HOME STRETCH~! (LAST WEEK)
RAW
Stone Cold Steve Fuckin' Austin is our guest host tonight as the crowd goes ape shit in Houston, Texas, home of the last WM. Austin cuts a promo asking the WWE Universe wth is going on. RVD & Finlay's son in the RAW main event? WHAT? Triple H in a midcard match? WHAT? Bret Hart Wrestling again, in WWE nonetheless? WHAT? No John Cena in the main event? WHAT!? Austin said though he cant do much about the card, shit is going down.
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Backstage we see Hornswoggle running around, and he accidentally bumps into, yup, WWE Champion, and fellow Irishman, SHEAMUS. Sheamus picks on him, and picks him up against the wall. SCSA comes out, and seperates the bully from the scrawny little guy. He said that no one's fighting backstage on his show, and instead, they can settle it in a match. Hornswoggle's like WTF~!
In the first match on the last RAW of the wrestling season, we see all the MITB participants in a Battle Royale to once again, tease the awesomeness of the MITB match this year. Everyone goes over except Kingston. Cuz he's yeah, you know. At the end, Miz comes out on top again, just like he has ever since the classic ECW taping last week:shifty:. Miz celebrates after lastly eliminating THE MORRISON (gimmick change ftw). Morrison slides back in and cuts a promo saying that he's been dying for a match with him lately, and requests one on ECW. Miz spits in his face, and bashes him with a microphone. Miz says sure, but its in EXTREME RULES! Miz feeling like a dick, turns around right into BAM, Paydirt~!
Backstage we see Vince McMahon arrive with, holy shit, John Cena. The NEW CORPORATION comes to the arena, and thats about it. for now.
Also backstage, Batista is interviewed again, and talks shit on how 'Taker's dying at WM. He's tired of Legends, and will join the eradicating of Legends Movement as well after he's done with Undertaker. SCSA comes out and says that well, he's a legend, and that he'll get whats coming to him in tonights main event is we're going to have the most ownage super main event of life. Batista, MVP & Randy Orton versus Undertaker(gong), Triple H, & Ted Dibiase~! Gotta love SCSA.
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Sheamus vs. Hornswoggle is about to start as Hornsy is like about to take a leak on himself. Then, RATTLESNAKE TIME~! SCSA comes out in full ring gear, and says that well since his counterpart could make a breif return, its his turn to do so. Sheamus is big and bad, lets see how a Handicapp match goes down. Austin gets shut up by Sheamus. Sheamus begins to kick some ass due to a dirty eyepoke. Sheamus is owning, Horswoggle is almost thrown into the crowd, SCSA fights back, STUNNER, pin? NO! Sheamus goes outside, and grabs the belt, and is about to nail Austin. RVD comes out, and Van Daminates his ass with the title, ftw. Austin looks on in disbelief, and then shares a cold one with RVD, and Horns before.. He looks at RVD & BAM STUNNER BIATCH! Horns then is so honored he asks for a Stunner, and Austin tells him no lol.
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We go to the ring where "NO CHANCE" hits as the Corporation (Cena & McMahon) come out. The two power walk, and the crowd just boo's. Cena cuts one of his best promo's of all time on why he's turned to the dark side. How the fans never appreciated him. All he had was kids. Not even chicks. Cena then goes onto rib HBK saying that he's so washed up, and how he always got the approval of fans. Cena is tired of the BS, and at WM its over. Mean Cena is coming out. McMahon says that Bret Hart.. ITS COMING FOR YOU. Then, Bret Hart's music plays as a midget dressed in Hart attire comes out. We all know whats going to happen next as McMahon is about to kick some midget ass. But then, from the fans, its the real Bret Hart! Hart drops Vince, and is about to lock in the Sharpshooter. Cena measures for a shot with the mic, but HBK WITH THE SUPERKICK! OMFG! HBK locks in his own Sharpshooter, and the crowd goes fuxking insane~!
Backstage is Randy Orton with, oh, suprise, Bob Orton. Bob ribs Ted Dibiase Sr. & says that Orton's got WM on lock. Then, Dibiase Sr. comes out with Teddy Jr., and the oldies have a stare down. A senior match is announced for SD!. Orton says it's going to be a pleasure watching the Dibiase's get their asses handed to them all in one week.
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We return to the main event. SUPER GREAT MATCH. Everyone hits their finisher on someone. Tombstone on MVP, Batista Bomb on HHH, Playmaker on Dibiase, Million $ Dream Slam on Batista, RKO on Undertaker, and Pedigree on Randy Orton. At the end, the Tombstone won the match, but right after Roids spears the fuxk out of the Deadman. Batista then goes onto beat the eyeliner off of Undertaker, and Spinebusters him onto the Announcer Table. Batista yells. HHH goes for the save a la the GREAT EQUALIZER aka Sledgehammer. BUT MVP TRIES TO INTERVENE. MVP gets a shot to the head! HHH turns around into a Spear from Roids as well. Dibiase puts has Orton in the COBRA CLUTCH, but Tista comes in, and gives Dibiase a Batista Bomb. RKO goes to thank Tista but Tista doesn't give a fuck. Spear for his bitchass too. Batista goes way over as everyone is knocked the fuck out.
END SHOW