently about to go into reconstructive surgery. So this is a message to all our adoring fans and worshippers, don't worry. That snuff film you saw last week will not hinder us in any way shape or form whatsoever.

You may be thinking how is this possible. No ordinary men would just be able to compete the next week. Well we're not ordinary. We're extraordinary. Plus with all my money and connections, we have access to a wide array of technology that will almost instantly heal us. We beat two monsters at their own game and so if you think getting through the rest of you will be hard, think again. We've already stated that you should just move out of our way but should you play dumb and actually try and stop us from the inevitable, we'll be there to put you back in your place which is on your knees, worshipping us.

The crowd is very much against the egotistical duo as Ethan continues on.

Now we haven't been keeping up with what you smaller folk are doing but Maxine has given us the cliff notes of what you said about us which surprise, Maxine still works for us. So were we surprised when we heard Trish spouting the same old trash like she always has? No of course not.

She's pretty much on repeat every time she comes out. We're educated and learn different ways to say the same thing but her? Look at her. She comes out in the same three clothes week after week. It's really quite funny how poor you are and yet you pretend like your this huge celebrity. I can't go out to that ring with thousands of people blinding me trying to get my picture. Security guards have their hands full with all the women who run down just to try and lay a finger on me while you just have fat men behind keyboards staring at pictures of you from ten years ago. You think we're afraid of a man we've beaten numerous times before? Don't make me laugh.

Really, don't make us laugh. Our vocal chords are still a little damaged and the only thing people love more than seeing us is hearing us which is the exact opposite of Johnny, wait who are you again? We don't care if you've been wrestling 9 years. You've been busy wrestling kids from schools in barnyards while we have been on the international stage dazzling millions of people with just are good looks. So to us, you are very much a rookie. You don't know what it's like taking on world class athletes such as us. I hope you grab one of the briefcases and it's a shot against us because I would love to give you a spanking and send you to time out to think about what you've done.

And did you say we weren't serious? You don't think Fandango is serious? I'm the most serious man on the planet. Lance Storm wishes he was as serious as me. It's all you other fools who aren't being serious. You try and call me names when everyone knows my name. It's FAA-

No. These people don't deserve to hear the visceral reaction of your voice. Your voice flows like a river of dreams. These people wish they could be wordsmiths like us. By the way Riley, you really should let Paul speak on your behalf. I could barely make out what you said after you stumbled over your own sentences so much. Read a book. Maybe then you'd realize the phrase is "couldn't care less". Not "could care less" as that implies that you do care. But I guess it's not your fault. You probably only have a public high school education. Makes sense with what your wearing. You're trying to relive your glory days as the popular jock. The whole things really quite sad. But I won't harbor on that like Trish. I'm a better man than that. Fandango is a better man than that. Way better than your partner Matt Morgan. Jeff Hardy lost to Morgan, not Fandango. We're undefeated and if Johnny what's his face doesn't get a shot at our titles, I hope you get that briefcase so we can show the both of you who really deserves to be UWF Champion.

The crowd is booing louder than ever but the World Tag Team Champions can't hear and continue anyways.

And if Riley doesn't get the shot at our belts, person we hope wins number three is you Bubba. You two beat one man to win your belts. Oh man we're so scared. How dumb are you? I get that your name's Bubba but come on. Did you folks not just see him standing in the ring talking to us as if we were there in front of him? How many times do you have to be hit in the head to be that delusional. We hold the most prestigious belts in all of UWF because only two men have ever held them, us. The two greatest men in the history of mankind. And cool it with the cursing. It just shows how uneducated you really are.

And what is it with Matt Bloom? Is he going over his origin story again? Congratulations buddy, you're man number 4 who we hope gets a shot at our title just because we want to shut you and Steve up from ever talking again. I'm pretty sure UWF will give us all the belts for finally making you two go away.

The secretary pops into the foreground and begins speaking.

Mr. Bateman and Mr. Curtis, your appointment is ready.

Fandango gets up and gets right in the woman's face.

It's FAAAANNNDAAAAAANNNGOOOOO!

And E....C....3.

Fandango and EC3 walk off into their appointment as the feed goes dead.​

 

[Quad]

An electric guitar suddenly reverberates around the arena…



Rob Van Dam & Sabu’s theme, “Walk” by Pantera, is met with a chorus of cheers from the UWF faithful as the previously announced dream return of the duo has finally come to fruition. The reaction intensifies as RVD & Sabu, along with Bill Alfonso make their way out from the back – Fonzie’s signature whistle fighting to be heard due to the deafening crowd. Slapping the hands of anyone and everyone they can on their way to the ring, both superstars enter the squared circle as Fonzie climbs atop the turnbuckle continuing to blow the whistle as he points to the superstars in the ring. RVD retrieves some microphones, as Sabu gets Fonzie off the top rope, the latter apparent a house of fire, snatching a microphone.

Bill Alfonso
FEBRUARY 2ND! ROYAL RUMBLE, BABY! TWENTY FOURTEEN, BILL ALFONSO, MANAGER OF CHAMPIONS, BRINGS TO SAN ANTONIO, MR. TUESDAY NIGHT & THE HOMICIDAL, SUICIDAL SABU! MARK IT IN YOUR CALENDAR, DADDY! BIG NIGHT FOR UWF, BECAUSE WE’RE BACK, BABY!

Van Dam stepping in puts a hand on Fonzie’s shoulder as the latter cools down from the possible and probable self-induced seizure. Sabu nods towards their manager as Van Dam picks up his mic.

Rob Van Dam
I guess what Fonzie is trying to say here, is that at the Royal Rumble, when Rob Van Dam returns to this ring, Rob Van Dam is going to return a winner.

Sabu hits Van Dam on his pec.

Oh, you too, Sabu. I mean, we’re a team dude, don’t even sweat it. Remember, what’s yours is mine and what’s mine, is mine too. Because you see, when *I* win this Rags to Riches match..

Sabu pulls RVD towards him to face him.

..And we earn, whatever it is in that briefcase, I’ll split it with you, Sabu. Fifty-fity, sixty-forty, whatever, dude.

Alfonso
WE’LL CALL IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, DADDY! THE SHEIK’S ALREADY CLEARED A SPOT ATOP HIS FIREPLACE, BABY!

RVD
Yes he has Fonzie, because it doesn’t matter who’s in this match, Taker, Bubba, Heyman or any of the other dudes in here, the result will still be the same, RVD walking out with a briefcase.

Fonzie blows his whistle again as Sabu eyes down the other people in the ring. His ever-so arrogant partner, however just quickly scans the faces in the ring, before continuing.

Now, obviously, UWF had to scrape the bottom of the barrel to fill this match with as many people Rob Van Dam can beat, to make my return more “credible”, if you will, but seriously, dudes? What’s up, Paul, you managing high-school kids, now?

Alfonso
YOU’RE NOT EVEN A SENIOR!

RVD
That’s right, Fonzie, he’s just a junior. So listen here, junior. Now, RVD obviously doesn’t know what it feels like to be playing second fiddle in a tag team..

Alfonso
WE CALL IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE!

..I mean, I’m the Whole F’n Show. But what I do know is how it feels when you think you’re being held back by the greater powers that be.

He’s got Riley’s attention, but Heyman knows RVD and tries to get his client not to listen.

Let RVD be the first to be honest with you, dude. You’re not being "held back", bro, you just aren’t seizing the day.

Alfonso
CARPE DIEM, BABY!

RVD
That's right, Fonzie. What, you think opportunities will just come to you gift-wrapped and *then* you roll with it? Nah dude, you gotta go out there, and take what you think is yours. Just watch us at the Royal Rumble, bro, I wi..

Sabu hits RVD again as Fonzie breaks them up

..I mean we, will show you how it’s done. Hell kid, even afterwards I might even shake your hand, but you can’t shake mine.

RVD notices the other new face, and address him.

But don’t let that be an open invitation, dude. What was your name again, Joey Oregano?

Gargano and the crowd don’t appreciate the snark towards their bright and shiny new toy, but this doesn’t faze Mr. Tuesday Night.

Look, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you’ve got all your history wrong, man. Paul Heyman wasn’t the one who put ECW on the map… Nah dude, it was..

Rob.. Van.. Dam! And it won’t stop at ECW, dude. No, that’s right, RVD, Mr. PPV, will carry UWF to international exposure and it will start at the Royal Rumble.

Alfonso
IT’S GON’ BE A BIG PAY-PER-VIEW, DADDY! RILEY, GARGANO, YOUR DAYS, ARE DONE! I CALL IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, BABY! WHETHER IT’S MR. PPV! OR THE HOMICIDAL SUICIDAL SABU, THERE’S NO MAN IN THIS RING THAT CAN STOP US! THOSE BRIEFCASES ARE OURS, DADDY! THEY'RE COMING TO THE FAMILY!

Fonzie begins to start whistling again, before RVD taps him on the shouder and Sabu whispers something into his ear.

Oh, I uh, didn’t notice you were here Trish.

RVD
It’s cool, no one notices her these days.

Alfonso
Sabu’s still got her posters

Sabu goes to hit Fonzie but he runs behind Van Dam.

RVD
We’re kidding, Sabu. But not about no one noticing Trish anymore. I mean, Umaga, really? I guess everyone becomes stupid with age and manages the wrong people.

This time it’s Fonzie’s turn to hit RVD as he looks really offended.

Obviously not you, Fonzie, because you’ll at least be managing a champion soon enough. You, on the other hand, Trish? Darling, somewhere in between you walking out here and you thinking Umaga has any chance in this match, I have to ask you, what have you been smoking?

RVD’s crack (drugs are bad, kids) garners some giggles around the ring and the arena, but the Canadian female doesn’t seem impressed.

Now I get it. Umaga’s a monster and he’s dangerous and he’s healed and he’s this and he’s that and he’s very, very good… But I’ll tell you this, Trish. He’s not Rob Van Dam(n) good. I mean hell, Fonzie and I know even Sabu would beat him. And everyone else knows that, I, can easily beat him. Don’t believe me, Trish? Wait until the Royal Rumble, nothing will change… RVD 4:20 will still read that I just smoked his ass, and Umaga will still be the biggest freak in UWF.

RVD turns straight to Sabu, place a hand on his chest.

No offence Sabu, some of my best friends are freaks.

Sabu grabs RVD by the collar, before RVD points to Sabu, continuing.

My very best friend’s a freak.

Fonzies steps in between the pair and breaks them up.

You know what, high-five!

RVD holds his hand up, before taking it down almost instantly, leaving Sabu hanging.

You know what, speaking of freaks, how's it going A-Train? Now, I absolutely loved, that whole spiel about everything wrong with your career up until this point, it was great, dude, really great. But I've got some bad news for you, it's not going to get any better. As... "hopeful" as you are for your future here in UWF, bro, there's a reason nothing worked for you in all those years.

Alfonso
YOU'RE A LOSER!

RVD
And that's all you'll ever be, Bloom. At the Royal Rumble, nothing will change, you'll lose, yet again, but to Rob Van Dam. Don't worry about it though, it won't mean that you're bad, even though you are. It just means your like everybody else, losing to RVD. You know what I'm talking about, right, Bubba?

What’s up, dude? Still fat as a pig and as angry as a bull I see. It’s cool dude, whatever, if you want your chi all messed up, it’s all the better for me. But what’s this about you round house kicking everyone on your hit list? I mean, I think that’s what you said at least. I’m not sure dude, but whatever you said, I gotta ask: why are you upset, *now*? Everyone’s been saying the Dudleyz are cowards ever since everyone’s been saying RVD's their favourite wrestler.

Bubba is avidly pissed off at RVD’s remark, but RVD continues.

But don’t let my popularity fool you, Bubba, I’m still the best wrestler in this company, in this industry and in the whole world. Japan, England, Australia, Madagascar…

RVD turns to Fonzie.

They probably don’t have wrestling in Madagascar.

Alfonso
I doubt it!

RVD
Alright, so not Madagascar, maybe Vietnam, may-

Alfonso
Vietnam’s no good for me.

RVD
What? Oh, right. Wait, you weren’t even at Vietnam? You know what, it doesn’t even matter. Pick a country, I’m better than them. You know why, dude? I’ll let you say it with me, it's because I’m the..

Whole.. Fucking.. Show!

As the crowd settles after chanting along with RVD, RVD finally addresses the first man to enter the ring.

Now, ‘Taker, ‘Taker, ‘Taker… Dude… what will we do with you? I don’t even know if I should talk to you, seeing as though you haven’t said a word since you first came out here? You know what you remind of now, Taker? That old dude that used to cool, but now sits on his front porch with a shotgun as he watches everyone else be better than him. You’re time has passed, Taker, and you’re worried about being lost in the shuffle. Dude, don’t even worry about it. Come Royal Rumble, you’ll be right there along with everybody else. Getting their ass beat by Rob.. Van.. Dam!

Sabu pushes RVD back yet again as RVD lowers his mic, but a faint "You too, Sabu" can be heard as Fonzie begins to whistle.
​

 

[The Hoov]

As soon as Sandow finishes speaking, Bryan immediately lifts his microphone back up and looks into the eyes of his former tag team partner.

Daniel Bryan: Excuse me, what's that I heard, Sandy? You mean, just about the same thing you say each and every time you walk out to this ring? Damien, you want to talk about salvation but you don't have the first idea of what true salvation is. You see, your idea of salvation is becoming more "civilized" and "cultured" and worshiping the ground you walk on but that approach isn't going to work with me. Not anymore. If you want to see what happens when you try and tame me, just go back a few weeks on RAW and watch Christopher Daniels' "Gentlemen's Club" and see how I humiliated and humbled him. Damien, a lot has changed since we were tag team partners but, unfortunately for you, there hasn't been much change from your side. You still wear the same blue robes, spout the same nonsensical psycho-bable and claim to bring about salvation when, truth is, all you bring is disappointment. Undefeated on RAW but victories like using the ropes aren't victories I would be proud of but, then again, you and I are not alike in the slightest. That's why Y.E.S. didn't work was because, at the end of the day, it was all about you. You didn't care about Bray or myself. The only person who mattered was you and how you could use us to get ahead well, Damien, how does it feel to be on your own? No Bray or Knox to watch your back. At the Royal Rumble, I'll make it a point to throw your ass over the top rope myself and, when I do, I'll be there, reminding you that your career goes nowhere as long as I'm around. You're Welcome.

Bryan then smirks at Sandow before looking over at Borden.

Daniel Bryan: As for you, Stinger, you have these delusions that I'm some sort of "company guy" and I've been handed opportunities. No, Bore-den. I scraped and clawed my way to get where I am today. Do you think some past accolades will last you for the rest of your career? You feel entitled to all of this, don't you? You think the world should just bend over backwards for the great almighty Steve Borden, huh? Steve, what you don't get is that Daniel Bryan doesn't bend over backwards for anybody. I've been World Heavyweight Champion. I've done it all in this business but, unlike you, I did it on my own. Randy Orton never handed me a damn thing. I earned what I have achieved and no one, especially not some overrated hack like you, is going to tell me or these people any different. They know exactly just who the hell I am while you, on the other hand, no one really knows who you are and, at this point, no one really cares. Doubt me. Call me delusional. It doesn't matter one bit. The only thing that will matter is that, as long as I'm around, I'll be here to do what I do best and thats....well.....be the best and constantly remind you that you just don't live up to me in any way, shape or form.

As Bryan lashes into Steve, Cena catches Bryan's eye.

Daniel Bryan: Don't think I haven't noticed you over there, Cena. I don't believe we've met. Daniel Bryan. Best Wrestler In The World. What? You know who I am? You're acting like I didn't make you tap out in the middle of the ring at Starrcade last month and end your historic European Title reign. Of course you know who I am. I know your routine by this point, John. You walk out here, make excuses and you continue to lose. That's how John Cena works in 2014. There once was a time you were a fearsome competitor in this ring but, now, all you are is fodder for people like me to pick apart piece.....by.....piece. Goat Face? Really, stealing plays out of Borden's playbook? I thought you'd be a little more clever than that. Goat Face......huh......That's cute coming from a guy who wears jorts and Reebok Pumps on a regular basis. John, I can't say I blame your bravado, though. Someone in your position has to save face when he's proven to be inferior but, John, how does it feel? How does it feel that the John Cena legacy, Hustle, Loyalty, Respect, Thuganomics, Rise Above Hate, for all of these catchphrases, for all of the muscles you've built around yourself, the supposed face of this industry, how does it feel to be bested by a 5 foot 10, 210 pound bearded Washington native? How does it feel to know that, for everything you're capable of doing, you're not infallible. You can be beaten and, at the Royal Rumble, if you think it's gonna be a walk in the park, think again because it's going to be just another night where your best.....just wasn't good enough.

As Bryan finishes with Cena, he turns to look at Shark Boy.

Daniel Bryan: Sharky, I tried to take it easy on you but, since you wanted to prod the sleeping beast, you can suffer the consequences. I don't have any ill will towards you but don't mistake that for weakness because you'd be wrong 100% of the time. You may have been sheltered over on SmackDown since your return around here but, come the Royal Rumble, brands don't matter. It's 30 men marching into this ring all with the hopes of headlining the biggest show of the year and, let it be known that no one, and damn sure not a Stone Cold Steve Austin wannabe will get in my way. Your buddies Captain Jack and Eugene of the British Isle won't be able to help you in this match. Ole' Shark Boy is swimming all on his own in a sea of giants, case in point, that sea includes me. I can assure you, Sharky, that you won't be whipping my "bass" but instead, Shark Boy is going to find out just what a "bass whipping" feels like and what true pain is like, physical and mental.

Bryan then cocks his head to the side and looks directly at AJ Styles.

Daniel Bryan: You know me? You actually think you can figure me out in 48 minutes? I thought we had more of a mutual respect than that but, apparently, I was wrong. 48 minute matches might be a novel concept around here to most but, to me, it's just another day at the office. I made one mistake and you capitalized. I paid dearly for it when I lost the World Heavyweight Championship to you. Ever since that day, I have been obsessed with regaining my spot at the top and I will be damned if AJ Styles costs it for me again. AJ, just because we fought in what could be considered one of the greatest matches in UWF history doesn't change the fact that I am a student of the game. I have learned from my mistakes, I have evolved, I have become better, stronger, faster. The Daniel Bryan that will be entering the Royal Rumble match won't be the same Daniel Bryan that you met at Bound for Glory. I'm out here to prove a point that I am hungrier and more dedicated than anyone standing out here or anyone "cutting promos" in the back. AJ, you're only hope for not getting a caved-in face for your comments is if you get eliminated before I even enter the ring but, AJ, if it does happen that we're in the ring at the exact same time, if it comes right down to Me vs You, it's gonna be Me coming out on top every single time. Doubt me if you want to, roll your eyes even but it doesn't change the fact that yours and everyone else's confidence just drives my motivation further.

Bryan looks up towards the stage and starts addressing someone, presumably D'Von.

Daniel Bryan: I'm not sure why I'm wasting my time addressing someone who doesn't have the" as Mick Foley would say, "testicular fortitude" to show up out to this ring, but I suppose I'll humor you. D'Von, just like everyone else out here in this ring, you think you have me all figured out. In fact, you think that you have all of the answers. "Why are we here?" "What is the meaning of life?" D'Von the only question you can possibly answer is "Can D'Von get the job done?" and, the answer is quite simple: You can't. You see, putting Oprah through a table, preaching your morality to these people, even more so than Damien Sandow over here, going on these rants, promising biblical implications, none of that makes me fear you because, at the end of the day, it's all a shield. It's a shield you hold up to protect the world from seeing just who D'Von really is and that's a sad, pathetic excuse and a shell of his former self. The Dudley Boys used to be the most fearsome duo in this industry but now? Now we all can see you two for who you really are. Bubba is a simpleton and you, D'Von? You're nothing more than a joke. When you get on your moral high horse and preach, all you're doing is prolonging your relevance which, let's be honest, you never really had in the first place. Whether you're a Reverend or a Brother, the constant in your career is that you can't get the job done and, at the Rumble, you'll prove it once again.

Bryan then turns back to the ring full of superstars and addresses them all as a group.

Daniel Bryan: I've been in this boat before. In fact, my entire career has been like this. Some claim I was given the world on a silver platter, others feel like I'm undeserving. It's been like that for far too long. Right now, I'm not "cutting promos". I'm speaking from the heart. The critics have always tried to take my accomplishments away from me, from my TV Title reign to the Tag Title reign and, hell, even when I held the World Heavyweight Championship, I had to put up constant criticism. You know what, though? None of that matters. nothing that anyone can change the way I feel in my heart and nothing can change how these people feel about me.They give me strength when everyone is trying to break me down. They believe in me when no one else would. This Sunday at the Royal Rumble, I win the Rumble match for two reasons. First of all, I do it so I can live my dream of headlining WrestleMania and, when I do, I make history by walking out not only still with this championship I have around my waist, the European Championship but also I take back the World Heavyweight Championship but, the second reason and most importantly of all, I win the Royal Rumble for these people here who chant the "YES!" chants, who buy the Daniel Bryan t-shirts. I do it for the people who stay up late at night, arguing until they're blue in the face on internet message boards supporting me. I do this for them to validate what they have known all along, what deep down, each and every one of you know and that is there is no one better than Daniel Bryan. Fact.

Bryan then lowers his microphone and glares at his opponents.​

 

[EffectsofRaven]

John Cena: Yes, yes, yes!

The fans respond with cheers to John Cena using Daniel Bryans’ catchphrase in an almost tongue-in-cheek manner before continuing onwards.

We all hear ya Daniel, we certainly hear the fans every single week using that three letter word; sure, you made me tap out along with a little bit of help from Christopher Daniels, so don’t act like you’re the only guy that beat me for that European Championship; but that doesn’t take away from the fact you are one tough son of a gun and you sure ain’t gonna be taken lightly in fact, I’m pretty sure you’re one of the favorites to win the whole thing and like I said, more power to ya son if you do but you gotta take out some of the biggest dogs in the ring.

But this ain’t about skills, Daniel; this is about being able to throw somebody over the top rope, this ain’t ‘bout tapping out or getting the one... two… three; this is about dominating and playing king of the hill, and looking ya Daniel, you ain’t gonna be throwing many out by pure strength and the best way to win a Royal Rumble is to be right in the thick of it; not hiding out in the corner, sucking air. If you wanna make a name for yourself then son, I expect to be tangoing with you at every possible moment ‘cause that’s the only way you’re gonna keep John Cena down, coming at him with everything you got and then sum!

The fans give Cena a mix bagged reaction, as John Cena continues to stare directly Daniel Bryan and continues.

‘Cause this isn’t John Cena rehashed; you’re looking at the real deal, the guy that who gave it all on Smackdown to win the World Heavyweight Championship; the man who wasn’t afraid to go three on one with YES, the guy the fans could get behind and ya better get ready for Daniel because if you ain’t ready for that, you’re gonna’ be in a world of pain come this Sunday at The Royal Rumble but I ain’t just gonna dish it out on you, nor am I gonna keep bringing up YES ‘cause that ain’t my style; I like to share the love John Cena’s gotta give to this opponents and I’ve got alotta of love to give to Damien Sandow.

John Cena smirks as he casually looks over Damien Sandow.

Miss me Sandy? Ya know, the guy who was a constant pain in your ass? Ya know, the guy who would poke fun at ya every opportunity for being Mister Intelligence? Yeah, I’m that guy and I gotta say, I’ve missed ya speeches, just like Sharkie you humour me with the babble that comes out of your mouth; ‘cause while you make yourself sound like the smartest guy around, ya seem to forgetting your track record in these Rumbles ain’t that great.

If I remember rightly, ya got eliminated twice in under ten seconds on the first ever Royal Rumble on Smackdown by the old man over ‘ere in Sti-Steve Borden, then sure you made it to the final four last year’s Royal Rumble just be eliminated by The Miz for cryin’ outloud and then the battle royal for The World Heavyweight Championship, you got chucked out first in that one; so the big question from me to you, Sandie is this; what makes this time different son? ‘Cause everybody is bringing their A-Game and I don’t think yer gonna cut the mustard come this Sunday either.

The fans cheer for John Cena mocking Damien Sandow, Cena rubs his nose for a moment and takes a look around before continuing.

Lookin’ in this ring, there’s a few people just ain’t gonna cut the mustard; I mean we got Captain Not-So-Much-Charisma Christian, and the reason I’m saying that Chris is ‘cause since the real Charismatic members of the roster have gotten their asses out here, you’ve fallen quiet or just nobodies listening just ‘cause, how do I put it, ya just boring son? Ya just stand there lookin’ creepy and lookin’ creepy ain’t gonna help ya son, it might help if this was a divas Royal Rumble but it ain’t ‘cause this is where the real big boys play, so either speak up or just put up as there’s no place for creepy-son-of-a-bitches in this Royal Rumble.

John Cena gets another good reaction from the fans from the rip on Cena as he scowlers the group once more to find more unspecting opponents but he can’t find many, so he turns his attention else well.

Lookin’ around, I’m actually disappointed in the numbers out ‘ere, I was expecting more for people; people like Hulk Hogan; that’s right Hulkster, I’m talking to you about you, where are ya man? I expected a hellva lot more from you Hulk, growing up you were the man to be but now you ain’t sight to be seen, hiding backstage instead of comin’ down to this ring and making a statement of intention to win The Rumble, it ain’t like people are coming at you with cloaks and daggers from The Transatlantic title, so you might as well make yourself a target for The Royal Rumble or is it just can’t hack it anymore? Scare that the trash-talking might get a bit too heated for ya, brother? There’s still time Hogan, come and make a statement, give these Hulkamaniacs a reason to still love ya before they lose faith in you like they did with me for a while, you gotta give a little to receive a little Hogan.

John Cena is actually applauded by the fans for his bid to get Hulk Hogan out from the back, he actually a waits a moment in the hope Hulk Hogan would show his face but to no avail.

Okay Hulk, I didn’t know you had that in ya not to show up on demand to these Hulkamaniacs! 'Cause you're not just lettin' me down, not just letting the Hulkamaniacs down, you're letting yourself down.

The start chanting Hulk Hogan but again, no response from The Transatlantic Champion forcing Cena to move on.

Sorry folks but the Hulkster has left the building! Okay, if Hulk ain’t gonna show up, what about King Booker, ya know the UWF Television & United States Champion, is he gonna show up? *Cena waits a moment again but no response* Damn man, tough group of competitors this time around, I ain’t nobody got what it takes to stand in this ring with those who are on top of their game, those who really want it? ‘Cause that’s what it is in this ring, the guys who want it, the guys who want to walk into Wrestlemania with their heads held high, the guys who want to be main event of Wrestlemania, The Grand-Daddy of ‘Em All! The guys who want to be noted! The guys who are willing to leave it all in the ring just for that shot at being a World Champion, sure some of us in this ring have already been a World Champion but all of us have fallen down at some point and this our way of getting outta of the slump we’re in and quite frankly I was hoping more people would step up to the plate to make a name for them self.

Cena does indeed look a tiny bit disappointed as he takes one final look around the place before wrapping things up for a third time.

But only one of us can make a name for ourself by winning the match and going to Wrestlemania with guaran-damn-teed title shot but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a name for yourself in this Royal Rumble; there’s more to The Royal Rumble that just title shots, it’s about making a statement, an impact, and y’all can expect John Cena to make the biggest statement of them all and it’ll read.

“John Cena, The Cenation Leader is back in full force!”

Word.

John Cena lowers his microphone and watches for the next person to respond.​

 

[Fauche]

The super super boring crap that's been going on for, like, ever, is suddenly interrupted when the titantron flashes to life. Rather than the usual shot of the backstage area, however, the audience and superstars in the ring already are treated to a view of a hospital room. Illuminated only by a cheap, flickering, American working class hospital lightbulb, Sami Callihan is showing sitting up in a hospital bed, covered in stitches and band-aids, bruises, scrapes, burns, bites, scratches, and everything else that constitutes an ouchie. The shakie camera work indicates Brodie Lee may be operating the device, probably stolen from UWF HQ. Callihan slowly lifts his to reveal a face hardly recognizable, lost behind wounds and swelling. His mouth barely opens as he speaks.


Callihan: Everyone... just... just... everyone... uh.... ugggggggghhhhhhhhhhh........


Brodie reaches over to one of the many machines hooked up to his homie and cranks up the morphine pumping into his friend. About thirty second later, Sami gives it another try.


Callihan: Ugh... right... so... as I was saying.... everyone... everybody... or uh.... nobody.... yeah... nobody in that ring... ain't got a damn thing on the T.I.O.C... except AJ I guess... cause.. that time he beat me.... but otherwise... other, uh... wise.. each and every... single.... one of these scars.... cuts.... bruises.... scrapes.... scractches... what have you.... what have you... it's just a big... just a big... go fuck yourself. You ain't tough like this... you ain't tough like this...

Brodie once again turns up the morphine, and a short moment later, Callihan shakes his head clear and continues.


Callihan: Ahhh.... AHHH.... yeah... yeah... that's much.... much.... less terrible... thanks Brode.


Brodie: Yup.


Callihan: See that ladies and gentlemen... teamwork. T.I.O.C. means we got each other's backs, now and forever. Blood brothers, till the grave - which seems pretty damn welcoming right now. The kinda teamwork that takes the tag team champions, pretty boys that they are, and leaves scars way deeper than that tan skinned... but plenty on the skin too, don't forget. Fuck it, we didn't et the gold. That sucks. And these.... wounds.... they sucks too. But that's par for the course. I wouldn't tell people to go to hell so much if I didn't mind spending so much time there myself. And there's... there's a cost... but I'll be damned if we didn't have ourselves a time out there... one for the ages, eh Brode?


Brodie: Yup.


Callihan: That's right man. So now we got this Royal Rumble. Big deal. The January affair. Something I previously had not afforded much attention. What with that tag title match... I'm a simple man, not much greed in me. No more ambition than I need... one fight at a time. Well, we lost that last one. And it was quite a one, right? So now what? Sit here in this damn hospital, waiting to heal up, claw our way back and try again. Sure, some day we might get another crack at those belts, but I know we aren't the only ones in line. I know how the game gets played. We gotta earn that, and sure as hell that takes time. So in the interim, there's this - the Royal Rumble match. First stop on the road to Wrestlemania. 30 men enter, one man leaves with a shot at a title in the 'Mania main event. Fuck, can you even imagine, T.I.O.C. in the main event? That would have them heads turning, eh?


Callihan starts to chuckle, but then winces in pain. His demeanor hardens once again and he continues.


Callihan: A far cry, that's for sure. A long shot. An impossibility. In the past I've uh, prided myself... prided myself on being a man who took a look at the odds, spit in the dirt, put my head down and started swinging at 'em, no matter what. And truth be told, I've had my ass kicked - a lot. I mean, take a look at my run here in the UWF, I scrap my way into a Hardcore title match, tear down the house, drive 'em all wild and didn't care what it took out of me. Then this match on Smackdown last week... me and Brodie and them M.D.D.D.'s.... there wasn't any ring left by the time we were done. There wasn't a damn thing we didn't throw at each other...

Still tho, I didn't take anything home except a bunch of new scars, maybe some new cracks in my bones. No gold. No glory. No win to share with the people at home and in the seats who got our backs. So I look at all these other men in this Royal Rumble and I says to myself, I says "Sami, you can dig deeper, go harder, go longer, go bloodier than any of these jabronies". I damn well know I can. They ain't throwing nothing at me I haven't seen before - nothing harder, nothing bigger, nothing sharper. There may be 29 of 'em, but after last Saturday night, that don't seem so bad. I start thinking about this whole to do and I tell myself that maybe me, maybe I got a shot. A shot at winning this whole thing.

And uh... and I've been to enough shrinks in my time to know that's part of my problem. I can't see too far ahead, ya know? Can't, uh, anticipate risks, I think is what they say. No foresight. Bad assessment. I shoot first, aks questions later. Leap without looking. Swing for the fences whether or not somebody enough pitched the damn ball yet. Understand? Fair enough, I know that, know who I am. Can't help it, either. When I see a good fight, all I want is a damn piece to take with me, take with me wherever I'm going next.


Callihan stands up slowly, getting off the bed and walking towards the door. Before leaving, he turns back to the camera.


Callihan: So no vacation, no time off for good ol' Sami Callihan. I'm coming to that damn Rumble. Yeah, come hell or high water, I'll be there, guns a' blazing, cuts a' bleeding, bones a' broken, and damn sure I'm not going over that top rope with a fistful of hair, a couple o' teeth that ain't mine and an arm or two. T.I.O.C. means you don't win 'em all, but it don't matter cause the other guy never wants to fight ya again. Puttin' the fear into men who never thought they had any. Men who dream of a grand stage but don't recognize the cost. Well... fuck... fuck 'em all. I'm the cost. I'm the body they'll have to step over to earn it, and if they can't, then I guess that sick little dream I got might actually come true... and I'll see ya at Wrestlemania. Come on Brodie, we got a ambulance to jack.


The feed to the titantron cuts out as the T.I.O.C. leaves the room.​

 

[Fauche]

UWF ROYAL RUMBLE PREDICTION THREAD:

30 Man Royal Rumble Match
WINNER:

UWF World Heavyweight Championship
Guest Referee Triple H
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
WINNER:

UWF Championship
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
WINNER:



UWF Global Championship
Chairs Match
Kane v. Eddie Guerrero (c)
WINNER:


Grudge Match
Rhode Fight
Goldust v. Cody Rhodes
WINNER:

Rags to Riches Match:
WINNER:​

 

[CliqueClacks]

UWF ROYAL RUMBLE PREDICTION THREAD:

30 Man Royal Rumble Match
WINNER: I got Ambrose in this one, winning with some Shield help. It could go to Christian, Borden, or any of the other guys that are tearing up that thread at the moment. I loved that Impact Battle Royal we had a while ago, this should be even bigger and better than that. I'm really looking forward to this match and what's going to come from it. Plus Natalya might have to enter

UWF World Heavyweight Championship
Guest Referee Triple H
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
WINNER: After Raw goes up tomorrow, I'll throw up another TT and hopefully Shawn can post to get to 3-3 and we can call it a day. It's always fun to TT against Shawn and win or lose this feud was great and does a bunch for both of our characters.

UWF Championship
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
WINNER: Morgan is a monster and nobody is going to stop him. I have him winning over albo here, Morgan is going to be Champion for a long long time.



UWF Global Championship
Chairs Match
Kane v. Eddie Guerrero (c)
WINNER: I got Kane in this one, becoming a 3 (?) time Global Champion. Coldhands is the most underrated TT'er in this fed and flys under the radar a lot in my eyes. He deserves all the wins and Championships he can get. But then again, Eddie has been killing it as of late with Guerrero so it could really go either way. Maybe they don't want to hot potato the title here to so it's very possible for Eddie to retain.

Grudge Match
Rhode Fight
Goldust v. Cody Rhodes
WINNER: Hey this match might happen in real life now. WWE always takes UWF ideas. This thread is really good and if you haven't read through it yet, I'd suggest you go give it a read. Right now I feel like Cody has the edge in this one but I've been wrong in the past. Either or, this is going to be a really strong opener to the show and is a good way to set the table for later on.

Rags to Riches Match:
WINNER: This ones hard to predict for because there's so many possibilities and there could be more entrants that I don't know about yet, so I won't make my pick for this one ​

 

[Fauche]

UWF ROYAL RUMBLE PREDICTION THREAD:

30 Man Royal Rumble Match
WINNER: This match would be a nightmare to pick the winner of. Close between everybody who is obviously putting effort in, and everybody who has shown up in thread so far has really stepped up. I'm gonna go with Bryan, maybe Sandow to win. Ambrose, Sting, D'Von, Styles, few others could take it too and it wouldn't be a bad call.

UWF World Heavyweight Championship
Guest Referee Triple H
Shawn Michaels (c) v. Tyson Kidd
WINNER: Kidd for the win.

UWF Championship
Matt Morgan (c) v. MVP
WINNER: Albo is top notch, and these guys have themselves a scary looking thread going on right now. Morgan has been untouchable though. If he takes the win here, would be so rockstar for the Rumble winner to call him out.


UWF Global Championship
Chairs Match
Kane v. Eddie Guerrero (c)
WINNER: Eddie has been great on Raw, love the character, but dude hasn't tt'd for this yet. I'm sure Dresdon will get at least on up, hard to call it till then. Both guys are great though, wouldn't be surprised either way.

Grudge Match
Rhode Fight
Goldust v. Cody Rhodes
WINNER: Crazy that rey and hoov are both killing it in the Rumble thread too when the tt'ing for this match is top notch. Cody has the better win record in this feud going into the ppv, maybe Goldust gets the win here.

Rags to Riches Match:
WINNER: Fandango or Umaga for first tier maybe one of them picks up the second, though natlav is looking good too. Lots of cool things cool be done with guys picking up the tag titles, maybe Riley, Gargano or Bloom as they all have partners, could mix up the tag division too. Maybe RVD or Taker to get that third tier one if Quad and Chase just stick to those first tts (could easily contend for the others if they get some more in). Be a nice way to kick-start their new characters.​