Hello Smarks, it is I, your Undisputed Champion and friend, Chris Dresden. As promised, I am back again this week with another review, because you love reading them and I love writing them. This week's edition I particularly looked forward to reviewing as it contained the Beat The Clock challenges and would reveal who I'd be defending my title against at Starrcade. But that's not the only exciting news coming out of UWF this week, oh no, and rest assured I will be covering that in this article as well as a few other things. So, without any further delay, I'm not a doctor but I play one on the internet and this is my prescription for all your wrestling needs, The Dresden Dose!
(Someone make me an official graphic please)
Before I delve into the show itself, I would like to extend a sincere thank-you to everyone that read the debut edition of the Dresden Dose here in UWF, and to everyone that commented on it, and to those that repped me for it. As long as UWF stands, the Dresden Dose will stand with it, in fact you'll be seeing more of it soon but I'll get to that later.
UWF Raw opens with Jerry "The King" Lawler and Michael "Do I Look Closer to a Legitimate Athlete in my Orange Singlet, or Does John Laurianaitis in his People Power Body Suit? And Don't Say John Just Because He Actually Used to be One" Cole welcoming us to Boston, Massachussetts. They note that this is the first show removed from Backlash, the night where Stone Cold realized his dream and became champion.
They then promote the fact that the Undisputed Champion will be in action tonight against the returning Edge, as well as the four Beat the Clock Challenges to determine the number one contender. Before they can hype anything else, they are interrupted by the theme music of the Texas Rattlesnake himself, as Stone Cold comes out for his scheduled promo.
Let me give you a little backstory on this promo. I'm not going to comment on it because it's my promo, that's for you guys to give feedback on, which by the way, CaptainxBurnout, Lubaninho, and Chriss already did in their comment on the Raw show itself. It's okay if you didn't, that's what the Dresden Dose comments are for!
Anyhoo, on my Facebook I have "E-fedding" listed as one of my hobbies. A friend of mine that I went to high school with saw this and sent me a message saying simply, "You e-fed?" After discussing it, he mentioned he's been meaning to get back into it and asked which forum I was part of, so I sent him here. His name is TorqueX. Torque was supposed to be part of my promo, just as a way to get people to take notice of him right out of the gate, but he's not quite back in the habit of frequenting the forum every day, so I finished the promo myself sans C.M. Punk.
Also, I didn't go into business for myself when I trashed the titles, I ran that by Cwalker first, who ironically had the exact same thing in mind. It's a lengthy promo, I understand, but I had a lot of ground to cover and also, I'm having a lot of fun right now so I just got into it. Your feedback below please.
Now it's time for the first commercial. That's right, everything before commercial one involved Austin. The intro video, the announcers recapping Backlash, the announcers hyping the main event, the announcers hyping Starrcade, and the promo. Only place there isn't Austin is the Raw banner. *hint hint* lol
Commercial number one is a photograph from Maria Kanellis' recent shoot for the Heyman Hustle. She's still looking good, that's for sure, one of the most attractive women WWE has ever had under contract, but she left awhile ago and now she's one of the most attractive women ROH has ever had under contract.
Back from commercial, it is time for the first Beat the Clock challenge, and I can't think of a more fitting way to start things off than with this one, Batista vs. Randy Orton. These two went to absolute war with their TT'ing session, it was quite refreshing to see and hopefully a trend that continues. Seeing Andrew TT so much reminded me of our Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio feud from way back when that went 6-6 leading up to the Steel Cage match at UCW Great American Bash and 5-5 leading into the Hell in a Cell match at Summerslam. A feud that led to another great feud, Guerrero versus Dinero, but I'll leave that story for another time.
The match was fairly back and forth, both men got in about the same amount of offense, with Orton getting in just a bit more. Reversing the spear into an RKO is a spot I wish they'd gone with the first time Batista went for it, so I'm glad it was done when the Animal went back to the well, and making it the finish of the match makes it that much better for me. Kudos.
Commercial number two is for Showdown of Dreams. Five of the greatest TT'ers in e-fed history effectsofraven, Chase, Prodigy, Lewbrication, and Aniking do battle in the only structure befitting five stars of their caliber being on a collision course, Hell in a Cell! In what I believe is Last Man Standing, watch Slim get his rightful send-off as he goes one-on-one with Mr. UWF himself, Cwalker! It's Rock vs. Dinero and it's a can't-miss match! Also, in a 2 out of 3 falls match, it's a battle of the Texans as Stone Cold Steve Austin and JBL go to war to crown the absolute greatest out of the two of them, Dresden vs. RiR! All this and the final Hall of Fame, this Sunday!
Back from commercial, we are joined by the former Hardcore Champion Dean Ambrose. Ambrose states that Bryan holding the Championship means nothing, because in anyone else's hands it's just a hunk of metal, and that he is the real Hardcore Champion. He congratulated Bryan for actually making him feel pain, but warned him that he better do more in their inevitable rematch, because Ambrose enjoys the pain. He goes to berate Bryan's ability when suddenly...YES! YES! YES!
He is interrupted by the current Hardcore Champion Daniel Bryan. Bryan reminds everyone that he is the new champion and reminds Ambrose of the hell he put him through to become the new champion, stating he simply beat him at his own game, claiming himself to be the best wrestler in the world and the most hardcore one as well. Ambrose takes exception to this, telling Bryan if he wants him to admit these things about the American Dragon, he'll get in the ring.
Daniel obliges as these two look ready for war, but Bryan announces he's not going to give these fans the pleasure of seeing Ambrose made to tap again. They have an argument over whether Dean actually submitted or not, with Bryan repeating that he is the greatest wrestler ever, better than Flair(WOOO!), Sammartino, Gorgeous George, and Stone Cold(prove it). The war of words escalates and results in Ambrose hitting Bryan with the title, causing Daniel to abandon the ring.
Teddy Long comes out and tells them they aren't going to get their hands on one another tonight, but instead will go at it again at Starrcade. But not in a singles match, a Best Two out of Three Falls match for the Hardcore Championship!
I enjoyed this segment a lot, a very nice back and forth between Captain and Hoov, makes me more excited for their upcoming encounter. I will say I was under the assumption that Bryan was face and Ambrose was heel, but that's what I get for not reading more I guess. Great stuff, both of you.
Commercial three is for the event itself, UWF Starrcade! On June 17th, the stars will come out and when they do battle and begin to strike one another, stars will be seen. This ain't your WCW Starrcade. Btw, front and center of the poster, hooray!
Back from commercial, whaddya say we have ourselves a title match!? That's right, it's time for Antonio Cesaro to defend his European Championship against The Miz! This match was a nice series of trade-offs with Cesaro in control, then Miz in control, then Cesaro again, then Miz again. Miz is the closest I've ever seen someone come to winning a championship, but no, the referee gets pulled out of the ring.
It's Wade Barrett, who runs into the ring and lays out Miz, causing him to win by disqualification, but as we all know and as Justin Roberts states, the championship cannot change hands this way, so Cesaro is still the titleholder. Barrett and Cesaro go on to annihilate the Miz with the Wasteland and Riccola Bomb, respectively, then pose together as Raw returns to commercial.
Commercial four is for WWE's next pay-per-view No Way Out, happening on the exact same day as UWF Starrcade. Are they stealing our dates? Are we stealing theirs? It's a conspiracy! (Thanks R-Truth) Happening at No Way Out will be Cena vs. Show in a Steel Cage, Punk(c) vs. Bryan vs. Kane for the WWE Championship, and Sheamus(c) vs. Alberto Del Rio for the World Heavyweight Championship. Likely to be added is Randy Orton vs. Dolph Ziggler, a feud happening due to Jericho's suspension.
Back from commercial, it's time for the one singles match of the night with no title implications whatsoever as Captain Charisma takes on the Long Island Iced Z. What a fast-paced, action-filled, clinic this match was. This was pay-per-view main event quality, it's a shame it wasn't a Beat the Clock, because it certainly felt like one. Very tense, very exciting, with Christian getting the win with his former tag team partner's finisher, the Spear.
The announcers put over how grueling a match this was and how, after seeing a performance like this, Theodore Long should put Ryder in the United States Championship picture. Things now pan to a backstage segment, and I thought I was seeing things with that picture, but I'm not, Cesaro's right pec is dancing(for lack of a better term). Seen plenty of pics that are animated in one part, no idea how it's done though.
Anyhoo, Cesaro and Aksana are backstage doing a photoshoot for UWF Magazine. Theodore Long interjects and he and Cesaro discuss tonight's European Championship match, with Cesaro saying he could've ended it when he wanted to and Teddy claiming Barrett's the only reason he still has that title. So, in the interest of fairness, he's made a rematch for Starrcade and to ensure Wade Barrett stays away, it's going to be a Steel Cage match! I have a feeling Barrett will be too busy to interfere...
Raw returns to commercial. Commercial five is for the Bella Twins, reminding you that two is better than one. Examples: tires on a bicycle, potato chips(because you can't eat just one), UWF brands.
Back from commercial, we are being joined by the number one contender to the United States Championship, Cody Rhodes. Rhodes cuts an awesome promo here, promoting Backlash as if it hasn't happened yet, but flawless other than that. He talks about UWF asking for what he's about to do to it because of its choice to flourish rather than die, warning that his hate will soon infect the bloodstream of the company when he captures the United States Championship and returns prestige to it. As Rhodes goes to deliver his trademark line, he is interrupted by the man he will challenge at Starrcade, Brock Lesnar.
Brock enters the ring and smacks the microphone out of Cody's hands, trying to initiate conflict. Cody teases granting Brock his wish, but instead exits the ring. Rhodes and Lesnar leave the area as it's time for the next Beat the Clock challenge as MVP, the returning albo2, takes on Mr. Anderson.
It is shown, via a sweet graphic, that Randy Orton holds the time to beat at nine minutes and nineteen seconds. This was another hard fought contest with each man getting in their fair share of offense. A superplex cost them some time and an ill-advised sleeper hold was applied, resulting in MVP just barely failing to beat Orton's time. Post-match, MVP attacks Anderson, taking out his frustrations, turning the mixed reaction from earlier into a solid heat-fest as Raw returns to commercial.
Commercial six reminds you to thank RiR for his contribution to this week's show, which, judging by the credits, is a rather significant contribution. Thank you RiR, from what I understand you are now part of the Raw writing team, so there will be more thanks to come. Now Raw truly is Rey.
Back from commercial, man this show is massive, it's time for the next Beat the Clock challenge, Bully Ray versus John Cena. We see the awesome graphic again, reminding everyone that Randy Orton still holds the time to beat. Nothing overly technical in this match, just a simple brawl, which I don't mind especially considering the two competitors. Bully Ray succumbs to the Five Moves of Doom but the referee is knocked down by his foot when he's taken up for the Attitude Adjustment!
As Cena tries to wake up the ref, Orton enters the fray and, RKO to Cena! Randy makes sure to take care of Bully Ray as well before exiting the ring. After the clock runs out and Orton still holds the time to beat, he re-enters the ring and goes for a Punt Kick to Cena, but Cena sees it coming and clotheslines The Viper.
As Orton exits the ring again, Cena stares him down, when suddenly the crowd reaction inspires him to turn around, where he's hit with a Spear! Christian, the attacker, begins stomping on Cena which brings Randy back into the ring as he joins in on the assault, assisting with a Killswitch. The carnage continues as the two men take Cena outside the ring and take the timekeeper's chair into their custody, as Randy delivers an RKO onto it!
Cena is left for dead as Randy takes a microphone, telling him that Christian is the newest member of the N.W.O. and they are taking over, starting with him. As the two pose together, the camera cuts away to the backstage, where Brock Lesnar is. Lesnar sits in silence when suddenly, he is attacked viciously by Rhodes, who leaves him lying with a stiff kick and warns that at Starrcade, the monster under the bed will be unleashed. That was a clever line.
Raw returns to commercial, but there is nothing for commercial seven except the statement that the writers are running out of commercial ideas. How about a commercial for The Dresden Dose?
Back from commercial, it is time for the final Beat the Clock match, pitting the former former Undisputed Champion Wade Barrett against Rob Van Dam. We see the current time to beat graphic one more time and with that, things are underway. The two exchange attack attempts but neither are successful until Rob connects with a kick to the side of the head, almost ending things with a two count only.
Wade was able to kick out, but Rob makes him sorry for it as he continues to dominate him offense wise, even going for another pinfall where he succeeds in capturing another two count. And only because he looks at the clock, Rob loses control of things and Barrett goes on the attack, hitting Rob in the sternum but Van Dam puts him in the corner with another kick, going for a follow-up on this but instead Wade makes him eat a vicious boot to the face, getting a pinfall of his own, but it too is only a two count.
I unintentionally got into a play by play there, something I don't usually do, so let's move along. The finish of the match comes when Wade, using every bit of strength he has left, superplexes Rob pretty much out of his skin and then somehow scoops him up and connects with the Wasteland. Wade goes for the cover and is it, could it be, yes, with zero seconds to spare, the man that will face yours truly at Starrcade is Wade Barrett.
I would've welcomed facing any of you guys at Starrcade. I expected for storyline purposes it would be MrFetter, but Lewb is indeed a nice surprise, and a welcome challenge. Anyone that was on UCW Smackdown remembers his Del Rio and my Austin had what I would call a blood feud, that I won most of, might I add. Looking forward to going to war again, bro, but I have fought far too long for this title to lose it already, so I hope you're bringing an A game that's never been brought before.
As Wade celebrates his victory, Raw heads to its final commercial of the night. Commercial eight states well wishes that you, the reader, are enjoying the product. I know I certainly am, especially with this rebirth.
Back from commercial, Theodore Long has somethin' ta' say, playas. After the attack from the NWO earlier in the show, Cena has suffered a mild concussion and as a result, won't be cleared to compete for a few weeks. However, he will be ready to go by Starrcade, and since Randy now has no opponent for the event, he will go one-on-one with John Cena.
After this, it is time for the main event, Austin versus Edge. As has been stated numerous times, this was to be Austin versus Aries, the final encounter for the Undisputed Championship and as packed as this show was, what a fitting way to cap things off that would've been. But, PC issues, as they have plagued us all in the past, intervened and Chriss was left unable to TT for the match, so the main event was changed.
Don't feel bad man, whenever you're able to, you can have your rematch. Whether it's a future edition of Raw, the pay-per-view after Starrcade, whenever, wherever. I wish that Derrick had been able to show up for this match, but I can't say much since I almost was unable to trash talk for it.
Anyhoo, since the trash talking for it was indeed one to zero, you don't need me to tell you the outcome of this match. My hat's off to the writer for making it a competitive bout instead of a squash. Barrett comes out after the match and he and Austin have a staredown to close the show.
My final verdict is this was an absolutely, pay-per-view quality show from top to bottom. Everyone fought their hearts out and it showed in the finished product, you guys really inspired Cwalker and Rey to make this one extra special. Now, let's talk Starrcade.
Mmm, poster. *begins salivating*
Backed by Linkin Park's "From The Inside", off their Meteora album, Starrcade is shaping up to be one of the best pay-per-views e-fedding has ever seen. With five matches announced already, one can only wonder what else will make its way onto the card before all is said and done.
Earlier I referred to the history between Lewb's Del Rio and my Austin as a blood feud. Well, this is a literal one as these two have drawn blood from one another on more than one occasion, and plan to repeat history at Starrcade. Will the American Dragon make the former Hardcore Champion tap out again or will Dean Ambrose make sure Bryan's arrogance comes back to bite him? *SPOT CALL* Bryan stands a chair up, places Ambrose's head through it, and applies a modified Yes Lock.
His reign has been an impressive one, but for as many successful defenses he's had, there are that many more challengers waiting in the wings. Enter The Miz, a man that's come closer than anyone else to taking the belt, stopped by interference from Wade Barrett. Now that these two are going to be locked inside a steel cage, is there anything stopping the Awesome One from ending the Very European reign of Antonio Cesaro? *SPOT CALL* Riccola Bomb/SCF off the top of the cage.
Brock may have girth and pure, raw power on his side but Cody Rhodes is a psychological mastermind, both cold and calculated, as evidenced by his unwillingness to do battle with Brock in the ring, instead opting to strike when the United States Champion least expected it. With these men fated to do battle in the squared circle, will Starrcade be the beginning of Cody's hatred infecting the bloodstream of the UWF, or will the Next Big Thing eliminate the virus before it spreads? *SPOT CALL* Cross Rhodes reversed into an F5.
Ever since Orton signed with UWF, before the ink was even dry on the contract, he has had it out for Cena. For weeks he has warned of the arrival of the NWO, and now they are beginning to fulfill the Viper's prophecy one man at a time. The question isn't whether or not Cena can defeat Orton, it's will Randy keep it a singles situation? *SPOT CALL* Hangman DDT onto the exposed concrete floor.
Backlash saw the crowning of Stone Cold Steve Austin as Undisputed Champion, a belt once held by Wade Barrett. After failing to win it back at Backlash, the Beat the Clock challenge was Wade's way back into the picture for one more shot. Now it is the Barrett Barrage against the Rattlesnake's venom. When this volatile mix occurs, will it be Wade that stands on top of the mountain again or Austin that leaves with his head held high? *SPOT CALL* Million Dollar Dream.
Starrcade will be on Sunday, June 17th, a little over two weeks away which is plenty of time to trash talk. And now to the big news I referred to at the top of the article, UWF has expanded to two brands, meaning alongside Raw now sits Smackdown. Who is at the head of Smackdown you ask? Former Smackdown writers of course, SBS and effectsofraven!
A draft was held amongst the writers of UWF's respective brands and here are the men that will be jumping ship to the blue team. United States Champion Brock Lesnar, Hardcore Champion Daniel Bryan, Batista, Bully Ray, Dean Ambrose, John Cena, Bully Ray, The Miz, and Zack Ryder. Joining them will be The Undertaker, The Ultimate Warrior, Ted DiBiase, Jeff Jarrett, and Damien Sandow. That's a roster with a lot of potential.
Smackdown will debut on Friday, June the 8th. Starting things off will be one of the favorites to win the Beat the Clock challenge, Batista, taking on the Hardcore Champion Daniel Bryan. Both of these men are heels so that should be interesting. Yeah it's Andrew versus Hoov best of a thousand, but still, it'll produce.
Next up is gonna be Rob Van Dam taking on the number one contender to the Hardcore Championship, Dean Ambrose. Since Ambrose enjoys pain, will Van Dam be at a disadvantage with those delirium inspiring kicks? Third on the card is Ted DiBiase making his UWF debut against Zack Ryder. Based off of Ryder's match against Christian alone, I am looking forward to this contest.
And in your maaaaain event, the number one contender to the European Championship, The Miz will take on the United States Champion Brock Lesnar in a non-title match. That's Smackdown gentlemen, and it's going to be awesome! No pun intended.
However, three days before Smackdown's debut will be what you really want, the next edition of Raw! It'll be an opening match of debuting proportions as William Regal will take on the returning C.M. Punk. I really hope TorqueX shows up for this, for me to endorse him and then him no-show and not participate doesn't look good on either of us.
In the second match of the night, it'll be the former Lionheart himself, Chris Jericho taking on the newest member of the NWO, Christian. I get the feeling Jericho may defect to the NWO. Following this, number one contender to the United States Championship, Cody Rhodes will take on European Champion Antonio Cesaro in a non-title match.
In the semi-main event, MVP will take on the number one contender to the Undisputed Championship, Wade Barrett. With MVP likely still heated from what happened to him in his match against Mr. Anderson, what will happen when he gets his hands on the man that won the whole thing?
And in your maiiiiin event(had to do it differently for the other brand), the leader of the NWO will take on Edge. With Edge getting the main event spot two weeks in a row, I especially hope he shows up this time. A lot of interesting material could be used for this TT'ing session.
No match to TT for this week, but I do get the microphone again, so I guess C liked what he read. Well guys, that's it for this week's edition of The Dresden Dose, I will be back on Tuesday with my review for Raw, then Friday with my review for Smackdown, and I might do something for Showdown of Dreams if I'm feeling up to it. The doctor is out.
